Raising Children on God's Advice

The title of today's sermon, in line with the blessing of little children today, is Raising Children on God's Advice. Raising children on God's advice. Brethren, one of the greatest blessings and responsibilities that God gives us is the privilege of raising children. Children are not only a joy in our homes, or they should be, they are a sacred trust. That's what I'm going to address today. The way we teach and guide them today shapes not only their future, but also the future of the church. In Psalm 127, verse 3, we'll read just a little bit of it. It says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. The fruit of the womb, a reward, like arrows in the hand of a warrior, are the children of one's youth. Children belong to God. He allows us to guide them for a short time to aim those arrows in the right direction towards his kingdom. The goal of a godly parenting is not just to raise polite, successful children. It's to raise faithful disciples, young men and women who will one day walk with God on their own, and who will live forever in the kingdom of God, and who will help other people do the same. Do you ever think of your parenting that way? Your parenting is to aim those arrows in the right direction. Today we're going to look at four biblical principles that teach us how to do that. We're going to spend most of our time on principle number one, and then we're going to kind of hurry through principles number three through four. Those four principles, let me give them to you up front. Number one, teach and train them diligently. Number two, set a godly example for them. Don't just teach it, live it. Number two, set a godly example. Number three, discipline with love.

Number four, nurture without harshness. Number three is discipline with love. Number four, nurture without harshness. All four of these principles, even though there is actually more than these principles in the Bible, there's not enough time in one sermon to give them all. These four are of equal importance, but number one takes the most time to explain. Because if you just say it and you don't give any examples, it's not going to make enough sense. So let's start with point number one, teach and train your children diligently. These are four of God's principles of raising godly children, which is our duty. It's not just a privilege. It's not just a biological result of marriage. Let's begin where God begins himself with teaching. In Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7, God gives timeless instruction to parents. Let's go there. I'm going to take a second. I normally plow through a sermon. And don't give you time to turn. I'm asking parents, open your Bible app, open your Bible, read this with me, because we're going to spend a lot of time today on this verse. Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7. Deuteronomy 6, verse 6, and these words, he's talking about his commandments, his statutes, his laws, and these words I command you today shall be on your heart. Not just external. Christianity isn't external or outward compliance. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. This means, Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7 mean that teaching is not an event. It's not something you fit into your day. Get this point. It's not a class or a lecture. It's woven into daily life. It is your all-day, every day duty. When you're eating dinner, when you're driving to school, when you're walking together, when you're saying good night, when you're on vacation. Those are teaching moments. When you're watching TV, when you're making cookies, when you're stacking wood, when you're cleaning your room. Parents should always teach. When your kids are really little, your teaching is concrete and not abstract. As they get older, they start to think more in abstract terms, which means you have to know your children, and you have to bring them from where they are to where God needs to be. Listen to this quote from simplypsychology.org, an article, Pageant's Theory on Stages of Cognitive Development. Listen to this. Now, I'm going to read this quote, and it's an important quote, but it's easy to misunderstand as well, and I'll get to that. But first of all, let's start with the basis. Quote, in formal operational stage, children develop the ability to reason more abstractly, systematically, and reflectively. This stage is the fourth and final stage in gene-paget's theory of cognitive development. Typically, around the age of 11 and continuing into adulthood. End quote. Another quote from the same site. Between ages 7 and 11, in concrete operational stage, children become more logical in their thinking.

You get that? Ages 7 to 11, they start to grow from concrete to abstract. Finally, in the formal operational stage, from adolescence onward, children develop the ability to think abstractly and solve hypothetical problems. This is important to understand, and if I just talked over your head, because you don't use those terms in everyday life, I'm going to explain it.

Take a moment to understand the development of the way your child thinks as they grow. See how amazing and wise God's instructions are in Deuteronomy 6 to train a child. Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7 addresses that very issue of the brain development, the thinking development of your children, from when they're really little and concrete, all the way to where they become teenagers and start to think in abstract, hypothetical terms.

What is concrete thinking? Well, definition can be concrete thinking focuses on literal, physical, observable facts. It deals with things that can be seen, touched, or directly experienced. That's concrete thinking. A young child understands things as they are. This is a chair. Those chairs are blue. When a bird flies in the sky, it has wings.

