Basic Principles for a Happy Marriage

Brethren, are there God-given rules for a successful organization, or for a successful team, or for a successful government, or for a successful relationship? So whether it's government, whether it's a business organization, or whether it is the church, or whether it is the families, or whether it is the basic nucleus of society, which is the marriage, there are basic God-given rules for their success. Every relationship, even if it's between just two people, like in a marriage, must have somebody that makes decisions and other people that support and work together with that person that makes decisions.

And they both can't make the final decision, because otherwise you'll have people pushing in different directions. But the important thing is that when they make a decision, they work together, they are in agreement, and they go one way for the good of that relationship. So if it is in a marriage, it's for the good of that relationship and that family. If it is in the church, it's for the good of the church. If it's in a business organization, it's for the good of that goal that they have. And so therefore, there are sound principles that God has given us to adhere to, to learn from, with one intent. And the intent is that they are transferable skills to our ultimate greatest job, which is to rule with Christ in the Kingdom of God.

In other words, those are skills that we are learning that will be transferred, that will be carried over to when you and I are going to be ruling in the Kingdom of God. Or put it another way, God is giving us ideal opportunities to prepare a people to rule in the Kingdom of God. And in a sense, that is one of the missions of the church.

But think about it. The ideal, and not the only one, but the ideal ground for it is the marriage. But some, unfortunately, may not have the blessing of marriage, that you can still learn these principles in other relationships. In parenthude, being a mother, or being a father, or in other relationships with one another in the church, or in whatever you work.

The point is, there are important relationship principles. So I'm going to focus today from the point of view of a marriage. But I want you to believe and to think that it goes beyond just the marriage, because these principles are applicable to every relationship. So what does the Bible teach about successful principles for a marriage, or for any relationship, as I said? And there are many, and I could have a large list, but I've chosen to keep it simple, silent.

You know, the key principle, keep it simple, silent. It basically is, I chose three basic principles that are simple, that you can remember, and that you can apply wherever you go. And to give a little bit of a background, let's look at the example that God created man.

You and I know God created man out of the dust of the ground. And then there was Adam. And Adam, God called different animals in front of Adam, and He named them, but He did not find one. There was a suitable helper for him. And so God put Adam to sleep, as we would call it today, put it in an operating theater, and gave him an anaesthetist. But it's just a modern way of looking at it.

God somehow put him to sleep and took one of his ribs out and then closed him up very nicely. So that's why you and I are not short of a rib, because the operation was on Adam, not on you and I. So it was on Adam. And he took that rib from Adam, and out of that rib he made Eve. And so it came from Adam's side. It didn't come from his foot, or from under him, or anything. That was from his side as an equal. And God then established principles that would govern that marriage. And so one of the principles, first things he did is that he made obviously one male and another female.

And they have pretty obvious differences. Now, I know the world today tries to blur these differences, but I think they're pretty obvious. For one, I don't think many women can beget a child. And on the other side, I don't think many men can give birth to a child or even breastfeed a child. So there are differences that God made. And then he gave responsibilities for the two to be one.

Turn with me to Matthew 19. Matthew 19, verse 4 and 5. Here in Matthew 19, there was a situation that they were trying to justify themselves to give excuses to divorce. And then in 19, verse 4 and 5, it says, "'Evanod read that he, God, who made them at the beginning, made them male and female. And he said, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'" So here we have a case of two.

There's two. Two. But they become one flesh. So they are to be as one. Obviously, it does not mean they now become one person. Obviously not. But they are one flesh. In a way, it's very similar to the relationship between the Father, God the Father, and the Son of God, Jesus Christ. The two are of the God-kingdom, of the God-kind, but they are one.

They are one in mind, in thought, in objectives, in working together in unity. Just like a husband and wife. It should be of one mind, of one thought, of working together in unity. And then, when God makes these two, husband and wife, during the marriage ceremony, as we know, one of the statements is that you are together for good or for bad, till death do as part. As simple as that. As simple as that. In other words, there's a commitment for life. Marriage is a one-flesh relationship. In other words, it implies a commitment to one another, and is one of the most intimate relationships between a man and a woman.

