The Nurturing Home Is Created by Nurturing Parents, Part 1

As I may mention, over in Ann Arbor, we're doing the Growing Kids Gods Way. As an adult, I have never gone through that particular curriculum or set of seminars. But over in Ann Arbor, a number of people have, and they speak with great glowing terms about Growing Kids Gods Way. We've got seven couples over there that want to go through the curriculum. I think it's 18 weeks. Today was a rather introductory session. Most sessions will last two hours. There's videos, there's back-and-forth interaction, there's a workbook that's very labor-intensive. It takes a great deal of time for the people who are participating. I was talking to Mr. Murray last Sunday. We went over to the Weckerleys. We had dinner with Mr. Weckerley, Annette was there, and then Susan Riley, Jim Riley, and their girls were there. So we all had dinner, and the Murries were there. Mr. Murray was talking about how wonderful this program is, that the Flint Church went through it, and how wonderful and so forth that it is.

Now, the family is a vital building block for society. It's not THE vital building block. It is A vital building block. Before we go any further, let's take a look at what THE vital building block is. Let's look at Ephesians 2. Ephesians 2, verse 19-22. Ephesians 2, verse 19. Now therefore you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God. So here is the great building block, and what are we built upon? Having them built on the foundation of the apostles and the prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone.

He is the foundation. Everything is laid and set upon. The whole building is being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. And we also are being built together for our dwelling place of God and His Spirit. So as important as the family is, we have to remember that if you and I want to be great parents or great grandparents, then we have to be people who love God and who love God's way, who love the Scriptures, who have dedicated ourselves to live by God's way. Let's go to Psalm 127.

Psalm 127. Psalm 127 verse 1. Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the washman stays awake in vain. So the great building block of any family is God the Father, Jesus Christ, God's Spirit, the Scriptures, all of that. That's the great building block of the family. We have to be aware of that. Now today, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on that particular issue because I've got a lot to say regarding to the dads, what we should be like to be a proper dad, a proper father.

Now, today in our society, the whole definition of what a family is is under attack. Rex Sexton, I believe it was in his presentation, made mention of a story where you had a father and a mother. They had a child. And in the course of time, there was a divorce. They went their separate ways. The two parents went their separate ways. The dad had a sex change operation, became a woman. Later on in the story, the two decided they wanted to raise their child together.

So they remarried or got together. So you had two moms raising their child. Now, you talk about confusion. You talk about a definition of family we would not endorse or use. But that's what's taking place. Last night, as I was watching TV, watching the news, there was a commercial. I forget who the commercial was for.

But it showed two women who were going to adopt a young girl. And it just came, we're just two people, two women. We're partners and we're going to adopt this young lady. I thought, how sad. How sad for her. So, brethren, as I was thinking about what to give the fathers today as a message, something stood out in my mind. It's over here in Ephesians 6, verse 4. Ephesians 6, verse 4. We want to talk about what it means to be a good dad.

A good, solid Christian dad. Ephesians 6, verse 4. And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Now, explicitly, this verse is talking to dads about raising their physical children. We can appreciate that. But there's a lot happening here of a spiritual nature. A lot of principle here that we use. That whether we're fathers, whether we're grandfathers, or whether we're uncles.

We want to be aware of these principles. Now, let's tear this verse apart a little bit and see what it's saying to us. It says, the new fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up. Bring them up. The word there from Thayer's Greek lexicon, the words, are nourish them. Nurture them. We want to nourish and nurture our children. This sets the tone for what we as fathers should be. We should be nurturing. We should be nourishing to our children. This is bringing them up as we nourish them and nurture them in the training. Now, the word there means disciplined training. There's discipline involved. We live in this society today. My wife passed along a cartoon.

She texted me. She was at work. Somebody sent it to her. She sent it to me. There's a man kneeling down praying. Father, I'm living in a country where people don't spank their children anymore. And they get awards just for showing up. You know, Reverend, there's different ways to discipline children. Some people don't believe in spanking. That's up to them. Even within the church, that's up to them.

I'm not saying that one way or another. But we live in a society where children are just running amok. They're doing whatever they want to do. And then they turn 18 years old or they graduate from college and it's kind of like, Hey! Where's my beautiful house in the suburbs? Where's my beamer? Where's my big fat bank account? Well, what have they done to earn that? Well, they've done nothing. They graduated from college. But they have a feeling of entitlement.

