Complaining or Explaining???

I'd like to share a story to begin with that's called A Critical Spirit. And it's an interesting story. There was a very conscientious wife who tried very hard to place her ultra-critical, contentious husband, but seemingly she failed regularly. He seemed the most cantankerous at breakfast, which you might think is the best because he's just woken up, but that's when he was the most cantankerous. And if the eggs were scrambled, then he wanted them poached. If she poached the eggs, then he wanted them to be scrambled. Well, one morning, the bright light came on and she thought she had received a stroke of genius. The wife decided that she would poach one egg and then she would scramble the second egg. Certainly he would be satisfied. Home run done! Thank you, ma'am. Well, what do you think happened with that? As she set the plate before him, she waited, hoping for the very, very best. Anxiously, she waited. Surely this would be the time for overwhelming approval. But he peered down at the plate and he snored it. I'm not going to snort. He snort, tried to snort, snorted. Can you do anything right, woman? You've scrambled the wrong one. Hello. I would just like to be at the table with that individual.

How would you like to be facing that person every day? Perhaps some of us do. If we want to be truly honest, some of us are just like that man, whether we be man or whether we be woman. I want to share something with all of you so that we can all enter this conversation mentally, emotionally, and spiritually for the next hour. Each of us, as I said earlier, each of us can learn from this example and what to do. This is our story. All of us are involved, and we've got more than when these kind of engagements come up, we've got more than eggs on our plate. Sometimes you go away with egg on our face. And so, what do we do about this? What do we do about this? Because it's more than what's on the plate in front of us. It's what's in our heart and how we approach people and or how we receive even positive instruction from people. So we're going to be coming at both ends of this, and I'm going to be sharing some steps later on that I think we can all put into practical use. Today, I want to discuss the difference between complaining and explaining. The difference between complaining and explaining. There is a major difference, and we, that's me, that's you, that's us, is that enough pronouns to make sure that we're all in the same goldfish bowl? Need to be aware of it and how to incorporate a better way. You know, as we look at things that we might be able to bring you today, we could discuss prophecy today, we could tell you this or tell you that.

We could go deeply into doctrine. But, you know, one of the things that Jesus spoke to those that would follow him was that we are to be a light on a hill. We are to be like that light, like that city on a hill that beams forward in our own personal walk and how we engage people. So I look forward to bringing this to you. Why is this so important for you and me and now and today? Well, negativity and fault finding have been around since time immemorial. But in today's society, negativity has reached new heights and is a common means of communication on Facebook, on all the different social media, on television, on the freeway, with people that you've never met, that think you're lost and they're telling you where to go as they're passing you at 100 miles per hour. Negativity abounds in our society and it's coming at us 24-7. As the Beatles used to sing eight days a week, it does not lit up and it affects us. And we see, frankly, morality, conversation going down and down. And it's almost sometimes between people, whether it's on television, whether it's on radio, whether it's on a video that you're watching, whether it's in some discussion. It's like two people, like if you have two China cups kind of going like this and keeps on going like nobody's going to break. Nobody's going to be shattered.

Everybody's going to be, no, they're not going to be all right. Sooner or later, something is going to happen. And what happens here with this society that we live in is to recognize that it's not that you know that old expression that we kind of grew up with with kids, think before you speak.

Think before you speak. The challenge is simply this. Most people are speaking what they think. So it doesn't start with the tone. It starts with our hearts. We always tend to be grabbing out here and grabbing out there when we've got to start from within and what lodges in our heart and respect for other individuals. And in all of this, before you go any further, please understand I am going to talk about how to be critical in a Christian manner. There is a time to criticize. There is a time to speak up. But we're going to kind of just bring this all together so that we can learn from it. There seems to, in a sense, this societal disconnect was prophesied. Join me if you would in 2 Timothy. In 2 Timothy, let's turn over there, please. This is a turn over verse, if you want to. 2 Timothy. And let's pick up the thought in verse chapter 3 and picking up the thought in 2 Timothy 3 and verse 1. But know this, that in the last days, perilous times will come for men and ladies, women, will be lovers of themselves. Lovers of money, boasters. Now notice this. Proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents. And then notice these terminologies. Unholy, unthankful, unloving, unforgiving, slenderers, without self-control. I think we've noticed that even more so over the last two or three years since COVID. How so many people, seemingly, are out of control? It says, traitors, headstrong, haughty, in lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God. Having a form of godliness but denying its power and from such people turn away. So there's a lot of descriptions out there that befit our day to day. This is the day that we walk into. This is the time that we've been called. So how do we confront this? How do we confront this? One banner scripture that all of us are familiar with is out of the book of Revelation, Revelation 18 and verse 4. It says, come out of this world. Now when the term world is used in the New Testament, it comes from the Greek, it's cosmos with a K. It's speaking of society. It's speaking, I mean, it's not like beam me up and you get off the earth, okay? It's speaking about come out of this age, come out of this society, come out of this culture. And so that is a part of why I'm giving this message today because there's something better if I can make a comment. Just show, and the Bible is so neat because it within its within its borders that shows this contrast. Join me if you would in Philippians 4. In Philippians 4, if you'll come over there with me, please, in Philippians 4, and let's notice what it says here. It says, finally brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, and whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of a good report if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. Now, this is not sugarcoating because it says whatever things are true, and there are times when we do need to be critical.

