Go to Your Brother, Part 1

Thank you again, Mr. Bryce. I understand it's a little warm out there, and we're trying to cool it down a bit. Well, brethren, the last sermon I gave here a few weeks ago, I entitled a Spirit of Forgiveness. In the sermon we saw that God's Word, the Holy Scriptures, require us to forgive others their trespasses against us if we are to be forgiven our trespasses against God.

In other words, if we desire to be in God's Kingdom, and if we are to be given entrance into God's Kingdom, then we must learn to forgive those who sin against us. God is love, and He wants us to become love and to be like Him. Also, God hates hypocrisy, and it would be hypocrisy to expect God to forgive our sins when we are not willing to forgive the sins of others.

If we can't get over the hatred and resentment and bitterness that we might feel toward others, then how do we expect God to forgive us our sins? One of the reasons I gave that particular sermon a Spirit of Forgiveness was actually to lay a foundation for today's sermon, and actually for a series of sermons.

Mr. Brown – did I say Mr. Brown? Obviously I meant Mr. Baker. He gave a sermon at the same time right before I gave the sermon on a Spirit of Forgiveness, and he talked somewhat about going to your brother and also being willing to take correction. This is a very important topic and one that needs addressed from time to time, so I think now is the time to address this subject of going to your brother in greater detail. So how often have you gone to your brother?

Have you had to follow those instructions in Matthew 18? Have you ever gone to your brother? If you did go to your brother, did it go well? Do you understand what the Bible means when it says to go to your brother? Do you know why you would go to your brother or sister? What are the reasons as to why someone would go to their brother or sister? And do you know how to go to your brother? And of course, sister is implied. I'm not going to say that every time.

But do you know why you would go and do you know how to go, the best way to go to your brother or sister? And do you know when to go? So these are all questions that will be addressed in this series of sermons. It will be at least two, possibly three sermons on the subject. I'm not really sure how long it's going to take for me to do justice to this topic. It is an important topic, so I hope you'll listen carefully and think about it, consider it, maybe even discuss it amongst yourselves over the next few weeks.

The passage immediately before and after the specific verses in Matthew 18 about going to your brother, they underscore the importance of forgiveness. And I pointed that out last time when I gave the sermon. And having a spirit of forgiveness when we go to our brother is certainly very, very important. So let's go back to Matthew 18 for a moment and let's look at it in context.

Let's just briefly consider the entire chapter. It starts out in verse 1 talking about who's the greatest. That's what the disciples wanted to know. And Christ brings a little child before them, and He says, if you don't humble yourself like this little child, you're not going to be there anyway. So humility is very important in this chapter. He says, if you're going to enter the kingdom, you must become like a little child.

And then He goes on to talk about offenses. And if we offend a little one, then we're in big trouble for offending a little one. So we have to be very careful not to offend. And then in verse 10, He talks about the parable of the lost sheep. And if one person is lost out of a hundred, we'll go do our very best to bring that sheep back. That's very, very important to God, to have reconciliation, to have everyone be a part of the fold.

And then we get into dealing with a sinning brother. So let's go ahead and read these verses together. Verse 15, Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. And if he hears you, you have gained your brother. But if he will not hear, then take with you one or two more, that by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

Verse 17, And if he refuses to hear them, that is two or three witnesses, and he refuses to hear them, then tell it to the church. Now, in our context today, it wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to tell it to the whole church. It's talking about the authority in the church. You know, those who are the pastor, for one thing, certainly, and allow him to deal with a situation where a person is not willing to repent and continues in their sin. So if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Surely I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. So the decisions that the minister might make or the authority within the church, the decision that would be made, God would certainly back up, you know, as long as these principles are followed correctly and a good judgment is made, God is going to consider that. He says again, I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in my name, I am there in the midst of them. So again, it's very important to consider Matthew 18. Let's go through four steps very briefly. We just covered them, but step one in the process, if a brother sins against you, go alone and tell him his fault. That's important that you go alone. And you certainly are not to gossip about whatever it is that person's done. You're to go to him alone.

You don't have to ask everyone you know what they think about whether or not you should go.

