Responsibility of Parents and Children

So I'm going to continue the theme today, talking about children. Did you know that God gives responsibilities to both parents and children? It's true. Raising a child involves responsibilities on the parent and the child. You are both responsible for that child's upbringing. I bet kids were unaware of that. Kids have some responsibility in their own upbringing. That's right. Parents also have a great responsibility in raising their children. Today, we're going to discuss both the responsibilities of parents and children. Let's look first at what God says to children. Let's go to Ecclesiastes 12, verses 1 and 2. Yes, kids, it's right. You are actually responsible, in part, for your own upbringing. Your life is your responsibility. Ecclesiastes 12, verse 1. Remember now your Creator in the days of your youth, before difficult days come. And the years draw near when you say, I have no pleasure in them. While the sun is light, and the moon and the stars are not darkened, and the clouds do not return after the rain. And in Ephesians 6, verse 1, you're given even more responsibility. Ephesians 6, verse 1. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Yes, God talks directly to you, not just to your parents. God is actually interested in your life. And He tells you, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. How many of you want to live a good, long time?

Well, there's a commandment with a promise, that if you obey, if you honor your mom and dad, He will grant you long life.

And in Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 11, we are told, Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 11, listen to this. You are held responsible for how you behave. Proverbs 20 verse 11. Even a child is known by his deeds, whether what he does is pure and right. Your reputation with God starts when you are a child, and you are responsible in part for your own life. Even when you're a kid, yes, that's right. In our society today, we don't hold kids responsible until they're 18. God is watching you right now, and He's bigger than the United States government. He's your creator. He gets to say which way is up and which way is down, which way is north and which way is south. Whether or not He's going to hold a child responsible or not. And He does. Wow! But parents are also responsible, and God speaks to them as well. I'm going to spend a good deal of time with us mom and dads today.

Deuteronomy chapter 6, starting in verse 5, we're all pretty familiar with this scripture. Deuteronomy 6 and verse 5, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart, in your heart, not just on the outside actions, but actually part of who you are. And then it says, you shall teach them diligently to your children. This matter of the heart is also supposed to change and mold the heart of our child or our children. And you shall talk to them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.'" We are going to spend a lot of time in Deuteronomy, but not right now. We're going to go back to Deuteronomy, because, amazingly, God, through Moses, starts and finishes Deuteronomy with instruction on how to teach our children. It's that big of a deal. Just as God commands us to obey Him, parents are also, listen to this, expected to command their children to be obedient.

Now, that just sounds offensive in our society today. You're not supposed to command. Oh, guide, yes. Mold and shape, yes. Suggest to your children, yes, but command. That's a little uppity, don't you think? No! Listen to us judge God in our society. He told us to command them. Tell them what to do. When a little baby is born, he doesn't have any instruction. Don't fall. For societies, it takes a village. Philosophy. It doesn't take you, mom and dad, to raise your children. It takes society to raise your children. In other words, don't bother teaching your kids any morals. Let the government do it. Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'm concerned that parents in the church are starting to think that they know more than God. That they can just make suggestions to their kids, but don't require anything from them. And just rob their children of happiness and life. Just cheat your children, because you want to fit into society. You're unwilling to buck against what society teaches, and you're just going to fold your cards and go along with what everybody now is saying. Do you love your children?

You're supposed to be in charge of your children's lives. More so when they're young. You do everything for a baby, and when they're a little older and can talk, in other words, talk back, parents tend to give in a little too easily.

Oh, there's nothing I can do about it. It's their iPod. It's their computer.

It's their TV. You let your kids have a TV? What? Here, Satan, have free access to my child. I'm not in charge. You take over.

A child's brain, brethren, is like a warehouse that stores information on how to make choices. So a parent's job is to fill that warehouse with the ability to make good moral choices. And you know what? I know. I understand. That takes a lot of time and effort. It does. I sympathize with you, brethren. I'm right there in the trenches with you. It takes time and effort. We're going to go through, specifically today, some of the things you need to spend time and effort on. Parents are to teach children how to make wise choices. When they're young, you often help them make wise choices by making the choice for them. Show them how to make wise choices. Kids today are addicted to choice. Look at the breakfast table of most of us. Would you like cereal or scrambled eggs? I want toast. I want toast. Okay, do you want orange juice or apple juice? Grape juice!

We don't have grape juice, honey. I want grape juice! Orange cup or red cup?

Wine glass.

We're addicted to choice. When they get older, then you're supposed to start to require them to make choices. Simple things like food choices at a restaurant, or what to do with their money, and you guide them through the process. You don't just take your hands off and go, okay, honey, little darling, I love you. You're on your own. But you actually talk them through the choice. As soon as I get my money, I'm going to spend it all on whatever it is they desire. The eye is never satisfied. The stomach is never full, Solomon said. They will spend their money unless you teach them not to. I want this useless piece of plastic. You already have that useless piece of plastic. No, no, no. Mine goes this way. This one does that. You don't need two of them. Just bend it that way and save your money. You walk them through making wise choices. And then eventually, when they become teenagers, especially in those middle teen years, you almost have to force them to make choices. Well, I don't know. I don't know. You tell me. I don't know. No, I've taught you since you were young. What is the right thing to do? Now you choose. But you know what, parents? Even then, you don't take your hands off. You are responsible to fill a huge moral warehouse called a child's mind with the ability to make wise choices. What does that look like? How do you do that? Well, the Scriptures tell us, and I want to walk through that today. I'm going to read the Bible. Moses finishes speaking with the children of Israel in Deuteronomy 32. I would like to go there and start in verse 45. We'll read Deuteronomy 32, verse 45. Help your children make wise choices and praise them when they do. But do not give up your personal responsibility as a parent to command, yes, command your children.

