The Nurturing Home Is Created by Nurturing Parents, Part 2

Over in the Ann Arbor congregation, we have been the last, well, a couple of sessions now with a program called Growing Kids God's Way, Reaching the Heart of Your Child with a God-Centered Purpose. Here's the book that they used. It's about 250 pages. I think we have 17 sessions total. It takes a great deal of effort for the couples who go.

The couples normally have children at home. Some of them are wanting to have children. Others are grandparents who come, and they want to maybe do a better job with their grandkids than they did with their own kids. But in any case, we're doing the Growing Kids God's Way. We had our first session on May 9th. On May 9th, they gave a sermon, especially to the dads, outlining what the dads should be doing in terms of fatherhood. You heard a little bit about that today from our sermonette man. But today, ladies, it is your turn. Now, I did notice on May 9th, when I was talking to the gentlemen, I noticed how many notes the ladies were taking and how many times the guys were getting poked in the ribs.

You'd better pay attention to what that man just said. Now, fair is fair! Fellas, take good notes here, because we're going to be talking to the love of your life here, and we've got some powerful things to say. In general, I would say this. I think, for the most part, we do a fine job here in Ann Arbor, in Detroit. But it never hurts to refresh ourselves with the pure Word of God in terms of the principles that God gives to us in raising our children. So, again, this is going to be dedicated more to the moms, grandmoms.

Maybe your children are grown and out of the house. Maybe they were simply grown. You're not a grandma yet. But you'd never stop being a parent. My son is 34. My daughter just turned 30. And, you know, there are times when I just love him. I always love him to pieces, but there are times that they get a little bit under my skin. And, of course, now, as I've told you on a number of occasions, I remember in North Carolina we had a man who was 90 years old. His son was 70. And there were times he'd come to church and say, oh, that son of mine.

Teenage is one thing. But when they say, oh, that's 70-year-old, then you know that you never stop being a parent. The family is a vital building block for our society. I want you to take careful note of what I just said. I said the family is a vital building block. Notice I didn't say family is the vital building block of society. And especially not the vital building block in our church. Let's take a look at Ephesians 2, verses 19-22. Let's take a look at the vital building block.

The vital building block. Ephesians 2, verses 19-22. Now therefore you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God. A very important family we're a part of. Having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief cornerstone. In whom the whole building, being joined together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord. In whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.

So the vital building block is Jesus Christ. God the Father, Jesus Christ. The writings that God the Father and Jesus Christ inspired that were put down by the apostles and the prophets. What you and I call the Bible. That is the vital building block. And that's what we wanted to center our attention on today as we talk about principles that moms need to be aware of. You might turn to Psalm 127 in verse 1.

Psalm 127 in verse 1. Again, we're looking at the vital building block. We see it's Jesus Christ being the chief cornerstone. Notice what it says here in Psalm 127, verse 1. It says, Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord guards the city, the washman stays awake in vain. So we can go through all sorts of principles. I can quote all sorts of pop psychology to you. I can quote to you all the different feelings of today and society today. So much of that would be nothing but hogwash.

But God's principles are eternal. God's principles are something that we can build on. And we're building on a solid foundation. We're not building upon sand. So, having said that, now that we understand that, we can talk about looking into the Scriptures and seeing what God has to say about family. Family as God defines that term. Today the courts are trying to define what the family is. I'm sure that will be an ongoing issue, state after state, and redefining what the definition of family is.

But we're not going to worry about what state after state does. We want to be concerned about what God says and build our life on that. So, under God the Father and Jesus Christ, we have the parents. Let's take a look at Ephesians 6 and verse 4.

Ephesians 6 and verse 4.

Now, this verse explicitly talks to the dads, but this verse also very much in principle deals with the moms. Ephesians 6 and verse 4. There is a principle we're going to see in this verse that really is going to carry us through the balance of the remainder of the sermon today. Ephesians 6 and verse 4.

Bring them up. Let's highlight that phrase in the Greek. What that means is to nourish up to maturity. To nurture up to maturity. So, it is the duty of moms and dads to nourish up, to nurture up our children. But it also says something else. We want to build principle upon principle here. So, we're doing this nourishing and nurturing to maturity, but it says also there's a training involved.

Training. The word there means discipline. There are certain disciplines that have to be set in motion by moms and dads so that the children are properly brought up. Then lastly it says, and the admonition. I want to key down that word. The admonition of the Lord. In the original it means putting them in mind of God's truth. Put them in mind of God's truth. So, when you put this whole phrase together, we want to bring them up or nourish them or nurture them to maturity. In a disciplined way, keeping the children in mind of God's word and God's principles. You see, brethren, that's timeless. It's not like, so, well, okay, what did Dr.

