Is Your Marriage Shell or Substance?

Is your marriage shell or substance? Continuing on our family theme from our family club this morning, is your marriage shell or substance? After our youngest daughter left for college, went to Pasadena at the age of 17, probably a mistake, but anyhow, someone asked my wife, in fact, several people asked her, don't you feel like you're living in a big, empty house? The emptiness syndrome. Then a few days later, my wife asked me, do you feel like you're living in an empty house? I said no, and she said, I don't either. During the years that we've been married, we've lived in just about every kind of abode imaginable. We lived in one room, efficiency apartments. That first one I told about this in the family club this morning, and one of the table topics was, should a man, should a youngster learn how to cook? And I responded to that topic, and I said yes for two reasons. And one is, it might be out of necessity. My mother came down with cancer when I was about 11 or 12, and we had myself, my younger brother, and my dad, and it was either cook or starve, so I decided to cook. So I learned how to cook most things, southern style, of course, cornbread and all that. Then we got married, and I said, the second reason why you need to learn how to cook, all the men, is you'll have to teach your wife how to cook.

And then Mrs. Lucas confirmed that she did not know how to cook when they got married. But anyhow, so we moved into our one-hour efficiency apartment in Jackson, Mississippi, upstairs in an old two-story house. And I don't know if it was the first morning or some, very early after we'd gotten married, we had a sort of a little side room where the kitchen was. It was a one-room efficiency. It wasn't actually a room, it was just a little opening space. So one goes to that table, and there's a loaf of bread on there, and in that loaf of bread is a big fat rat.

So I guess that motivated her, though. She became a very fine cook. So we've lived upstairs, downstairs, garage apartments, duplexes. We've rented, we've bought, we've built, we've sold. We've lived on college campuses, off-campus. We've lived in the country, we've lived in the town, we've been up, we've been down, and we've been around. So after the children are out of the house, what will be left? Is your marriage just a shell consisting of a number of tangible externals that you can see, feel, touch, discern through the five senses?

Is it just the house, the car, the clothes, the food, the furniture, the job, all the material possessions, things that you can measure in monetary terms? Of course, all of these things are parts, but they don't constitute the substance or core of marriage. So is your marriage just a shell? You know, you can take a beautiful shell and you can tap it with a hammer and it just breaks all the pieces.

You can take an egg and you can just squeeze it together and it breaks. Current statistics show that a little over one in two marriages end in divorce. To some degree, marriage is like a besieged fortress. It seems that those who are in want out and those who are out want in. This mentality is reflected in the music of the day. The modern songs are filled with divorce, adultery, fornication. Rock music basically concentrates on fornication and the country-western so-called focuses on adultery.

Of course, you always have the question, does music reflect the culture or does music help to shape it? I submit that it helps to shape it. Far too many marriages are built on the sand and not on the rock. I like to use the analogy of a baseball. You can take a baseball and you can use a hammer, a bat, whatever you want to, and pound on that thing. It pretty much stays intact. When I was a boy, one of our most prized possessions was a baseball. I built backstops in three different pastures. Sometimes we'd hit it into the corn field or deep grass and spend a lot of time looking for it.

Sometimes it would get waterlogged and we would put it in the oven and bake it. It could go through the fiery trials and still remain intact. A little different. You could knock the cover off of it and you could stitch the cover back on, which we did. There are many different things. After the cover is off, we would take electrical tape and wrap it around it. If worse came to worse, wrapped with twine, you could finally come down to the core. The core was a solid piece of cork, which was practically indestructible. It had this tremendous resiliency. So, using a word picture kind of thing, you might say, compared a shell to the real substance, like a baseball, is almost impossible to destroy.

Of course, you can burn it and all of that. But far too many marriages are built on the sand and not on the rock. Let's look at Matthew 7 with regard to building. Of course, this applies not only to marriage, but it applies to our lives in general. In Matthew 7, beginning in verse 24, So once again we ask, is your marriage shell or is it substance?