You just go. You know, that way you contain the issue, you go alone and talk to them. If it's an issue that you've seen, if the person has sinned against you, has offended you, and it's significant, then you go alone to that person. Step number two, if he doesn't listen, if he doesn't hear you, then take one or two more witnesses to establish the truth of the matter.

And we'll talk more about that part of it as well as we go along, but I just want to give you an overview today. Step two, if a person doesn't listen, doesn't hear you, doesn't repent, and is continuing to go on in that sin, then take one or two more witnesses. Just one or two, not again, 50 people, not a ton of people, and only keep it as contained as necessary.

Step number three, if he refuses to hear the witnesses, then you would take it to the church authorities. Take it to someone who has a little more say in what can be done in a situation like this. So that sin doesn't affect others. You know, that's the main thing, and so that you can also help your brother. And step number four, if he refuses to hear the church, then he's likely to be disfellowshipped or suspended for a time until he does repent or she repents until they can be restored to fellowship. So those are the steps that are given in Matthew chapter 18. And again, we'll talk more about this. We'll flesh it out more as we go on. Now let's look at some of the verses that come after this instruction on Matthew 18. And we went through this last time in the spirit of forgiveness. We went through it in more detail, so I'm just going to skim over it. You remember about Peter asking Christ about if a person sinned seven times, and Christ said, well, if he sinned 70 times seven, then you're to forgive him. And then it goes into the parable of the unforgiving servant, how one servant had been forgiven a tremendous debt by his master, but he was unwilling to forgive a much, much, much, much smaller debt by one of the people that he associated with, and so the master was not pleased at all, and he was in big trouble for that.

And notice verse 35, the last verse in the chapter, So my heavenly Father also will do to you, in other words, this man was cast into prison, he said God will do this to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother, his trespasses. So forgiveness is a foundational step toward going to your brother. You need to have a forgiving spirit when you go to your brother. If he sinned against you, then you need to be motivated out of the spirit of forgiveness and a spirit of love for that person. I mentioned before that forgiving isn't easy, especially if you or someone you love has been terribly wronged.

In fact, forgiving is one of the most difficult, hardest things for a human being to do.

But again, you can't go to your brother properly unless you already have a spirit of forgiveness.

Christ set an example for us when we talked a lot about this in the sermon.

He laid his life down for sinners that we all might be forgiven our sins.

Remember what Christ said in Mark 11, verses 24 through 26. If you have anything against anyone, forgive them. If you have anything against anyone, forgive them.

And we also talked about what it doesn't mean as well when it comes to forgiveness. And I'm not going to rehearse the whole sermon that I gave last time, but Christ did say, if you have anything against anyone, then forgive them. Have that spirit of forgiveness.

We also talked about what Christ said in Luke 6, in the Sermon on the Mount, about loving your enemies and praying for those who despitefully use you and persecute you.

Now, in Matthew 18, we see that going to your brother is about a sin that could even possibly get a person kicked out of the church. Now, if they don't repent of what they've done, if they continue in that sin, then they could be disfellowshipped from attendance with God's church.

But these principles also apply to any relationship problem between two people in certain ways. We should apply these principles to any problem with our brother or sister, but most issues should never have to go to the church. It should be rare that you have to go to the church, that you have to go to the minister, to deal with an issue with a brother or sister in Christ. If two people are converted and they're striving to work together and they really truly love each other, then these issues should be worked out long before step number four. And it isn't always necessary to go to your brother if it's a rather insignificant offense.

You know, you don't have to go to your brother every time they maybe do something, especially if it's your wife or your husband. I mean, you know, you know each other pretty well, you know where they're coming from. You know usually if they know they've done something they shouldn't have done and they already feel badly about it and they're repentant, then you obviously don't always have to go to them. So you have to use some wisdom when it comes to dealing with this issue. But again, a spirit of forgiveness is very, very important. A spirit of forgiveness on one part and a spirit of repentance on the other. If you have a spirit of repentance and a spirit of forgiveness, then these issues are going to be worked out long before step number four when someone actually gets disfellowship from church. Sometimes if it is not a sin that requires action from someone in authority, sometimes you just have to learn to let it go. There are times when someone can't see themselves very well, but they're really a pretty good person, a decent person. They don't really mean to be perhaps as carnal as they are at times. They may not always readily see their sin and they may just need some room to see themselves better. They just may need some more time. You know, you can't just bring up every sin that occurs. You know, God doesn't want us to do that. You know, again, we need to use wisdom in how we deal with these things. A minister doesn't have to be brought in on most offenses. A minister doesn't want to be brought in on most offenses. Frankly, you know, a minister really doesn't need to know all your business. You know, we don't need to know everything that goes on in a congregation.

