How to Respond to the Sins of Others

The Church of God is composed of people. It's not a building. It's made up of individuals. It's composed of the elect, the called-out ones, the Son of God, and the daughters of God. None of us are perfect. All you have to do is look around or take a mirror out and look at yourself.

We all realize that we're not perfect. We make mistakes many times. But we're very thankful that we have a loving God who forgives us and is willing to overlook those mistakes. Let's go back to Leviticus 2 and verse 11.

You see a scripture in chapter 1 through 5 in the book of Leviticus. It describes the various types of offerings that were offered up in the Old Testament. One of them was a grain offering or meal offering, as various translations translate it. In verse 11, we read, No grain offering which you bring to the Lord shall be made with leaven.

So there was to be no leaven added to it. For you shall burn no leaven nor any honey and any offering to the Lord made by fire. God was very explicit by that and would not receive an offering that had leavening in it. And yet, over here in chapter 23 in verse 17, on the day of Pentecost, we find that there were two special loaves baked, and these two loaves did contain leavening. In verse 17, Leviticus 23, You shall bring from your dwelling two wave loaves of two tenths of an aphid, and they shall be fine flour, and they shall be baked with leaven.

Then it goes on to identify what they pictured. They are the first fruits to the Lord. So here were two loaves that contained leavening. They were waved before God to be accepted. They pictured the first fruits. Now in the Bible, Old Testament Israel is called the first fruits. They were the first fruits, the first nation that God chose, and He was going to use them to be an example to all other nations.

Well, they failed miserably in that. So in the New Testament, God is establishing another Israel. It's called the Israel of God, or the spiritual Israel of God. That's the church today. There are many scriptures that indicate that we are likewise the first fruits to God. We're the first ones to be called now in this age to be converted to be in God's kingdom. Now, even if we didn't have these scriptures back in 1 John 1 and verse 7, the Bible is very plain that all of us as human beings and those of us in the church do sin.

In verse 7, 1 John 1, If we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ, His Son, cleanses us from all sin. If we say we have no sin, I'm not a sinner. I don't do anything wrong. I never make mistakes. We deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

If we say we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. So, brethren, we do sin. But the question today is, how do we respond to the sins of others? When you see somebody else sin, how do we respond when we see other people who have faults, other people's mistakes, other people's weaknesses? How do we respond to that, especially if it affects you personally? What do you do when you hear of other people's sins or mistakes? What should we do? That's what we want to take a look at today.

First of all, we're going to look at what we should not do. What is it that we should avoid? That the Bible very clearly points out, don't do this. The Bible is very explicit because in many cases it says, don't do something.

And then on the other hand, it says, do this. It gives both examples. So you see the wrong, you see the right. Well, the first thing the Bible tells us not to do is to talk about other people's sins to others. It's very easy. It's an interesting topic of conversation to bring up. Well, did you know? Have you heard?

I believe, I understand, and you begin to talk about what somebody else has done, said, their foibles. It's almost like we appreciate talking about evil, talking about things that are wrong. Now, it doesn't matter if it's true. I've heard people say, well, yeah, I repeated something, but it's true. What does that have to do with it? Let me illustrate. What if, as an example, you got drunk one night and were arrested?

That's true. That happened to you. Do you want that broadcast all over the congregation? What if it were not true? You wouldn't want it broadcast over the congregation. So it doesn't matter whether it's true or not true. That's not the criteria of whether it should be repeated or not. In Leviticus 19, I don't know how many of us study the law that much, but the kings were told to write out a book of the law. Write these first five books out. Keep it with them always. Especially the books of Leviticus, Deuteronomy, sections of Exodus, go through the statutes and the judgments of God.

Here in Leviticus, we find, beginning in verse 16 here, chapter 19, a principle that lays the basis for the book of Proverbs and many scriptures. A lot of the teachings in the New Testament are based upon this scripture. We simply read, You shall not go about as a tailbearer among your people. Don't bear tails. Nor shall you take a stand against the life of your neighbor. I am the Lord. Don't put yourself in an adversarial position, going against somebody, repeating something that could stand against them, their reputation, their life, everything that they've tried to build up.