I'm showing up. Isn't somebody going to award me? Now, I can appreciate the fact that we want to validate our children, but that's not the way to do it. That's not the way to do it. So we want to have disciplined training in righteousness, is what we see here. Then it says, Do not provoke your children around, bring them up into training, and admonition. And again, from Vines, Expository, Dictionary, and Biblical words, that means put them in mind of the Scriptures.

Admonishing or admonishment is putting them in mind of the Scriptures. So think of what this verse is telling us. It's telling us that as fathers, there's a certain tone that we need when we're wearing our children. That tone is one where there's training, there's discipline, but there's also the discipline that we find in God's Word. Not what you and I find just pulling something out of thin air. So the point I want to make, what Paul is focusing on here, is being a home being, nurturing environment.

And so today, I'm going to give, and I'm talking to you fathers, grandfathers, the next time we have, this will be in three weeks, and the next time we have another growing kids God's way, I want to talk to the moms. That's going to be in three weeks from today. Today we're going to focus in on our dads. We're going to ask the question, what does it take for a dad to have a nurturing home environment? So you dads pay attention, and I don't care if your kids are growing out of the house.

You're always, if you're a dad, you're always a dad. And perhaps a granddad, or maybe a great granddad. The best gift, number one, the best gift you give to your children as a father is to properly love your wife. The best gift you give to your children is properly loving their mother. And you want them to see how much you love their mother.

Ephesians 5 and verse 25. Ephesians 5, 25. Where it says, husbands love your wife just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Now that's a really high bar. A really high bar that we need to love our wives as Christ loved the church. He gave us all for the church. And, fellas, we need to let our children know that we give our all for our wives, that we don't hold back at all. We love them with every bit of our being.

Our children watch us, even when they're tiny little tots. They're on their blanket. How many times has this happened? I can remember times when my kids were on the blanket, things were happening in church. I think they're playing with their little toys or they're playing with their Cheerios or whatever it is they've got down there. And on the way home, well, Dad, he said this. Or he said that. And I thought, oh, well, you know, they've got pretty big ears when they want to have it. You know, they're listening. And they've got good eyesight. They're watching. They listen to us. They watch us. They're learning. They're forming their concept of what marriage should be. And fathers, they're looking at us. They're looking at me as a father. They're looking at you as a father or a grandfather. They're very much paying attention to what you're doing. If your son sees you showing disrespect for your wife, there's a really good chance he's going to disrespect his wife. If you verbally, mentally, or physically abuse your wife, there's a good chance your daughter will expect that in her marriage. Is that what you want for your little girl or your little granddaughter? And maybe you think I'm being harsh. Verbal, mental, or physical abuse in the church? I can write a book on that. Are you kidding me? From one woman who came home, and now of course, now this case, her husband was not in the church, but he put a shotgun on the bridge of her nose and said, I can take you out of this world. In another case, the husband and wife were in the church. And how did this guy get his wife's attention? He'd just take out his .22 and shoot at her. He wouldn't try to hit her. He'd just shoot around her, get her attention, knock off a branch, or shoot in the dirt near her. I tell you what, if you treat, fellows, your children's, your wife, their mother, as if she isn't worth very much, you're degrading the home. You're degrading the family. You're degrading the whole institution of marriage. But they're going to carry that into their lives. As a matter of fact, let's take a look at a principle here in Deuteronomy chapter 5. Deuteronomy chapter 5.

Deuteronomy chapter 5 and verse 9. We see here a cycle at the end of verse 9, a cycle where children see their parents, especially their father, doing something, and then they do it in their lives. Those children see that, and that goes on generation to generation. It says, those who hate me, those who don't follow me, those who don't listen to me. Now, on the other hand, on a positive side, if your children see, if they visibly see you showing love and respect for their mother, your wife, your son will learn how to be a good husband and a father himself. He will be taught. He will go to school. He will see what it is to be a good dad, a good husband. If you honor your wife, your daughters aren't going to be satisfied with a man who dishonors her.

