Go to Your Brother, Part 2

Brethren, several weeks ago I gave a sermon that I entitled, A Spirit of Forgiveness.

And in this sermon I stress the importance of all Christians having a spirit of forgiveness.

We all need to realize that we are forgiven by God when we're genuinely repentant and when we're also willing to forgive others who have wronged us and sinned against us. God says He will forgive us in the same manner that we forgive others. So obviously this is a very, very important topic.

For us humans, forgiving others is primarily being able to no longer harbor hatred, to no longer harbor anger and resentment against one who has sinned against us. Basically, we have to stop murdering them in our hearts because that's really what we're doing when we have that anger, that hatred, that resentment. We're committing a sin. We're breaking the sixth commandment, thou shall not murder as we are murdering them in our hearts. Now, having a spirit of forgiveness allows this letting go of anger, of hatred, of resentment. So it's extremely important that we have this spirit of forgiveness. We're also able to do so largely by realizing and admitting our own sins and being very grateful that God forgives us when we repent. So remember to pray, Father forgive them, for they know not what they do. This is a prayer that will help you learn to forgive also. Now, there are some very abusive sins that would certainly make it a lot more difficult to rid oneself of anger, of hatred, and resentment. And it's difficult for one who has not had such grievous sins committed against them to comprehend just how difficult that could be. So of course we need to be very patient with ourselves if we've been abused by someone and also with others who have been treated so horribly in their lives. So one of the reasons I gave the sermon on a spirit of forgiveness was, again, to help us see the importance of it, but also to lay a foundation for a series of sermons on the topic of going to your brother. So about a month ago I gave the first sermon in the Go to Your Brother series. It's not going to be a long series, by the way. In fact, it may end today. We'll see. About a month ago, again, I gave this first sermon. And in that sermon we talked about the four-step process of going to our brother that we find in Matthew 18. Now here it covers the when of going to your brother. It also covers some of the how to go to your brother, and we talked about that to some length in that first sermon.

To review, number one, the first step, if your brother sins against you, you are to go to him alone. So if you go when a brother sins against you, you don't necessarily get involved if it's not a sin against you. If it's someone else, then it's their first step to do something.

So that's part of it. So you go to your brother alone as well, and if he hears you and repents, you have gained your brother. Then the second step, if he doesn't hear you, then you are to bring one or two more witnesses to approach him with the truth of the matter so that the truth can be established. So if he hears you then, and he hears your witnesses, then you have gained your brother. And that's, of course, what we want. But the third step is, if he refuses to hear and admit his wrongdoing, then you are to go to the church, specifically to the church authorities, somebody who could act, could make a decision in this regard. And if he hears the church authority and he repents, then again you have gained your brother. And it's been a very positive outcome.

The fourth step is, if he refuses to hear the church, he will not admit his wrongdoing, then he is to be suspended or to be disfellowshipped from church attendance and from fellowship with the people of God. It's actually for his own good, because he needs to see the gravity of what he's doing and repent of his sin, because it's only when we repent of our sins, our sins forgiven. Now, in that first sermon on this topic, we also talked about the importance of following Matthew 5, verses 23 and 24, in regard to going to someone you know has something against you personally. Remember the Scripture, if you go to the altar and you realize that someone has something against you, you're to leave your gift there at the altar and you're to go back and reconcile with this person who has something against you. You need to try to make amends, otherwise your prayers and your worship will be hindered. So when there's friction involved, when there's issues between people, they really do need to be resolved and not just swept under the rug. That's not really resolving them, it's just hiding from them. And that's not the way to deal with these issues. Now, today we're going to deal with more on how to go to your brother, some more specifics on how to go to your brother, and we'll also cover some common mistakes that people make when going to their brother. So remember that we are to go to our brother if he is sinned against us, or if we are aware of a sin that is going to hurt him or others.

We still should go to a person that's perhaps blinded, doesn't see what he's doing, he maybe hasn't sinned specifically against us, but he has sinned, and that will bring reproach upon him and perhaps upon the whole church as well. So we still have an obligation if we see a person in his sins, he's not repentant, and he needs, he's blinded to this fact.

Now we don't need to, and we shouldn't go to a brother over picky little things. That's not what I'm saying. You know, that's something we certainly want to avoid, is going to someone over picky things, things that the person's already aware of, things that he's already working on. We all sin at times, and we're immediately repentant for what we've done. And so, you know, you don't have to go to your brother and rub it in, so to speak, when that happens. You have to use wisdom here, of course.

Some things aren't necessarily sin, but they may just be an annoyance to us.

Maybe someone has some proclivities that are just great on us. That's not a sin, and you don't have to go and, you know, you don't have to bring that up. Those are issues that in time, maybe they'll come to see that they're annoying, but you don't have to necessarily always bring that up.