Satan is the accuser, and we should not be the accuser of the brethren. Notice this quote that I found. If somebody says to you, I hope you won't mind me telling you this. It's pretty certain you will. If somebody starts off that way, that's not the best way to begin. One of the best ways to end a rumor is to ask if you may quote the individual passing it along.

Do you mind if I use your name when I mention this to somebody else? That's one way of stopping it. If the person says no, it's possible that the rumor is just idle talk. If the person answers yes, you should contact the gossip subject to verify the story you just heard. Now you go to the person, and you say, well, Joe over here told me this, that you got drunk the other night. Is that true? Well, that does two things. One, you verify the story. Secondarily, he finds out that Joe is gossiping about him.

Likewise. Also, if you'd like to spread news about others, ask yourself if you would want someone to quote you. See, any time we say something, do we want somebody to quote what you just said? A negative answer is a good sign you should keep your lips sealed on the matter. A positive response should lead not to back fence reporting, but up front confronting. Now let's go over to Proverbs 11 and verse 9.

The book of Proverbs has a great deal written on this subject. As I mentioned, it's predicated on the law. But in chapter 11, beginning in verse 9, we find this. The hypocrite with his mouth destroys his neighbor. We can destroy another person. We can destroy the reputation.

We can undermine people's confidence in them. But through knowledge, the righteous will be delivered. And then in verse 13, a tell-bearer reveals secrets, but he who is of a faithful spirit conceals a matter. So we should conceal things. As another quote says, gossip is the most deadly micro. It has neither legs nor wings. It is composed entirely of tails, and most of them have stings. And that's very true. Now turn over to chapter 20 in the book of Proverbs. This subject is probably dealt with more often in the book of Proverbs than almost anything else. In chapter 20, verse 19, he who goes about as a tell-bearer reveals secrets.

Therefore, do not associate with one who flatters with his lips. If somebody comes up to you all the time and puts their arm around you and tells you what a great guy you are, a wonderful lady you are, always flattering you, always trying to butter you up, beware! That person's wanting to find out something, and they will spread it. That's what he's saying here. So don't associate with those people. As another quote says, some people will believe anything if it's whispered to them.

So that makes it more understandable. Now today, we would say people believe anything if they see it on the Internet. And that's true. A lot of people, everything on the Internet has got to be true. Or if it's in print, it's got to be true. Will Rogers says, so live that you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town's gossip. And then Charles Swindoll said, if you don't say it, they can't repeat it.

There's a lot of truth in that statement. Back up to chapter 18 here in verse 8. Chapter 18 in verse 8. The words of a tailbearer are like tasty trifles. Now the word for, if you'll notice in the margin for tailbearer is gossip or slanderer. And the tasty trifles, I don't know why it's translated that way necessarily in the King James Version, New King James. But it says, a Jewish tradition's wounds. It's talking about a wound. Tailbearers, the words of a tailbearer are like wounds. If somebody came up with a knife and stuck you with it, cut you, that would be a wound.

You get shot, that's a wound. And they go down into the innermost belly. So if somebody stabbed you in the belly, it wouldn't hurt any more than what a tailbearer does, who goes around repeating matters to other people. It injures people, it hurts people, and it destroys individuals. In chapter 26 in verse 20, it says, where there is no wood, the fire goes out. How many times does that happen? You build a fire, you don't have any more wood. Fire goes out. And where there is no tailbearer, strife ceases. So notice what a tailbearer does. He creates strife, perpetuates strife and contentions. As charcoal is the burning coals, and wood the fire, so is a contentious man, the kindle strife.

That's his intention, to create strife and confusion. God would like for us to know how destructive this type of habit truly is. That we should not go around trying to dig up dirt, information on others. Proverbs 16, 27 addresses this. Proverbs 16, 27, we read here, an ungodly man digs up evil, and it's on his lips like a burning fire.