That means they also won mentally. They are on the same page. They work towards the same goals. And they, therefore, are one. And, therefore, it's talked about the one-woman man.

Well, it means that he is committed to one woman, and that's it. And, therefore, there is that concern for one another, and they are not to separate. Regretably, in society, society under the influence of Satan, that has degraded. That does not mean that God's standard has changed. And, as we heard in the sermon, we need to learn to forget what's behind and forgive when things go wrong. We need to learn, but God did not allow divorce from the beginning. Well, of course, we read, yeah, well, they say, why did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, says Yah, in verse 7 of Matthew 19? Moses did not command to give a certificate of divorce. Because he said, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, because you are a sinner, and because you keep going the wrong way, permitted, allowed to divorce your wives. But that was not from the beginning. That is not God's intent. That is not self. And so it says, if you are divorcing, you are committing a sin. That's not what God wants. But that does not mean that God does not forgive and has a lot of compassion. And Christ sins, Christ's blood covers all sins. Yes. But what we're talking about is the intent of what God wanted. It's a one-flesh relationship to teach us an even greater lesson. And the lesson is in Ephesians chapter 5. Turn with me, please, to Ephesians chapter 5. So we need to look at the spiritual intent beyond that. And the spiritual intent is, yeah, in Ephesians chapter 5. So turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 31 and 32.

Ephesians 5, 31 and 32. It says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become on flesh. This is a great mystery! But I speak concerning Christ and the church. So the relationship between a man and a woman has a spiritual significance, which is even more important to teach us as a lesson. So physical things are there to teach us spiritual lessons. Because what is this doing is, it's pointing to the spiritual body of Jesus Christ. Look at verse 30. Look at verse 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. So the marriage relationship points to a spiritual principle, which points to the relationship between Christ and the church. And that we are part of his body. We are one, quote-unquote, body. One body. So what makes us part of the body? Well, we know it's when we repent, and we baptize, and we see Christ as the Spirit. God places us into that body. And therefore then, that's why reading YHWH, chapter 5, verse 33, Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, sell out his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So, because there is this bigger spiritual principle, let's learn from it by exercising specific laws in marriage, laws in that relationship, which include love, and which include respect for each other's role. And we'll talk more about that in a moment. So the first principle here, that I want to leave with you. And I said I'm keeping it simple. Is commitment for life. Commitment for life. Now, I know that in this world, it's not always self. And I know there are some in the church that are suffering because of that lack of commitment. And so I'm not here to judge anybody. But I'm just showing the less the intent of what God wants to be. Commitment for life. And that is the commitment that we learn that God has for us, and we need to act towards God, which is for life, but now it's life eternal. It's an eternal commitment to one another. And you know there are scriptures like the Father says, Christ says, I'll never leave you or forsake you. If we had men, and in some cases women, that would commit to that, I'll never leave or forsake you. Till death do us part, regardless of good and bad. We would understand God a lot better. We would. Because that's what God is. He says, I'll never leave or forsake you. And brethren, that's why we heard in Semanet, we need to leave those things behind. We need to forget those things behind and press forward to the mark, to the goal that is ahead.

Because whatever you and I have done in the past, it can be washed away by crushed blood, providing repentance. And now we move forwards. We move forwards. And so the first principle is commitment for life. And the second one is right yah, in verse 33. And in particular, is so love his wife. The second great principle of marriage, of any long-lasting relationship, is a respect for one another in that relationship. And the respect that God wants from us, for instance, amongst brethren in the Church, is an agape love, love one another, and even some more in a marriage relationship. It's a complete, outgoing love for the other. And that is certainly so with our mate. See that we are in Ephesians chapter 5. Look at verse 25. It says, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself for her.

How did Christ love the Church? What is Christ's example for us? How did he love the Church? He died for us, while we were yet sinners. How does he love you and I? He is a dictator, telling you, don't just do that to them. No, he's not. He's our head. So, how do we treat our wives?

