The Sanctity of Marriage

Well, brethren, this particular topic of the sermon today, the split sermon today, is a topic actually that was asked by home office that we take a look at in our congregations, and that we explore and that we look at. The first one of these that was requested of us was given recently on the authority of Scripture and what we've seen with regards to the various laws that have taken place in and around the United States and the Western world with regards to hate speech and the regulations around that. The other thing we were asked to look at was the concept of marriage and to take and explore the concept of marriage and to consider the sanctity of that particular institution.

And so the title for today that we're going to be operating off of is the sanctity of marriage. The sanctity of marriage. And it's no secret, you know, we go and we look at the world around us today, we look at, you know, statistics, we look at the the various changes and shifts societally. It's no secret that the institution of marriage on the whole is under attack today. It is under attack. Here in the United States we've had data that's been kept on marriage and divorce for the past 30 years going clear back to the 1990s.

And it's interesting when you take a look at that data and you take a look at the trends and you see over time, over the past, you know, 30 years, what exactly has happened with regards to this institution.

Well there's a website, it's called Statista.org. Statista.org. And essentially what they do is they coalesce raw data. So they coalesce raw government database type data into charts that can be read easily, things that can be interpreted easily, and Statista is one of them that has put the trend line out for this particular bit of data. What's interesting is that over the last 30 years in the United States, the number of people who are getting married has decreased by almost 50 percent, per capita almost 50 percent in just the past 30 years. So in 1990, where 10 out of a thousand people got married in the US, by 2020 that number had dropped to 5.1 per 1,000 people.

Now where that point one of a person comes from, I don't know, you would think it would be even because there's two people involved in the process, but no, per capita data it's how it ends up dividing out, right? But that is a significant decline. That is a significant decline. And while the rise in cohabitation and civil partnerships and of course alternative interpretations of what marriage is, while those things have accounted for a significant portion of this decline, you know, you talk to young people today, you talk to especially in the world around us or those, you know, when I was teaching or talking to others that were in the field, new teachers, there's this kind of exasperation to a degree as they try to consider how to balance career and relationships and friends and family.

I've honestly heard young people say, I don't have time to be married. I have too much stuff going on. I have to get my career in place. I have to get this in place. I have to do this. I can't even think about marriage right now. And what ends up happening is median age of marriage for American women at this point in time in the US is 29.

That's the median age, 29. Median age for men is 30, which seems to illustrate and show the data that many people are putting off settling down, so to speak, until later in life, once maybe perhaps some of these things get figured out. But the decline in marriage data on the whole over the past 30 years indicates that there are a very good number of individuals out there that are just simply saying no to marriage on the whole. There's absolutely not. And as a result, when that happens, there's a number of alternatives that rise to fill the void.

And so we'll talk a little bit about some of those here in just a little bit. For those that do choose to get married, for those that do choose to go through the the marriage process, unfortunately, based on 2020 data, 2.3 of those out of 1000 of those marriages will ultimately end in divorce. 2.3 of 1000. Now keep in mind, only 5.1 out of a thousand are even getting married in the first place.

2.3 of those are then ending in divorce, which ends up showing a slightly more than 50% rate of divorce among the data that is out there. Now I will say this is based on 2020 data. A lot has happened in 2020 and 2021. Turns out, if you're having marital challenges already and then you're locked into your house with your spouse, divorce rates took a bit of a spike in 21, it turns out.

You know, and we kind of laugh about that a little bit, but really truly, you know, it has been a very challenging year for individuals who were already struggling. Interestingly enough, though, that percentage, while it seems really high, while that seems very high, 50% of marriages ending in divorce, the trend over the last 30 years has actually been in decline. The divorce rate trend over the last 30 years has actually been in decline overall, but what ends up skewing the data is the fact that the number of people getting married has reduced so much.

And so you end up getting some skewed data as a result of that. Now it's not a uniquely United States issue. In fact, the US ranks third most of the time when you take a look at the world divorce rates. Number one, Russia. I found this kind of interesting given the news this week. Number one, Russia. Number two, Belarus.