If you ever had to fight a forest fire before, growing up we had one as a teenager that took place not too far from our home, out on Nopon Valley, where we were living at the time. And it took quite a bit of work to get that fire put out. Not sure how it started, but once the fire gets out in the woods and it's dry, it will just spread. And so it is when somebody digs up evil, or alleged evil, it begins to spread and it's just like a wildfire. It will burn. A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.

And there you see some of the harm, some of the danger that is done, that you begin to destroy friendships. I'm reminded of a story from years ago of a minister in the church at that time, and he had just come out of a bar.

And when he came out of the bar, he stumbled over the curb and fell on his face. Just so happened a member drove by about that time and saw what had occurred, and then began to tell other people about the pastor. He's a drunk, he's an alcoholic, he's visiting bars in the daytime. I saw him flat on his face out there, and you had the goods on him.

Well, apparently he had visited either a new perspective or a member at that bar. And I don't know if it was upstairs in the back of the bar or whatever, but anyway, the bar was dark, as many bars tend to be. When he came out, the sun was bright, he was temporarily blinded. Didn't see the curb, stepped off, and fell. Had not taken a drink, was not drinking, none of that had occurred.

But you can see how something can be said that is based upon observation that was not true. Now, there are all kinds of stories you can tell like that. Let me tell one about another minister, John Wesley. Many of you know that the Wesleyan church was founded by him. It says, we sometimes criticize others unfairly. We don't know all their circumstances nor their motives. Only God, who is aware of all the facts, is able to judge people righteously.

John Wesley told of a man he had little respect for because he considered him to be miserly and covetous. One day, when this man contributed only a small gift to a worthy charity, Wesley openly criticized him. After the incident, the man went to Wesley privately and told him he had been living on parsnips and water for several weeks.

He explained that before his conversion, he had run up many bills. Now, by skimping on everything and buying nothing for himself, he was paying off his creditors one by one. Christ has made me an honest man, he said. And so, with all these debts to pay, I can give only a few offerings above my ties. I must settle up with my worldly neighbors and show them what the grace of God can do in the heart of a man who was once dishonest. Wesley had to apologize to the man and ask for forgiveness. Well, here again was a case where he didn't have all the facts, he was just judging on the surface and made a mistake. So, the first thing we should not do is go about spreading the gossip, go about spreading the tales. Secondarily, don't despise and condemn people for their sins. Don't despise them, don't condemn them for their sins. Luke 18 and verse 9. Luke chapter 18 and verse 9. He spoke this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and despised others. It's easy in a religious community where we all are striving to do the same thing to begin to look down on others who don't measure up to quote-unquote our standards. Now, the Pharisees had set all kinds of standards up. Many of those were not based upon the Bible. They were their own carnal standards they'd set up, and they were judging others by that. So, two men went up into the temple of pray, one a Pharisee, the other a tax collector. The Pharisees stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank you, I'm not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this tax collector. I passed twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the tax collector standing afar off would not so much as raise his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, God, be merciful to me, a sinner.

Now, one recognized his state, the other didn't. I tell you, this man went down to his house, justified rather than the other, for everyone who exalts himself will be humble, and he who humbles himself will be exalted. You and I need to be careful about looking down on others because of their weaknesses, foibles, difficulties, problems that they go through. We don't always know what a person's background is. Sitting here among us are people from every walk of life that you can think of, every type of background. I always try to emphasize when I'm counseling people for baptism that we need to not look down on others, but we need to realize that if we were placed in their situation, we might be even worse than they are. Most of us have been blessed to be able to live in an area of the country where we had a family that we grew up in, had parents, we had siblings that we grew up with. What if you grew up in New York City, Detroit, Chicago, some of these big inner cities? Your mother maybe died early, your dad ran off with another woman, you're raised by your grandmother, you don't go to school, you're on the streets all the time, all you see are drug pushers, drug addicts, you see gangs all the time, you see violence, you see nivings, you see shootings, you see that the strong are the ones who dominate. What chance do you have in an environment like that? Well, we all realize that there are people who have grown up in an environment like that and they overcome it and excel and go out of it. But for everyone who does that, how many don't? How many get pulled down by the environment that they're living in? Struggle all of their lives to overcome? Struggle with bitterness and resentment against society? Well, this happens all the time. And so we have to be very careful because none of us know fully the background what a person had to come out of to come into the church, what they're struggling with at this time. Well, let's go on to Luke 7. Luke 7 and verse 36.

