Two Key Principles for Marriage and Childrearing

One of the greatest truths that I certainly discovered in the church, and all of you have as well, which I didn't know about, is the truth that God is a family. And right now it's God the Father and Jesus Christ, but they want to have many children in the future. That's the purpose of having created us. And yet, the world doesn't understand God as the family concept. And yet, it's all through the Bible. I don't want to concentrate on just that point, but let's go to just one scripture that got my attention. Ephesians chapter 3. And notice what Paul says, how he kneels before God in praise when he understood this principle in Ephesians chapter 3. It says here, verse 14, And so he certainly bows his knees and gives praise because he understands about the family. And God is creating a spiritual family. He created us physical, but he wants one day to create us as spirit beings, to share in the family with God the Father and Jesus Christ. And in the end times, God warns us about what's going to happen to the family. And we are, we believe, in this period of the end times, we see the evidence all around us, how things are deteriorating and degenerating. And we have a lot of statistics for that. Notice what it tells us in Malachi chapter 4.

This is a warning that God gives to the entire world before he intervenes. In Malachi chapter 4, this is the last chapter in the Old Testament that we have in our Bibles. It says, verse 1, For behold, a day is coming, burning like an oven, and all the proud, yes, all who do wickedly, will be stubble, and the day which is coming shall burn them up, says the Lord, that will leave them neither root nor branch, but to you who fear His name, the Son of Righteousness shall arise with healing in His wings, and you shall go out and grow fat like stall-fed calves. Another translation, God's Word. You will go out and leap like calves, let out of a stall the happiness that will take place at that time.

You shall trample the wicked, for they shall be ashes under the soles of your feet on the day that I do this, as the Lord of hosts. And then He tells the whole world, verse 4, So He says, this is where the truth is. It's in God's Word. It's in God's laws. He says, Behold, I will send you, Elijah the prophet, before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. Before Christ returns, there is going to be this work of Elijah. And that is going on today, and it's still not in its last stage. We still have two witnesses to come that will warn the world.

And it talks about that work of Elijah, that He will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest they come and strike the earth with a curse. And so if God sees that deterioration of the family and marriage, He gets to the point where there isn't a nucleus in the family that's working. If everything is degenerating in the family, He's going to curse the world.

So I'd like to read to you a statistic about what is the state of the family. This was from the Pew Research poll about modern American life, September 14, 2023. In other words, just a little over two years ago that it was taken, this is what they found about the American society. It says, in 1970, 67 of Americans aged 25 to 49 were living with their spouses and one or more children younger than 18. So basically two-thirds of this population were married with children living together. Over the past five decades, that share has dropped to 37 percent. So from being a majority of two-thirds, now basically it's a minority of one-third, which means two-thirds of people from 25 to 49, no longer living with a spouse or with children. It says, with this, the drop in the share of adults living with a spouse and children, there has been an increase in other types of family living arrangements, like unmarried adults raising children. A recent survey finds that the U.S. public is more accepting of some family types than others. And broadly speaking, Americans are more pessimistic than optimistic about the future of the institution of marriage and the family. They don't like what they see. So much failure. And still approximately about half of marriages end in divorce.

In 2015, it goes on to say same-sex marriages, this means homosexual marriages, became legal nationally. And since then, there has also been an increase in the proportion of Americans in same-sex marriages. In 2021, there were over 700,000 same-sex married couples in the United States and 500,000 that didn't marry but were living like spouses. So that's 1.2 million people.

The relationship between marriage and parenthood has also shifted as more women are having children without being married. Taken together, these changes help explain why married couples raising children together is no longer the norm. So traditional marriages are now the minority. In 1950, married couples made up 78% of all American households. This figure has steadily declined over several decades, falling below 50%. Now it's 47%. The traditional marriage. It's a minority. And of course, because of all this, we're going to have much more violence, rage, disobedience, theft, delinquency. These are part of the effects. I don't want to dwell on that, but just show you the seriousness of the situation that we like the frog in the pot, slowly raising the temperature, and you're slowly becoming more and more tolerant and acceptable because that's the way society is around us. God has shown us the right way to live, and so I want to share two key biblical principles for marriage and child rearing. We need to know it, apply it as you can, and share it with others. So the first point is very simple. Basically, from Genesis to Revelation, it's the key biblical principle about our lives, and that is putting God first in your life. Putting God first in your life. Jesus Christ mentioned in Matthew 6, verse 32.

