How Do We Forgive and Know That We Have

(47) Ken Loucks - How Do We Forgive and Know That We Have - YouTube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iiapfDripB4

Transcript:
(00:01) i was asked the question how do I know if I've forgiven someone if I still hurt when I think of the thing does that mean I haven't forgiven them it's a good question and I think we all wrestle with the idea that we like to say "I have forgiven so- and so." Because we've all been hurt by someone at some point somebody said something somebody did something maybe they did it unintentionally maybe they did it intentionally the hurt is there it's still real doesn't just go away when you say the words "I forgive the person." So
(00:54) what is forgiveness all about what is it really all about i want to address the question today and try to answer the question of what is forgiveness from the Bible's perspective what is forgiveness and how do I know I've done it that's what I want to talk about today because the question isn't whether we should forgive we know that we should the question is how do we forgive and if I've done it how do I know I've done it you know over in Matthew chap 18 Matthew 18:es 21 and 22 i see myself and my brothers here i I
(01:43) I do kind of wonder whether Peter has Andrew in mind here when he asks Christ a question because um yeah I could see myself when I was younger asking my mom this question verses 21 and and uh 22 here of Matthew 18 he says "So Jesus answered and said to them assuredly I say to you wait a minute I got to get to the right chapter matthew 18.
(02:09) " I'm in the 21 my bad i'll get there i got it okay matthew 18:21-22 then Peter came to him that's Christ and said "Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him like up to seven times." It's like when you're kids that's Monday so you know that's why I'm thinking to myself maybe he's actually thinking of Andrew here because I know how me and my brothers grew up and so it's interesting you know so what's he asking for here like once we've crested seven am I done can I be done then and Christ didn't answer him in the way he was expecting because it's not a checklist
(03:00) what's Christ to answer in verse 22 i do not say to you up to seven times but up to 70 times seven i'm smiling to myself as I was thinking about that because if forgiveness is a checklist that we keep I've got my notepad and I've got my pen and seven's not a hard number to track you know in fraction number one there's a slash for you and then you know in fraction two this is easy i've got a big piece of paper i seven will fit right on there but Christ says "No no no it's 70 times seven.
(03:39) " Do you think this is a math quiz all of a sudden like okay how many is that then let me see if I've got enough room on my paper to write all of those fractions down and probably not so it's obviously not a math problem here it's an attitude problem it's a spiritual way of thinking that Christ wants us to pay attention to it's a mindset forgiveness is a mindset and we need to realize that and so no I'm not encouraging anybody to get a checklist start marking down every time a sibling or a friend or a colleague or even a stranger should offend you
(04:19) no I want us to be thinking today about what kind of a mind on this should we have what does true godly forgiveness actually look like and how do we know we've truly done it and I don't mean saying the words so that you can feel good that you've said those words i mean from right here in the center of the soul have you actually forgiven the way God wants us to forgive so I want to begin with what forgiveness actually is and we'll look at what it is and what it is not okay so what is forgiveness and what is not forgiveness
(04:59) all right because we're going to talk about forgiveness in a biblical sense we have to realize it's not just an emotional or a culture uh you know like a cultural meaning this is a deep spiritual issue for us the word that's most often used in the New Testament is I'll I'll give you the spelling i normally don't do this uh because you know who speaks Greek i don't but the word is spelled A H I E M I a P H I E M I and for those of you probably a lot guessing here who want to know how it's pronounced it's a mei a me
(05:45) okay it's the phonetic pronunciation i looked it up and I copied it directly into my notes so I know that's right a me all right it's not like I'm going to walk around the rest of my life saying I aime the or something like that so what does it mean it means to send away it's actually quoted 140 times in the New Testament it means to send away to let go to give up a debt so it's not a feeling it's a choice it's a deliberate act of you know releasing something of not holding on to something maintaining possession of it okay
(06:32) theyer's Greek lexicon defines this term for forgiveness or to forgive to send away to let go to give up a debt it's not a feeling it says here it's a deliberate act of releasing something of no longer holding it in your possession now this is what Vincent says the primary idea Vincent's word studies the primary idea is that of letting go sending away hence to remit or forgive not in the sense of a cancellation but of a release or dismissal now that that really actually matters quite a bit forgiveness doesn't
(07:07) cancel the fact that something happened it acknowledges that it did happen okay but it refuses to hold on to that thing that happened so releasing it letting it go luke chapter 6 and verse 37 luke chapter 6 and verse 37 Christ says something that's extremely important for us to take note of uh on this subject so Luke 6:37 where he says "Judge not and you shall not be judged condemn not and you shall not be condemned forgive and you will be forgiven so this is the same word forgive and it's used here in conjunction with the term judgment and
