How to Cope with Difficult People You Must Deal With!

Okay, switching gears here. Let's get into the sermon. In June of last year, I gave a sermon entitled, How Do Christians Have Healthy Disagreements with Other Christians? That was June of 2013. How do Christians have healthy disagreements with other Christians? And, of course, that sermon dealt with in-house situations, people here within the congregation, and not just here, but in Ann Arbor or any place where we have our churches. You know, brethren, our family, our spiritual family, is just that. It's a family. We love one another, we're there for one another, we serve one another, we, when people are hurting, we hurt with one another, when they're being blessed, we're happy with one another. But like any family, there are times we get onry with one another, and there are times we get edgy with one another. So there are times when Christians really have to know how they have healthy disagreements with other Christians. Now, research would show that supportive relationships are good for our mental and physical health. That same research would also show that difficult people in your life, where there's ongoing negative relationships, that's actually detrimental to your health. And so many times it's a very good idea to either diminish or eliminate the relationships you may have in your life where conflict is happening. Where that is possible. Now, where this sermon is going to be a companion to what I gave last year, I'm going to ask the question, what do you do if you've got somebody in your life, a family member, a co-worker, someone whose presence you can't easily diminish, someone you can't eliminate from your life, what do you do with those kinds of difficult people? People you must deal with. How do you handle that?

You know, some people go to extraordinary lengths to be difficult. Perhaps, you know, maybe you can be thinking of your next-door neighbor. I know in our neighborhood we've got people who are very conscious of their home. They're always out mowing the lawn. They're making sure the weeds are weeded. Their rose bushes are beautiful. Everything about their property is neat as a pin. And right next door, you've got the people who just exist. They have a field, not of dreams. They've got a field of dandelions. And in some ways it's pretty. From yellow, yellow, to one side to the other side. Yellow, not even yellow. And they don't care a bit. They don't care a bit about their next-door neighbor. Those same people are probably the people when it comes time for Recycle Week. And I don't know what it's like in your neighborhood when it's Recycle Week, but in my neighborhood where Mary and I live, when it's time for recycling, it's always the windiest day of the week. And people drag out those bins. You know, Mary and I make sure we bought the covers for those bins. But other people, especially, you know, people today are drinking a lot of these bottled water. And those things when they're empty are so light. And the wind comes and takes that. And for whatever the reason, they deposit those on my lawn. You know? And, you know, so you can have next-door neighbors who just are unreasonable. We've had next-door neighbors where they've got their pooch. Time to go walk the dog. And of course, for whatever the reason, our lawn is that dog's personal toilet. You know? And they never pick up. They just leave it up to Delisander to go pick up. You know? Or, now this hasn't happened to me in a while, but years ago, I did have a neighbor that had some young people, some kids. And I guess the kids thought they were the second coming of the Beatles. And they, of course, had to practice very early on Sunday morning. I'm wanting to sleep in, so only I had to sleep in. And there they're practicing. So, neighbors can be exasperating. Sometimes their boss can be exasperating. You know, my wife is working currently for a company where the management really doesn't care what's happening. They don't care the morale is low. They don't care that there's a bunch of backstabbers. If you go to the boss, they only want to hear good things. Don't tell me about the negative. They only want to hear the good things. And some people can be very exasperated. Maybe the boss himself or herself can be very exasperated if you've got a boss who continually moves the goalposts. You know, you're trying to make a good living. You're trying to do all you can do. You want to, you know, when your review comes up, you want a nice pay increase. But they keep on moving the goalposts on you. For some people, deliberate provocation is an art form. It's an art form. And the underlying message is often, unless you agree with me, unless you go along, you're going to regret it. So, what I want to have today, a discussion with you, a companion to what I discussed last year, we're going to talk about people outside of the church.

If you're writing some notes down, this is what a question I like to write across the top of your paper. How do you cope with difficult people you must deal with in your life? How do you cope with difficult people you must deal with? You know, you've got, maybe you've got a relative. You can't just get rid of your relative. You can't just beam them out in space someplace. You've got a boss or people at work. You can't just quit your job, not in this economy.

You've got to go into work, and you've got to maybe take it on the chin. Maybe your stomach is tied in knots. You may have a next-door neighbor, like the one I talked about, who has no respect for you whatsoever. How do you cope with difficult people you must deal with in your daily life? I did a lot of research on this, as I made mention over in Ann Arbor. A number of you have commented you wanted to hear a sermon like this because I send out those midweek studies. Those go all over the country, over Canada, other foreign countries, and I've had people email me.

