The Book of Philemon and the Tongue

Brethren, one of the main themes in the Bible has to do with relationships. As you grow older, you appreciate them more.

When you're young, you generally take relationships more for granted. But as you get older, you realize the importance of having lasting and good relationships takes a lot of work to do so.

In the Bible, you first learn about the relationship between God the Father and the Word who became Jesus Christ.

It's very interesting that there are three scriptures in the Bible that talk about beginnings.

The first is Genesis 1.1. It tells us the relationship that God has with all of the creation.

Then in John 1.1, we have the same introduction in the beginning, but this time he goes into the relationship.

That God, which is mentioned in Genesis, is not really described or defined very much, but it is defined even in more detail in John 1.1.

It says that in the beginning, the Word was with God and the Word was God.

Here it expands on God and talks about two divine beings being together, working in unison.

Then it talks about that the Word was with God in a very close relationship, as it brings out later on in that same chapter.

There was an intimate and loving relationship between the two.

That's basically the greatest news in the universe that a human being can ever hear.

God is love. He is perfect goodness. There's no evil in Him. Nothing sinful. Nothing dark.

He wants to have a lasting relationship with all of us.

That's the greatest news. That evil is just something temporary. It's not going to last forever.

It will be vanquished. It has a necessary purpose right now, but that is fleeting.

So this evil that we see that prevails, it's going to disappear one day.

In the Bible, we talk about Genesis 1.1, John 1.1, and then 1 John 1.1, where it talks about in the beginning, again, was the Word.

This time, it's in a personal context, where it talks about, we touched Him. He was with us.

John could say that. So he goes from a bit more of an impersonal, very general description of God, to how they were in the beginning, and then how He came and dwelt with man. John was one of those.

He actually saw the glorified Jesus Christ in a vision. Then he saw Christ resurrected as a now spirit being.

They actually touched His body. They touched where the wound had been.

Of course, that left this indelible impression on them.

John is very equipped to talk about relationships, and the entire Bible deals with that. The first relationship is the relationship between God the Father and Jesus Christ. Understand that. That sets the table for everything else.

The second relationship that is the most important is our relationship with God. That has to be done in a voluntary manner. God is not going to obligate. That is something that we choose to have a relationship with God the Father and with Jesus Christ.

Understanding the truth of their nature, how they are.

Thirdly, we learn about the relationship between ourselves and our immediate family.

Everybody has a father, mother, and extended family. Those that are married have that intimate relationship with their spouse. If you have children, that is a very important relationship as well.

We are dealing with the God plane, then our relationship with God, and then our relationship with our family. That is the priority that God wants to see how we govern that relationship. How we do it.

Then, I might just turn to Malachi 2. The relationship with a family is so important.

Malachi 2, starting in verse 13, he says, And this is the second thing you do. God has a certain criticism toward his people at this time. He says, He says, So there is a breach here that has happened. God is not acting because of the relationship which has broken down. It was mentioned in the first message about a spiritual relationship, how important it is, the healing. Well, here's what was happening in Israel at that time.

He goes on to say, Yet you say, for what reason? Why has this relationship deteriorated? And God answers. Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and the wife by covenant. God said that he's seen that we have not been faithful. We have not taken care of that relationship. He was looking at that at that time, and those relationships were not where they should be. He goes on to say, But did he not make them one, talking about God coming into that marriage covenant, having a remnant of the Spirit, talking about that spiritual unity?

And why one? Why did he make it that way? He says, He seeks godly offspring. In other words, the children should follow along. Therefore, take heed for yourself, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. It's a commitment, a long-term commitment.

That is the third relationship. That's so important. The fourth one is our relationship with the church brethren.

We have fellowship. We have a commitment as part of the spiritual body of Christ.

You'll see in other passages that we'll cover today about that term that Paul uses for that relationship between the brethren, called koinonia, which is the spiritual partnership that we have. We are partners in this great work, this great commitment that we have done. We are all in the same boat. We're part of Christ's body.

And then the fifth relationship is others around us that we have. Friends, those at work, in our community, we also have a responsibility toward them.