How do we treat our wives? Is that how you and I would like to be treated by Jesus Christ? Why so important the emphasis of man to love? Well, I believe God is given of his own characteristics, some to man and some to woman. And maybe some of his traits, more to one than to other. In a human level, of course, compared to the spiritual level, he's much smaller. But God gave to man certain characteristics, and God gave to woman certain characteristics. The woman, generally speaking, the way it goes in most child-reading situations, they are the ones that, in the first few years of that child's life, take the primary role, and not the man. The ones that love that little baby, the ones that do a lot for the little baby, the ones that breastfeed the baby, and the ones that show a lot of love and care for that baby. Men usually show more love once the child starts responding. I'm not saying there's some man that are more loving than right from early stages, but generally speaking, and so what we see is generally speaking God has given the woman a greater, let's call it skill or talent, of loving. The more feeling type people, more sensitive type people. Men on the other side, God's given them other talents, which were attributes that are also from God. But God has given some attributes of God to the woman, and some of these attributes more so to the man, and so on. So does it therefore mean that when it says here, husbands love your wives, then women are not to love their husbands? Of course not, because you read in Titus 2 where he says, the older woman teach the younger woman to love their husbands. So the older woman have a responsibility to admonish to love the husband.

And after all, God is love. And so it's so important that we're all focusing, learning how to love, in genuine, outgoing concern for one another. But that's why Paul focuses on the man with this need, because men typically have a little less of a loving attitude. And I'm again generalizing, and the generalization is never fully correct, but women are generally more loving than men. And therefore, that's why Paul says, men work more in the life towards your wives. Because God has given the woman more of a tendency to love, but the woman also have to learn to love. There's no question about it. Because a relationship in a marriage to be sound is going to be based in genuine love, mutual love. And that points, as I mentioned, to the relationship between Christ and the Church. It's going to be based on love. And Christ loved us first, while we still yet sinned. And God, the Father, loves us first, too. The two decided. And the Father loves us, and Christ followed the instructions as it was delegated to him, and everything the Father did through Christ. And so, they love us. We are to attribute that love by acting upon that love, by not quenching the Spirit. By putting our part, by repenting, and learning to serve others in a true, repented and humble attitude. And so, the first characteristic that I mentioned, again, I said, I'm keeping it simple, is commit to one another. And the second one is to love one another. But there is a third. And I mentioned I wanted to talk about three today. And there is a third. And let me, to introduce that third characteristic that I want to talk to you about today, or principle, ask you to turn to 1 Corinthians 11. 1 Corinthians 11.

1 Corinthians 11. And here it says, I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ.

The head of a woman. Of a woman is man. Brethren, Yah is a distribution of responsibilities. It's like, for instance, I'll give you an example, in an enterprise or in an company. You have a person who has this role, maybe he's a marketing person. The other person has that role, maybe he is the technician. The other person has a role, maybe he's the secretary. Maybe another person has a different role, which is the accountant. And each one has got a responsibility, got a function in that organization to function correctly. Does it mean the accountant is more important than the technician, or the technician is more important than the accountant? No. They just have different responsibilities and functions for the good, healthy fulfillment of the responsibilities of that organization. And likewise, in the human family, starting at the basic nucleus of society, which is the marriage, God has given the man a certain function to perform, and God has given the woman a certain function to perform. It's not that one is superior to the other, but they both have different responsibilities. And so, yeah, we have that the man is the head. Oh, therefore, I'm the head. I'm more important than you. Well, let me ask you a question. Say your hand is not behaving so nicely, and now there is a big fire out there. And because your hand is not behaving so nicely, you tell your hand, put the hand on the fire and burn and suffer because you're not behaving nicely. And by the way, the other hand is also not behaving nicely, put the other hand on the fire as well and burn and burn. Your hand teaches because I'm the head. I'm telling you what to do. Obviously, that's ridiculous. You wouldn't do that. In fact, if your hand gets hurt, even though maybe your hand accidentally bumps something and should have knocked whatever down and I understand, think it's the head that kind of directed with the hand to go. But anyway, if the hand, what do you have? Everything, every part of the body goes to protect that part of the hand so it doesn't get hurt. Or do you fall accidentally and you break your elbow or twist your joints or something like that or hurt your back? Are you, as the head is going to tell, it deserves your right, you should have paid for the attention. No, of course not. The head cares for the body. And therefore, the responsibility of the head is to look after the whole body. The head, your head, makes sure that the hand doesn't get caught when you slam the door of the car. The head is going to say, well, hand, get out of the way. In other words, the head is always looking after the well-being of the body. Of course. And look at Christ's example. How is He the head of the church? He died for us. He gave Himself for us. And so, Christ even said, there's no act of love greater than dying for your brother. And so, that act of the head, to be of outgoing concern for the remaining members of the body, is an act of love. And so, for the head to be a good head, the first and foremost priority of the head is the well-being of the body. And to look after the body. And so, the responsibility of the man as the head of the woman is to care for the woman that she is well. And likewise, what is responsible for the woman towards the man?