And perhaps it's a—you know, I hate to use a smaller sin, because I don't know that any sins are small. You know, sin is sin, and sin will kill you, and the wages of sin is death. They're all serious sins, but there are some sins that, again, a person's basically aware of it, and maybe it's a spirit of the law type thing, where maybe they're still harboring some anger. They haven't been able to get rid of it. They're trying to get rid of it. Again, you don't have to go to a person when you see it's something like that. But if they're blinded and it's hurting them and hurting others, then we really do need to help them see their sins. Now, sometimes we have to get over reluctance to go to our brother. It's just natural to be reluctant to go confront somebody. Most of us don't like to do that. Now, there are some personalities that actually like that.

And that's not necessarily the best way to be, so it's better to have some reluctance.

But nevertheless, if it's the right thing to do, it's the right thing to do.

So why might a person be reluctant to approach a brother who has sinned against them?

Well, number one, it could be fear. Fear would be normal to have a little fear about going to a brother. Why is that? Well, you may think it won't do any good and will only make your relationship worse. And in fact, that is a valid fear. Sometimes that may be the case. It may indeed go that way, but does that mean you ought not follow the biblical instructions regarding going to your brother? You have to try to make a difference in a case like that, so you shouldn't let your fear override doing the right thing. In Proverbs 28 verse 23, Solomon says, He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterwards than he that flatters with the tongue.

So a person who flatters someone, you know, that's really not a godly approach either. God doesn't want us buttering people up and flattering one another. He wants us to be genuine. He wants us to be sincere. But a sincere rebuke will find more favor afterwards. It may not, not maybe at that moment you're actually rebuking the person, but once the person's had a chance to think about it, he may come and thank you for your willingness to get involved.

So that's what Proverbs 28 verse 23 is basically saying.

Secondly, you may be reluctant to go to someone because you have a fear or regard for what that brother may think of you personally. He may think you're self-righteous. He may think, I'm just out to get him in trouble. He may think, well, I'll turn the tables and expose some of your sins.

But does that again mean you ought not go to him as instructed in the Bible?

We do need to have courage, and God will give us courage to do the right thing. And thirdly, another reason why a person might be reluctant is because maybe you just don't have enough love to get involved. Maybe you just don't love the person enough to get involved, so you're reluctant to do it. Just, you know, God will take care of him someday down the line. He'll get what's coming to him. So maybe you just don't have enough love to get involved. Now, let's talk about some specifics on how to go to our brother.

Okay, first of all, make sure that you're the one who should be going to your brother.

Make sure you're the one that God is calling to do this.

Getting involved prematurely, if you're not in the original situation, can be a huge mistake. Remember, it is if he sins against you, not someone else. Maybe someone came to you and told you about the dirty, low-down dealing that this other person had with them.

But they don't have enough courage to go take care of it themselves, and they want you to do it.

Well, if it doesn't bother them enough to go do something about it, or if they don't love the person enough, it shouldn't necessarily be you that gets involved.

So you shouldn't necessarily be the first emergency responder. You know, somebody comes to you and you immediately have to rush in and get involved.

Perhaps getting involved in step number two, maybe you should just tell them, well, look, you know, you should go to this person.

You should go talk to them, and you know, if they don't listen, if they're ugly about it, then come back and tell me, and then maybe we can go together. And together we can establish the truth and hopefully help the person that's sinning.

So don't get involved in a situation that you really shouldn't get involved in. That's the first thing. Pray about it and make sure it's something that you need to do.

If you become aware of a sin that isn't necessarily against you personally, again, someone comes to you and tells you about the sin of another person, again, it would be proper for you to encourage them to go talk to the person.

You need to go talk to them. You're the one that saw this happen. You're the one that has firsthand knowledge. And really, you shouldn't be gossiping to me about it anyway.

You should go talk to them personally. That's the right thing to do. Not spread it around and tell other people about this person's sins, but go to them directly.

So if the offender doesn't listen, doesn't acknowledge his sin, then again, you could take a second person then. But don't get someone else involved prematurely. You do your part first and try to contain the matter. You know, that's a godly thing, is to contain the matter because you love the person and other people don't need to know about a particular sin or an issue that you're dealing with unless the person is not willing to listen. And then, perhaps, step number two has to go into effect. So the point I'm making now is make sure that you're the one who should be going to your brother. A second thing that we need to be sure about when we go to our brother is make sure your motivation is proper. Make sure your motivation is right, that your motivation is good. This is very important. What's in your heart? Analyze yourself. You know, why do you want to get involved? Again, we should consider the four points that I gave earlier in the first sermon about our goals when going to a brother who has sinned against us. What are those goals? Number one, we want to become one with our brother as Christ and the Father are one. Christ and the Father set an example for us. They love each other. They're close to each other. They care for each other, and that's what we want with a brother or sister in Christ.

Secondly, another goal is to help a brother see himself and to repent of sin that is hurting him. Even though he may not realize it, every sin hurts the sinner. It also hurts other people.

Thirdly, another goal is to be reconciled to our brother and have that relationship breach restored. You know, this should be a goal that we want to be reconciled. And number four, number four, another goal was to help your brother be reconciled to God. I mean, that's all important, that the person is reconciled to God by coming to true repentance and by being able to see their sin and admit it.

