How to Deal With Difficult People

I think I'm on now. I gave a sermon a few weeks back called The Collection. It was about wisdom, and that a few people send me something that might... I found interesting about wisdom. One, it says it's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say, then don't say it. Not that it's very profound.

Would have saved me embarrassment a few times if I'd have done that. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Another profound saying. And I can relate to this one. Worrying must work. 90% of the things I worry about never happen. So I thought those were words of wisdom, and I can include the next time I give that. The title of today's message is How to Deal with Difficult People. You might see that. How to deal with difficult people. Perhaps you saw the video or heard the news story or read about it, of the American Airlines passenger that reclined their seat. And to someone sitting on the last row who could not recline theirs, and the gentleman proceeded to, during the 45-minute flight, just punch her seat the entire time, which caused some uproar from both sides. How do you deal with difficult people? We all have them, don't we? We all run into them. We know them. Hopefully we are not one of them.

Now, interesting from an article in Psychology Today on how to deal with difficult people. They had five points. First one, listen. Second one, stay calm. Third, don't judge. Fourth, reflect respect. And number five, avoid smiling.

Someone's upset and they bring you something and you go. Not exactly very common to the person or even to yourself. Success magazine said there were three points of a strategy for dealing with them, and they used the acronym HUG. First one is hearing them. Hear the person. The second one, understand. Understand where they are coming from. And the third, guide them. Make them respect you by staying calm. Hopefully that will work. Most of us realize dealing with difficult people over our lifetime that in each and every one of us, there is a fight or flight mechanism. It's a natural reaction that we either are going to confront that person or we're going to just leave the scene back away, look at another day. But for most of us, really, it comes down to us, doesn't it? Comes down to us. We cannot and will not be able to change most difficult people. So it starts with us. Not being emotionally affected. Not letting someone get, as they say, under our skin. And we've all had those people, have we not? You might have even had some of those in this room that got under your skin. But it's something that we can control. It's really us first when that situation happens. And it will happen. But conflict can be tough on a lot of people. Some people are not really, as they say, made for it. Some people will do anything to avoid conflict with others. Being liked is usually craved by most people. Really is. I know salespeople must learn not to take rejection, personally. If you've ever been in sales, it's something that you have to get used to. You have to get used to somebody saying, No, I don't like your product. I'm not buying anything from you. That's not natural to go, okay, thank you for your time. Yes, sir.

Most of us feel like we are nice people who wouldn't like us. Right? It's a natural feeling, but it's not realistic in this time, in this world today. I remember I was a young salesman with a company, and I was in my late 20s. This company that I was working for had someone come in to sell us some products. His name was Larry. Larry was a middle-aged guy, and Larry just came in, and he talked a little bit. It went out in our inventory and saw if we needed anything, and just wrote it up. Just a nice guy. I asked my boss, Jack, at the time, I said, Jack, how long has Larry been selling? Because I was in my first or second year of selling. He goes, oh, probably 25 years. I said, wow, he's been there that long. He must be doing pretty well. He said, Jack, he makes about half what you make. I said, really? He said, yeah, he chose this company, and he's been working for them ever since. I said, well, why wouldn't he do? He's been selling all the time. Why wouldn't you want to make more money and do this? He said, because Larry doesn't like conflict. Larry is not a salesman. Larry is an order taker. And so he chooses to not have conflict in his life. And that was fine. But I understood at that time, as my boss was telling me, you're going to run into conflict and rejection. That's part of life, but it's part of this job. I looked on YouTube this week and found a professional advisor that goes into large companies or corporations and advises the personnel on how to deal with difficult people at your workplace. Because just like teachers that are tenured, there's nothing you can do about it. They're going to stay. And just like you may have a difficult boss, but he's liable to be there. And so this individual goes in and talks to people and advises them on how to handle. And the first thing he will tell people is, when there's conflict, take a deep breath. Now, you've always heard that. But he said it does calm you as an individual. And it helps you to have a calming effect. You can chill out. But his other pieces of advice to most people is, don't label others. Don't label others. And we all probably have a little bit of issue with that, because we want to label people. Perhaps, he used to be a phrase, he's a problem child. I was called that. My mother will be here next week for service. So if you really want to know what a problem child is, you can ask her. Since I was one, as she said, perhaps you've used the phrase, you know, they're a real pain. Or maybe even other less flattering labels, right? We even have them in the church. Oh, they're unconverted, right? They're worldly. Or even carnal. These were catchphrases we would use. And he's saying, you want to not have so much stress in your life, learn not to label. Can, or is it possible, are we labeled a difficult person? Now, I doubt anybody's going to raise their hand and say, oh, I'm proud of being a difficult person. If you are, I'm glad you're here today. Because we don't want to be difficult. Nobody likes having to deal with difficult people, but we all have to. Let's say there's 40 to 45 in here today. The world would be a better place if there were 40 to 45 less difficult people in the world. Wouldn't you say? Everything you deal with. Who comes to mind when you think of an MDP? A most difficult person? Who's the most difficult person that you can think of? Right now, write it down on a little paper. Hopefully it's not the person sitting beside you.