And of course, you want to know the biggest relationship that we can really have is not going to be in this life. The biggest relationship will take place when Christ returns.

Talk about building relationships then.

It'll be the big family gathering, a homecoming celebration.

There'll be tears of joy.

There'll be amazement as we look around, look at our bodies. We're spirit. No more pains. No more illnesses. No more infections. We'll look around and say, this is going to be permanent. And our minds will be cleaned of that human nature. So there won't be any envy. There won't be any lust. There won't be any hate, animosity. All of that will disappear from our nature. We'll be clean, just like you clean a windshield completely, spic and span.

There'll be hugs. How would you like to hug Abraham? Thank him for his faithfulness. How about Moses? How about David? Who are some of your favorites there? The Apostle Paul? And of course, Jesus Christ in the midst. Get a hug from him. That's going to be a reality. The homecoming at the festival. It's going to be annually. All the earth is going to be brought to this area. Of course, there'll be all kinds of remodeling to take place, so that it can all be done in a coordinated manner. Notice in Zechariah 14. Zechariah 14. It's right before Malachi. Zechariah 14. In verse 16, when Christ returns, it says, And it shall come to pass, That every one who is left of all the nations which came against Jerusalem shall go up from year to year, to worship the king, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the feast of tabernacles. Why doesn't it mention other feasts? Because there won't be this annual gathering together, but once a year. To do what? It says, To worship the king, the Lord of hosts, and to keep the feast of tabernacles. So, of course, we keep the Passover, but in a more local area, the rest of the feasts. But once a year, we get to be with all the brethren of the region. And here it's going to be worldwide. You're going to have a lot of new friends, a lot of fellowshipping to do. And of course, all the resurrected saints will be there. All those who faithfully died, they'll be there. And God made different personalities, and we gravitate toward different personalities. He doesn't want yellow pencils in his kingdom with just one personality type. And so we'll naturally gravitate according to our interests, our approach, our hobbies, what we like to do more, and we will have fellowship with everyone. But there will be some that you will really identify with as such. We'll be able to have this relationship, I mean, forever, not even millions of years. We're talking about billions of years. The universe is still, in a sense, at a point where there's still, it's not even halfway that it has aged.

And so we still got a lot of time to develop and invite others to all of these wonderful places that will be remodeled. So anyways, that's what we look forward to so much. In Colossians chapter 3, that's why despite all the difficulties that Paul was going through, he said in Colossians chapter 3, in verse 1, If then you were raised with Christ, if you were baptized, raised out of those waters, your sins forgiven, you've received God's Spirit through the laying on of hands, he says, seek those things which are above. Where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God, set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

For you died, in a spiritual sense, at baptism, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Therefore put to death your members, which are on the earth, fornication and cleanness, passion, evil, desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.

And verse 8, But now you yourselves are to put off all of these anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man, who is renewed in knowledge, according to the image of him who created him.

Whether there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, nor free, but Christ is all in all. There's a spiritual equality going on here that we all have. And there are two books in the Bible that specifically deal with how to form good relationships with others. One is in the Old Testament, the book of Proverbs, and I dare to say, there is a book in the New Testament, which deals with relationships, how to have them.

And that's the small book called Philemon, which we're going to go into, because it deals with our relationship with others, the need to know how not to offend others, to think before we speak, and we all have troubles with our tongue. In James chapter 3, we have the best introduction to the book of Philemon. Paul chose how we should apply that book of Philemon, and James teaches us about the tongue, how to use it better than what we do. In James chapter 3, let's start in verse 1, it says, My brethren, let not many of you become teachers, knowing that we shall receive a stricter judgment.

So here we start getting into trouble with our tongues right away, which is, yeah, we want to teach. We don't want to learn. We might not be equipped, but we will. We like to teach others. And that is part of our human nature. Instead of humbly waiting by the fruits, you will know them, be recognized before you become a teacher, not a self-appointed teacher. Verse 2, it says, For we all stumble in many things.

If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, or a completed person that is flawless, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships, although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so, the tongue is a little member, talking about in our body, and boasts great things. See how great a forest, a little fire, it kindles.