Two nations that are in cahoots at the moment on the invasion of Ukraine. Now the third one, I'll admit, took me by surprise. The third one in the United States we tend to regularly, when this is done, tie with the country of Gibraltar, for third. So for whatever reason, given the size of their population, their divorce rates are fairly high given the the size of the population for Gibraltar. Now in 2015, as we talk about alternatives, 2015 the United States federally legalized and recognized homosexual unions in all 50 states. So in all 50 states, as of 2015, Supreme Court decision made it legal for same-sex marriage in all 50 states of the union. It used to be only certain states and it used to be only some of those states would have reciprocation agreements with other states. That court decision made it legal in all 50. And as a result of that court decision and some of pushes in some other ways, there have been a number of other alternatives which have risen, such as polyamory, open marriage, and a whole host of other just stuff. And I'm not going to get into the grisly details of what those things are, but just the interpretation of what quote-unquote marriage is has shifted significantly. It really has shifted significantly. And as man often does, I mean this is a thing that we do, man takes what God has purposefully created, what God has created with intentionality for very specific reasons, and they shift it to their own purpose. And in their belief to meet their desires and their wants, that redefines the language to meet their desires. Now suddenly, what was once before known as a civil partnership is now marriage. The issue with that is that God is the one who defines what marriage is. Scripture is what defines what marriage is. It is His institution. He put it into place. And as followers of God, we absolutely are pro-marriage. I mean, we are pro-marriage.

As followers of God, we recognize that it's something that God intended for man, something that He purposefully created for man, and something that has a great deal of importance for Him because of the connection and the parallels that it has with the relationship between His Son and the Bride of Christ. When marriage is done the right way, when marriage is done in accordance with God's way, marriage is successful. And when it's not, when there are challenges, when there are struggles, there are challenges and there are difficulties. I came across an article in the Wall Street Journal. I'd like to share this with you. I honestly was surprised to see it in the Wall Street Journal and honestly very surprised by its conclusions. The article title, I'm going to read the whole thing to you. I started highlighting it and then I realized I was highlighting the entire article, so there's no sense in trying to break it down at that point.

There's it just it's there's good stuff in here. The title of the article is Too Risky to Wet in Your 20s? Not if you avoid cohabiting first.

Research shows that marrying young without ever having lived together with a partner makes for some of the lowest divorce rates around. It's now marriage proposal season, the article says, the time between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day where nearly 40% of couples decide to get engaged. This article, by the way, is from February 5th of this year, 2022. It says, the holidays tend to put people in the mind of marriage, so what is the best age to put a ring on it? I guess people really want to know. It's a question that weighs especially heavily on educated women who find themselves caught between their career ambitions and pressure to settle down and start a family. The conventional wisdom is that they should get launched professionally in their 20s and wait until 30 or after to marry. Then they can establish themselves as independent adults before finding and pairing with an equally successful partner. This strategy is also supposed to maximize their odds of a lasting bond because, according to conventional wisdom, early marriage increases the risk of divorce. The thinking goes that if you wait until 30 or later to marry, you're much more likely to have the maturity required both to make a good choice and to be a good spouse. The fact that the median age at first marriage for American women is now almost 29, it's 30 for men, and higher still among those with at least a college degree suggests that this view, this conventional wisdom, is widely held.

Now, when it comes to divorce, the research to this point has generally backed up the belief that it is best to wait until around 30 to tie the knot. The sociologist Nicholas Wolfinger of the University of Utah found that women who got married quote-unquote too early, mid-20s or earlier, were more likely to break up than their peers who married close to age 30. As we recently discovered, however, there's an interesting exception to the idea that waiting until 30 is best. In analyzing reports of marriage and divorce from more than 50,000 women in the U.S. government's National Survey of Family Growth, the NFSG, we found that there is a group of women for whom marriage before 30 is not risky. Women who married directly without ever cohabitating prior to marriage. In fact, women who married between 22 and 30 without first living together had some of the lowest rates of divorce in the entire NSFG. By contrast, for the approximately 70% of women in our sample who cohabited with one or more partners prior to marriage, the conventional wisdom held for them waiting until around 30 was linked to a lower risk of divorce. What's going on here? For the average young adult, there's undoubtedly some merit to waiting to marry in terms of the maturity factor, especially when considering marriage before age 20. But waiting too long also has its downsides. It often means accumulating relationship baggage, including a list of exes from cohabiting unions that can weigh down their marriage once they tie the knot.