Have a backbone.

First of all, don't be a know-it-all and think you know more than the Creator God. He invented life. He gave it to us. He designed it. He knows what He's talking about. Deuteronomy 32, verse 45. Parents, we're responsible to command our children to fill that moral warehouse of a mind with good decision-making ability. Moses finished speaking to all these words to Israel, and when he said to them, Set your hearts on all these words which I testify among you today, which you shall command, command not suggest, not be so busy and stressed out that you don't even talk to them, but command your children to be careful to observe. All the words of this law, for it is not a futile thing for you because it is your life, and by this word you shall prolong your days. Parents, I ask you a question. Do you want your kids to have long days and be happy? I know I do.

God tells us how to do that. We're not going to be there for them all the time, so we have to guide them while we have them, because once they're gone, you know, we'll have them for Thanksgiving and the feast once in a while when they're not off gallivanting around the globe, but you have them right now. Gross neglect of childbearing responsibilities will disqualify adults from leadership responsibilities in the church. God does not consider you fit to lead anything in a congregation if you can't raise your children. Did you know that? 1 Timothy 3, verses 1-5. How big of a deal does God take it for you to raise your children?

And does it mean God holds you responsible for every bad choice your child makes? But He is watching. He does watch. And it is a big deal to Him how you raise children. This is a faithful saying. 1 Timothy 3, verse 1. If a man desires a position of bishop that's an elder, he desires a good work. A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach, not given to wine, not violent, not greedy for money, but gentle, not porous and not covetous. All of these things we're familiar with that an elder must be. But verse 4. One who rules his own house well, not one who's a tyrant who rules his house and his children are just perfect because they're afraid to make a mistake. That's not ruling your house well, and not somebody who can't rule at all. Oh, nothing I can do about it. I can't stop my daughter from wearing a miniskirt, from wearing something completely inappropriate, from cutting her hair to look like a boy. Nothing I can do. It's her head. Really? And you want to be a leader? God doesn't think so. How big of a deal is it that we parents take responsibility for our children? One who rules his house well, having his children in submission with all reverence, they respect their dad. And if they respect their dad, it's a pretty good sign. For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the Church of God? I say to this point that God has high expectations on parents. I don't say this so that you can learn to become an elder. I point this out so that all of us will see the weight that there is involved in parenting a child.

Some of you have grandparents or grandchildren. I think most of us have grandparents. At least I hope we do. Something's wrong if we don't. Even if they're not alive, we have them. But look at what a high responsibility that God places on parents. And he holds us responsible to the point where we're not even fit for a position in the Church if we can't raise our own kids.

The point is that God cares about how we raise our children. Proverbs 29 and verse 15.

Proverbs 29, the rod and rebuke give wisdom. What is the rod and rebuke? Yes, it's physical correction. It's spanking. Don't think you know more than God. But it's not abuse. It's never done in anger.

We and the Apostle Paul talks about that, and we'll read that if we have time, how fathers make a good attempt to discipline their children. But God is perfect at it. And it seems like when we get to the Apostle Paul, and we'll talk about it a little more when we do, that Paul did not have a great relationship with his dad. Because maybe his dad did not understand Proverbs 29 and 15. Quite the way he ought to. The rod and rebuke. Do you know what rebuke is? Verbal correction.

You know, you need verbal correction also. It's not all just, hey, you made a mistake. That's three swats. That's not the way to raise a child. And I will show you from the Scriptures that is not the way to raise a child. But there does come a time when there's absolute rebellion and absolute defiance, when there is a time to give a child a spanking. Then it says in that same proverb, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. And that's the point. We tend to leave our children to themselves. In fact, society is preaching that to us. Don't squash their self-expression, which means let them tune into the world 40 hours a week without you supervising it a bit.

If you want to translate that, that's exactly what that means. That's why God is telling children in Proverbs chapter 23 and verse 22, listen to your father who begot you and do not despise your mother when she is old. Satan will not give you kids a break. He is after you constantly, but you have someone on your side. And that someone is always telling you what to do. Mom and dad, what are you kids supposed to do about that? Don't tell me what to do! That's what our natural reaction is.

Who do they think they are? I can see they're not perfect. That's not the reaction God wants you to have. God is inviting you to become wise and actually listen to your father and don't despise your mother. And in Colossians chapter 3 and verse 20, it says, children obey your parents in all things. Imagine that. Your parents actually know more than you, and they do. For a time, there will come a time when you will catch up.

