An Honorable Institution

Well, good morning, everyone. Or is it still morning? Yes, it's still morning. Nice to be up here with you on this very special occasion. It's amazing how weddings bring people together. We had an opportunity last night to be together with a number of the members of my wife's family, her side of the family, the Oaks and Griders and all of them. We had a really great time to be together, the McNair's. We had a great time together last night for dinner, and this morning a number of them got together for brunch as well, so it was really nice to get together. Two years ago, we had a wedding down in—Evan McNair was married, John McNair's son—down in North Carolina. And we all got together then, and my wife was on a high for two years thinking about that. So we got to figure out more weddings to take place so that we can get together more often. But weddings are awesome, and marriage is awesome, too. Wedding is the event that starts the marriage. So I want to please remember that as we go through this. I gave you a handout. I'll be referring to that and some of the quotes you have on the back. One side has some good key points. I'll refer to them. I'm not going to go through those thoroughly at all, but I thought you might like to have those in hand. The title of the sermon is An Honorable Institution. I want to start off by reading what we say in our marriage ceremony. After some preliminary comments, here's how it goes. Surely there can be no greater human joy than to have a happy marriage, filled with giving and sharing. There's no deeper relationship among human beings than that achieved by a husband and wife in marriage. Marriage is a natural union, but a divine institution. Ordained of God, it was established by the creator God at creation and derives its authority from the divine laws of God, immutable and unchangeable. And so begins the portion that they go through and talk about what God expects and how God will bless that particular marriage. Hebrews 13 and verse 14. Hebrews 13 and verse 4. What does the apostle Paul call marriage? Hebrews 13 and verse 4. I love the scripture because it tells us how we ought to think about and consider marriage. Hebrews 13 and verse 4. Marriage is honorable among all. What he's telling us is that marriage is an honorable institution. And why is it honorable?

Because it was made by the honorable God. It was made by the God who is honorable, who is to be honored. And you find that back in Genesis where God took Adam and Eve after he had created mankind, both male and female, and he brought them together and he blessed them first. And then he said to them, be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth. I believe inherent in that blessing, which we do also at weddings, was God's blessing upon them in marriage. Had they not been united, they would have just been having children out of wedlock. And they didn't do that.

So God blessed them. God is the inventor of marriage, and that's why it's an honorable institution. Remember how human beings were made? Let's look at Genesis chapter 2.

We will turn to this scripture. Genesis chapter 2, and by the way, after God had made humankind in chapter 1, you know what he said? It is very good. He made them male and female, and blessed them, blessing the marriage. He said it's very good. But in Genesis chapter 2 verses 7 and 8, the Lord God formed man of the dust to the ground. It tells us more details about how human beings came into existence. He formed them out of the dust to the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and man became a living being. So God created the first human beings, male and female. He made the man first, as we read in this extra details in chapter 2. Of course, he placed him in the garden. There were animals there that came by. He brought them by so he could name them. You know, the cow, horse, donkey, whatever he was naming them.

Whatever he called them, that was their name. I don't know how he got the names, but anyway, he did. He called them. Let's skip down to verse 18. The Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. So he saw male and female among all the animals. But for him, there was not a mate found. Now, we had a dog Tootsie for 16 years. She was the sweetest little poodle. She loved my wife more than me, unfortunately, but she came to me for food. But she came to her for love and care. And we loved that little dog. And sometimes I would see her and talk to her. You know, you could talk to her. She doesn't talk back. You can caress her, hold her. She doesn't fudge away, move away. She doesn't give you a lot of grief. She was just there with us. And we loved her. But you know what she couldn't do? She couldn't give me advice. She couldn't be a help for me. She was a help in many ways, but not truly in all the ways of humankind. So God said, it's not good that the man should be alone. Notice what he said. I will make a helper comparable to him, not inferior to him, only in responsibility. And we see that in other scriptures. So out of the ground, God made male and female. Notice verse 20. And Adam gave names to all the animals, all the cattle and everyone, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. King James, old King James, calls that a help-meet. M-E-E-T, not M-E-A-T. Help-meet. Better translated, comparable. Someone comparable to him. Someone who can be there on his same level, except not in responsibility for the overall direction. Verse 21, the Lord God caused the deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed it up in the flesh thereof. God performed the first operation and took a rib out, and God made a woman. It's interesting. Verse 22, then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman. If you check the word made in the Hebrew, you know what it was? Built. God built a woman for Adam.