You don't want your little girl growing up to marry somebody who's going to hurt her. You want her to be, like we talked about in the sermonette, where she's cherished. She is the vessel of honor, like fine china, valued. That's what we want for our little girls. If you cherish their mother as a valuable part, not only of your life, but their life, they're going to carry that model with them. So, fellows, the very first thing, if we want to have a nurturing environment for our homes, the very first thing we do is we love our wife. We love their mother. And if you're divorced, if you're divorced, because we always have those, you know, I've been divorced. If you're divorced, you don't just, you know, whenever the feeling suits you, run down the mother of the children.

You don't do that. Just like there's the office of the ministry, there's the office of the father, there's the office of the mother. You don't just go to your kids, start running down their mother. Now, that may shut you up a lot. There may not be a lot you can say, but you look for the opportunities to say positive things about her to your children. Because they're going to notice that too. They're going to notice that too. So love your wife. Now, the rest of the sermon basically goes into this one other segment. That is, if we want to have nurturing homes, if we as fathers want nurturing homes, we have to provide a loving environment. And, fellows, how do we do that? How do we as fathers provide a loving environment for our children? We've got a number of areas here to look at. Let's begin by going to 1 Timothy 5 and verse 8. 1 Timothy 5 and verse 8.

You know, before I forget, ladies, even though I'm talking to the guys here, I don't want you to fall asleep on me. After services in Ann Arbor, one of the women came up to me, who was long ago divorced. She said, well, Mr. D forgot to mention... She was actually talking to my wife. Mr. D forgot to mention that I've had to be father and mother to my kids.

And some of you fellows may have had to be mother and father to your kids. It puts more pressure on you, doesn't it? But how do we provide, as dads, or if you're a single parent, how do we provide this loving environment?

First of all, let's look at 1 Timothy chapter 5 and verse 8. But if anyone does not provide for his own, provide, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. So here we see the very explicit desire of God. For us, and now we're talking to the dads, we need to provide for our family, to provide a nurturing home.

Now, as I was putting together my thoughts and doing research on this topic, I came across an article, and the fellow brought up an interesting point. I hadn't really quite thought of it this way, but the fellow brought up an interesting point. He said, well, let's take a look at what a loving environment isn't. A loving environment isn't giving the kids everything they want. It's not just giving them everything they want. That's one of the worst things that you can do. He said, we're living in a generation of children whose parents have robbed their children of the blessings. Now, I want you to notice what he says in terms of what he calls blessings. We live in a generation of children whose parents have robbed their children of the blessings of wanting. Have you ever thought about that being a blessing, of wanting? Of working and of waiting. For material things. We've spoiled our children by giving them instant satisfaction. Is there any wonder why so many kids today, they get out of college, and the first thing that happens in their lives, they get mired down on tremendous credit card debt? Why? Because they thought when they were growing up, you'd simply, you know, just throw money at it. Just go and buy stuff. If you want it, you get it. Well, is there any character in it? Does God give you everything you want? Now, maybe God has given you everything you want. And if he is, then I must be in the wrong place. Because I've got a long list of things I would like to have that I'm not even close to.

Now, why is it a blessing for our children to want things? And we're not talking about basic things like feeding them and clothing them and giving them shelter. We're not talking about that. But, you know, they may want the latest designer jeans. They may want the latest tennis shoes. You know, the various sports figures. He's got these tennies and these tennies, they run 250 bucks a pair.

You know, Mary didn't want me to say this to you, but the tennis shoes I wear, I was walking through Walmart one day. And I saw these tennis shoes. Dr. Scholz. And what were they? They were 29 bucks. They fit good on my feet. They fit good in my pocketbook. I'd have to buy some shoes that, you know, somebody, some big sports star, gets, you know, have to have the money for. So, eh. If they've asked me one year, they've done good, you know. 29 bucks for a pair of Dr. Scholz. You know, you look at those things on my feet. They don't look any different than the Reebok or the other, you know, the Nike or the other expensive brands. So, you know, let our kids want that.

But something else. Think about this. When our kids want something, and, you know, we just don't automatically give it to them, what are we helping them to produce? We're helping them to produce in their character initiative. I want something. Well, okay. What are you going to do about it? That's not going to buy it for you. Mom's not going to buy it for you. What are you going to do about that? Well, I'm going to work hard. I'm going to set some goals. I'm going to develop a skill set, or a number of skill sets that will enable me to get money to buy those shoes.

