How Does a Christian Give a Sincere Apology?

Brethren, when we think about the 2016 presidential election, what words come to your mind? A number of words come to my mind. Lots of words come to my mind. You know, over the last number of years, I've noticed a new graphic. Maybe this has been out there all along, I'm just now noticing it. But these are called word clouds. Word clouds. Basically, it's just the way it sounds. It's a cloud-looking thing with words all through it.

Normally, a pollster would ask somebody, you know, what do you think of Mr. Trump? What do you think of Mrs. Clinton? What word comes to your mind? And depending upon how many, how frequent a word is used or the importance will be how big that word is or how bold that word is in the word cloud. If you take a look at both Mr.

Trump and Mrs. Clinton over the course of the last number of months, a word cloud that would combine them both, probably a number of words like bitter, bully, contentious, criminal, divided, hurtful, liar, on presidential, on statesman-like. These are some words that probably would find their way and have found their way into some of these word clouds.

Now, why am I going through all this? Yesterday, we had the successful taking of the oath of office of our 45th president, Mr. Donald Trump. We all, you know, as per Scripture, we want to be praying for his success. We pray for the success of every one of our presidents.

But as I was thinking about the last number of months, the presidential election, and all the hurtful words, all the hurtful deeds that were taking place as a result of the politicking, it forced my mind to begin to think about a certain subject. And that subject is the inability of people to not be able to apologize humbly when there is a need.

And even more specifically, I was thinking about how well do I apologize? How well do you apologize? Have you and I been guilty of non-apology apologies? You know, brethren, when you and I have been hurt by somebody, or whether we have hurt somebody, whether we're hurt or we've hurt somebody else, whether it was intentional or not, a sincere, well-thought-out apology could be a very healing mechanism.

Not only does it help to dissolve unpleasant emotions, it helps bridge gaps, it helps people to realize that you truly are sorry, and the person who has been hurt views you in a different frame of reference. Back in the 1970s, there was a hit movie called Love Story. I know we're going to ancient history here. A lot of you in this room weren't even born back in those days. But in 1970, there was a movie called Love Story.

In that story, Ally McGraw, Ryan McNeil starred. I don't know if anyone's going to watch this now, but as she was dying as a young lady, Ally McGraw said to Ryan O'Neill, just before she died, love means never having to say you're sorry. That brought a lot of tears and audiences all around the country as they watched that movie. The only problem is that's not true. Love means you're always willing to say you're sorry. So, brethren, as I was thinking about this topic, I want to pose a question for all of us.

And this is for all of us. Nobody gets a free pass on this one. I think everybody in this room has done their share of apologizing. Whether you and I have done it properly or not may be another matter.

But I want to offer a question and hopefully answer that question today. If you're taking notes, you want to write something across the top of your page, write this question. How does a Christian give a sincere apology? How does a Christian give a sincere apology? Before I begin answering that, I want to ask another question. The question is, why on earth is Mr. D giving that subject today? Of all the things I could be talking about, why this?

You know, brethren, I go back a number of years in the ministry, not as much as some of our fellows, but on Saturday, September 22, 1979, I was ordained in the Detroit, Michigan area. I was all of 27 years old when I was ordained as an elder. Mr. Leroy Neff came into the Detroit area for the purpose of ordaining me and the two local pastors, Earl Williams and Bruce Vance, as well as Assistant Pastor Macy O'Hampden, helped conduct that ordination.

37 years ago. In the last 37 years, I've helped serve eight in eight different states in one foreign country to some small degree in Windsor, Canada. Over that time, like the farmers' insurance commercial you see on TV, where they say, we've learned a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two, well, over 37 years working in eight different states with God's people, I've learned that many times people can be offended, that at times no apologies are offered, that that offense could lead to very hard feelings, sometimes bitterness, and sometimes people leave the church.

None of us in this room ever want to be the reason why somebody leaves the church. All of us in this room want to make sure that if we've hurt somebody, that we offer a sincere and a proper apology. So, let's begin the discussion. Why apologize? I gave you one reason just a moment ago, but let's look at this a little bit further. If you would, in your Bibles, let's turn to Philippians 2. Philippians 2, and let's all of us look at this very personally. Philippians 2, verse 3, Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. So, we're looking out for the betterment of the other guy, of the other girl.

Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. So, we are to be people who are outgoing, we are to be people who are loving. And if we've made a mistake, if we've hurt somebody, if we've offended somebody, it is according to this set of scriptures and many, many others. We need to be able to give a proper apology. Let me give you some reasons why we apologize. A proper apology benefits the receiver. A person who's been hurt. A person who's been hurt begins to feel an emotional healing once they hear somebody coming to them and giving a sincere apology.

Now, that's something that we all want, don't we? Don't we want something that we've hurt to begin to have an emotional, a spiritual healing at every level once we've hurt them? Of course, we want that. Another benefit to the receiver is it helps the person who has been hurt to move past anger. They realize the person is sorry and truly sorry for what they've done.

And if there's anger, we help to nip that in the bud. And we want to nip that in the bud. So an apology, an effective apology, helps us to move past our anger and prevents somebody else from being stuck in the past. Five years ago, that guy hurt me. Or that lady hurt me.

And I don't talk to that person in services anymore. And if they're on the right side of the room, I go to the left side of the room. And brethren, let me tell you something. If you don't think that happens, that happens. So that's one of the benefits of a proper apology. It benefits the receiver.

When the person receives an appropriate apology, they also view the person who did the wrong as a help, not a hurt. If somebody was there to be for them, not against them, not a hindrance.

And certainly that's the way you and I want to be viewed as a helper, not a hindrance. And certainly, a last reason I'll give you more, but a last reason I'll give you in terms of a proper apology benefiting the receiver, is it makes it easier for the person to forgive. Now, we need to forgive no matter what. We understand that from the Scriptures. We don't forgive because it helps the other guy. We forgive because it helps us. It drains the poisons inside of us. If those poisons don't get drained, then we're in a world of hurt, spiritually speaking. So we want the other person to be able to find it easier to drain off those negative feelings. So a proper apology benefits the receiver, but also, brethren, a proper apology benefits the giver. The wrongdoer! It benefits the wrongdoer. Let's take a look at Matthew 22. Matthew 22, verse 39. And the second is like it, talking about the two great laws. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Nothing wrong with loving yourself, as long as it's in a proper proportion. And it's not a grandizement or a vain sort of a thing. God says we can love ourselves in a proper way. And certainly, when we make an apology, a proper apology, it helps us. Now, how does it help us? I've talked to any number of people who say that they've had a hard time drawing close to somebody. Well, why is that? Well, because I hurt that person. And whenever I'm in their presence, I realize I've heard them, and it's uncomfortable for me. So I just avoid them. Just avoid them. Well, if we've given a proper apology, we don't have to avoid anybody. We can get rid of the guilt that is in our heart, in our mind. A proper apology also benefits the giver because it helps humble us. We made a mistake. We're not the Medes and the Persians where everything we do is proper and perfect, never needs amending. No, we're clay. We're flesh. We make mistakes. At times when we don't mean to, we hurt other people. We don't want to do that, but we do it. So it's good for us to apologize because it humbles us. And certainly, it acts as a deterrent. Apologizing is not easy. Anybody who says it is, well, I've never found it easy, and I've had to do my share over the years. You know, when you're in a position like I am where you use your mouth for a living, talking all the time, there's going to be plenty of times you say things you probably shouldn't say, or the timing is not the best. And so over the years, I have to do my share of apologizing. I'm sure that perhaps that's not true of me alone, but there may be others in this room that's also true for. Okay, so we've taken a look at how apologies benefit the receiver, the giver. I think sometimes it's good, brethren, to understand by contrast.

Over the course of time, I know I have given what I've come now to see are non-apology apologies. I'm going to give you some examples of those. And as I give you examples of some pseudo-apologies or non-apology apologies, you ask yourself if you, too, have maybe done the same. Let's begin, though, by going to James 4.

James 4, and in verse 17, James 4, 17, Therefore, to him who knows to do good, and does not do it, to him it is sin. We've often talked about this as the sin of omission. Brethren, we don't want to omit, we don't want to give a pseudo-apology, a non-apology apology, and think we've done okay, and think we've helped solve a situation or solve a problem. So let me give you some fairly standard pseudo-apologies, and we'll analyze them. The first one, and I'm just going to give a few of these, the first one, an ineffective apology, is saying, quote, I'm sorry if I offended you. You ever said that? I'm sorry if I offended you. Why is that not a good apology? I'm sorry if we've made it conditional. Apologies are not conditional.

We don't dance around the subject. We don't rationalize, justify, or anything of the nature. When we're apologizing, we say what needs to be said. And when we say, I'm sorry if, then they're saying, well, you know, I probably really didn't hurt you, but I'll say these words. And then this, I'm sorry if I offended you.