I mean, I have no desire to know everyone's sins. Frankly, I wish everyone would work things out before it gets to me. Then I can go fishing and have a good time. No, I'm very willing to do my job.

But, frankly, I'd love to see a smooth-running church that very seldom really needed me to do much of anything except get up here and give a good sermon and fellowship with all of you and love each other and all that. You know, that would be wonderful.

We have to realize that we're all human beings who say things not realizing sometimes how our words might push another person's buttons or open up perhaps some old wounds that we might not even be aware of. So sometimes we as God's people need to learn to be more open with each other and share those things with others so they will be able to avoid hurting us unintentionally. If, you know, if you're close to a person, you can share those things and it will go better if people understand and they can be more careful. If there are some sensitive issues, maybe something that's happened in your background that you really just don't necessarily—you're not ready to deal with it and don't need to have it brought up all the time. Now, there are many times when we should be willing to give people the benefit of the doubt as well. If we're not sure where they're coming from, or what they mean by certain comments, you know, sometimes people say things and it comes out of left field and you're not really sure what exactly they meant, so sometimes you just give them the benefit of the doubt and you just go on. Eventually you're going to find out what they meant, if it was really a problem or an issue. Sometimes, of course, we need to seek clarity, and we certainly should not assume a person meant something when perhaps they didn't. It might have sounded like they said something, but, you know, if you heard something and you knew it was, you know, it was off-color, not right, then seek clarity on that. Say, am I hearing you correctly here? Did you really say what I thought you just said? And then, you know, if you did understand what they said, then the issue is over, and if you did understand, then perhaps it has to be gone into greater depth. Sometimes we also assume motives incorrectly. We can't read people's minds. We don't always know exactly why they do what they do. So rather than assuming a wrong motive, go seek some clarification. Go to them and find out, you know, what is it? You know, what were they really saying or what were they talking about? The main thing is we want to seek better relationships with each other, and we want to seek reconciliation if we need to be reconciled one to another. Again, God calls us out of this world to be different. We're supposed to be known by the love that we have for each other. You know, and love sometimes takes work. You know, if you love someone, you're going to work on a relationship. You're not just going to avoid a person. That shouldn't be happening in God's Church. You know, I don't go for that. You know, you stay on that side, I'll stay on this side. You know, we've got a big congregation here.

You leave me alone, I'll leave you alone, and everything's okay. Well, everything isn't okay.

That isn't the way it's supposed to be done, and God's not pleased with that type of approach.

So we really do need to work on our relationships. If we have friction, then that friction, we need to work on it, and we need to keep working on it until it's a smooth-running, oily machine. No friction, in other words. God wants us to do that. That's what love is all about.

And again, sometimes it just takes a spirit of forgiveness, but sometimes it takes more than that. You know, you have to also deal with situations when necessary. Also, if we know that our brother has a problem with us, we're also commanded to go to him to try to make amends.

Let's see that in Matthew 5. This again is the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5, verse 23.

Matthew 5, verse 23.

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, if you're going before God, in other words, and there, remember that your brother has something against you.

Okay, again, there's friction here. You know, a brother has something against you. You've done something to offend them, and it's not reconciled. Then leave your gift there before the altar.

Why would God say to do that? Why would Christ say to do this? Because things aren't right.

You know, God wants us to be right. He wants our hearts to be right. He wants us to love each other.

We can't hide from each other. We're part of the same family.

So we have to work on these things. And if someone has a problem, then we have to deal with it.

We have to go to our brother, and we have to deal with it. Leave your gift there before the altar. Go your way. Now, we have a few months before Passover, so now is a good time to start thinking about this. Is there friction in any relationships with God's people? Now's the time to start dealing with it. Don't wait until Passover night, and then decide you need to call somebody up, and ream them out, because they haven't really been the kind of friend that you want or need.

