Jesus' Instruction on Reconciliation

Anyway, we've been studying the book of Matthew over the past several months. And of course, as I've tried to show you, Matthew did compile Jesus' teachings in several different sections. And we focused in several weeks on the Sermon on the Mount, which has been extremely beneficial to me, to be reminded once again of the basics of what we could say are the directives that Jesus gives to us as Christians. But in Matthew 18, you see another one of these compilations. Matthew 18, if you think about it, you probably recall something out of Matthew 18, maybe. It talks about reconciling with your brother. And clearly, Jesus is giving instruction for resolving differences with brethren, and perhaps it could be expanded beyond that at times, even with many other people. The section about going to your brother, actually maybe, it's in verse 15. I'm not going there right now, but in Matthew 18, 15, it starts this section that I think, again, would be one that we're at least have been taught about it in the past. And yet, how many times have we actually done what it says? Truly reconciled our differences from the heart and moving beyond those differences, not holding grudges and no longer having the bad heart of retaliation. Too many times we can know what it says and yet not do. And I hope to enhance this topic a little bit for all of us, because I think it is very important. It's an important topic for the children of God to fully realize the impact of what Jesus had to say. Now, I want to refer to you to Matthew 5, because we've already read this. But here in Matthew 5, as Jesus described a magnification of the law of, you shall not kill, he said that's connected to hatred and it's connected to anger. It's connected to our human nature. In verse 23, he says, So when you offer your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister, your brother has something against you. Leave your gift before the altar and go and first. Be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. Now again, sometimes it's easy to see what he initially said, and yet he added a lot more to it here. He said, our relationship with God may be restricted or hindered if we continue to harbor anger and resentment toward our brother. It's that important. Of course, later on in the chapter, you see him down in verse 38, a whole section. A whole section that talks about how do we deal with being injured or insulted in any way. And he describes how it is that we should not retaliate because that hurts us. That hurts our heart. It creates difficulty and a barrier between us and others and in some way an extension us and God.

And so he says, don't be retaliatory. If someone strikes you on one cheek, just turn the other. And again, I say, why should we do that? Well, because that's what Jesus did.

That's what he did. He didn't maintain, as he surely easily could have. I guess, humanly, you would think he would have reason to be angry with many of the things that people did, ultimately, clearly, the abuse that he would go through toward the end of his life. But see, he said, that's not what I'd simply commit that to the one who judges righteously. I simply don't retaliate. So I ask, could our lack of following these instructions as well as we might, could it affect our relationship with God? I think we should consider that. You know, broken relationships, because that's what this is about, are described in different wording in the Scriptures. Of course, you can go to different translations. You find a lot of different wording. I'll basically be using the new Revised Standard or the new King James, because that's the ones that we're mostly familiar with.

It's described as that your brother has something against you. That's what we read in Matthew 5.

Or it's described as offenses.

Offenses that cause there to be bad relationships. You could say bad blood.

That'd be the way some would describe it. But offenses that cause hurt feelings and, in a sense, create barriers for the people of God and don't allow the love of God to be spread among us like it should. A broken relationship could be described or is described in the Bible as sins against you, you know, whatever that might be. Occasions for stumbling are bound to come. See, these are all descriptions. Put a stumbling block before one of these little ones. These are different ways that this type of a broken relationship are described. Dealing with the fences, dealing with the stumbling block, sin against you, something against you. Those are all described in this way. I want us to look, first of all, in Luke chapter 17 because this is the parallel account and, in a sense, it's really just a summary. It's really just a summary of what Matthew is going to elaborate on in Matthew 18. And I think it's good for us to be able to make a connection here. I think in some ways part of the way that Luke wrote this seems a little hard for me to understand.

He says in Luke 17 verse 1, Jesus said to his disciples, occasions for stumbling are bound to come. So are we going to totally avoid ever having any kind of offense or broken? No, that's going to happen. It is to be expected because we're not perfect yet. We're not sinless yet. We actually offend with our mouth and offend with our actions sometimes. But Luke records saying Jesus said occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to anyone by whom they come. It would be better for you if a millstone were hung around your neck. You were thrown in the sea than for you to cause one of these little ones to stumble. He says creating offenses is bad news. That is troubling because see, the father and the son don't have any offenses. They don't have any disagreements or any disharmony or any lack of cooperation, any grievances, any grudges. If you're going to be like us, if you're going to be like the Godhead, the God family, well, you're going to have to get over offending. He goes on to say in verse 3, be on your guard or watch out if another disciple sins.