There are times when we need to bring a point to the fore that is important out of concern and out of love for the individual. But the question is not that there is the need, but how do we go about it and what is the timing that we need to do that? In other words, is there ever a time for a Christian, are you with me, to call a spade a spade? I haven't heard that term in a long time. That's kind of what I grew up with. Sometimes you just have to say what it is and tell it like it is, and sometimes it is going to jolt the other individual. And there's a time that we're going to go through that, even biblicate, and we're going to find that out. But there is a fine line between complaining and explaining because we most likely are dealing with the identical facts that are engendering our need or our sense to communicate. That's not the issue, but how we go about it. To where there is a win-win, a win for the individual that is concerned about the other person, but also a win-win because it has been received with hopefully a change of heart and a change of mind in the other person that you're talking about. So we're going to take a break for a second. This afternoon, this is called the specific purpose statement. This afternoon, I want to share with you three specific points as to how to move from being a negative complainer to becoming an effective explainer. And that's something especially that at times I need to do individually as an individual, as a Christian. But also, this applies to how I deal with all of you and deal with all the people in the circuit, deal with people in the region, people that call me from afar of how do we communicate. So point number one, here we go. Stop being negative by recognizing its source and its effect. Stop being negative by recognizing its source and its effect. Let's fully appreciate that there is nothing easier than fault finding. After all, we exist in a target rich environment. We all exist in the goldfish bowl of humanity.

And think about it to be critical and wrongfully critical. It takes no talent, demands no self respect, requires no brains, solicits no character to set yourself up in the grumbling business, just like our buddy that didn't like his eggs. Ben Franklin, long ago and far away, now near 200 years, Ben Franklin once said, any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn, and most do.

And that's true even with people who know God, who know God, that have experienced His grace, His favor, His sustaining impact on their lives, not just at the beginning but through it all, and wants us to be more than when He first called us. That's the group I'm talking to.

I'd like to turn to Numbers 12 if you'll join me for a second. In Numbers 12, there's a lot of examples because there's a lot of humanity in the Scriptures, isn't there? But I'd like to draw you to Numbers 12 for just a second. And we're going to pick up the thought in verse 1.

Israel had been out in the wilderness for some time, and here is a family, two brothers and a sister. And let's notice what's happening here. Then Miriam and Aaron spoke against Moses because of the Ethiopian woman whom he had married, for he had married an Ethiopian woman.

Now that's very interesting for a starter. And you say, well, what is that all about? Well, let's go a little bit further. So they said, has the Lord indeed spoken only through Moses? Has He not spoken through us also? And the Lord heard it? And now the man, Moses, was very humble more than all the men who were on the face of the earth. And suddenly the Lord said to Moses, Aaron and Miriam, come out, you three, to the tabernacle of meetings.

So the three came out. And then the Lord came down in the pillar of the cloud and stood at the tor of the tabernacle and called Aaron and Miriam, and they both went forward. So what's happening here? What's going on? Let's kind of draw this down for a second and see what the real issue is. Aaron, who was the high priest and Miriam, who was in a sense a leader amongst women of Israel, they felt that Moses had taken too much upon himself, that the whole congregation was holy, and that somehow they felt left out.

