The Importance of Fathers to Families

I appreciate it very much, Jacob's sermonette. It does dovetail with the sermon today, which is very appropriate. We live in an age and a time and a society that is doing its best to denigrate and put down fatherhood, to undermine the values of families, especially Christian families, and to do everything they possibly can to undermine the proper and the right family relationship.

Let me read from a recent article that talks about fathers. Basically, it says that most of you men who are fathers are not important. You're a non-essential component in the family, and you don't matter that much. It says, in an article in a leading psychology journal, reports the presence of fathers and families in raising children is non-essential. The fathers may be detrimental to their children and to the mother. This particular journal, the American Psychologist, actually got into hot water here recently over an earlier report that concluded child sexual abuse did not cause persuasive harm.

And so, they went off on that bit. What you see occurring is a situation where many individuals who claim to be experts, who claim to know, and who should know better, are trying in every way to deconstruct the family. One of the deconstructs that they've come up with is the importance of the male role model on boys. The idea is that you don't need a male role model to model for young boys what a father should be like. They've also concluded that divorce does not irretrievably harm the majority of children. So, you don't have to worry about that. You get divorce. Don't worry.

It's not going to hurt the children. It won't have any impact on the family. The idea that a male role model is important in raising boys is also contested in the report. The assumption is that single mothers have a difficult time raising boys alone. The only reason for this is it's attributed to culture, context, and male dominance and negative attitude towards women. Here are some leading experts. These people publish. They do these articles.

The experts in the field read these articles. And you find that many go along with it. The author also questioned what they called the privilege of heterosexual marriages, saying that one, none, or both of the adults that have a consistent relationship with the child could be male or female, related or not, without doing significant psychological harm. So, what does that mean?

Well, those are cute words to say it's okay to have two moms or two dads, to be a homosexual or a lesbian. I mean, that's just plainly what they're talking about. And now you find down in kindergarten, they're teaching these things. And they're teaching at a very young age that all of these different lifestyles are okay. It says, our goal, the author concluded, is to create an ideology that defines the father-child bond as independent of the father-mother relationship. I mean, you don't need a father and a mother to have a father to bond with his children.

So, they're trying to deconstruct marriage, family, and especially with an emphasis upon fathers. So, fatherhood is under attack, especially in the Western world. Who is it who wants to destroy the family, and especially the concept of fatherhood? Well, let's go over to Genesis chapter 1. Genesis chapter 1, beginning in verse 27. And let's answer the question to start with. Who created the family unit?

Who is the one who created the unit and designated its component parts? Well, here in verse 27, Genesis chapter 1, it says, God created man in his own image. The image of God, he created him, male and female. He created them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, and replenish, or fill the earth. So do it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and over every living thing.

So what you find, it is God who made us male and female. He made the sexes. He also, one of the first commands to them, is be fruitful and multiply. He's not talking about planting tomatoes. He's talking about having children.

Be fruitful and multiply. So what does that imply? Well, that implies fathers and mothers. You know, when you become a father, that means that you're the one who is responsible for that child. The mother is the one who bears the child. Now, dropping down to verse 24 over in chapter 2, verse 24, says, Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man, and I want you to notice a little word, and his wife. So God married them here. There have been some who will argue over that point, but you find she is called his wife, not his cohabitor, or some other terminology that you might want to use, but his wife.

And they were not ashamed. So what you find is, be fruitful and multiply, what's supposed to be done in a marital relationship, a husband and a wife. It was not an animal cohabitation. It's a loving, warm family relationship. They were supposed to leave father and mother. Notice that. Man shall leave his father and mother. What does that imply? That implies that within a family unit, there are what?

There's a father, there's a mother, and there are children. And when those children grow up, they leave the family unit and establish their own unit. So God created the family unit, and who are part of that family unit? Well, there's a father, there's a mother, and there are children. And so it's very clear from the Bible. You have no children without a father. And conversely, you have no children without a mother.

I mean, it works both ways. They both must be there. You can't get the job done with two men and two women. There's got to be a man and a woman who's responsible. Now look at what Jesus Christ said back here in Matthew 19. Matthew 19, beginning in verse 3. Matthew 19, verse 3. The Pharisees came to him, testing him, and saying to him, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?