Marriage is one of the most difficult experiences, relationships, that we can enter into, and yet the most rewarding. It is the most rewarding relationship known to man if it is according to the instructions given in the Bible. But to some degree, marriage, making it work, is somewhat equated, could it be equated with what it says here in Matthew 7, 13, with regard to entering into the kingdom of God.

If you want to have a successful marriage and a happy marriage and have substance in your marriage, it has to be done according to the instructions given by the one who created male and female, the one who ordained marriage in the first place.

So in Matthew 7, 13, Enter you in at the straight gate, for wide is the gate, and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and many there be which go in there at, because straight is the gate and narrows the way, which leads unto life, and few there be that find it. So there is a way. There is a way. God ordained marriage to work. So have we determined to enter into the kingdom of God by the straight gate, into the marriage covenant, relationship through the straight gate. And what about our marriage? What is it built on? Is it built upon the rock, or is it built upon sand?

Is it just a shell, or does it have a solid core? We hear a great deal about teenage runaways today, but according to some statistics, middle-aged women are the number two category of runaways. Middle-aged women, basically between 45 and 60. So this sermon is not just for the singles or for young couples. A few years ago, Dolly Parton had a song which described this sad phenomenon after the children had left home.

The song was titled, Starting Over Again. Where will they begin? Since they've never been out on their own, they had become one, now they're a twain, and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put mommy and daddy back together again. How can we build substance and marriage so that our marriage will be able to stand after all the externals, whatever they might be, have been removed? Whether it be children, material goods, whatever the situation is, because we entered into a covenant, into a vow that says, We're better or for worse until death do us part. In the past, people used to say, after having gone through hard times, well, we still have each other.

Today, the reply is, that's what I was afraid of. No, the only time I ever heard my daddy cry, and he should have, I guess you could say, should have shown more emotion and so on, and probably I got a lot of my ways from him. Might be in the DNA as well as in the environment. But my mother came home the day before. She had had a goiter removed from her throat up here, and it was sent off to the pathologist.

A report came back. It was malignant. So that night at supper, there was basically nothing said. Every morning before he went to work, they would hug each other and they would kiss. The only outward show of affection I ever saw between them, but that always happened every morning, was like a ritual. That morning, the next morning, I heard my daddy cry. He said, we've gone through hard times before, and I know we can do it again. Of all the people on the face of the earth, we should be developing substance and marriage.

Marriage is the second most important institution on the earth. I believe the Church of God is the most important institution on the face of the earth. It is through the Church of God, the Mother of us all, that God has ordained that the Gospel of the Kingdom of God would be preached to the world, whereby giving whether a person is married or unmarried an opportunity to be a part of the greatest family in the universe. That is, the spiritual family of God. The entire plan of salvation, to a large degree, is based on the structure of marriage and family.

God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son, the Church, the Mother of us all, and we as begotten children are now betrothed to Christ. The beginning of the millennium will commence with a marriage ceremony. We read about that in Revelation 19, verses 7-9. The marriage supper of the Lamb has come, the bride has made herself ready. She is clothed with fine linen, which is the righteousness of the saints.

So it is surely fitting that we should consider the marriage state at this time, and for that matter, all the time. In spite of all of these things, one of the main problems in the Church, and it has been ever since I've been in the ministry, and knowing about the Church has to do with marriage and family problems, haven't gone away.

So let's examine several keys for developing substance in marriage. What I'm going to present to you today cannot be given by the marriage counselors of this world. They are steeped in the liberal humanistic philosophy, which is destroying the family in the first place. It is ironic that Americans would turn to the very people who are destroying their families and children when they get in trouble. Freud talks about phases and stages, look into the past and examine and repent, and there's some help and validity to that. Transactional analysis talks about the parent-adult, the child balance. We have the greatest example in the world.

The most balanced person who ever lived in the flesh is our example. If we follow him, and he gave us instructions. Christ is our example. The behaviorists, they say that if you control the environment and you give people the perfect environment and the perfect system of reward and discipline, you can have whatever society you want. The humanist says, decide for yourself. Your values are your own. Instead of looking to God, they look to themselves.