You should rebuke the offender, and if there is repentance, you must forgive.

And if the same person sins against you seven times in a day and turns again to you and says, I repent, then you must forgive. Now, I have to say, verse 3 and 4 sound a little harsh. Rebuke, that kind of word seems a little bit strong to me, but that's the way Luke wrote it. And yet, Matthew's explanation of that is, I think, far more clear as far as how it is. We should resolve an offense with a brother. But he tells us here, he actually gives the components here to go to your brother. If your brother accepts you and receives you, then you are able to forgive and resolve that issue and perhaps be on guard a little more against the next time. But not hold that as a grudge or as a weapon over somebody else. But see, again, that's just kind of a summary. And I want us to go now to Matthew 18, where he elaborates on this process. As I said, we often see verse 15 out of Matthew 18, but I will extend to you that I think Matthew 18, which appears to be, in a sense, really has more on the subject of reconciliation than we might have thought about. Because you can read verse 15 if a member of the Church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. Say we can read that and say, well, that's what I'm supposed to do. But again, that's not commonly what we do. We usually tell somebody else, so we spread it around, make all kind of missteps for us to also clean up. And yet, this is pretty clear instruction. But say, why does that not often work? Well, because we don't realize that Jesus, in these instructions, explained that the attitude in which you should do that is one of humility. One of, as we see it described in Matthew 5, looking at the log in your own eye until you go and try to help remove the speck in your brother's eye. That's what it says. And yet, Jesus is explaining, in the first part of this discourse, in Matthew 18, verse 1 through 14, he explains the need for humility. He explains the need for the self-assessment and the realization that, well, you know, if someone goes, actually as it seems to be indicated there in Luke, goes to your brother and rebukes him, and if he hears you, then you've gained your brother, or you forgive him. That just sounds pretty harsh compared to what Matthew's going to teach.

What Jesus was really saying is, well, if you have the humility and come to your brother in a loving and humble attitude, then the likelihood of that succeeding goes up. It goes up tremendously. And, of course, after this section in verse 15, down through verse 17, you also find, as the disciples, think about what Jesus just said.

Peter says in verse 21, how many times do I have to forgive him? Okay. See, he was following what Jesus was teaching. If we try to resolve the difficulty and I go to him and he hears me and we resolve it and I extend some forgiveness, how many times do I have to do that? And Peter brings up seven times. Do I have to do it seven times? He was actually being magnanimous because the rabbi said three. You know, the Jewish teaching was three times. That's plenty. Peter was going above and beyond. How about seven times? Nope. Nope. That didn't work. Jesus said not seven times, but I tell you, 70 times seven unlimited amount of times should you be willing to heal a broken relationship. And then, what does this section conclude with? An incredible, incredible parable about the need after you resolve an issue to forgive. And it doesn't say forgive and forget, but in essence, I think that's what it's indicating. Forgive and don't ever hold that over that person later on. Now, I know it's hard for us to forget. Sometimes we'll remember. Sometimes we think, I can use that later on. And of course, this can work with husbands and wives, too. You know, that probably is my bigger challenge that if I offend my wife, you know, trying to recover and try and figure out what I should have done or how I should have approached something or what I should not have said or what I should not have done, sometimes I might remember that and sometimes she might remember that, too. How well or how poorly we managed to do that.

And yet, see, Matthew elaborates on this process of going to your brother in an attitude of humility and as you hopefully are successful, truly growing in forgiveness. And of course, the whole parable, again, I don't know if we're going to read all of this parable, but the parable is about a servant who is forgiven of a large debt and then goes to someone who owes him a little bit of money and refuses to forgive, refuses to reconcile with that other servant. It says in verse 33, should you not have mercy on your fellow servant as I had mercy on you?