I'm going to get an education. So when I want things in the future, I can get those things. So all those things are not a blessing to the child if you just give it to them. No, let them want. It's good for them. They'll develop the initiative, the hard work, the goal setting. I don't know. Maybe I'm different. When I go through society today, I go to a fast food restaurant, or I go into some store. I begin to wonder, does anybody in this country anymore know how to work? Fast food. Oh, man. Bring your sundial. It's going to take you forever to get it out of that place. You want to find somebody to help you in a department store? Good luck!

I remember when my son first got his job. He moved into the area, literally right across the street from McCusnell High School. It was a CVS drugstore. Brandon was a freshman in high school. He walked across the street and got a job. One of the blessings I gave to Brandon, and I've not been a perfect father by any stretch, but one of the things I taught him was how to work and how to work hard. He went into CVS and he began to work and work hard. He noticed that a lot of the other fellows, whatever the boss's back was turned, they're on a cell phone to their girl. They're trying to figure out ways of not doing the job, or making like they are doing the job, but just kind of sloughing off. Brandon worked hard. By the time he was 21 years of age, he was an assistant manager at a CVS drugstore. Now here's a kid who didn't have a single... He had a high school diploma at that point. He hadn't had his college degree. High school diploma. By the time he was 22, they gave him his own store. At 22 years of age, with a high school diploma, my son was making almost twice what I make. With just a high school diploma. Why? Because he worked hard. He was managing people in their 40s and 50s. He was managing a store full of all kinds of inventory, thousands and thousands of dollars of inventory. He was putting the ones that put the ads in the paper. He was one of the people who brought people to the store, and he was handsomely paying for that. He got a bonus on all that. Because he was taught how to work hard. And those are things that, if you just give the kids everything, they don't learn. They don't learn those things. They need to learn that anything of value is going to take time to acquire.

I remember so distinctly my father. Now my father probably broke a lot of the rules I've got here. But I view my dad as being a great dad.

He always had two jobs. He was a mechanic for the gas company, Michigan Consolidated Gas Company. On weekends he played piano at a bar. If it wasn't the piano, he played an organ, or if they played an accordion. If it had keys, he played it. And he was really good at that. Now, way back before I came to the church, when I was observing Christmas and that sort of thing, if Dad needed extra money in addition to his two jobs, he would drive a cab. So there were times he had three jobs he was working. And we saw so little of him that for years my sister called him Mom. She couldn't relate, but that was bad.

But you know what, as growing up, I think about it, I would say, you know, I guess people have different definitions, but I would say we grew up lower middle class. My dad was a great mechanic, but the car we drove, oh man. Dad was a Chrysler fan. So I always drove some old dilapidated Dodge or Plymouth. Back in the 50s and 60s, those things didn't look good at all. They were ugly cars. They all drove like trucks. I remember whenever one of my friends would say, hey, we're going to go to school, don't worry about the bus, my mom's going to drive us. And I would jump in one of their Chevy's. And it's like, it's floating on air. I thought, what kind of car? What? Dad, why can't we have a car like that? We have to have some dilapidated old Dodge, because Chrysler engineering.

I'd rather have the nice driving Chevy.

But, you know, it didn't warp me as a person because we didn't have the best car.

In our neighborhood, whatever people were getting, whether it be a TV set or not, we didn't have one. And then when people were getting their color TV set, we were just getting a black and white and an old dilapidated one at that. Furniture in a house? Oh, yeah. Nothing matched. I remember one time my friend and I, I think we must have been six years old, we wanted to play marbles outside. And it was raining cats and dogs. Mom said, hey, you guys can't go out there. Mom, Mom, we want to play marbles. Well, how do you do it? And I said, well, we take a piece of chalk, make a circle, or we draw a circle in the dirt. We throw some marbles in there, we decide who's going to go first. If we knock out a marble out of that circle, we get it, and we keep on going until the next guy's turn. So what did my mother do in our household? She got a piece of chalk. Went into our front room, draw this big circle on what should be carpet. But to say that that was carpet is stretching it. Because all you had there was carpet backing. You can pluck and play those strings on that thing. Like you were a guitarist.