Little understanding is there, but a little understanding is there. Now, it's not that there's zero abstract thinking in a child. I remember being a child and thinking, why? Abstract is asking why, essentially. Concrete thinking doesn't ask why. Concrete thinking asks when and where. Right? Usually focuses on specific objects, actions, or events. That means that little children prefer and need direct explanations and examples.

And your job as parents, according to Deuteronomy 6, which is to train them all day every day, is to take them from these little concrete thinkers into asking and understanding why things are the way they are. And you've got very few years to do that. So, with your little concrete thinkers, with your young children, if you say, don't put all your eggs in one basket, your little concrete thinkers are going to picture an actual basket of eggs. And they're going to wonder, why is Dad being so weird? Okay, abstract thinking. The definition of abstract thinking involves understanding. Understanding what?

Understanding concepts, ideas, relationships that aren't physically present. In other words, they start to look for patterns, they look for meaning, they look for principles behind what is seen. When a child gets older, he or she understands metaphors, symbols, and analogies. This is like this. They think about ideas, theories, they even reach for possibilities. I wonder if I could do that better. That's abstract thinking. They connect individual facts into a broader understanding, and that is so important when it comes to the word of God and internalizing Christianity.

When they hear, don't put all your eggs in one basket, the abstract thinker understands. That means don't risk everything on one plan, or diversify your efforts. That's abstract thinking. So, here's a biblical example. Jesus often used parables, right? Which require abstract thinking, because the parable says one thing and means something far greater. You have to understand its deeper spiritual meaning to get the parable. For example, John 15 and verse 5, Jesus said, I am the vine, you are the branches.

A concrete thinker might wonder how people are literal branches. But the abstract thinker recognizes it's a metaphor for spiritual dependence on Christ. Just like the branch is dependent on the vine, you and I are dependent on Christ. And we have to stay attached to Him in order to survive. The abstract thinker gets that. The concrete thinker doesn't get that. So, what happens once your little children start to become ages 7 through 12? Early in life, they tend to think more concretely, but their ability to think in concepts starts to grow. They start asking why a lot more. But that abstract ability is not fully engaged until they reach adolescence. So, parents, you've got a challenge.

To fulfill Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7, you've got a challenge. To take these little thinkers and develop that thinking into reasoning with God. Reasoning like God. At this age, when abstract thinking emerges, they... Why is this critical? Why am I even talking about this? This is the time in their life when most of them will decide whether or not they're going to follow God or they're not going to follow God.

Whether the God of my parents is my God, or whether I'm going to go another way. They do it not in the teenage years. They do it when they're developing in their abstract development. 7 to 12. They can make that decision in their life as early as 9 years old.

Parents, you've got a challenge. So it's a critical time, this age, 7 through 12. They aren't fully skilled in abstract thinking. They're very new at it, in fact. But life choices are actually being made at this time.

And at these younger ages, they tend to understand stories and rules, but they struggle with figurative and spiritual concepts. So that's where parents... God knew that! God didn't just know that, He designed that on purpose. And that's where you come in. You, parents, fill the gap. The Old Testament is full of great stories for kids. These are great for concrete little thinkers. They will go back to those stories even when they're older and start to think much more deeply about them. I know because I still do that. I just went through Genesis and now I'm going through Exodus. And I think much more abstractly now that I'm almost 60, than I did when I was 7 years old, sitting at my dad's feet, learning about Jophis, because I couldn't pronounce Joseph.

But they will come back to this, parents, and they will think deeply on these stories that you teach them. You start with stories from the Bible. When they reach ages 12 through 16, they begin to really think abstractly. They start asking why and what this means, developing spiritual insight. And Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7 is telling us that their moral warehouse should already be full by then.

As a parent, your job is to get them ready for the abstract explosion. Your job is to stack that moral warehouse with right decisions, so that when their mind just becomes full of questions, why and how and possibilities, they have something to draw on to make good decisions. So, how can you encourage your children to grow in godly, abstract thinking? Let's go through some ways to do it. And if you're not a note taker, you might want to take some notes now. How to encourage growth in godly, abstract thinking. Start with the tangible. Now, we're talking about kids who are below the age of 12. Start with tangible. Use real-life examples, stories in the Bible, everyday conversations while working, cleaning the room, making cookies, eating dinner together, etc. Remember, you are always a teacher. Illustrate faith and obedience all day, every day. Keep it tangible in the activities that you're doing that day. So, you don't change what you're doing during the day. You're going about your business.