Not your relative. Not your older sister. Right?

Yeah, because it's a reality.

You know what this is?

He said a beer. He said root beer. Surely it's IBC root beer. Has anybody ever... IBC? It's a very good root beer. I can't drink it anymore because it's got sugar, cane sugar, but it loved it. Do you drink it ever since I was a kid?

This was a pain for me. I was 20 years old, working at the same company. I later became a salesman, but I was delivering products to a house in the morning. 830 in the morning. Remember the street. My father was a superintendent at the job, so he sent us out, and me and another guy went out and delivered these products to this woman's house. We stopped on the way, as typically was. We got loaded up, and as we were driving, we stopped at this store and got a donut. And I got my usual IBC root beer. I can't think about drinking root beer in the morning, but at 20 years old, I drank and ate anything and everything. And so, drinking and go out to the job. And I get out of the truck, and I walk around untying things, and I have to set my drink down. And then we unload everything, and then I come back. I see the lady and say, you know, here's your products. They're sitting right there. This is what you want. And she goes, well, thank you. Kind of curt, kind of short. Then I go back, pick up my root beer, get in, and start driving. I get back to the office, and my father is there to meet me. He had gotten a call from this woman and the owner had, saying, why are you sending people drinking beer out to my house? And my father's like, he knew I liked to drink beer at that time, but he couldn't believe I would be drinking beer in the morning.

And the woman had called in and said, I want that person fired. How dare they bring beer on my property and drink it at eight o'clock in the morning?

So my father said, did you do that? The owner is standing there with him, and I said, no. And the other guy's there, and he goes, well, she's very upset. He said, I'm going to have to go out and talk to her because she's a good customer. I said, can I go with you? He goes, no. I can show her a drink.

He said, no. So he went out to the job site, and took my empty bottle of IBC Root beer and showed her. She saw it and thought it was a beer. My dad showed her this and said, that's right. She goes, no, that's not it. I know it's a real beer. I know. I could smell it on him.

I want him fired. He said, one of my very first dealings with difficult people.

We all have them. They come in all shapes and sizes. Do they not?

My most difficult people that I have probably the most problem with is people that are negative. They're just negative all the time. Negativity. They love it. Some anthropologists have said that people of that type sometimes are called mismatch personalities, where no matter what comes up, they are going to say the opposite. You say, boy, that's really good. They go, I don't like it. You say, I don't like it. They go, oh, that's really good. I really like it. Now, you may think that's funny, but it's a true fact that I have found over the years. Why they are that way? They don't understand why they're that way, other than they just grew up that way. And it was reinforced over the years. And so they are very difficult because they always choose the opposite. And they love to disagree. Haven't you had people that way? I know the teachers in here have had students that way. They just love to do that, love to disagree. Well, I don't agree with that. Well, what was I talking about? I don't know. But I don't agree with it.