I've had people call me from other states who are in a situation like this. Just when I was referring to the message for the last day of Unleavened Bread, I got a phone call from a woman in another state fairly far away from here, and she was talking about the abuse she has to handle on a daily basis there where she works. One of her best friends is going into the lady's restroom, not to use the restroom, but to go into the stall and to pray because life is just that exasperating for her when she goes to work.

So I thought it would be helpful as we start the sermon today to kind of define things a little bit. The kinds of people that I've seen in church areas, I've seen in my next door neighbors, people I've not always been in the ministry, people I've worked with or my wife has worked with, people you've told me about. Let's kind of define people who may be in your life. And in terms of this sermon, I've got what I call a Rhodes Gallery.

You know, back in the old days, people would refer to the mob as Murder Inc. Murder Incorporated. Well, I've got here Difficult People Inc. Difficult People Incorporated. Let me go through some examples here. And after I gave this in Ann Arbor, there were a number of people who came up and talked about various ones of these that they had working in their life.

First one I've got here is the all-knowing prophet. The all-knowing prophet. Somebody who's got a religious bent, a religious background in their life. They're arrogant. The reason they're arrogant is because they know that God is speaking directly to them, from God's mouth to their ear. They usually have an opinion on every issue, and they proclaim those thoughts, their ideas, with thundering authority like a prophet of old. And many times they will get right in your face and maybe even give you a Jeremiah. Another type of difficult person is what I call the broad-minded hermit. The broad-minded hermit. These are people who never offer ideas or let you know where they stand, but they will come out of their cave long enough to let you know that whatever you're doing is absolutely totally wrong.

And after they've come out of their cave and told you and read you their riot act, then they, you know, they regress back to their cave and aren't seen again. They just want to make sure you know how wrong you are. You've got the thin-skinned dictator.

Over the course of my life, I've known a number of these people. The thin-skinned dictator. They bully, they intimidate, they're constantly demanding, they're brutally critical of you. But if you dare say something about them, they are the most wounded, the most offended people. How dare you say that about me? The thin-skinned dictator. You've got the constant drip griper.

Ever known a constant drip griper? Is anything ever right with these people? You engage them on any kind of a conversation, no matter what the topic of discussion, they're going to find some aspect to have a gripe about.

Obviously very Israel-ish in nature. You've got the negative neds and the negative Nellies. Are you a negative Ned or a negative Nelly? I've known a number of people. People, really, in some ways, are so nice. But I would, and I have to admit, when I see them coming, I want to go the other way. Because when they come, no matter what subject you bring up, everything is negative. Everything. I mean, they've taken negativity to, like I said, an arch form. It gets to be a bit much after a while.

Three more of these, and there's plenty of others I could have given. But you've got the non-delivery delivery person.

These are people who agree to any commitment. Of course, as a pastor, there are many times I've got to get commitments from various ones to do various things in church. But these people, the non-delivery delivery person, they'll agree to any commitment and yet rarely deliver. They come across looking like a million dollar check. But the problem is, there's nothing in the bank.

This next one I've seen too many times. The eagle-eyed sniper. The eagle-eyed sniper. These people work at long range.

These specialists, through subtlety, make rude comments, biting sarcastic comments, or a well-timed roll of the eyes. Endeavoring to make you look foolish and to assassinate you while at the same time they're sure to make sure, like any sniper would, they stay in the background. They've got their ghillie suit on. They can't be seen. They're camouflaged.

They're going to take their best shot at you.

Last one I want to discuss is the mad bomber. The mad bomber explodes into unfocused ranting and raving about things that have nothing to do with the present set of circumstances. I've known plenty of mad bombers in my day.

So that's an example. That's a rogue's gallery of difficult people. And I'm sure that you've probably seen some people like this in your life, or maybe have some people like this right now in your life.

Before I give you some ideas, some thoughts as to how we can deal with these people, let's take one step before that and ask, why even try? Why even try to deal with people like this?

I've got three areas here. Number one, if we don't, we're only hurting ourselves. If we don't, we're only hurting ourselves. There's a saying in mind, I heard this a long time ago. I've written it down, committed it to memory because it's so very true. Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other guy to die.

Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. We've got all this venom inside of us, because we're angry with the people that have done whatever it is they've done to us. We wish they would just go away, but we're so filled with a venom, we're hurting ourselves.