Can you just get rid of her and kick her out? And he answered and said to them, Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female? And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife. Again, we have wife here. So he's to be joined to his wife. And the two shall become one flesh. You do not become one flesh except in a marital relationship. That is a biblical principle. You know, taught throughout. They shall become one flesh. So then they're no longer two, but one flesh.

Therefore what God has joined together. So God joins them together. Let not man separate. So it's very clear here what God purpose. Divorce does occur today in society and incurs within a marriage. In order to have a divorce, you've got to have a couple that's married. And so Christ showed from the very beginning that God had not intended for them to divorce. And when they said, well why then did Moses command giving a writing of divorce? He said he didn't command it. He allowed it. He permitted it. Why? Because of your carnality. That's why. Because of their hard-heartedness and their carnality. God allowed it, but that's not what he intended from the very beginning.

So you find very clearly that the Bible shows what the family unit is composed of. Well today again we see that there's a conspiracy to destroy the family. Satan is the unseen influence behind all of this approach in society. And I think when you look around you can see the terrible effect that his influence has had. God is a father, and there's a reason why he is called a father. Why does God hate the family? Excuse me, why does Satan hate the family?

Not God. Why does Satan hate family? Why does he hate fathers? He's tried to pervert the family's structure from the very beginning. In 2 Corinthians 6, we'll begin to read in verse 17. You'll find one of the reasons why it's mentioned here. It describes God here and his relationship with human beings. Beginning in verse 17, Therefore come out from among them, and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you, and I will be a father to you. So what you find is that God in the Bible, in the Scriptures, is called a father.

Christ said, pray, our Father which art in heaven. So I'll be a father to you, you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty. So we have a family relationship here. When we become converted, receive God's Spirit, we become sons and daughters. So the relationship between God and human beings is a family relationship. Satan wants to destroy that relationship. He wants to divide us from God. He wants to hide the fact, and in the Scripture that's called blinding the eyes or deceiving human beings, that you and I can be a part of the family of God.

That God is producing children. You see, the popular idea today teaches the Trinity. The Trinity is three and one. It's a closed session, but you don't find that that's what God is like. God is a family. Two members in that family. Ultimately, there will be millions, billions in that family, and God is producing children. Satan hates that because he doesn't have the opportunity to do so, and he's incapable of doing so.

In Hebrews 2, verse 10, we find that the Holy Spirit is a family relationship. It's the overarching principle for what God is doing is to bring many sons to glory. God wants to bring many of us to glory through the resurrection, and it is through the resurrection, as 1 Corinthians 15 shows, that we receive a glorified body, and that we will be transformed from flesh to divine, from mortal to immortal, that we will take on a spiritual body. This is something that Satan cannot do. He cannot beget children and have a true family relationship like God can.

Therefore, he does everything that he can to destroy the plan of God. However, in the Bible, Satan is called a father. In what way is Satan the devil a father? John 8, verse 44. Let's read that scripture. John 8. We'll begin to read here in verse 44.

Christ, speaking to the religious leaders of his day, said, You are of your father the devil. So he calls him their father. And the desires, or the lust of your father, you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. And when he speaks, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it.

Now, a father is one who is a progenitor. He is the one who, let's say, creates or gives life to. Prior to Satan the devil, there was no lies. As it says here, he's a liar and the father of it. He is the one who began to lie. So we find that Satan is a father in the sense that he's the father of lies, he's the father of rebellion, he is the father of going against God in his way.

There is a way of life that God commands us to live. It's called the way. Satan came up with a different way, a way of selfishness and vanity and pride. And so he's the father of all of this. Can Satan the devil beget children? Well, the answer is no. He's a father in the sense of his influence.

The influence is the whole world to be like him, to mimic his attitude, to mimic his approach. In Matthew 22, verse 30, you find that the Sadducees and lawyers thought that they had tricked Christ. They came up with this trick question that had tricked everybody else. Nobody could give an answer to it. And they said, look, here was a woman.

She had seven husbands. Each one of them died in the resurrection. Whose wife is she going to be? They thought, aha! We have him. Well, in verse 30, Christ said, in the resurrection, they neither marry nor are given in marriage. So he said, you don't understand. In the resurrection, you and I aren't going to be male and female in that sense. We will be gods. We will be in the family of God. So they neither married nor are given in marriage, but are like the angels of God in heaven. So the implication is that angels do not marry. And they don't have children. You don't see mama angel and papa angel and little bitty angels.