Spock write last? We don't care what Dr. Spock wrote. We want to know what Jesus Christ wrote. We want to know what God said. So, the focus, what we see here in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, the focus, and it was the focus that we saw as we spoke to the men, to the fathers. Same thing for the ladies. The focus here is on having a home that's a nurturing environment.

Ladies, what is your responsibility? We talked to the dads what their responsibility is, but ladies, what is your responsibility to bring forward a nurturing environment for your children? Even if they're grown out of the house, they still watch you. They still watch mom, because mom, you know, if dad is the head of the house, mom is the heart of the house. How many times have you seen war movies, or you've heard people talk about battle, hardened men, taking others' lives, soldiers, but sometimes they lay dying in the field, and they know their days are coming to an end.

Who do they cry out for so many times? They cry out for their mother. There's a special bond that mothers have with their children, and that can't be duplicated by anybody else. It's a very special bond.

So today, if you're taking notes, you want to write something across the top of your paper, it would be this. The nurturing home is created by nurturing mothers. It's the counterpart to what I said on May 9th. May 9th, I said that nurturing home is created by nurturing dads. Moms and dads working together to create a nurturing environment.

Let's take a look at the power of motherhood. You know, today, some mothers, I think, feel, you know, somebody walks up to you, maybe a friend that you used to go to college with or high school with, maybe you've been kind of a stay-at-home mom, and they say, well, what do you do? Are you in the boardroom someplace? What spectacular things have you done? Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom. Maybe people put their head down, a stay-at-home mom.

Don't you dare do that! Moms are one of the greatest things, one of the greatest occupations. And we'll talk more about this. I've got a really juicy quote about this, about how one lady answered that.

That will come later on in the sermon. But let's take a look at the power of motherhood for a moment. Marjorie P. Hinckley said this, Isn't that true? Now, unfortunately, there may be somebody in this room who didn't have a good mom. I'm talking in general principles here. I can't qualify every statement I make. I think you can appreciate that, just like the Bible doesn't qualify every statement it makes.

But mothers in general, I have an endow with a love that is unlike any other love that we face on the earth. That's very true. I owe a lot of who and what I am to my mom. And when she was raising me, she had no clue about the truth of God. We are so advantaged that you and I can open this book, and we know the principles here, we come to Sabbath services, we study, we digest what the principles that are in here.

My mom didn't know any of that, but she was a loving person. I grew up in a home where I wasn't confused about much of anything in terms of who I was, where I was going in life. Because I had a sense of purpose. My mother gave that to me. She taught me right from wrong.

She helped develop a conscience in me. Maybe too strong of a conscience. As I said a couple of weeks ago, there were times when my mother knew that if I had done wrong, it would eventually eat on me so bad that I would start confessing. Maybe I would start confessing to things I hadn't done because I was in the mood to confess.

But moms have that great power. Julie Beck wrote this. There is no limit to what a mother can accomplish. Righteous women have changed the course of history and will continue to do so. Righteous women have changed the course of history and will continue to do so. And of course, that means you and the children you're raising and the fact that they are going to walk from this age into a brand new age.

They're going to be the page-setters for the world tomorrow, the kingdom of God, a whole new kind of way of living. And they're the vanguard right now. Talking about righteous women changing the course of history, here's a quote from Abraham Lincoln. Abraham Lincoln said this. All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother. All that I am or ever hope to be I owe to my angel mother. Obviously, he felt she was a righteous woman.

And I think we can appreciate the fact that this country stands as a United States of America because of what God did. But God obviously used Abraham Lincoln as a powerful tool in those days. Now, last time we were together, I gave the dads some advice. I'm going to give the other side of the coin right now. Last time we were together, I said, one of the greatest gifts that a father can give his children is to properly love and honor their mother.

It's one of the greatest gifts a father can give his children is to show the proper love and honor for their mom. Let's take the other side of the coin. One of the greatest gifts a mother can give her children is to properly respect their dad. Properly respect their father. Now, we're taking as an assumption that I'm talking to a group of believers here. I'm talking to a group of people who are converted here. I'm not talking to an audience in the world. So I appreciate the fact that we should appreciate the fact of where I'm coming from with this message.

