The Blessing of Marriage

Well, as I mentioned in the announcements today, it was a very encouraging week this week, as on Thursday, Darla and I ventured down to Oregon there, and were able to participate there. I was able to officiate the wedding of Paul Conway and Sally Motley. It was a beautiful event, and it's a joy to see two people who come together and commit themselves to one another in covenant relationship with God in the midst of that union.

As a minister of Jesus Christ, there are a number of things I get to do or officiate in this capacity, some of them joyful and encouraging, some of them solemn and essential as well. But I would have to say, for me, the two most encouraging events are baptism and marriage. Because you see, both of these are lifelong covenant commitments made with our loving God in the midst of that relationship.

And so when I sit down with someone and we begin counseling for baptism, I'll say, this is the first, most important covenant you will ever make in this life. And as you commit to God in this covenant relationship, now your life is going to be directed in the framework of your life through this covenant that you've made. And it means the choices that you make, who you're going to marry, where you're going to live, even the career, perhaps, that you'll select are going to be framed within the perspective of putting God first.

Because this is the covenant you've made. And I say, that's the first, most important covenant commitment in this life you can make. And when I begin marriage counseling, I start out much the same way. I'll say, this is the second most important covenant commitment that you will make. And the emphasis in saying that is to show that God is first. There is marriage, and God is first, even in that.

And it's not in some ways a cop-out. It's not intended to shortchange the marriage covenant in any way. In fact, just the opposite is true, because when a man who puts God first marries a woman who puts God first, then who's going to be first in that covenant? That's going to be God, isn't it?

His truth, His ways, His calling, His values, what it is He's given us to live as an expression will be first in that relationship. And it will be a blessing to that union. The marriage will have what it needs to fulfill by God's purpose and design what it is He has intended from the beginning. And indeed, God's design is that marriage be a blessing. So that's my title for today. It's the focus I want to take, the blessing of marriage.

Just having gone and performed a wedding ceremony, it was what was on my mind here this week, and specifically yesterday as I was pulling some of this together and thinking, you know, this is what God has given us if done according to His word to be a blessing to those that would enter this covenant. So today I want to remind us of what the Bible shows to be principles for a strong and godly marriage.

And if we implement these things as given to us by God, it will indeed make our marriage unions a blessing. So I want to begin in the beginning, right? Because where is the first marriage union found? It's found in the beginning of God's word and His intent from the beginning. So let's start out today in Genesis chapter 1, the first man, the first woman, the first marriage union that God brought together.

Genesis chapter 1, and let's begin in verse 26. Then God said, Let us make man in our image according to our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. And so God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created Him male and female.

He created them. So we have this snapshot in the beginning, and God's creation of mankind, two distinctive genders, male and female, created in His likeness, created with the same incredible human potential, as we understand from God's word, to be children in the family of God. This was a very beautiful and wonderful thing. Verse 28, then God blessed them. He blessed them. Bless them together is the point.

Then God blessed them, and He said to them, Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. God blessed their union. And He gave them to one another in the relationship of marriage, and He told them in this relationship, go forth. Multiply, have children, build your families, and fill the earth.

And it was God's intent from the beginning that this would be a blessing. Now, as we come forward to Genesis chapter 2, we get a little more detail into how this relationship then began between the first man, the first woman. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18. And the Lord God said, It's not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. Now, at this point of time, Eve had not yet been made. Adam was alone in the midst of the garden, and, you know, he had relationship there with God. But look around, and there was no one like him. No one to be a comparable helper for him to be found.

Verse 19 says, And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, every bird of the air. He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was their name. So Adam gave names to all the cattle and the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. I think part of the lesson that God wanted Adam to learn in this, I mean, why not just create...

Adam, he wakes up and hears the woman right next to him from the beginning, and not ever having known anything different. Well, I think God's revealing to Adam through this whole process, whether he realized it or not, that there was a need that existed for him to have a companion, that he was not fully complete apart from that union that God would intend for him to seek after in this life.

So we have this picture here of all the animals coming to Adam, and in my mind I kind of see them maybe coming by two by two. And what are we going to call this one? Big, fluffy mane, we'll call it the lion. And we'll call this one the black and white striped, right? The zebra. He gave names to them all, and he noticed they had companions, they had mates, they reproduced each after their own kind, and yet Adam was alone in all the physical creation with no one comparable to him.