Another reason why we want to take a stab at working with these difficult people is because we don't want to waste precious resources. We don't want to waste precious resources. You know, I did a lot of study on this before I gave the sermon. As a matter of fact, I sent out the announcements fairly late last night. I tried to get the announcements out to you by about 6 o'clock in the evening. I don't think I got the announcements out that close to 8 o'clock. And the reason was I was really struggling with the sermon. I think I had 20 points. I thought, I can't give 20 points. Well, let's give it as a series. I thought, well, next Sabbath, I'm going to be in Cincinnati. The week after that, I'm going to come back here and talk about Cincinnati. And then three weeks after that, you don't care by that time. It's three weeks down the road. I will have forgotten what I said by that time. But as I was doing the research on this and looking at a number of sources, one person said something that I thought was very good and I've incorporated into my notes. A person said, where attention goes, energy flows.

Where attention goes, energy flows.

Think about that for a moment. If you've got positive energy, so many times your actions will flow into a constructive, positive outlet. You do things, you accomplish much. On the other side of that same coin, if you've got negative energy, and then you start flowing into a negative mindset, and negativity breeds negativity. Nothing looks good after a while. And when you get yourself into that hole, that dark place, then you're wasting resources. You're wasting your time. And I don't think anybody in this room has time to waste. Time is valuable. When I was in sales, my sales manager used to come. Every time we had a meeting, of course, he lived in a different state than I did. I just covered my four states.

He would come every once in a while, have a meeting and say, you know, Randy, what are you doing here? What are you doing there? And he was kind of checking up on me and asking questions about various accounts and so forth. But one thing that has stayed with me is early on, when he was trying to train me as to how to work a four-state territory, he said, you know, you've only got so many hours to be in front of decision-making people. You know, a salesman doesn't have eight hours a day. You're driving from point A to point B. You're driving them from point B to point C. So you've got downtime when you're driving. You've got lunchtime. You've got times when the purchasing agent or the people, the key decision people you want to talk to, they're not available. He says, you may have five hours if you're lucky, four or five hours in any given day where you can be in front of somebody who makes a decision. He says, that is valuable time. Brethren, the same thing is true for us spiritually. Our time is our resource. We want to use that very, very judiciously. One last reason, and there are many more that I have to pat this way down, but one other reason why we want to take a stab at working at people who were so difficult in our life. And one person called this, actually I coined a phrase here, the leaven of negativity.

The leaven of negativity. We've just gone through the days of unleavened bread. And we've learned a lot about leaven. It starts little and it grows, doesn't it? And if we allow a little negativity in one area of our life, you know, we may be a really positive person, but if we allow some negativity in one area of our life, it can grow into and bleed over into other areas of our life.

And the leaven can grow. It bleeds into other areas, and then we become a victim in more areas than we like to think about.

So the question was, how do you and I cope with difficult people we must deal with in life? Let me give you some thoughts. And what I'm going to give you is not an A, B, C, 1, 2, 3. I'm going to give you a number of things you can do. Some of these things will apply to your situation. Some won't. But don't think that you've got to go from the first point to my last point as some sort of a stair step, because that's not the way this is put together. These steps are not in sequential order. They're basically in the order in which I was studying them. Point number one. When dealing with difficult people, point number one, keep conversations neutral and avoid heated discussions. Wherever possible, keep conversations neutral and avoid heated discussions.

Subjects like religion, unless you know you don't want to cast your pearls before swine, subjects like religion or politics, our nation probably is more divided today than perhaps in any time in its history. You've got people on the far right, you've got people on the far left, you've got people on the right, people on the left, people in the center, but there is a great divide in our country when it comes to politics, and people take that passionately. You've got to know who you're talking to about those kinds of issues. But certainly, if somebody... If there's already somebody troublesome in your life, you don't want to get into these areas. You want to be neutral. You want to avoid those sorts of discussions. If you start finding yourself being baited into discussions like this, with people that you know are angry people, that's going to get you to... Your impulse is going to want to defend yourself, to bend your position. You'll get defensive. All sorts of things where you don't want to be.

So the best thing to do is stay away from that. If you would, turn to Proverbs 22. We're going to have a lot of Proverbs that we're reading today.

Proverbs 22 and verse 24.

Proverbs 22-24.

Now, I'm going to be reading this in the amplified version. The amplified version does just what it says. It amplifies the verse. Proverbs 22 and verse 24, where it says, Make no friendships with a man given to anger, and with a wrathful man do not associate. Now, that's God's own word. Make no friendships with a man given to anger. So if you know somebody, and you've got difficult people in your life, you're a relative, a next-door neighbor, people at work, your boss, whoever, you know that they are subject to anger, then you give them a wide berth. Obviously, if it's their boss, you've got to talk to your boss. But again, try to be neutral wherever possible. Don't be baited into some discussion you know is going to go down a bad path.