You know, obviously that's not what God wants us to do. So let's think about these things as we approach the Passover. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Remember, you are going to be forgiven in the same manner that you forgive others. If you come to Passover expecting to be forgiven for your sins, and this is a renewal of your covenant with God, and that Christ shed blood, has washed away your sin, then you obviously need to come here having reconciled with your brother, having forgiven your brother or your sister. Otherwise, perhaps you won't be forgiven on that Passover evening, even though you wash people's feet, even though you take the wine, and if you take, you know, you take the wine, you eat the bread, you know the bread is supposed to signify a unified body. We all eat of that same unleavened bread.

Christ is that unleavened bread that came down from heaven. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. Jesus Christ forgives people. He doesn't harbor hatred and resentment toward others. So I hope we will really take this to heart these next few months, because we need to clean clean cleanse the wrinkles. The church is to become without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Now, I believe God means that, and I believe it's partly my responsibility to point that out to God's people that we are to become a church without spot, without wrinkle, that we are truly to become unleavened. So we need to work on our relationships with one another, and we need to realize that we need to make amends. And let's start with our families, for one thing, married couples.

Okay, we see each other a lot, don't we? Now, if there's friction in the marriage, that has to be dealt with as well. So if everyone has a repentant heart and mind and a humble spirit and a forgiving spirit, there's no reason why you can't make some progress between now and Passover in your marriage. So work on your marriage. God hates divorce. Don't even think of that. You know, work out these problems with fear, with trembling, and make it happen. With God, all things are possible. Things can improve in your relationship, and God wants them to, and frankly, He expects them to.

So, again, if someone has a problem against you, then go to them in the spirit of humility, as we saw in Matthew 18. If you want to enter God's kingdom, you have to be humble as a little child. And, you know, kids get over things very quickly, don't they? You know, children, they don't harbor a lot of hatred and resentment normally. Little kids, I'm talking about little kids, maybe not teenagers. I'm talking about little small children. You know, they can be mean to each other and then get over it and want to play with each other right away. You know, they have an uncanny ability, it seems, to do that. So we need to consider whether or not we're like a child in that.

Now, whether we're guilty of sin or not, whether we are the one who is offended or the offender, we all have a biblical command to go to our brother and try to resolve the problem, no matter what it is. If we're not able to deal with it on our own, then, in other words, if we can't just forgive and we have that resentment there, then we may need to go and try to, you know, try to get some help and work on that. If we can't let go of it, then we should go to our brother to seek resolution. Now, why is this? Now, I already alluded to this or already mentioned this, but God wants a functional, loving family. That's not hard to understand, is it? That God wants a loving, functional family, not a dysfunctional family. You know, most of us came from dysfunctional families. I did. I came from a dysfunctional family, but I don't want to be in one now.

I want to be in a functional family, one that, you know, really loves each other, every member of the body and sees that every member has something to contribute, something to add, something good, something wonderful to the body. So, God wants us to be a loving, close family.

Relationships are extremely important to God. They are extremely important to Christ.

Close relationships and the ability to solve problems are vital to the health of the body of Christ, His Church. So, we can't just sweep things under the rug. We can't act like they don't exist. It's not right. You know, you've got to get yourself right before God.

Now, some years ago, you might remember that the Council came up with a very profound finding.

One of the Council of Elders, they found that we have not always treated each other in a godly manner. Remember that? Some of you that have been around since the United started, they determined that we, as God's people, have not always treated each other in a godly manner. Now, since then, do you think we've cleared that up? We've solved that problem. It's no longer true.

You know, I'm being somewhat facetious, am I not? Because we've had our share of problems since that was determined. Okay, so that means we just need to work harder, don't we? And we need to take it more seriously and realize that God will hold us accountable for how we treat each other.

God really does want a church without spot, without wrinkle.

It is extremely important that we work on our relationships.

Close relationships and the ability to solve problems are vital to the health of the body of His Church.

So, let's admit it, we haven't always treated each other in a most godly manner. In the most godly manner, right? We haven't done that. But how do we also react when we've been mistreated?

Okay, if you're mistreated, then how do you react? Well, 1 Peter chapter 2 tells us how we should react.

If you've been mistreated or overlooked, offended in certain ways, let's see what the instruction that the Apostle Peter gives us in chapter 2 of 1 Peter. 1 Peter chapter 2 verse 19.