No one that was that suitable, perfect companion. And again, he had God, and that was truly a unique relationship. But to look around and say, there's no one like me, I think God wanted to impact something upon Adam here from the beginning. And he allowed them to experience that so he would understand and appreciate now the great blessing that God was about to provide. Verse 21, so in Genesis chapter 2 verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. He says, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs, closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman.

And he brought her to the man, and Adam said, This is now a bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Eve was a very special creation. She was made from the man. This was a different process than what you would read for Adam, that he was formed out of the dust of the ground, and God breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. This was actually a very unique creation, in that she was taken from man. Why would God do that?

Well, again, I believe it's because he wanted Adam to feel a very personal connection with this woman, a connection that was different from all the rest of creation. She wasn't just in his likeness, she was a part of him. God had taken her from him and designed this woman, and she was a part of him, literally, bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. The principle we see from this example is that neither man nor woman were complete apart from one another in the companionship that God designed in this union of marriage. So it's very special, the marriage union, from the beginning. I like to think of it sort of like a circle. You have this half circle that's the man, his character, his nature, who he is, and then you have this other half of the circle that's the woman, and her nature and character, who she is. And through that union, God brings them together, and they are complete. Indeed, in what he purposed in this union, together they make a whole. Now Zazah Gabor, some of you old-timers will remember Zazah Gabor, and you might think, well, what marriage advice would she have to offer? Well, you know, I've pulled some from various places for us to consider today. Zazah Gabor says, a man is incomplete until he's married, and after that, he is finished.

I guess it's in the pronunciation of that word, you know. He is indeed finished, right, with the companionship that God brings finished in a positive way. Okay, I think you get the humor here, but the emphasis makes the point. Eve was created to be Adam's helper, Genesis 2 and verse 20. And as such, the wife is intended to be a great support to her husband. She's on his side. Not just taken out of his side, she's on his side. She has his back. She is his companion throughout life, as God intended for the good. Eve was created intelligent, and she was created beautiful, and she was created with many wonderful talents, and God placed in her certain innate needs and desires that were built into her creation. And he also created Adam by design to be able to fulfill those needs. And the same is true in reverse as well. Adam, men, we are designed with certain needs and companionship and desire that God created the woman to fulfill in a perfectly unified relationship. So it goes both ways. God knew what he was doing when he created mankind male and female, and he created us from the beginning to be the perfect complement to one another, helpers of one another, united and complete in this union. Also, what we find is that the fact that God took woman from man's rib shows his intent for the family structure, that the man should be in the lead with the wife by his side. It is a partnership, it is a companionship, but there's an authority structure just as there is in the church, just as there is in the family of God. There's an authority structure that God has built into the family as well. And you know, that's not always popular in today's culture, but it is as God intended it from the beginning. And as we're going to see, it's not just a blind relationship either. There's actually responsibility that God built into this that goes both ways. He says, if you're going to live in this relationship structure, both the man and the woman have a high degree of responsibility, one to another, how they would conduct themselves and before God.

Verse 24, if we carry on, still in Genesis 2, it says, So there's this intimacy now that's built into the relationship, not just the intimacy of the same kind of creation, but actually the intimacy that God would bring them together in this sexual union through marriage, that they would reproduce, that they would bring families into the world, and again, they would go forth, forming together as one. Nothing shameful, nothing inappropriate. In fact, as with everything that God created, He says, this indeed is very good. That's what He intended for us from the beginning. I'd like to read to you from the United Church of God marriage ceremony. I'll just pull a portion of that. Again, still fresh in my mind from just a couple of days ago, and I believe it focuses very directly on the blessing that God intends marriage to be. And it says, and again, that's a very important point. It is God who ordained the marriage, who blessed the marriage. He is the author of marriage, a divine institution ordained of God. It was established by the creator God at creation and drives its authority from the divine laws of God, immutable and unchangeable. When God created life upon the earth, He made human beings the pinnacle of the physical creation, fashioning them in His own image. He gave men and women creative minds with the ability to make choices, to develop plans, and to build their lives upon those plans. Men and women were created with the marvelous potential of eternal life in the family of God, and as a loving Father, God gave us the institution of marriage and the blessing of family that we might learn to love one another as He loves us. So, the emphasis of both God's Word and actually the marriage ceremony that we use shows that this union is to help us understand how do we love one another as God loves us? And if you think of the love of God, what is the love of God? It's selfless. It's an outgoing concern for the other. It's giving of Himself as He does towards us. It's a merciful love. It is a forgiving love. God so loved the world that He sent His only begotten Son while we were still enemies of God, the Bible says. Christ died for us. So, it's full of mercy. It's full of forgiveness, not holding a grudge. And it's a sacrificial love of laying one's life down for the other. And, indeed, again, that example that Jesus Christ set of laying His life down for us. And so, if we take on these characteristics and these qualities in our marriage union, it will be a blessing to both the husband and the wife. And we will learn the valuable principles of God's nature as well. He builds this into our union. And it's why it's so essential we read these words and we live according to them. He's designed it to be a blessing. We must follow what it is He's given us. But His very nature is actually expressed through the marriage union. And husband and wife learn to love as He loves through this example.