Contrary to popular opinion, ladies, the most important characteristic of a godly mother, after talking about her love for God, serving God, worshiping God, we're going to take that for granted, the contrary to popular opinion, the most important characteristic of a godly mother is her relationship not with her children, but with her husband. With her husband. Because as was said in the sermonette, those little eyes are watching mom and dad. They're learning all that they can learn about the marital relationship, the home relationship. You may not think they're paying attention.

They're paying attention to everything. By watching the way moms you interact with your husband, their father, what are they learning? Well, if we're good moms, here's what they're learning. They're learning how to properly love. They're learning the concept of self-sacrifice. They're learning integrity. They're learning virtue. They're learning empathy. They're learning compassion. They're learning understanding. They're learning forgiveness. Because you as a converted mom, as a believer, that's what you're modeling before them as you interact with your husband. So your children are watching you all the time.

I don't care if they're two years old or 20 years old. They are watching you at all times. And if we don't do the right things, they're still watching. They're still learning. And if we're not doing the right things, they're learning all the wrong things. Is there a reason, brethren, we have such a disrespectful authority in our country these days? Is it because today when you watch TV... Back when I was growing up, there was a TV show called Potter Knows Best.

You can have a TV show like that today. No, you've got Simpsons and all these other things where dad is some chump. He doesn't know what he's doing. The person who knows what they're doing is a 10-year-old kid. Oh, there's where the wisdom resides, a 10-year-old kid. And so there's a disrespect for fatherhood, and there's a disrespect in society. You've got people today... We've had our sheriff unrest the last several months in this country. But you've got people today who said, Well, the solution! Get rid of all the police forces. Now, are you kidding me? Get rid of all the police forces?

Get rid of something that's standing out... Are all the police proper? Do they do everything right? No. But do all the people in the communities that they serve, do they do everything right? Are there issues they need to work on? Besides the police, yes. One of the greatest needs that the man has in marriage is respect, ladies.

And again, that's not just me speaking. That's what God has to say. Let's take a look at Ephesians 5. We don't want to base the sermon on what Randy Delosandro says. Let's take a base on what God says. Ephesians 5, talking about marriage. If you want to give your kids the greatest gift you can give them, moms, respect your husband.

Respect their father. Ephesians 5, verse 33, Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his wife as himself. That's to the guys. The women, our wives, the mothers, they need all the love we can give them. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. Respects her husband. Now, ladies, let's put a little bit of meat on the bones there. What do you do? Let me give you some pointers as to how you can more respect your husband. And of course, we're not saying that any husband is perfect.

No more than we're saying any wife is perfect. We don't say, well, I'm only going to love my wife so much because she's imperfect. And we're not going to say, well, I'm not going to respect my husband because he's imperfect. Well, we all have feet at play, don't we? Before we get into this, let's look at Galatians 5. We're in the general vicinity here. Galatians 5. Here we've got the fruits of the flesh and the fruits of the spirit. How come we as moms set a good example in respecting our husbands?

And of course, that respect trickles on down to the kids. Here in Galatians 5.22. But the fruit of the spirit is love and joy and peace and long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. Verse 23. Gentleness and self-control. Now, let's pause here on verse 23. Gentleness and self-control. Ladies, one of the ways that you can be more respectful, and perhaps you're already, I'm sure you're already doing this, but just as a reiteration.

Develop self-control when you need to respond to your husband. Self-control in terms of the response. Respond to your husband. Don't react to your husband. You are a converted believer in God. You want to communicate with your husband as it says here in verse 23. Under self-control, and if you don't understand some things, you ask questions with a gentle nature. With a gentle nature. You don't want to argue, you don't want to scream, you don't want to yell, because your children are ever watching and listening. Verse 22 talks about kindness.

There's a practical way, ladies, that we can show respect for our husband, and that is through practicing acts of kindness. Let's say your husband has been working long hours, he normally comes home and does the lawn, but because he's been working a lot of long hours, he comes home, he's really tired, beat.

Go ahead, jump in there. You can run a lawnmower, whether it be a riding mower or any kind of... you can go in there and do that. What does that teach the children? Hey, Dad's really hurting, so Mom jumped in and did an act of kindness for Dad. If you want your children to grow up to be kind, if you want your children to grow up to be thoughtful adults, then we have to be kind, and we have to be thoughtful, and we need to allow our children to see those actions. Colossians 4 and verse 6 shows something else. We can be doing the show with more respect to our husbands. Colossians 4 and verse 6.

It says, Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one. Now, of course, when you look at the context of the preceding verses talking about how we walk toward those who are on the outside. But, brother, this is a principle inside the church, outside the church. It's always true. We want our speech to be seasoned with grace.