That doesn't take place. Each angel was a separate creation. God begets us with his spirit. The spirit unites with the spirit in man. And we begin a new life, a spiritual life. The Bible refers to the new man. And you and I are that new creation. Now, Satan possesses people. He controls them, but he cannot beget them. And there's a vast difference. He cannot resurrect a man. He cannot make him immortal. He cannot make him a spirit being. And he's not able to create little devils. So there aren't little devils running around. So, you know, he's just simply not capable of doing that.

And he wants to destroy the plan of God. This is one reason Satan hates God, because he is a father. He's envious of God. He's filled with pride. He's filled with vanity. And he thinks that he should be able to do this. I want you to notice Satan's influence on those who profess to be Christians today. Quoting from another article right up by David Hoke, H-O-K-E, he says, there are some today who would like to make the Bible gender neutral. They'd like to remove all references to God as a father. God in their edited version would become our divine parent instead of our heavenly Father.

So instead of praying, our Father, which art in heaven, they would like for you to say, our divine parent, which art in heaven. Now, there are others who, the feminists, who would like to change it even more, to substitute mother for father. So instead of saying, our Father, which art in heaven, they would say, our Mother, which art in heaven. And so you have all of these wacky ideas.

The problem is, the Bible uses the word Father, and it doesn't use the word mother, it doesn't use the word divine parent, or something of that nature. Brother, do we think it's an accident that God has been revealed to us as a father? There are those who claim, well, the only reason he's referred to as a father is because the biblical days, it was a patriarchal society, and the Bible was written during that period of time, so it uses the imagery of the time. Could it be that God really wants to be known as a father? And a father does many things, but one thing he does is to begin.

And in a marital relationship, there's an egg within a woman, there's a sperm cell from a man, that sperm cell unites with the egg, there is a new life conceived, and a baby is born nine months later. And so we have that situation. We live in an age where fatherhood has been depreciated, and there's no doubt that attacks on the family is occurring. It's the radical feminists who want us to believe that society is worst off because of men and fathers. So, brethren, we need to realize that the Bible is very clear about the role of the father, the influence the father should have in the family. Satan wants to blur that fact. He wants to blur the fact that God created his male and female, and that we are to be husband and wife, fathers and mothers, and that that is spoken of constantly throughout the Bible. All you have to do is take your concordance out and type in the word father, or type in the word mother, or type in male-female, and you'll find dozens and hundreds of places, in many cases, where they are mentioned. Satan wants everyone to be the same. That's called the Adrogynous Look. Have you seen that today in society, where boys and girls look alike? Same hairstyle, wear the same clothing. You know, boys wear earrings, wear makeup. You know, girls are tough, and you know, they... have the real short cropped hair, and you know, they look like men. And so you find that Satan the Devil would love to just sort of blur the different roles between men and women. Can you remember back during the time when men were men and women were women? Well, thankfully in God's Church we see that. But that's not true today in society. When you look at the Scriptures, you find God Himself, God the Father, is a perfect example of what a father should be like. We want to look at God today and see what is He like as a father, because it sets the example of what we, as men, should emulate. We have a lot of young men here in the audience, in the auditorium. One day, if you're blessed to get married and have a family, you have the responsibility of rearing those children. In 1 John 4 and verse 7, we find what Jacob was talking about here, 1 John 4, beginning in verse 7.

One of the first qualities that you find that God has, and that as a father, any father, should genuinely have for His children, for His wife, for His family. In 1 John 4, verse 7, Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. So we find love is of God, but notice He takes it a step further. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. That is His nature. That is what He is like. He is love, and this, the love of God, was manifested towards us. So how do we know that God loves us? Well, that God sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. And this is love, not that we love God, but that He loved us and His Son, to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to be loving, or to love one another. So you and I are to have that love for each other. In verse 19, He says, we love Him because He first loved us. Now, if you'll back up to Romans chapter 5, you'll find something else about the love that God has for us. And this was what Jacob was hinting at when he was talking about the unconditional love that a father has for his children. In Romans 5, beginning in verse 6, it says, For scarcely for a righteous man will one die, yet perhaps for a good man, someone would even dare to die. But God demonstrated His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. So while we were in rebellion, while we were sinning, disobeying, breaking the law, going the opposite direction, God still loved us.