Think about now the other role, the other function. Does the hand say to the head, I'm not going to do what you tell me to do? I am a rebellion. No, the hand does exactly what the head tells me to do. But that's why it says, and the head of Christ is God. Because you want to know how you need to react to the head. Look at how Christ reacts to the Father. When the two, the Father and Christ, decided that they wanted to have more beings in the family of God, in the kingdom of God, they realized that it required free moral agency and one would have to die. And Christ volunteered to do it, and he says he of himself humbled himself, and he gave his life for it. But you and I know, and I think you can probably imagine, the amount of stress that would have been. Imagine that you knew for years that you're going to have to, on such and such day, you're going to have to be killed by a certain type of accident, for instance. You would be always stressed about that day, would you? I mean, at least there would be some degree of anxiety over that, or some degree of concern about that. And Christ had that all the time in his mind since the beginning, the foundation of the world. He knew that would happen. The day that it was to happen, you know, like the hour, he said, Father, he was praying, and he said, Father, if it be possible, let it be another way, but not my world, your world. That's how we follow the head. Christ submitted to the Father to the very death as well. That's the degree of submission that we need to learn towards our superiors, asked towards Christ. But when we say, oh, well, that's the type of submission that a woman should have to the man, and some woman may say, oh, well, but you don't understand this, that, and that. Well, the point is, men, if you and I, as men, are loving, are caring, like Christ is caring for us, if you and I are just really deciding what's the best for the woman, the woman will only want to submit to you. She'd not feel compelled, because she knows that she was a husband, only want her best. And so there's this relationship that grows one or another. The man only wants to do what is the best for the woman, as a head, has that responsibility to make the decisions for the best of the body, of the family unity. And likewise, the woman only wants to submit to the husband, because he knows that he will never put her under undue pressure, because it's all done in the spirit of love. And so there's this mutual respect for God's ordained roles of one and the other. And it's not this competition, or, I'm a man, you're a woman, I'm better, and that, no. Because there's a mutual respect to the God-given roles, as maybe an accountant needs to respect technician in an enterprise, or the technician respects the accountant, and there's a mutual respect for one another.

So there's this voluntary, outgoing love between one another, and a mutual respect for the respect of responsibilities. Look at Ephesians chapter 5. We were in Ephesians a moment ago, so let's go back to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22 through 24. Ephesians 5, verse 22 through 24, wives, submit your husbands as to the Lord. How do we submit to the Lord? How do we submit to Christ? We should submit to Christ in everything, but it should be voluntary. It should not be a coercion, because Christ does not want you to submit to be a true Christian under pressure. Christ and God, they want you to do it freely and willingly. So, as there is this respect and honor, and because He, the husband, treats her well, and has her best interests in mind, we have this relationship that is a healthy relationship. So, the head has a responsibility to give. Yes, it is in charge, but to give, to serve. In a loving way, the other. And that's man's role. And that's Christ's role towards the church. Christ's role towards the church is to serve the church. And He's serving us by opening up the way for you and I to be saved. And opening up the way for us through the Spirit that proceeds from the Father, and giving it to us, and working with us through that, and Christ living in us through that, so that you and I can grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus Christ. So, we are to serve like Christ serves. And therefore, as husbands, we are to serve our wife and our family for their good, for their healthy growth. You know, sometimes men say, haha, you see, in verse 22 says, wives submit to your husbands. Some men say, haha, you see, woman, you need to submit to me. Now, I'd like to remind those men that may consider that, and I'm sure it's none of you, to read verse 21.