That's very hard for me. And there are some occupations that are the forefront of dealing with difficult people. Policemen, bouncers at bars, human resources, customer service. I've been had to return a few things to Home Depot over the years. And people will come in and just be living. Instead of, I need to return this because Home Depot, like Walmart in various places, they just, they're really good about doing it. But you see the attitude.

Today, it's teachers. Teachers are at the forefront of having to deal with difficult children that came from difficult homes with difficult parents. And so now, teachers are having to deal with that and be confronted with it daily and trying to work that out. Ministers, as I think about some phone calls I get, they don't call and have a question. They call to make a comment. And that's fine. I'll listen to it. But they're just, some people just call to just be negative. I read about your church. I don't like it.

Okay. You don't have to come. You know? I wouldn't come. But they want to just keep me on the line. A long time just to berate me. Some of them sometimes just berate God. Just, they're miserable people. And so we have those bankers. Was in the bank the other day. They're going to deposit and the poor banker, she was nice as she could be. And the guy comes in and he goes, you messed up, you messed up my bank. And I got overdrawn and it's you guys' fault. And I had money in there and it should have cleared. And he was just irate. And she just was calm. She looked at him and went through things. And very quickly showed him and he goes, all right. And he just turned and walked away. That's tough. Maybe some of you have jobs where you have to do that. I know our flight attendant here. Talk to her. Not easy. And I fly quite often and I see very difficult people that want to make someone's life miserable. We have nurses who have difficult people.

This time of the year, as we do some self-evaluations, some self-examinations, taking stock and checking on our level of conversion, level of using God's Holy Spirit, it's time for us to think about it. Are we difficult? And if not, are we able to handle difficult people? I talked to a, her name is Teresa. She's 38 years, retired flight attendant for American Airlines. So I asked her over the years, what did you have? And she said, you cannot be a good listener. You must be a great listener. And they know that you are talking to them. Because some people, it's not a glamorous job anymore. Being a flight attendant, as she said. Some people are in bad attitudes. They used to dress up, now they dress anyway. They want to dress and they have all kinds of attitudes. And she said, I just carry myself with dignity and show respect to everyone and smile and do like I've seen most of the flight attendants do. And she said, you will still have somebody go off on you. And she said, after I have treated someone with the utmost respect, and I have tried to deal with them, and then they just are belittle and talking to me like I'm a dog. She said, I will always ask, why are you speaking to me in that tone? I have done nothing but to help you. And she said, that really works, most of the time. But the person, the four or five people she had to use her with are most difficult. She had, they both said, oh, I'm sorry. They just, they were in a state. Well, is having to deal with difficult people, a biblical subject, worthy of a sermon?

My question to you is, did Christ have to deal with difficult people on a regular basis? You need to know Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, right?

Does your religious belief set you apart from most people? Being different set you apart. Having certain convictions from the rest of the world, it definitely sets you apart, does it not? The Sabbath sets you apart. It's called sanctified, which means what? Set apart. And this is what we do. How in controversy is 99% in here? It's with us.

As one said that the very first man in the Stone Age, not to pick up a stone to settle an argument, became the first real leader. And that's something for us to think about. It's about the difficult people show us how we don't want to be, usually, don't they? Or how we're so glad because I've seen things that drive back to the house and come in and give Mary a hug and think, Man, I am so glad I'm married to this one and not the one I saw at the back.

All of a sudden, you're so much better than I ever dreamed before I left the house.