The old saying, love the sinner but hate the sin, certainly applies here. For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son. So God loves us, the human race, but He hates sin. And He knows that we're human. He knows that we're weak. I'd written down Luke 15, but I think I can skip over that one because it's been covered quite adequately. But I want you to stop and think about what the Father did in that particular case. It's a perfect example of God the Father. He had two sons. One obeyed, the other went off, was given His inheritance, was proficate, degenerate, went off gambling, blew His money on wine, women and song. Got to the point where the only thing you had to eat was with the pigs, the corn husk, out into the pig pen. Finally, He came to Himself and said, look, My Father has servants. I'll go back home and ask Him, you know, please give me a job. At least I can have a place to live and something to eat. Yet the Bible says when He saw Him, the Father saw Him a long way off. He didn't say, huh, look at this ne'er dwell. Coming back, I'll show Him. He's going to have to get down and really grubble in front of my feet. He didn't do that. He ran out, grabbed Him, hugged Him. And He clothed Him, put a ring on His hand, killed the fatted calf, had a feast, because He was so happy to see His Son. And isn't that the same attitude that we must have as parents? That our children disappoint us many times. They do things that are wrong. We always obey what we tell them to do. Yet we still love them, even though we may correct them and try to get them to go in the right way that is set for them. Let's notice over here in 1 Thessalonians 2, the Apostle Paul certainly emulated God's example and how He approached the church. How He dealt with the people there in Thessalonica. 1 Thessalonians 2, verse 7. He said, We were gentle among you just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. So affectionately longing for you, we were well blessed to impart to you not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you had become dear to us. So Paul was willing to give his own life. The NIV translation translates this. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. Brethren, parents share their lives with their children. Too often today, people are so busy, so involved, pursuing their own selfish ambitions and going off that they don't have time for their children. They don't have time for the family. And yet here was the Apostle Paul, who not only brought them the gospel, not only taught them the right way, but he shared his life with them. And he was among them, treating them just like a nursing mother who is nursing and taking care of her child. Going on here in verse 9, let's notice.

So how does a father deal with his own children? Well, he exhorts them. He exhorts them. He teaches them. He instructs them. He comforts them. How often do you find that your children need comfort, especially when they're smaller? When they need it when they're older, they just think they don't need it. But they need comforting. They need someone who can put an arm around them, give them a hug, give them a kiss, and give them comfort when they're going through a trial or test or whatever it might be, fail their last grade in school. And he charged every one of you. And the word charged here means implore, to exhort or implore them. So you'll find that as a father, we must share our lives with our family. And that means that you've got to give of your time. You've got to spend time with your children, with your wife. And you exhort them, you comfort them, and you charge your children. Girls who are without a father will normally go seek it elsewhere, because they desire the love, and if they're not getting it at home, they don't have the example of a father. They will go somewhere else. Dan Benson, in his book, The Total Man, mentions that the surveys that have been taken, the average parent, makes ten negative comments for every positive comment that they make to their children. So ten negative versus one. And it's been proven that you need at least four positive comments to offset every negative comment. Now, sometimes our children need negative comments. Shut the door. Get your elbows off the table. Don't eat with your mouth open. Whatever it might be. I mean, those may be negative, but they can also be positive, where you're teaching. But too often, we tend to be negatives. And we've got to make sure that we are involved, and that we are totally involved with the family. I'd like to read from an article here. This is by Janice Shaw Krauss, C-R-O-U-S-C, from the Beverly LaHay Institute. And it's quite a revealing article. This is something that was published in 2010. It says, this should be the final word. Twenty-four scholarly studies covering 22,300 separate sets of data, published in 20 years between 1987 and 2007, report essentially the same findings. That active fathers are absolutely essential in preventing behavioral problems with boys and psychological problems with girls. So it's absolutely important. As a result of this, they're saying that we should have a father-friendly culture. That's what we should be encouraging as far as family life is concerned. It says, we hope that this review will add to the body of evidence that shows that enlightened father-friendly policies can make a major contribution to society in the long run by producing well-adjusted children and reducing major problems like crime and anti-social behavior. Those analyses show that regular positive contact with the father reduces criminal behavior among children and low-income families and enhances cognitive skills. Cognitive skills, we're talking about up here. Like intellect or intelligence, reasoning, language development. In other words, when a father is around, the kids learn to behave, obey laws, and end up learning more. Having both a father and a mother present in the home and active in a child's upbringing keeps them in line and reaps positive behavioral and psychological benefits. This is perhaps one of the most significant findings of these studies, was for women, by the time they turned age 33, the girls who had a good relationship with their father, when they were 16 years of age, had a greater sense of mental and physical well-being and a better relationship with their partner. Now, this was a study that was done in Sweden.