There are quite a number of members in the Church of God who are far too quick to turn to this world's marriage counselors in an attempt to solve their problems. If you want to be analyzed, let's look at Hebrews 4.12. If you want to know what's really inside you and for that matter all of humankind, then I'm not here to say, in fact, I've recommended that people get, quote, professional help for various problems.

It might be marriage, it might be something else. We're not qualified to give advice on every last thing, as some might think. In Hebrews 4.12, if you want a really good spiritual analysis, For the word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

The word of God and the Spirit of God will get to the very core of the matter. There are certain books and articles that might offer some sound principles for building substance and marriage, but they don't understand the spiritual principles. Neither do they teach it in a complete sense as to how to build substance and marriage. Most researchers say that the three principles, three main problems in marriage are communication, finances, and sex.

These three are very important. However, they are more symptomatic than causal. Communication, if you don't have the correct kind of communication, then it's going to lead to problems. And usually the problems arise in the financial sense when you get in trouble. You could have great communication with your mate, be fabulously rich, have a wonderful sex life, and still have a marriage that is built upon sand and will not stand the test of time. Of course, the celebrity world is filled with such people. I would imagine they had great communication at one time.

Money is not a problem. They probably had their fill of sex, but they had no substance. So what do I mean by substance? Let's compare substance with doing certain things. Here are things that you can do, and some of these things you should do. Tell your wife several times a day that you love her. Take her out once a week. Send her flowers regularly. Help her with the chores. Pick up your things. Help with the children. On the other hand, the wife can cook excellent meals on a regular basis. Keep the house clean.

Take care of the kids. And yet there may not be real substance in the marriage. Granted, these things help develop substance, and they serve as a means to an end, but they do not constitute the substance itself. Substance is what you are and what you are becoming. What are you at the core? Do you have that solid core, like in that old baseball, that's had the cover knocked off and all the twine unwound?

And yet there is a solid, resilient core that is there to stay. It is built on the rock. It is a surer foundation. The storms can come. The winds can blow. But yet it stands. Substance consists of the progress that husband and wife are making toward becoming one in every aspect of their being. As they grow together toward the fullness of the measure of the stature of Christ. The shell or the external is what you look like, what people think you are.

And how many times have we been surprised when you hear, did you know that so and so are getting a divorce? And sometimes you are floored. Substance is what you really are. Material things come and go. Jobs, houses, cars, clothes, money. We could use another word for substance. That word would be converted.

Character. Or we could use the word becoming love, as God is love. Paul uses the word love in 1 Corinthians 13. God is love. And where to become love is God is love. Two converted people who are obeying God should never get a divorce. Now I know that there are extenuating circumstances. And I'm not here to discuss specific cases. There are times when there may be causes for separation or even divorce. But I said, two converted people. Not one, but two. Oftentimes there's only one converted person. But even where they're one made is unconverted.

If we follow what God has instructed us to do, we can still make it work. God's laws and his blueprint for marriage do not lead to divorce. Let's go to Malachi 2.

Malachi is a monologue written in the form of a dialogue. The monologue is God Himself taking Israel and Judah to task. He says His part and He also says their part, making it a dialogue.

In Malachi 2.15, And did not He make one? We need to get the meaning of that by reading verse 14. Yet you say, See, here's the dialogue. Yet you say, Wherefore, because the Lord hath been witness between you and the wife of your youth, Against whom you have dealt treacherously, Yet is she your companion and the wife of your covenant? And did not He make one? God could have made two wives, three, four, or a hundred for Adam. He made one. And her name was Eve. And He said, You will leave your father and mother, and you shall cleave under your wife and become one. Yet had He not the residue of the Spirit? That's why, as I said, He could have made a hundred. And wherefore, one, that He might seek a godly seed? Well, you wouldn't want Jesus Christ being in a coming from a family in which the husband had multiple wives. Therefore, take heed to your Spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the eternal God of Israel said, He hates putting away. For one covers violence with his garment, says the Lord of Hosts. Therefore, take heed to your Spirit, that you deal not treacherously. Don't try to cover it up. Don't run hither and thither and yawn. As I said, I'm not here to discuss specific cases. There are times when there may be a cause for separation or even divorce. But that is almost invariably due to the fact that one or both mates did not keep the covenant that they made with God and their mate. And divorce should never be viewed as a first alternative. God gave the blueprint for success. Your marriage will work if you will internalize these keys. They're as sure as God's words. These keys have to do with how you view God and man in your heart, mind, and spirit. These keys center around faith and substance. The first key is to recognize that God is a God of love and that He created humankind so He could share who He is and what He is with them in a family setting. Because God is love, He created humankind so that He could share His being, who He is and what He is in a family setting. And in a family setting, family implies that there is a mother and a father. So the second key is to recognize that God is the author of male and female. Let's go to Genesis 2 and Genesis 2. God is the author of male and female. Genesis 2, verse 26, God said, Let us make man in our image after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing. So God created man in His own image, having certain faculties of mind that are akin to God, the ability to think, to reason, the ability to think, what I would call transcendental thoughts, those thoughts that are higher than just the flesh itself. God created man in His own image, and the image of God created He, Him, and male and female created He, them.