(08:07) condemnation which are also not the same thing what is judgment biblically i think the easiest way to understand it is the ability to discern what is right and wrong so you might uh you might it's I I've often thought of this in terms of a of a um let's say an umpire at a baseball game and his job is to call balls and strikes as the ball crosses the plate he's not condemning the players he's literally calling it as he sees it so to speak you're it's your ability to simply discern so for example if somebody's doing something wrong if
(08:48) you're able to identify you know what they're doing isn't right I won't therefore do it well you're exercising judgment and you're told that you should do that but with caution here because how we judge is how we'll be judged and how we condemn so what is condemnation well that's you deciding for God the fate of somebody spiritually and how you decide for God is how God will decide for you is what the scripture is telling us and then he follows that up and he says "Forgive forgive and you will be forgiven." That's a direct connection to
(09:26) our own forgiveness ongoing mercy from God depends on my willingness to be merciful if I want forgiveness for my sins I have to be willing to extend forgiveness to someone else for theirs my salvation depends upon this so to forgive is not to say this didn't happen or it doesn't matter it's to say that it it's no longer mine i don't I'm not going to hold on to it like it's something precious to me so let's talk about the things that forgiveness is not forgiveness is not forgetting let's I'm going to turn briefly over
(10:09) here to Hebrews chapter 10 and verse 17 hebrews 10:1 17 says "Then he adds their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more." this so we we're human beings and so when we read something like that it can convey a human notion of literally I no longer remember something i'm I'm incapable of recalling something and while the older I get that's actually true there are a number of things that I seem to be unable to recall or remember but there's lots of things in my past that I remember too vividly things that I wish I did not
(10:58) remember but seemed to be unable to forget this means here that he no longer holds the sin against us that's the meaning here because it's the same word to let go forgive so God's not going to remember and that's what forgive means let it go god lets our sins go it doesn't mean he doesn't remember them doesn't like humans remember okay but and this is what we're of course called to do not erasing the memory because we can't erase those memories i'm sure you've tried if you're like me in any way like that there are memories you would like
(11:46) to not forget so when they come into your head if you're like me on this and maybe you are you don't think about it like that's the way we deal with it you just stop thinking about it if you can but what happens when that memory has pain attached to it not so easy then is it it's more like alive in our minds in that moment as we recall how I felt so forgiveness is not forgetting it's releasing the charge against them number two forgiveness is also not excusing forgiveness is not excusing so I in my mind it's very common to read about
(12:33) battered women for example who though they may have just called the police will attack a police officer who's trying to arrest their husband in the moment that she's dealing with being abused she's still excusing the behavior of the husband like that's not uncommon is it abuse has that effect and so forgiveness is not excusing the wrong it's just releasing the debt it doesn't mean saying it was okay or I'm no longer It is saying I'm no longer going to hold it against you but it's not saying it's okay it's you know you didn't mean it and so
(13:13) therefore I can look past it somehow that's excusing that is not forgiveness and last forgiveness is not reconciliation they may seem like they're deeply connected but forgiveness and reconciliation are two different things all right I'll get into that a little bit right now markap 11 verse 25 markap 11:2 forgiveness is what we're commanded to do regardless of what the other person does does because forgiveness happens within us reconciliation requires two people who are both working towards fixing a relationship and so what if the
(14:07) other person isn't interested in reconciliation how does that affect forgiveness well the answer is it should not affect forgiveness they're not the same thing reconciliation being a requirement for forgiveness means that you can't forgive unless they ask you for it unless they ask for mercy unless they ask you to forgive them and that's not how forgiveness works mark 11:25 Christ makes it clear to us that forgiveness is within us it begins with us because it says here in verse 25 of Mark 11 "And where whenever you stand
(14:46) praying if you have anything against one if you have anything against anyone forgive him that your father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses." Like hang on a second here we're faced right again with salvation being tied directly to my willingness to forgive somebody and and forgive that person while you're praying so here you are beseeching God maybe you're praying over one of your own things that you've something you've done wrong maybe a word you said you shouldn't have a thing you did you knew better than and you're
(15:26) there petitioning God for mercy and forgiveness for yourself and Christ says "I know that there's somebody you haven't forgiven yet and unless you're willing to forgive your father in heaven isn't willing to forgive you so you need to go deal with that." That's clear from what he says here he didn't say "Well wait until they ask for forgiveness while you're praying.