So how did Christ do it? What examples did He leave us? And is this the way we need to be looking at things? I'd like you to go with me to look for. I'm going to just take some points. Now, I will say I would like for you to read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John as you're going through the spring days here, the spring holy days. It helps you center on what we need to be and what God wants us to be and how we need to act and how we need to react in these things. I need to turn to Luke 4. Luke 4, I'll read from the New King James Version. And in verse 16, he said, So he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the Sabbath day and stood up to read. And he was handed the book of the prophet Isaiah. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor and the crying. He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, that was her that just left, to preach deliverance to the captives who recover the sight of the blind, to set the liberty of those who are oppressed, and to preach the acceptable year of the Lord. Then he closed the book, gave it back to the attendant, and sat down. Interesting aspect there, isn't it? He just read, he handed it back, he went and sat down. All eyes of all who were in, and the eyes of all who were in the synagogue, were fixed on him. And he began to say to them, so they turn around. I mean, picture this. He sits down, like here, and they begin to all look at him, and he turns around. And he began to say to them, today the Scripture is fulfilled in your hearing. So all bore witness to him, and marvel at the gracious words which proceeded out of his mouth. And they said, is this not Joseph's son? And he said to them, you will surely say this proverb to me, physician heal yourself. Whatever we have heard done in Capernaum, do also here in your country. When you begin to put the words together, you're seeing that the home folks are not that thrilled. Because obviously, they had heard this great healer, this great individual was coming, wait a minute, you did all this in Capernaum? Why aren't you doing this? Then he said, assuredly I say unto you, no prophet is accepted in his own country. But I tell you, truly many widows were in Israel in the days of Elijah when the heaven was shut up for three and a half years. And there was great famine throughout all the land. But to none of them was Elijah's son except to Zarephath in the region of Sidon to a woman who was a widow. And many leopards were in Israel in the time of Elisha the prophet. And none of them was cleansed except for Naaman the Syrian. Then all those in the synagogue, when they heard these things, were filled with wrath and rose up and thrust him out of the city. And they led him to the brow of the hill on which a city was built that they might throw him down over the cliff. Then passing through the midst of them, he went his way.

So what are we looking at? What example is he setting for us? You know? We must know when to disengage, when to simply walk away, without having the last word. Now if anybody deserved the last word, it would be what? God in the flesh.

But he didn't. He just left. Which is kind of good for us. Because too many times, he did nothing wrong.

But yet they were looking down on him. Complaining about him. Just here in the synagogue. And so he tells him about healing. Tells him about these things that were done in non-Israelite nations. So what do we get from this? Have you ever met, or maybe you have been that person that you have to have the last word?

So that you can't let it go? Well, you too! Maybe you see that driving. Somebody gives you the famous Florida signal. And you go, you too! And they can't even hear you! Right?

Think about Christ, though.

Here, Christ had, unlike anyone else, He had all the answers to all the questions ever. I mean, there wasn't anything He couldn't answer. There wasn't anything He couldn't do. So anything they brought to Him, He would have had the last word on everything. But He didn't, did He? What an example to us that He just walked away. And so with some difficult people, what's the same? We just need to walk away. You're not going to change people about certain things, are you? I mean, you can work really hard, but you're not going to be able to change them. Especially, and this example is, how about some hometown folks? How about some people that really know you, that sometimes want to? Mm-hmm. Dig a little bit. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, you're one of those Christian people.

Oh, isn't that guy? Oh, I saw somebody on the news. He said he was a Christian, like you. Well, you want to go, I don't know, that's just... You're not going to convince him. You're not going to change. All it does is it changes your state. If Christ can have time and find a way to walk away, I think that's a pretty good example to us, to be able to size it up. Because what? He's very wise. Let's go over to, let's go over to Luke 6. Turn over a couple chapters. Luke 6. Luke 6.

Let's read verse 6. Starting in verse 6. Luke 6. Said, Now it happened on another Sabbath, also that he entered the synagogue and taught. And there was a man there whose right hand was withered. And the scribes in the Pharisees watched him closer, whether he would heal on the Sabbath, that they might find an accusation against him. But he knew their thoughts and said to the man who had the withered hand, Arise, stand here. And he arose and stood. Then Jesus said to them, I will ask you one thing. Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or destroy it? And looking around at them all, he said to the man, Stretch out your hand. He did so, and with his hand was restored as whole as the other. But they were filled with rage and distress of one another, what they might do to Jesus.