But right now, your kids and your learning and the best place to learn is mom and dad. Children obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. And why does it please God for you to listen to mom and dad? Because they're the one people, especially when you're in the church, who will teach you how to follow God.

And that's what God is looking for. The world won't do it. School won't do it. The music won't do it. Videos won't do it. YouTube will not bring you to God. Don't get me wrong. I like YouTube. Some of it. It's just a media channel. We used to have television. We used to have to turn the stations by hand. Click, click, click, click, click. Now, it doesn't matter what device you have. It doesn't matter what video you want to watch. It's out there. You just search for it and boom! It plays on that device. But that's dangerous.

Ask mom and dad before you do that. And mom and dad step in. You were to command your children. The interaction between parents and children, described in the above verses, is crucial to being successful in the development of our youth to mature responsible adults. Both parents and children have to make decisions that determine the outcome in that process. And God has given us some crucial information on how both parents and children, interacting together, can do their part to make these formative years wonderful years of development.

Your childhood can actually be wonderful. Even if it hasn't been wonderful up till now, it can start now. So let's look at some of these keys to good parent-child strategies. First of all, children develop a better outlook towards life if they experience an enjoyable, fun-filled youth that's supervised and approved by their parents. But it's fun! Believe it or not. Ecclesiastes 11, verse 9. Yes, God wants children to have fun. So grumpy parents need to lighten up.

Notice Ecclesiastes 11, verse 9. Rejoice, says God, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart. Have fun, God says. Have fun.

And in the sight of your eyes, but know that for all these things, God will bring you into judgment. Do you know what that means? Sounds kind of scary. It means God holds you responsible as children for what you do. Have fun, but be supervised. Be careful. Parents have to recognize that children think like children. Approach them on their level. The transition from thinking like a child to thinking as an adult occurs gradually. Even into the early teen years, they're still thinking like a child. They're transitioning into thinking like an adult, but they're not an adult yet. That's why they find things funny, that you don't find funny anymore.

And we can really take a lesson from that. I think we should find more things funny than we do, but life gets to us. Stress washes over us like the waves of the sea. And we just don't find things funny like children do. Notice how much fun children love to have. And that is a God-ordained attribute of a child's mind. 1 Corinthians 13, verse 11, When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But when I became a man, I put away childish things.

But your kids haven't. They're still children. Let them be children. Let them think like children. Fill that moral warehouse with the ability to make good, moral, wise decisions, but remember their children. And youth should be fun.

Effective parenting can be done only by parents who enjoy their children. Point number two. Effective parenting can only be done by parents who enjoy their children.

So I'm not being judgmental today because I'm in the trenches right along with you. And I'm just as grumpy, if not grumpier, than any of you. But I've got to tell you, and I plead with you, if you don't enjoy your children, pray about it and start enjoying them today. They need that. Proverbs 23, verse 24, The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, and he who begets a wise child will delight in him.

Some people want perfect children, but it's like they don't enjoy them.

And if that's you, if life, if your background, if stress, if your marriage, if something has stopped you from enjoying your children, I ask you to go home in private, get down on your knees, and ask God to open your heart to start enjoying them. This process will not work. If you resent the fact that you have children.

In order to develop proper children, or children properly, they need a lot of encouragement. And if you don't enjoy them, you won't encourage them. And that's the purpose for enjoying your children. You have to be on their side when they fall down. You have to be the one that gets them back up. You've got to be the one that says, you can do it. I believe in you.

You have to see their intelligence and their talents and their abilities, and point them out when they go, I don't have any talents. I'm not good at anything. Of course they are.

You're an adult. You can see it in them. I see greatness in all my children. All four of them. They don't always see it. I do. I can see it as clear as I can see the nose of my face. And I've got a big nose. It's easy to see. Can you feel that, parents? You're the one who picks them up when they fall down. You're the one who encourages them to do anything they set their mind to do. And you're the one to guide them to make good moral choices. You think they're going to listen to you if you despise them? Believe in them. Enjoy them. Colossians 3, verse 21. Specifically, I speak to the dads. In Colossians 3, verse 21, Paul says, Fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.

You know, it's possibly better translated in the New American Standard Bible. Fathers do not exasperate your children that they don't lose heart. It's not your job to ride them constantly. You did this wrong, you did this wrong, you did that wrong, and this is out of place. And all you do is tell them what they did wrong. They need that. Don't misunderstand me. They need to know when they're about to hurt themselves.

They need so much more than that. They need you to believe in them. Parents, believe in your children. See the talent in your children. And don't just see it. Tell them that you see it. And don't be dishonest. Don't tell your child that he or she is a great singer when they're not. But if they are a great singer, tell them that they are.

My parents did me a favor and did not tell me I would make a great surgeon.

Good for them and my potential patients.

Had I become a surgeon. What are we doing here?

Can you imagine me asking that in the middle of open heart surgery? There's all these veins and stuff going on. I'm big picture. I'm not nuts and bolts. I would not have made a good surgeon. My parents knew that. They didn't point me in that direction. They did me a favor. But they believed in me and they were proud of me.

My wife had a very different experience.