(15:55) " No it's proactive let it go so also notice he's simply saying "Forgive." He doesn't say "Pick up the phone get in the car drive over meet with the person sit down with them and reconcile." That is not what he says while you are praying he says "You stop right now and forgive that person right in here let it go for real.
(16:27) " And then you can pray that is the essence of this word forgiveness and it's the essence of what God does with our sins over in Psalms 103:12 psalms 103:12 where it says "As far as the east is from the west so far has he removed our transgressions from us." That's not pretending that the transgressions didn't happen that's letting them go god removes our offenses from us when we ask for him for forgiveness that's not denial that's not God saying "Well then it just didn't happen.
(17:21) " No the transgressions happened but he removed them and of course that's what he tells us to do not because the offense isn't real but because continuing to hold on to it well that's interfering what God's trying to do in us he's trying to turn us into an equal mate to his son equally yolked so how was Christ how did he behave things we need to take a look at transformation becoming that bride requires that we stop clinging to past offenses and start walking forward in newness of life there's a reason Christ tied forgiveness
(18:04) directly to prayer he didn't say forgive once you are ready if you're feeling up to it go ahead and just let that go no it's a requirement he says forgive so that you can pray with a clean heart you've let go and now you're asking God to do the same thing for you barn's notes on the New Testament regarding this says this here about this scriptural passage it says 'If we come to God harboring hatred we come as hypocrites I would say that's too harsh a word generally it's not hatred that we feel certainly wounding anger maybe frustration but if
(18:44) we're harboring those things towards somebody else he says we come as hypocrites if we pray for mercy for ourselves while refusing to extend it to someone else we cut off the very grace this is classic language but the very grace we seek so that doesn't mean that we don't hurt when we've been hurt that would be denial it doesn't mean that we never struggle because we're human and we struggle it does mean that we cannot cling to bitterness and also claim to be walking in the footsteps of our savior so what is biblical forgiveness i
(19:26) want to give you a short as short as it can be definition that maybe has some durability to it here's what I would define forgiveness as scripturally it is the deliberate prayerful release of an offense it is the deliberate prayerful release of an offense it's turning it over to God the righteous judge the only one with the authority to condemn forgiveness doesn't wait for justice it doesn't require reconciliation it doesn't mean you forget it simply means I choose not to carry this any longer i am turning it
(20:19) over to God that's what this word for forgiveness means and it's what God did for us it's what we're called to do and not when the pain finally goes away then I can forgive it's right now while the pain is real the hurt is real forgiveness must happen right now so why does forgiveness feel like injustice because it can especially when it first happens why if you're like me you're human we all have something called human nature over in Romans chapter 8 and our human [Music] nature it likes what we humans tend to lean into a little thing called fairness
(21:29) so over in Romans chapter 8 verse 7 where Paul tells us plainly because the carnal mind that's our human nature that's that's who we are without God's spirit is enmity against God that doesn't mean enemies with God it means opposed to the things that God wants us to do naturally we are opposed to that for it is not subject to the law of God nor indeed can be that's who we are that's our natural unconverted self carnal we want what's right in particular for ourselves because that's what it means to be carnal so when someone hurts us the
(22:19) carnal mind doesn't cry out for mercy for them the carnal mind cries out for justice for us i've been wronged and there's only about a million hundred million I don't know how many movies have ever been made or books written on this idea justice is a big thing to human beings we want the scales to be balanced and not just any kind of justice by the way it's our version of justice that matters we I'll just say this this is not the way it works with God forgiveness isn't given because the other person deserves it it's given