Notice what he did. He asked them a question. Knew what they were thinking. Have you ever answered a question with a question? You find it not only gives you time, but it also kind of disarms someone else. And you'll find that very often. I have people go, Well, what do you think of this? Most of you can usually know my answer. I always say, what does the Bible say? What does the Bible say? Tell me, and then we can work with something with the Bible. But I want you to go to Luke 12. Luke 12. Because this is the question chapter. Okay? You probably won't go through it all because I need to vomit, but this is where there are quite a few questions. Ask. That's why I call Luke 12 the question chapter. Just go down to verse 13. Said, Then one from the crowd said to him, Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me. But he said to him, Man, who made me a judge and an arbitrator over you?

Well, now, that question. And then he said, Take heed and beware of covetousness, that one's life does not consist of the abundance of the things he possesses. And then in verse 17, And he thought within himself, saying, What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops? As another man had those things. You'll find as you go through these verses, whether it's 23 through 27 or 28 through 34, you'll find that Christ answers so many of the questions with the question. Answers even statements with the question. This is an incredible teacher, the greatest teacher ever. Never walked on earth. Sorry, Neil. Sorry, William. You're teachers, don't take it personal. Don't take it personal. Okay. But in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, the Gospels, there is a total of 187 questions asked of Christ. Isn't that interesting? 187 questions were asked of him. In the same four books, you know how many questions Christ asks? In those four chapters? 307. 307, and some have even said 330, which is almost double the amount of questions. One of the things that, and not all of those, maybe 10% of those questions of the 300 or more, were rhetorical questions, which means he didn't want an answer, just making a statement. But the rest were actually questions that he brought to people. Now, why did he do that? One of the great things about Christ is that he was open. He was very open, and he made people feel like they could talk to him. Isn't it amazing? Mary and I were discussing a little bit this morning about that, if you've had professors in college or maybe even high school or whatever. The professors love to stand there and pontificate and show how intelligent they are. They talk down, and if they have a question, it's barely a question at all, knowing that you can't answer it or you won't give them the answer that they want. And so you're wrong automatically. Haven't we all seen that? All experienced that? Christ was not like that. Christ was such an incredible teacher that he asked these questions. Who? He turned to his disciples. Who do they say that I am?

Right? Wasn't rhetorical. He knew who he was. Who did he say? And what? He wanted his disciples. Because he engaged people. He engaged them. And he wasn't afraid of, well, they're going to say something I don't like. Didn't worry about that. Right? Do we sometimes worry about that? Because it promotes openness, being able to talk. But you can do that when you are what? Secure in who you are? Humble? Not thinking you have to have the last word? Are all the answers right? I mean, it is. And I hopefully have said that many times. I don't have all the answers in the Bible. I'll try to find it, but I don't. Because I'm still looking for the answers, some of my questions in there. But that's why I study. But isn't it interesting how Christ does that? Of how He teaches us? Teaches us to do that.

Gives that example. Do we have any four-year-olds here? Anybody four? Any of the children four? Around four? I don't know. Neil, don't point to your wife. You have a four-year-old? I have. Oh. You know, science has found, or our studyers have found, that the average four-year-old ask questions all day long. You know how many of the average four-year-old asks in a day? Anybody care to guess?

Would you? Twenty? Thirty? You said what? Three hundred? I didn't know that girl could talk that. I thought she just cried. No. The average four-year-old child in a day asks 439 questions. Yes, you were close.

Think about that. Do we go? I remember my mother used to go, do you have to talk all the time? Why? Why? Why? Annie's shaking her head. You've been down that road, too. Do we get upset when somebody asks us maybe too many questions? Christ didn't. Christ brought it forward. Because why? When you engage people, you start a conversation. And you're not. Well, I don't. I don't care to discuss religion. But Christ gave us that incredible example that you can read in the 12th chapter of Luke. Now, I need to finish this up. But I'd like you to also look at Mark 10. Mark 10 is interesting. Because it is the one that I migrated earlier about the rich young ruler. It's also about the blessing of the children. Blessings of the little children. They were sitting on his lap, and the disciples came up and said, Well, get them off of me! Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You're too busy for that. Right? You're too busy for that. And the rich young ruler, oh, what must I do to inherit the kingdom of God? What did Christ do?