Proverbs 29 and verse 22.

Proverbs 29 and verse 22.

I'll be reading this in the Bible in basic English translation. The Bible in basic English. Proverbs 29 and 22 says, An angry man is the cause of fighting, and a man given to wrath does much wrong.

So notice the dark places that people who are given to anger that they are going.

An angry man is the cause of fighting. You don't want fighting. You don't want to be confrontational all the time. I don't think anybody in this room likes confrontation. So again, give these people a wide berth. So point number one is keep conversations neutral and avoid heated discussions. Point number two. Accept the reality of who you're dealing with.

Accept the reality of who you're dealing with.

Brethren, in dealing with difficult people, don't try to change them. We're talking about people in the world. People who are not Christians. If God is not trying to change them, why are you? Why are you? Why am I?

In dealing with difficult people, don't try to change the other person. You're only going to get yourself into some kind of a power struggle. You'll cause defensiveness. You'll invite criticism. And otherwise, make things worse.

And also, don't pretend. You know, none of us in this room that I'm aware of. Now, maybe there's some middle names I'm not aware of. But I don't think anybody's name in this room is Pollyanna. Right? Don't pretend the other person's negative traits don't exist. They do exist. They do exist.

We worship at the throne of God. We do not worship at the throne of political correctness. It's okay to say that person's got some real issues. You're not trying to... You're not judging them in a sense of... You're not consigning them to the lake of fire. You're just admitting to the facts at hand. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. So accept the reality of who you're dealing with. In other words, don't tell your secrets to a known gossip. Right?

Don't rely on a person who's unreliable. They're kind of flaky. Don't look for affection from somebody who's got the character, the emotion of stone. It's not going to happen. And again, you're not being critical by just admitting this is the way things are. Let's take a look at Psalm 7, verse 14.

You know, today with political correctness, we want everybody's this, everybody's that, and there's no problems at all in the world. Oh, really?

Psalm chapter 7, verse 14.

Psalm 7, 14. Behold, the wicked brings forth iniquity. He's not being judgmental. He's being truthful here. David being. Yes, he conceives trouble and brings forth falsehood. The Bible calls things what they are. There are people that just plain out have problems. They've got issues. And God, again, if God's not trying to change them, you and I aren't going to change them. So accept the reality of who they are, where they are, and what they're doing. John, the third gospel, not the third gospel, the third epistle of John, those little epistles way in the back of the New Testament. Third John, which is just before the book of Jude and Revelation. Notice, and I want you to think about something as returning to Third John. John was known as the apostle of love.

But he was not politically correct. Take a look at this. John chapter 1, as they call it. There's only one chapter here, starting here in verse 9. Third John, verse 9. It says, I wrote to the church, but the atrophies, who loves to have the preeminence among them, does not receive us. Therefore, if I come, I will call to mind his deeds, which he does, praying against us with malicious words, and not content with that. But he himself does not receive the brethren, and forbids those who wish to, putting them out of the church. So here you've got an apostle of love, who's naming somebody by name. He's saying, this guy is a bad guy. He's doing bad things. And I want you to know about that. And he names them by name. Now, remember something about this, brother. This book was written in the late 90s A.D.

In our church history, we realize that about 20 years after this point, our church goes into an era. It's called the Age of Shadows. Where the Church of God, 7th day Sabbath keeping, Holy Day observing, tithing, and so forth. It goes into this era starting about 120 A.D. And then it gets kind of lost to history. And then it emerges. And on the other side of that, they're keeping Sunday and Christmas and Easter. Something happened. And here we perhaps are seeing the beginning of what was happening, where you've got people throwing true Christians out of the church. Verse 11. Beloved, do not imitate what is evil. I mean, he's pretty hard-hitting. He's not being politically correct. But what is good? He who does good is of God. But he who does evil has not seen God. Now, by way of contrast, verse 12. Demetrius has a good testimony from all and from the truth itself. And we also bear witness, and you know, that our testimony is true. Now, the last two verses are very interesting. I had many things to write, but I do not wish to write to you with pen and ink. Why does he say that? Because he knows who this letter is going to. He doesn't want theatrophies to get a copy of the letter and the mailing list and start going to those brethren and giving them a difficult time. So he says, I don't want to write everything down. Verse 14. But I hope to see you shortly, and we shall speak face to face.