But notice how they did it. They brought up an issue that was decades, if not scores of years older. They bring up this Ethiopian woman. You say, well, who was the Ethiopian woman? The Ethiopian woman actually got into—I studied this in classical lit back in college dealing with Josephus and the antiquities of the Jews, chapter 2. It's in chapter 2. But what they were talking about was they were talking about a lady named Tharbus. Tharbus, B-I-S at the end. You need to remember that Moses had been a son of Pharaoh, and he had been appointed as a leader of the Egyptian army, and that Egypt was at war with Ethiopia.

Actually, long ago, his name was, as he was entitled back at that time, his title was Mir Moses talks about that. He did take this wife that there might be a union between Ethiopian Egypt and kind of to seal the deal. So he had been married. How that all worked out, I don't know everything over all the decades, but it seems that in a sense, perhaps she was a part of that group that came out of Egypt along with Israel.

Like I always say, I wasn't there. I'm not the fly on the wall. I'm not that old. But he had been married before he married Sephora to the Ethiopian woman as to whether or not she came along or not. Not sure. But they drew on something which really was not the issue. The issue was to kind of lower Moses in some way, kind of knock him in the knees and knock him off a balance. The issue was that they were jealous. They thought that Moses had taken too much upon himself. And so we take a look at this.

And like I said before, talk about old stuff. This was at least marrying the Ethiopian woman minimally was over two score years ago, 40 years ago, and now they're bringing it up now. Like that's the issue. It wasn't the issue.

The issue was them. The issue was them. And God put this in the Bible for us to learn something. They could not face the real problem. They're jealousy, so they created a diversion and began to carp about ancient history rather than dealing with their anger constructively and responsibly and dealing with their pride in the same way they chose to raise their position by lowering someone else's.

Not that you have ever seen that at all in your life. To where we kneecap somebody, but that's not really the issue. The issue is the heart of the individual. What can we learn from Aaron and Miriam to stop and to think and to question our motives before we criticize? It's very important because if you'll notice here, I'm just going to go back a second, we know what happened here. I'm going to actually go up to verse 9. So the anger of the Lord was aroused against them, that is Aaron and Miriam, not Moses, and he departed.

And when the cloud departed from above the tabernacle, cloud meaning the presence of God, suddenly Miriam became leprous, as white as snow. Then Aaron turned towards Miriam, and there she was, a leper. So Aaron said to Moses, Oh my Lord, please do not lay this sin on us, in which we have done foolishly, and in which we have sinned. Please do not let her be as one dead, whose flesh is half consumed when he comes out of his mother's womb.

So Moses cried out to the Lord, saying, Please heal her. Oh God, I pray. And so you notice here, it says, even Aaron admits that we have sinned. This was sin. This was missing the mark. This was not showing respect to God or love for the brother. And what God did by this leprous occasion coming upon her, what God did was he took what was inside of Miriam, unfortunately, and put it on the outside for Aaron and Miriam to see she was sick on the inside.

So God performed this miracle to show what she was really made up on the inside. Now, what did Abraham Lincoln once say? You can fool some of the people some of the time, most of the people most of the time, but, but you cannot fool God what's going on inside of us.

This is not the only case. Join me if you would in Luke 15 verse 1, Luke 15. Let's go to the New Testament. We'll use the whole Bible today. In Luke 15, again, a classic case of diversion.

We find that in this Jesus the Christ would suffer from those who would carp and complain about his ministry. They did not recognize Messiah, he who had been prophesied. Who did he think he was? Why was he doing this? Why was he doing that? And so we find this. Notice this. Then all the tax collectors and the sinners drew near to him to hear him. Now notice verse 2. And the Pharisees and the scribes complained, saying, this man receives sinners and eats with them.

See, they couldn't answer him front on. They couldn't deal with him as a person and engage him responsibly because every time it kind of got the mad because, you know, kind of like this, they'd start here. Jesus would go here and Jesus' hand remained on top because he was the Son of God and he knew what he was here to proclaim. So what did they do?