In recent years, there has been a concerted effort to do away with male and female. Feminists would have you believe that man evolved and that sex roles were created by man. The Bible says that sex roles' gender was created by God Himself.

If man evolved, then God did not create male and female, as God says. But God says He created them male and female for marriage and family. Verse 28 says, God blessed them, and said unto them, Be fruitful and multiply, replenish the earth, and subdue it, and have dominion over it.

And then we read in Genesis 2 of how that female came to be created. Female was part of the very flesh and bones of Adam. So God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. He took a rib out of Adam, and He created Eve. Genesis 2.18, the Lord said, It's not good that man should be alone. I will make for him a help-meet. And out of the ground, the Lord formed every beast of the air, and all of that. And down to verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and He slept, and took one of His ribs, closed up the flesh, and instead thereof. So it's flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone. And when the marriage relationship is what it's supposed to be, that's the way it will be. We'll see this more clearly as we go on.

And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, He made woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, Listen to that bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. They shall be of the same core substance, mind, and spirit. The second key is to realize that male and female have the same potential in the sight of God. Because God has ordered the structure of marriage in the way that He has does not mean that males are superior to females. Hopefully we'll see that more clearly. Now let's go to Galatians chapter 3, and we shall see. Right now, and as we're turning there, I'll tell you a little bit more about some of the current events. There is a big furor going on in Israel at the present time because Orthodox Jews are becoming very militant. They're trying to impose Orthodox practices in every aspect of human behavior, especially public appearances on the populace. One of the things that came to fore recently and really caused this to come out into public life, there was an eight-year-old girl walking to school with her mother, and a group of Orthodox Jews confronted her, called her a prostitute and all kinds of names, and spit in her face. And it came to the attention of the police and then the higher authorities in Israel. Also, the Orthodox Jews are demanding that women sit in the back of the bus and that they have this, quote, appropriate attire, and it goes on and on. Even at the Wailing Wall, as I told you in recent times, there is a rope that divides. The males are nearest the tunnel that goes under the Temple Mount, and the females are on another side. In the ultra-Orthodox synagogues, New York City, for example, the men sit in one level and the women sit in another level. They do not sit together even in the synagogue. But here's what the Word of God says, Galatians 3, verse 26.

For you are all one in Christ Jesus. See, in the spiritual sense, God is not a respecter of persons. He is colorblind, as it were, with regard to race and ethnic origin. It doesn't matter if you're black, white, yellow, brown, whatever your color might be. It doesn't matter with God what your socioeconomic status is. It doesn't matter whether you're male or female. God is not a respecter of persons. So realize that male and female have the same potential. Let's look at Matthew 22-29. Matthew 22, verse 29.

Matthew 22-29. Jesus answered, and said unto them, You do err, not knowing the Scriptures nor the power of God, for in the resurrection there neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven. So they all have the same potential to be glorious, radiant spirit beings in the kingdom of God. The third key, or the fourth, I think this is the fourth, to know and believe that God is the author of marriage. We've already covered that. Genesis 2.18, and then verses to the end of the chapter. A man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the twain shall be one flesh. So God is the author of male and female. He is the author of marriage.