Now, what are some common wrong motivations for going to your brother? There are some common things, reasons why people go, which really aren't godly reasons, but they do it anyway. One thing could be that we're just very, very sensitive ourselves, and it's our insecurities that are causing us to overreact, and we're blowing things out of proportion, and we really need to keep them in check and have a right motivation ourselves and a right reason for going to this person. Again, we may need to give a person the benefit of the doubt, too. Oftentimes, we don't know all the facts, and we go in there thinking that we do know all the facts, and soon we realize, uh, I didn't know nearly what I should have known here.

Now, if a sin continues to be a problem and you see a destructive pattern, obviously then the issue needs to be addressed. But again, we should look at our motivation, and we shouldn't be motivated just because we're overreacting or we're insecure about something ourselves.

Secondly, another wrong motivation would be to punish the person. Okay, that's not why we go to a brother is to punish them. You know, God is the one that takes vengeance, not us. We're not supposed to take vengeance. God is the one that has that responsibility or that right, and we don't. So, it shouldn't be to punish the person or to get even with the person for something they've done to you in the past.

Another wrong motivation would be to just to get something off your chest to make you feel better. So, you have to, you know, go lash out at someone to make you feel better, to feel good about making someone else feel bad. So, you have to look at your motivation. Another bad motivation would be to justify yourself, to make yourself, again, feel good by making someone else feel bad. You don't want to put a person in their place, so to speak. And another one is just to correct someone, just to feel the power of being able to correct someone. There's no power in that.

You know, that's not a good motivation. Correction may be involved, but that isn't our goal. Again, God will intervene and will help a person see themselves as well. God may use you at times to do that, so you have to make sure that God is motivating you to do this, though. Let's go to Leviticus chapter 19, where we'll read verses 15 through 18. Leviticus chapter 19 verses 15 through 18. Here it says, You shall not be partial to the poor, nor honor the person of the mighty. Remember, we're not to be a respecter of persons, but in righteousness shall you judge your neighbor.

So you need to be sure that you're being righteous as you get involved with your neighbor. You shall not go about as a tale-bearer or a gossip among the people. Neither shall you stand against the life of your neighbor. You don't want to make this person's life miserable. You're, again, there to be a help to the person. I am the Eternal.

You shall not hate your brother in your heart, and you shall surely rebuke your neighbor, though. There is a time to surely rebuke your neighbor, and it actually goes along with loving your neighbor. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall surely rebuke the person if he needs it, and not bear sin because of him. In other words, don't allow him to go on sinning without a challenge by a neighbor who cares for him and who loves him. So we do have a responsibility to get involved in some cases.

You shall not take vengeance nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Eternal. So this is Old Testament, the God of the Old Testament. Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. There is a tremendous continuity between the Old and the New Testament, and many people don't realize it. But it's clearly there if you prayerfully study the Bible and allow God to show you who he is. So that was the second principle. Again, the second, make sure your motivation is proper. Make sure your motivation is right when you go to a brother.

And thirdly, and perhaps this is the most important point of all, first and foremost, humble yourself. Go to your brother only after an extensive humbling process of prayer, of fasting, and of also self-searching. So be very careful before you go in there with guns blazing. Make sure that you've humbled yourself. And if the other person knows there's a problem and knows that you're aware that there is a problem, then perhaps you could talk to this person and you could both agree to fast about it before you come together.

So that both people are prepared to talk about it in a godly manner. So if it's possible, inform the person that you have something of importance to talk to them about, and ask that they join you in fasting and in praying about it so that gods will be done and so that the truth is known. Now, if this isn't possible, you may need to fast after you've had the initial conversation.

Depending on how the person reacts, if they're willing to fast about it then, then encourage them and let's fast together. Because, again, we want God's solution. We don't want our own solution. We want God's solution to the matter.

And then you can come back together after you fasted and discuss it some more and perhaps come to the right frame of mind that God would have both of you have.

So you want to meet when both of you are in an attitude of humility, hopefully. I mean, that would be ideal when both people are close to God and as much as possible close to each other. That both people see that this conversation is happening out of love, not any other reason.

So this should be our goal of fasting and meeting together. Again, it shouldn't be because we want vengeance. It shouldn't be because we want to get something off our chest or just clear the air.

It shouldn't be because we hold a grudge. It shouldn't be because we're bitter.

You know, go to God with your bitterness first and then go to your brother.

So it's only possible when both people humble themselves that they'll both have the mind of Christ. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus. That's our goal, to think like Christ. If you can't go to your brother in this frame of mind after fasting once, then you need to fast again and continue to fast until you have a better frame of mind so that you can get together and something worthwhile will come of the meeting. So this is crucial for resolution and for your brother hearing you. And if you don't have the right goal, you will take the time. If you're not going to take the time to do it in the right way and you don't have the right goal, then don't go at all.

Don't go, because it will only be worse. Now, our approach when going to a brother who has sinned against us, again, it's extremely important. Your goal is to help your brother. It's to be reconciled with him. It's to help him see himself perhaps better. Of course, you have to see yourself, and we'll talk about that in a moment.