Because verse 21 says, submit to one another. That means men, you are to submit to the wives.

That's what it says, eh? In the fear of God.

So, there's no inferiority or superiority, ya? There's no first class or second class citizens?

God loves them both. And they equal. In spiritual potential, they are equal. That both will have an equal spiritual potential in the kingdom of God. I could often remember when I was young in the church. Some ministers said, and I remember that, they said, you know, who's going to be probably the greatest in the kingdom of God? Now, you and I know the greatest says he that serves. But from that principle, this minister would say to me once, and I can't remember who that minister was, but I just, the principle's starting young. He says, you know, that little widow there is probably going to be greater in the kingdom of God than many ministers. Because there's a widow serving in the little capabilities that she has. Maybe it's just the widow's mind. Maybe it's her prayers. Maybe it's her concern. But she's so close to God, and she's so serving. Whilst the minister has got all the visibility, and might have a lower position than that little widow in church. We don't know. But this is the point. He has a point that, yes, there are differences, physical differences.

There are physical differences in roles or functions. There are different responsibilities. Yes, you and I cannot change them. So don't fight it. You know, just enjoy it. Enjoy the ride. Because that's the way God made us. And if we fulfill those responsibilities, instead of looking at the other person's responsibility and saying, you see, you're supposed to be loving towards me. Or, you see, you're supposed to submit to me. Instead of looking at the other person's responsibilities, we look at our own. I need to be loving. Or, I need to be submissive. Then let's look at that, and let's work on that. That, I think, will all make greater progress in our individual Christian lives. So the woman is not inferior, brethren, nor is the man superior. In fact, in some instances, in some characteristics, the woman might be superior in ability than a man. Maybe, in some cases, a woman may be able to exercise more devotion, more love, more loving care, more diligence. Maybe, in some degrees of pain, maybe the woman can actually take more pain than a man. I can't generalize. People are different. But in some cases, that might be true. So, you know, God has given each one different talents. Maybe, in one family, maybe the woman has got more talent and more skill to manage the finances. And maybe the man delegates that to the woman. That is fine. That is the head, the responsibility to delegate, because she's got a good talent on that. That's okay. But they're all working together to serve the family. And so the husband needs to be a servant leader. That's what it is. The husband is a servant leader. He's a leader which serves.

Turn with me, please, to Colossians chapter 3, verse 18 and 19. Colossians chapter 3, verse 18 and 19. It says, wives submit to your own husband as it's fitting in the Lord. You know, I've seen in some societies, maybe not so much in our society, but I've seen in some societies that it comes across as all women have to submit to all men. Let's not know what it says. Yeah, submit to your own husband. So in some societies you've got this thing that if you're just a woman, you just got to submit to every other man. And that is not what it says here. So submit to your own husbands. And husbands love your wives and do not be bitter towards them. So there is this loving care of one towards another that is demonstrated. Yeah. And again, this relationship in a marriage helps us better understand the roles in the Church of God. Turn with me to 1 Corinthians chapter 12. 1 Corinthians chapter 12. So these physical things have a spiritual lesson. In 1 Corinthians chapter 12 verse 18 says, But now God has set a member, each one of them, in the body just as he pleased. So God chose to put some person in the body of Christ, in the Church, with this responsibility. I always find that I was thinking of using the word amusing, but that's the wrong word because it's not amusing. But I found in a sense quite sad when I go into some situations and some men come to me and one day they don't know nothing. The next day they send me in the mail and the mail says, I am Reverend so-and-so and Apostle so-and-so, whatever it is, and I say, who made you that? And yesterday you didn't know anything. Today you're just full of intelligence and knowledge.