You just have a side job all day, every day. And that side job is teaching the kiddos as you're doing what you're doing. And it's very important to do that because that is tangible, concrete teaching.

Secondly, while you're doing all of that through the day, ask reflective questions.

How do you guide your children from concrete to godly, abstract thinking? Well, you start by remembering you're a teacher all day, every day, just like Deuteronomy 6, verses 6 and 7 told us.

And then, you ask them reflective questions. What do you think God wants us to learn from this story? Why did David trust God when others were so afraid? Start to ask the why questions and pull that abstract thinking out.

Then connect, number three, everyday life to spiritual truth. In other words, give them the answer. Make the connection for them. You link chores and walking through nature and choices that you make to lessons about faith and character. For example, let me just give you some quick examples. You don't have to jot these down because there's a million of them. It happens every day, all day, every day. Chores and responsibilities, when they're cleaning the room, you could cite Psalm 51, verse 10, Create in me a clean heart, O God. You could say something like this, Just as we clean our rooms and make them orderly, God wants us to keep our hearts clean by removing wrong attitudes and sin.

Kind of like we heard in the sermonette. Right? And you draw from the concrete cleaning of the room to something abstract. They start to make these little connections in their minds. You're out weeding the garden. Hebrews 12, verse 1, Let us lay aside every weight and sin which cleans closely. You say something to them while you're weeding the garden. You know, removing these weeds helps the good plants grow. Removing bad habits or influences helps our spiritual lives grow. You draw the connection. Or you see them being selfish with each other. Happens all the time in families. You tell them to share or be kind to the siblings. You refer to Ephesians 4, verse 32, or another scripture. There's a lot of them. This one says, Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another. And you say something like, you know, Every act of kindness trains the heart to love other people the way God loves us. So why don't you try being kind to each other? And you take these everyday experiences and you draw a spiritual conclusion for them. Now this requires you to know the Bible. So you've got to do your own daily Bible study and prayer. Don't worry, parents, you're qualified to do this. Don't think, oh, I need to be a minister to do this. No, you don't. You literally just need to read the Bible every day. Pray to God every day, and you've got this. You do. Then, after you do those three things, okay? So, number one, we'll start with something tangible. Ask them a reflective question. Connect the everyday experience. In other words, give them the answer to the question. Then, number four. And this one seals the deal. If you don't do number four, steps number one, two, and three are absolutely irrelevant. Throw them out the window. You're cooked.

Step number four is you have to model the deeper thinking. You have to model it. If you don't do it, if you don't live it, it's irrelevant. Let your children hear you reason through Scripture, prayer, and decisions. Don't keep it from them. Now, obviously, you keep the heavy, disturbing things from them. You don't talk about those around the dinner table, right? Making those super... it just depends. And sometimes you do. You just pray about it and ask for God for wisdom. But you don't put too heavy a burden on kids. But if there's life decisions, do we buy this car? Do we not buy this car? And you want to talk about it? Make sure the kids are there! Let them hear you reason through with godly reasoning what you're going to do. Well, what does the Bible say about budgeting? What does the Bible say about going into debt? And you have a biblical conversation, and you let the kids hear it. The choices you make. You talk about your faith. You model it for your children. And what you will be doing is taking concrete examples of everyday life and giving them deeper spiritual meaning behind those daily tasks.

So that they start to be able to do that themselves. You guide them to grow from concrete thinkers to these giant abstract thinkers who can learn from God's Word in a dramatic way. And thus you fulfill Deuteronomy 6 when it says, You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. That's how you do that. You take that Scripture literally. That Scripture is so important because you've got to take these kids from their little absolute concrete thinking to a much bigger world.