Choose words of respect. How many times have I stood there in homes when sometimes it's been the husband, sometimes it's been the wife, but just really strident, discordant words, arguing, fighting. I went into one home once where the husband, as in one corner of the room, when the wife was in another corner of the room and they were throwing stuff at one another. I was glad I wasn't sitting in the middle of that room. Choose words of respect. Because as you do that, your children realize, you know, dad's not perfect. But notice how mom treats dad. Notice the respect that she gives him. And, of course, your children will then hopefully do the same thing when it's time for them to get married. Another principle is found over here in Philippians 4, verse 8. It's turned there. Philippians 4, verse 8. This was a subject I used for a message I gave, I don't know, several months ago. Back then I was talking about how we can have better communication on the Sabbath, how you and I can have better spiritual conversation. A number of people over the years have told me here in Detroit or in Ann Arbor that they hear messages, they really feel hit them, impact them, but then after services people don't talk about what we heard in the sermon, or the sermon. And so we went through Philippians chapter 4, verse 8. Let's read this. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, noble, just, pure, whatsoever things are lovely, of good report. If there's any virtue, if there's anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. And in that sermon I said, okay, so we want to meditate on these positive things. We want these things to be a part of our hearts. Why do we want them to be a part of our heart? Because as they are a part of our heart, what does the Bible say? Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And so, ladies, one of the ways you can show more respect for your husbands is to remember why you married your husband in the first place. Now, we're not talking about, well, he was really a flashy dancer, or, you know, he gave big tips. I'm talking about things of substance. Why did you marry your husband in the first place? Ask God to... meditate on that. Nothing wrong with meditating on your husband or meditating on your wife. Meditate on that point. And then make it a point to let your husband know, you know, I really appreciate this about you. I really think you set a good example for me, for the kids, on that particular point.

Now, in any relationship that we're talking about, like husbands and wife, that relationship, we want to show respect. Another way we can do it, when your husband makes a mistake, maybe a big mistake, extend grace to your husband. Extend grace to him. You want grace extended to you by Jesus Christ. You want grace extended to you by God our Father. Make the decision that you're going to give him grace just as God does to you. And you want him to give you grace when you make mistakes.

Lastly, ladies, in terms of showing respect for your husband, allow your husband to be in charge of the home. Allow your husband to be in charge of the home.

Trust God. Have faith in God. Pray that you and your husband will be of one mind on the various decisions you need to make. You both want to respect God and the Bible, the words that are there.

But we must allow the man to be the head of the household. It doesn't mean he's always going to make the right decision. That's why God calls it submission, right? He doesn't say agreement. There's going to be time when you'll vociferously disagree with what he has to say. And you might even be right. You might be right. Not even. You might be right. You'll be right. But God still has made him the one who's in charge. Let's take a look at Philippians chapter 5 for a moment. Not Philippians. Ephesians chapter 5. Dealing with marriage. Ephesians chapter 5 verse 21. Where it says, submit to one another in the fear of God. Now, fellows, this means that not only do the ladies submit, we submit. We have to be of the mind. We realize there are things in the household where they should make the decisions.

And as I've said on so many occasions, heaven help me if I made the decisions about what paint we would use, or what coloring or furnishings we would use in a house, it would look like a prison. It would look like some sort of military barracks. And so when it comes to those sorts of things, what kind of dishes we're going to buy, other things, that's my wife's responsibility. I delegate that to her. But then it says verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.

Now, as we've said on so many occasions, I feel I need to qualify, but we can't keep on doing that. We're not talking about submitting to abuse or anything like that. We're talking about other issues where you're making a decision, well, should we buy a car, not buy a car? Well, the final say so on that is, you give your input, and that's up to your husband. That's submitting.

Okay, so the first thing we want to know, ladies, if we're going to be a nurturing mom, is, number one, to respect our husband. Respect our children's father. Now, let's move into the second half of the sermon. How can you mothers provide a loving environment for your children? What are some things that you can do? We talked to the dads several weeks ago about what they can do. Moms, what can you do to provide a loving environment for your children? Let's begin with the principle found here in 1 Timothy 5 and verse 8. 1 Timothy 5 and verse 8.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he is denied of faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Now, I read that same verse when I was talking to the fellows, because it's equally true for both the fathers and the mothers. We have to provide for our household. Christian mothers must never underestimate their calling. It is such a valuable calling. It's so difficult today, it's so challenging today to be a mom, because of what's taking place in our society. Remember, as the dad is the head of the household, you are the heart of the household. So let's go into some specifics here. How can you as mothers provide the proper environment? One of the first things I see here is that we need to tenderly nurture our children. Tenderly nurture them. There's a scripture here in 1 Thessalonians, a tremendous principle here in 1 Thessalonians 2 and verse 7.