Maybe it will never be appropriate for a person to know all the facts about a situation either. Sometimes you just have to take a person at their word. Maybe they don't want to share every single thing with you, because they really can't, because it's a bigger situation that could bring other people into it. Sometimes you have to have faith in a person, too, and trust them.

Maybe you don't understand what a person has been struggling with. You don't have any idea, really, what all's going on. Maybe there have been misperceptions and misunderstandings.

Perhaps you have some repenting to do yourself on the spot, and don't realize it until you get with your brother, and you start talking about things. Then perhaps you'll come to see that you're partially at fault as well. So that's why you have to be humble, so that you can accept that if that's the case. We may see that we have been a part of the problem.

Now, we may see that we're not nearly as blameless as we first thought.

We may see that we had a part to play in the situation, and why the person reacted the way they did, why they made the decision that they made. But until you get together and discuss it, you may never know these things. So there are times when you just have to go and go there with that right goal, that right motivation. Hopefully we'll come to see ourselves as clearly as we think we see the offender's part in a situation. So ask God about these things in advance, through sincere prayer, through fasting and really beseeching God's mind. Also ask Him to help the offender see himself as well. But first and foremost, ask Him to help you see yourself, and if there's anything that you have done to contribute to a problem between you and someone else. Showing this humility and willingness to be vulnerable. We have to sometimes open up ourselves and be vulnerable ourselves when we go to someone else.

We have to be willing to share our imperfections and help the offender see himself. Sometimes we have to admit that, yes, we weren't perfect either. We weren't totally blameless. Nevertheless, my bad behavior doesn't give you the excuse to do what you did either. Sometimes these things have to be said. So it is important to go to a person in a respectful and loving way that shows you love and appreciate that person and that you know that they are a valuable member of the body of Christ. So we are all human, we all have our weaknesses, and we should want this closeness with another person. We should not allow that friction to be there. God wants us to clear up these issues.

So when you go to your brother, go in a way that you would want him to come to you. If the shoe was on the other foot, then how would you want him to come to you? Then you go to him in the same manner, thinking of that golden rule. And if you've never been on the other side of things, just wait around and you probably will be one day. Someone will have something against you. If you have something against someone, eventually someone is probably going to have something against you. Now let's go to Galatians chapter 6 and consider some important verses here in the book of Galatians. Galatians chapter 6 verses 1 through 5.

Paul says, Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. Now what's Paul saying here? You who are spiritual. Well, hopefully you're all spiritual, right? If you're a part of the body of Christ, you're called to be spiritual. So he's saying that you who are spiritual, you need to do your part. You need to restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted. You're not perfect, you're not above reproach, perhaps yourself. Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. So that's pretty humble, right?

Realizing that you're really nothing. God is perfect. God is blameless, but you aren't.

You're not blameless. There's not a single person here who's blameless. We all bear some of the blame. So we have to be humble about this and realize it. Otherwise, we deceive ourselves. Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks himself to be something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Sin is very deceitful. But let each one examine his own work and then he will have rejoicing in himself alone and not in another. For each one shall bear his own load. We all reap what we sow. We're all going to pay a price. For our sins, there isn't a single person who isn't going to be sure their sins will find them out.

So we're all in this together. We all have the same human problem. And it is sin in our lives. Not a single one of us who doesn't have some sin somewhere in his life.

Now, if this is not a matter of what some people might call a serious sin that would hurt the person or others, but again, just a matter of a relationship breach, then you may want to do this several times before you take it to the next level. Person may not get it right away. You might have to back off. You're trying to ease the friction. So you go to a person with the hopes of easing the friction. It doesn't seem to help much. But maybe it helps a little. So you back off and you try it again later. And then you back off and you try it again before you get someone else involved.

If you're making a little bit of progress, then thank God for that and keep coming going back to your neighbor before you take it to the next level. The lower the level in the process, those four steps that we talked about, the lower level in which a problem is resolved, the better. And the easier it is to gain your brother. The fewer people that are involved, the better. Most relationship issues between converted people who are really acting in a converted way should be worked out in stage one. Step one, if you go in a spirit of forgiveness and the person who's offended has a spirit of repentance, that's a winning combination.

So, typically, if both people are acting in a converted way, then most things should be worked out in step one. Go to your brother. The brother knows that you care for them, that you love them, they're repentant, they're sorry, and the breach is healed.

Let's go on to a fourth how-to here. A fourth point. When you go to your brother, again, go privately to him or her. And go in person, if at all possible. Emails don't really cut it.

Telephone calls usually aren't the best either. If it's a serious enough matter that you have to go to a person about a significant issue, then go face-to-face.

If you talk to the ministry or to another person first, you will often alienate your brother.

They don't really appreciate you bringing someone else in. And again, they may already feel badly about what they've done.