I think one of the problems that oftentimes comes up in marriages today is the focus on self. Self-satisfaction, self-fulfillment, and couples often might ask themselves, Am I happy? That becomes the overarching focus of the relationship. Am I happy? As opposed to, What can I do today to make my spouse happy? What can I do to serve them and encourage them? Dr. Joyce Brothers, a well-known psychologist and counselor, says, Marriage is not just spiritual communion and a passionate embrace. She says it's also three meals a day and remembering to take out the trash. And it's true. You know, that's day-to-day life. It's the chores, it's the work, it's the effort you put into it. Sure, it's a good time, too, and it's wonderful to spend that with your spouse. But this day-to-day work, it's also three meals a day and remembering to take out the trash. Marriage is a relationship filled of giving and receiving, and we need to learn to be gracious on both ends of the spectrum if we desire to truly have a happy and a blessed union. Oftentimes married couples experience difficult challenges of life as well. Right? Because there are good times, but there's difficult times as well. And I think of Darla and I, there's been a lot of good times in our marriage. There's been times of challenge as well. Say there's been times of financial challenge, there's been times of health challenges, either she or I or family members, and there's been times as well of we've had the challenge of losing our home to a natural disaster, and you're like picking up and where do we go from here? And how do you start over again? So there's times where you're on a high, and there's times where actually it's a bit of a struggle, but that's the whole principle of this as well, that you get through these things together, supporting one another and growing together. And I say it's when we've been through some of the toughest challenges that I appreciate more and more that I have this companion in my life. It's sort of like, well, she has my back and I have her back, and it's like back to back against the world at times. But that's when the true blessing and appreciation of your spouse comes, especially, I would say, in the difficult times, the love and the support and the spiritual perspective that you can offer one to another.

Darlene and I have been together in marriage. We're coming up on our 30th wedding anniversary in March, and I just have to say, for me, hopefully her, it's been an incredible blessing. And I thank God for the companion He's given me in my life.

Comedian Groucho Marx. Darlene, I'm bringing this in from a very wide net that's been cast. Comedian Groucho Marx, what would he have to offer about marriage? Well, he says marriage is a wonderful institution. I think we would all agree with him. He says marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Again, I think it's in the emphasis, really. Right? As an institution, a good marriage ought to be two people working together to put God first in the relationship, seeking first the kingdom of God together, and along the way there are going to be trials, there are going to be bumps in the road, there are going to be times when you say, you know what, this isn't very much fun at all. In fact, this is hard. It's a challenge. Maybe even at times it hurts a little bit, but it's still about the covenant commitment that we made before God to love and to care for one another and to help each other reach the potential for which we were created.

I have to stop and go back and say, I think that is the most intimate, most incredible opportunity that a husband and wife could have together to work together to help one another fulfill the purpose for which they were created, which is to be sons and daughters in the family of God. We have an incredible influence on one another, and we can use that to either lift each other up or to tear each other down, but God put Adam and Eve together in the beginning and gave them a purpose to fulfill, and indeed He does so with us even today. Ephesians chapter 5 outlines for us the proper regard that husbands and wives must have towards one another in this relationship. So let's go there next. Ephesians chapter 5.

The Apostle Paul writing, we're going to pick it up in verse 22.