The next key is to realize that the marriage contract, or covenant, is made with God and man. It is made with God and man. Marriage ceremony reads, quote, Do you covenant with God before these witnesses? It goes on to read to take so-and-so male or female. It is a part for both. It is God, then we say, who is binding you together as husband and wife. Then we say, I'm going to lay my hands on your hands. And ask God to bind this marriage.

In Matthew 19, let's go back a few pages. In Matthew 19 and verse 4. During the days of Jesus Christ's ministry here on the earth, there were about six, the number six, six, six, S-E-C-T-S, different groups of main groups, six different groups of Jews, among whom were Pharisees, Sadducees, Herodians, the Zealots, I think of name four. There were a couple more. Some people think that the Pharisees were very strict when it came to a public display, but in many things they were very liberal. You know, where we were reading there in Matthew 7, at the end of that chapter, where we read about building upon the rock and not upon the sand, that chapter ends with, and he taught them not as the Pharisees, but he taught them as one having authority. It came to the point that a woman could be put away for almost anything during the days of Christ's ministry. So we read this in Matthew 19, verse 4.

Well, let's read three. The Pharisees came unto him, tinted him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? I mean, she burned the beans or whatever it is.

And he answered and said unto them, Have you not read? Have you not read? You're supposed to be experts in the law. You're very strict. Why would you be asking me this question in the first place? That he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. I think we've read that. And said, For this cause shall a man leave, father and mother, Shall cleave to his wife, and they twain, shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put us under. The covenant is with God and with man. Male with the female, the female with the male. They both enter into this covenant. It's not just one gender or the other, it's both.

They said unto him, Well, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away? He said unto them, Moses, because the hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

I might be...well, I won't qualify it with that. But anyhow, in some ways, when you read the Old Testament, God was very, what we call, pragmatic or practical in a lot of ways. He had a plan that he was working out here on earth, and that was to preserve a thin, tenuous line of faithful people, though at times they were not so faithful. But because of the hardness of heart, and he had a purpose, he was working out, certain things were permitted along the line, but that doesn't mean that's the way that it's supposed to be, and that doesn't mean that you can do that under the terms of the new covenant and be in the kingdom of God. Now, we can try to second-guess what God permitted, but we see here the words of Jesus Christ of what we are commanded to do and what is expected. It says here that God is the one who has joined you together. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man put us under. And then they ask this question about, well, what about Moses?

Verse 9, And I say unto you, Whosoever should put away his wife, except it be for Pornea.

Now, Pornea can be a word that can have more than one application. When we think of fornication, we usually think of sexual relations before marriage. But it's evident here, when it is used in this term, that we're talking about married people. And shall marry another commits adultery. And whoso marries her, which is put away, does commit adultery. Now, notice what the disciples said. They grew up in this culture in which there was a lot of putting away. His disciples said unto him, If that's the case of a man be with his wife, it is not good to marry. That's the way it is. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, say they to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb, and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men. Meaning they cannot reproduce. And there be eunuchs which made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. They refrained from marriage, celibate. Not that it is a commandment as what was imposed by the Catholic Church at a certain point in history around the 1100s. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. These are the words of Jesus Christ concerning the marriage contract. Don't even dwell or entertain the thought that there is a way out in marriage. You know, Jeremiah 17.9 we're familiar with says, A human heart is deceitful above all things, and who can know it? Well, it says deceitful above all things, desperately wicked. Who can know it? Of course, well, the Word of God can know it, reveal it, as we read from Hebrews 4.12.

But the human mind, when it begins to look for loose bricks, can usually find a loose brick in their mind. Well, what about this? Well, I remember back then, well, we didn't get along then. Then we had this problem, but I don't know why. He began to think, well, were we really married? It just goes on and on.

Mates who are not committed look for loose bricks. And if you look hard enough and long enough for loose bricks, you can find them. We all have faults. We all have foibles, whatever word you want to use.

But that's not what we're here for, to look for loose bricks. That's the way it is with some people, the way they treat the Church, the mother of us all. They're looking for loose bricks, and they usually look for loose bricks within the eyes of the leadership. And say, well, look at him. If that's the way the Church is, no, that's the way that person is.