And if you'll just go to them and strike up a conversation about it, then that may be all it takes. You don't need to go to step number two and bring someone else in on it. It's much harder to win a person back if you brought other people in. In Proverbs 18, verse 19, Solomon says, "...a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and their contentions are like the bars of a castle." The bars of a castle are very strong. They're designed to be very, very strong. So when someone becomes contentious and a brother is offended, it's harder to win them than a strong city. So again, we need to be careful when we approach a brother in this way.

Now, this word that's translated, offended, is a Hebrew word, pashah. It's a primitive root, which means to break away from just authority. That is, to trespass, to apostasize, to quarrel, to offend, to rebel, to revolt, to transgress. Although this scripture is used, this scripture that I'm talking about, it's often used to prove that if you offend someone by your actions, it's harder to win them back than a walled city. So try not to offend them. It can be used in that matter, but there's more to this scripture. Again, it may be looked at. It is a valid point to look at it that way, but also, this scripture is also focusing on the fact that once a brother apostasizes, once a brother sins or rebels against a just authority, it's hard to win him back. He's perhaps too far gone by then. So that is a warning to all of us to be careful that we don't allow ourselves to go that far, to sin in that manner, because it's hard once we've gone to that extent. It's difficult for us to come back. So we need to be repentant people. Strive not to sin in the first place, obviously. And when you do sin, then be repentant quickly. Have that attitude and that approach. Again, it's a big mistake if you use the wrong method of going to someone, or if you have bad timing. Approaching them at church, like right here in this hall after services today, probably not the best approach. You don't want to go to someone when there's 10 or 15 other people around. That's not a good environment to bring an issue up like this. You need to use wisdom again, not emails, not phone calls, but set a time to get together. It is a matter that might be a good way to get together. It is a matter that must be done face-to-face and heart-to-heart, so you can see reactions, so you can clear up misunderstandings, so you can read each other. And it must be done with tenderness and thoughtfulness. And all of this is almost impossible to do in an email or on the phone. So do it in private and do it in a place where the person doesn't feel threatened any more than necessary. The person needs to feel as safe as possible and doesn't need to feel attacked.

You know, if you go in there with your claws out, what's the normal reaction? It's to fight back.

So again, that's why it's important to fast about these things. Pray about them and come humbly to your brother. So keep the issue in a very narrow arena so it will not damage reputations.

If this isn't done accurately, it is related to tail-bearing and gossip. And God condemns gossip and tail-bearing. So be careful with these issues. Go to your brother. A fifth, how to go to your brother, is admit you're part of the problem. Especially if it's a relationship problem. Oftentimes, there's sin on both sides. There's wrong dealing on both sides. You could have been more sensitive, perhaps, in the way you dealt with something. Maybe you didn't mean to offend the other person, but you did because you could have done whatever you did more thoughtfully. And so you have to analyze these things and be willing to see your own part in the issue, the problem. Showing your sincere ability to take responsibility for your part of the problem helps the other person do the same.

Now, if you go there and say, look, I'm sorry that I reacted in the way that I did. I should have never done that. It was my fault. I'm sorry. Please accept my apology. I should not have done it that way. I obviously meant to do it, or I wouldn't have done it. So you can't say, I didn't mean to do it, because you probably meant to do it. But looking back, you wish you hadn't done it, because it caused friction. So that's point number five. Point number six, and how to go to your brother. Show that you relate to what they are struggling with, if it applies. If you do relate, then let them know that you relate. I mean, you can understand why they did what they did. Had I been in the same situation, I might have reacted the same way. So I understand the issue. Some of the best people to help out alcoholics are recovering alcoholics, because they can relate.

Human beings all have issues, and we've all sinned. So to some degree, we should be able to relate, no matter what it is. We should be able to relate to some degree. So let them know that I understand at least to a point why you said what you did, and then go from there. But if they see that you do at least understand somewhat why this might have happened, it makes it a little bit easier for them to own their part in the problem. But you do need to tell it like it is, and there are times when you don't want to hold back. Especially if the 2x4 to the head is necessary. Some people just don't get it unless you have a 2x4. Sometimes you have to wield the 2x4. But not until you've tried everything else.

You try the gentleness, the love, you try that, you keep trying it. If it doesn't work, then sometimes you have to bring the 2x4 out, or maybe a 4x4. And that's real heavy. A sledgehammer.

Hopefully you won't have to go to the sledgehammer.

But show that you relate to what a person is struggling with.

Number seven, in how to go to your brother, realize that you do have an obligation to help clean up the body of Christ. Now this is an important point. Why should you go to your brother? Because you have an obligation to help clean up the body. That's every... that's... everyone has that obligation. If we're to become a church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, it's going to take everybody working together to make that happen. You know, God and Christ first and foremost, bringing them into the equation, but also working together as a church family to see this happen. Now there is a connection between going to your brother and some lessons that you can learn from foot washing.

Now we have a common question that's often asked of us before the Passover season.

Are you willing to wash anyone's feet? Are you willing to wash anybody's feet? Now this is a good question. Again, we've probably heard this quite a few times, but it's usually connected to service. We should love everyone and we should be willing to serve everyone, right? Should be willing to serve anyone, so we should be willing to wash anyone's feet.