The women who married directly in their 20s are more likely to avoid picking up this baggage on the way to the altar, as are the men. The idea that cohabitation is risky is surprising given the majority of young adults who believe that living together is a good way to pretest the quality of your partner and your partnership, thereby increasing the quality and the stability of your marriage. But a growing body of research indicates that Americans who live together before marriage are less likely to be happily married and more likely to land in divorce court. In looking at the marital histories of thousands of women across the US, we found that women who cohabited were 15% more likely to get divorced. Moreover, a Stanford study indicates the risk is especially high for women who cohabited with someone besides their future husband. They were more than twice as likely to end up in divorce court. Another theory was articulated by a newly married 20-something couple, Joey and Samantha Parris, who live in Dallas. They met in New York City and they surprised their peers by getting married at age 24 without first living together. Friends were just shocked! You know? What?! From Joey's vantage point, cohabitation often made his friends in finance more jaded about their relationship after they're married. He says, I think that part of the allure of marriage has lost its luster because in their eyes they can get all the benefits of marriage outside of marriage. Joey remembers asking one friend who cohabited before marriage, how does it feel now? Now that you guys are married, how does it feel now? And he said, I'll be honest, not that different. He says, I don't get what the hype is about marriage. Joey and Samantha have had a very different experience. Says, I've been so surprised at the beauty of the mundane, Samantha said, like cooking together, doing laundry together, and decorating for Christmas together. She says, not to mention spending the night together. We don't know precisely why young women who married directly in their 20s without cohabiting have comparatively low divorce rates. Is it less experience breaking up? Fewer previous partners for comparison, a greater sense that marriage is a different relationship status, or the fact that such women who do are disproportionately religious. It's not clear. What is clear is this. If you are a young woman thinking about getting married but worried about divorce, our research suggests you need not wait until you're 30, so long as you found a good partner and you don't move in with anyone until after your wedding day. Found it interesting that the research is backing up what God has said all along, and that it just took someone willing to take a look at the research and start asking some questions as to why that is.

Again, the title for the message today is the Sanctity of Marriage. Let's start by turning over to Genesis 2. Genesis 2. And in the book of Genesis, you know, we see the account of creation recorded. We see ultimately God's intentions here for creation for man, and we're able to capture some insights from God as to the purposes of this union. Genesis 2, we'll go ahead and we'll pick it up in verse 18, Genesis 2. Genesis 2, verse 18, and the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. Verse 19, out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. You know, so we see Adam working here. God brings him his creation, essentially, parades the animals, so to speak, before Adam, and Adam goes through and says, that's a zebra. Now he's, of course, in a different language, but he gives it the name that he gives it. And ultimately he goes through the process, and as this process is going he realizes there's nothing here that is like me. And, of course, we know God. God has made man in his likeness. He understood that it's not good. It's not good. The Hebrew word there is tab, means merry, pleasant, or desirable. It's not good. It's not merry.

It's not pleasant. It's not desirable that man should be alone. And so God set out to create a helper for Adam. Verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs, and he closed up the flesh in its place. God being the first anesthesiologist here. A little minor surgery there. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.

Therefore, because of these things, a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. You know, we see some particular insights from this passage that we can infer. One, God intended that mankind have companionship. God intended that mankind have companionship, and that that companionship is to be merry, and to be pleasant, and to be desirable. Not only that, but because of the creation of this helper, this person for Adam, a man has to leave his father and his mother, and to be joined to his wife. Ladies, when you're dating your husband, you can say, no, no, no, I'm supposed to stay. You're the one that's supposed to come to leave your father and mother. That's what Shannon told me. That's why we live in Salem and not Spokane. She's not wrong!