And you know, when God does things, he doesn't do them half-heartedly. He does them wonderfully. And she had to be beautiful, and he had to be handsome. And here you had this perfect couple being created. Notice as we go on, the rib he made this into a woman, and he brought her to the man, and Adam said, wow! He really didn't say wow, but he did say, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, ish-ah, because it means out of man, from man, because she was taken out of man. And verse 24, and this is a vital principle, verse 24, therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. So a vital principle, we'll see that enunciated a little further in this message. So to see how man was made. But what happened to that perfect couple? Here's the perfect couple, made perfect! How long did that last? We're not told the time span, but it couldn't have been very long because she was walking along, looking things Adam was supposed to be with. Adam was with her, apparently, and she was looking. She said, oh, all those trees look so nice. And of course, Satan the devil tempted her, said, well, this serpent said, has God told you you can't eat of any of these trees? Oh, no, we could eat of all these trees. Oh, well, except for that one there, and the knowledge of good and evil, that's the one we can't eat. God said, don't touch it, lest you die. And you know what the devil said, or Satan, in the person of a serpent, said, you won't surely die. But where was Adam? So she took the forbidden fruit, could have been a banana, could have been a peach, could have been a whatever, they just call it an apple. That's why I get called this an Adam's apple, gets stuck in your throat, whatever.

The Adam's apple, when you think about it, he made that, he made mankind, he told them, do this. And the first thing they didn't do, they didn't listen to him. And so she took of the tree, because the devil tempted her, deceived her. But it also says she gave it to Adam with her.

And it said she was deceived, but Adam was not. So where was Adam leading to her? Why wasn't he out in front? Why wasn't he saying, no, Eve, we can't do that? He wasn't, and he didn't. He wasn't leading. Then they started the blame game. Well, this woman you gave me, that's why I did it. And she said, well, it was the devil who did it. And they played the blame game. Instead of admitting what they did, they disobeyed God, and they had to be cast out of the beautiful garden of Eden.

Interestingly enough, in marriage, and one of my points you'll see, their children didn't turn out too well. The first child mentioned in the scriptures came, killed his younger brother, Abel. So this ideal couple has all this turmoil, and yet, you know how long Adam lived? 930 years. Now, I don't know how long his wife lived, but if they had a miserable marriage, I would have had a long time to be married in a miserable situation. 930 years. Methuselah, the oldest one, lived in the Bible 969 years. But a lot of Adam's kids, you could read about 800 years. They lived for 880. They lived a long time. When you think about it, that's a long time to be married to someone when you're blaming each other, when you're not in charge, when you're not doing what's right, and when you're cursed by God.

The perfect first marriage was a bust. They procreated. They added people to the world, but their marriage itself was a bust. They dishonored their creator in their marriage.

But what may we do to make our marriages wonderful, acceptable, and honorable to God?

Here are some marriage reminders for Jacob and Montana, but for all of us, and for the future, for your future. If you're not married yet, for your future. If you're married now, this is for you. If you're going to be married, this is for you. How may we bring honor to God and the institution of marriage? So I have six points. I'll go through them pretty fast because we don't have a ton of time, but I'll try to give each one enough time. I'll give a lot of time to number two. But number one, the first reminder to make an honorable marriage is to remember that marriage is for two.

Marriage is for two. How many times have I heard a man say, let's get married so I can be happy? What happened to let us? And then it comes to I. Us is plural, you and me, and I is singular.

Marriage is for two. That is a vital point to keep in mind. And yes, the man is to be the head of the home, and I will always teach that. But you must learn in marriage. It's we, not me.

As one person pointed out to me, you could take the M and turn it over, and it becomes a W. You want to have we, not me. And the more you could talk about what do we want to do, how do we want to do this, where do we want to go, what do we want to eat, where do we want to go for a vacation, how often do we want to visit our family? We, not me. Have you keep that in mind? You have one great step toward that. You'll notice in an article that I wrote years ago called, It Takes Two. You don't have that quote, but I have it here. Jesus Christ replied to the questioning Pharisees. This is Matthew 19 verses 4 to 6. He said, Have you not read, and then skip a few words, for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And that means stick like glue, by the way. Cleave to her. Stick like glue. The two shall become one flesh. Two shall become one. So that's a great equation. Two become one. How is that?

A man and a woman become a married couple, a new family unit. Two become one. But I'll tell you, the best equation I ever heard was one plus one equals three. What? One plus one equals three.

Because when a man marries a woman and they are, when man and a woman get together and are married, what is important on the other side? The man's still important, the woman's still important, and the marriage is important. All three. If you say one plus one equals two, who are the two?