But what type of service was Christ providing? Yes, he was serving, but he was also serving but he was also cleaning them up. Their feet were dirty. Their feet needed to be cleansed.

So he was doing his part and setting an example. They were already clean, he said, except Judas, of course, who was in the throes of sin as he was about to betray Jesus Christ. But the other disciples were there with the Messiah, and they were about to become the foundation of his church when God's Spirit would come upon them on the day of Pentecost, and the New Testament church would arise. Their sins would be forgiven, they would be wiped clean soon by the crucifixion and the sacrifice of their Savior, Jesus Christ. Christ knew that was coming. They were going to be totally cleaned up. Christ was going to die for their sins.

But the foot washing was to show that we need Christ to clean us up, but he also said, wash one another's feet. We're all called to wash one another's feet.

We're all called to help clean each other up. So we have to realize that's a part of our responsibility. The disciples needed regular cleansing, of course, by Christ and each other.

They were commanded to help each other stay clean. He set the example, showed them what to do, said continue to do it, and so we do it every year. We wash one another's feet as a memorial of Christ's sacrifice for us, his willingness to die for us and his willingness to clean us up, to help us become unleavened. Every one of us is to become unleavened, to have the sin out of our lives, to put out sin in our lives. So we are all called to help clean each other up. Now, Matthew 7 is a very important few verses here. Our Savior Jesus Christ said, there's a plank that you have to get out of your own eye first. How are you going to be able to clean someone else if you don't get this plank out of your eyes? You can't see properly, because you have a plank in your eye. You have to get this huge plank. I love Basel Wolverton's artistic rendition of this. You know, there was this huge plank coming out of this guy's eye in the spokesman's club manual. Some of you probably remember that. It was like a four by four that was coming way, way out here stuck in the guy's eye.

You can't see very well if you have that big a plank in your eye. So in Matthew 7, again, let's go here. Matthew 7 verse 1, judge not or condemn not is really a better translation. Condemn not that you be not condemned. You know, it's not your place to condemn someone. Now, Christ is our judge. The Father, they judge us. We don't make those kinds of judgments or condemnations. Yes, we're to judge righteous judgment. So if we see a person sin, we know it's a sin. If we know it's a sin, then we're to help them, help clean them up. But first, we have to get the plank out of our own eye. That's where the humility comes in, isn't it? You got to look at yourself first.

For with what judgment or what condemnation you condemn another, you will be condemned yourself. And with the measure that you use, it will be measured back to you. Now, Christ is very consistent. He forgives us as we forgive others.

If we hold grudges, then we're not forgiven.

He says, and why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye?

But you do not consider the plank in your own eye.

Or how can you say to your brother, let me remove the speck from your eye? Let me take that speck out of your eye, because clearly there's a speck there, and I can see it.

Of course, I've got this huge plank probably coming out of both of my eyes, and I can't see anything, except I happen to be able to see the speck in the other guy's eye. It's pretty amazing, somewhat miraculous, but human beings have that capability. They can have two huge planks in their eyes, and still be able to see a speck in someone else's eye. It's quite remarkable.

How can you say to your brother, let me remove the speck from your eye, and look, you've got a plank in your own eye? Hypocrite! Christ liked that word. Hypocrite?

You're a hypocrite. If you have this huge plank in your own eye, and you're concerned about getting the speck out of someone else's eye, you're a hypocrite. First, remove the plank from your own eye. Get the plank out, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck. So he's not saying that you shouldn't help the person remove the speck. But he's saying you better get the plank out of your own eye as well as the speck. Spectacles? No, that's a pun on whatever. Okay, so get the speck out of your own eyes before you try to get the speck out of someone else.

Now, the other person may indeed have a plank in their eye, and it's very easy to see when they do.

And you need to go help them get the plank out of their eye. And if everyone's helping them get the plank out, then hopefully the plank will be removed. Now, if it's that blatant, then we all ought to be going, man, you need to chill out, buddy. You need to stop behaving this way.

You're causing all kinds of problems here. And after the tenth time, maybe you'll start to think, well, maybe I am part of the problem. Again, some people take, you know, they have to get whacked over the head with a 2x4 before they start seeing a little bit more clearly.

So remove the plank out of your own eye before you try to get a speck out of someone else's eye.

So we're all imperfect people trying to help other imperfect people. We may be willing to serve anyone, but are we willing to go to our brother no matter who he is in a humble attitude and help him see his sin? Again, once we've gotten our sins out.

Even more importantly, are we willing to accept cleansing from anyone in the church? Now, are you willing to let someone come to you and tell you that, hey, you got a plank in your eye?

Or you got a 2x4? Maybe it's only 4 feet long instead of 10 feet long.

But you got a problem. Are you willing to let anyone come to you? Anybody?