Paul says to those in the church in Thessalonica, But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. As a nursing mother cherishes. I want to take a look and put it under that word, that word, cherish, under a microscope. What does the original refer to? Well, you know, brethren, as I have sent out of the Midweek Bible study, the people who lived in Bible times, especially the Jews, very much thought in terms of word pictures. You and I today, when we think about language, we think about defining each word. But that's not the way the Jews did it back in these days. It was Paul who was a very good friend of Paul's. But that's not the way the Jews did it back in these days. It was Paul who was an Israelite. When he was writing, he was thinking in terms of word pictures. The word cherish here is an interesting...if you go to the Vines Expository Dictionary of Words, there's an intro...under that particular word, cherish, in this verse. There's a word picture here. And you know what the word picture is? The word picture is a mother bird, and the mother bird is putting her wings around her young to warm her young.

She's protecting them, she's nurturing them, she's there for them, she's warming them, she's cherishing them. That's what we want to do for our children. Other definitions of the word and other lexicons would say the word cherish means to bestow great care upon. These are our little kids. They could be 15, 16, 18, they could be 35, but they're our children.

We still great care on them. The idea is to support them, to feed them. Not just to feed them in terms of three square meals a day, but we want to feed their souls. We want to feed their heart, we want to feed their mind, we want to feed the inner person. So this is one of the ways we do this. We nurture the children this way. We show them that tender love, and mothers can be so great at doing that.

There's something about the tenderness that the mother has. The dads, we don't get there. We try, and sometimes we're tender, but not in the same way that moms are. Moms need to provide an environment of constant verbal encouragement. Today our children are beaten down in so many different ways. We need to provide an environment of a steady verbal encouragement, verbal support.

We give them freedom to fail. Now we've got to be careful with that. We don't want them to fail in such a way that they're going to hurt themselves. But as an example, let's say you've got a young person there at home, and they've made a decision that they're not going to study They're used to getting pretty much As and Bs. They make the A-B on a roll at school. But whatever the reason, now they want to watch a little more TV or something, and so you kind of stand back. You really don't like that idea, but you want them to learn a lesson. And so maybe for one marking period, they don't study as much. And then the report card comes out. Instead of the A-B, now they're more A-B-C. And so there's a teaching opportunity. We sit down with our young person and say, well, you made a decision. Was that a good decision? Is that the result you wanted? No, I really wanted to be on that A-B honor roll the whole time. Well, you're not on it now, right? What did we do? Well, I didn't really study. I didn't really work like I should have. Of course, at that point, you've given them the freedom to fail, if you want to call that a failure. But you're also a safe haven. You sit down with them. You discuss the issue. You show them the right way. You show them you still love them. You still accept them. You're there for them. You show them a great deal of love and affection, support.

But we have to, you know, godly mothers invest in their children. And ladies, we want to invest in our children. Invest in all the right ways. We think about investing in gold or silver. Investing in our children is the best investment we will ever make. People today, well, I manage this place, or I'm chairman of this board.

And yet, we in God's Church have the opportunity of investing in our children to the place where someday they may rule over planets.

Mary, the mother of Jesus, in Luke 2, verse 19, I'm not going to turn now. I'll read this in the God's Word translation. It says, But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. She treasured the things that her son Jesus had been saying. She treasured those. She treasured her children. She tenderly nurtured them. What's another thing we can do, ladies, mothers, grandmothers? What's another thing we can do to provide that proper, loving environment? Another thing we can do is to recognize that our children are a great gift. Not every woman has children. If you've got a child that's come out of your body, you have been so blessed by God. So blessed by God. Genesis 4, verse 1. Genesis 4, verse 1. Now Adam knew Eve as wife, and she conceived in Borkan, and she said, I have acquired a man from the Lord. From the Lord. Every time a woman becomes pregnant, it's because God has been involved in that situation, in terms of the pregnancy starting. Along those lines, those specific lines. God has allowed the human body to work in such a beautiful way. Now we want to get pregnant, you know, the right way when we're married, in marriage and so forth. I can't keep on qualifying all these statements, but done properly, when a woman is properly, she's pregnant, she's married, and all those good things, it is such a blessing. Such a tremendous blessing. Psalm 127, verse 3. I'm not going to turn there. I'll read this for you. Psalm 127, verse 3. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb is a reward. A reward. It's a blessing. And we either view it as such and view them, or let our kids know we view them as such.