Who are the two? The man and the wife? Okay, what about the marriage? So you want to give equal attention to the wife, to the husband. Each one has to be his or her own person and grow. And as each one of those individuals in the marriage grows, so does the marriage.

One plus one equals three is a great equation. Another number, if you want a number, is marriage is about 100 percent, 100 percent. It's not like, okay, I'm going to do 50, you do 50. That way you get 100 percent. Always a problem with that, because sometimes my view of 50 might be 49.

My wife's view of 50 might be 50, so one percent is missing, or it might be lower than that. When two people get married, their desire is to make the marriage work, and they're willing to give what they need to give in that marriage for it to work. Let me read a couple more comments here. This is a very important lesson in this verse. Marriage takes two. Two people of the opposite sex are joined together as one in that wonderful institution called marriage, skipping down.

But how should the husband be the head of the wife? Does this mean that marriage is only for the husband to fulfill his desires? Shouldn't both the wife, husband and wife, make decisions that will affect the marriage jointly? Should either mate in the marriage only seek to fulfill his or her own personal desires and needs? It's not about you. Yes, you'll get joy and happiness, and we hope you will. But it's about both of you. It's not about one saying, well, let's get married so I can be happy.

It's let's get married so we can be happy. And it takes two. The Apostle Paul, and I said here, since the Bible designates the husband as the head, he must be especially careful that he does not function on his own with little or no consideration for his wife or family. I'm the boss here. I drag the family with me wherever I want to go. It's about two. And I always say, anytime it's about I counsel, I've counseled hundreds for marriage.

And I can tell you that it is very important for the man to seek the input from his wife. It's very important on everything relating to the marriage. Now, if I wanted to buy a tie and I went shopping and I like this tie, I always like my wife to go with me or say, honey, what do you think? Do you like this time? She might say, well, it's sort of okay, but I don't know if my family, I really like this tie. Can I get this tie?

Yeah, I get this tie. Now, if my wife says, I hate that tie, am I going to get it so I can wear it to cause her great frustration? No, I'm not going to do that. I'll show you. I'm the man here. I'll get whatever I want. When it is about you personally, you make that choice. You make the choice what color glasses you want to, frames for your glasses you want to get. You make the choice on a lot of things when you go shopping.

But I want my wife's, I don't want my wife to hate what I put on. I want her to like what I put on. I want her input. She wants my input.

So she'll say, what do you think about this talk? What do you think about that? That's fine. Most of the time, I don't have any great insight on those, but I have an idea what might look good and might not look good. So we can ask each other, but she's important and I'm important, but the marriage is important too.

We've got to be considerate of what each of us does on our own is going to do for the marriage. And especially when we're all going to use, we need a new refrigerator. Yeah, but I like TV, so I'm going to get a big TV and forget about the refrigerator. You can use an ice box. They did it back then, years ago. Buy ice every year, put it in this box and not keep things cold. You got to consider what's good for us.

That's where the we comes in. We, we, we. And it's not French, by the way. Paul was inspired to follow the instruction to wives about being submissive to their husbands with the following inspired teaching. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. So if a husband's going to be emulating Jesus Christ, he's going to be giving himself for his wife. He's going to be doing what he can to help her be inclusive.

And that first marriage in Genesis 3, and I'll come to that a little bit later, you'll see it in our communication, it's really important for the husband to seek his wife's input on matters, having to do with the family, with the marriage. On his own things, he can make different decisions on his own as she can. But when it comes to that, that's a great thing. To love one's wife, there needs to be outgoing concern for her and her feelings. The husband might not, ought not, to discount her thoughts and input in major decisions that affect her and the family. So he shouldn't just say, oh, you can't think that way. It's not, you're not allowed to think that way. So the first point is marriage is for two. It takes both. You don't marry yourself, you marry someone else and their feelings and their thoughts, very important. The second one I'm going to cover, the second reminder to have a happy and successful and an honorable marriage, is communication. Do you know, I used to think marriage, but more important issues, you'll see eight of them, you'll see like 14 or 15 I listed. The first eight are what many marriage and family therapists believe are the most important for a foundational and stable marriage. The first eight, I added others based on input I had from my classes that I taught, based on my own thoughts in dealing with it, especially godliness, number nine. But we'll go over those in a little bit, but communications are very important and some will put it right at the top of the list. Communication. One of the eight foundational qualities for marriage, for a marriage and a successful marriage, is communication. Genesis 3 17, remember what did Adam do? Adam hearkened to the voice of his wife because you've listened to your wife and took of the tree which I told you not to because you did that. I'm going to curse you. So I'm not listening to my wife anymore and I have had couples that I did marriage and one thing I said to this one younger couple. I said now she's quicker than you are. She is more thoughtful and more ideas and more creative and she'll be bringing things to the table for you to consider and I hope you'll consider them. Not because, oh I didn't think of that, so we're not doing that. Some husbands, their wife says, wife says, honey let's go to a movie. We're going bowling. If she says, let's go bowling, we're going to a movie. Somehow they don't like it if the if the mate is right about things and that's not the way to be. You're in that together. You're a team. Cheer for your team. Support your team. Either way, husbands and wives. It's really important to recognize that and I can tell you, you know, I believe thoroughly in Ephesians 5, man's the head of the home, but I'll tell you something. It's how he's the head that'll make all the difference in the world about that marriage, being happy or unhappy. So communications are vital and positive communications. Philippians 4, 8 tells us to think on these things. Think on these things that are lovely. Think on these things that are of good report. What do they have to do with it? They're positive.