So we've seen both sides of this equation in my family. And don't get me wrong. I love my in-laws. They're awesome. Not everybody is wise in raising their children. Enjoy the time you have with your children. Make their life moral, but fun. Isaiah chapter 66. Let's read verses 10 through 13. Isaiah 66 10 through 13. Notice the enjoyment that God has in children. The enjoyment that parents are supposed to have. Isaiah chapter 66 verse 10. Rejoice with Jerusalem and be glad with her. All you who love her, rejoice for joy with her. All you who mourn for her that you may feed and be satisfied with the consolation of her bosom, that you may drink deeply and be delighted with the abundance of her glory. For thus says the Lord, I will extend peace to her like a river and glory of the Gentiles like a flowing stream. And then you shall feed on her side, shall be carried, how? And be dandled on her needs as one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you. My kids are too big to put on my knee anymore. Maybe Zach, but he's getting heavy. Tell you what, he hurts my knee when he sits on my knee now. Pretty soon I'm going to be sitting on their knee and pray for them.

Do you know that God enjoys us and he wants us to have fun? And this is what parents should do with their children. So before we get into discipline and all the things we need to do with our children socially, we need to enjoy them and believe in them. And that's where parenting starts. And if you don't have that right, the rest of it will be wrong.

John 10 and verse 10. John 10, 10. I have come that they might have life, and it might be boring and dull, and they'll hate it. Is that what he said? No way. He said, I have come that they may have life and they may have it more abundantly. You should want to take your kids here and go there and buy them this and do that because you believe in them, because you want them to have fun.

You want them to have a great start in life, and that's where parenting starts. Have deep feelings for your children and for their feelings. I don't know if this is point two or three, but have deep feelings for your children and for their feelings. It's not just their actions that you're molding, it's their heart.

Psalms chapter 103, Psalm 103 verse 13.

As the Father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear him.

For he knows our frame, he remembers that we are dust. As a man, his days are like grass, and as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it and it's gone. Life is short. But have deep feelings for your children's feelings. And its place is remembered no more. But the mercy of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him and his righteousness to his children's children. The word pities there is actually two words in Hebrews. It means loves or is compassionate, and it means above or beyond. In other words, it implies loves beyond measure.

A father loves beyond measure his children.

A child that is consistently discouraged, brethren, a child that is consistently discouraged, needs immediate personal attention, help and encouragement. Sometimes such sadness begins with a parent who doesn't understand the child's emotional makeup. And they use ineffective child strategies. Most of the time, the same child strategies that were used on them that they hated. May I suggest to you that you learn something new?

That you don't just repeat the mistakes of generations gone by? You can do that. Yes, you can.

How? Ask.

Look at people whose children aren't discouraged and ask them. Look at all the gray heads. Who are the ones that still have children who take care of them? You ask those people how they raise their children.

Because they did something right.

They may have gotten a lot of things wrong, but if their kids still take care of them, they did something right. So ask! You've got a goldmine of advice if you ask the right people.

So if you see a child who's discouraged, they need immediate attention. Sometimes excessive discouragement in a child can mean discouragement or trouble in the parents' lives. Deal with it. Fix it. How? Get help. Get advice. Don't hide it. You have this much time with your kids and they're gone. You need to fix it now. Oh, it's too late. No, it's not. Sometimes, depression can be caused by a harmful habit that the child is concealing.

You need to be in your child's life. This is the danger of the It Takes a Village philosophy. I'm not really in charge of my children's lives. You know, they've got counselors at school, and they've got YouTube and music. If your child is discouraged and there's no family problems going on, you either have no idea about your child's emotional makeup and you're not relating to your child, which happens? Ask me how I know. I've got four children. I'm not judging you. Or your child is concealing something from you and shame on you. Find out what it is and fix it. Who else is going to come to their rescue? You're the one. You're the parent.

Apathy on your part, being overworked, overstressed, underpaid, all of those things that cause you to not pay attention to your children will rob them of their future. You put those things aside and you pay attention to your kids. Apathy and sadness in your child is a clear indicator there's some problem going on and it needs to be addressed quickly now. The key word is now.

So don't ignore your children's mood. Their feelings are very important. It's who they are.

Next point. All right, so we've got a good framework going here and we've got it right out of the Bible. We're to encourage our kids. Their life is to be fun. We need to pay attention to the feelings. How are we to approach our corrective measures toward our kids? The next point is be gentle. That's right. Be gentle.

1 Thessalonians 2, verses 7 and 8.

How are we to be with each other, especially with our kids? 1 Thessalonians 2 and verse 7. 2 But we were gentle among you as a nursing mother cherishes her own children. 3 So affectionately longing for you, we were well pleased to impart to you, not only the gospel of God, but also our own lives, because you have become so dear to us. Do you just give your life to your children? Your job is not as important. How tired you are is not as important as that child who's in front of you.