Now, in one sense, there's nothing wrong with the word offense. God uses it in the Scriptures. But in today's language, there are plenty of people who would say, well, you know, offense is in the eye of the beholder. This person, I really didn't hurt that person. They're overreacting. They're overreacting. So to me, saying, I'm sorry if I offended you is a non-apology apology. Better to use this phrase. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Notice I didn't say if. I didn't say offend. Not that again, that's a negative.

But if you say, I'm sorry that I hurt you, there's no wiggle room there. We understand that we have ownership of what we have said or done or both. I'm sorry that I hurt you. Another example of an ineffective apology. I'm sorry you feel that way.

You know, it's too bad some of you, we don't have the camera here showing the audience. As I say these, it's interesting the looks on some of your faces, like, yeah, that's me. I'm sorry you feel that way. This apology has a mistaken premise. It implies there was no mistake, and the only thing wrong is the other guy. The other guy, the other gal, they've got their nose out of joint, and it's a blame-shifting mechanism. I'm sorry you feel that way. Now, there's no need for you to feel that way, but I'm sorry you feel that way. There's no ownership there. The person basically is saying, well, you've got some misplaced bad feelings. It's all on you.

A more effective way of coming across to say what that's supposed to say is, I'm sorry I've hurt you in this regard. And then you very clearly go through X, Y, Z. Very specific. The more specific, the better. I'm sorry I've hurt you in this regard. One last example.

Ineffective apology. I'm sorry you misunderstood. I'm sorry you misunderstood. Again, another way of shifting blame. We're using that phrase, and we may be very sincere with that, but using that phrase, basically, you're not apologizing or I'm not apologizing for anything. We're saying it's their fault for not understanding. We're not necessarily calling them stupid, but they just didn't understand.

I'm sorry you misunderstood. Not the best. Better would be this. I'm sorry I didn't communicate to you properly. Ownership. You're using the first person. I.

And then you, again, be very specific. Take full responsibility. I wrote an article once for the Good News a number of years ago. I just got so sick and tired of listening to politicians on both sides of the aisle after they were caught with their hand in a cookie jar saying, I take full responsibility. Well, the only time they took full responsibility is when they got caught. Or when they are on national news. I take full responsibility. Oh, really? Did you take full responsibility before you got caught? No. Rather than the bottom line is, when you and I are giving a sincere, proper apology, we're not apologizing for the other person's feelings or the way we're making them feel. We're apologizing for what we've done or what we've said. And we want to do that very specifically. We're apologizing for our behavior, for our words, for our actions. And the receiver of the apology has to know, if you really want them to have a healing, they've got to know that we are sincere. They've got to know that we are truly taking full responsibility. And the way we use words is very important. Very important. Let me give you some clues as to, if you're putting together an apology, some clues as to what goes into a false apology. A false apology, and these are all harmful, a false apology invalidates the listener's experience. Oh, you just didn't understand. You didn't get it. You're too easily offended. A false apology makes excuses for bad action, bad verbiage. A false apology shifts the focus and responsibility off the apologizer and places them onto the listener. A false apology implies the listener is being unreasonable or oversensitive. Many times a false apology will include the word, but. I apologize, but. And lastly, a false apology often sends the message that the apologizer isn't really willing to consider the way their actions have hurt the other person. Real apologies. Apologies that are proper, that give health, acknowledge the listener's experience. You acknowledge what they're going through. You acknowledge what they're feeling. You're acknowledging their pain, and you're acknowledging the fact you're the cause of it, or I'm the cause of it. A true apology, a real apology, takes responsibility without any excuses. A proper apology doesn't use the word, but. A proper apology lets the listener know they've been heard, considered, and that the apologizer will try not to repeat the mistake. So at this point, brethren, we have gone through and looked at the benefits of giving and receiving apologies. We've looked at examples of non-apology apologies or pseudo-apologies. We've taken a look at the harm and the healthful benefits when we do it right. I'd like to continue on with some guidelines. How do we build a proper apology? How do we do that? Number one. Real apologies own the action that causes the offense or the hurt. Real apologies own it. We did it. We said it. We're not going to try to weasel our way out of it. We're guilty. Black and white. Matthew 18, verse 7.

Woe to the world because of offenses, for offenses must come. But woe to that man by whom the offenses come. Real apologies own the action. And here we see that the Scripture says, Jesus Christ says here in red lettering in my Bible, that offenses are coming. And they do come. You know, brethren, I could have turned to Matthew 24. That was actually in my notes at the beginning.