1 Peter chapter 2 verse 19. 1 Peter chapter 2 verse 19.

Well, let's read verse 18 as well. Servants be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and the gentle, but also to the harsh. So, we're talking about servants and masters here, a relationship that existed back then. There were slaves at that time.

So servants or slaves be submissive to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but even to the harsh. For this is commendable, if because of conscience toward God, one endures grief, suffering wrongfully. Notice again, if because of conscience toward God.

In other words, we should have a conscience that wants to please God. We should have a conscience that really wants to do it God's way. So, if you do have such a conscience, then this is the way you're supposed to react when you're mistreated.

It is commendable if because of conscience toward God, one endures grief. Okay, so there's grief. There's hot rocks. Remember we talked about those hot rocks and people keep throwing them at us.

We have a grievance, but if you endure that grief, suffering wrongfully.

He says, for what credit is it if when you are beaten for your faults? No, if you deserve it and you pay the price, you've reaped what you've sown, which is a godly principle, what credit is it if when you are beaten for your faults you take it patiently?

No, there isn't any great commendation in that. You're getting what you deserve.

But on the other hand, if you're mistreated, if you're abused in some way and mistreated, if you're innocent, and yet you're being mistreated, and you take it patiently, you suffer wrongfully, then God says it's commendable.

He commends you for that. But when you do good and suffer, if you take it patiently, this is commendable before God. For to this you were called because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example that you should follow His steps. Yes, we are to become like Christ.

Christ laid His life down for us. And that's the approach that we should have for each other, to lay our lives down for our friends, for other members of the body of Christ.

Who committed no sin, completely innocent, committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth, who when He was reviled did not revile in return. Okay, this is what we're supposed to be doing. We're to follow His example. Have no deceit. When we're reviled, we should not revile in return.

When we suffer, we should not threaten. But Christ committed Himself to Him, to God the Father, who judges righteously. Christ was perfect before His Father. He never sinned. Who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness. Christ died for us. He paid the penalty for us. Our sins are forgiven through the blood of Christ. Christ is now resurrected. He's at the right hand of God. He makes intercession for us, because He loves us. He cares for us. He goes to bat for us.

And we are to follow His example. And it's by these stripes that we are healed. We should come before God in faith when we are anointed, when we are praying for healing. We come before God in faith. Verse 25, for you were like sheep going astray, but have now returned to the shepherd and overseer of your soul. So God wants us to act in a certain way when we've been mistreated.

And He tells us how to react. To react patiently. To forgive.

Again, not to carry that burden or those hot rocks around, those grievances, not to continue to tell the grievance story, but to get over it, and to make amends and to be reconciled. Now again, this is in the context of a servant-master relationship, but it clearly applies to any relationship. Habitual problems, again, they need to be addressed. If things aren't being solved, then they need to be addressed. They're not just going to go away. If they continue to raise their ugly heads, then we have to deal with them. Conflict is going to arise in any close relationship from time to time, and we need to be able to address it in the right way and resolve it. So we should seek to have that spirit of forgiveness, but being human, we're not going to have a perfect spirit of forgiveness. So then we may have to go to our brother and try to work together to resolve an issue. Just stuffing the problem and the emotions that result from it isn't going to solve the problem. Again, it does have to be dealt with, and God tells us to go to our brother if it's necessary. Now, I believe it's safe to say that we as a church in general don't have a very good track record of applying Matthew 18 in the way the head of the church, Jesus Christ intended. Let's admit it, we don't have a great track record.

Applying Matthew 18 correctly is critical if we are to have the unity in the church and if we are to become one with Christ and the Father. If we're going to become like them, then obviously we have to deal with this. Now, it's easy to get involved prematurely as a pastor and bypass the clear instruction of Matthew 18. Many times a pastor is brought into something prematurely. Someone comes to a pastor and says, such and such did such and such. Hmm, okay. Well, have you gone to your brother? Have you discussed this with them? Well, no. No, I haven't. Well, according to Matthew 18, you are to go to your brother alone and you're to go take that first step. So, if you haven't done that yet, guess what? I'm not getting involved because you've got to follow the biblical instruction and go to your brother. Now, there may be rare instances where that there might be a case rarely where maybe that isn't going to work. And if you think you have one of those, then feel free to come and tell me about it and I will consider it. Because there may be a case, maybe, a rare case where that might, you know, because of some extenuating circumstances, you know, I might have to get involved before other things. You know, that's possible. But in many cases, I would send you back to take care of step number one.