Ephesians chapter 5. Actually, let's go back to verse 21 because it's kind of a transitional verse. It's talking actually about some events prior, but it's what is used to transition into marriage, and it applies in that relationship as well. Verse 21 of Ephesians 5 says, submitting to one another in the fear of God. And that's what marriage is, it's submitting one to the other. And we're going to go through some verses actually that say, you know, wives submit to your husband, but understand this doesn't go just one direction. They're submitting one to another that plays out in this relationship. Verse 22, though, it does say, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Again, in the Lord was the comment. Okay, there is a standard actually that is set for the woman if she is to submit to the man. There has to be a standard that is godly that he holds. Verse 25, husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. It's important to consider to the degree that you love your wife, is to the degree that really you love yourself. Verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body. Speaking of now the church in Jesus Christ, and just consider this, Paul says, we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. So it's rather interesting when you stop and you note that, okay, this is the same kind of terminology as back in Genesis in the beginning, where God brought the woman to Adam and he's like, this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. Paul says, in terms of the church, we are members of Jesus Christ's body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And it helps to give an intimate insight into the love and the leadership and the care of Jesus Christ for the church. And what our submission indeed to him ought to be in this relationship. Verse 31, for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. And so what we see here is the relationship between a husband and wife, again intended to be a reflection of the relationship between Christ and the church. And just as Jesus Christ leads the church in a very loving and a committed way, laying his life down for her, so the husband ought to conduct himself towards his wife. Again, this is the example that's been said for all of us.

The wife, in turn, is instructed to submit to the leadership role of her husband as to Christ. And it's a relationship that's designed to work well, and it's actually something that the wife typically does willingly if... If her husband is loving, if he's honorable, if he's committed to leading in the right and proper way as God directs. Again, Jesus Christ towards the church being the standard. And the emphasis here in Ephesians chapter 5 is not on the husband demanding submission from the wife. The emphasis is on the wife giving submission unto her husband, who is honorable as unto the Lord.

So it's describing a God-centered relationship. Again, we're each serve one another in the bonds of love and trust. And it's a wonderful thing to experience when God blesses it, and both put God first in that union. I go back to verse 21 where Paul said, submitting to one another in the fear of God. That is what this relationship indeed is called to look like with husband and wife, submitting one to another in the fear of God. And so to the ladies, I would say this, wives especially, those who are looking to be wives as well, someday men want to know that they are respected by their wives. And that's going to be reflected in the nature and the behavior of the wife towards her husband. He'll know if his wife holds him in esteem in that position as the husband, if she thinks of him and treats him with honor, indeed, depending on how she is living towards him. He'll know in that relationship, and vice versa, to the men among us, to husbands, women want to know that they are loved by their husbands, that they're cherished by their husbands, that they're a special treasure to their husbands that God gave to them as an incredible blessing. They want to know that they are loved by their husbands, and again, that's going to be reflected in a husband's actions toward his wife. And he'll know. She'll know. Right? If he loves her in that position, too. So if we come to understand that God is building his family, okay, through this process of human beings created, now coming into a covenant of baptism with him, God is building his spiritual family. And if we understand that process and how it also plays in the family, and we understand the relationship whereby Jesus Christ takes the church as the bride in the family of God, then we should be compelled to put our best efforts into making our marriages work today. Indeed, it is the reflection of something greater that God is doing on the spiritual scale. He's given us the formula, and he says, indeed, your relationship is going to be likened unto Christ and the church. And if you do well, it'll be a blessing. Now, as I said earlier, there is responsibility in all of this. Okay, you can read through Ephesians 5 rather easily, but understand there's responsibility of the wife towards your husband. There's responsibility of the husband towards his wife in return as well. Consider the fact that when a woman marries in the church, she places herself willingly under her husband's authority. And we men need to recognize what a leap of faith and hope that is on behalf of the woman.

Right? She's an individual standing on her own two feet, making her own way. And she decides, you know, I want to be married to this individual. And she takes a portion of, can I use the word for freedom, her flexibility in some ways, and gives that to her husband in submission to his lead. And the man needs to understand and recognize, again, that's a leap of faith and hope on her part. And she wonders, will her husband be loving? Will he be kind? You know, will he be gentle and receive that and care for that faith and hope with, you know, like a piece of china? Or will he be hard? Will he be demanding?