Verse 32, it says, For after all these things the Gentiles seek material things it's talking about. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things, all the physical needs, but seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. So putting that coming kingdom of God first in your life, preparing for it in this present life, and God's righteousness, which is the way God does things. It's applying these principles. And so this is the first key principle for marriage and child rearing. You want to reary children properly? Put God first. You want to have a happy marriage? Put God first.

Notice in Matthew 22, in verse 38, Well, let's start in verse 36. It says, So that's the first thing. It's interesting, people. Look after. They want the goal of riches or fame or good health or so many things. And yet, most of them don't attain that happiness. And yet, it's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It's not. It is not. It's not. And yet, if you put God first, and you follow what it says here, love Him, obey Him, submit to Him, The happiness will come from God. It won't come from physical things. That's what's satisfying. When God does it, it's not something that you directly have sought. But because you put God first and His righteousness, all these other things come. And they don't come with a curse of having to get involved with all kinds of dealings and things. No, you just do this and you'll see how God will be there with you. Now, there's a part, of course, we've got to have education. We have to prepare ourselves. Money is not going to fall from heaven. But it's interesting that if you did not put all of that money and wealth and houses and everything you want in the future. If you don't put that first, you put God first, then He will bring things to you. Notice in Matthew 21 and verse 28, the parable of the two sons shows the right attitude. It says, but what do you think? A man had two sons and he came to the first and said, son, go work today in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not. But afterward he regretted it and went. Then he came to the second and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir. But he did not go. Which of the two did the will of the Father? They said to him, the first. Jesus said to them, and surely I say to you that tax collectors and harlots enter the kingdom of God before you. For John came to you in the way of righteousness, showing you what you should do. And you did not believe him. But tax collectors and harlots believed them. And when you saw it, you did not afterward relent and believe him. They changed lives. They were not willing to go along with that. And so you see that it means even if sometimes you're reluctant to put God first, if you do so, you will be blessed. Just like it says here, that first son, he might not have had the best attitude. Oh, dad, I'm tired. I don't want to work on the farm. Such hard work. My back aches. I haven't had breakfast. You can find all kinds of excuses. But he said, you know what? I'm still going to respect my father's wishes. And he went out there and did what he had to. Whereas the other one was all lip service. Yes, sir, I'll do this. And oh, yes, sir. It never shows up. What good is that? So you see a difference here. Putting God first in your life has to be shown not by words, but by actions. And that's much harder to do. But it's the only way to attain true happiness in this life and also God's blessings. So that's the first key biblical principle. The second is to, and by the way, putting God first in your life also has to do with your marriage. Putting God first in your marriage, of course, that's the first rule of having a really blessed and growing relationship with God and the person and also with your children. The example you give them of putting God first.

Secondly, is to practice what I call agape love in your marriage and child rearing. And by the way, this applies to friends, workers, whoever it is. But agape love, what is it? The best description is in 1 Corinthians 13. It's called the love chapter. But actually that term in the Greek is agape. Because in English, love usually means more romantic love. But it's not talking about that here specifically. Notice in 1 Corinthians 13, and I'd like to apply this to marriage and the family and see how we do.

It says here in verse 4, it says, love suffers long and is kind. So is that the way in our marriage? Do you suffer long? And on your child rearing, do you suffer long? And is kind? Is that what we do with our spouses and also to our children? Love, and again the term agape means sacrificial love, selfless love. It's other-centered. It's not self-centered love. It says love does not envy. So in the family, do spouses have envy, one for another? That's something that happens. Couples get married and all of a sudden there's this competition.

Who's going to be able to outperform the other person? That's very sad. You're supposed to be a team. You're not supposed to be competitors. But many times it's envy that destroys a family. It's always this competitive edge of who is going to be on top of the other.

But it says here envy is not that way. And also in child rearing. Don't provoke your children to envy. We treat one better than the other and they always feel that somehow it's going to be unfair. So talking again about these relationships we should have. It says love, agape love, the love in the marriage does not parade itself. Not the person who's trying to outlook the other or is full of vanity, parading itself.