It's really important that husband and wife inject a lot of positivity into their relationship. I'm going to quote something from one of the sides of your sheet. It says, quotes for marriage sermon.

And take a look at quote A. Quote A.

That's the top ones. You don't have it on yours. I have it on mine.

Communication is to love what blood is to life. And that was a quote from before you say, I do by Robertson Wright and their marriage and family therapist, by the way. And also after you say I do has the same quote, which is given to married couples. Communication is to love what blood is to life. It keeps the life going. It keeps the marriage going. And look at the second one. Communication is the means, and this comes from the intimate marriage. Communication is the means by which relating takes place. Its quality determines how a relationship is established, whether it is continued or terminated. Good communication is the ability to transmit and receive meanings. Meanings, not just words, because words can sometimes be inadequate. What's the attitude, the mood of that person when he says this?

Can you read in what he's saying? Sometimes they use the wrong word. You hold them to that word. You're a technician. You're a detective. It is the instrument for achieving that mutual understanding, which is at the heart of marital intimacy. You can't be intimate with another person sharing if you can't communicate, if you miss each other, fly bys.

And I know couples that are like that, and throw in with that empathy. Empathy.

It's important that both be empathetic. Do you know how your partner feels? Can you read their feelings? Can you tell when they feel hurt about something? Can you tell when they're disappointed? It's really important. I had one couple like counsel. They were a really nice couple many years ago, Ambassador College. And we're coming through the section on do you understand each other, communicate, and I said, so what do you do when you, when she, what does she do when she feels hurt or bad about something? And the guy said, I don't know. And I asked her, what do you, what do you, what does he do when he feels bad or hurt or something? And she right away identified it. He had no, in that sense, no empathy. He could not read what she was feeling. He couldn't even be close to it.

So my advice to her, because they were a great couple otherwise, you may have to tap him on the shoulder and say, I'm hurting. I feel sad. I'm not happy.

You may have to tap him because he doesn't read you. When a person does read you, that is awesome. And communications, being able to see the tone and feel what's going on is very important and vital. See, it's not in communication, it's not what you say. It's how you say it.

How it is said. So if a husband tells his wife, of course I love you. Does that sound like a loving statement? Of course I love you. No, it's not very loving, is it? Why? His manner. Maybe he's wrinkled his nose when he did it. Of course I love you. He's furrowed his brow. If you just take the words, he said, I love you. But everything else is saying no, he doesn't. At least not at that moment. So it's really important to have good communication. 1 Peter 3 verses 1 to 8. 1 Peter 3 verses 1 to 8. In this particular section, let's take a look and see husbands are to be caring and thoughtful and clear and also to have respect for their wives and their feelings and their thoughts. 1 Peter chapter 3.

1 Peter 3. And by the way, the instruction in this section, the first six verses are all instructions to the wives. See how bad they are? They needed six times as much instruction as the men. The men in verse 7. Only one for the men. But when you understand what was going on at that time, a lot of women came into the church and if sometimes their husbands did not.

And a husband had power of life and death over his wife. And so Peter, in his concern for the wife, was really giving instruction to them to be careful, take it easy, show respect, show honor. 1 Peter 3 verse 1. Likewise, you wives, be in submission to your own husbands. And again, couples ought to have a nice talk with each other about what does it mean to submit? What is your view of submit? What is my view of submit? Let's come together and understand it. Does submit mean like Islam, follow on your knees and bow to the ground? Is that what submit means?