It says, Then one of the Pharisees asked him to eat with him, and he went to the Pharisee's house, sat down to eat, and behold a woman in the city who was a sinner.

Okay, now she must have had a reputation, must have been doing something that would have brought public knowledge that she was a sinner. When she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, she stood at his feet behind him weeping. She began to wash his feet with her tears, wipe them with the hair of her head, and she kissed his feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. Now, when the Pharisee who had been invited, invited him, saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, This man, if he were a prophet, would know who and what manner of a woman this is who is touching him, for she is a sinner.

Have you ever been touched by a sinner? Reach out and touch yourself. You will be touched by a sinner.

We all sin. Now, she knew that she was a sinner. This Pharisee was so self-righteous, they'd never come in contact with somebody like this. Have someone like this into their home. Now, Christ gets into a discussion with this individual, but notice verse 47.

Therefore, I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much, but to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little.

So, the principle is very clear that those who feel that they don't have much to repent of, and there are times that I've counseled people for baptism, I don't have anything to repent of. I know I broke one or two here and there, and occasionally, they will love little. The principle, forgiven little, love little, forgiven much, love much. Why? Because you realize what a tremendous sacrifice Christ performed to forgive all of your sins, and this is what she did. Now, in chapter 9 of the book of Luke, in verse 51, we find the attitude of the disciples. They were going through the area of Samaria, came to a village. The village did not accept Christ. So, what was the disciples' attitude towards those people? Verse 54, when his disciples James and John saw this, they said, Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them just as Elijah did? We will wipe this village off the face of the earth. And he turned and rebuked them, saying, You don't know what manner of spirit you are of. For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men's lives, but to save them, and they went to another village. Now, what if every hamlet, village, city, and the state of Tennessee, who does not have a converted member in it, was wiped out?

Wouldn't be very many cities left, would they? It'd all be wiped out. I mean, this is what the disciples were wanting to do. They thought, well, these people don't accept the Messiah. Wipe them out. Get rid of them. We'll get their attention. Well, that's not the way Christ wanted it done.

In chapter 9 of the book of Matthew, in verse 10, we read this.

Now it happened as Jesus sat at the table in the house, that behold, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples. And when the Pharisees saw it, they said to his disciples, Why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners? And when Jesus heard that, he said to them, Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick.

Go and learn what this means. I desire mercy and not sacrifice. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance. So again, they were looking down on these people and condemning them.

You remember in John 8, where the woman caught in adultery was brought to Christ. And they said, Now look, teacher, and the law says to Stoner, What do you say?

And of course, they were setting a trap for him. And he bent over and started writing. He said, Well, the first one who is without sin, let him cast the first stone.

Well, they began to feel guilty, and from the oldest down to the youngest, they all left.

And what did Christ say to the woman? Where are your accusers? Does anybody condemn you? And she said, No. And Christ said, Neither do I. But here's something that we need to always remember. He said, Go and sin no more. He didn't say you could sin. He said, Go and sin no more.

So, by not condemning or despising people does not mean that a person, we don't condemn sin. We don't say that sin is wrong. That's not the point. It's a quote here from F.B. Meyers, who mentioned, I believe, he said, who once said that when we see a brother or a sister in sin, there are two things we do not know. First, we do not know how hard he or she tried not to sin, but they're striving to do to overcome. And second, we do not know the power of the forces that assailed him or her background, as I described earlier. We also do not know what we would have done in the same circumstances if we had been there. What you find when you condemn, you're going around just condemning. It tends to leave a person in their sins. How many times do we say, Well, how could somebody do that? And we do shake our heads. We wonder, when you look at society, the murders, the knifings, the robberies, taking 90-year-old women and beating them up and stealing from them, you know, how could somebody do this? Well, it is true. But what we realize, they are sinning, are they not? I mean, they are breaking God's law. That's not the point.