And I think many of us know that the Scandinavian countries today are leaders in going off into amoral conduct. Sweden, Denmark, Holland. Norman and I, a few years ago, went to Germany for the feast. We kept the Day of Atonement in Holland. Turn the TV on, and you go through the channels, and it seemed like every third or fourth channel, there was some naked person running around. I mean, this is just common there. They don't think anything about it. And it's one of those things that you see. And yet, even in that type of society, an amoral type of society, they're pointing out that family is what is important. And so the same thing is true here in America. Every year, more than one million children in the United States are separated from one or other parent by divorce.

And many more are added to that total by unmarried biological parents, and some cohabiting for a while, and then simply deciding to stop living together. In 2006, some 1.6 million births, or 38.5% of all births, were to unmarried mothers in this country. We're talking about the United States. In fact, the United States leads the world in the percentage of mother-only families. In 2006, about 20% of all children were being raised in single-parent families. And for centuries, we have viewed marriage as a sacred institution, a foundation for family, a covenant between a man and a woman and God that is honored by people across faith traditions. It is also a legal contract carrying both responsibilities and privileges. Marriage between a man and a woman is the essential foundation for family. A group of related individuals bound together by the marriage covenant between a man and a woman, birth, blood, and or adoption. The family is a unique relationship characterized by love and commitment rather than convenience and choice. It's no coincidence that as the nation has changed its definition of marriage and family to eliminate the necessity of fathers, it has increased the number of vulnerable children. This is all based upon that Swedish study, looking at over 22,300 studies that they took and analyzed. Now, brethren, we need to realize the importance of a positive influence. I'm not talking about negative. We all know that there are situations in society where one or the other mate, a lot of times it's the man in the marriage, will abuse the wife or abuse the children, will misuse them, this type of thing. That's never something that should be, but we're talking about a normal family relationship. You don't have to be perfect to be a father. You don't have to be perfect to be a mother. But you do have to love and have concern for your children. In Ephesians 4, I want you to notice a scripture here, Ephesians 4, and verse 29.

Well, that's chapter 5. Let's go back to chapter 4. That'll read better. In chapter 4, verse 29, it says, So, we are supposed to encourage, exhort, comfort, help our children. We're supposed to instruct them and correct them whenever they need it. Now, in chapter 5, you find also, notice here in verse 33, So, the husband is to love his wife and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So, you find respect in marriage, love in marriage in verse 4, And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And children are to honor their parents.

Let me read from another article. This is by Caddy Macias, M-A-C-I-A-S, titled, Father Really Does Know Best. This is from Crosswalk.com. She's a contributing writer to this website. It says, All right, I admit it, I'm old enough to remember watching Father Know Best, Donna Reed and the Ozzy and Harriet shows on TV.

But is that really so bad? I was the oldest of three children, the only girl, and I adored my dad. He was my hero. She goes on to say, My husband is my second hero. One of my first memories is of the day we moved into a brand new house. The one my dad had been working on for months, after hours, after he worked. I was three years old. She said, I remember stepping across the threshold and feeling the air conditioning and thanking, you know, boy.

She was really impressed with what her dad had done. You know, had this house, it was all fixed up, and it was air conditioned. In addition to being a hard worker who nearly always kept two jobs in an effort to provide for us, Dad was a disciplinarian and had high standards. Many of you who are here, who have parents who, you know, live back in the 20s and 30s, 40s, will remember that almost all of them worked more than one job.

My dad did. He worked two jobs. He worked six, eight hours a day on the farm. Then he went to work and worked on the railroad. And, you know, many of our fathers did those type of things to provide for the family. And so she's talking about her father and how he set high standards. He knew if we were capable of an A, he would not allow a B. He would help us, drill us on math and geography, helpless spelling. And he says, Call me old-fashioned, but I'm concerned about the shift we've seen in our culture regarding our view of men, fathers in particular. Not only are they often portrayed as buffoons, helpless buffoons, but in many cases they are reduced to unnecessary annoyances.