He'd be very careful about what he's doing and what he's writing here because of the situation. So again, accept the reality of who people are. You're not a bad person when you're saying, this person's got some real issues. They do have real issues. Now, with God's help, when God begins to work with them, they can change those things with God's help. But until that time, they've got issues. Brethren, just like you and I have got issues, we've got to, you know, what was the whole thing about examining ourself before Passover for us to see who and what we are, our deep personal need, and then go to God saying, I have desperate need to come to this Passover. I've got desperate need to be forgiven. So point number two, accept the reality of who they are. Point number three, know what's under your control.

Know what's under your control.

What's under your control? You are under your control. The other guy is not under your control. You cannot alter what he or she is thinking, what they are doing, or anything like that. There is nothing you can do about the other person, other than set a good example of being an inspiration, that sort of thing. But for a lot of people, they don't care.

Some people just don't care that they are hurting you. Some people would turn a knife a little more if they know they are hurting you. That's the kind of world we are living in. People know they are hurting your feelings. Well, I'll hurt your feelings some more. I'll say some things that will really hurt your feelings. That's the world we live in.

But know what's under your control. That's the only thing you have got the power to change. Brother, over the years, as we've told a lot of our ladies in the church, we've had some women in the church over the years who felt that they should just accept whatever behavior their husband deals out with them. We don't ever want our ladies to ever have to be in a situation where they are accepting abuse by anybody. I'll never forget the one lady I was working with in another state a number of many years ago who just thought it was okay that her husband would put a two-barrel shotgun on the bridge of her nose and intimidate her like that. She was doing so well. I thought she was going to kind of walk away from that situation because there was a lot of physical and verbal abuse. And we went to her. For months, we talked, and things were going so good, and then she went back to the guy. I just will never understand that.

You know, the Bible, we talk about knowing what's under our control.

People will say, well, we're Christians. We should turn the other cheek. Well, there's a time, like Solomon said, there's a time and place for that. But the Bible also says to love our neighbor as we love ourselves, which means we should have respect for ourselves. There's nothing wrong in the proper context of loving ourselves. And when somebody is depreciating us, when they're degrading us, we don't have to stand for that. That's not turning the other cheek. You're helping that other person sin. You're enabling them to sin by your doing that. If you have the opportunity, again, you can't stop somebody from what they're going to do to you. But if you're in a situation where, you know, you can stand for your rights, you can draw boundary lines, then you do that. You do that. The apostle Paul did. Acts 16. I'm not going to turn there. Remember Acts 16? God called Paul, says, I want you to go over here. He wanted to go one place. God said, no, you're not going to go there. You're going to come over here to northern Greece, and you're going to begin proclaiming the word of God over here in northern Greece.

And so he's following the will of God.

So what happens when he's following the will of God? First thing he's got to do is fight off a demon. That was a woman who was a, you know, she would tell people's fortunes and things like that. She was making a lot of money. So Paul finally had to cast the demon out of that woman, and then she couldn't forge and tell anymore. And the people who were her handlers, they began losing money hand over fist. When they started losing money, they grabbed Paul, they grabbed Silas, and they brought him into court, and they beat Paul and Silas. And they threw him into prison, not just any prison, but down in a solitary confinement.

Now, brethren, think about this. So many times we say that we want to know God's will. God's will doesn't mean you get a free pass.

Paul was following God's will. And then he had to deal with the demon. Then he was beaten and thrown in jail, and he's following God's will. Okay? Now, when it became known to the authorities that Paul was a Roman citizen, and you just didn't do that to Roman citizens, when that became known, the authorities said, you know, let that guy out the back door. And Paul said, oh no, you beat me, a Roman citizen. I was un-condemned. You beat me. You people come here. You come through the front door. When I leave, I'm going out the front door.

So Paul was standing for his rights, brethren, and you should too, in the proper way. In the proper way. Proverbs 16.

You don't want to be an enabler. Know what's under your control. What is under your control? You're under your control. How you view life is under your control. Self-respect is under your control. And that's not a sinful thing.

Proverbs 16, 32.

He was slow to anger as better than the mighty, and he rules his own spirit better than he who takes his city. Yes. You have control over your thinking, the way you're going to respond to somebody who's touching your hot buttons.

Proverbs 25, verse 28.

Proverbs 25, verse 28.

This is a contrast we just read. Proverbs 25, 28. Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.

No protection. Vulnerable. You don't need to be that vulnerable, brother. Know what's under your control.

Point number four. As I may mention in Ann Arbor, I may fall victim to this as much as the next guy, maybe more so than the next person. Point number four. How do you cope with difficult people? You must deal with... Point number four. Create healthier patterns.

Create healthier patterns.