I thought that maybe that might be an extreme example. But in Matthew 24, verses 9 through 12, we see at the end of the age, the people in God's church are going to be offended. They're going to betray one another. That love is going to wax cold. Now, is all of that because of people who are going to be offended? Now, is all of that because of people not apologizing properly?

Of course not. That would be overstatement, over-exaggeration, and simply not the case. But can some of that be the case? As we move toward the end of the age, and if we've hurt people and never gone back to address their injury, could it be they do turn bitter? They do leave the church. Again, we don't want that set at our feet. We don't want that at all. So real apologies own the action that causes the hurt or the offense. Let me give you an example. Let's say there's a husband and wife team here in the congregation. Let's say you've been struggling with credit card debt, and as a couple you've made a pact between yourselves that you're not going to use your credit cards anymore until you pay off the outstanding balance.

Then lo and behold, the fella or the gal goes and uses the credit card. They've caused an offense. They've caused a harm. And so an apology in this case might be, quote, I bought something, and you name the thing, with our credit card after promising you I would not use it until after we paid out the outstanding balance. And so very specific, owning the action, making sure we apologize to the aggrieved person. And as I made mention earlier in the sermon, brethren, the more the apology, the more specific the apology, the more effective it is. The more effective it is. I've known people. I've been in situations and counseling sessions. Could be a husband-wife team. Could be people in a local congregation.

We're not getting along. They say, Mr. Belisandre, would you please sit in with us? We want to have a discussion so that we can draw closer to one another. And in those discussions, there's almost too many times somebody will say something, I apologize for everything I've ever done in life. That goes nowhere. That is a waste of words. That is just verbiage that is filling the air, has no value whatsoever.

I think I made mention to you probably early on when I first came to the area. When I was in college, my friend from Texas had a motorcycle. We were in Southern California, and we liked to go out and do things on a Saturday night after the Sabbath was over. We would jump on his motorcycle.

He was driving on and back. I remember one day, this is actually on a Sunday, we were coming near the Hall of Administration there in Pasadena. We both saw the problem ahead of us on the road. Somebody had been washing a truck engine off, and there was grease all over the road. Jim started applying the brakes. Well, he didn't apply them soon enough.

Before we knew it, the bike was on top of us, and we were sliding. Thankfully, we were only going about five miles an hour or so. I probably did more damage to our egos as the young co-ed were saying, Oh, aren't those guys cool? Bike on top of them. Thankfully, we had jeans on, and we didn't get skinned up too bad.

But I remember my hands were in pretty bad shape. Now, what did I do with my hand that was all cut up from being, you know, wedged on that cement? Did I just take a Mercuricoma methylate or something and just put it all over my arm? No. I attended to each little cut. Because if I didn't attend to each little cut, then problems would occur. I had to attend very specifically to each little injury. And the same thing is true, brethren, with our apologies. We've got to be specific. We don't over-apologize. We don't generalize. We are specific. So point number one, real apologies own the action that cause the offense.

Number two, real apologies will state what we did wrong. We're going to own it. We've got to verbalize it. Here's what we did. Let's go to Leviticus 5. Leviticus 5.5 And it shall be, when he is guilty in any of these matters, that he shall confess that he has sinned in that thing. Confess that he has sinned in that thing.

That thing, very specifically. Now, if you feel that you're a little clueless, or if I feel I'm a little clueless as to where I've wronged an individual, there's certainly nothing wrong with saying, you know, I know I've hurt you. I'm not quite sure all that I did that has hurt you, but I know I hurt you.

Can you please help me out? And what did I do specifically to hurt you? You can say something to the fact, I want to make sure I don't hurt you in this way in the future. Please let me know specifically what I have done to hurt you. You know, that goes a long way for the person who's been hurt. They see you're sincere. They see you really want to make amends. Brethren, apologies are a form of repentance.

Apologies are a form of repentance. And we want to make sure that as Christians, we're repentant people. We don't repent just at the time of our being baptized or prior to being baptized. We repent all the time. So number two, real apologies state what we did wrong. Number three, real apologies say, I'm sorry.

Real apologies say, I'm sorry. Luke chapter 15.

Luke chapter 15 and verse 21.

Prodigal son's story, Luke chapter 15 verse 21.

Luke 15.21. I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son. He's not trying to wiggle out of this. He's not trying to bargain or anything of the nature. He is simply saying, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And he gets specific as the time goes along there.