Will he be difficult even for his wife to come into that relationship? We men have our God-given responsibility in return, not to violate the trust that's been placed in us by our wives. And the command, indeed, in the Scripture is, husbands, love your wives. Cherish her, as God's given her to you as a gift and as a blessing. Be someone your wife will be pleased to live in submission to. You know, do we make that a joy for our wives, men? Indeed, that's part of our responsibility in return as given to us by God and Christ. When a husband exhibits the kind of love and commitment that Jesus Christ showed the church, I would say it's very much easier for the woman to live in this relationship with her husband.

So again, it says, as to the Lord. And that's the standard that is actually set for the man to treat his wife in such a way. And I would say this to the single ladies as well. I know we have a number of single ladies also up in the Spokane area, and people who desire to be married. Let me say this to the single ladies. Please do not enter into a covenant with a man you can't trust to be Christ-like towards you.

It's very serious. Please don't enter into a relationship with a man you don't trust to be Christ-like towards you. Do marry a man who you trust to submit to God's lead in his life as he leads you. Because isn't that what we want? If you're going to submit to the husband's lead, don't you want him submitting to God's lead? And this will then be a blessing, such as God has ordained.

So I say, ladies, please just keep this in mind. Men keep this in mind as well. As it pertains to evaluating one another in these matters, okay, because I'm not looking to stir up trouble. I made this comment last week at the planning meeting in Spokane. The concept of a marriage seminar came up, and at the time I thought, should I say this or not?

And I said it, and now I'm standing here saying, should I say it or not? Because it's kind of like for the record, right? But, you know, marriage seminars, you have to be ready for them. You have to be invested. You have to give yourself to them. And at times, I have found, for me, it just kind of stirred up trouble. Because we thought we had a great marriage until the car ride home, and it's like, oh, yeah. So, you know what he said? You should be doing. And you know what she said? You should be doing. Right? And, huh. Well, that's not my point, all right? But my point is, what is the standard of God's Word?

We need to live according to it. And we should evaluate those things, evaluate them in ourself, you know, primarily. How are we each doing? But as it pertains to perhaps looking at one another in this relationship, I think Benjamin Franklin offered some helpful advice as well. Benjamin Franklin. He said, keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut after. I think there's some truth to that. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage. Know what you're getting into. Know the individual you're committing with.

Be aware in a good way, right? There's proper ways to be aware. But keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut after. Because it can be picky, easy to just pick, pick, pick, and find the negatives, right? And if there's things we need to work on, we should. But, you know, you've committed, and you're in this covenant. So let's now work to build it in a positive way. And keep your eyes wide open before and half shut afterwards. I think it's good advice. First Peter chapter 3 and verse 1, let's go there next.

The Apostle Paul wasn't the only one to write on this theme of marriage and roles between husband and wife. Peter does as well. First Peter chapter 3 and verse 1, Peter says, Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. We're talking about godly fear, not fear of being afraid. But the point is, you know, sometimes you have a wife who has an unbelieving mate.

And that's exactly what Peter is describing here. And the point is, fulfill your role towards him anyway. If he is respectful, respect him. If he is honorable, honor him. And who knows that if your behavior perhaps would open the door for them, right, to bring to a relationship to Jesus Christ, because of the way in which his own wife would conduct ourselves towards him in this marriage. Verse 3, Do not let your adornment, ladies, be merely outward. It's nice to look nice. It's nice to dress up and fix up.

And you know what? We men do appreciate that. But don't let your adornment be merely outward, arranging of the hair, wearing gold, putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and a quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. And I would say, in the sight of man as well, if he has the eyes to actually look with the right and proper vision.

For in this manner and former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him, Lord, whose daughters you are, if you do good or not afraid with any terror. So he then now turns to the husbands. Husbands, he says, likewise, dwell with them with understanding.

And I don't think we always do that at times. You know, each woman is different. Each circumstance is different. You dwell with them with understanding. Who are they? You know, what things are important to them? What things are maybe even challenges from their upbringing? This is a relationship that has to fit.

And to husbands, it's dwell with them with understanding. Giving honor to the wife is to the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. So what we come to understand as well is that the husband is held to a very high standard, very high account by God, in terms of how he would conduct himself towards his wife in this relationship, because again, she is a gift from him.