If they're around, they just get in the way. Who needs a man around when Superwoman is there, ready to run things? Even children on most TV shows know enough not to ask Dad for anything except money. And so Dad is put down. Mom's in charge. Dad does not dare to challenge her. Look at all of the silly sitcoms we have today, all of the strange situations.

When you see some of these sitcoms, it's amazing. How different might it be if we return to the teaching of the Scriptures? Particularly Ephesians 5 and 6. Wives respect their husbands. Husbands love their wives. And they have a sacrificial love for their wives and bring up their children in the training and the admonition of the Lord.

So somehow television has got it all backwards. And that's certainly true today. So we find a father is one who is able to encourage his children, his family. He loves his family. So as fathers, we have to love our families. We have to show them that love. That implies spending time. And we also have to encourage them.

Now, in 2 Corinthians 1 and 3, we find that a father is also a comforter and a supporter. 2 Corinthians 1, beginning in 3. Blessed be God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort. So God comforts us. And you'll notice here in verse 4, who comforts us in all of our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. Sometimes it might not seem big, but when your child has a flat tire and doesn't know what to do, or runs off the curb and bent the wheel on the bicycle, or got picked on, or some problem comes along, they need help.

They need encouragement. They need somebody who can come along in comfort and support them. You and I, as Christians, need support. We need encouragement. And God is there to help us with that. And so you find the same thing is true of us as fathers in dealing with our children. Again, too often today, parents tend to be selfish. They don't have the proper care, one for another. Notice here in 1 Peter 5 and verse 7, 1 Peter 5 and verse 7, about how God cares for us.

It says, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. So God is very concerned for His children. So you find that a person needs comfort and encouragement and support. And if they don't receive it, they grow up discouraged, many times feeling alone, empty, timid, many times, especially among women, they are prone to promiscuity, fear of failure, weariness towards life, an obsessive-compulsive orientation.

A child who does not experience a father's comfort and support will find it more difficult to handle feelings of insecurity and withstand unhealthy peer pressure. They may also experience trouble in having a healthy relationship. They're more likely to succumb to the pressures of becoming sexually active in an effort to meet those emotional needs.

Many times within the church context, I've found situations where fathers are not there, and many times members, men in the church, will take an active part in helping and assisting with a family. You find that it used to be that families, the greater families, used to live pretty close to each other. And growing up, there was a mom missing or a dad for whatever reason. There were uncles, there were aunts, there were grandparents all around. They were there close enough to keep an eye and to be a major influence on people's lives.

Well, today, we're like shut-in. We're scattered all over the world. And you find that there's very little of that family support that is there, that is very important.

So, a young person who receives the comfort and encouragement of a father is going to grow up and be more compassionate, positive, sensitive, and filled with self-confidence or with confidence. So, we need to take time for our children, for our families. We need to do things with them. We need to encourage them.

We need to be there to comfort them. As your children are growing up, you need to turn the TV off and spend time with them. We need to spend time with our families. You'll find also, as Deuteronomy 8, verse 5 shows, that a father does all these things, but there's a time when you have to discipline. There's a time when you have to correct. There's a time when you say, you've been wrong, been over, and we are going to deal with this particular problem.

God is a loving father. He's a perfect father. God never does anything to our harm, our hurt. He's not evil. But God will discipline us when we need it. In Deuteronomy 8, verse 5, it says, So God will chasten us. He will correct us. He will look down and deal with us in that way. So why does God do it? For our good. That's why. The Lord, in Proverbs 3, verse 12, says, The man who disciplines his children is reflecting the character of God. He's concerned for his children. You don't want your children to grow up and go in the wrong way.

Sometimes there has to be a course correction. If you were at work, you had a job to do. Let me just give an example. Maybe you're in a mill and you're supposed to be producing this widget. And there's only a one ten thousandth of a tolerance on how it's milled. And you're doing a hundredth of a ten thousand. That's not good enough. Somebody's going to come along and say, you need to watch what you're doing. These are not acceptable.

The company won't take them. You need to make sure that you do it right. And the same thing is true. When you send a rocket to the moon, it can begin to veer off. And it has to have a course correction to bring it back. Otherwise, it's going to end up over here in space and the moon's over here. So you're shooting for your target. Our children grow up and we're concerned about their character. We're concerned about their values. We're concerned about how they live, their approach to life. And so they need to be trained. They need to be disciplined. Hebrews 12, we're all familiar with.