It doesn't take much to light up an argument, light up a big fiery discussion that does a lot of destruction. The tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity because of that human nature. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature, and is set on fire by hell, which is talking about Gehenna.

You might end up there, if you don't know how to control your tongue and just destroy so many relationships. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea, is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it, we bless our God and Father. Yes, we consider ourselves very spiritual and religious. And with it, we curse men who have been made in the similitude of God.

Out of the same mouth proceeds blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? In other words, if we've got that bitterness inside of us, it's going to come out. A person can act and pretend it's not there.

They might be good actors, but that doesn't negate what they truly are. They're just covering up something they're really not, which is a type of hypocrisy. It goes on to say, does a spring send forth fresh water from the same opening? Fresh and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives or a grapevine bear figs?

Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh. What he's saying there is that out of our mouths we are judged, and we can see the inner nature by the way we use our tongue, and how much we've been able to control that under duress. It's so important to learn how to use tact, how to use discretion, how to use diplomacy. Here's a definition of being diplomatic. It's to avoid offending others or hurting their feelings, especially in situations where this ability is important, where it has to do with relationships. It's there that it's crucial, because you can do things 99 times well, and you make one stumble, you offend the person once.

What are they going to remember? Are they going to remember the 99 times that you did it well and everything worked out well? No, they're going to remember just like this splinter in your finger. It's not going to leave you alone until you pull that thing out. People have these mental and spiritual splinters all their lives that they just can't pull out, and it produces bitterness. It produces all kinds of resentments, and that spiritually weakens a person. Let's go to the book of Philemon.

Just remember the right way to pronounce it. Remember Phil. We have a Phil in our church. Sometimes he will communicate, and we're always kind of... So it's Philemon. It's right after Titus. We have a couple of action steps that we can follow. It only has one chapter, so it can be done pretty briefly. But boy, is it jam-packed with lessons.

Notice how Paul begins. He says, So Philemon was a wealthy member of the church. He and his wife were hosts in that area. It's probably Colossae, where they are meeting because, as we'll see, the same people that live in the place are mentioned in the book of Colossians and also here in Philemon. Paul, notice here, does not say Paul the Apostle to Philemon because it wasn't the appropriate time to sort of pull rank and mention what his station was.

He was one of the apostles of the church. He had authority, and he left that out. He used a humblest description. He was in prison. This was most probably the time in Acts 28, where he was taken to Rome, and he was put in house arrest for about two years. There was a soldier that guarded him there, but he had liberty to bring people in. He had liberty to write epistles or have somebody he would dictate to. This is the case here. He reminds Philemon, look, I'm in jail, and I'm sending you this letter.

So Philemon, of course, felt very honored. Paul wasn't trying to impress Philemon with his title of apostle. He goes on to say, verse 3, Again, what we see here is the two God beings. There's not a third.

They're not one person either. He says, verse 4, I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers, hearing of your love and faith, which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints, that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus, not because of you, but because of Jesus Christ in you.

For we have great joy and consolation in your love because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother. So Paul brings out the good things about Philemon. He appreciates, doesn't start out in a negative way telling Philemon the wrong things. No, he starts out thanking him and saying he's praying for Philemon.

Verse 8, Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, so he says, I do have authority, and I could exercise it if I wanted to, but I'm not going to exercise that authority.

He says, Yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you, being such a one as Paul the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ. So he's saying, look, I'm not going to impose authority that's not the way in the church to handle many things.

So the action steps. Number one, you start with humility. You don't pull rank, and you think of others as superior to yourself.

Secondly, as he did here, you focus on other strengths and not weaknesses. Encourage instead of discourage others.

See, Paul was head and shoulders over Philemon. Paul had seen Christ. He had been called in a special commission. He did miracles as it was brought out.

Paul was chosen and given gifts of which also healing was involved and great miracles. So he could have just said, well, Philemon, you're a pretty young fellow in the church. You've just been recently, whatever.

You've got a lot of things to learn. I'm just going to let you know what I need for you to do. He could have done that, but he didn't. Because you see, he was a converted man using humility and persuasion instead of imposing his will.