And you don't want that for your children either. That you're parading yourself before them and not focusing on them so much on you and how great you are and how they should give you honor and glory. It says agape love is not puffed up. It doesn't have that vanity involved. Vanity can destroy a marriage as well. Putting your own looks and your own interests first. Agape love does not behave rudely.

Again, is that in the marriage? Behaving rudely, harshly? That can happen also, of course, with children. Behave rudely and insult them and put them down. Agape love does not seek its own. In a marriage, that person should not put themselves first. Should put the other members of the family first and is not provoked.

Is not something that is going to just fly off the handle and just full of rage or whatever in the marriage or dealing with kids. Or they fly off the handle. They get so angry. It humiliates children when you do that. It thinks no evil. It has a pure mind and a pure heart. It's not thinking about how I can get my vengeance or how I can get back at that person.

Do something mean to them, either in the marriage or with the children. Many times, parents provoke and intimidate their children. Oh, just wait, just wait. The poor kid is already trembling. Here you've got parents that are so much larger and stronger and that little child. It says agape love in the family and with the children does not rejoice in iniquity. See, it doesn't say, oh, how good that they're sinning. No, you're not promoting that. You're not backing that up at all. That's something abhorrent to the person. It doesn't rejoice in iniquity, but there are some people.

I know how it happened even in my own life where my dad wanted me to become a man, you know, at 17 or 18 and go out there in the world. And thankfully, I said, no, I've already learned a better way of life. So you don't rejoice in iniquity. You don't give them an entrance to that world, but rejoices in the truth. That's what you teach. That's what you enjoy.

The truth of God in your marriage and in your life and with your children rejoices in everything that is good or a good deed that you celebrate. Agape love bears all things. It's patient. It again puts things in God's hands, bears all things, all the trials. God is there. He created the entire universe. He had millions of angels at his disposal, and he can intervene at any time.

So we can, through God's help, bear all things, believes all things in the sense of that innocence and childlike innocence, believes all things. Is that the way we are in our marriage? Believes all things that are good and positive? Or are they always questioning? Oh, no, that can't be. I don't believe that's the right sincerity involved. Or I don't believe that you're doing this for my good or something else like that. It endures all things. It puts up patiently, mercifully, lovingly, in the marriage and with the children. So this is the description we have of agape love, and that is so important to put it into practice in our lives.

Of course, agape love is not soft or weak. Agape love also means proper discipline, but with love. Notice in Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4. I'd like to read it from the Passion Translation. And it says, Father, don't exasperate your children, but raise them up with loving discipline and counsel that brings the revelation or the knowledge of our Lord. So again, that type of spirit that you don't exasperate means frustrate your children by the way they're being treated or spoken to, that they lose hope.

They lose their self-esteem. It says raise them up with loving discipline. So as I'm going to bring out, agape love is not weak at all. It is meek. But don't confuse meekness with weakness. So agape love also is unmerited love. It's undeserved. We don't deserve it, but God still gives it to us. We should also. It's undeserved, but to give it to others. Unmerited love is better than the term unconditional, which means no conditions.

And sometimes you can turn God's grace into licentiousness, which means doing away with any type of restriction and going ahead and disobeying because after all, I've got to be forgiven. No, that's not God's way, and it shouldn't be our way. We see in the Bible that God constantly applies unmerited love or grace, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have conditions.

It can be destroyed by the cause of it, if not repented. It tells us there in Galatians 6-9, and God will not be mocked. You can go too far with God. Notice in Hebrews chapter 6, Hebrews chapter 6, in verse 4, Paul says, for it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, which means they got to know the truth of God, and have tasted the heavenly gift and have become partakers of the Holy Spirit.

They have tasted God's Spirit. After baptism and the laying on of hands, the person truly converted, he will receive it, and tasted that heavenly gift, and have tasted the good word of God. So now this becomes our textbook. We can go to it as a guideline for us and be able to find what's God's will in our lives. It goes on to say, and the powers of the age to come, we've had the power of healing in our lives, the power of God's Spirit, and the fruits of God's Spirit that we've been able to taste and do.