(23:05) because God commands it so we see a tension here between how it feels to be offended and what God wants us to do about it so we either become bitter or we grow up spiritually going back to Matthew chapter 18 I won't read all of this to you so let me give you the backstory here matthew chapter 18 there's the parable of the un uh the unforgiving servant which begins in verse 21 i'll simply summarize it for you it's an extremely important parable for us because it it gives us the ability to see things the way God sees
(23:56) them so in this case we have a servant who says here in the scripture owes his master 10,000 talents i don't know have you traded in talents recently any idea what a talent is worth like I didn't even bother looking it up it's supposed to be a big number so I'm thinking what's a big number to us maybe a h 100red million is that a big number it's a seems like a big number with a in a world full of billionaires maybe it's not that big of a number it's a big number okay it's like if you owed that much money and the master came to you and
(24:32) said "Pay up." Would you be asking for some forgi how would you get yourself into a hund00 million debt i mean okay so that maybe not exactly but you know it's a big number that's the whole point there's a big number here it's hardly a we're hardly able to conceive of how much money this guy is begging to be forgiven and the master forgives the debt okay it's a parable we're dealing with human beings probably not going to go down exactly like that but it's a parable and it's a great lesson because what does this one's forgiven go and do
(25:09) he finds the guy who owes him like a hundred bucks and he throws him in prison because he can't pay the hundred bucks like this is the corollary Christ is trying to get us to look at where where are we in that story verses 32 and 33 because when the master learns that the one who had this enormous debt paid paid for by him or in other words the debt was released forgiven him that one went out and held somebody else accountable for a pittence of that in verse 32 it says then his master after he had called him said to him you wicked
(25:53) servant I forgave all that debt because you begged me should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant just as I had pity on you it's like um what do we deserve in this life we've all earned it and unless Christ comes we we owe it what is that eternal death the wages of sin is death eternal death and unless Jesus Christ comes and pays that penalty for us that's a debt too big for any of us and yet Christ in forgiving us that debt looks at us and says "You're angry about that that small thing that happened to
(26:44) you you're mad about that after everything you've done in your life that has earned you death and I paid that for you." That's the comparison the warning for us is how Christ ends this parable because he takes us from parable to practical application in verse 35 he says "So my heavenly father also will do to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses.
(27:32) " This is clearly not about money this is clearly about a mindset Jesus Christ wants us to have and he tells us exactly what that is and it is forgiveness but that's what we are if we want salvation we need to learn to forgive we need to let go because the first servant saw mercy when it was for him but didn't see mercy when it wasn't for him and that's what we're being warned about when we forget how much we've been forgiven we become incapable of offering forgiveness true forgiveness to someone else adam Clark's commentary says "He who can receive mercy and yet refuse it
(28:15) to others has not understood the debt he owed and cannot comprehend the mercy he received." That's the point we're not being asked to give something that we've never been given we're being asked to give what we've already been given and of course that's hard because the carnal mind still you know it's still there still whispering "This isn't fair what happened to me it isn't right.
(28:52) " Sometimes the pain is deep and sometimes the injustice well maybe it's unfolding over time and so you maybe feel like you're still living it does that mean you can't forgive you can't let it go even if it's being repeatedly done well as I said earlier wounds can come to us maybe they don't know maybe they do maybe they just don't care can you can you not forgive that person well our carnal mind says "No I shouldn't have to forgive that person they don't deserve to be forgiven.