So the third action step we can take for this, just like we should focus on other strengths and not their weaknesses. Encourage instead of discourage others.

The third is to persuade through reasoning instead of imposing authority. And of course, everybody has a certain responsibility. If you're a father, if you're a mother, if you've got brothers and sisters that are younger than you or you are at work and you have people that are under you at school, you have people that are younger than you. And so there's a certain amount of authority that people have. You have to know how to use it and when to use it.

I can say that one of the most enjoyable relationships in my life has been with my wife and my four daughters. And of course, the grandkids are all coming along. But I remember you start out as a father and you want to guide your children properly in God's ways. And at first, you tend to be stricter. You want to just impose whatever. And you want to be sure that if you lock horns, they know exactly who's going to be in charge and there's going to be some discipline in the way. And you can establish authority without imposing it in that way. And as the daughters got older, became young adults, then got married, now they all have children. The relationship grows. And so, frankly, when there's something to discuss or a problem to solve or something else, it's almost like we're all in the same plane where we are all reasoning together how to solve this. And believe me, some of my daughters are experts in certain fields that know more than I do. And so when we come up with something that they are more knowledgeable and everything, guess what? You're right. You have more knowledge than I do. And so, as the saying goes, a lot can be accomplished if nobody cares who gets the credit. It's not the father who always has to have the last word about everything. And it's so enjoyable to see them grow. And sometimes I'll just say, you know, you're right in this. Let's do it this way. Let's go forward. Is everybody in agreement? And so there's not this great hierarchy. Everything is being decided in that way. Now, we'll bring up that Paul was very diplomatic to Philemon. But there were times when he wasn't diplomatic with others that were trying to undermine the church, like Alexander, Coppersmith, and others where he knew these people were evil. They were doing damage. And this is no time to pussyfoot or just be a milk toast. You have to put your foot down, like Paul did. Those were extreme examples in very exceptional cases.

Most of our daily life is not based on this type of situation. It goes on to say, verse 10, here's the petition Paul gives Philemon. Verse 10, I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains. So this was a person that was converted. Well, Paul was there in this home that he could bring people in. We don't know the circumstances of how Onesimus got in contact. But Paul was in Rome, and he had people, as Luke mentions in Acts 28, that could come in and bring people. And here was this slave. He was a runaway slave. And they liked to go to these big urban centers, like Rome. And you know, hundreds of thousands of people. And you can really identify people very well. So you could hide in a crowd. Whereas in a small city, who is this person? And they're going to find out more about him. Verse 11, it says, who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me. Here he uses a play of words because Onesimus means useful. And the other term is not useful. Philemon would have gotten a chuckle out of that play on words. It goes on to say, I am sending him back. You therefore receive him. That is my own heart. This person that became converted. He's one of the ones now. He's in the church. He's very dear to me. It's like my very heart is very close heart friend whom I wish to keep with me that on your behalf, he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel. So this person was helping Paul, maybe taking correspondence. It was almost like Paul had COVID in those days because he was all quarantined in this little house, but he had a church to take care of. So he had people going, sending letters to them, instructions. He had to keep the churches going, even if he was in this confined place. It says, verse 14, But without your consent, I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary. Sometimes if you impose something and it's just something that grates the person, it goes against their will and everything, and you're just doing it out of raw, brute authority, that person is not going to feel good about that. And they're not going to feel like, nobody listened to me. They didn't take my opinion into account, my point of view. And so he says, I want to take your point of view, Philemon. I want this to be voluntary.

And so the fourth action step, when we're dealing with others, is to ask when it's possible, not demand things.

Even a simple waiter, we just say, go get me some water. Or you say, could you bring me some water? It's a whole different attitude behind things. And teach your children to ask. I really enjoy it. When my little grandkids, they'll say, grandpa, can we do this? Can we do that? They don't say, we want to do this. You know, impose their will. That's really nice to see.

He goes on to say, verse 15, for perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose that you might receive him forever. So he said, maybe God was working it out.

This servant, the slave of yours, ran away. He was not converted. But God called that man. And now he is a brother in the faith. And maybe God worked it out this way.