But you know, I grew up knowing that my parents weren't going to give me everything. If I wanted it, I had to work for it. So as a kid, I had my newspaper around, I sold different kinds of greeting cards. Whatever way I could make money, I made money. It developed something in me that I think today we don't have in some of our kids. And today, I'll draw this one step further before we move on, I don't think some of our kids have ever been taught how to work. In the wintertime, I can drive through my subdivision and I'll see grown men shoveling snow. And maybe it's a cup to three inches, they don't have their snow blower out, so we just go out there with the shovel. Now when I'm shoveling, not that I'm any great shakes, but I'm shoveling, every flake of that snow is off my driveway and off my sidewalk. Some of these guys, they'll take a little path with their shovel, then they'll take another path. And between each path, they've got like three or four inches of snow. And I'm looking at this and they're all done. I'm thinking, boy, didn't your daddy ever tell you how to shovel a walk? No. And that's probably how they work when they're working. So, you know, a loving and loving environment, fellows, is not provided by us giving our kids everything that they want. We want them to want. We want them to work. We want to teach them the skills of working and of waiting and being patient. Okay, that ended up saying, now let's get to some of the other things that what you and I can do as dads to provide a loving environment. Number one here, this is on the positive side, enjoy your children. Enjoy them. And I said that to a number of people here in Ann Arbor who got young kids. Boy, I appreciate those little kids. Because before you know it, they're going off to college. Before you know it, they're having kids. But when they're little, when you can grab them up in your arms and you can kiss those sweet little cheeks and tickle them and all those good things, you enjoy them at that age. Because it's coming at a time when they're going to know more than you. At least they're going to tell you that they know more than you.

Enjoy your children. Psalm 127, we were there a little bit earlier. We quoted verse 1. Let's go back to Psalm 127 and get a scriptural bearing here. Psalm 127 verse 3. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. They are a heritage. They are a blessing. If you take your children for granted, let me tell you, there are plenty of people who want to have kids and who can't. Who want to have kids and maybe they have all sorts of issues where they can't have kids. Or maybe they want to adopt and there's all sorts of hang-ups with that sort of thing now.

Enjoy the fact you've got your children. There's a guiding principle here. If you want your home, fellas, to be a healthy environment for your children. If you want your children to respect you and your wife, then you want to provide them a home where they feel appreciated. Where they know they're enjoyed. Where they know you love them. You know, it's just... You talk about security. There's no better security in the world for a child than to know mom and dad love them.

We didn't have much. We had the old, clunky Dodge. We had the lack of furniture, the lack of carpeting in our house. But you know, when my mom took me to school that first day, I sat down in class and I don't know, about half the class, boys and girls both, they're all crying. Oh, I want my mommy! Well, I didn't cry. Why? Because I knew my mother loved me. I knew my father loved me. I knew that they provided for me. I thought this was going to be great. I was told we were going to go to school. We were going to play a lot. You know, it's kindergarten. How bad can that be?

But, you know, I guess I would say I was a well-adjusted kid now. I was fortunate. I didn't grow up in a bad area or anything like that. I didn't grow up with lots of money, I'll tell you that. But I knew that my folks loved me. Guys, your children don't care if you've just got a big promotion. That doesn't play with them. They don't care if you've just got a big promotion. They don't care that you're in charge of 50 different people, that you've got a nice nameplate on your desk. What they care about is the fact that dad is going to be home for dinner.

When they're young, they want dad to give them a horsey ride. When they're young, you go into Walmart and there's that little goofy machine that you plug a quarter into, and they can ride that little airplane. The plane doesn't go any place, but it bounces up and down a little bit. Every little kid likes those things. That's what means something to them. You enjoy watching them smile on their face, that beautiful little face with a smile on it. You want to enjoy that. Love your children.

It's so easy for us, as we are busy people, trying to make a buck in this doggy dog world. It's so easy for us to be not careful, just like we do with God. I've got to schedule time with my kids. So, whether it be God we've got to schedule time for, or our kids we've got to schedule time for, then either God and our kids become a scheduling issue. Is that what we want? Do we want God to be a scheduling issue? Do we want our children to be a scheduling issue? Do we want our wife to be a scheduling issue? No. That's not how we want to look at life. We want to give our wives, our husbands, our children as much time as we can. And we want to enjoy them, and see that they enjoy the household. Because there's going to come plenty of times when you've got to discipline the kids, right? There's going to come plenty of times when they're going to do something wrong, and you're going to allow them to make mistakes, and that's something we'll talk about in a few minutes. You allow them to make their mistakes, not put themselves in harm's way, but they're going to make their mistakes.