Diversion time. And the Pharisees and scribes complained. Murmur, murmur, murmur. Not just the Israelites, but these people in the New Testament, saying, this man receives sinners and eats with them. They couldn't touch him on the issues. So they attacked the personalities around him. John 12. Let's go to John 12, another one. John 12, verse 1. Can I make a comment? This is company you don't want to keep. We can learn from them, but we don't want to keep their company as to what we found in the Bible. We find in John 12, verse 1, this speaks that when Jesus came to Bethany and where the woman comes in and anoints his feet. And then we notice as we go down to verse 4, you're familiar with the story, the woman comes and takes care of Jesus' feet in a sense of preparation towards what's going to happen in a few days with his crucifixion. But one of his disciples, Judas Iscariot, Simon's son who would betray him said, Why was this fragrant oil not sold for 300 denarii and given to the poor? Then he said, Not that he cared for the poor, but because he was a thief and had the money box, and he used to take what was put in it. You know, here is one of the most beautiful stories, one of my favorites in all of scripture, of the woman that comes in and everybody's saying, What is she doing here? And then to recognize that she takes this wonderful oil, which is in a sense preparing him for the sacrifice that's going to come. And she touches the Savior and she's actually drying the feet, drying his feet with her hair. I mean, this is what we call close up and personal and beautiful. And guess what? We've got the complainer, Mr. Critic, who actually is the thief himself and everybody knows it. And he's the one making the noise. Can I make a comment at this point? Let's make it a goal. Let's make it a goal not to be like Aaron and Miriam on their downside. They had many great qualities, but we can learn also what not to do. Let's not be like an Aaron and a Miriam. Let's not be like the Pharisees and the scribes that impugned the people that were coming to Christ. Let's not be like the example of Judas. Let's understand it's not what we're saying. It's what's down here in our heart. This is where we've got to start. Join me if you would in Galatians 4. In Galatians 4, picking up—excuse me, Galatians 5, I want to show you something about complaining. Galatians 5. Let's pick up the thought if we could in verse 14. In Galatians 5 and verse 14, for all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this you shall notice love your neighbor as yourself.

Give them both in Leviticus, given in Matthew, and now repeat it by Paul in Galatians. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. In other words, treat others as you would desire to be treated. But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another. I say, then walk in the Spirit and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. Notice that word, four-letter word. You know, we sometimes say four-letter words. Bite. People's comments can take a bite out of you, and we pretend that nothing's happening. It can take a bite out of us. It's interesting how it puts it in the NIV. It says, if you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by one another. Another one out of the living paraphrase. And again, this is not a translation. This is a paraphrase. But sometimes the paraphrase gives a sense to it out of the living paraphrase. If instead of showing love one to another, you are always critical and catty, watch out. Beware of ruining each other. Bottom line, dear friends, destructive complaining. Not responsible criticism, but destructive complaining indicates a lack of love. You're low on fuel, a lack of love. A lack of love indicates a lack of comprehension of our calling to be like Christ and nothing less. God is love. When we are not motivated by love, we become critical of others. Now, here's a to-do list, and these notes are going to go out to you probably tonight or tomorrow. But a couple things to kind of bring you into the conversation, and you just think about it when we're dealing with others that are made in God's image and likeness.

A, have you complained about someone behind someone's back? Have you complained to somebody else about an individual and they don't know it? Criticized an individual and they don't know it without you first having gone to your brother or your sister?

Hello. Hello.

We are all in this goldfish bowl of humanity. B, have you focused on someone's shortcomings rather than their strengths?

C, have you made a list of their positive qualities before attacking their negative ones? Negative ones. D, have you reminded yourself that Christ tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, which you already just alluded to, but in Matthew it's in Matthew 5.43. F, have we considered our biting comments are just so much crying wolf that when a real, needed, constructive criticism needs to be shared, no one's listening?

Just thinking.

Point number two. We need to come to understand effective criticism doesn't always come how we want it, when we are prepared for it. Surprise!

Or from who we want to hear it from. The big question is not, will we get some? That is constructive criticism. Maybe even tinge a little bit because we're all humans with a little vinegar. The big question is, will we recognize it for what it is and that we need that constructive criticism? I'd like to share a story with you. We'll make a smile here a second, okay? I'd like to tell you about two taxidermists. Two taxidermists, they stopped before a window in which an owl was on display. They immediately began to criticize the way that it was mounted. JustIdentify it. Its eyes were not natural. Its wings were not neatly arranged. And its feet, well, they could use improvement too. When they had finished with all of their criticism and were about to walk away, the old owl turned his head and winked at them. Oh. Oh. Oh, if we could just be a little bit like the owl and wink. But then our human nature sometimes gets its dander up as well. Because as Scripture itself says, no correction for the moment. It's like, I really want that. Thank you so very much. I was just hoping that would come about 11 o'clock today from you. Thank you. No, that's no correction as is easy to take for the moment.

But it's not all that easy to take criticism. Like when someone says, I hope you don't mind me telling you this. You can be sure that you do.