I spent a lot of time in that one point because it's a big one. Let's quickly move through the next three points of raising children according to God's advice. The first one is to diligently teach them all day, every day. You know, God trains us the same way, repeating a lesson in our lives until it becomes part of who we are. Parents were told to do the same thing for our children. Point number two in setting a godly example. Let's turn to that second principle now. And go to Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 7. I love this verse because it is a cause and result verse. Proverbs 20 and verse 7. It says, The righteous who walks in his integrity. So you're a righteous person. You're walking God's way. It says, Blessed, in other words, happy, are his children after him. Isn't that neat? Children watch far more than they listen. I think that's why, I mean, you know, God gave them two ears and two eyes and one mouth. Because they're supposed to have much more input than output. But they watch you far more than they listen to your words. Almost always they do what we do. And not always do they do what we say, do they, Mom and Dad? The greatest sermon our children will ever hear is the life we live at home. Far more than anything I'll say up here, or any other speaker will say up here. If we speak about love, that we respond in anger. Our words lose their meaning. If we talk about prayer, but they never see us pray, they won't see its importance. But if they see humility, if they see forgiveness, if they see prayer in daily life, those lessons go deep into their heart. Titus 2, verse 7. Titus 2, verse 7. Basic, fundamental principle. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works. And in your teaching, show integrity and dignity. Don't just say it, you have to model it. Integrity in the home builds trust. Your kiddos trust you. But do you know hypocrisy destroys it? Coming to church and learning God's way, but not living it at home, destroys your children's trust. So when parents make mistakes, and we all do, that's going to happen. The best example we can set for them is to admit the mistake, apologize right in front of them, letting them hear it, and moving forward, and they see Christianity in action. They see repentance and redemption. It teaches humility and repentance more powerfully than any sermon I could possibly give. Our children's view of God is most often shaped by how they see us respond to challenges in life. If they're growing up in the church, your example is critical to them. If they see faith under pressure, if they see patience in trials, if they see love when you're correcting them, they will have a clear picture of who God really is. Point number three, advice number three from God. Love, discipline, and correction. What is godly discipline? What a huge topic. You could spend an entire hour on this alone. Discipline is not just punishment. Please let me repeat that.

Discipline might involve punishment sometimes, but discipline isn't really punishment.

Look at it like training through correction. The purpose of discipline is training. The purpose of discipline isn't anything other than training. Anger, frustration, exhaustion. Discipline is not just punishment. And it is always to be an act of love, not anger. Discipline is love. Proverbs 13, verse 24. Talking about disciplining your child, I want you to notice something critical that I see a lot of parents miss in this proverb. Whoever spares the rod hates his son. A lot of people just quote that part of the verse.

Literally, I literally hear people say, Spare the rod, spoil the child. And they miss the meaning of the proverb because they don't read the whole thing. But whoever loves him is diligent all day every day to discipline him. Love. Correction is about love. If you're not loving your child at the time, take a time out. It is not the time to correct the child. Get yourself in line first, brethren. The world, however, often confuses discipline with cruelty. Nay, nay. God defines it differently. Discipline sets boundaries. Teaches consequences. That is so important. Don't run into the street to chase that ball because you will get hurt. There's a consequence to that.

You want to love your child? Discipline your child. Discipline sets boundaries, teaches consequences, and it builds character. Hebrews 12, verses 7-11. You can read it later. We don't have time. It reminds us that God disciplines those he loves. Why? Why does God do it? We should do it for the same reason God does it.

It says so we can share his holiness. The purpose for discipline is to make us set apart for a special purpose. If God disciplines us for our good, then our discipline as parents must also be for our children's good. Let me suggest to you four principles for godly discipline. Four basic principles based on what we just read. Number one, be consistent. It says diligently, diligently discipline. Not sometimes, not when you're angry or frustrated or you've finally had enough. Your feelings have nothing to do with it, brethren. God's word has everything to do with it. Loving your children has everything to do with it. God's word is the standard, not your level of frustration.

So just remove it. Deal with your frustration later. Be consistent. If you don't follow through, children will learn that boundaries can be ignored. Number two, be calm. Anger never produces righteousness. Correction done in frustration wounds the heart of a child. And you know what your child learns?

I can do whatever I want to do as long as I don't make mommy or daddy mad. And that is not a godly standard. If I can get away with it, I'm fine. That is not a godly boundary. Calm yourself. Calm yourself before you discipline. Be calm. Anger doesn't produce righteousness. Third, be clear. Know in your mind why you're disciplining them.