But what we have to be careful when we're dealing with one another, and we're specifically here talking about how we deal with each other and with a brother, that we need to be careful about just condemning. That brings us to the third point of things that we need to be careful about, and that is, don't justify or excuse people in their sins. You don't justify them. You don't excuse them. 1 Corinthians 5 and verse 1. We have an example here that the Apostle Paul had to deal with.

1 Corinthians 5 and verse 1. It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles, that a man has his father's wife. And you are puffed up, he said. Now, notice the margin for puffed up states arrogant. What were they arrogant about? Well, they thought that they were tolerant. They were broad-minded.

They didn't condemn. The word condemn isn't the best thing, but they didn't point out the sin. They didn't deal with the sin. They were arrogant. They were puffed up. They have not rather mourn that he who has done this, indeed, might be taken away from among you. So, you cannot continue in your sins if you are sinning, especially doing something that is heinous and wrong. You've got to stop that.

Verse 6. Your glorying is not good. Do you not know that a little leavened leavens a whole lump? Then, in chapter 4, verse 6, Now these things, brethren, I have figuratively transferred to myself and Apollos for your sake, that you may learn in us not to think beyond what is written, and none of you should be puffed up. None of you should become arrogant, he says, on behalf of one against the other.

For who made you differ from another? See, if we're not careful, we can begin to look down on other people. And a lot of times, we look down on people and their weaknesses, whatever it might be.

God says, who made you different? Ray Epperson is different from Ted Dallis. Ted Dallis is different from Bill Cowan. We go around the room. All of us are different. We all have different talents, different abilities. We all have a different genetic makeup. And God has given us his spirit, fruits of his spirit, but He's also given us all different gifts. Now, here was a church that was puffed up and had become very arrogant in how they were approaching things. And they were tolerating sin in their midst. And God said that they should not do so. Proverbs 14 also shows in verse 9 that too often people will make fun of sin. Proverbs 14, verse 9, fools mock at sin, but among the upright there is favor.

So people will laugh at sin. How many times have you seen a late-night show where somebody, a movie star, Hollywood type is there and they're talking about to have a baby and they're living with this person and there's no shame. They're not saying anything. They're talking about all that they're doing and the audience sits out there and claps and what a great thing this is. And in God's side, it's an abomination. But they think nothing of it. People brag today about being evil.

Actually, today, if you judge that something is wrong, if you say adultery is wrong, then you are condemned for not being tolerant. The only thing today that is judged that is wrong is judging that something is wrong. That's why it is condemned today. And so people become so tolerant that they don't have any standards whatsoever. What should we do if we see somebody else sinned or someone has a problem that we know will take them out of the church or keep them out of the kingdom? Well, let's go back to Leviticus 19 again.

And verse 17 this time, Leviticus 19 17.

Let's take a look at some of the things that we should do. 1 John 1, where it says, If you hate your brother, you are guilty of murder.

And where Christ said, You shall love your friends, hate your enemies.

Here he says, Do not hate your brother and your heart.

You shall surely rebuke or reprove your neighbor and not bear sin because of him.

God's laws regulate human relationships, how we react with one another. And if your neighbor or someone you know is really sinning, you have the responsibility to reveal that to him, to discuss it with him. Too often we're afraid of doing so because we're afraid we're going to hurt his feelings. How often are we hesitant to go talk to somebody because we're afraid, well, he won't like me anymore. He'll get angry with me. We are our brother's keepers.

I think I heard that earlier today. We are our brother's keepers.

The church is to be a caring community, a loving community.

We are, as it says here, to rebuke or to confront or to speak to that individual.

You don't want them to bring a curse on themselves from disobeying.