It's then that our anti-missile shields go up, protecting us from all incoming comments.

Unfortunately, and it did occur, but many of us remember during the Persian Gulf War back in 1990. Remember the attack on Baghdad? All the anti-missiles that went up, and we've always said, nighttime over Baghdad. It was like the July 4th, a hundredfold over. That's just kind of what we do. We send up our anti-missiles to defend ourselves. I do that. I'm human. Susan knows that better than anybody. Rather than recognizing what we can learn from it, we send up those anti-missiles. But here's a very important phrase I've put into my notes. Why is it so often that we'd rather be ruined by praise rather than to be saved by criticism?

I'm going to repeat that. Why is it so often we'd rather be ruined by praise rather than be saved by criticism? That's important. And we all like to be told, good job. Do this, do that. But we're all human beings.

Let's turn and learn from a startling example found in 2 Samuel. In 2 Samuel, join me if you would there, please. If you don't know where 2 Samuel is, just look for 1 Samuel. In 2 Samuel 16.

Very interesting story. Let me set what's happened. Absalom has rebelled against his father.

Israel has decided for the moment to turn their backs on the hero and the champion of Israel, David, the boy that killed or the young man that killed Goliath, they're turning his back. David has got to leave Jerusalem.

He, in a sense, has got to flee for his life with his loyal cadre. That's the background of the story. So we take a look at this in 2 Samuel 16 verse 4.

So the king said to Zepa, hear all that belongs to the gentleman is yours. And Zepa said, I humbly bow before you that I may find favor in your sight, my Lord O king. Now, when King David came to Bachu Rim, there was a man from the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shemei, the son of Gerah, coming from there. And he came out cursing continuously as he came. And he threw stones at David and at all the servants of King David, and all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. And also Shemei said thus when he cursed, come out, come out, you bloodthirsty man, you rogue. The Lord has brought upon you all the blood of the house of Saul. And Shemei was a part of that house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned, and the Lord has delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom, your son. So now you are caught in your own evil because you are a bloodthirsty man. I have a question. Do you think Shemei today and today, do you think he had issues with the house of David? Then Abishai, the son of Zoriah, said to the king, why should this dead dog—and dog is a very bad term in the Middle East, probably three times what we would think—why should this dead dog—it's like he's already dead, let me just finish the job—curse my Lord the king, please let me go over and take off his head.

David said, good idea, go do it right now. No, no, that's not what happens. But the king said, what have I to do with you, you son of Zoriah? So let him curse, because the Lord has said to him. So David brought God into this conduct and this what was coming his way. So let him curse, because the Lord said to him, curse David, who then shall say, why have you done so? And David said to Abishai and all the servants, see how my son who came from my own body seeks my life. How much more then now may this Benjamite let him alone and let him curse, for so the Lord has ordered him. And it may be that the Lord will look on my affliction. I'm going to learn something out of this. Yeah, it looks humanly unjustified. But what am I going to learn out of this? And that the Lord will repay me with good for his cursing this day. And as David, oh, do you think that shut up Shammai? No. And so it says, and as David and his men went along the road, Shammai went along the hillside opposite him and cursed him as he went through stones at him and kicked up dust.

I mean, this guy was, do we dare say, out of control? Can you believe it? You know, he looked at this is the PowerPoint. He's throwing rocks at him. And, you know, he's like, he just, you know, kicking up dust. One man tornado. The bottom line is this. At times when criticism comes our way, bottom line, ask where is God's hand in this? Is it in this? Don't dismiss it.

I shared a story with you before. I'll share it again with my friend here on the third row. It's my wife. Many, many years ago, I had a situation where I was called into a meeting because of, frankly, lies, falsehoods, gossip that had gone through three or four people. Then, you know, it's almost like the complete story. I was assured, being younger back then, and I went in with my full armor of righteousness all about me.

And it was quite a conversation. You would know the individual if I mentioned their name.

And in that conversation, I probably, in one sense, thought, until I ran into my friend coming home, that I gave as well as I got.

It all turned out very well at the end of that conversation and furthering the days of Pasadena.

I come home, and like any husband, any boy, you want to have your wounds licked, and, you know, I go to Susan and say, oh, wow. And it's one of the probably top 10 comments that Susan has made to me in 50 years. And it was simply this, as only Susan could do. She said, and what did you learn? And what did you learn all during this time? It reversed everything. It put a godly perspective on it. Like this situation with David and Shimei. Okay, you went in with your bravado as a young man. You went in with your… you knew what the truth was, and you knew what you had said, and that was true.