So be gentle with your children. In everything else we're going to talk about, be gentle. When you correct your children, when you develop your children, when you teach them how to be social, all the things we're about to talk about, there is one thing that covers them like an umbrella, and that is to be gentle. Remember, you're on their side. You are their advocate, their champion. You're the one who picks them up when they fall down. You're not against them. Be gentle. Yes, you will have to correct them. You never do that in anger. If you're angry, don't spank your kids. It's okay to be angry. You get angry. But it says, be angry and sin not. Let the anger cool down. Go to your room. That's what go to your room is for. Kids don't know that. I just told them. Go to your room. I'll deal with you in a minute. You know what that's for? For you to go get a glass of ice water and calm down. Be gentle. You get time to think things through. Pray about it. Ask God to help you mold the heart of your child.

A lot of times you mold the heart by whipping the butt. But you don't do it in anger. Everything else we're going to talk about is covered, but be gentle. Okay, next point.

Spank your children, right? No. Nope. That is not the most important thing. This one is crucial in child development. And I know you're going to think this is a little wonky at first, but bear with me. It's not. It's critical. The next point. In the parents' responsibility in raising their child, you know what it is? Play. Play. Play with your children. Don't just let them play alone. Oh, let them play alone. I mean, don't be that parent that's always hovering over your children. They have to go learn to make mistakes, come back crying, and you have to fix it. But once in a while, in fact, quite often, you need to play with your children.

Remember the prophecy in Zechariah chapter 8? We've all heard this at the Feast of Tabernacles. It's just the way things ought to be. And in the future, when Jesus Christ returns, this is the way things will be. What will the kids be doing? And why do they do this? Zechariah chapter 8 verse 4, Thus says the Lord of hosts, Old men and old women shall again sit in the streets of Jerusalem, each one with his staff at his hand because of great age. And the city streets shall be full of boys and girls playing in its streets. That's the way it ought to be. Kids play. Why do they play?

You know what it says right after that? Thus says the Lord of hosts. As if to say, this is the way God has ordained it. That's right. He made kids to play.

Thus says the Lord of hosts, It is marvelous in the eyes of the remnant of his people in these days. It will also be marvelous in my eyes, says the Lord of hosts. God loves to watch children play. Work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. They'll have plenty of that. Right now, they need to play. Playing will teach kids social skills, how to interact with other people. Teach your children not to cheat when they play. It is the perfect opportunity to fill that moral warehouse with good people skills. When you play with them and they cheat and you correct them, they have to be fair. You institute the rules that God institutes on us. Everybody plays or nobody plays. There is no partiality when we play. You don't just pick the best players on your team. You're my son. You be fair. And when you play, you make sure everybody plays. Oh, but if I pick him, we'll lose. Playing is so important.

It teaches children so much. The worst example of parents in play is the American Little League Baseball System.

You see parents up in the bleachers during the umpire's call, teaching their children how to cheat, complaining. They're the worst example of playtime for parents. And that's the way our society is. We grow up, but we believe Little League was right. At least the world does. Teach your children how to play by playing with them. And you will teach them how to interact with people.

And then the next point is wisely discipline your children. It's not the biggest thing you're going to do in their life. It is something you need to do, however. But it is not your biggest priority. Playing with them is a much bigger priority. A lot of us are so tired, the only thing we do is discipline. Be wise in your discipline. How do you get wisdom? You ask God for it. And then you get advice. But first and foremost, you ask God for it. He will give it to you.

But you must discipline your children. Proverbs 29, 15-17. The rod and rebuke give wisdom. But a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. We read this already. When the wicked are multiplied, transgressions increase. That's the American Little League system. But the righteous will see their fall. You want your kids to last? You discipline your children. Correct your son and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to your soul. You have a responsibility to not just be their friend. You are not their friend. You are their parent. And when they are off track, you have to put them back on track.

But make sure that your approach in child discipline is modeled after God's approach. Let's look at God's approach now. Because the Apostle Paul seemed to think that human fathers do not naturally have the right approach. And I think he's right.

Being a human father. Hebrews 12.5 I think the Apostle Paul has a really good point here. We need to model God's way of discipline, not our natural way of discipline. Hebrews 12.5 And have you forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons? Yeah, we're God's children. He's our parent. My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord. You know what the word chastening means? Spanking. Yep. Spanking.

Don't despise it. He says, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. Oh, God doesn't love me anymore. No, of course he loves you. That's why he spanked you.

If you endure the chastening of God, verse 7, nope, sorry, verse 6, for whom the Lord loves, he chastens. God deals with you as sons. For what son is there? For what son is there that a father does not chasten? But if you were without chastening, of which you have all become partakers, then you were illegitimate and you're not sons. If you don't get corrected, you're not a child of God. Every one of us goes through trials and we know it.

But if you are without chastening, of which you become partakers, you're illegitimate, not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the father of spirits and live? For they, indeed, for a few days chastened us, as it seemed best to them.

But for our prophet, that we may be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening seems joyful at the present time, but painful nevertheless, afterwards it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness, and that is the key to disciplining your children. We discipline our children to make them right, not to get them back.

It's not punitive damages, like a lawyer sues somebody, and they give them punitive damages. In other words, above and beyond what happened, I'm going to take a little more, because I think you deserve it. That's not the point of a spanking. That's not the point of a rebuke, of verbal scolding. The point is to help them become right. You did wrong. You need to become right.