It's right there in the Bible! But a man is to leave his father and leave his mother, and to be joined to his wife. And then, of course, another inference that we can make from here is that they are intended to become one flesh. They are intended to be closer in relationship than any other human relationship that we can have. That is both sexual, that is both physical, that is spiritual, that is so many different aspects, clearly, of that particular passage. Now, thanks to passages in the New Testament, thanks to passages that reference these Scriptures, we can see Matthew 19 2 to 6, for example, we can see that this is God's purpose for marriage. Because Jesus Christ references this passage as He's talking about marriage. Others reference this passage when they're talking about marriage and husbands and wives. That this was God's purpose for marriage in the uniting together of a man and a woman in a common purpose, goal, shared belief, and so much more. You know, as we see in Genesis 1 28, you know, God gave the instruction, be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth. Children were in expectation because God wants kids. God loves kids. He wants more people in His family. Now, additionally, as we look at this and as we consider this marriage institution, we see that this institution is God-ordained. We see that this institution is God-ordained. And if God-ordained, then we can't change the definition. We don't have that right. We don't have that ability. God sets the boundaries. God determines what it is, regardless of what we think, regardless of what anyone might want or desire as humankind, that might be to the contrary what might be culturally or societally acceptable. None of that matters because God is the designer of this covenant. He is the designer of this institution. And ultimately, it is His boundaries upon which it must be upheld. I tried to think of an example of societal differences, societal places where this rubs up against the law of God. Obviously, there's a lot in the United States. But when Mr. Moody and I travel to West Africa, we set foot into a culture in which it's actually pretty common for a man to have more than one wife. Now, it's less common today. It was more common, you know, 20 to 30 years ago, but it still does happen. You know, it's more common in the rural areas than it is in the cities.

The cities tend to be more Westernized, so there's, you know, a little bit less of that sort of thing that takes place. But honestly, the overall culture in both Nigeria and Ghana really don't bat an eye at this concept. You know, a husband having more than one wife. In talking with Dari one time, Dari said, you know, it's interesting when you see people that have more than one wife, he says, I've never seen someone take a second wife that is older than their first wife.

He says, so that should tell you something. He said, he said, realistically, what typically will happen is a husband will take his first wife, and if she ages, he'll take a younger wife. And then as those two age, he'll take a younger wife.

Law prohibits any more than four in West Africa. You can't have more than four.

Most don't have any more than two. Two is the kind of... there's a joke there, probably somewhere. One's enough, two's a challenge. No, but the reality is most of the time, you know, no more than two is typically what's in place. But some do have three or four, depending on wealth, depending on station, things like that.

Now, again, culturally, no one bats an eye. It's just what it is. It's a cultural thing. It's just the way it is in that area. But when someone is called by God and responds to that calling, so when someone comes to God and begins to be called by God and begins to be brought into the family of God, it turns out God's intent supersedes cultural norm, supersedes individual desires. And so, as members are counseled, as they are beginning to come to God, if they happen to be married to more than one wife, for them to be able to continue that process, to be able to continue to walk down that road, God recognizes the first marriage as being married in His eyes. The person needs to cut off all marital relations with any wives beyond the first wife, so they are unable to continue having marital relations with any of the additional wives. And not only that, they are accountable, they are accountable financially to care for the additional wives and the children beyond, you know, going forward. And there have been some where that is a bridge too far. There have been others where they have said, okay, if that's what God desires and that's what God's intent is, then so be it. You know, we see places in Scripture where God allowed multiple wives at points in biblical history, but we can also go back to the beginning. We can go back to the New Testament. We can go back to places in Scripture where that was not God's intent. In fact, you can see in places where that took place, more often than not, there was jealousy, there was bitterness, there was challenges that came from kind of operating outside of that one woman and one man model that God set up and instituted at creation. In fact, you go back, just an example, you go back to Jacob and Leah and Rachel. You know, God specifically placed a law in place with Israel that they were not to take a sister of a woman as their wife, like a second sister, and I personally suspect that is largely due to the difficulties that were in place during that particular union. But when we kind of consider what marriage is and how marriage operates, marriage is one of two covenants that we enter into before God. That when we take those vows and when we stand before God, we are taking that marriage covenant before our Creator.

Same thing with baptism. It's one of two covenants that we enter into as God as the witness to that agreement. And our acceptance of the terms of that covenant and its conditions upon us are sealed in that sense by God's witnessing of that covenant. So even for those, for example, that may not agree with our system of belief, marriage, based on its purposeful creation by God, is unchangeable and it's unable to be redefined. Now that has not stopped the world from completely and totally redefining it. Let's be very clear. That has not stopped them from doing so. But at its core, marriage is what God says it is, not what society determines it to be. Now, mankind at this point in time has made it so that certain relationships can be civil partnerships or can be marriage or whatever else. It's important for us to recognize that marriage is not a piece of paper, it's not a series of tax breaks, and it is not insurance accommodations. Marriage is a covenantal relationship before our God. And as such, we enter into it and husbands and wives were bound to these things. Why is that?