Would you be able to receive anyone who came to you? Are you humble enough to accept and to listen to anyone who comes as a brother to help wash your feet? Now, sometimes when people wash each other's feet, sometimes they can actually hurt. I remember my wife telling me that there was an elderly lady in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And my wife is very wholehearted, and she was washing her feet. But she was hurting her because she had bad arthritis in her feet. She was being too diligent in cleaning her feet. She needed to back off and be more gentle. Someone may come to you, and they may be rubbing pretty roughly. Now, they may be trying to wash you a little bit, but they're rough.

Maybe they mean well, but maybe their tactics aren't so great. Maybe they're not doing everything that I say to do in this sermon. How are you going to take that? If somebody comes to you, are you going to be up in arms about that and start harassing them for whatever it is they're guilty of as well? The point is, we need to be willing and humble enough to let anybody correct us.

Again, that's why fasting is the first critical step in going to your brother. Fasting and humbling oneself. Again, we should search ourselves through prayer and fasting, make sure we get that plank out first, let us be humbled by our own weaknesses and our own sins so that we can see clearly to help someone else. We should have a humble, on our knees, foot washing approach, a gentle, cleansing approach when we go to a brother to help them. Now, pastors and other elders are first and foremost members. We are also brothers. So, if you have a problem with your pastor, that would be me. You should go to him as your brother. You don't have to tell everyone else and have roast minister. No, really, that's not godly. The godly thing is to come and tell me. If you didn't like my sermon, tell me and tell me why. Tell me you thought it stunk. If you really thought I was really off base and maybe wasn't prepared or whatever it is, have the guts to come and tell me so maybe I can get better at what I do. But don't tell everyone else how lousy I am. That's not really god's way.

And I don't think you're doing that, by the way. I haven't heard that you are. I'm not meaning to say that anyone is. But other elders, too, they're your brothers. You don't need to be afraid to come to us. We're supposed to be the most humble among you, right? I mean, technically, supposedly, the reason we're here is because we're more spiritual-minded. I mean, that's the way it's supposed to work. And you should be able to come to your brother, your elders, your pastor. You should be able to approach them, and they should listen. That's the way it's supposed to work.

So I hope you will come to me if ever I offend you, if ever I sin against you. Certainly, I would want you to, because it is not my desire or intent to hurt anyone. My desire and intent is to serve you faithfully, and to always serve you faithfully, and to never let down.

So please, feel free to come to me if ever you need to. You have my permission.

Now, what are some common reactions that we have when others come to us?

What are some common reactions? Let me go through this quickly.

First of all, pride is a common reaction. We naturally put up walls to protect ourselves from criticism and admitting that we're wrong. As human beings, we have to fight pride. Satan's big sin was basically pride. He thought much better of himself than he should have.

Admitting you are wrong is oftentimes one of the most difficult things to do. It eventually comes back to pride. We can preserve pride at the expense of many things, including broken relationships. Don't try to preserve your pride. It's not worth preserving.

We're called to be humble people. Led by the Spirit of God, God is humble, and yet God is all-powerful. We should humble ourselves and not allow pride to get the best of us. Proverbs 17 verse 10 says, a reproof enters more into a wise man, or correction enters more into a wise man than a hundred stripes into a fool. You can get a fool up here and you can whack him a hundred times, and he's not going to get it as well as someone who's wise.

If you go to them in the right spirit and you correct them, even if you don't have the right spirit, and you correct them if they're wise, they'll listen. Because their desire is to become more like God and to be like Christ. So pride is a common reaction. Another human tendency, when we are approached, is making excuses. Again, justifying ourselves, trying to take the heat off of us and putting it in on someone else or making excuses in all kinds of ways.

A third one is going on the attack ourselves. Someone comes to us, okay, well I'm going to attack with greater force. That's carnal. That's not God's way. That's Satan's way. Number four, minimizing the problem and accusing the person of being overly sensitive. Ah, you're just overly sensitive. You know, just because I did what I did, you're over... just because I told a crude joke that was pathetic and disgusting, don't be so overly sensitive.

Don't react in that way.

Some people say you shouldn't be offended by this. It's not a big problem. It's not...you know, don't worry about it. Some would say you shouldn't be offended. Others aren't offended by me. I'm just this way. I'm stubborn. Some people take pride in being stubborn. I've never understood that. Stubborn is not a good quality unless it's stubborn for the right reasons and for the right things. You know, there is a right type of stubbornness, but this is...this was not the right type of stubbornness that this person I'm thinking of took pride in.

How can we make it safe for others to come to us? How can you make...how can you...how can it be safe? How can you make it safe for others to come to you? By...I mean, this is a general statement here, but by being filled with God's...the fruit of God's Spirit.

When God's Spirit is working in a person, then people see that and they're more willing to go to them. So hopefully that's the kind of aura that we're all putting out.

I'm led by the Spirit of God. You know, you're not going to offend me.

Just tell me what it is. You know, we're brothers, we're sisters here.

So we should be filled with the fruit of God's Spirit. And you know what the fruits of God's Spirit are. You know what they are? Go to Galatians 5 if you need to look them up. If you need to look them up, you probably don't know what they are, and they may not be that prominent in you. So it is a big responsibility for the ministry and the Church, this going to your brother. If the other parties, again, need to fast and be close to God, how much more should the ministry, who are always going to be in situations, it is important for me to fast, to pray, to be close to God so that I will react properly. It's important for all of us to do this. We all need to set the right example in this way for each other.