You see, what those people have done is they have appointed themselves to a position. But this is not the case with God. In fact, it's not the case with any enterprise. Let's say, for instance, you're walking down the street and, for instance, you're like, for instance, I worked for IBM many years, so I can relate to that and say, imagine one day a person walking down the street says, I am now an IBM manager. Who made you an IBM manager? Were you an IBMer? Were you trained, developed, etc., appointed to have that position or a manager to roll? No, but I'm walking down the street, I'm an IBM manager now because I know a lot about computers. Well, obviously, that's ridiculous. But that's the same thing people do with church. They say, oh, well, now I'm in the church of God and I'm forming my own church, and I am Reverend so-and-so or priest so-and-so or whatever it is, come on, get real. It says it's God as said the members, God as selected and chosen who is where in the church and in what responsibility. Each one of them in the body just as God pleased. And so, if you look at the physical environment, God has chosen as the side, as he pleased, to make maybe you a woman and make me a man. It was his decision. It was my decision. Maybe nowadays people can do operations and things like that, but God decides. It's a decision from God. God decides that.

And likewise in the church. And so God has given us roles, different positions in the church. And therefore we all have different responsibilities. Like I said, some have this responsibility to minister. Others have responsibility to serve in one area. Others have to do. And likewise in a marriage and in a family, we all have our different functions and roles. And through this, we learn some important lessons. We learn some important lessons. So here are the three points I mentioned. You need to have commitment. You need to laugh. And you need to understand and respect each other's functions and responsibilities. But now I want to ask you a question. How can we succeed in our commitment, in our love, and our respect for each other's responsibilities? Or functions? How? The answer is simple. Through deep spiritual conversion. Simple. Through deep spiritual conversion. For instance, it says in corrector, do not be an equal yod. Now imagine if you're going to plow some land and you put a bull on one side and you put a little calf or a little lamb on the other side. You know you're not going to plow the land very nicely because they're not equally yod. But God has put a man and a woman in that plow to plow together the field of that marriage and of that family, which means they are equally yod. That means they are equal. Oh, be different. But also, obviously it's got many other spiritual lessons like, you know, we should only marry people that are in the faith and things like that. So there are many other spiritual lessons. But the way to success in this relationship, we need to have God's Holy Spirit. Look at Romans chapter 8. Romans chapter 8 is a very basic scripture as well. Romans chapter 8 verse 7 through 9. Romans chapter 8 verse 7 through 9. It says, because the carnal mind is enmity against God, it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. The mind of the human nature is not subject to God's law. So if you and I are settled in a flesh, we cannot please God. But verse 9, you are not in a flesh, but in a spirit. If you and I are truly converted, and if we want to do what God's spirit wants us to do, what God wants to do, and God inspires us through His Spirit, and we are thinking about the right things all the time. In other words, if the Spirit of God is in us, and if we have the Spirit of Christ, then, if Christ is in you, look at verse 10, then we are not going to do the things that the flesh wants. But we are going to do what the Spirit is guiding us, in other words, we are going to fulfill and do God's righteousness. And so, true spiritual conversion is absolutely key essential for us to have God's laws and God's principles written in our minds, in our hearts, and so that we have that love of God well-imprinted in our minds. And so, because of that love of God, we want to commit to want our word, yes to be yes, I'll know to be no, so when we commit, we commit, and we understand each other's roles and responsibilities.

The man will ask to the woman, how can I help you? Because that's what Christ is in us, doing and helping us. And the woman will ask, what can I do to the man to help you? So this is mutual relationship to work and helping one another. So spiritual conversion, brethren, affects every relationship. Yes, affects the success of a marriage relationship. It affects the relationship in a family of parents to the children and vice versa. It affects a good, healthy church relationship. And also, it affects our relationship with God by putting God first. Brethren, I have not told you very complicated principles today. Just simple, three simple ones. Commitment, love, understanding each other's roles, of loving and submission, of loving being the head and being submissive. So, there's nothing complicated. But the difficult part is to do it. We all know it's not easy. But as you apply these and you keep them in mind, as we go through difficult days ahead and you keep this in mind, you are then being prepared to rule as a king in the wonderful world tomorrow.

Thank you.