So, a pastor should be careful not to get involved until the proper time. He may need to send the person who has come to him, again, back to the offending person before he gets involved, because oftentimes it just makes it worse. If a pastor gets involved before you follow the right instructions, then the offending person really doesn't appreciate that. You know, he really doesn't like the minister being brought in when he was very willing to listen in the first place.

Why didn't you just come to me? I mean, you know, I would have said, fine, you know, I'm sorry. I didn't see it. I wish I hadn't done it. So, you owe that person, you owe that person, to go to him first. Don't bring a minister in on something that isn't necessary. So, if something is a sin that's already gone through the first two steps and the person isn't listening, and there's also been a lot of prayer and fasting, because remember, some things don't happen except by prayer and fasting. So, that should also be a part of going to your brother. Pray and fast about it before you go to your brother. Make sure you've got God's insight before you go to your brother. If you pray about it and fast about it, and it's still very clear that you need to go to your brother, then by all means go to your brother. But pray about it, fast about it, and again, you will get much better results if you approach it in this manner. So, you have to evaluate these relationship problems. How serious are they? Is it a situation that will hurt the church if it isn't resolved, and every effort has been made to resolve it first before a pastor needs to get involved?

Maybe the pastor is the best mediator in a problem at a certain point.

Not always the case. There might be someone who would be, who would know the situation better and who would actually be a better mediator than a pastor. And so that could be one of those other witnesses that you would take back. If he doesn't listen to you alone, then take one or two other people who may know this person possibly better than the pastor does, may know the history better, and perhaps that person would listen to them and make it unnecessary to go any further. Now, I've told, I've had people tell me that it doesn't work. Matthew 18 doesn't work. Have you ever heard that? It doesn't work. Some of you who have been around a long time probably have heard that. You may have thought that yourself. But I'm here to tell you that it does work, but you have to do it in the proper way. It doesn't mean you're always going to get the results that you want, but it will work if it's followed properly. So oftentimes when they say it doesn't work, it means they haven't really tried it or done it in the right way.

They just thought they applied it. They thought they did it, but they really didn't go through all the steps the way they're supposed to. And they didn't pray about it, and they didn't fast about it. And they didn't have their own mind right when they went there in the first place, and they didn't have a spirit of forgiveness when they went. Now, there are many excuses that people use to avoid applying Matthew 18. I think there are fear mechanisms or self-protection mechanisms.

It isn't easy to go to your brother sometimes, is it, and discuss a fault or a sin. It isn't easy, but if Christ says to do it, it is going to work if you do it properly. But again, only when both people humble themselves and are close to God. That's, you know, only when two people are humbling themselves and are willing to listen to one another and make amends. The end result, again, is not always what we want. If a person doesn't listen, then perhaps the best thing for them is to be put out of the church for a while. To be suspended. To be cut off. So that hopefully they will see that their behavior will keep them out of God's kingdom. So there may be a time when it may go to that fourth step where a minister might actually have to disfellowship someone for their own good. And believe me, ministers don't take disfellowshipping someone lightly. At least they shouldn't, certainly. It should be something a last resort. It should only be done if it's going to be in the benefit of the person and the benefit of the church.

Now, we always want to have reconciliation if we want to do it God's way. God wants us to reconcile.

But again, sometimes it isn't possible if a person isn't willing to reconcile.

But we do need to create the opportunity for a win-win situation. And Matthew 18 is made to create just such an opportunity. God put Matthew 18 there for a reason. It is so that you can have a win-win situation. But again, it has to be applied properly.

The results, again, depend on our preparation and how we handle the situation and our reactions and those of others involved as well.

What the end result is and whether we want to or not has no bearing on whether we should follow the procedure. Let me say that again. What the end result is and whether we want to or not, it really has no bearing on whether we should follow the procedure.

We still need to follow the procedure and do it properly. In fact, we're commanded to do it.