Remember that most relationship difficulties are due to two people. Now, it might be that the person who's giving you grief is 99% of the problem, but chances are that person is not 100% of the problem. Chances are you've got something to do with the problem. After services in Ann Arbor this morning, somebody came to me and said, that's right, Mr. D. I realized that was the case in the marriage I was in. And she went on to talk about the points we're about to cover here. When we're talking about creating healthier patterns, the person or people who are coming at you and they're being difficult to you, awful to you, or what have you, they're doing the same things probably over and over. In so many cases, myself as an example, in so many cases I've always felt, well, I've got the perfect response to this. As they come at me, they assail me, I give them what I think is that what they need to hear and then work. So I say it again, and it doesn't work again. What do they say is the definition of insanity? When you keep on doing the same things and you expect a different outcome, there are times we have to change things up, realize, well, you know, that approach just wasn't working. And perhaps it wasn't a healthy approach that I was using. Use a healthier approach. Make sure we've got our nose in God's Word. What is a healthy approach?

Proverbs 29, verse 11.

Proverbs 29, verse 11. A fool vents all of his feelings, but a wise man holds them back. A fool vents all of his feelings. Well, we don't want to be a fool venting feelings. We want to make sure that we're holding our peace when we need to. As Solomon said, there's a time and there's a place for everything. And make sure what we're saying is a healthy thing to say, a constructive thing, something that's going to be a good thing. Something that needs to be said. Proverbs 26, verse 4.

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him.

Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. So again, we want to be in a different state than the people who are attacking us. We want to be at a different level. We want to be at a different place. We want to be on a high road. We want a healthy road that we're going down. And lastly, under this point, Proverbs 20, verse 3. Proverbs 20, verse 3.

Proverbs 20, verse 3 says, It is honorable for a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel. Now, isn't that self-corrective? Probably all of us in this room. It is honorable for a man to stop striving. You know, there have been too many times in my life, you know, we as men, we view ourselves as Mr. Fix-it. And the problem only gets worse than your minister, because I can fix it with the Bible.

And so, when you're a minister, you think, I'm going to... So there are times in my life where I've been striving with people. But notice what it says, any fool can start a quarrel. Maybe in my striving, I was being more of the fool. Maybe I was starting the quarrel. And that's not healthy. And you can look into your own life and ask yourself, have you been the same way? Or maybe there's been some peace and quiet, and then you pipe up, and you say all the wrong words at the right time. And then you wonder why you're being abused. So, point number four, create healthier patterns. Point number five, and I've got seven here. Which has greatly decreased from about 20 I started with. Point number five, work the problem, not the person. Work the problem, not the person. Too many times, we work the person.

If you're required to respond to an irrational attack, and there are times, brethren, you know, it may be your boss.

And they come at you full force.

The individual I'm talking about in the other state, this woman who uses the restroom as her prayer closet, in many cases, it's her boss who is just not listening to her need. It's her fellow worker she has to work with, with these irrational attacks on her.

And there are times you simply have to respond. You can't get around it. You can't get around it. And so when that takes place, what do you do? What do you do? Well, you ask the person, what exactly is the issue?

Now, they're going to say, you're just one big foul up.

And, you know, and again, you can draw a line and say, now, wait a minute, I may have made mistakes here and there, but I'm not just one big mistake on two legs. I do a lot of things correct. But what exactly is the issue? I was making mention, and I think I've discussed this with you over the years, that when I first came out of college, I was a warehouse manager. And for two and a half years, I worked as a warehouse manager for a furniture company. And it was a kind of a job that was a lot of physical labor. You know, 12 hours a day, trucks would pull into our bay. I would unload a truck with furniture, you know, heavy furniture. I would do that for maybe eight or nine hours a day. Then at night, the delivery guy said, an extra delivery, I'd jump on a truck, we'd go deliver with furniture. And it was just a lot of grunt work. But I remember so very clearly, there was a woman who was my counterpart. She was the office manager. Now, she was a very bright woman. She was degreed. I was degreed. But I was getting paid more than her. She knew it. And I was getting paid more simply because I did manual labor. And that, she thought, was unfair. And you know something? It probably was unfair. But anyhow, that's the way it was. But if I brought any piece of any documentation into that office, and she sensed or smelled that there was something wrong with my paperwork, she would scream, literally scream. We're not talking emphatic talking here.