If they fall away, what happens if a person just leaves God and his way of life and doesn't want anything to do? It says it's impossible to renew them again to repentance, since they crucify again for themselves the Son of God and put him in an open shame. So Christ died for us and was crucified once. It's applied once in our life to be able to be extended outward as long as we're following God.

But if we turn against God, if we no longer want to follow God's way of life and we just throw it all out the window, this is what it's talking about here.

They're crucifying the Son of God again. He's not going to come down from heaven and die twice for us. It goes on to say, verse 7, Notice in Hebrews chapter 10, and I know these are tough parts of Scripture, but I can't say anything except what's in Scripture. This is what God is explaining to us, and I will not shy away from it. Hebrews chapter 10 in verse 23 through 31.

It says, Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. Hold fast the confession. In other words, our faith and belief without wavering. There are going to be times when things can be tough in our lives, disappointments, and all kinds of negative things that can happen. But it's still not change our resolve. It says, And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works. Help each other so they won't waver, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together as it is the matter. Some in Paul's congregations, he's just simply not attending anymore.

And how are you going to stir up love and good works there if you don't show up?

But exhorting one another so much the more as you see the day approaching the day of Christ. And then he goes on to say, Do you suppose will he be thought worthy who has trampled the son of God under foot? In other words, what he has done, you just now step on it like with muddied shoes on a beautiful white carpet. You don't care. You're just going to trample that. And counted the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified. That's a baptism, the blood of the covenant with God the Father and Jesus Christ, which gives you forgiveness, sanctified, and considers it a common thing. That's no longer something holy and good and insulted the spirit of grace. Just I don't want that anymore. I don't want God in my life anymore. I'm going to do my own things. For we know him who says, Vengeance is mine. I will repay, says the Lord. And again, the Lord will judge his people. It is a fearful thing under those circumstances to fall into the hands of the living God. So again, the point is that agape love is marvelous, but it has limits. Notice in 1 Timothy 5, verse 8. This applies again to family life and child rearing.

1 Timothy 5, verse 8.

It says, But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. The easy reading version puts it, Everyone should take care of their own people. Most importantly, they should take care of their own family. If they do not do that, then they do not accept what we believe.

They are worse than someone who does not even believe in God. Because of course, what a bad example is set there. So it says here about providing, but it is not only physical, but psychological, spiritual, intellectual. These are the needs. And so we have to look at our family and child rearing as a long-term relationship. Every day brings new challenges, but also opportunities to apply the fruits of God's Spirit in our lives.

And we will be judged by God how well we did it. I'd like to read now from Luke 19. It starts in verse 11. You can follow me. I'm going to use the Passion Translation because it gives this section in modern terms. It doesn't talk about pounds, the parable of the pounds. What are pounds? Well, they're actually talking about monetary unit. It's talking about a certain amount of money.

And so in the Passion Translation, in Luke 19, in verse 11, it says, At this time, Jesus was getting close to entering Jerusalem. The crowds that followed him were convinced that God's kingdom realm would fully manifest when Jesus established it in Jerusalem. So he told them this story to change their perspective. They thought he was going to set himself up as a king and that they would all be part of his cabinet and in charge of the kingdom.

And so he wanted to change their perspectives and he gave them this parable. Once there was a wealthy prince who left his province to travel to a distant land where he would be crowned king and then return. Before he departed, he summoned his ten servants together and said, I am entrusting each of you with $50,000 to trade with while I am away.

Basically, this is what the equivalent of the pounds that he was going to give them. Some of his countrymen despised the prince, talking about Jesus Christ, and sent a delegation after him to declare before the royals. We refused to let this man rule over us. He will not be our king.

Talk about the majority of the Jewish people. Nevertheless, he was crowned king and returned to his land. Then he summoned his ten servants to see how much each one had earned and what their profits came to. The first one came forward and said, Master, I took what you gave me and invested it and it multiplied ten times. Now, what does God give us after baptism and the laying on of hands? He gives us his Holy Spirit. From there, we start measuring what kind of fruits are being produced. And so, some people really develop and grow. As each one, you're not competing against others.