So recognize that our children are a great gift. Another thing, moms, we can do to provide the proper nurturing atmosphere at home is instruct our kids in God's way of life. Don't be ashamed of that. You know, Mary continually will come home and tell me what the people at work are doing are saying. What's happening in their life. What their pastors are saying and so forth. And the various things. Well, we pray to the saints. We pray to this particular saint. Oh, you're praying to a saint. Yeah, and over there at this particular place in Europe, they've got a kneecap of this old saint. Oh, you've got a kneecap? And they say, we're weird? You know? They've got this guy's kneecap and they're going to be praying to this kneecap? I mean, you know, please. Proverbs chapter 1 verse 8.

Proverbs chapter 1 and verse 8. You know, there are plenty of times, brethren, where God's people were very few in number.

You know, the days of Noah, how many people got into that ark? Eight people.

So just because we're not numerically, you know, we're not the biggest church in the world, has no meaning at all. Proverbs chapter 1 and verse 8. My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother. The law of your mother. Proverbs chapter 6 and verse 20. I'm going to read this to you out of God's word translation. Proverbs 6, 20. It says, My son, obey the commandment of your father, and do not disregard the teachings of your mother. Don't disregard the teachings of your mother.

A believing mother. A converted mother. A mother who has been touched by God, whose heart and mind has been opened to the truth of God, and she's a woman of faith.

You know, King Lemuel, in Proverbs chapter 31, he talked about how his mother, it was his mother who taught him about how to recognize a good wife. Right? King Lemuel in Proverbs 31. We talked about the Proverbs 31 woman. Well, who taught him that? His mom said, now here's the kind of lady you're looking for. And, you know, a long list of character traits. A long list of character traits.

Next up on the list, ladies, and this one may be a little more difficult for some than others, if we want to provide a loving environment for our kids, we've got to discipline our kids. We have got to discipline our children. I think one of the problems we've got in our society today is we've got a whole bunch of people who, for whatever the reason, don't believe in discipline of any nature.

I'm not saying every parent's got to spank the bailouts out of their son or daughter. Different things work for some people, some children, other things for others. But, let me just read Proverbs here to you. Proverbs 29 verse 15. Proverbs 29 verse 15. The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. We need to make sure that's not true in our life. Mothers who tolerate their children, disrespecting, disobeying them, God's not going to bless them. And we want God to make sure He's blessing us. We've got to be willing participants, realizing discipline is necessary. And, Brethren, let me be really clear about something. It's not my job to discipline your kid or kids. It's not the church's job. It's not the school's job. How many times have I heard and watched out in the news where some kid gets in deep trouble and the parent says, Well, I took him to school! What did they teach my son in school? That son should have known a lot of things before he ever went into the doorway of that school. That's mom's responsibility. That's dad's responsibility. It's grandparent's responsibility. Certainly, we would hope the teachers would augment that, but today we're not giving that, are we? Today, you teach your children good, godly principles. They go into a school classroom. And I'm really glad that so many of our people now are rearing their children at home. When parents who have kids who are in a public school system, they say, Well, my son, he brought home a homework assignment. In his homework assignment, he had to write down all the good reasons why you can have two dads or two moms, and why that's such a good lifestyle.

When I hear things like that, two different ways my mind goes. Boiling hot anger and tremendous melancholy. When I think of where our nation was founded on and where we're at now, we have to be willing to discipline our children. The church will, you know, I will be a spiritual advisor, I will be a friend, but it's your job to discipline your child as needed. So let me just go through this a little bit here. Talking about discipline, realize each child is unique. Each child is unique. Some children really will respond to spanking, others won't. Some respond to, you take away their privileges. You have to take a look at each of the children under your care, each of your kids, and you have to realize that each individual is different. You respond to each one according to what's going to be successful. But parents realize something. And I made this point, it was almost an afterthought, but I made this point, and several came up after services, and a couple came up after services, and said, I never really thought of it that way. If you and I are improperly disciplining our children, our children have a hard time coming into God's church. You know why? Because if we don't properly discipline our children, there's a whole host of things that children learn when we're disciplining them. A conscience is developed.