And then, it's, ah, the Lord has delivered you into my hand, and you begin to work with them. So there's going to be some teeth, there's going to be some discipline down the road, so make sure that they know that Mom and Dad are just simply fun to be around. When I was in fifth grade, I had a teacher by the name of Mrs. Johnson. Mrs. Johnson's daughter was also in my elementary school class. And it was a well-known fact that if you wanted to have a really cool evening, that you went home with Mrs. Johnson to go be there in her home with Mr. Johnson. I forget what the girl's name was. I remember the teacher's name. But Mrs. Johnson started going home. Well, what happens at Mrs. Johnson's place? Well, they watch TV. What's so big about that? Well, they make these really interesting comments. They've got a good sense of humor. They watch the national news. They're watching Walter Cronkite. They're watching Huntley Brinkley. Davey, myself here. They're watching these things. But it's kind of a family. It's an opportunity for a teacher to educate the children. But it was fun. And all they were doing was watching the nightly news. Can we do that? I think we can do that. Fellas, if we're so tired we can't go outside and shoot a few hoops with our son, then maybe we'll watch a basketball game with him. If we've got a daughter, or and a daughter, and we're too tired, and we don't think there's much to do with our daughter, what's in her heart that would really resonate with her? Now, I'm fortunate because I've had just one daughter, Danielle, and she's a lot like her dad. She looks just like her mom, but her personality's like her dad. So to me it's always been easy to take Danielle on a date. What are we going to do? Danielle, what do you want to do? Let's go to a restaurant. Let's go someplace and eat. Or we go to the mall. She likes to shop. I'm a mall person. I'm a guy, but I like going to the mall. And of course I'm always going to find that food court. So you do things that to them are fun.

And none of this idea of, well, I'm going to give quality time. I can't do the quantity thing, but I'm going to give quality time. So what does that mean? I'm giving them a good five minutes. But it's a good five minutes! Is that what we say to God? God, I'm a busy guy. You don't know what it is to be a busy guy. You're only running the universe. You're only keeping everything going. You can't know what busy is. But God, I'm going to give you five of the best minutes I've got today. I don't think, brethren, we've got to choose that. We don't have to choose between quantity and quality. We don't want to give our children our leftovers. We don't want to give our children our leftovers. We want to give them prime time. And that means we've got to make that. So to have a nurturing home environment, we've got to enjoy our children. The second thing we want to do, fathers, to provide a loving environment, is listen to our kids. Listen to them.

Let's look at Proverbs 1 and verse 5. Proverbs 1 and verse 5.

Where it says, A wise man will hear and increase learning. A man of understanding will attain wise counsel. And sometimes the best wisdom we get, we receive, is by hearing what's in the hearts and minds of our little boy or our little girl. Or, if our little boy and little girl are now in their 30s or 40s. Again, we're always dads. Just because our kids are grown out of the house doesn't mean we check out of the scene.

As a guiding principle here, as a loving father, we want to spend time instructing our children. That's the whole section I was going to give, but I knew I didn't have enough time for that. We want to instruct our children. But our children need to also know that communication is a two-way street. That when something is bothering my son or my daughter, I want them to realize they can come and talk to dad. Don't care what it is. I'm not going to jump down their throat. I'm not going to be judgmental. I'm not going to say, well, how dare you think that or how dare you do that? They're a human being. They've come to dad. They want to talk. Are there some solutions? Are there some things we can think about? Are there some ways to get out of the situation we're in? If you come across as, you know, everything is black and white and, you know, being very judgmental. You shut them out of the conversation and they don't come to you. And who do they go to? Today's children, who do they go to? They go to their peers. In today's society, our kids' peers are equal to blood flesh. Make no mistake about that. I've talked to enough kids in their 20s and 30s, mostly 20s. They say, oh yeah, you're my dad or yeah, you're my mom, but there's Harry over here. I went to school with Harry. He's almost equal footing. That's the way the world views it. And we need to understand that's where our kids are coming from. That's the way this generation thinks. And so we want to make sure we leave the doors of communication wide open.