See, how many of us need the mercy of God? How many of us need the forgiveness that God extends so lovingly to us? It's amazing to see the way that Peter wraps up how it is that the people of God are set apart by God. He calls and he extends mercy. That's all it says. He calls us, he extends mercy, he wants us to learn to be just like that. And of course, he says in the last verse here in verse 35, so my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you if you do not, or talking about a punishmently Father will do to every one of you if you do not forgive your brother from the heart, fully, completely, and totally. See, this is a package, humility and reconciliation and forgiveness. That is what Matthew compiles, and in verse 1 of chapter 19, he says, when Jesus had finished these sayings, he went on to... See, that's Matthew's way of kind of tying this together. And yet, let's go back to chapter 18, verse 1. Look at what Jesus instructs on reconciliation, because that's really, that's the title, Mr. Jackson, Jesus' instruction on reconciliation.

At the time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, who's the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven?

Now, you would see that question being asked several times. That must have been something that the disciples thought about a lot, or they talked about a lot. They argued about a lot, I would say, because Jesus, even at times, said, what are you arguing about? What are you discussing?

Well, at least Peter and James and John could say, well, look, we just saw a transfiguration. We just saw a vision of the Kingdom. We just saw a vision represented of Moses and Elijah, and look who's going to really be in charge whenever this Kingdom comes. It's you, Jesus, the one that we're following. And so, who among us are going to be the greatest whenever you're a point? See, this was kind of human thinking, but it was what they argued about a lot. And it says, Jesus called, verse 2, a child whom he put among them, said, truly, I tell you, unless you change, unless you repent, unless you repent and you become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of God.

So here he's actually giving not only an answer to their question, who's going to be the greatest in the Kingdom of God, because we see that elaborated on in other places. We see it described as becoming a servant like me. That's what Jesus had to say. I'm the servant of all. I'm here. He says, he describes himself. I am meek and lowly in spirit. I am humble, lowly in heart.

He could teach from a standpoint of authority, and yet he explained that, well, you've got to change. You can't just be like you are and argue about everything and put each other down and say stuff that's hurtful, because words do hurt, whether we think about it or not. They do. And so we don't want to be offensive in that way, but he says, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Verse 4, whoever becomes humble like this child. And so obviously, he was focusing on a little child in many ways, being very trusting, being very obedient, or at least potentially obedient, humble, short memory many times. See, but he said, the thing I'm focusing on and I want you to realize is that humility is a trait that you must seek. Become humble like this child. That individual is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven. And whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me. Now, do the disciples get that? Well, it says in chapter 19 verse 13, little children came to him and the disciples spoke sternly to those who brought them. They didn't get it. They didn't comprehend the magnitude of the attitudes required to be a part of the Kingdom of God. They were learning, like all of us, we're learning what Jesus said and then learning to follow him and learning to be like he was. And yet, he starts out this whole section talking about, you know, you're going to have to seek a humility that allows you to approach things in a different way in order to be successful in what I'm going to tell you a little bit later. He goes ahead and talks about offending people. That's what he's talking about in verse 6. If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it'd be better for you to millstone, fasten around your neck, and you drown. Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks. Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes. See, obviously, Matthew elaborates a little more. Luke has a real concise statement. Okay, offenses are going to occur. But see, Jesus is elaborating on, you know, don't be offending people by what you say or do. Have an attitude of humility and being able to reach out and actually love one another. And then he gives a parable about lost sheep and about even nurturing and caring for the entirety of a flock. He says, that's what I do. I'm concerned about one that's lost, and I understand the others need care and nurturing, but if the one was lost, then I need to go find it. Have an attitude that is desirous of working things out. That's actually what we see that leads into what we read here in verse 15.

See, have an attitude of humility. If you're going to, if you've offended a brother or a brother has offended you, verse 15, if another member of the church, your brother, sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. Do that privately, do that humbly, do that desiring a solution, desiring a resolution, a reconciliation. And he says, if the member listens to you, you have regained that brother.

See, that's the desired result. That is, in many ways, the lesson of Matthew 18.