Now, when should something be brought to the attention of the ministry?

When should it come to us?

Well, there are three principles I'd like to give you on when things should come.

One is a rotten apple in the barrel or leaven in the bread.

If you have a bushel basket of apples and there are a couple rotten apples in there, what's going to happen if you leave them in there?

They're going to contaminate and rot those next to them, and then those will contaminate and rot the ones next to them.

So, if you have a rotten apple in a congregation, somebody who is perhaps talking about false doctrine, trying to get people to leave the church, spreading things that are not correct, then that's something that should come to us.

Same principle, leavening in the bread. It will spread, and pretty soon it will affect a whole congregation.

Now, the second principle is found back in Romans 16 verse 17.

Romans 16-17, where we read this, I urge you, brethren, note those who cause division, and offense is contrary to the doctrine, which you have learned, and avoid them.

So, if somebody is causing division in the church, they could divide the church, split us, lead us astray, then your loyalty is to the larger family, to this family, to the church group, not just to the individual.

How many times have I seen somebody leave the church, and another member come up, oh yeah, I knew they had this problem, or they were saying that, but I didn't want to say anything because I thought it would hurt them.

And so, this goes on for weeks and months. Finally, they leave the church, and if you could have intervened back here to try to help them, you might have been able to help.

Thirdly, when somebody is doing something that you know would take that person out of the church, that their actions, their attitude, their approach is about to take them out of the church, those are the situations that you bring to the ministry. Now, in Proverbs 27, in verse 5, Proverbs chapter 27, we'll begin to read here in verse 5, Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.

Now, why? Simply because you're going to help that individual.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend.

But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

So a friend might correct you.

You might feel upset for a while, but they correct you. You learn from it. You grow.

Somebody comes along and gives you a big hug. Pat on the back gives you a kiss.

And all of that, they're not going to help you.

So, brethren, we need to realize that open rebuke is better.

Sometimes, because the ministry has to correct, people think, well, they're not very loving.

And the Bible says the opposite is true. That love is willing to help the other person. As verse 17 says, Iron sharpens iron, and a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

So this isn't always talking about correction, but it is talking about the fact that we sharpen one another. We point things out to each other.

Luke 17 and verse 3.

Luke 17 and verse 3.

We find that we need to look out after each other. We need to be concerned for each other.

Says, Take heed to yourself.

If your brother sins against you, rebuke him.

If he repents, forgive him.

And if he sins against you seven times in a day, seven times in a day, return to you, saying, I repent, you shall forgive him.

Now, it's interesting, the next verse.

And the apostle said to the Lord, increase our faith.

It takes faith to do that. Somebody keeps doing the same thing over and over and asks forgiveness for you to be willing to forgive them.

Now, Matthew 18 was mentioned earlier. Let's go to Matthew 18 verse 15.

Because here we have the heart and core of how we should approach a brother.

If we see a brother sinning or doing something wrong.

Verse 15, moreover, if your brother sins against you, go tell him his fault between you and him alone.

If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

Now, let's analyze this verse. There are seven points in this verse.

One, your brother.

He's your brother.

Now, we heard that also.

He's not heavy. He's my brother.

He's not your enemy.

He's not against you. He's your brother.

Secondarily, it says he sins against you.

So, the fault, whatever he does, is against you.

Not against somebody else. It's against you. You go to him. He's hurt you.

If he sins against others, it's the other's responsibility to go to him and talk to him about his problem.

Then thirdly, it says, go tell him.

It doesn't say, hide it. It says, go tell him. Take action. That takes courage to be able to do that.

Humanly, we don't want to do this.

What do we do when we go to him? We tell him his fault. That's what we do.

We tell him his fault.

Now, you don't generalize around it. You don't say, Joe, let me tell you. You've offended me. Let me tell you your fault. You don't have enough love.

How can you wrap your arms around that?

But if you say, I saw you the other day over here at Hamilton Mall smoking a cigar.

A week before that, I saw you smoking a cigarette. I think you got a smoking problem.