We can't just ignore it. We have to do it. If it's of that magnitude, if it's that important, then we should do it. Again, if it's a problem that won't go away, then it's probably of that magnitude and it needs to be dealt with. We just need to make sure that the part we play in the process is a godly one. We have to be right with God. And in order to do that, again, we have to prepare and have a close connection with God and ask Him to be completely in the process with us.

We want God as our partner when we go to our brother. We want His favor. We want His blessing.

So there are many questions that we need to ask ourselves about this topic.

Why should we go to our brother? What are the goals? What are the objectives in going to your brother?

Again, ask yourself before you ever do it, why am I doing this? Why am I going to my brother?

Because it's easy to have the wrong goal. And if you have the wrong goal when you go to your brother, then you're going to mess up the process. And it isn't going to work.

It's not going to work the way it should if you don't do it properly. Again, look at the context of Matthew 18. Humility. You've got to go humbly as a little child. You've got to be willing to go after the lost sheep. You have to have love for that lost sheep. You have to want to help the person. And you have to be setting a good example yourself. You have to be a forgiving person yourself. So if you don't have the right goal, you're going to lose your brother. You're going to make it worse. You're going to cause more friction between you and your brother.

So if you have the wrong goal, it's going to come out. A person's going to see that.

Don't go before you have analyzed why you're going. What is your goal? So let's talk about what some of our goals should be when we go to our brother. Let's think I've got four goals. Number one, we go to our brother so we can be one as God and Christ are one.

Okay, we go to our brother because we want to be like God. And we want to be like Christ. And we want to work these issues out and have love there, not friction. Okay, we want love to be there, not friction. If there's friction, then there's some love lacking. There has to be more love.

In John 17, let's go there for a moment. Christ talks about how he and his father are one.

Remember, Jesus Christ, the one who is known as the Word or the Logos or the spokesman, was with the Father from the very beginning.

They inhabit eternity. They're the closest of friends. They are truly at one. They love each other completely. John 17, verse 20, Christ said, I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in me through their Word. So not just the disciples that were there with Christ at the time, but all of his disciples throughout history, including you and me. We are Christ disciples. He says, I'm praying for them as well, that they all may be one as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they also may be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.

So we need to have a united front so the world will see something different, something unique, something wonderful, where God's people really do love each other. Again, this is a gigantic area. The Dallas-Fort Worth area is huge, but I think if we would learn to apply this as a small congregation in the midst of millions of people, at the right time, God would make us known.

At the right time, in his time. And we could make a difference around this vast area.

But we have to have some vision. You have to have some vision. I have to have some vision for something greater in the future, something better than what we've seen in the past.

So I and my Father are one. I and me, me and you, that they also may be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me, and the glory which you gave me I have given them, that they may be one just as we are one. So God really does want us to be like him and like his Son, and have that unity. Our oneness can be a challenge, can it? But it is to be a sign to the world that we are indeed the people of God. We will be known by the love that we have for each other, not by the fight, not by the friction. We will be known by the love that we have for each other. Being one at this level requires true sacrifice. It requires real love, godly love.

It requires that we use all the fruits of the Spirit and the attributes of God, including humility, including forgiveness, including wisdom. The oneness that Christ is praying for will not happen magically while we just sit back and expect God to make it happen.

It does require focused dedication, and it requires a focused love for each member of the body of Christ. It is your job to get to know each other, all of it, all of everyone in this room.

Spread yourself out, get to know each other. Don't become clique-ish, because each and every person in here is a member of the body of Christ. And we should know each other, and we should learn to love each other. Secondly, so the first goal again, we want to be one as Christ is one, and as the Father are one, that's got to be our number one goal, to become like God and like Christ, and have that oneness. Secondly, our goal should be to help our brother not continue in a sin that is hurting him and could be hurting others.

Sin hurts everyone, even if we think we are the only ones who are suffering. The sin of one person hurts the entire church. What weakens a member weakens the entire body.

That's why we have to be repentant people, and we have to repent of our sins continually, daily, consistently. Sin not only hurts innocent people, but also potentially destroys the spiritual life as well as the physical life of the sinner. They could be cast into the lake of fire eventually because of a sin that isn't repented of. So is this concern for the sinner your motivation? Do you love the person and do you really want to help them put sin out of their lives? Even when we're motivated by love, it is a difficult process. Sometimes we have to love someone enough to possibly allow them to hate us for a while. Sometimes it may come to that.