(29:30) " That's not what the scripture says but that's because we're focused on our part in the story instead of God's part forgiveness doesn't deny justice it defers it to God who is the righteous judge over in Romans 12 romans 12 verse 19 where Paul says beloved do not avenge yourselves but rather give place to wrath for it is written vengeance is mine I will repay says the Lord well this word avenge according to Vincent's word studies it says the following it says "The idea is not just retaliation but personal retribution." The attempt to balance the
(30:31) scales with our own hand continuing Vincent's word study says the next it says Paul commands us to remove our hand from the scale and trust the justice to God which can probably feel like a little bit of injustice because justice delayed the natural proclivity for our minds is to believe that justice delayed is no justice at all as though justice for me is what's important turn back to Romans 5:8 though because which of us was walking perfectly when Christ died for our sins romans 5:8 verse 8 says "But God demonstrates puts on display for us so
(31:23) that we can see it and understand it." God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us that's our example that's what we're supposed to be reflecting on that's part of that whole I received mercy thing and therefore I need to learn to extend mercy to someone else god didn't wait for us to change and become some model of Jesus Christ before he decided to send his son in ourstead but now he calls us to have that same kind of forgiveness not because it feels great in the
(32:05) moment but it's because what we received is what he wants us to give in return we are trying to become like Jesus Christ equally yolked with the son he's already perfect we're the ones who are short of that so we've talked about what forgiveness is we've talked about why it's hard why it can feel like injustice so this is where the leather meets the sidewalk the rubber meets the road i don't know i get I use these metaphors from time and people will come up to me later and say "That's not how that goes." Okay you get the idea okay
(32:47) practical application of forgiveness if you want to truly walk forward in newness of life if we want to become like Jesus Christ we have to stop seeing forgiveness as something we do to heal our own pain we have to stop seeing forgiveness as something we do to heal our own pain we need to start seeing it as something we do for the sake of someone else's salvation you want to move from human thinking to God thinking this is where that is where I no longer think of myself yes there's pain but I'm not thinking of me first
(33:25) now I'm thinking of them forgiveness at its highest level is intercession it's intercession on behalf of somebody else it's standing in the gap between them and their fate if they don't repent and learn to change and be forgiven by God it's recognizing that for them and praying for them about that that's what it means to stand in the gap most people get this wrong standing in the gap is what Moses did when Israel deserved punishment and he stood between them and their fate which God was going to deliver that's the gap the Bible talks about and
(34:14) when somebody has wronged you the question will be if you want to achieve the highest form of forgiveness is are you willing to pray for them from right in here and mean it because you care about their salvation that's what Christ is doing for each and every one of us right now in our own sins he's interceding for us with the father he's not up there telling God "This is a bad dude you got to look the other way on this one i would not hear that prayer don't listen to that one.
(34:50) " Like that's not what Christ is doing he's advocating for us in the same way we can understand the concept of an advocate which is a lawyer telling the judge "Hang on a second judge let me explain this to you let me help you to understand where they're coming from and what's going on here let me beseech you for mercy on their behalf i know the consequences should be this but can you see a a way for us to not get that far to do something less than that to them can you extend them some mercy can you give them some forgiveness and most importantly can you
(35:23) help them to repent because their salvation is what's on the line christ is advocating for that for you and me right now are we willing to do that for someone else over in Hebrews chapter 7 the author of Hebrews tells us exactly what Christ is up to after he died sacrificed himself for my sins and your sins where is he and what's he doing chapter 7 and verse 25 it says "Therefore he that is Christ is also able to save to the uttermost those who come to God through him since he always lives he's alive right now
(36:09) when the book of Hebrews was written Christ has already died he always lives to make intercession for them for us." That's what Christ is doing right now he's not petitioning God for vengeance any more than the idea should be that when we read the scripture that says vengeance is mine that that's what we should pray for i want to see a little vengeance here God why cuz I need some justice god doesn't work that way so he's not our adversary christ is our advocate and that's what he would want us to do as his equally yolked
(36:51) bride do what he does so this is our transformation when forgiveness becomes more than personal obedience it becomes a participation in the work of Jesus Christ we begin to reflect him not only by letting go of the offense but by praying for the redemption of the offender you know that's what Stephen did i'm not saying if you think about what happened to Stephen let's go back here to Acts chapter 7 yeah Acts chapter 7 this is a high bar i mean it's not as high a bar as Christ but it's a high bar acts chapter 7 verse
(37:39) 60 what was happening to Stephen well he just given the second longest sermon maybe the longest sermon technically this as recorded is the longest sermon we have but it was the second sermon that we have recorded peter giving the first one in Acts chapter 2 right so Steven here gives a long sermon and it is not well appreciated by those whom he basically accused of killing Jesus Christ and so they're stoning him for this i don't know what it would be like to be stoned but you know I can picture it I guess to some degree i mean I've been hit by a
(38:15) rock before i've been hit by BB guns we played BB gun wars when I was a kid yeah 100% in the woods two pumps maximum on the plet gun two pump that was the rule do you think my brothers followed that rule of course not so I I took some wallops so you know I'm thinking that's a BB what about a rock and here he is being pelted to You don't die from being stoned for no reason if you're stoned to death you died from being stoned to death so he's being hit and hurt and wounded in ways that we can only just probably barely even imagine and at the
(38:47) end of that when the normal carnal mind would be screaming for justice balance these scales fairness this isn't fair what's happened to me that's not what Steven does steven says here in verse 60 "Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice Lord do not charge them with this sin.