It's not the way that the Church is. The next key is to recognize the purpose of marriage. Why were you born? Or another way to express it is, you have to keep the big picture burning brightly in your mind. Matthew 6, 33, of seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. The big picture of why you are here. God ordained marriage for the greatest purpose in the plan of God, that is, to bring sons and daughters to glory in the family of God. The marriage state reflects God's plan for humankind, that God is bringing forth a family. Human beings bring forth a family. Each one of these beings is a potential member of the family of God.

God could have created each person individually, neutered, and had a sexual society. That's the way the angels were created.

They cannot reproduce. In order for a sexualist human society to be sustained, God would have had to continue creating physical beings or created them to be immortal. This method would not provide any natural bonding elements for society. We love our parents because they gave us life and loved us. We learn to love them as they loved us. We should come to love God because He is the author. He is the author of life. The reason He created us is to be in His family.

Men and women are born with biological and psychological differences. More and more research bears us out. Not only do men and women possess different biological equipment, but they are also different psychologically in some ways and behave differently in some ways. In Genesis 2.20, we read that there was no help-meet for Adam, so God decided to create the woman. This word, help-meet, is very interesting. It comes from the root word, which means to help, to succor, and to aid. To help, to succor, and to aid. Men and women were created in such a way that when they are joined together in marriage and become one, they complement and complete each other and make each other whole. Now, these are general statements that I'm about to make. Man is dominant. Woman is submissive. Man is aggressive. Woman is passive. Man is strong in conquering. Woman is sensitive and tender. Man is rational. A lot of women would argue with that.

A woman is emotionally perceptive. Man is pragmatic. A woman is idealistic. Now, this is just general. We obviously know that many women are aggressive. Some try to be strong in conquering.

Some are very rational. And we have men who are also idealistic, and we have women who are pragmatic. But perfectly joined together in mind or in spirit, they complement each other in a very beautiful and harmonious relationship. Can you imagine living in this physical life with everyone being sexualist? This would be an awkward and strange relationship. But that's what many of the celebrities would have you to be. That's where the devil wants to take the world. And of course, it says, as it was in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah, so shall it be, that come before the coming of the Son of Man.

God wants to create within us His character and for us to become a member of His family. So in order for us to develop this character and for Him to create it within us, He instituted physical parallels which will allow us to understand more concretely His plan of salvation. An awesome plan! There's never been a plan like this one. And we can learn more about God and what He's doing through the family than we can from any other aspect of creation.

If it were not for the creation of male and female and the necessity of male and female coming together as one flesh in marriage to reproduce, there'd be no need for family, as it were. And that's why the gender roles are under such pressure. Those who try to blend the genders, the gender blenders as they call them, those who advocate homosexuality and try to tie it into love. Yes, God loves every person. Not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance. The Bible says that God is angry with the wicked every day. The Bible says that the fear of God is to hate evil, love the sinner and hate the sin. And God shall love the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believe in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. If there were no family, as we mentioned earlier, there would be no bond to hold society together. It's the glue of society. The fact that you come out of the loins of your parents ensures a natural bonding and affinity between you and your parents if your parents mirror as they should. Mirroring has to do with setting the right example. Substance in marriage requires one to understand the big picture of what God is doing. He's bringing sons and daughters to glory in His family.

The next key has two basic elements.

That is to obey God's government structure in marriage. There are two aspects of this. One is the administration of authority and the second is the response to authority or submission.

Let's go to 1 Corinthians 11. Here in 1 Corinthians 11, we get the structure.

1 Corinthians 11, verse 2, Now, phrase your brethren that you remember Me in all things and keep the ordinances as I deliver them to you. But I would have you to know what the hierarchical structure and the government of God is. Here it is.

But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ. The head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. Now, if you put it the other way, top to bottom, Paul sort of mixed it up, but it's clear what it is. God is the head of Christ. Christ is the head of man. Man is the head of woman. And then later in this chapter, it talks about the children, and the parents, of course, are over the children. This inability to administer God's government in marriage may be the greatest problem of all. Of the husband being either too authoritarian or he just withdraws and does nothing. And by default, and really this is to a large degree what has happened today, you are all familiar with that scripture in Isaiah 3.12, which says, and as for my people, children are their oppressors and women rule over them.