But what did you learn in that encounter? What did you take away from it? Not just what you did right, but what yet can you learn from it when you are under criticism, even false criticism? When you have this kind of criticism and this construct coming your way, here's the bottom line. Where is God in this? Have a godly perspective of what is happening and what is going on. That is so very important. And the key here is to have that part of that perspective beyond the moment and to keep on looking up and not just simply around.

I'm going to go to point number three. We need to learn the godly form of constructive criticism. We need to learn the godly form of constructive criticism. There is a time to speak up and say what is on your mind. There is a time, yes, to be critical. Not to complain, but to explain the issues at hand that do need to be brought up. After all, the Bible, you know, basically a little leaven leavens the whole lump. And sometimes you just have to go for it and pray to God that He will use you as a vessel, whether it is towards your mate, whether it's towards another family member, whether it's towards me, your pastor. We're all in this together. We need to learn to to do that. If we are not addressing—here's the bottom line—if we are not addressing needs, we will be addressing hurts. If we are not addressing hurts, we will be addressing anger. If we are not addressing anger in relationship with another individual, we may ultimately be addressing bitterness. I have a question for you. Where do you want to start with this? Shouldn't we just kind of start with hurts or needs and not get to the hurt level, not get to the anger level, but we let things go. And the steam just continues to boil until it blows off the top. So what do we do here? A few pointers, please. A few pointers on this.

Proverbs 14, 15, I will just read this. It says, The prudent considers well his steps. Criticism should be done with prudence, with care, with carefulness, with prayer, with thoughtfulness, at the right time and in the right way. And sometimes, some issues, just to be very frank, it's thin and there. I understand that too. Number one on this point, and this will be the conclusion. This will go quickly, because I'm going to send these notes out to you, and I hope you'll study them. Okay. Number one, know your audience. Know your audience. Proverbs 7. And Proverbs 9, pardon me, Proverbs 9 and verse 7, and picking up the thought in verse 7, He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, and he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you. Rebuke a wise man, notice, and he and, oh, ladies and a wise woman, and they will love you. Know your audience.

Know your audience. And ask God to come along. Number two, timing is important.

Timing is essential. I would say this, do not be critical in front of others, because you may have something very needful to say and meaningful to say, but the timing is wrong. And what you might want to share, which is really good medicine for that individual, they're embarrassed because of the environment and where they are. Timing is important. Acts 18, 24 through 28. Very powerful story. I will just surmise it for you. It's a wonderful story about Apollos, the Hellenistic Jew that I asked for, the man from Alexandria who is wondrous, but he had only known the, you know, very Hellenic oratory. He was probably a guy that you'd rather listen to than me. But there are things that he didn't know. He didn't yet have the full story of the gospel seemingly, even as God was using him. So here's Aquila and Priscilla, fellow Jews of the diaspora. And the bottom line is one of the most powerful verse, Acts 18, 24 through 28. It says that Aquila and Priscilla took him aside. Took him aside. Some of you remember years ago we had a situation after services where we were kind of group in meeting and somebody took on another member. And what did I do as the pastor?

I reminded the audience and I reminded that individual that this is not the format. I try to practice what I preach. And that, this is Hebrew. It shut that individual down because he was not following the biblical mode. If you have something that you really need to share that's personal with somebody, don't do it in front of others, if at all possible. Take that individual aside. And yes, it says to show him what? A better way to be constructive.

Number three. Intros and exits are essential. Intros and exits are essential when it comes to constructive criticism. I think of the example of the Apostle Paul when he's talking to Philemon right in the front of the book of Hebrews. I know where Hebrews is. And Philemon's right in front of Hebrews. And Philemon. We've got a situation here. We know that Onesimus has run away. He's the slave. We know what happened in Roman society. If a slave ran away, not good. Not good. And so notice the beginning of Philemon, one of the great pieces of Scripture as to how to constructively criticize the situation. Paul, a prisoner of Jesus Christ and Timothy, our brother. He begins by reminding this Philemon that he himself is a prisoner right now. He's in bonds with the runaway slave Onesimus. To Philemon, our beloved friend and fellow laborer. To the beloved of Thea and Archippus, our fellow soldier. And to the church in your house, grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. And I thank my God making mention of you always in my prayers, hearing of your love and your faith, which you have toward the Lord Jesus and towards all the saints, that the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgement of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. For we have great joy and consolation in your love, Philemon, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, O brother. Verse 8, therefore, now we get into the issue.