Let's go to Hebrews 12 verse 7. Hebrews 12 verse 7 says, If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons. For what son is there that a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.

Furthermore, we've had human fathers who corrected us and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the father of spirits and live? Man, deed for a few days chastened us as it seemed best to them. But he for our prophet. God always does it for our good, for our prophet, that we may be partakers of his holiness.

For you're wanting your children to be partakers of the right character, partakers of the right values. So you teach them and train them. Now, when you talk about correction, people automatically will use words like beat, hit, slap, abuse. And nobody's talking about that. You don't abuse a child, hit a child, beat a child. No, you find that there's a three or four step process in how you discipline. And unless you use this together, it's not very effective.

Some parents are just really loving you. They love their children. They just shower them with love. And so the child feels love, but he's never been taught discipline. There's some who all they do is discipline, and there's no love. And so the child grows up, despising maybe the discipline because they don't have a love with it. And then there are those who talk and talk and talk, try to reason with their children, and they think that, you know, that'll do the job.

Well, it's a three or four step approach. Child does something wrong. Number one, you teach them. You show them why what they did was wrong. You can't run out into the street. If you do, you'll get killed. There are cars out there. You'll get run over. And so you explain. You correct them. What you're doing is applying the penalty. They run out in the street and get hit by a car. That's the penalty. You apply the penalty and teach them responsibility.

And then you show them that you're able to forgive. And you can take them up in your arms and love them, or you can hug them and say, you know, well, you don't do it.

You again, I love you. And so what they begin to equate love and discipline together, forgiveness and love and discipline, and correction. And you teach them. So you've got to combine all of these elements together so that they can learn properly. You teach them responsibility and wrong actions have negative consequences. You want to help them to start living in a right way.

A father is also, one final point here, is a refuge for his family, for his children. When your children come home, a house should be a refuge. It should be where they want to come, where they like to come and like to be. Not, well, boy, I just can't wait to get out of here, but they want to be there. Notice in Psalm 57, verse 1, Psalm 57, verse 1, we read, Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me. For in you my soul takes refuge, and I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. Children ought to be able to come home and know that they have protection, that there's safety there. They've got mom, they've got dad there, they've got someone who will look after them, someone that they can go to and talk to and confide in.

David also, in Psalm 18, verses 1 and 2, said, I love you, O Lord, my strength, Psalm 18, verse 1, The Lord is my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield, the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. So children should feel safe. You tuck them in bed at night and tell them to go to sleep. They know that dad is there. I remember growing up as a child. You're out in the dark, you're all by yourself, you're afraid. Dad comes out and you stand next to him. You're not afraid. Dad's there. And so you know that he's there to help you, to protect you, to look after you. And the same thing is true for us as fathers.

There's a real need in our society for sound marriages, positive family relationships, and a positive father, male relationship in families. Just to give you an idea of the need for fathers, look at some of the statistics. Every day in the United States, over a thousand unwed mothers or girls become mothers. 1,100 teenage girls get abortions every day in this country. 4,200 teenagers contract sexually transmitted diseases. 500 to 1,000 begin to use drugs. Over 1,000 teenagers are drinking alcohol. These are all new. Others continue doing so. 135,000 children bring weapons to school, knives and guns and other weapons. Almost 4,000 teens are assaulted and 80-plus raped every day in this country. We have 2,200 teens who drop out of school. Seven juveniles under 17 are arrested for murder, and six teens commit suicide every day in our country. Something is going wrong. Something is not right in this country. A father is to be there, to be the spiritual leader and guide of his family. He has to take an active role in the family. Good fathers give, bad fathers are takers. Bad fathers are selfish, bad fathers are self-centered. Good fathers are sharing their lives and giving to their families. An article here I'll close with about fathers shape our view of God. Over the years, I've talked to a number of women who've expressed to me they have difficulty praying to God as a father because of the relationship they had with their father. Maybe they were abused physically, sexually, or whatever. Maybe they didn't have a father. They grew up with a negative approach to the very word father. Then when they come into the church, they find out that God is a father. That negative feeling is transmitted.