Brethren, a sincere apology is not given in order to manipulate anybody. On a number of occasions, I've had individuals that I know do what I'm about to tell you. They'll go to somebody and say, you know, I'm sorry for what I did to you. They'll stand back, and they'll say, now it's your turn to apologize to me.

We don't bargain with an apology. Maybe that a person did do us grievous wrong. Maybe it's harmful both ways. You know, there's plenty of that. Where, you know, a discussion where there's a lot of lead flying in the air, so to speak. And everybody is wounded and maimed. You know, it's also been my experience when situations like that occur. Normally, the most converted one is the one who goes first to apologize.

That's tended to be what I've seen over the years. The most converted one will be first to make the apology. So real apologies say, I'm sorry, number four. Real apologies resist the urge to qualify. Real apologies resist the urge to qualify the apology. Well, you know, you got me so mad. You said these things that were so wrong, and then you got me mad at you, and then I said this, and of course I was wrong, but you started it! Acts 8.

Acts 8, verse 22.

Repent, therefore, of this your wickedness. And pray, God, if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you, we take it personally. We're not asking for a co-signer on our guilt bill. We don't want them to feel as though they've got to sign off, too, because, well, you know, I was a part of it. That's not, you know, we don't want to come from that direction. Real apologies will resist the urge to qualify. Number five.

Real apologies promise that you'll try never to repeat the offense. Now, we're human. We may repeat it. We may, you know, because of our weaknesses, but we want people to know sincerely that we're going to make every effort to not do whatever it was we did again. Second Corinthians, chapter seven.

Second Corinthians, chapter seven.

Starting here in verse nine, Paul, of course, Paul is writing, and I think we've gone over this before, but Paul wrote this whole second letter to Corinth because he had to disfellowship a man there in 1 Corinthians, chapter five, but he was reinstating the man. The man came to his senses. The man repented. Paul wanted him to be brought back to church. He wanted the congregation to accept him with open arms. So that being some of the background, we see here, 2 Corinthians 7, 9. Now I rejoice not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted, but the sorrow of the world produces death. So here Paul is saying you've got real golden repentance, and you've got fool's gold. You want the real deal. You want the real article. You want real repentance. How do you know?

Verse 11 gives seven fruits of true repentance. When I'm counseling for somebody for baptism, this is the last scripture I use. We go through all seven of these fruits, and I say, if you can see yourself in verse 11, then you are a repentant person. You may not be at 100% at all seven of these fruits, but if you see these fruits in your life, well, notice what it says. Let's look at verse 11. For observe this very thing that you sorrowed in a godly manner. So here we're going to see it describes what a godly manner of repentance is.

What diligence it produces in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication.

Excuse me. In all these things, you prove yourself to be clear in this matter. In what matter? The matter if you've got godly sorrow. But notice the very first thing we see here. What diligence it produced.

When we are apologizing to people, we want them to realize we are going to be diligent. We know we... I know I hurt you.

And here's a plan of attack I have on what I did, so that I don't hurt you again this way. And we maybe go through and describe to the person, well, who we've hurt. Well, here's what I want to do. Would this be helpful? Is there some way I could amend this from your point of view, where it would be helpful? And we show them a game plan. We show them a really sincere... We really want to be diligent not to do that again. Now, if you've been hurt, if you've been wrong, then somebody comes to you with that approach. I know that as Christians, you're going to be very receptive to that. You're going to bend over backward trying to be there for that person. Help them, encourage them, applaud their efforts, and so forth. So real apologies promise that you'll never... You'll try never to repeat the offense. Number six. I've got eight of these, by the way, so we're coming around to bend here. Number six. Real apologies make amends. Real apologies make amends. You know, the Bible talks a great deal in the Old Testament about reparation. Somebody steals this or harms that. Here's...you got to restore X number fold. Well, the same thing is true in our Christian life. Where we can make amends, we need to make amends. There may be nothing physical to repair. It may be a matter of trying to help their heart, their spirit, their psyche, by the proper words we use. But notice here, again, 2 Corinthians chapter 7, talking about repentance. The first fruit of repentance is diligence. The second fruit of repentance is a clearing of ourselves. You've heard the phrase, I need to clear my name. I need to make my name good. That's what that's referring to. That's a part of repentance. The clearing of a name. You know, we ask the person, is there something I can do to help in the healing process? Is there something I can do to help make amends? And if the other person tells you, please pay careful attention. Because they're going to tell you the way that helps them. Number 7. Real apologies choose the right time to apologize. Real apologies choose the right time to apologize. Let's go to Ephesians chapter 4.

Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 26. It says, Be angry and do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. The general principle is, the sooner the better. The sooner the better. But I will put an asterisk by that statement. Brethren, it may be where you and I have finally come to the place, let's say we were struggling with an apology, or giving an apology, we may have come to the place where we feel prepared to give an apology.

But please understand, the person you're apologizing to may not want to hear your voice right now, or my voice right now. They may not be prepared to accept an apology right now. And so we've got to be patient. We've got to realize that everybody, just like with our bodies, here in Chicago we've had this cough going around. Some of us have had that cough for five weeks. I've had it for a week. The one thing that I think is universal to the people I've talked to is after you think you're done with it, you're not done with it, it keeps on sticking around for a while.

You don't know me as well as maybe you'd like, or vice versa. But my personal history is when I get a cough, it wants to retire in my chest. If it takes you a week to get rid of it, it takes me two weeks. But the same thing is true with people and their emotions. We can't legislate when somebody's ready to talk with you. There may be times where you have to give them some space, and they'll have to telegraph you as to when you can go back to them and talk to them.

Lastly, number eight. This is basically a continuation of what I've just been talking about. Number eight. Real apologies are patient. Real apologies are patient. 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter. 1 Corinthians 13, verse 4. Love suffers long and is kind.

So real apologies, you know, there are times where we are wanting to make the apology, and they're willing to make the apology, and have a proper apology. But again, the other person may not want to hear the sound of our voice. They may not want to lay eyes on us because of how aggrieved they are at what you or I have done. So we give them some space. Love suffers long. Verse 7. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Now, what we have here, it's a two-edged sword in one way.

Perhaps, depending upon your personality type, it's really hard for you to apologize. And for you or I to apologize, it's a big deal. But on the other side of the fence, it may be hard for the other person to be forgiving. They may have a real issue forgiving. And so you've got these two human dynamics that may be at odds with one another. And as Christians who've got God's Holy Spirit, who've got the wisdom of God, we've got to appreciate that people heal at different rates, at different times, and people sometimes need space. Very true in the marital situation.

People need space. So the same way we need to learn how to apologize, the other person may need to learn how to forgive. Okay, last thing I want to cover with you. Choosing how to deliver your apology. How do you do it? How do you do it? Experience has taught me, after giving X number of apologies in life, and having others talk to me about apologies they've given in life, experience has taught me that face-to-face apologies, if they can be done, are the best.

Face-to-face. Why is that the case? When you come before somebody face-to-face, the person who's been hurt has an opportunity to look at you, to look at your facial expressions, to look at your body English, to listen to each word, and to listen to the tone of those words. It's a whole package that they're looking at as you are giving your apology. And if all those things are harmonious and all those things show that you truly are sorry, it's a very effective apology done that way, face-to-face.

Some people would prefer to do it on the phone. I think that's less personal, a little more detached. Some people prefer to do it that way. It's better than not doing it at all, a phone apology.

Other forms of apologies. Some people would want to do it in writing. Do it in writing. This tends to be better for people who aren't so good verbally. Maybe under the pressure of the moment, you don't always say the best things or the proper things or word things just the way they should be worded. You find that you don't think well on your feet, so maybe a written apology is better for you. Sometimes it's a matter of who you're apologizing to. I've had individuals come to me, Mr. De La Sandro, I need to apologize to so-and-so. The person who comes to me who says that, they're very quiet, very shy, very unassuming, and the person they need to apologize is Mr. Bombastik. Their hair is going all over the place, they're loud, and they just don't have the personality for that. So they go with a written apology. There is a built-in difficulty with written apologies. Again, take it for one who knows. Whenever you put something in writing, there can be multiple interpretations of what you've written. People can read between lines, they can take an emphasis that you never intended, they can take and extrapolate things you never meant to be extrapolated. There is no give and take with something that's written. I guess you can write back, but when a person gets a letter that infuriates them even more, like the old saying we read in the book the fellows are going through in Spokesman's Club right now. When you're in a hole, stop digging. I think that could be very true with written apologies. So today, brethren, we're going to quit early here. Today we talked about how does a Christian give a sincere apology? I feel this is a very important topic. As a church pastor, I've seen where when this is not done properly, a good deal of hurt comes. I've also seen where when it is done properly, brothers and sisters have a closer bond than ever before. So let's ask ourselves, you ask yourself, I'll ask me, how am I at giving a proper apology?