Well, because the relationship that we're looking at, if you want to start turning over to Ephesians 5, the relationship that we're looking at parallels something much bigger. It parallels something much grander, something much more important, ultimately, that we learn through this process. Ephesians 5. And as we kind of consider why God's intent was one man and one woman in this covenantal marriage, it's because of the parallel of this relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. It's that parallel between Christ and His bride, that bridegroom and the bride of Christ. And it's an intentional relationship, and it's lessons that we need to, as we consider our own relationships, kind of recognize what exactly it means to us as well. Ephesians 5, verse 22, Ephesians 5 verse 22 says, Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the Word, that he might present her to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife, Paul writes here, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church, just as the Lord does his bride. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And again, he quotes back to Genesis 2 where we were earlier, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his flesh, and the two shall become one flesh. He says this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. That this marriage relationship that we have here on this earth is a parallel of this relationship between Christ and the body, between Christ and his bride. He says, nevertheless, verse 33, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. You know, we consider this passage in the lessons that are contained within it. It's really imperative to recognize the roles that have been established by God in marriage, the leadership role of the husband, the more kind of, we might say submissive, although there's kind of a whole lot of loaded terms with that particular term out there these days, but the more submissive role of the wife, and recognizing that those roles are ordained by God. That it was God's intention that those roles be set up in the way that they were, and that ultimately we have to understand and learn the lessons that come from these places. And often, conflict comes when couples find themselves out of these roles. You know, sometimes maybe the wife is unwilling to relinquish the leadership role, kind of is continuing to grab at that and kind of pull at that a little bit, or sometimes the husband is unwilling to take it on and is just left a vacuum, and the wife has no choice but to step into that role and fill the void.

That does happen as well. Regardless, a marriage that's in this place where you have the roles completely out of whack is like trying, two people trying to dance out of step. You ever dance with somebody, and it's maybe it's you, maybe it's them, maybe it's the music, but it ain't working. Church dances? You've all been there. The guy can't figure out what the beat is, and he's just doing this, and it's a three-four time. He should be waltzing, but he's not, right? If you've ever been in that situation before, it just, it's awkward. It just doesn't quite work. And so the movements, they're not in sync. They stutter, they stop, they try to restart, but they just can't quite get that rhythm figured out. Maybe in one circumstance, the husband's trying to lead, and so is the wife at the same time, so they oppose each other. You know, he's trying to guide her one direction, and she's trying to guide him the other, maybe. In some situations, maybe the husband isn't leading at all, and so the wife's just like, what are we doing? I mean, we're just kind of swaying. You're not really leading me. What exactly do I do in this situation? Can't find the timing, can't find the step, and frustration mounts because they just can't really get on the same page. The issue in some cases is that they're operating outside of the roles with which God has intended and what God has defined. God intended for the husband in a marriage to lead, and that takes a lot of different, you know, ways. The husband is a provider, he's a protector, he's a spiritual leader, and gentlemen in the room, we as husbands are 100% held accountable for our actions or our lack thereof. Let that sink in. We are held accountable for our actions or our lack thereof. It is our responsibility to lead. It is our responsibility to do that.

Now, it should also be noted as we talk about the other side of that equation that the submission that's being discussed here is not the style of submission that we sometimes see in the world around us. This kind of the henpecked concept of submission. That's not what we're talking about here, because again the analogy is the relationship between Christ and his church. My family has begun rediscovering... I love Lucy. I don't know how many of you have, you know, sat back and watched the I Love Lucy. It's on one of the streaming networks. I don't know which one, but it's been kind of humorous to go back through and kind of relive some of those things. But there was one a while back where the four of them were sitting on the couch and Ricardo's trying to tell the story and she keeps interrupting him. She's like, you're not telling it right. That's not how you tell it. And she interrupts him and he's like, would you like to tell it? Well, no, I don't want to tell it. You tell it. So he kind of keeps going. She interrupts him again.