But of course, he goes ahead to say, and of course, Luke said, if you go and rebuke someone. Again, I think rebuke seems like a harsh word. Matthew seems to be implying, well, you need to go and you need to think of the right place, the right time, the right way to try to resolve an issue. You know, I actually saw this happen. It was amazing to me, because I was aware of an issue between two brothers that had risen over, you know, a pretty disastrous family-related situation. And there was conflict, you know, there was dislike, and there was offense. And I actually saw one brother go to the other brother, in this case, brother being church member, and reach out to him and explain, this is, this troubles me, this bothers me, we know this is not right. You know, to approach that in an attitude of humility instead of sternly or harshly. You know, in that reconciliation, I think, I think occurred. You know, the response of both of the people involved was very, very good. I don't think they think about that problem anymore. I believe they think it's fully resolved and forgiven. Now, again, I don't know how many times we might actually do that. But that's certainly what God says to do. What Jesus instructs us about reconciliation. And he said, so that's not only good for the two of you and for the body. You know, that's certainly good for each individual because obviously, you know, stuff that is offensive, you know, we tend to think about it when we are down. When we're low, we tend to think of stuff that's been gone wrong or that's bad or, you know, that's when we focus on it. And of course, that doesn't resolve anything either. That actually just, it's kind of seething, kind of like a boiling pot. It's simmering, perhaps, instead of strong boil. It's kind of seething under the surface. See, that doesn't create peace. That doesn't create a calm and a love for one another. It doesn't allow for that. It's amazing, you know, it's incredible what Jesus has to say.

Now, he also gives the directive here of Matthew, verse 16, if he doesn't listen, if you're not listening to, then we'll take one or two others along with you so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

Now, that's, again, something I imagine you're aware of. Again, probably very few times have we ever really done that. And most of the time, it's done not correctly. Most of the time, it's done in order to support me instead of you in whatever the dispute is.

And that's not really the intent of that. It's only to have someone there to verify that this is what happened, that this is what the issue is. This is what we'd like to resolve. Again, I think probably all two or three of those people involved are going to have to have an attitude of humility if that's going to work. If that's going to really be successful, I think the attitude Jesus points out in verse four is imperative. You must repent and become humble like this little child. And, of course, verse 17, if the member refuses to listen even to the second appeal, I'll tell it to the church. And if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, then let such a one be as a Gentile, an alien, a tax collector to you. Now, what's that talking about? Well, I think you can perhaps as you read that, as Jesus would later talk to the disciples a little more about what their authority is. See, is there authority in the church of God? Yes, according to Jesus Christ, according to the one who put it there, according to the one who is the ultimate authority as the head of the church. And yet, you know, that's kind of the last resort. Nothing else worked. Or perhaps we should have thought about what I did wrong so that the first option didn't work. And what I also did wrong is that the second option didn't work. And finally, you know, I need to go to an authority to ask, you know, can you help us? And hopefully that will don't work. You don't want brethren to be alienated in that way.

But see, that's Jesus' instruction. And again, you know, I want us to be thinking about how that Matthew was inspired to put this together in a way that, you know, maybe we haven't utilized. Maybe we've not understood how it's all ties together. But he goes on in Matthew 18 down in verse 21, as I said earlier, goes on to people realizing, yeah, well, of having to resolve difficulties, having to reconcile offenses, having to have a close and nurturing relationship in the body, in the family and in the body. How many times? So Jesus has to clarify. You know, this could go on endlessly because God actually goes on endlessly with you, forgiving, extending mercy, continuing to shed His love and care for you.

And of course, you know, the parable in verse 23, For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves or servants. And when he began reckoning, he who owed him ten thousand talents brought to him and as he couldn't pay, his Lord ordered him to be sold and together with his wife and children all his possessions and payment be made.

You know, he obviously owed the debt. He clearly was indebted. So the servant fell on his knees, said, have patience with me and I'll pay everything. And out of pity in verse 27 for him, the Lord of the servant released him and forgave him the debt. Now that clearly ties together with the way the kingdom of God is to rule in our lives. And not only should we seek a humility that would allow the process of going to your brother work, but also extend forgiveness and don't hold that over somebody's head.

That's what he's going to teach here. Out of pity for him, the Lord of the servant released him and forgave him the debt. But that same servant as he went out came on one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. A hundred pennies, in a sense, against the thousands of talents that's mentioned earlier and seized him by the throat. Pay what you owe. And when that fellow servant fell down and pleaded, had patience, I'll pay.