They begin to understand what sin is. Now, we're not saying our kids sin, but they'll break rules. They'll be the household. And then we teach them, well, just as we have the rules in this household, God's got rules, too. They're called the Ten Commandments. But if a child's not taught those things, then they realize, well, you know, what's wrong? I'm not doing anything wrong. My conscience doesn't hurt. So they don't understand a conscience, they don't understand sin. They certainly don't understand repentance. If we're not disciplining them, they're not understanding repentance. They're not understanding a life of righteousness. So there's a whole host of things we have to get across to our children as we're disciplining them. So you want to realize each child is unique. As we heard in today's sermonette, we want to be consistent with our children. Put yourself in your kid's shoes. When you go to work and your boss praises you for doing X, Y, and Z, and then the next time you come into work, you've done X, Y, and Z, and your boss says, you know, that just wasn't quite right, was it? You're thinking, what? Just yesterday you said it was okay. If your boss is inconsistent, it's frustrating to you, it's upsetting to you, you don't know which way to turn, and the same thing is true with our kids. We have to be the model of consistency time and again. Our children need to know what to expect from Mom, what to expect from Dad. In addition to what I've just said, we need to, as parents, stay calm and in control. I grew up in a neighborhood where there were plenty of ethnic types. You know, our family was Italian, next door we had another ethnic type, and you could hear the yelling four and five doors down. The mother, I often thought, you know, as a kid, I'm going to go over there and see Mrs. What's Her Name, and her lungs are going to be outside of her body. I mean, such yelling, such screaming, all the time, I mean, bless her heart, man, she had two good lungs, she knew how to use those. But God gave you, as moms and dads, the authority. You don't have to prove that to anybody. God gave that to you. God's given us the authority. We don't have to lose our temper. We don't have to yell. We don't have to scream. We don't have to... We do that. We've lost. We want to remain calm. And we want to remain in control.

You know, if... Again, I saw this in the neighborhood growing up. Now, my folks were pretty good disciplinarians, but I remember growing up seeing some of the kids in the neighborhood, Johnny! Time to come home! Stop playing! Well, the mom had to scream that out, like, five times. And after a while, the kids realized, hey, mom's only on number one. You know, I've got plenty of time here! Mom screams out the second time, hey, well, we'll push it here. The fourth time, the fifth time.

So what's... When we do that, we're teaching our kids. We're teaching our kids they could take advantage of us. We're teaching our kids that they're in control. We don't want to do that. You are to stay calm. You are to stay in control. You are the parent, not the kids. And, brethren, lastly, when it comes to discipline, we have a positive attitude toward it. Now, when I say have a positive attitude, that doesn't mean that we are at home gleefully saying, boy, wait till that little one makes their mistake. I'm going to be on them right now. We're not sitting there just waiting for them to make a mistake, gleeful so that we can discipline them.

We want to have the attitude toward discipline much like people who like to work out. They go to the gym, or they put on their jogging stuff or their running stuff. They go out and they do their running. And they maybe hate it. They hate pushing their body. They hate how they feel. They hate the sweat and all that stuff. But they realize by being disciplined that they're going to be having a more healthy life. They're going to be stronger people. And so eventually they realize, you know, discipline, although maybe unpleasant at the time, it serves a very good purpose. Now, isn't that what God says over there in Hebrews? Let's go to the Hebrews. This wasn't in my notes. I think it's in Hebrews 5. Hebrews 5.

Let's start here in verse 12. Hebrews 12. Oh, yes. I'm sorry. It's Hebrews 12. Verse 8. Hebrews 12. Verse 8. But if you are without chastening, of which all have been become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. God says there is a need for discipline. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who have corrected us, and we paid them respect. No idea respecting that. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they, the physical fathers, indeed for a few days, chasteneth us and seem best to them, but God, for our prophet, that we be takers of His holiness. Now, no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful. Nevertheless, afterwards, it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

That's what we want. We want the end result. We're disciplining our children because we want them to be good people. Law-abiding, good citizens who hopefully someday will come into God's church. Okay, ladies. Lastly, just as I use this section to conclude with the men, I'm going to use the same kind of thought to conclude with you, ladies. What can we do, lastly, to provide a loving environment for our kids? Ladies, we need to be a positive role model. Be a positive role model. As a mom, be a whole person. Your children want to see a person. Healthy parenting begins with healthy parents. I'm not just talking about physically. I'm talking about mentally and emotionally. If we want to be healthy parents, we've got to be healthy ourselves. A godly mother is not one-dimensional. God wants us to be like Him. Our God is multi-dimensional. We need to be growing to be multi-dimensional. Get out there. Make sure that you've got a valid library card. Go do reading. If you've got the Internet, get and read widely on a variety of subjects. Allow your children to realize that mom's a person who's got a great brain, and she thinks, well, I want to confide in her. I want to get her wisdom. I want to get her counsel. She may have a degree, she doesn't have a degree, but she is self-taught. She knows all these various things. She's very well-read. Prior to having the Internet, I used to try to read two books a month. When you're a pastor and you're up here and you've got to get material back in the old days when you were giving an hour sermon, week after week after week, as I've said to you, the Sabbath is relentless. It comes every seven days. If you've ever tried to put together a sermon and all that you've got to say in an hour, that's a lot of stuff. Unless you've got material coming into the brain, there's nothing coming out. No input, no output. For years, I've tried to read a couple of books a month. I don't do that anymore. What I do is I get on the Internet and there's all sorts of articles to read, this to read, that to read, various things to read. And I try to read as widely as I can because I know it's up to me as your pastor to give you a balanced diet. I may like this or that in the Bible, but I've got to give you the whole, the wide variety of things, which means I've got to be reading a lot. Ladies, mothers, be the whole person.