You're competing against the best of yourself. How much better can you be? You're going to be judged by God because that's the way you apply these. Fruits of the Holy Spirit. And so, the first one, he multiplied that spirit ten times. And Christ answered, Splendid, you have done well, my excellent servant. Because you have shown that you can be trusted in this small matter, I now grant you authority to rule over ten cities.

The second came and said, Master, what you left me has multiplied five times. His master said, I also grant you authority in my kingdom over five cities. Another came before the king and said, Master, here is the money you entrusted me.

So, he just returned to fifty thousand dollars. I hid it for safekeeping. You see, I live in fear of you, for everyone knows you're a strict master and impossible to please. That's the way the person perceived God, which isn't the truth. But this person had a fearful personality, didn't want to take any risks, didn't want to do anything special.

He just hung in there. He said, you push us for high return on all that you own, and you always want to gain from someone else's efforts. Again, what an attitude! Here the person received this and he's complaining to God. Oh, now I've got this great responsibility. Oh, God is so harsh. Look what he's given me. No, that's not the way to look at it. And the king said, you wicked servant. He saw right through that ruse, trying to fool the king.

I will judge you using your own words. If what you said about me is true, then I am a harsh man, pushing you for a high return and wanting gain from others' efforts. So again, he's just saying, according to your attitude, that's the only thing. Instead of thinking this was a privilege, the person was looking at it as a burden.

And then he said, why didn't you at least put my money in the bank to earn some interest on what I entrusted you? A lot of people do that. They have what are called certified deposits, which you give, and the bank will give you interest, according to the months that it's there, and at least you have some gain. That's all he needed to have done, is just make a little profit and show God that he was a person capable of using his spirit and producing fruit.

The king said to his other servants, take the money he has, those $50,000, and give it to the faithful servant who multiplied my money ten times over.

Today, people talk about fairness and equity and all of this, no matter how hard or how little you work, everybody should get paid the same, equalizing things. Christ didn't believe that, because look what he did. He gave it to the person that most multiplied it. And then the others said, but Master, the other servant, subjected. Why give it to him? He already has so much.

Yes, replied the king, but to all who have been faithful, even more will be given them. They're productive. You see fruits, you see activity. Of course, you're going to give a person like that much more responsibilities, because they're going to multiply it. Whereas the other person, oh, I just need this favor, and I want God to multiply things for me. That's not the way God works.

He says, and for the ones who have nothing, not produce anything productive, even the little they seem to have will be taken from them. Again, this is a commitment. This is a lifelong commitment to serve God, to serve the brethren, serve mankind.

I'm going to tell you just one last story, which happened to me. Maybe it'll be helpful. When I was about 22 years old, I was in my third year of Ambassador College, which became a university. I do have a university degree from there. And my third year, sorry, it was my second, no, because I'm thinking I went to Big Sandy one year, and I went over here to Pasadena the second year. And it was, yes, that second year when I went to Columbia on a small scholarship to study during the summer. And basically, once I left Cuba when I was seven years old, I'd spent the rest of my life here in the U.S. I got used to speaking in English. It became my first language, the culture, everything else. But I never had been to a South American country. And for that month that we went to this small town to study at the university about Spanish literature and others, I was aghast. I was appalled at the poverty that we saw. We took these old buses winding down these old mountainous roads. People had chickens. People had just barely surviving. And so once I got there, I went through kind of a spiritual crisis. And I said, so many people need help. What should I do to help these people? Should I just go out there and set up something and just feed the people? And so I started looking into the Bible. And I remember I went to the parable of the prodigal son, where this son had left his father and took all the money and wasted it. Came down to nothing, and then he came back. He repented. The father returned everything. And I realized that there's going to be poverty in this world. We should do what we can. But you know what I decided? What I want people is to know the truth of God so they can lift themselves up with the truth of God, become productive, follow God, make it into the kingdom. Isn't that better than just giving them a fish every day? Because they don't know how to fish and how to do something like worthwhile, which is conversion. So I said, I'm going to invest in those magazines, in these booklets. These are seeds that are planted there. That's the way I can change the world with my tithes and everything else. And so that's just what I'm mentioning. That is what God wants of us. We are committed to Him. Put Him first. You will see the results. In our marriages with our children or with our nephews or whoever it is, to practice these two principles. The first one is putting God first in our lives and then practicing agape love as we can in our lives.