Or does it mean she understands the ultimate is in his hands? But does she have a chance to give input all the way through? You better hope so. If the man is going to make an awful decision, you better hope that that wife has the opportunity to say, that's a bad decision, please don't make it. Yes, yes, honey, let's just do it.

We need to buy something new, so let's not tithe for a month.

And the wife says, honey, that's breaking God's law. I don't agree with that. Can she say that? Or she's just going to say, yes, honey, let's just do whatever you want. Is that submission? Again, you don't want to get into where it's fighting, but you do want to be able to spend time with each other in that sense of being able to understand what the other person wants. Notice he says that they may be one if they don't obey the word, the word of God, they're not in the church. They may without the word be one by the conduct of the wives. And he stresses, make your conduct good. Keep it, keep yourself in check. Verse 2, when they observe your chased conduct, coupled by fear, you have a deep respect for the situation. Verse 3, do not let your beauty be the outward adorning of the arranging of hair, the wearing of gold, the putting on of fine apparel. What do people know about you? Do they know your character?

Or do they know the jewelry you wear, how you do your hair? What do they know about you?

Now, God loves beauty. He made things beautiful. God doesn't reject people wanting to look nice.

Is that the only thing you come to the table with? Or do you come to the table with character?

Do you come to the table with steadiness? Do you come to the table with honor?

All those areas are very important when you consider them. But he told them, it's not just what you wear. My one aunt, she owned a jewelry store, she'd never had any children. My mom's oldest sister, in fact, the oldest family member of 10. She owned a store, a clothing store. She owned a clothing store for women. And she dressed, and she had all this costume jewelry. Every time she came, she had jewelry. You could hear her, and she came to the door. She had so much jewelry. And she always liked to put real thick make lipstick on. And she always liked to grab us boys, my brother Dave and me, and give us a kiss right on cheek so that the makeup, just the lipstick, just lip marks were there. She liked to do that. She was very gaudy.

She was a nice woman, too. But what you noticed about her to start with was how much jewelry she had on, and did a jangle and bobble, and she wore it. And her makeup. That's what you noticed. So again, he tells just characters important. Verse 4, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God, precious in the sight of God. Verse 5, for in this manner, the former times holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves being submissive to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. That's a new thing. Now, we should call our women, we should call their husbands Lord. You know, Lord Darris, Lord Mike, Lord Todd, Lord Bart, Lord Jacob. Is that what you do? Lord Alan, Lord Carl.

When might you use it? It's a title like Sir. When might you use that title? Well, maybe you just dropped your husband's heirloom watch that he inherited from his great great grandfather. It was a pocket watch and it was on the top of the dresser and you were dusting it and you went and it flew onto the floor and shattered into many pieces. When he came home that night, you might want to say, Sir, I broke your dad's great your great granddad's watch accidentally. That might be the time to to grovel a little bit, but all the time calling him Lord Sir, Lord Sir, Sir, Sir Jacob, you know, Sir Bart, Sir Carl, whatever. To say that, not good, but it is a title of respect. And by the way, Sarah was anything but quiet when she was laughing when God said you're going to have a child. He could hear her in the other room, other area of the tent. So again, God, the first part of it, Peter wanted to keep the ladies healthy and well and not be threatened. Verse 7, Likewise, you husbands, dwell with them with understanding. How do you have understanding? Good communications.

Giving honor to the wife. How do you give honor to them and never let them have any input?

How do you give honor to them and never give them a chance to comment? To give the thoughts on a particular issue, a particular event, a particular style. To give honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life. One of the best speeches I heard in women's club was a young lady who gave a speech about the difference between a wine glass and a mug for beer, beer mug, beer stein.

And she showed how they both served a great purpose. The wine glass was more delicate, it hurt, sir, it held wine. The beer mug had this frothy brew in it and she showed if you were to take these two and clink them together, which one would break? Well, probably the wine glass.

But they were both important, they were both valuable, and they one might be weaker than the other, but it wasn't less valuable. That was whole point like a husband and a wife.

The husband might be like the beer stein, the wife like the fine. They're both fine, both serve a great and wonderful purpose. So I thought that was a really interesting way to talk about a weaker vessel and as the wife and the husband being a stronger vessel and being heir. And by the way, if you thought your wife was a weaker vessel, would you let her carry the laundry up three flights of stairs? Would you drop her off at a laundromat in a very unsavory part of town so she could do the wash while you went and did your thing?