Well, in a lot of families, if it were not for the women, there would be no leadership at all.

Over half of the families in the United States of America today are living in single family units. And by unit, I don't mean a house. And that single parent, in well over 90% of the cases, is a woman. It's the mother. Government provides unity in the church, the family, and society when it is practiced as God asks us to practice it. How are men supposed to exercise authority? Let's go to Ephesians 5. I have a whole sermon devoted to administration of authority, and I have a whole sermon on the administration or submission, so I'm not going to go into great depth now, but a couple of the keys and continue on with the rest at this point. In Ephesians 5, how do you administer the authority?

In verse 21 is very important to all of this because this one says, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. So there is this aspect you could bring in Philippians 2 verses 1 through 5, and let each one esteem other better than themselves. Have this mind which was in Christ Jesus who humbled himself. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. The husband is the head of the wife. We read that structure in 1 Corinthians 11. Even as Christ is the head of the church, he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands and everything. Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. So how are the husbands supposed to administer authority in marriage? It is through sacrificial love and all the various components that constitute sacrificial love. Love is Christ said to love. How did Christ say to love? Christ is our Lord and Master, yet he came to serve. Notice Matthew 20, verse 25. One of the things that the church is now trying to emphasize is Christ-centered servant leadership following the example of Christ.

In Matthew 20, verse 25, Jesus called them unto him and said, You know that the princes of the nations exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them. But it shall not be so among you, but whosoever shall be great among you, let him be your minister, and whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant. He even asked the Son of Man, not to be minister unto, but to minister. This word minister is a very interesting one if you look at the whole etymological development of the word. It has a connotation of running through the dust for others. Even as the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister and to give his life as a ransom for many. So in the exercise of authority, the man is said to be the head of the woman, that he is supposed to provide the spiritual leadership. And when conflicts arise in marriage, it should be the husband who leads the way. But sadly, in my experience in the church through the years, when things come to the point that they really need outside help, that is, man and woman, husband, wife and marriage, that it is generally the wife who leads the way and seeks the help.

Should not be.

The administration of authority is so very important. As I said, we'll have at some point a sermon devoted to that and to submission by itself. And by submission, it does not mean that you are to be martyred, myrtle, and just to cower down and not confront the issues that are causing you the great suffering and trouble that you're going through. Where you are bottled up inside, you cannot have your feelings, you cannot express them, and you live walking on eggshells. That is not how God intended. The recipe for reconciliation is given in the Bible. And if your neighbor has an ought against you, who is the one? The word neighbor literally means the one that's closest to you. Is there anyone closer to you than your husband? Well, he might say yes, but you're supposed to be reconciled to all people. As it says in Hebrews, if it ends so much as possible to live peaceably with all men.

So husband and wife need to understand, one, the administration of authority, and secondly, what submission really means and what it's all about. Submission is really a state of mind. It comes into what you really are.

Let's go to Colossians chapter 3. Read one more verse here about this before we move on here and conclude. In Colossians chapter 3, the great aspect, one of the greatest aspects with regard to submission, is that God says when you submit, you're not just doing it to man, or for man's sake, it is as unto God. In verse 17, this is Colossians 3.17, Whatsoever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him. Why submit yourselves under your own husbands as it is fitting in the Lord. Now go to 1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter chapter 3. 1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1. Likewise, you wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also without the word, may be won by the conversation or conduct of the wife.

Verse 6. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, as long as you do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, you husbands will with them according to knowledge, giving honor of the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. So when you really administer authority and submit, as God says to do, it is unto God and not just unto man. The next key is to give yourselves completely, expecting nothing in return.

Boy, can you do that! And one of the main problems of people that I have counseled with through the years with regard to marriage problems, they're not willing to give up themselves. In Romans 5 verse 8, people tend to play the old standoff game. If you will say, you're sorry, I'll say that I'm sorry. Now, who's going to go first?