Now, as adults, they're going to make decisions we may not agree with. But we don't want to shut them out because they may never come back again.

I want to leave that light burning so they can come in out of the cold, out of the dark.

When your children are young, they're at home, make it a point to check in every day with them. What's in their hearts? What's in their minds? What are they worried about? Did you just move? Is there a little boy terrorizing your little boy? Did your little girl just have a crush on somebody at school and he then made fun of her and her little heart is broken? What are you going to do about that? You need to know what's going on in their lives and be a part of that. When they get to be teenagers, they get to be college students, they're going to want a lot more autonomy. I'm going through that cycle with my kids. But again, check in. Check in with them. Give them the opportunity. Let them know you're there. You're available. Give them your undivided attention. Not something where you've got one eyeball on them and one eyeball on your most favorite TV show. Even when they're not saying anything to you, if you're there with them, you can look at them. You can eyeball them. You can read their body English. What's going on in their hearts and minds? What's going on in their life? If you listen to them when they're small, when they're little kids, and their problems are small, they're going to come to you when they're bigger and their problems are bigger. Secondly, then, for us dads, providing a loving environment is listening to our kids. Number three, and I've got four points here for you. Number three, providing a loving environment from the dads is realizing that your children aren't perfect. They never will be. They're your kids. Right? You're not perfect. You never will be. So how can you expect something that's come out of your body to be better than you? It's not going to happen.

Galatians 3, verse 21. Galatians 3, verse 21.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Don't provoke them. Galatians 3, verse 21. Don't provoke your children. It doesn't mean we shouldn't train them, educate them, teach them. Sure, we should. Coach them. Absolutely. But there comes a point where, especially as they are getting older, that we've got to give them their share of autonomy. Nobody is perfect. Disappointments are going to come. Better the disappointments come when they're still under your roof and you have something you can do about the disappointments. Right? What better place for a child to come to understand than in a loving environment that you're providing? Let them make their mistakes. And again, we talked about this a little earlier, but as an example, again, we're not talking about letting them do something where they're going to get into harm's way. We don't want that for our kids. But let's say you notice that your son or your daughter, or both, are just not spending enough time with their studies. Now, you know your child. You know how much time they need on the books. Now, when I was growing up, because I'm rather thick, it takes me a while to learn something, so I had to hit the books and spend my time. My son, Brandon, never brought a book home from high school. I don't think I'm exaggerating too much. But he had the ability to sit in class and listen intently, and all he wanted was a B average. And so he graduated from high school with a straight B average. He didn't really apply himself. If he had applied himself, he could have done better, but he didn't want to. But, you know, I couldn't have done that. If I just sat in class and listened, I'd be a C or a D student, you know? I had to put my time in. But you watch your children, you know what they're capable of. And if you notice that they're kind of slacking on the studies, then the report card comes home. Ah! Where they were A and B student, they're all A's of the student, now they're bringing home the dreaded C, the C minus D. Ah! Father, thank you. You've delivered them into my hands. We have a little family get-together. We have a little discussion. Oh, you know that TV show you like watching? Bye-bye! You don't have that until those grades come up. So you allow them to make their mistakes. Don't you learn from your mistakes? I learned from mine most of the time. But if we don't let our children fail once in a while, they won't learn anything. We can't continually shelter our children, protect our children. There are certain things, again, with very specific guidelines, so we don't want to put themselves in harm's way. You know, Daddy, I'm going to go out tonight, we're riding with a biker gang. We're going to rob a couple banks. Oh, no you're not. Those aren't the kinds of things we're going to do.

Be aware, fathers, when your children have difficulties. We're talking about how they're not perfect, well, but they're going to make mistakes. Be aware when they're struggling. It's the best time in the world for you to go to them. They may not want to talk, but at least you're offering them the opportunity, the opportunity to talk.

So, providing a loving environment means realizing your children are perfect, never will be. You understand that? They understand that. Lastly, if we as dads want to provide a loving environment for our kids, we want to be positive role models. I've got to give you 15 or 20 more points, brother. This is a very large subject. I just wanted to hit some highlights here. But if we want to provide a loving environment, we want to be a positive role model. Let's go to John 13. John 13.