Or would you be with her? Would you be with her if she goes grocery shopping at night in an area that might not be too safe? Would you be with her if you thought she was a weaker vessel? Yes, she would. So again, there's something positive about that as well.

So he said, as being heirs together, your heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. So communications, very important, some very important words or phrases in marriage.

I love you. I love you. Now, you could sit down, husbands could sit their wives down on their wedding night and say, listen to me carefully, I'll say this once and I mean it sincerely, I love you. Now, I'm not going to tell you again because I mean it.

Now, how many wives would like that? Never ever again to hear, I love you, because they already told you. Well, of course, it's a fact, I love you. They're, no, I don't need to say it anymore. They love to hear it more. I love you. So do husbands. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you even for little things you do. Thank the other person. Give them appreciation. I'm sorry is another phrase. I'm sorry. So many people can't bring themselves to the point. I'm not going to say I'm sorry. I didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you're sorry for the predicament. Maybe you're sorry for the circumstances that they have developed now.

But do you say you're sorry and have a forgiving heart and spirit as well? So if somebody does say I'm sorry, you say you're forgiven. I hate to tell people that, because I think, who am I to forgive you? What I need all the forgiveness in the world from my God.

Who am I that I should forgive you? But we should have a forgiving heart.

And another good phrase, how may I help? How may I help you? Do you need any help? How may I help you? See, you're in this together. And I know sometimes you can get to the place where you say, why do I have to do that? Why do I have to do this? And sometimes you say, and I have to say to myself, check yourself, Garrett. This is marriage. It's not about you. It's not about your wife, Barb. It's about togetherness. And sometimes I do things that I don't like doing, but I do them. And that's important to know that you as an individual care about the other person. How may I help you? Because it's about the marriage itself. Solving problems, very important to have good communication. Do not, do not shove problems under the rug. Oh, let's not, I don't want to discuss that anymore. I don't want to get into anything. I don't want to deal with this. Let's just put it under the rug. You know what happens? You put enough dirt under the rug, you get a hole, you get a mound of dirt still there, just not seen.

Good communications allow you to solve problems. Very important. In fact, Proverbs 18, 21 tells us, death and life is in the power of the tongue.

Death and life, you can hurt people so badly you'll never recover. Never recover from that.

So you want to deal with problems, deal with the situation. And again, Proverbs 15 verse 1 says, the soft answer turns away wrath. Soft answer turns away wrath and to be tactful with the other individual. Ephesians 4, 15 summarizes what I'm trying to say in this section on communication. Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 15. But speaking the truth in love, you may grow up in all things. Notice how is the truth spoken? It's how it said. It's not what is said, how it said, speaking the truth in love. Vital, vitally important. And finally, on this one point, and I could go quote Esther, Esther made requests. Remember when she had to go to save the Jews? She had to go into the king, and she had to ask the king. Hopefully he would extend to her the seper because if he didn't, she could be killed. There was a death sentence to intrude into the king's time without him accepting you. Well, she accepted him. Rather, he accepted her to come in. And her way of talking was if it please you, if it is okay, and if you want to. A lot of good requesting and not demanding. So it was a manner in which she did it. Proverbs 31 and verse 26 tells us that Proverbs 31 woman had the law of kindness in her mouth. Do you have the law of kindness in your mouth?

Is what you say to people motivated by kindness? Or is it motivated with revenge? Is it motivated? I'll get back at him. Is it motivated with with hurt?

Proverbs 31 and 26, the law of kindness was in her mouth. We all do well to have the law of kindness in our mouths. The third point, that's the one on communication. Third point, remember your roles in marriage. Remember your roles. And what are the roles? The husband is to love and lead, and the wife is to love and respect and support. Remember the roles, Ephesians 5, 21-33.

Ephesians 5 verses 21-23, we find in here two things, submit and love. And why is it that God emphasizes that to the woman to submit? Because she sees the head of her family regularly.

You know what he doesn't see? His head.

She sees his dirty socks. She may smell them too. She sees his ineptness in taking care of himself and doing things, leaving clothes here, leaving tools here, whatever. She sees his weaknesses.

God emphasizes to her to respect. Don't let respect go out the window because you see him. The man, I don't see Jesus Christ. I see about him. Never see. I don't know if he ever had BO after working all day. I don't know if he would have been a sin for the Savior of mankind to have body odor. I don't think so. Did he have dirt under his fingernails after working all day? Could he have had them? Could he have eaten with unwashing hands? Oh, is that a sin? It's not a sin. I don't see any of Jesus Christ's idiosyncrasies, and neither do you. And as a man, it's easy for me to respect him. But the woman, she sees her husband's humanity.