He gave them answers they really didn't want. Right? He's showing us that you will not please everyone with your answer.

But really, you don't have to have all the answers.

You don't have to be like, oh, well, if I say that, somebody's going to be really offended. Do you think Christ ever offended anyone?

Now, it's not what we set out to do.

But you don't have to please everyone. Christ didn't. But you should be able to help disarm people. That's how you say it. Christ was never on the attack, was he? Look at him. Never on the attack. Somebody started it, and he was one of the great counterpunchers. In history, he would hit back. Other than Matthew 23, which took place just days before he was going to be killed, you don't find Christ that aggressive. Just sit really one time, except when people wanted to embarrass him or put him on the spot. It's so good to know God's Word when it comes to that. Isn't it? So good to know.

Turn with me to Matthew 15. Matthew 15.

Matthew 15, verse 21. Then Jesus went out from there and departed to the region of Tyre and Sidon, behold, a woman of Canaan, came from that region and cried out to him, saying, Oh, Lord, son of David, my daughter is severely demon-possessed. But he answered her not a word, and his disciples came and urged him, saying, Send her away! For she cries after us.

And he answered and said, I was not sent, except to the lost house of the sheep of Israel. Then she came and worshiped him and said, Lord, help me. But he answered and said, It is not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the little dogs. And she said, True Lord, yet even the little dogs eat the crumbs from the fall from the master's table. Then Jesus answered and said to her, Oh, woman, great is your faith. Let it be to you as you desire.

And her daughter was healed at the very hour. What is the lesson? Flexible. So Christ changed what he was going to do, because it was going to be easier to walk on and move on, but he didn't. Are we as flexible as Christ? Like my wife always says, blessed are the flexible, for they should not be bent out of shape.

Right? Are we that way? You know, Christ wasn't just about information, he was about transformation, helping transform people's lives. What about us? Does that describe us? And do we have a mindset like Christ when difficult people come along? Because he dealt with them every day. I am blessed.

I don't deal with them every day. Okay? I deal with them enough, but I don't deal with them ever. He dealt with them almost every day, according to Scripture. Do we have a Christ-like mindset? And you know what that mindset was? And how he could handle it? And how we can handle it? It is because he loved people. He loved people. Do we? Do we love people? Or are we like, man, I got to put up with that.

Can we agree to disagree? Or do we have to have that last word? I hope we can agree to disagree. There are people out here that you're going to be confronted with, and there are certain things that no matter I may want, I may listen, but there are certain things I can't agree on. I just can't agree on. You're not going to, you're not going to change my mind on abortion being legal. Okay. Because it's not in here. Okay? I am also not going to change people's minds that it's all wrong. Maybe someone. Maybe if they're in an inquisitive mind, they have an inquisitive mind, maybe it's something like, but I'm just not going to go there.

Why? Because we're going to have to agree to disagree. But some people and too many Christians can't do that. They want to hammer you and hammer you and hammer you. And it doesn't solve the problem. There are certain things. Nobody's going to convince me that I need to go to church tomorrow. So we're going to have to agree to disagree with one is a Lord's Day. But we have to be able to do that. Christ needs to be our mentor.

Christ needs to be our mentor because a mentor is a model. Christ always saw the big picture. Do we? Do we try to see the big picture? Because the bottom line is, and it's in your Bible, and we should live with this, that Christ died for difficult people. Brethren, Christ died for difficult people, not just me, not just you.

And he may have brought them into our lives to see how much like Christ we really are. And without studying the Gospels, we cannot know how to handle difficult people because there's no one better to model, no better mentor for us than Jesus Christ.

To live like Christ, we must study Christ. We are being trained to deal with difficult people, brethren. And the amazing part is we're being trained by Jesus Christ when we read and live like Him.