You point something out to him specifically.

Give him concrete, specific examples.

That's something he can work on.

You do not get into motives.

Sometimes when we try to correct somebody, we get into motives. I know why you're doing this. Every time I see you, you poke me or you punch me.

I know why you're doing that. You don't like me, do you? You hate me. I know you. And you begin to impute motives to him. Now, you stick with the behavior, not the motives. You don't label him. You are the worst, dirtiest, and worst.

Dirtiest, filthiest, and you begin to label the individual.

You tell him how his behavior affects you.

Now, who can argue with that?

If I've done something against my wife and she says, Well, what you just said hurt me, you hurt my feelings. No, it didn't hurt your feelings.

Well, who am I to tell her it didn't hurt her feelings? She's telling me how what I did affected her.

And so that's what you're doing.

Now, if you handle these things very crudely, guess what?

You may not get a very good response. The person may be very defensive.

Whenever we approach a person like this, we should always do so with humility.

It would be something that you would pray and study about, and even fast about before you go talk to the individual.

And then when you go talk to them, you don't go in an arrogant point of view. You go humbly and say something similar to, I'd like to speak to you.

Something happened the other day, and I know I'm just as human as you are, and I've made all kinds of mistakes.

But this happened, and this is how it affected me, and I just wanted you to know.

And I'm not coming to condemn you or put you down, but I think this is something that would be good for you to work on.

And so you tell him. And if you do it humbly, and if he knows that you're coming because you love him, you care for him, most people will accept that. But if you come arrogantly and you're vainly and proudly, and you're going to put him in his place, no one responds to that in a right way.

Now, the next point, number five, notice it's between the two of you alone.

It's not between you and everybody else that you know that you tell them all of this person's faults, and then you go talk to them. This proves that you really care. Number six says, if he will hear you.

So you're hoping that he will hear what you have to say. Proverbs 9-7, just hold your place here. I'll go over and read this.

You find that not always will people respond properly.

And sometimes people don't respond properly to begin with.

After a while, maybe they have time to think about it. And once they have time to think about it, they begin to think differently. He who corrects the scoffer gets shame for himself.

And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. Do not correct the scoffer, lest he hates you.

So a scoffer is not going to receive what you say.

Rebuke a wise man. Now, notice.

And he will love you. Why? Well, it goes on to say, give instructions to a wise man. He'll be still wiser. That's why.

If you want to be wise, you learn what you're doing wrong and stop it. And you become that much wiser. Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.

That's the way we should be.

Then finally, the seventh point back here in Matthew 18, is that you will gain your brother.

You will have gained him. You will have saved your brother.

Now it goes on to talk about what happens if he doesn't respond to that. But we need to make sure our attitude is right, our approach is right, and you find these seven points mentioned here in verse 15.

Now let's go over to James 5, 19.

James chapter 5 and verse 19. James writes, Brethren, if anyone among you wonders from the truth, and someone turns him back.

Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.

So you save him from death from the lake of fire, and he can have a multitude of sins covered by Christ's sacrifice.

Ephesians 4, 26, I'll just refer to that, indicates that we should not go to a person in the spirit of anger.

We need to deal with the problem, deal with it sooner than later. Don't allow things to build up. This always seems to happen in marriage. Things build up and then boom, there's a big explosion. It can happen in dealing with one another, likewise.

Galatians 6 is another scripture that tells us how to deal with one another.

Galatians 6, verse 1, Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness.

Considering yourselves lest you be tempted, and bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.

Well, there are basically five points here. One of them is implied.

First, if you're going to do this, you're obviously going to have to talk to the person or confront the individual.

Secondarily, it says those who are spiritual. So, here's where we have to do a little evaluating.

Am I spiritual? Am I the one who should go talk to this individual?

This is where you need to turn the looking glass around, look at yourself.

This is where, perhaps, you need to pull the beam out of your own eye before you go and talk to somebody else about getting the splinter out of his eye. We have all those principles in the scriptures. Then it talks about that you might restore such a one.