God emphasizes her. Don't let the fact that you see that cause you to disrespect him.

And so he ends verse chapter 5, talks about it being like the marriage is like Christ in the church. Very important to remember that. Very important. I'll cover that again at the end.

But in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 33, he summarizes it this way. He says, nevertheless, he talks about it being a great mystery. Verse 52, he's really talking about Christ in the church. But verse 32, 33, he says, nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and the wife see that she respects her husband.

Let me quote something to you about positivity which I passed over. It's on that sheet of quotes. I want to read this to you. This is down at the bottom of the page. This is what John Gottman, who's very famous in writing about marriage and marriages and how they can be happier, he says, across the board, breaking into a thought. Across the board, we found there was a very specific ratio that exists between the amount of positivity and negativity in a stable marriage. Now, he doesn't say there'll never be any negativity. Good marriages sometimes have some fights. Good marriages sometimes disagree. You would like to never happen, and that's only like 98 percent. Sorry, 2 percent. 98 percent of couples will have arguments or difficulties or tiffs, whatever you want to call them. Discussions, where they don't agree. Two percent don't. The two percent are called the heavenly twins because they just nothing bothers them. Nice day out, Martha. Yes, Clem. Very nice day outside. Martha, do you want to have stew tonight? Yes, yes, Clem. I like stew. I like it the way you make it, Clem. And they sit there. What kind of music do you like to listen to, Clem? Well, I like country western. What do you like, Martha? I like country western. They never argue. That's only like 2 percent. So people will have discussions when you take two independent people. We'll put them together. Let me read the last part of this. The magic ratio of positive to negative is five to one. In other words, as long as there is five times as much positive feeling, you said felling in yours and I'm sorry, all of them say felling instead of feeling, I apologize, and interaction between husband and wife, as there is negative, we found that marriage is likely to be stable. It comes from the book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman, page 57. It's important to have a positive attitude. I give commendation to both of my daughters and their husbands that they see things positively, that they like to give compliments to their children. And when I talk to Begget or Stephanie, they'll say, my grandchildren, if I taught and Susie, I'll say, how's your day going? Great! I'm having a great day! You know, they try to be positive about life. I'm sure every day isn't great, but they try to be positive about it. Positivity is so important in a marriage, and it's important to set the atmosphere. In your roles, keep those roles clear. 4. Love and Intimacy. Love and Intimacy. This one's vital. I'll read the last quote, which is the middle one. The word intimacy, on your quotes for a marriage sermon, the word intimacy, like love, is a symbol that carries a freight of meanings, as diverse as a peddler's wear. Intimacy is an art of as many expressions as there are artists to express it. It is often expressed in sharing. What I mean by intimacy is where you're willing to share, where you share ideas, where you share thoughts, where you share crises. Crises can be shared.

You know, when my dad was dying, my wife was right there. And that made me love her more and appreciate her more, because she took an interest in trying to help me through what my dad was going through. Crises can be very helpful to binding a marriage together. It is expressed in shared joys, not as shared joys and sorrows, in respect for the deepest needs of the other person and a struggle to understand him or her. Page 24, and that comes from the intimate marriage. So it's important to be willing to share and to have intimacy and love. And again, love is so important. Titus 2.4, by the way, it does say Ephesians, husbands love your wives, Ephesians 5.25. Husbands love your wives.

Again, do you love your wife? Do you have outgoing concern? Care? It's important that we do.

And Titus 2.4 is the only scripture I've been able to find in the Bible that actually says that a wife should love her husband. Most of the cases, it just says wives submit. So I like to quote this scripture, Titus 2 verse 4. It is okay, ladies, to love your husbands, because in the original wedding ceremony that we used to do, it never asked the woman, do you promise to love your husband?

My wife never promised to love me. Mr. Armstrong did it. The original one was made and it says, do you promise to submit to him? Nowhere did she promise to love me.

And there aren't very many places, but Titus 2 and verse 4, the older women should admonish the younger women to love their husbands and to love their children. So you have a biblical order and command to love your husbands. You have justification for loving him. And it is very important that both of you love. Love and respect. Love and honor. Malachi talks about a wife being a companion to her husband. She's your companion. And with two people, I have some couples from the world coming in counseling with me. And the one couple I just said, don't you treat each other as precious? How precious is your wife to you when they make comments about each other, when they call each other names? I'm leaving you if you don't do this. What an ultimatum!