(39:17) " That's standing in the gap between those people that were killing him and God who would judge them for it he stood in the gap for them and asked God to be merciful to them that's the high bar that's the pinnacle of forgiveness intercession on behalf of somebody else the one who hurt us but of course he simply modeled what Christ did because you go back here to Luke chapter 22 23 there's a three there that's amazing all right it's time to move up to a larger font seriously this is an 11 it's time to move up to 12 all right luke 23 you should have said
(40:02) something you guys probably already knew I was off by a whole chapter all right 23:34 all I have to do is find it within this sea of Here it is so Christ said this this was his last words father forgive them for they do not know what they do like intercession in the midst of his agony he wasn't waiting to feel better he was in the midst of his pain and suffering and he still interceded stood in that gap between God and those who were killing him to intercede on their behalf with the father that's our example he didn't wait for them to
(40:47) repent to ask him if they would forgive him nope he led with intercession and that's the pattern of godly forgiveness we don't just you know let it go it's we have to do something more than just release it the next level is from forgiving the person is to ask God to have mercy on that person is to intercede on their behalf with the father so this is where forgiveness becomes a prayer for their salvation that doesn't that's not about making me feel good or feel better even about what they've done and it isn't because they
(41:27) deserve it it's because they need it this is what God wants for everyone to come to repentance to bring many sons to glory this is one small way we participate in that by pleading for them to the father and of course that's not natural but it is godly and it's what we're being shaped into the bride of Jesus Christ equally yolked together becoming like Jesus Christ when we forgive this way we stop focusing on what was done to us and we start focusing on what God is trying to do through us and here's the irony of intercession
(42:16) the more we pray for someone else the more we become healed james chapter 5 we don't intercede because we're trying to fix ourselves in that regard we intercede because we care about them more than we care about our feelings and yet when we do that verse 16 of chapter 5 confess your trespasses to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed the effective fervent prayer of a righteous person avails much you imagine that while you are repenting of your sins and you're forgiving someone by letting go of what they did
(43:13) you're becoming like Jesus Christ and because of that it says the effective prayer of a righteous person that's what you become before God right with God and when the person who's right with God prays it has great effect with God that's why it's so important for us when we forgive to pray for the person because we're putting oursel right with God and God will heal us if we will do that so we're not to accuse one another or ignore one another we're to pray for one another so that's a kind of spiritual strength and that's like any other
(44:09) muscle you have to work it you have to exercise it for it to get stronger so you keep forgiving and you keep praying for them so how do you know you've forgiven you know when it still hurts from time to time does that mean I haven't really forgiven at all this is the conundrum of transformation the moment of forgiveness may be clear but the aftershocks can linger days weeks months years you know how how much worse are the aftershocks when the other person doesn't want to reconcile you might desperately wish for
(45:02) that and what if they don't want it that's an aftershock and you're having to live with that it doesn't mean you haven't forgiven means the pain's still there the pain is real and yes over time the pain can be can can mitigate itself but when the person isn't passed on there's still someone we care about there's still someone who's alive and walking this earth but don't want reconciliation with us that does affect the pain which I can testify to personally when you see them and you crave for a relationship to be restored
(45:40) and they don't want it that pain's real for me it doesn't mean I haven't forgiven them and I've thought carefully about this because I can still pray for them for their salvation because I care more about that than the fact that they don't want to reconcile that's a choice on their part my choice is to intercede for them with the father forgiveness is not the end of emotional pain it's the beginning of spiritual peace it's it's when you do that thing and you begin to embed that in your heart i am letting go of this thing well