From the beginning, that's what we saw. She is a gift to the man, the woman. He was alone. And she is the companion God created for him. So let's see the beauty, then, of this right relationship in practical application. We can get a glimpse into this. Let's go to Proverbs, chapter 31.

Proverbs, chapter 31, it's a chapter that describes a woman of integrity. She's diligent in all her ways in how she conducts herself towards her husband, towards her family, towards the community around. But Proverbs 31, there's things we can notice in terms of specific qualities of marriage. Proverbs, chapter 31, verse 10, it asks the question, who can find a virtuous wife? Virtuous wife literally means a woman of value. You know, she's someone that is excellent in all forms of that word. But she is a woman of high value to the man. Who can find a virtuous wife? It says, for her worth is far above Ruby's. This woman is literally the most precious thing to her husband beyond any physical treasure, by compare. And he treasures her beyond, far beyond the worth of Ruby's. Verse 11, it says, her heart, the heart of her husband trusts safely in her. Let me back up on that. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, and he will have no lack of gain. So we have this principle built into the marriage of trust. Right? From the husband to the wife. And we know it goes the other direction as well. From the wife to the husband. And trust is an incredible blessing to the marriage. But if it's broken, it can be the highest degree of assault on that union as well. And trust is something that can, in cases, be rebuilt. But if it's broken, it takes a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of patience. Frankly better not to even go down that path to begin with. So the admonition is, husbands and wives work to preserve trust in your marriage. And trust comes in a lot of different forms. Trust in financial trust, there's emotional trust and spiritual trust. There's sexual trust that's built into the marriage. And again, if it's broken, it can often be rebuilt with hard work, but it takes time and effort. And sometimes it can't. It really depends on the degree of that. God says, you defend trust in this relationship.

Verse 11, again, the heart of her husband safely trusts her so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. And so to the wives, I would encourage you that this is actually a motto that you could jot down. Here's a motto for a wife in her marriage. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. This is what I remind myself of as my wife's giving me this handful of vitamins and saying, here, take this. I said, I don't want to swallow it. And she says, married men live longer. And I say, it's because they can't afford to die. We have this loving dialogue at times, but it's like, but my heart does trust in her. Okay. And she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. I don't always ask what she's giving me. I know it's okay. Right. There's the trust that exists there. Wives, seek with all your being to support your husband and your family for good. Look out for their well-being and their best interests each and every day, and in doing so, it will be a blessing to him. And because the Bible shows we reap what we sow, it will be a blessing and return to you as well. Seek to do him good and not evil all the days of his life. Proverbs chapter 14 verse 1 says that a woman builds her house, but the foolish pull it down with her hands. Again, that's Proverbs 14 verse 1. So understand, a wife has this incredible amount of influence in the home, and it can be used either for positive or for not. And she can decide each and every day, you know, am I going to grab the hammer and the nails? Am I going to build up the blessing of my household? Or am I going to get up and pick up the sledgehammer and just start swinging and tear down to the destruction of my household? Again, the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Seek every day, wives, to be builders towards what God has provided to be a blessing in your life. Again, the virtuous woman does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. Verse 16, dropping down, it says, she considers a field and buys it from her prophets as she plants vineyard. So what we see here as well is that this woman is a savvy businesswoman as well. She's seeking to build up for the good of her family. She considered this field and she bought it. It actually doesn't say she considered a field and went and asked her husband, and then went and bought it. I do recommend, if you're going to make major purchases, you talk to your partner. I don't buy a car without talking to my wife or make any major financial decision without talking to my wife. But the point here of the virtuous woman and actually the trust that was built in the marriage, apparently she saw this field, she bought it, she planted a vineyard, it was productive, and you know what? That was okay. He trusted in her work. It's usually when I'm in Africa that we have more horses show up on the property.