And it's just this kind of this constant thing. And finally it's done and there he's with Fred and Ethel and, you know, at some point they Fred and Ethel get up and they get their coat and they get ready to leave and he pulls her aside and he goes, now you listen to me, Lucy. He says, I don't want you interrupting my stories anymore. And she goes, yes, sir. And when I tell you that I want this and this, you do it. Yes, sir. And then he says something in Spanish really fast. She goes, ¡Sí, señor! That's not what we're talking about. When we're talking about submission in this situation where the husband is like, again, the analogy here is the relationship between Christ and His Church. And so what we're talking about is we're talking about a relationship and a submission that comes from a love and a trust and a respect and an obedience because he is our husband and because we know 100% that he has our utmost care in mind. Has our utmost care in mind. Now on the other side of that, when we talk about the role of the husband, we're talking about a relationship that is a selfless, sacrificial love that a husband has for his wife. And again, I don't want this to be lost on us. It is a love that is akin to the sacrificial love of Christ for His Church as both a leader, as both the head of His Church, and also as a Savior of His Church. Now the passage we just examined in Ephesians 5 talked about Christ being the head of the church. Colossians 1 verse 18, if you want to jot it in your notes, says the same thing. It says, Jesus Christ is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, and that in all things He may have the preeminence. Jesus Christ is the head of the church.

He's the one in charge. It's His Church. It's His body. It's His eclaecia. And as such, as His bride, we follow His lead. We trust, as Mr. Griswold talked about today, that He has our best interests in mind. And we place our faith and we place our trust in Him. Ephesians 5, 25, just down here where we were looking at a moment ago, exhorts husbands to love their wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. Well, what purpose? What was the purpose for giving Himself for her? Well, verse 26, that He might sanctify and cleanse her, that through His sacrifice on her behalf she might be set apart. She might be cleansed of sin and be restored. Let's go over to Hebrews 9. Hebrews 9. The book of Hebrews is one of those books that really helps explain the things that we see in the Old Testament in many ways. You know, a lot of those things are shadows of things to come that, you know, we see through a glass darkly in some cases. But Hebrews comes through and provides these things in the context of Jesus Christ. And it was written to a primarily Jewish audience, helping to kind of really understand the connectedness between those two concepts. Hebrews 9, we'll pick it up in verse 11. Hebrews 9 verse 11 says, But Christ came as the high priest of the good things to come, with the greater and the more perfect tabernacle, not made with hands, that is not of this creation, not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood, He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer sprinkling the unclean sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit, offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? And for this reason He is the mediator of the New Covenant by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of eternal inheritance. You know, that sacrificial love of Christ on behalf of His Church, behalf of us, it atoned for our sins. As the Lamb of God, unblemished and unspotted, He offered Himself by means of death for the redemption and the transgression in our lives, an innocent man taking on the sins of each of us, which we are guilty of, and willingly offering Himself as our Savior.

Again, Ephesians 5 tells us the analogy is to be that of the analogy of Christ in His Church. And obviously, husbands, you cannot atone for the sins of your wife in that sense. You know, that's between her and her Savior. But, you know, we talk about what that means as we, you know, go through and we give up our lives. You know, we look at it from a standpoint of being willing to give our lives in protection. We talk about kind of dying to ourselves and making sure that their needs and wants and desires are taken care of. But have we considered the marriage relationship in this particular sense of being willing to forgive unconditionally? Being willing to take a look at the things that are said or the things that are done and just being okay with forgiving that unconditionally? You know, maybe you didn't deserve that balling out that you got when you came through the door. You did nothing to, you know, to deserve that that day. But can you forgive it? Can you shrug it off? Can you chalk it up to something that maybe was something else? What does that look like as a husband? You know, because marriage is a covenant, because it's something that we entered into an agreement with our spouse and with God, you know, the vows that we took before God, those vows are binding. Those vows are binding. I copied some from the thing, just in case anybody... maybe a while since you've heard those. I'm gonna give them to you here real quick. To the husband, do you then so-and-so faithfully promise and covenant with God in the presence of these witnesses to take so-and-so her to be your lawful wedded wife in sickness and in health, in good times and in difficult times, for as long as you both shall live, to love her, to cherish her, to honor her, and to provide for her. Of course, hopefully the husband says yes. Says yes, good. We move to the next line. All is well. He remembered his one line. That's good. The women's vows add the following. Do you, so-and-so, faithfully promise and covenant with God in the presence of these witnesses to take so-and-so him to be your lawful wedded husband in sickness and in health, in good times and in difficult times, for as long as you both shall live, to love him, to cherish him, to honor him, and as God is ordained, to submit yourself to him. Of course, hopefully the wife says yes and we're off to the races, right? Got a marriage. So we take a look at these things. These things, brethren, they're covenantal. These things are covenantal. These are agreements that we have made before God, and as such in that sense, they're not conditional.