How often do you and I wait for verse 8 before we lower the boom, even if needful?

Remember that point where you talked about measuring a person, not only what they've done wrong, but what they've done right? You have to understand, if this had gone south and wrong, Onesimus and possibly even Philemon would have been executed.

In ancient Rome, the way that you kept slavery going was out of fear, and one slave got out of line. That was it. Roman peace was only supported by Roman brutality, and probably up to 10 percent, 10 percent of the Roman Empire were slaves. You let one get away with it, everybody else gets away with it. But notice the gentility, the thoughtfulness, the brotherhood, the concern, not only what was there for, but the first seven verses. If you get anything out of this message at all, before we open our hearts and open our mouths towards somebody, give them seven verses. Give them seven verses, and you know what? They might receive what you're going to share with them. Therefore, we also have the example of, and I'll just allude to this, in 1 Corinthians 1, 4 through 9. I'm going to go there real quickly. We're going about five minutes we've done. 1 Corinthians 1. 1 Corinthians 1, 4 through 9. Okay, 1 Corinthians 1, 4 through 9. Paul, I thank my God always, and again, we remember the issues with Corinth. It was a church that was coming apart at the seams. It was like a zoo. Okay. It was a zoo with all these different people coming together and not everybody getting along and the congregation segmenting. One of the most unique books in the New Testament, and Paul had to lower the boom. He had to lower the boom, like lower the boom on this church. Notice, though, I thank my God always concerning you for the grace of God, which was given to you by Christ Jesus, that you were enriched in everything by Him in all utterance and all knowledge, even as the testimony of Christ was confirmed in you, so that you come short and no gift eagerly waiting for the revelation of our Lord Jesus Christ, who will also confirm you to the end. He is with you, that you may be blameless in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were called into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. There's an affirmation. Oh, verse 10, now I plead with you. Here comes the rest of Corinthians. If we would just use the Bible in this, this kind of thought, oh, how our lives might be even a greater blessing to other people, that we might be blessed as they give us encouragement. Another thought that I'd like to just simply hear on this point of encouragement. You think of Revelation 2 and Revelation 3.

As Christ is commenting on the seven churches of Asia Minor, He always starts out with a commendation. He always starts with what they have added to the body of Christ.

Then He goes into the construct. He goes into the concern. One is a commendation. Two is a concern. Three is always up and onward, I am with you. I'm not going to abandon you. I'm not saying this, so I'm no longer going to be with you, whether God, whether Christ, whether it be our personhood, one to another in our families or our church. We're in this together. But you learn those three roles. Jesus knew that as He inspired Revelation, we would need this for one another to keep the unity, to commend one another. But we're all human. We've got our faults. He hit those square on the point. And then number three, that commendation at the end.

I'm going to conclude this. I'm going to skip a few points. I'm just going to go to a last one, just for time's sake. The last point I'm going to give you, and you'll be able to read the others on the notes. Check your motives. Check your motives. You've been checking out the other person. Check your motives. Before you step out, better step into yourself. Galatians 6.

Galatians 6, verse 1. Pardon me. Galatians 6, verse 1. Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Considering yourself, lest you also be tempted, bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. By letting each one, verse 4, examine his own work, and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone and not in one another. Very, very important.

Being spiritual allows us to grasp the fullness of Luke 17. Let's go to Luke 17 as we begin to conclude. In Luke 17, and picking up the thought in verse 1, then he said to the disciples, Luke 17, verse 1, It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than he should offend one of these little ones. Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him. But if he repents, forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, every pen, you shall forgive him. Scripture is always about reconciliation. It's about restoration. God gives us brothers and sisters that come alongside of us, whether in a marriage union, whether in a business relationship, whether it be a congregational relationship. Because, as the Proverbs says, that if two lie together, great. But if three come together, wonderful. But then if you have that knot that is tied fourfold, it is strengthened.

We are strengthened by criticism. We can take it. We need it. We do not always see ourselves for who and what we are. Thank God. Be open. And be open as a brother and sister when it comes to you that you have something to say, that you'll take some of the steps that I've been able to share with you today. So that you're not just a complainer, but you're a vessel of the Lord as an explainer to show, to show a better way.