Well, you were in Africa. I couldn't get a hold of you. This is a long ways away. I had to make a corporate decision while you were gone because the horse came knocking on the door. But it's okay. I trust her. I trust her business sense in those things. That's her business. We actually have two horses shipping out on a transport to Southern California tomorrow. So, you know, God can provide the blessing. I've known many women who actually were stay-at-home moms and homemakers. You know what they did? They raised the children, they tended the house, and they often had something cooking on the side as side business or something that brought in a little extra financial help for the family. And sometimes people say, oh, you're stay-at-home mom. Well, what do you do all day? Well, sometimes I think the schedule is easier just to go to the office than to stay and to do those things. But this virtuous woman is invested, and again, it comes back to trust. And her husband trusts her judgment. She's wise in her investments, and she's not out maxing out the credit cards to do this. She's not out doing something that would put the family at risk in some get-rich-quick scheme. She's doing something that is dependable, and sure, and she makes an incredible blessing for her husband and for her house. So if he's advised to consider, I would say, husbands, don't be too quick to laugh at your wife's investment ideas. After all, you were one of them! I was one of them. So, at least I've got to admit, she has a little wisdom in investment, maybe. Right? You were one of them. So let's consider these things. Verse 17, she girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the disstaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor. She reaches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of the snow for her household. For all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. And it goes on to express the kind of woman that this is. She looks out for the good of her husband, the good of her children, the good of her household. She's also a humanitarian. She cares for others and has sympathy that goes out and reaches out. You see someone in need, and she extends that to them. And she cares for herself. And this is describing a virtuous woman, but remember it's describing a wife towards her husband in this relationship as well. Notice verse 23, it says, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. I suppose at some point I could actually flip it around. You could give a sermon on the Proverbs 31, which is the man who has a wife such as this. And how is his life impacted? Well, it says, he is known in the gates and sits among the elders. And this is a position of public honor and respect, as it would have been in a community in Israel to be an elder at the gate. People came for counsel and for input and for help. And this example shows it's a result of not only his character, but of the positive support of his wife as well. The fact that the woman and what she lends in her dealings, in her appearance, in terms of how she interacts, how she upholds the good things, she's actually someone who helps to support her husband and where it is then that he goes and what he does. And I would just say, I don't believe that I would be serving today in the ministry of Jesus Christ if my wife was a troublemaker, if she was a rebel rouser.

She's laughing more than she is. Apart from her support, in the way she's ordered her life, in the way she's ordered, our house is in order. And I'm not talking about maid service. I'm talking about children brought up, and I'm talking about the fact that she serves in a way that is respectful and honorable among all. And again, this is what's being described by here in Proverbs. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life, and it leads to a blessing in her household and a blessing for all, indeed. Proverbs 18, verse 22 says, the man who finds a wife finds a treasure. She is a treasure. It's like something that is so valuable. You want to hold on to it. You want to protect it. You want to keep it. He who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord. It's very wonderful. Wonderful words.

Now, husbands, lest you feel neglected in this, there is a motto we could consider for us men to remember as well. We married men. 1 Timothy, chapter 5. Let's turn there briefly. 1 Timothy, chapter 5, verse 8. Again, husbands, let's remember this. 1 Timothy 5, verse 8. But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. As men of God and as husbands, we're called to provide for our own, especially for our wife, our children, our household. But provision takes a lot of different forms. Provision does take the form of financial support, but sometimes people might think, well, that's all I need to do. I provide a paycheck. There's a roof over the head, so that's just great. And they come and flop on the couch and turn on the TV as soon as they're in from work, and they've done their part. Not so. Being a provider goes beyond merely financial provision. It goes to elements of support, such as emotional support. Financial support is in there, but mental support and spiritual support. God has called men not to simply, again, just tune out, but to be leaders in their household, to guide and direct their family, to guide and direct their children, to be protectors of the family and teachers in the family, pointing their family to God. They take the time as well to love their wives and show them the affection and the care that they need. This is all built into multiple scriptures that we don't have the time to go to today. One of the reasons that marriages and families are in such trouble today, I believe, is because men have failed to step up and be men. Sadly, in a number of cases as well, women have failed to step up and be the women, such as God has given us to be. Let it not be so among us in the Church of God. Let us study God's Word and fulfill what He has given to us according to His Spirit. And indeed, it will be a blessing. So wives respect Him, do Him good all the days of His life. Husbands love her, cherish her, provide for her as God intends. So I want to conclude, because we're coming to the end of our time together today, I want to conclude with some points that help to build up a marriage so that they are indeed a happy blessing to the couple. And I'm going to go through these quick, so hopefully you can write pretty quickly, because I have ten principles, but we're going to keep them brief. Think about these throughout the week. How are we doing in these, and what is it that maybe we can even do to expand on this? Principle number one for building up a healthy marriage. Remind yourselves daily that God gave marriage as a gift. Okay, this has to be the focus towards our marriage. Remind yourself daily that God gave marriage as a gift, that it's a blessing, that it's for our good that we not be alone. Indeed, the Bible says, two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. Ecclesiastes 4 verse 9. Two are better than one.