You know, my wife, Lois, worked in that same company, in that same office. And after three days of hearing those rants, those tirades, she quit. It was awful to go through. But one day, Gail came onto my turf. She came into the warehouse. And, you know, before when she'd do this ranting and raving, many times it was in front of the office manager, Betty, and in front of Bob. And Bob owned the company. And there were times Bob, the owner of the company, would say, Randy, I don't know what's wrong with her. I said, Bob, you own the company? There's something you can do. But he would do nothing, and Betty wouldn't do anything. And for the one day, Gail comes walking into the warehouse, and she needs to talk to me. And she, at this point, was civil. And I said, Gail, what is it? What? Other than my existing, what is it? Why are you so mad at me all the time? And I was really, you know, I was bracing myself where it meant she was really going to lay me low. And she would say, Gail, I'm not going to do anything. And she looked at me, swearing the ashes, you know, I don't have anything against you. What? I've paid you all this stuff for years, and there's you have nothing again, and then she walked away. I couldn't believe it. Now, see, she was working the person. There was a problem. The problem was the pay deal. She wasn't working in the problem. She was working the person. Brother, we've got to be careful that we don't do that same thing. We work the problem. What is the issue? Get to the issue. Matthew 5.

Matthew 5, verses 23 and 24.

Matthew 5, verses 23 and 24. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, if you're coming before God, the house of God, you're wanting to pray, you're wanting to worship God, and then remember that your brother has something against you. Now, notice the point of view here. You remember your brother has something against you. Not that you've got something against your brother. Your brother's got something against you. Leave your gift before the altar. There's a time for serious worship of God that says, this is all red lettering. This is Christ talking. Go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. And so Jesus himself is saying here, while you have got issues with other people, or other people have got issues with you, it's going to affect your worship.

You need to take a stab at what the problem is. So you go to that person. You ask them, what is the issue? Now, they may not want to play ball with you. They may not want to help you. They may not want to... They may just be miserable. People want to make you miserable. But we've got a duty as Christians. Let's take a look at this duty. We find it over here. We find it here in Matthew 5, but also in 2 Corinthians chapter 5. Let's go there. 2 Corinthians chapter 5.

Starting here in verse 17.

2 Corinthians 5, 17.

If therefore anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away. Behold, all things have become new. Brethren, that's us. We are a new creation. Yes, we've got human nature. Yes, we've got things we've got to overcome, but we also have the Spirit of God in us. We are God's kids. God holds us to a higher standard.

Verse 18. Now, all things are of God, who has reconciled us to himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation.

Oh, again, my name's not Pollyanna. I'm not saying that all the difficult people you have in your life that you can go and immediately reconcile with.

Chances are that's not going to happen. But you know what? When you take a look at what the issue is, what the problem is, maybe you can begin working and chipping away. Okay, the issue is... Randy, the issue is this. Or you fill your name in the blank. And they tell you what the issue is, and maybe you can start working toward reconciliation. You know, a half step at a time. You're chipping away. You're biting around the edges. You'd like to take on the whole issue. But again, you can only go as far as that person will give you leave.

So you do what you can do. Verse 19. That is, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation. Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ. And as ambassadors for Christ, we want to set an example. We take the high road. We want... When these people are resurrected, if they never come to God in this age, we want them, when they're resurrected, they remember the Christian stand that we took.

That we worked with the issue. We worked with the problem. We didn't work on the person.

But I would like, before I move to the next point, leave with one last scripture on this point, Romans 12 and verse 18. See, again, we want to make sure that we're always being realistic with the situation. Romans 12, 18.

Paul could not have written this any better. Romans 12 and verse 18.

Where it says, if it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. So he really qualifies that, if it is possible, because sometimes it's not going to be. As much as depends on you, not the other guy, but as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

Okay, let's move on to point number six of our seven points. Point number six is to agree to your part of the problem.

Agree to your part of the problem.

Again, your boss says, boy, you're one big follow-up.

You know, they probably use other language. We won't use their language here. They come and they say, you're one big follow-up. And, you know, you've got to overcome, and I've got to overcome our temptation to neanderthink, you know, to be caveman, pull out our club and club them.

And, you know, your response would be, you know, taking a clue from what we just talked about. Well, in what way specifically have I followed up? And I'll say, well, you didn't do x, y, and z. And, you know, at that point, if you didn't do x, y, and z, you say, you know, you're right. That's right. I didn't do x, y, and z. And I, you know, I'm glad you brought that to my attention. And I'm going to make sure I don't do that again. I did follow up. And I'm going to make sure I don't do that again. But I'd also, at that point, brethren, say something to the effect, but you know, Mr. Boss, Mr. Coworker, I didn't follow up in everything. I do a good job here. I'm proud of the work I do here. And you stand up for yourself. Again, there's nothing wrong with that. We're—go back to Matthew 5.