They may not appreciate your involvement. I know there are times when people haven't appreciated my involvement, and maybe they hate me for it. I don't know. I hope not.

There are times when you have to do something that you really don't want to do in some ways, because it's the right thing to do. So you have to do it. I haven't had to disfellowship very many people, thankfully. Very, very few people. In 25-plus years in the ministry, it's been very few. I've had to disfellowship, but I've had to in a few cases, and I believe it's always been for their good. It was necessary. It was something that had to be done.

The second point again, go to your brother because you love them, and you want to see them repent and change. And thirdly, another goal is to be reconciled with your brother.

It should hurt if there's friction there, and you should want to be reconciled. You should have a desire to be reconciled with your brother. Again, Matthew 18 tells us what God's goal is in the exercise. It is to regain your brother. You want to gain your brother. You want to be reconciled. So that has to be a very important goal that you have in mind. And again, number four, another goal is to help your brother be reconciled to God, because sin separates a person from God.

And if a person has sinned, and they may not even realize it, they may blind it to it, so going to them and saying, have you thought about what you did? Do you realize that's a sin?

It's a sin against God. And in order to be reconciled to God, you're going to have to repent of that. You're going to have to stop doing what you're doing.

If the reason you're going to your brother is a sin that is separating him from God, and it's not just a relationship issue, of course this needs to be a primary goal to help that person be reconciled to God. We follow Matthew 18 mainly for the good of our brother and for the good of the church, not for our own good. That's not the main reason, not just to make life easier for us or better for us.

If we are the ones, or if we are the only ones who will benefit from going to our brother, then it is better to let ourselves suffer a little, perhaps, and just forget about it.

We have to make that judgment call.

But we go to our brother because if they continue on that path, again, it will hurt them or it will hurt the church. It will hurt other members of the church. Many times we don't go to our brother because we are thinking of the pain or stress that it is going to add to our lives. Because, again, it isn't easy to always go to your brother, and so we don't want to get involved.

Sometimes a good thing to consider in order to do what is right is to ask yourself, what is the hardest thing to do in this situation?

Many times, if not most of the time, we will find that what is the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. Not always, but oftentimes we'll find that the hardest thing is the right thing to do. And it takes courage, and we have to have faith that God will give us courage. There is a lot more that could be said and will be said about this topic. It is a rather large topic because it does affect the church in so many different ways. So we shouldn't go through it quickly. We should take the time to consider it. Next time we are going to talk about some common mistakes that we make when we go to our brother. There are quite a few mistakes people make when they go to their brother, so we are going to dissect it a bit.

And we are going to go through some of those mistakes. We will cover many more issues in regard to this particular topic. But I can't tell you how important this topic is. I mean, this is one of the most important topics that could ever be covered, because it affects your relationship with everyone here. It affects my relationship with everyone here.

How you deal with this is critical. For us to have a loving, functional church family, not dysfunctional, it's going to take work on everyone's part. It's going to take humility, and it's going to take a heart, a desire to make things better, to make things right.

Now, I have no doubt that God will bless us as a church, as a congregation, as a people. He'll bless us individually. He'll bless us collectively. If we'll listen to these sermons about going to our brother, if we will apply them, and if we'll live by them.

So being able to apply Matthew 18 and going to your brother in a proper way is one of the most critical issues that God's people need to understand and follow. If we do apply Matthew 18 correctly and we do go to our brother in a proper manner, we will certainly see the church be strengthened, and we will see the relationships within the church grow better, grow stronger.

Frankly, we should not be avoiding each other at all.

You should... I mean, if you have something there, then it should be dealt with. There's friction, should be dealt with. I can honestly say I don't have anything against anyone. I haven't been here that long, right? I have not developed anything against anyone. I hope I'll be able to say that 15 years from now, 10 years from now, 5 years from now. If I have a spirit of repentance and a spirit of forgiveness, I'll always be able to say that. And I want all of us to be able to say that. We will most certainly have greater unity and be more pleasing to our Heavenly Father and His Son if we apply Matthew 18 and do it properly.