They're not conditional. And so as husbands and wives, we don't necessarily get to say, well, you know, if they do XYZ, well, then I'll meet them halfway, but no, otherwise. The reality of a covenantal relationship is a covenantal relationship is not 50-50. A covenantal relationship is 100-100. That's the way a covenantal relationship operates. 100% as much depends upon you. That's our obligation. That's our obligation to fulfill that covenant. And I think, you know, this is probably the best possible time to throw the caveat in. We recognize there are violations of that covenant that take place. We see scripturally, there are things which have been allowed for that would dissolve that covenant.

We recognize there are situations that people get into in which they are incredibly unsafe. They cannot continue in those situations because that individual is not upholding their end of the covenant. And so you have these things that do take place. You have these things that do, you know, we have someone who's causing physical or mental harm. You know, we know that God has allowed for some of those things if those cannot be resolved. Sometimes, when marriages do run into trouble, when things begin to become a struggle, husbands and wives begin to keep an accounting of wrongs. Anybody ever kept an accounting of wrongs?

Probably have. I have. Probably. Try not to throw it back, but it's like, you know, you made squash pie. You made squash lasagna. You made, I mean, I have a list of the squash things that you have made. You convinced Joanne to bring a squash cheesecake. Actually, Joanne did that on her own accord, and it was delicious. She showed up as a practical joke. We gave it to the kids and then told them later. It was fantastic. See their faces. It was great. Anyway, oftentimes we do. We keep a record of wrongs. We tend to kind of, and it's very human that we do these things. We keep track of what someone's done, and that way, man, when they do something else, throw that right back in your face. But is that what God intends for us in a covenantal relationship? 1 Corinthians 13. 1 Corinthians 13. 1 Corinthians 13, one of those passages that we recognize today as the love chapter. I recognize Paul wrote this to the brethren and Corinth to help them really understand what love is, how love operates, kind of the characteristics and the importance of love, ultimately, as a characteristic of our God. 1 Corinthians 13, and we'll pick it up in verse 4. I'm going to skip the first part. I'm just gonna kind of chip out of this a little bit for sake of time. But verse 4 says, love suffers long. It's kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. It's not puffed up. It does not behave rudely. It does not seek its own. It's not provoked, and it thinks no evil. In some of your translations, the New King James does not, but some of your translations may have in there, does not keep a record of wrongs in verse 5. Some of the translations write it in that way. It does not rejoice in iniquity and in sin. It rejoices in the truth. It bears all things. It believes all things. It hopes all things. It endures all things. Love, verse 8, never fails. You know, you take a look at love on the whole, and the love that we have for our spouses. This is the love that we should have for our brethren. This love is the characteristic of our God. It is what should exude from us as a result of his spirit dwelling in us. You know, those who would be his disciples, those who would follow him, those who would, you know, go out into the world, that they would suffer long and they would remain kind through suffering. Love here doesn't envy. It doesn't become prideful or boastful. It's not rude. It doesn't seek its own desires over the desires of others. It doesn't allow itself to be provoked. It doesn't think evil. It doesn't automatically assume the worst. It doesn't impute motive. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs. It doesn't keep that list of things that someone said back on February 3rd of 2019. You said this! You know, it doesn't do that. It lets those things go. It forgives them. Love doesn't rejoice in sin. It rejoices in the truth.

It says it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Why is it that love can do this? Why is it? Because the model that we have for that love, the example that we've been provided, is our husband. It's our Lord and our Savior, Jesus Christ, who because of the sin that we have committed in His love for us, gave His life that those sins might be forgiven.

And not just forgiven, expiated, removed as far as east as from west from our lives. Brother, our husband did that for us. Our husband did that for us.

Let's go over to Ephesians 4. Ephesians 4.

We're gonna pick it up in verse 25 of Ephesians 4. And the book of Ephesians has some just amazing descriptions in it of the actions and the works of our lives. Kind of the practical walking, so to speak, of the things that we do, the promptings of God's Spirit, and the importance of ensuring that the promptings of those things are followed. That as a result of God's Spirit dwelling in each and every one of us, we should live a life of integrity. We should live a life of integrity, not grieving His Spirit. Ephesians 4, and we'll pick it up in verse 25, Ephesians 4.25 says, therefore, putting away lying, let each of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another, says, be angry and do not sin. You know, the conventional wisdom here of a marriage, do not let the sun go down in your wrath. Don't go to bed angry, right?