So both of you, Philemon and Onesimus, can be brothers and partners in that wonderful homecoming event, along with Abraham and all of the prophets, all the brethren that have died.

So he goes on to say, verse 16, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

So he says, this is profitable. But again, Philemon, you have legal rights. Now you can take Philemon and you can put him in jail. They didn't have any legal rights. You could even have them executed.

But he's saying he is a brother. We're not to apply that type of principles that the Roman system had.

He goes on to say, if then you count me as a partner, Koinonia, receive him as you would me.

The way you would treat me with honor, treat him now that he's coming back to you to ask forgiveness and to be forgiven.

But if he has wronged you or owes anything, put that on my account. Usually these runaway slaves, they take money with them because that's the way they're able to house themselves.

In that world, if you didn't have any money, you couldn't go anywhere. He says, I, Paul, am writing with my own hand.

The same word here, writing, it has to do with a debt. I am writing this. I owe you to you, Philemon.

You can bank on that. Not to mention to you that you owe me even your own self besides.

You remember how you came to the faith, how God used me as an instrument in your life. He says, yes, brother, let me have joy from you and the Lord.

Refresh my heart in the Lord. Grant my petition.

Number five action step is be willing to accept the decision. Maybe there is more work to do to sort things out, but it has started with the right step, with humility.

In other words, it might have been that Philemon said, well, I'm sorry, I just can't forgive him at this moment.

Paul says, well, it's okay. We'll work it out. Just take it into consideration. We've got to build this relationship.

But this is the way Paul is saying, look, I'm open-ended and I'm open-hearted and I'm willing to do whatever I can to reconcile the two of you.

Would you like to have somebody like that on your side to be an arbiter?

Going on, verse 21, he says, having confidence in your obedience, I write to you knowing that you will do even more than I say.

But meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me, for I trust that through your prayers I shall be granted to you. That you will gain his liberty, be able to visit Colossae. Stay there with Philemon. Again, the great honor.

So Paul is entreating him. And then he says, Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus greets you.

So he had someone else there at the house that was also under house arrest.

As do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, Luke, my fellow laborers, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. Amen.

And so the last, the sixth action step is to be surprised how much this type of attitude really works out for good.

To put it into practice with those people around you. You should be that way with our wives, with our children, with our brethren.

And the seventh and last point, yet recognize that not all situations are the same.

Paul sometimes did have to put his foot down. Suspend people.

So not all situations can be resolved in this way. But it should be the first option.

With humility and reasoning with a person, that is God's way with us.

In Isaiah 1.18, God says, come now and let us reason together, says the Lord.

Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool.

God wants to reason with us. He's not a harsh taskmaster. Philippians 4, as we finish here, Philippians 4.

Verse 6, it says, be anxious for nothing.

Oh, I'm sorry, not Philippians. Colossians. Colossians 4.

In verse 6, it says, Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.

Tychicus, a beloved brother, faithful minister, and fellow servant in the Lord, will tell you all the news about me.

He's sending this letter to them.

I am sending him to you for this very purpose, that he may know your circumstances and comfort your hearts with Onesimus, a faithful and beloved brother who is one of you.

He's the one over there in Colossae that had run away.

Now Paul sends him the letter of Philemon and apparently the same one, because it's the same people that are involved.

So there's a personal letter to Philemon, and there's a church letter to be read.

Let me just finish with this comment.

It's a fitting ending to the book of Philemon and the tongue.

Believers' Bible commentary says, The mention of the name Onesimus here in Colossians brings before us the lovely story unfolded in Paul's letter to Philemon.

Onesimus was a runaway slave who sought to escape from punishment by fleeing to Rome.

Somehow he had come in contact with Paul, who, in turn, had pointed him to Christ.

Now Onesimus is going to travel back to his former master, Philemon, in Colossae.

He will carry Paul's letter to Philemon while Tychicus carries the letter to the church at Colossae.

Picture the excitement among the brethren in Colossae when these two brethren, arrive with the letters from Paul.

Doubtless, they sat up late in the evening, asking questions about conditions in Rome, in hearing of Paul's courage in the service of his Savior, and, I may add, about Philemon, who ran away and now is one of the brethren.