Christ set us an example that we should follow in his steps. So who goes first? Well, if the husband is who he says he is, that he is the spiritual leader of the family, that the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.

In Romans 5.8, who goes first? But God commended his love toward us, and that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Verse 7, scarcely for a righteous man would even dare to die.

But Christ commended his love toward us, and that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Who went first? Who paved the way? Who showed the love? Who showed the spiritual leadership? It was Christ. Now, quickly, we'll go to 1 John 4.

1 John 4, verse 16, If any man see his brother sin a sin, which is not unto death, he shall ask. He shall give him life for them that sin not unto death. There is a sin unto death, I did not say that you should pray for it. I'm reading chapter 5. That's not good. Chapter 16. In chapter 4, I want to start with 15. Whosoever shall confess that Jesus is the Son of God, God dwells in him and he in God. And we have known and believed in the love that God hath to us. God is love, and he that dwells in love dwells in God and God in him. Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in the world. See, he loves us first, and then we're to respond to him. So give yourselves completely expecting nothing in return. The next key is the sacrifice of communication. Remember the song we started with, Dolly Parton? His title, She Never Said So to Daddy? Mama never did miss the finer things of life. If she did, she never did say so to Daddy. Mama never did mine being taken for granted. If she did, she never said so to Daddy. One morning we awoke and we read this note. Mama had left because she was tired of being taken for granted. But she never said so to Daddy. She played Martyr Myrtle. She hated her husband and taught the kids to do the same. She became a runaway in the arena of life. See, you have to say so to Daddy, and Daddy has to say so to Mama. See, the sacrifice of communication. It is said that the human voice is the greatest vehicle for building a relationship. And that the human voice, and what it says, is the number one way whereby people perceive that they receive love from another person.

The three of the most powerful words on earth, I love you. Simple as that. In fact, they did a study. And that came in number one. Those three simple words. Go to Hebrews chapter 13. Hebrews chapter 13.

There's this communication sacrifices to God as well, but it's certainly applicable in marriage. You have to talk to one another if you want to have a close, intimate relationship. It is to a large degree through the human voice. In Hebrews 13, verse 15, By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name, but to do good and communicate, forget not, for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.

God views it as a sacrifice. The human voice is the number one bond builder. Don't let television, radio, telephones, movies, or computers talk for you. Don't let texting be your way. Don't let the cell phone be your way. It needs to be in person.

And the last key we're talking about today is repentance toward God and man. If you don't like what you see, repent and become converted. Repent in broad areas of attitude, of heart and mind. Change and outlook toward God, Christ, truth, the church, your mate, your role, your children. Not just, Lord, forgive me of xact, this lie or this gossip, but create within me a new heart. Once again, repent in broad areas. Attitude, heart, mind. And outlook toward God, toward Christ, toward the church, toward the truth, toward your mate, your role in marriage. Cry out as David did in Psalm 51.10. Create within me a new heart, O Lord.

See, all sin is against God, but some sins are against your own body. As Paul brings out in 1 Corinthians 6 with regard to joining your body to a harlot. Some sins are against your neighbor and cause it's him or her to stumble. But in one sense, all sin is against self. Sin is really to hate yourself if you understand the weight of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord.

So, brethren, I hope that we will review these keys, and our marriages and our lives will become substance as opposed to a shell or outward appearance. God created us male and female because he loves us and wants to share who he is and what he is with us. He is committed to us, to bringing sons and daughters to glory in his family. Keep that big picture burning brightly in your mind that God ordained marriage for a great purpose, parallels to a large degree what he is doing, and bringing sons and daughters to glory in his family. Obey God's structure for marriage, exercise that authority correctly, and respond to it as God would have us respond. God wants us to become living sacrifices and communicate. God wants us to become converted and humble ourselves as little children. If we employ these keys, we're not going to fail. We're not going to fail. Of course, these are not all-inclusive. I think these are the main ones. But if we put these things to practice in our lives, God will be very well pleased with us, and it will be His pleasure to give us the kingdom. Well good, thou good and faithful servant. You've been faithful over a few things. Now I enter into the joy of the kingdom. May God bless our marriages.