And disciplining doesn't always include punishment. Sometimes it includes taking something away or making them do something again and doing it right. Oh, I cleaned my room. No, we're not going to the park because you've got to clean your room again. Discipline does not always include punishment. But you need to be clear. Explain why something was wrong and what the behavior is expected instead. And number four, very simply, and most importantly, be loving. Always restore the relationship after the correction. My parents did this so well.

My parents were not perfect. I was sometimes disciplined in anger, not from my mom, but from my dad. Dads tend to do that. But you know what? He always restored the relationship. I always knew at the end of the day he loved me. And I always knew I deserved everything I got. Everything I got. I deserved so much more than I got. Be loving. Your children will draw the same conclusion I drew if you are loving. Don't worry about it if you make a few mistakes along the way. Restore the relationship after the correction. The child should never doubt your love, even during discipline.

They should simply know they did something wrong, there's boundaries, there's consequences, and you're going to get it. And you're going to get it every time. Think how God dealt with ancient Israel. Just think about it. Ancient Israel. I mean, if you really study them, they were idolaters, they were sexually immoral, they were literally murderers. At one point, Jerusalem was a city of murder, and they would bribe the officials and get away with it.

It was a horrible place! It wasn't like under King David, or under any of the righteous kings. Most of the time, ancient Israel was a deplorable place to live. How did God deal with them? He corrected them, he sent them off into slavery. Oh, they got quite a spanking! But he restored the relationship, didn't he? Or he's going to? He promised to. He promised restoration and mercy, and in that, God sets boundaries. But he shows how much grace he puts into the discipline of his kids. Even ancient Israel is going to be brought back. And like us, they don't deserve it.

They don't deserve it. What they did was horrible. And God said, I'm going to clean you up, I'm going to put clean clothes on you, I'm going to put jewelry on you, and I'm going to bring you back. And that is you, parents. When correction comes from love and not irritation, it builds respect instead of resentment. Be like God.

Oh, he disciplines. Oh, yes, he does. Any Christian knows that. But he always restores the relationship. Okay, and the last point, point number four, of God's advice, and we'll go through this quickly, provide an environment of nurture, not an environment of harshness.

Take a step back and think about your family life. Is it constant conflict, or is your home something you can't wait to get back to, because it's peaceful? Final principle today is nurture, showing care and compassion and patience for one another in the home. Psalm 103, verse 13, beautifully says, As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

When children know they're loved, they're far more willing to listen and obey, and that builds trust between you, and that trust goes both ways. Love, if you will, if I can use an abstract idea, is the soil where correction can grow. Love is the environment your children should be living in. And of course, the great definition of love is 1 Corinthians 13, verses 4 through 7.

It describes the kind of love every parent should strive for. It says, love is patient and kind, it bears all things, it believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Nothing your kids could do to make you not love them.

The 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love must define your home. When parents practice patience and forgiveness and gentleness, and you're trustworthy with an expectation of trust and return, your home becomes a place of safety and peace. Children are raised in a kind of environment that's more likely to reflect God's love and own relationships later in life. Okay, those are the four principles that we went through of raising children God's way.

So I would like to say, as a way of reminder, parenting is a sacred work. It's not an event, it's an all-day, every-day kind of a thing. It mirrors God's relationship with us. Think about it. God doesn't take a break from us. If He did, we'd all be dead. We are His children. He teaches us, He corrects us, but He guides us and He comforts us, so that we may grow into His likeness. And that's your job as a parent. So let's briefly review the four biblical principles before we close today.

Number one, teach or train them diligently. Let God's Word be a part of every day life.

Number two, set a godly example yourself. Live the lessons you want your children to learn. If you don't do that, it's all for naught. Number three, discipline, yes, but with love. Correct calmly and consistently, and always restore the relationship. And number four, nurture without harshness. Show compassion, encouragement, and be patient with them. Build a peaceful environment in your home.

I have this in my living room. Huge plaque. Joshua 24, verse 15.

But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Let that be a commitment in your household. That statement isn't just a one-time declaration. It is a daily decision. It's something you have to wake up every day and say, As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Every morning, parents decide again to make their home a place where God's Word is lived and loved.

Our Father in Heaven is a perfect parent, and we're not. But He gave us the path to go.

He never gives up on us. He never stops teaching us. May we follow His example in raising the next generation children who will grow in wisdom and faith and develop the love of God in their hearts and in their character.