So if you're angry when you're spanking, you're probably taking too much, and giving too much discipline. That's why go to your room is such a wise thing. Tell you an incident with my dad.

This is a great example of godly discipline. My dad never shouted at me. He never raised his voice. Except one time.

He shouted at me. And I love him for it to this very day. You see, we were putting paneling up in the basement. We bought a house that was great, but it had a completely unfinished basement. The full size of the house, raw and ready to go, we could double the size of our house. So we were building it out. New rooms and bathrooms down there. We had a huge house by the time we were done with this thing. And we were putting paneling up. I don't know if you remember paneling. It was really back in style at one point. And so we were putting all this paneling up, and he had to cut it to fit. So we were on the table saw, and we were pushing this paneling across the table saw. And it popped up, as wood often does, when it's on a table saw. It pops up. So it popped up. I pushed it back down, and he said, Rod! What are you doing? I stopped immediately and let the paneling drop. I was in shock! What? You almost cut your hand off. I almost put my hand right down on the blade. The thing was spinning a million miles an hour. Of course, I exaggerate. He would have ripped my hand to shreds. Then how would I talk? I can't talk without my hands.

He yelled at me. Got my attention immediately. Rebuked me. You know what I said to him? I'm sorry. He said, don't tell me you're sorry. It's not my hand that was about to be lost. It was yours. I was like, oh, you're right. I don't owe you an apology. I owe you thanks. I didn't say that. I should have. I was too in shock. My dad never yelled at me. I mean, it was perfect. He knew what to say and when to say it.

You discipline your children to make them right, to protect them. Not because you hate them and you're angry or you need to take a pound of flesh. It's to make them right. You are protecting your children by disciplining them. And may I suggest you despise your children if you don't. Oh, I don't want to. I just want to be their friend. What? Do you hate them? They need you. You are their champion. You are the one who plays with them and encourages them and makes your life as fun. But you're also the one. When they're wrong, you make them right from the heart. Remember that. You are not their friend. You are their parent. And the last point, and above all else, if you forgot everything else we talked about today, which I hope you didn't because it came from God's Word, this one bears the most weight.

Above all else, teach your children and carefully answer their questions.

This is where we started. This is the priority. This is the majority of what parenting is.

Teach your children and carefully answer their questions.

So let's walk through Deuteronomy again. I know we've already been there.

I have some amazing statistics to read to you. Deuteronomy chapter 4, this time, verse 9. We'll read Deuteronomy chapter 4 verses 9 and 10. Only take heed to yourself and diligently keep yourself, lest you forget the things your eyes have seen, and they depart from your heart all the days of your life. What is he talking about? What did the children of Israel just see? That they were to be careful to remember. And how does that relate to you and me? This is interesting. And teach them to your children and your grandchildren, especially what are you supposed to teach them? Concerning the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb. What is he talking about? What happened at Horeb? They had just walked through the Red Sea, which is symbolism of baptism, because there was water on all sides, including a cloud, that covered them. They were literally baptized in the Red Sea when they walked through on dry land. And what did they do right after that? They went to Horeb and they made a commitment to God, a covenant, what we call the Old Covenant. And they said, we will follow your laws. How does that apply to you and me? This is what we're supposed to teach our children. The most important thing we're supposed to teach our children. You and I didn't walk through the Red Sea, but what did we do?

Oh, we did the same thing in type, didn't we? In fact, what they did was a type of what you did. What you did was the reality. You made a commitment to God. You repented and you were baptized and you said, my life belongs to you, my God, and to Jesus Christ, my Savior. And you made that commitment just like the ancient Israelites did at Horeb. That was just a symbol of what you did. And you're supposed to teach that to your children. Most important thing you could teach them. When you grow up, you're going to need to make a commitment to God just like I did. And you can see, I make all kinds of mistakes. You'll make mistakes too. But you'll make it through, you know how? Because God will get you through. And you talk about your conviction to God and your commitment to God to your children. It's the most important thing you can do. And a lot of us want to teach them to get a career. And I understand that I do. I want my children to have a great career. Whatever they want to do, I want them to do it and be happy. Brethren, that is not the most important thing you teach your children.

Most important thing you teach your children every day, day in and day out, is about the commitment that you made to God. And the commitment that they need to make to God. I hope you get that if you don't get anything else that I've said today. That's the one that bears the most weight.

And teach to your children and your grandchildren, especially concerning the day you stood before the Lord.

Deuteronomy 6, verse 7. You shall teach them diligently to your children. Deuteronomy 6, 7. How are we supposed to teach that to our children? We're in the same line of thinking here. We're just in another chapter. Still Moses talking to the same audience, same context. And we're supposed to teach God's laws and the commitment that we made to them. To your children, how? Diligently. You know what that word means? Quickly.

Now!

Don't wait.

The word diligent in Hebrew, when you look it up, you can go to Strong's, you can go to Brown Driver Brig, and you will see that it means doing what is prescribed quickly. It doesn't mean hard work.

It means do it now.

And you shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign in your hand and frontlets between your eyes, and that means your kids are watching your actions, not just your words. You can't say, oh, do what I say, not what I do. No, they're going to do what you do twice over on steroids.