So, what is the intent? Well, the intent is to gain your brother. You want to restore him.

And then, you're to do it. How? Well, in the spirit of meekness or the spirit of gentleness?

Not overbearing, not in a self-righteous manner, not arrogantly, but in meekness.

And then it goes on to say, considering yourself.

So, we have to consider ourselves. We have to realize we're human. You might also want to evaluate, will this person actually take this from me?

Maybe, you know, they don't have a lot of respect for you.

If I, as a pastor, had a problem, you know, somebody in the congregation I knew wouldn't necessarily take correction from me, it would be advantageous to me to send Mr. Cowan over to talk to him and see how he likes him.

To me, that's only wise. Why should I stir up the problem when somebody else might be there who could really help the person?

You know, it's one of those things. What you're wanting him to do is to respond, obviously, in a positive manner. In talking to a person, a lot of times you may not have all the facts. There may be extenuating circumstances that you were not aware of. I don't always expect a perfect response. I remember once my associate came steaming into my house, telling me about this visit he'd had with a lady, and that she'd gotten angry and almost threw him out of the house.

So we went back over to the house, and I thought, well, maybe I better go over with you and find out what's going on. Well, he started attacking her right off the bat, and she sat there for a while, and pretty soon she retaliated. They were like two dogs back and forth.

It had escalated to the point to where they would have come to blows. So I said, I will be back. I took my assistant aside and told him, don't you ever address a member in that manner. That is not the way you deal with a member. I don't care if they get angry, call you names, talk about your ancestors, your mother. It doesn't matter who it is.

There's no reason why you should approach the person in that way. You're wrong. Now, they're wrong, too, so I had to go back and talk to that person, and you explain much of the same thing to them. But they would listen to me. They never would listen to this elder again, because he had blown it to start with. So, brethren, we need to use a little judgment and know if somebody is willing to even listen to us if we're going to approach them. Then, finally, we need to pray for the person. We need to pray for those. Ask God to help them to repent. In 1 John 5, 1 John 5, verse 16, we find this, If anyone sees his brother sending a sin which does not lead to death, he will ask and he will give him life for those who commit sin not leading to death. There is sin leading to death. I do not say that he should pray about them.

All unrighteousness is sin, and there is sin not leading to death.

Now, we know the wages of sin is death. Any sin unrepentative can lead to death.

But here, apparently, he's talking about sin that we would sometimes classify as the unpardonable sin. Some sins by nature take longer to overcome. Some things are long-standing habits.

People have relapses, and we all find that we thought we had overcome something, and it comes back, and we're trying to deal with it.

So, brethren, these are some of the basic principles. We could go on. There are many other principles in the Bible, but some of the basic principles dealing with how we should respond to a person if they sin against us or have a fault. We see there's sin, or how we should not respond. This is one of the more difficult areas of human relationship, is it not? How to deal with another? How to respond to another in an area? This is something that we all need to grow in. I believe that's one reason why God gives us time to grow.

God doesn't baptize us and boom, we die and await the resurrection. We go on for decades and years, because we need to grow and develop as human beings. We are all confronted with these types of situations, and we need to be acquainted with God's laws and principles concerning relationships and how to handle these things. I'd like to finish with a folklore story, a Yiddish story, that illustrates what we're talking about.

Yiddish folklore offers a telling tale about gossip makers.

One such man had told many malicious untruths about the local rabbi that overcome by remorse he begged the rabbi to forgive him. He said, and, Rebbe, tell me how I can make amends.

What can I do to amend for all of this that I've done to you? The rabbi sighed, and he said, well, take two pillows, go to the public square, cut the pillows open, wave them in the air, then come back. The rumor monger quickly went home, got two pillows and a knife, hastened to the square, cut the pillows open, wave them all in the air, hastened back to the rabbi's chamber. I did just what you said, Rebbe. Good, the rabbi smiled. Now, to realize how much harm is done by gossip, go back to the square and collect all your feathers.