Matthew 5, verses 25 and 26. Matthew 5, 25, where it says, Agree with your adversary quickly. Now, I'm going to put an asterisk there, because that needs to be further explained. But agree with your adversary quickly while you're on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Surely, I say to you, you'll by no means get out of there till you've paid the last penny. Again, that's all red lettering. Those are all the words of Jesus Christ. Christ is saying, you know, speedily admit to what your part of the problem is. Start working on it. You want to be a good worker, you want to be a good neighbor, you want to be a good relative, and if you've been shown where those things aren't true, you want to make sure that those things are corrected. And you move quickly. But, brethren, there's a caution here. Some people, in order to maintain peace, will agree that they're the whole problem. They'll apologize for everything. Don't do that.

I've had people who've come to me and said, well, I just wanted to, you know, make it easy, and this and that and the other. And I just, you know, I'm the problem. They do better. I'm the problem. And you know what happens from that point? That person you're having difficulty with, in their mind, they say, you know, they admitted they're the whole problem.

And they're going to be hanging. It's going to make life more difficult for you, not easier for you, because they're going to say, well, you said that you did this, this, and this when you didn't do those things. So don't accept all the wrong for things you never did. Accept the wrong for whatever the problem is. Accept your part of it, but only your part of it.

Okay, point number seven. Lastly.

And as I give you this point, you think, well, why didn't you just lead with this point? Again, remember I said these things weren't in any kind of order. You know, you don't have to follow these things from A to Z or from one to seven. I've given you some advice on how you can deal with various people through various, you know, strategies. But number seven here, there's a time for number seven. And number seven is you don't respond.

That's why they, why don't you just leave with that? I'm pretty good at that. I'm pretty good at keeping my mouth shut. Well, that's the problem for some of us. We're frady cats. We've got to have some backbone. Christianity is not a spectator, not a passive thing. It's not some spectator sport. It's a full-contact religion. Don't respond.

And the reason for that, brother, is many times, the person, they just want to bait you. They just want to, you know, get you involved in something. They want you to react. They want to get you in a bad place.

And when you do, when you respond in certain times, you're just giving them what they want. You're walking into their trap. Now, you might think, well, if I don't respond, they say something to me and I just ignore them. Isn't that being rude? Well, again, Solomon said there's a time and there's a place for everything. There can be times when, if you don't respond, yes, you are being rude. Were there times in Jesus Christ's life where He didn't respond? You better believe there were times in Christ's life when He didn't respond, and He wasn't being rude. So, again, we've got to know that we've got to take a look and use the wisdom that God has given us. You know, read the book of Proverbs, backwards and forwards all the time, and use the wisdom God has given us. Matthew 27. Let's see an example where Christ didn't say anything to those who were provoking Him.

Matthew 27. Matthew 27.

Verse 12 through verse 14.

Matthew 27 verse 12.

And while He was being accused by the chief priests and the elders, He answered nothing.

Then Pilate said to Him, Do you not hear how many things they testify against you? But He answered Him not one word, so that the governor marveled greatly.

Now, why didn't Christ respond? Christ didn't respond because He knew there was no need to argue with close-minded individuals. There was no need for Him to cast His pearls before swine.

You don't always have to respond. Again, it takes wisdom to know when to and when not to. But Christ realized this was not a situation where He needed to respond, because He would be bringing Himself down to their level. Jesus the Christ was the Messiah. He was God in the flesh. He didn't want to be there haggling with people. That was not His position to haggle with the rabble, who He was going to die for.

Another reason that Jesus Christ, I believe, didn't say anything is because He knew that this was His time. It was His time to give His life. It was His time to be our Savior. There was no need to respond. There was no need to argue, because He wasn't trying to argue His way out of being our Savior.

So He stood mute.

Frankly, in so doing, He filled the prophecy from Isaiah 53, where Isaiah said He will be led to the slaughter as a sheep. Silence. I forget exactly how that verse goes. But He was fulfilling a prophecy by doing that.

So, brethren, today we've asked the question, how do you cope with difficult people you must deal with in your life? We've taken a look at Difficult People, Inc. Some examples. We've taken a look at three reasons why we have to take a stab at the situation before us. And we looked at seven different coping mechanisms. Let me go through those one last time and we'll be done for the day. You can check your notes out. Number one, key conversations neutral and avoid heated discussions.

Number two, accept the reality of who the other guy is.

Number three, know what's under your control.

Number four, create healthier patterns.

Number five, work the problem, not the person.

Number six, agree to your part of the problem. And number seven, don't respond. So hopefully, brethren, those will be helpful for you because all of us have difficult people we must deal with in our lives.