Verse 30, he didn't reconcile this broken issue. He didn't resolve this problem that needed to be reconciled. He said in verse 30, he refused. He went and threw him into prison until he could pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed. And they went and reported this to the Lord. And the Lord summoned him and said, you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have mercy on your fellow servant as I have mercy on you? His anger, the anger of his Lord, handed him over to the torch tormentors until he could pay the entire debt.

And so my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you if you don't forgive your brother from the heart. See, I think all of that goes together. I think for verse 15 to actually work, which is the optimum of resolution, of offenses or broken relationships, people have to be willing to enter into those. Of course, this is directed to members of the church who should be willing, who should desire, or at least learn to be willing to reconcile differences, to resolve differences, and to do so with humility, to begin with, and to approach it in a way that would perhaps ensure success.

And what Luke says, you know, go to your brother and rebuke him. If he repents, then forgive him. I mean, that's pretty succinct statement that he makes, I think, in chapter 17, Luke 17, 3. We've read that earlier. It's just a very concise description, but, you know, forgiveness and resolution is important. And if we look back, if we look back to Matthew 5 again as we conclude, I hope this not only helps us know something maybe more about Matthew 18 than perhaps we had considered, but also to realize that it's not enough to know, but we have to do.

And as Jesus says in Matthew 5, verse 24, leave your gift at the altar. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

See, in a sense, if we learn to do what Jesus said and learn to resolve interpersonal offenses, being a stumbling block or sinning against others, if we learn to solve those differences, then our relationship with God is enhanced.

And actually, I think it's interesting to see what Jesus continues to say.

Verse 25, come to terms quickly with your accuser while you're on the way to court with him, or your accuser may hand you over to the judge and the judge of the guard be thrown in prison. You know, you'll pay to the last penny. What's he talking about? Well, he's talking about in connection with being reconciled to one another. He says, reconcile quickly. Don't let things seed and grow and become bigger and bigger to where in many ways they seem unreconcilable. Go where a conflict might be and resolve that issue soon.

That's what Jesus is teaching. He's wanting us to realize that, well, you know, I offer you a tremendous blessing of knowing the truth, of knowing the mercy of God, of knowing how God is wanting you and his family, and how he wants you to be that same way toward others. That's what he teaches us here. And so, I think you could also say, because, you know, we could maybe read one more verse here. You could say that if the peace of God that passes all understanding is going to abide in us, then we're going to need to be reconciled to one another. We're going to need to be in close communion with one another, as we need to be in close communion with God. And, you know, if we follow the instructions or lessons of Matthew 18 in an attitude of humility, going to our brethren in a reconciliatory manner, and then as repentance occurs, forgiving, being required, if we follow that, then we will grow in our relationship to God. Because what John says here in 1 John, 1 John chapter 2, you see John pointing out to the brethren as he was an older apostle, and as he had seen quite a bit happen in the church, and as he had seen a lot of distress, Paul talked about a good amount of distress and people who had gone turned against him, and lots of different problems that people would suffer. And certainly, you know, Jesus said, the occasion for stumbling is going to happen. Watch out for those who would lead you astray and such. But John is writing, and he's encouraging people, you need to have the love of God. God is love. You need to love God and love your fellow man. You need, the commandments are not grievous. You know, these are all things that John is stating here in these little epistles that he wrote at the end of his life. But here he says in verse 7, I'm writing to you no new commandment but an old commandment that you've had from the beginning.

Verse 8, I'm writing you a new commandment that is true in him and in you because darkness is passing away and true light is already shining. He says, you know, you've been given a glorious privilege of being in the light. You need to share that light. You need to share that love. In verse 19, whoever says I'm in the light and yet they hate their brother or they have an offense with their brother that is seething under the surface. They're still in darkness, he says, because in verse 10, whoever loves his brother lives in the light and in such a person there is no cause for stumbling. If we are truly being, as Jesus said, be changed, be transformed people, seek the humility of God, reconcile with one another and forgive one another, you know, then we truly can be the children that God is very, very pleased with.