Another way that we can be a role model is, and this is where this quote comes in, I think it's so juicy, a godly mother understands and accepts her role. Forget what society says. Don't look down because you're a stay-at-home mom. That's something to be treasured.

There is a preacher by the name of Tony Campolo. His wife used to be asked because she was a stay-at-home mom at one point in her life until her children were grown. And, well, what does it you do? And people just kind of look down and know, what do you do? Well, I'm a stay-at-home mom. Then she said, that's weak. I don't want to say that. Here's how she amended this. When people looking down and know, saying, what do you do? You're a stay-at-home mom. She said, I am socializing two homo sapiens into the dominant values of the Judeo-Christian tradition in order they might be instruments for the transformation of this social order into the utopia that God willed from the very beginning of creation. Then she would look at them and say, what do you do? Well, I hang bumpers on fords. You know, I'm just helping change the universe. My children are going to be a forcely reckon within a world of marrow. Well, what do you do? Oh, well, you know, I put the little screws in the cars that come.

So, it's a matter of perspective, ladies. What you do means a great, great deal. A godly mother models real spirituality. If there's something the kids see, they see a phony. They see if mom comes to services and she all smiles and she opens up her Bible and she says all the rights, Bibles speak, but then at home she never opens the Bible, she never listens to a sermon, she never does any study. And the kid's going to realize, you know, mom, mom's not really with the program. No. We want to model good spiritual behavior. We've got to let the kids know what's what.

When I was in North Carolina, I was the assistant pastor for a number of years. I wasn't made a pastor until I moved out of state into Tennessee. But North Carolina, the guy who was my boss, you know, we worked together, he was training me. He one time said to my son, I said, Brandon, what does your dad do for a living? And Brandon at that time was probably about three, three and a half, maybe four years old. Brandon looked at him and said, Bibble Diddy. Bible study. Bible study. Because my son realized I was hitting the book pretty hard to make sure, because this is back in the days, again, before the internet, you know, you didn't have all these wonderful Bible helps. You had to go to the library and dig all this stuff up. It was, it took all sorts of time. You know, it was you and your strong sin cordons and off you went. But my son knew that I did Bibble Diddy.

What does your son or daughter think you do when it comes to this way of life?

Lastly, ladies, as a role model, we want to view ourselves as finished carpenters. You know, we've got this beautiful chest of drawers. It's got the basic workings there, but we're going to add all the nice little things to it. And it's going to make it look really pretty. Somebody, one of the ladies in the Ann Arbor congregation sent me a video. Now that I've sent out a couple videos, people think I want to see all the videos in the world. And so this lady sent me this video, and it was a desk that was made by some German back in the 1600s. It was just a two-minute video. I probably should have, the guys I think would have enjoyed it. Beautiful woodwork, just gorgeous woodwork. But you would take something you thought was a piece of molding, you move it to the side, there was a keyhole. And you would open the key, and then something would expand. It was like something from National Treasure, if you've ever seen that movie. You know, every time you move something, there would be a new keyhole, and you'd open this, and then something else. From an easel to hidden drawers, hidden compartments, and everything was just exquisite woodwork. Just exquisite, beautiful piece of furniture. But it had all these mechanisms inside. Again, this was done back in the 1600s, I believe. But that's what we're working with. We're not working with pieces of wood. We're working with our flesh-and-blood kids. They look like you. They look like their dad. They're precious. They're beautiful. And you know what? They may not say it, but they're looking to you. They're looking to me. To be the person we need to be for them. So, brother, this is going to conclude Part 1 and Part 2 about being moms and dads and providing a nurturing whole environment. As we continue on with the Growing Kids Gods, I'm sure I'll bring other messages that are relevant to the subject.