I'm leaving you. I said, how dare you? I want to take out from the man, but I did. I try to be, outside as a counselor, I want to be careful. But I said, you should never be telling your wife that. You should never call her names. Is she precious to you? Why would you ever call her a name?

If I have a baseball team, I cheer for my teammates.

I may not like all of them. I may not get along well with all of them, but they're on my team, and I'm cheering for them. When you get when you're married, that's your team.

Are you cheering for each other or not? And again, respect is so important. And along with that, in love, if there's love there in the relationship, there's trust.

Do you ever think about what does it mean to trust somebody? Trust occurs when you know no one will hurt you, when you feel safe with them.

Trust. And if a person loves you, if a husband loves his wife, trust will come naturally. I trust you because you love me.

When you love a person, trust will come automatically.

Let's go to number five and six. I'm not going to take long with them. Number five. The Oscar-winning movie stars.

The Oscar-winning movie stars. Did you know that your children see the same movie?

Every day of their lives.

And they see that movie when they're awake, but they all day long, 24-7, well, except for when they're sleeping, they see a movie. You know what that movie's about?

It's about romance. It's about a husband and a wife. And it's about parents and children. And when children come along, they see that movie every day. And you wonder why they turn out that way with some of the same mannerisms, some of the same habits, some of the same words, say some of the same words and walk like that other person, some of the same mannerisms, because they see that movie every day. So my counsel to you, married couples, be good movie stars, not just good Oscar-winning movie stars.

And your example is important. Remember the case of Esther? Why did Queen Vashti become dethroned?

Why was she thrown out from the king? You know why? She disobeyed him.

In public. And all of his counselors came to him and they said, if you let her disobey you in public like this, word will spread throughout the empire.

And all the women and all the princes and earls and others, they'll do the same thing.

Because people see examples.

And your marriage determined you're going to be Oscar-winning movie stars.

For the sake of each other, but even more importantly, for the sake of your children, who will see you and emulate you. And the last one, number six.

The last one, number six, is please God. Please God.

God wants to be a part of it. We sang Psalm 127 or 128. You know, unless the Lord shall build the house, labor in vain, who builds it?

Make God a part of your marriage. God wants to be. God says the head of every...

the apostle Paul wrote, the head of every woman is the man, every man is Christ, and the head of Christ is God.

God and Christ want to be a part of your marriage.

They want to be a part of your family. They want to bless you.

We read in the Proverbs where a good man obtains favor from the Lord, and we read that whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord. Who wants to bless you? Who wants to be involved in your marriage? My wife and I didn't have any children for five years. For those years, we tried.

We tried every which way that they said you should be able to generate a child.

And, unsuccessfully, did so.

Mr. Armstrong, who did our wedding in Bridget Wood, England, knew we were childless. And he said to me one time, this is about five years later, from our marriage, he said, why don't you go over to my house? If you want me to, I'll be happy to anoint you.

So he anointed my wife and me. We didn't know who was the fault, if either.

And he anointed us in January. My wife conceived in February.

And Janice Bury, here, was the result in November.

God wants to bless you. God wants to bless us. Have Him in your marriage. Have Him in your marriage for strength. Have Him in your marriage by praying. Have Him in your marriage by knowing that each one of you, Proverbs 19-14, says a good wife is from the Lord. A prudent wife is from the Lord. Pray for each other. Pray with each other. Pray at night. Pray at mealtime. Pray together.

And it's interesting when you pray together, and I don't like always to pray together because I want my prayer to go to God. I'm not praying for my husband to hear what I'm saying to God, but sometimes it is interesting when you do say, Lord, you kneel down on each side of the bed, and you pray to God and say, Father, we're about to go to bed tonight. Thank you so much for marriage or whatever. And now I'm going for my wife, and I'm going to turn it over to her for her to pray. And then she prays. And then I say, I'll turn it over to her to pray, and she can turn it back to me, and I'll close. Or I'll just turn it over to her to pray, and she can close. And so we hear what each other says. That's not our main prayer, but it is a prayer together at lunchtime or dinnertime when we're home together. I say, honey, would you like to say the prayer this time? And she'll say it.

Or I'll say it. Keep God in your marriage. Stay close to Him. Pray. Study. Because He's the one that invented marriage. It is an honorable institution. He wants each one of us to make sure we do our best by inculcating these six points of Marriages for Two, communication, remember your roles, love and intimacy, Oscar-winning movie stars, and please God. If you do these, you will have a marriage that will be honorable to God, and you'll be a part of an honorable institution.