This requires an intimate and ongoing closeness and connection with God and with Christ. If we're going to have best results, we all need to be close to Christ. And also, for the ministry, when we are given a big responsibility, like binding and loosing, making decisions on whether someone comes to church or doesn't come to church, those are very, very important decisions that should never be taken lightly. People come to the ministry for godly advice, they come for godly answers. The ministry is held accountable for these decisions, and it is important that we do have God's mind on these things. Each one of these decisions can result in either cutting someone off from the body of Christ or allowing a cancer to remain within the body and to spread, eventually taking over the body if it's allowed to spread. It could be sexual sins, it could be different types of addictions, drunkenness, any number of deadly sins that spread like wildfire at times, or produce a numbness in members of the church that shouldn't be there. So, for the good of the church and the individuals involved and the ministry and all those involved, we must all humbly go before God each day and draw near to God. Remember, if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us.

Whether the reason for fulfilling Matthew 18 is hurt feelings, someone's hurt and they have to work on that, or a relationship problem, or a deadly sin that could result in harm to the individual or the body of Christ, going to your brother in the right way is a skill that we must all learn and it is an important part of having a healthy church family. And again, I started with a spirit of forgiveness because that's very, very important that we all have that.

Now, we should teach this to our children as well. Teach this skill to your children early on. My wife and I literally had our kids go to their brother or sister when there was a problem between them. Help your children perfect this at a young age by going to their brother or sister or their friends at church or at school. Teach them to practice this because it is a godly way in dealing with relationships with others. So, kids, if you can learn these lessons now when you're young, you children out there, you'll be healthier and stronger when you're adults.

So, start early parents in teaching your children about this lesson. It's not too soon. Small children can learn this lesson. I remember when our kids were fighting, when they were not getting along, we would make them sit together and hug each other. That was how we disciplined them oftentimes. You need to sit down there, and I want you to wrap your arms around your sister and show her that you love her.

Before long, they're laughing and they get over it pretty quickly.

But that's how you can teach them. This is, encourage them to go to their brother or their sister, work out the problem, don't carry the grudge around. So, it's a good thing to do. If they're not getting along, then make them hold hands until they're starting to get along. They won't want to hold hands too long, so they're going to learn that it's better to get along well and they might try to snow you and act like they're getting along better, but you can usually tell. And, of course, there are times when, now, tattling, I suppose, has its place, children, tattling on your brother or sister. But first, go to your brother first before you tattle on them.

Like, if your brother does something he shouldn't, then go to your brother and say, you know, Mama Dad said we weren't supposed to take those cookies out of the cookie jar. So, do you want to go tell them, or do you want me to?

Do you want to go tell them that you did this, or would you rather I do it?

I'd rather I really don't want to, but you shouldn't have done this, and you know it. So you should go confess, and if you go to them, then they will think much more highly of you than if I have to tell them, especially after I tell them, well, I went to my brother. You know, because they're going to say, did you go talk to her first? Why are you tattling to me? Did you go talk to them and tell them that they should repent of what they've done? You know, stealing is a sin. Stealing cookies out of the cookie jar is a sin.

It's not something to take lightly. But you can work with your children at a very early age and help them learn these principles. Sometimes there are emergency situations where you just start screaming at your brother if he's running out into the... if mom says don't go out into the yard or go out... don't go out in the road and play in the street, and he's headed out there to play ball in the street, then you can start screaming right away to keep him off the street. But typically, you want to go to your brother and try to work it through.

Now, again, our kids hated having to sit together and make amends, but it was important for them to do that. They get along great now, and they really got along well, and really we didn't have to discipline them very much at all, because we were consistent in our discipline and loving in our approach. It makes a huge difference. Not that we were perfect parents, by any means.

So, brethren, being able to apply Matthew 18 and going to your brother is a proper way...

in a proper way is one of the most critical issues that God's people need to understand and follow.

If we do apply Matthew 18 correctly, and if we do go to our brother in a proper manner, we will certainly see the church be strengthened, and we will see our relationships with one another get much better. We will most certainly have greater unity within the body of Christ, and we will be more pleasing to our Heavenly Father and to His Son. And that's our ultimate goal, is to become more pleasing to God. The more pleasing we are to Him, certainly the more willing He is to bless us, to pour out His love and compassion and blessing upon us. So, I think this will conclude our series. Did it in two instead of more? I would just want to let you know about this book. It's called How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. How to Have the Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. Now, this goes into a lot of other points and principles and things. I've covered some of them in the sermon. This has a lot more detail, and if you would like to look into the subject more, this isn't just about Matthew 18, but it's any kind of difficult situation or conversation that you've been avoiding. This goes through many scenarios in helping to deal with conflict. So, I would recommend it. It's written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding. I'll have it with me in the back if you'd like to look at it. So, brother, again, let's continue to please God in all that we do.