(46:22) that's the beginning it's not the end of the journey it's the beginning of the journey of spiritual peace as you walk down that road scripture does not say that forgiveness erases memory but it should change our response to the memory the test of forgiveness is not what you remember it's how you respond when you remember if you can wish them well pray for their repentance leave judgment with God that's how you know you've forgiven and what about reconciliation again reconciliation requires two people to participate and
(47:13) so if they don't want to participate that should have no effect on my forgiving them they don't get to crawl into my head when I'm praying and make me pray the prayer I should be praying for them so they have no control over what's going on inside of me my spiritual response is between me and God i know what he expects me to do now he expects me to intercede on their behalf and pray for them not with compulsion but out of a true desire for their salvation this is what we must do so while reconciliation is the goal
(47:52) it's not guaranteed colossians chapter 3 and verse 13 Colossians 3 and verse 13 where Paul reminds us that this is us as a spiritual family bearing with one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another even as Christ forgives gave you so you also must do this phrase bearing with one another this is what Vincent's word study says bearing with means to endure to hold oneself up against to sustain in spite of provocation it implies tension difficulty a relationship that's not easy but not abandoned
(48:56) adam Clark says it denotes that charity that charity I'm going to say this again because of the way that the older writers wrote it denotes that charity or that form of charity which can bear with the faults and failings of others without ceasing to love them you've heard I think you've heard me say this before but my wife and I remind each other all the time we love the person where they are well that's what God does with us he loves us where we are he doesn't want us to stay here he expects change i want you to become like my son
(49:34) so that's change that's transformation that's why we talk about change and transformation you know as we walk through the things that that we need to transform in our life hopefully what begins to anchor in our minds is the desperation we have for needing the Holy Spirit to make that transformation which is the next holy day so by the time we get to that holy day we're fully ready and appreciative of what it means that God gave us the power through his own spirit to make the changes we need to make to become like
(50:05) his son those very transformations in those key areas of our life that we need to get better at and to become more like Jesus Christ so that's what Paul's asking for the kind of love that forgives without condition and still bears up under the strain of human imperfection because we're all human and imperfect but that's why he adds "Even as Christ forgave you.
(50:38) " So we don't have an excuse on forgiveness we've already had the big one given to us by Christ true forgiveness creates the opportunity for reconciliation but it doesn't guarantee it it removes the obstacle from our side even if the other side remains unchanged i was thinking about this earlier today be like it'd be like if there is a gate between us they have a gate and I have a gate i can open my gate i'm ready to walk through but unless they lift their gate there's no going through that's forgiveness open your side lift the gate and be ready to go through if they ever
(51:17) open their gate go through reconcile but if they never open their gate forgive and pray for them intercede on their behalf so how do you know you've forgiven when you no longer demand repentance as a condition for peace start with that you no longer allow the offense to control you it doesn't mean you don't feel pain but you're not letting the pain drive the bus when your prayers for them sound more like Jesus Christ and a little less human and when your attitude toward them is shaped by love instead of justice so when the hurt rises again and
(52:08) it's going to because we're human you reaffirm the release of it you let it go again you remind yourself that it's no longer yours you've already let it go you bear with it not because that's easy but because God wants that from us it's not a moment we master but it is a mindset we need to have that's what forgiveness is and every ch time that we choose mercy we walk forward a little bit more in newness of life we forgive because we've been forgiven we intercede because that's what Christ's doing for us right now and we walk forward because this
(52:58) isn't the end of our deliverance it's the beginning of our calling of our journey of our transformation so let us walk forward in the newness of life that God wants for us let's become like Jesus Christ equally yolked with our Savior