And verse 15. John 13.15.

For it says, For I have given you an example that you should do as I have done to you. My Bible, New King James, all red lettering, all the words of Christ. Christ says, I have given you my example. Follow my example. The guiding principle here is very simple to appreciate. We all need examples. We all need a pattern for our lives. As human beings, we look to patterns. We look to examples. As Christians, we've got Jesus Christ. But our little children, especially when they're young, they look to you and I. They look to you. So we need to lead by example. Your motto, my motto, should be, Do as I say and do as I do.

You don't want your kid to grow up to be a drunk. Don't abuse alcohol in your home. You don't want your kid to treat people with disrespect. Make sure your household is a household where respect is commonplace. It is what you do. You show respect for mother. You show respect for father. You show respect for your siblings.

And now we go full circle. We're talking about setting a right example as dads.

Treat the children's mother, your wife, with respect. Your children are watching you and your wife as role models. This is the way society is.

To them, they don't know anything better. All they know is what they see in mom and dad. So as mom and dad, you want to be a good role model. You want your kids to see how much you love your wife, how much you're going to help her out, how much you're going to take the load off of her, especially fellas. If your wife works outside of the home, we don't want to have this thing where husband's working 40 hours, wife's working 40 hours or more, wife comes home, the guy sits on a couch, wife is doing all the dishes, she's doing all the vacuuming, she's doing all the cleaning, and what does the husband do? He asks for a beer.

That does not set a good example to our kids. If your wife is working, to the degree she's working outside of the home, you do laundry, you do dishes, you do other things that are considered a woman's work. Not going to kill any of us as fellas. And our kids are going to see that. They're going to see that we help, we as dads help our wife out. We enjoy her company.

We love her. We praise her.

When our kids see that, they remember that. And they'll act accordingly. Certainly, fellas, there's a place as being a role model for us to admit our mistakes.

Admit our mistakes. Now, I'm not saying that you go up to your 7-year-old, sit them down, put your head in your hands, and then start telling them your most deep, dark secrets in life. You don't want to do that. But, let's say, as a number of people have, in this room who've told me, and I know I've struggled with at times, somebody cuts you off in traffic. You know, if you go sailing after their car with your car, you know, honking the horn the whole way, rolling that window down, shaking a fist at that person, after you get control of yourself, and you look in the backseat, and you see those little eyes looking upon you, you might say, you know, Dad lost control there, kids! He shouldn't have done that. He, you know, we shouldn't be doing that kind of thing. What does that do for you? Are you going to do much more of that when those little kids are in the backseat? No, you're going to watch yourself, because you don't want them to be taking off down the road, chasing somebody in their car, and acting that way. So that's an example of admitting your mistakes. You know, and again, we've got to watch how we do that. We don't want our children to lose all respect for us. On the other hand, we want our children to realize we're human, too. And if we can admit our mistakes, then they can come to us and admit theirs. And when they come to us and say, well, you know, I've got an issue, Dad, I think I really drink too much. Or I hate to tell you this, Dad, but I got involved in the wrong crowd, and I've got some substance issues. If we've shown that we are wise enough, brave enough, to admit our failings, then they may come to us. We certainly hope that they do that, because they need to do that. Brethren, fellows, a manly thing to do for you and I, a masculine thing for you and I to do, is shower our children with love and affection. That's what being a real dad is. We shower our children with love and affection. We are connected to them. We interface with them. We talk with them. We share their lives. Being a good role model means being connected enough to give your children hugs and kisses, not being detached. We're not Mr. Spock. If we are Mr. Spock, we've got to get out of there. We've got to get out of there. Now, we don't want to be like John Boehner and cry at the drop of a hat. If you watch him on TV news, he could be talking about how it's a nice day and then he breaks into tears. We don't want to be like that either. But we want to make sure our children know that we love them, that we enjoy them, that they're imperfect, and we want to be good role models for them. We want them to realize blessings from wanting, working, and waiting.

So, in three weeks' time, next week I'll be over in Windsor. Then after that I've got some other issues to talk about. Then we have our growing kids' guys' way. Then it's the mom's turn. We're going to talk to the ladies and what they all need to be doing.