Satan, brethren, does not take a break from teaching your children. You should not take a break from teaching your children. Satan will not give us a break. I want to read some facts from a study that Barna made that emphasizes the fact that we are to command our children. You do not have a choice. It is not, you know, it takes a village to raise a child. I object to that vehemently. It takes you, the parent, the only person that truly deeply loves that child, more than anybody else in this planet loves that child. Wake that love up inside you. Wake up and command your children. Listen to what Barna says. You know, Barna, the Barna group, they do that, the studies on Christianity in America. Okay? This is a very famous group. This is a Barna study on parenting and child development. Talks about several things that influence our children. One, violence. We've seen a lot of violence from youth in America today.

Notice this. By the time an American child is 23 years old, they have seen more than 30,000 acts of violence on television, movies, and video games. That is amazing. 30,000 by the time they hit their 20s.

That's when they were kids.

You should limit, you know, blood and guts on TV and video games. You know how you can do that? Because you're the parent! Be in command! Because I said so is good enough!

That you have the authority to say no!

I would like to suggest that you also give the moral reason why, and fill their little warehouse with the moral reason why. That you do not take an argument from your children. My children are not allowed to ask why. Because in doing so, they challenge my authority. What? You mean they can't ask why? No, no, no, no. That's not what I mean. They have to ask me permission to ask why.

Because if there's an action—and here's why. That's important. I learned that from—what was that really good? Growing Kids God's Way. I learned that from Growing Kids God's Way. Your children need to ask you permission to ask why. Because just asking why, when you told them no, is a challenge. In other words, I'm not going to stand down unless you give me a good reason. Hogwash! You're the parent. You know what reason they need to stop doing what you just said? You're the reason. They have to ask you permission to ask why. And you have the right in the responsibility, I would suggest, to make them stop their action first. Make them go somewhere else and calm down. And then tell them why. You have a responsibility as a parent to fill that moral warehouse and to give them the moral reason why. You also have a responsibility to not allow them to rebel against you. And resisting authority is rebelling.

And you're hurting them. You think you're helping them. Oh, honey, I'll tell you why. And they're just standing there with their hands on their hips. And the video hasn't stopped. And the explosions are going on all around. People are dying left and right. And you're trying to convince them to stop watching. Watching the violence. Nonsense. You tell them to stop. They stop. Then you tell them why. Then you give them the moral reason why. Do you explain the moral reason why if they're chasing a ball in the street and a car's about to kill them? No. You stop them. Did my dad reason with me to not put my hand on that saw blade? No. He yelled at me. He stopped me.

Our children see, on average, in America, 30,000 acts of insane violence before they're 23.

You can change that by saying, No. No, you don't. It's my iPod. Yeah. And you're my child. You watch what I tell you to watch. Why? Give me the iPod. I'm sorry. You'll get it back in a week.

You know you'll give it back in two days because you're that kind of parent and you have mercy. But you put your foot down because you love them. They're so dear to you. You will not let Satan reach out and grab them.

What about pornography? By age 23, the average American will have viewed thousands of hours of pornographic images. Don't let that be your child. Those images lodge in your children's minds, and those who watch that stuff will imitate it.

Look at young people in schools coming out of high schools when the breaks and all flooding out to the restaurants and Starbucks and whatnot. Just look at them behave! Don't let that be your child.

What a damage that does to marriage. What a damage it does to intimacy. What about music? Are you into your children's music? I didn't ask if you liked it. Are you into it? Do you know what they're listening to? Honestly, it's not that much different than what we listen to. You know, the melodies change, the beat changes a little bit, the words are still just as rebellious.

Nearly a quarter of a century on the earth, when kids are about 25, according to Barna, the typical American will have listened to hundreds of hours of music that fosters anger, hatred, disrespect for authority, selfishness, and radical independence.

My parents trained me to be independent, but not to be a radical, to be balanced. You know, there is a time to cooperate with society. There is a time when your boss says, do this, you have to do it, or you get fired. Do you know people are now crying on the job? This is a huge epidemic in America. When their boss tells them to do something, they cry.

Employers are baffled. They're just baffled. There's no crying on unemployment. You don't cry. You do what you're told, or you don't get paid.

It's as though they're owed something. The world owes me. Why? What did you do for the world? Well, I was born.

Really? Well, what does that do for the world? I don't know. I never really thought it through. I'm just owed something. Teach your children that they have to earn everything. That they're owed nothing.

But your love, they are owed that, and you will give it no matter what they do or become.

Do you know what your children are listening to? Ask them. Command your children. You're in charge. You have permission from the great God. What more do you need?

What about their worldview? Do you know Satan wants to change their worldview? The typical worldview of a person, according to Barna, in their early 20s, is promotes self-centeredness and the right to happiness and fulfillment.

Who's going to give that to them? Who out there in the world cares about them like you do? Nobody. Nobody.

But their worldview says they're owed that. And a recent study shows that many of the younger generation cry on the job when corrected to their boss. They have always been told that they're the greatest, that they can do anything, and that the importance of personal expression in all forms is allowed. If my boss yells at me, I'm putting it on Facebook, and then they get fired for publicly defaming their company, and they're shocked. Shame on their parents.