Point number two, I have couples date often. Date often. Just because you're married doesn't mean the dating ends, and the opportunity to grow your relationship ends. Date often. Just the two of you in a peaceful setting where you can. You should shoot for that if you can once a week. I would say at the very least, once a month. Date often. I know a car ride to the Tri-Cities doesn't count, does it, Darla? Unless I buy dinner, then maybe that's a date. Date often. Point number three, find a relationship-building activity, a hobby that you enjoy doing together. Because this is about spending quality time together, because so often during the week, the man goes off to work over here, and maybe the wife goes off to work over there, and the weekend comes, they have hobbies, they have things they like to do, he goes and does this over here, she does that over there. What brings you together as a couple and grounds you in something that you love to do together in quality time, you need to find that. Find a relationship-building activity, a hobby you enjoy doing together. Point number four, sacrifice for each other. Sacrifice for each other. Again, that's the example of Christ towards the church that was set for us. Truly satisfying marriages are based on giving, not getting. When both may sacrifice for each other and serve one another, the blessing to the relationship is going to be dramatic. So lay your life down in service one to the other. Sacrifice for each other. Number five, always look for the good in one another. Always look for the good in one another. Compliment the good more than you attack the flaws. Look for the good in one another. And again, I'll come back to Benjamin Franklin. Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half shut afterwards.

You don't have to... Anyway, I'll move on. Number six, let your spouse know that you appreciate them every day. Let your spouse know that you appreciate them every day. And tell them what you appreciate about them. You know, I appreciate you. Okay, that's nice. That's easy to say, but be specific. Let them know what you appreciate. Let them know that they are appreciated, and don't take them for granted. Number seven, pray for your spouse every day. Actually, get down on your knees and pray for your spouse each and every day. Pray for their strength, for their health, pray for their wisdom, which comes from God. And in that, pray for yourself as well that I can be the mate to my spouse. That would be this companion that God desires, that would bring out the best in them and me. Pray for your spouse every day. Pray for your relationship. Number eight, say please and thank you often. You know, Barney taught our kids that from childhood, right? I couldn't write this point without hearing that song in my head, but even decades later. Please and thank you. Say those two words often. Being truly thankful helps others love and respect us, and return as well. Point number nine, don't let anger grow into bitterness in your marriage. Don't let anger grow into bitterness in your marriage. Work it out quickly and be forgiving. And in fact, the Bible tells us, Ephesians 4 verse 26, Don't let the sun go down on your wrath, okay? Nor give place to the devil.

We don't want to give the adversary place in our marriage through anger, resentment, things that then build into bitterness. So don't let anger grow into bitterness. Work it out and forgive quickly. And finally, point number ten, we could come up with so many more. Let's stop here. Point ten, keep God in your marriage relationships at all times. Or maybe I should make that singular. Keep God in your marriage relationship, okay, at all times. But in our marriages, let's do that. Because there are three in this covenant commitment. There is the husband, there is the wife, and there is God in the marriage covenant commitment. And keep God in your marriage at all times. Psalm 127, verse 1 says, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Right? So we want God building this house of our marriage, working with us as we put Him first. As the husband puts Him first, as the wife puts Him first, He will indeed be first in their marriage. And it will be a blessing. Brethren, marriage is an incredible blessing from God. And when husbands and wives lovingly submit to the roles that God has established for them within this union, they learn to love one another as God loves us. They come to understand more fully the special relationship between Jesus Christ and the church. And they encourage one another in the number one commitment to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Let each and every one of us put our whole efforts into making our marriages all that they can be. And in doing so, again, you reap what you will sow. If you will be a blessing to your spouse as God intends, indeed, they will be a blessing to you as well. And your marriage will be a blessing. A blessing which God intended perfectly in this union from the beginning.

Thank you.