Here, an article by Kelly McElven says, It's not true that mothers and fathers are just interchangeable parts. You can just change one for the other, says Dr. Wade Horn, president of the National Fatherhood Initiative. What fathers do with children is somewhat different than what mothers do with children. For example, fathers are more physical with their children. Mothers are more verbal. Fathers encourage more risk-taking. Mothers are more encouraging of caution. Horn said, one is not better than the other. The two styles of parenting complement one another or each other. But statistics show that when a father is absent, the consequences are devastating in the marriage. Children living in fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, experience problems at school, have psychological and health problems, be victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior.

It says, with such staggering statistics, Americans are beginning to realize just how important fathers are to their children. But how does an absent father affect a child's spiritual life? As one psychologist tells us, fathers have the power to shape their children's view of God for better or for worse.

Now, how do they do that? Well, by teaching, by example, training. Father, if he's going to be a spiritual leader in his home, children should be able to see a father praying occasionally. Prays over the meal. He's studying, a Bible study. His attitude towards their mother. That he's genuine, that he's law-abiding. He doesn't come to church and say one thing on the way home, that he's talking about being disobedient or breaking laws. That he lives this way of life as a way of life and doesn't just talk about it.

So, you know, our young people learn about the spiritual qualities from their father and from their mother, obviously. If you want your children to learn, especially the boys, how to treat a woman, then, dads, why do they see how you treat your wife? You know, there's the example they're going to emulate. How do they know what a wife should be treated like? They see the love. They see the tenderness, the gentleness, the direction that you give to your wife. There is this example that is there. The experience a child has with their father is the first experience they have with the idea of God.

And it mediates their own understanding of God, says Dr. Paul Vits, author of Faith of the Followness. If you have a defective father, one who abuses you, a father who is weak, unworthy of respect, a father who is even just dead, what it does is to set up a negative understanding of the father and a negative attitude toward God.

It says, Vits studied the life history of several famous atheists. And it's amazing, some of them had dead fathers who left them abandoned in certain clear ways. Others had really abusive fathers who had literally abandoned the family and rejected it. Others had very weak and irresponsible fathers. I found this pattern over and over again in the life of famous atheists. He's talking about atheists like Nietzsche, Jean Paul Satry, Madeline Murray O'Hara. They became public figures because of their atheism. Looks like atheists reject God because they can't believe God would be a father.

And so, you know, they turn their back. Among Christian, but strong Christian fathers can provide a foundation that will last for years. Two examples are given here. The family of Jonathan Edwards and the family of Max Jukes. Consider the descendants of evangelists, Jonathan Edwards, who led Americans to the Great Awakening. He and his wife believed in loving Christian training. An ongoing study compared his descendants to that of a criminal who lived around the same time.

Edwards family produced 300 preachers, 65 college professors, 13 university presidents, 60 authors of good books, 3 congressmen and 1 vice president. All from that one family. The lineage of the criminal Max Jukes looks like this. 300 died prematurely. 100 went to prison. 190 were prostitutes. 100 were drunkards. And the family cost the state of New York more than $1 million.

We're talking about back in the 1800s here. And so you have a contrast between the two examples. So what is the value of a Christian dad on a family? You cannot measure the value because not only is the value for those children who are present, but those children who are going to grow up and get married and they're going to have families. And how are they going to treat their children? Well, as they were treated. How are they going to treat their wife the way they saw their mom being treated? And then their grandchildren. And when you have you as grandparents having an influence on the grandchildren, the great-grandchildren, and they're all being trained and taught God's way of life, then it can have a tremendous impact upon the future of a nation, the future of the church, and whether they make it into the kingdom of God or not.

So men, we have a wonderful opportunity as fathers, the blessing of marriage, everything that goes along with that. So we need to make sure that we are the proper fathers. And if your children are all grown and gone, you still have an opportunity to show the right example before them in your marriage and how you live.

Tomorrow is Father's Day, and your father may be dead. My dad died in 87. He was 83 years old. But how do you honor your father or your mother when they're no longer alive? You honor them by how you live. Honor them by the values that you have and that you keep. And so you show by how you're living that you respect them, you appreciate what they taught you, everything that they've given to you.

So we are blessed to have days in this country where you can honor father and mother. So I certainly hope, as Jacob said, that all of you have a wonderful Father's Day tomorrow. And remember the example that God the Father sets for us on how to truly be a proper father.