Shame on the parent.

They also believe that they're allowed to use profanity in any form.

They're generic in their spirituality. This is the worldview that Satan is pumping at your children and will not give them a break. And I suggest to you and to me that we cannot let up and give our children a break, and giving them God's world point of view. They dismiss the validity of the Judeo-Christian faith. They're largely propelled by postmodernism thought. The typical worldview of young people does not facilitate respect for life. And that is a scary thing.

That means when they design a health care plan, euthanasia will very likely be designed right in. Oh, they're sick? Just give them this shot and do away with them. Creamate them. The world will spit out 20 more just like them. And that is their worldview.

There is no acceptance of the rule of law, nor the necessity to work hard. Personal sacrifice is a mystery. Paying the dues or contributing to the common good is not so common to them. Barna noted that only about 2% of today's teenagers possess a biblical worldview that acknowledges the existence of God, Satan, and sin. 2%! Take 100 kids. 98 of them don't believe in God. 98 of them don't believe in God. Two of them do. I hope that those two are your kids.

They don't believe in the availability of forgiveness and grace through Jesus Christ. And if there is no forgiveness, why bother? Nothing else matters. And so morals go right out the window. Not, oh, yeah, I'm really thankful for my forgiveness. I better behave myself. No, that's a foreign concept to this worldview. And there is no existence of an absolute moral principle provided by the Bible. And that, brethren, is bombarded at our kids constantly. Do you monitor and guide and control what your kids see and listen to and experience? The average adolescent spends more than 40 hours a week digesting media. The atypical teenager spends 60 hours a week. And that shapes their worldview in a very unfiltered way. Satan has total unfettered access to your kids. Unless you minimize that. I ask myself, where are the parents in America? We have no control over that, brethren. We can only control what goes on in our own house behind our own door. You have control over what happens in your own family. Take it back.

I do understand that parents have a lot of pressure. I do understand that parents have a lot of pressure. Finances, both parents have to work oftentimes. You feel tired at the end of the day. I do the same thing. Some of you have single-parent homes, and single-parent homes are very stressful. I mean, you never get a break when you're a single parent. And I get that. But you only have this much time with your kids. And you need to accept the responsibility for your children once again. Barna states this, quote, Ultimately, children get neglected because parents rely on everyone else to do their job for them. The popular notion that it takes a village to raise a child has become an accepted excuse for millions of parents to assign away the commitment for the child's development. Families may not be able to provide everything that a child needs to be successful or successfully launched in today's world, but they can do a lot more than they are seeking to provide today.

Rather than play the victim and blame social institutions for inadequate performance of duties, millions of families would be well advised to rearrange their priorities and reclaim their commitment to preparing for their children for life. End quote.

The most important thing you should get out of the sermon today is teach your children and diligently answer their questions. Deuteronomy, last scripture, chapter 6, verse 20. I say this to the end because it is the most important thing we can do for our kids. Deuteronomy 6, verse 20. When your son asks you. Yes, this is directly from God. This isn't me suggesting this is the most important thing. It's God telling you it's the most important thing. When your son asks you in time coming saying, what is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you? Then you shall say to your son, we were slaves of the Pharaoh in Egypt and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. You want a modern day translation? We were slaves to sin. And Jesus Christ died for those sins, and I made a commitment. I gave my life to God through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. And I'm going to teach you how to do the same thing, son. The same thing, daughter.

This outweighs anything the church can do for your kid.

Good or bad. I've seen both good church programs and rotten church programs for kids. Church programs that teach godly values, and church programs that teach competition and hating people in other congregations. But you outweigh all of that. And even if you've messed up until this point, don't look back and feel guilty. This sermon is not about a guilt trip. It's about starting today, right now, and changing bad habits. And take the time that you have with your kids, and make the most of it, and make their life great.

Verse 21, Then you shall open your mouth. We were slaves. Okay, we read that. Verse 22, And the Lord showed signs and wonders before our eyes. And you tell this to your kids, too.

Verse 23, And then he brought us out of there, that he might bring us in and give us a land which he swore to our fathers, and that land for us, brethren, is the kingdom of God itself, eternal life. We're not inheriting a physical land. We are inheriting the universe as the family of God, His children. And you teach that to your children. And the Lord command us to observe all of these statutes to fear the Lord our God for our good, always. Do you teach that to your children? You know, these laws are great. These laws will make you happy. These laws will keep you safe.

That He might preserve us alive, as it is to this day. And then it will be righteousness for us. And if we are careful to observe all these commandments, we're to tell our children, before the Lord our God, He has commanded us.

Help your kids make right moral choices. Be encouraging and be gentle with them. Pay attention to their mood. Play with them and teach them the right social skills. Wisely discipline them, not out of anger, but to make them right. And above all, answer their questions. Parents have responsibility. Children have responsibility. And ultimately, I want to talk to the kids as I end this. Children, ultimately, it's your responsibility, what happens in your life. It's your choice to follow God or not. You will become an adult one day, and your parents will grow old. And you will actually have to take care of them. Ask me how I know. Remember your Creator in the days of your youth.