So we sometimes hear as we talk about marriage, get those things discussed, get them taken care of, don't go to bed angry. Nor give place, verse 27, to the devil, nor give the devil a foothold in our lives. Give him a place of bitterness that he can just keep digging at and punching a hole in and get a foot in there so he can climb. Verse 28, let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good that he may have something to give him who has need. Verse 29, let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, for building one another up. If you've ever had knockout, drag out, say discussions with a spouse, those things edifying, do they build you up? Not always, not always. And of course, some people are edified by different things, so maybe for some those kind of discussions are edifying.

For others they may not be. But says, but let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Verse 30, do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Verse 31, let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. If you have a Bible in front of you, draw a line around 31 and 32. Those are your rules of your fight. When you have those discussions, as a husband and a wife, as you have those discussions as a spouse, 31 and 32 are the ground rules.

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. While this governs our relationships with one another, it governs most certainly our relationships with our spouse. That we should speak kind, tender-hearted words. That we should forgive one another as Christ forgave us. And quite honestly, as I consider that, I think about the things that Christ has forgiven in mind. What other option do I have but to extend that same forgiveness to someone else? To sit there and withhold it just doesn't feel genuine. It doesn't feel genuine because of the things that have been forgiven of me. The only reasonable reaction we have is to extend that to others. You know, God has provided for us in His Word, you know, we know this Word is authoritative, and He's provided for us the backbone, essentially, of what will make a marriage function, what will make a marriage work. And when marriage is done in accordance with God's way, when both individuals are submitting themselves to God, to one another, when those individuals are following what God outlined in this book, when we do it God's way, marriage works. If we get selfish, if we get prideful, if we get upset, if we get angry, and we say something we shouldn't say, you know, that's when Satan starts to be able to get a hold. That's when he starts to be able to work. And the recognition is what God is trying to do, the family that he is trying to build, at its core and at its foundation, is our physical families today. And Satan knows that. He knows if he can blow that up, if he can destroy the family, then he can win the war. At least he thinks so. He's gonna find out the hard way that he's not going to. But our selfishness, our lack of forgiveness, maybe an unwillingness to submit to one another, or sometimes even to step into those ordained roles, or allow someone to step into those ordained roles, if we're unwilling to be kind and tenor-hearted and we hold grudges, any and all of these things can cause decay of a marriage. And to be quite honest, if Satan can introduce those things into a marriage, all he has to do is sit back and watch the marriage cannibalize itself at that point. It'll take care of itself after that. You know, brethren, 2015 US Supreme Court decision and recent legislation in Canada that kind of indicated the position of the world around us today, that the word of Scripture, what we see in this book, what we see as God's intent, is a fable or a myth. And I quote from that document we read the last time, that God's word is a fable or a myth that somehow as a society we've moved beyond traditional definitions of marriage, that we are so enlightened that we know better. That's the attitude of society around us. And yet, as they're finding, and as we discovered as we look at society around us today, when we push back against God's intent, when we don't follow his instructions contained in Scripture regarding marriage, we suffer the consequences individually, we suffer nationally, and as we mentioned last time, the nations of this world are reaping what they have sown in spades.

They are discovering what happens when you upend these things that God has put into place. And as people who are pro-marriage, as followers of God and being pro-marriage, we look at the destruction of marriage around us and it's upsetting. It's really hard to watch. It's really hard to see. And we want to defend against it. We want to defend against it. We want to push back that boundary. Brethren, one of the strongest defenses of marriage that we can provide is a powerful, positive example of a strong Christian marriage. You want to defend marriage? That's where the bulwark is. That's where we stand. We push with that. With that example of a positive Christian marriage that works.

Of happiness. Of togetherness. Of oneness. Marriage is ordained by God. And as such, God is the one who defines what marriage is and what it isn't. You know, it's his definition. It's his boundaries. He sets the expectations and it is up to us to obey those things. Now, that does not mean we're not immune from marriage challenges. They happen. Absolutely they happen. Struggles come up, issues come up, communication difficulties come up. But if we are living the words of this book, we can get through them. We can work through them. We can ultimately allow ourselves to submit to one another, to love and to serve one another. Brethren, let us invest in our marriages. Let's invest in our marriages. Let us build the kind of oneness that our God intended.