Seven Foundational Principles About Perceptions

I heard an interesting story recently about a hummingbird. There was a hummingbird that got into some trouble. It flew into a garage and got lost. Now the garage door was still open, but the hummingbird didn't see that and insisted on bashing its head into a window trying to get out. It was determined to get out, but its determination wasn't going to break the glass window. Soon the whole family was in the garage, empathizing and concerned. Of course, the little kids were saying, "Help him, Daddy, help him!" So the father was feeling sad too for the bird and obviously saw the tearful kids, so he tried. He went over and raised the window, thinking that would help. But instead of the bird flying out, the bird went up with the window as it raised. So the man then started to try to nudge the hummingbird gently with a broom handle to urge it to see where it was supposed to go. Again it didn't work, so the man bumped it harder, but the hummingbird wouldn't budge. Finally, after several firm pokes, the hummingbird did make a move, but the wrong way. Instead of flying forward, it fluttered backwards between the two glass panes and got stuck. You can kind of picture this situation, right? It's pitiful. How would you feel if you were there? You have this little bird bouncing between two glass panes, highly stressed, losing energy.

The man had no choice, so he stuck his fingers up there, grabbed a couple of the feathers, pulled it down, and the hummingbird took off. At least it was free. He didn't want to do that, but at least it was finally free. And when the bird got back to his nest, did he ever have a story to tell! "I had a horrible day, Martha. I got stuck in this huge room with a fake exit. They made it look like a hole, but it wasn't. Then they tried to crush me with a ledge, but it stopped just before it reached the top. The big ugly one? He came after me with a stick. Just when he was about to spear me, I made a move for it. I dodged him, but fell into their trap — a narrow room with invisible walls. How cruel. I could see them pointing at me, and I'm sure they were hungry. Then the ugly one came after me again, this time with his fingers. He was going for my neck. I outfoxed him though. Just when he pulled me out, I kicked loose and put in a turbocharge and escaped. It's a good thing I did that, or they'd be having hummingburgers for dinner!"

So what's the lesson of the story? The man was being kind. The bird thought he was being cruel. You know, if only the little bird had known that the man had come to help. If only the little fellow had known that the man was on his side. If only he had understood that the moving ledge and the stick were really for his protection. If only he knew all these things. Do you ever get into situations in life where you perceive things differently than they really are? Or maybe differently than those you come in contact with? Differently than those sitting around you in this room? Do you perceive things differently than even the person sitting right next to you today? So whose perception is right? And what in the world does that have to do with religion?

As humans, we were created with this ability to think, with this ability to reason, right? And that was God's gift to mankind. It separates us from the animals. But as free moral agents, it also is what makes us dangerous. So today we're going to talk about this concept of perceptions. Perceptions often form the foundation for how we feel about each other and what credence we give to what they say and what they do. It's like a filter through which we look at each other.

But we rarely discuss them. We rarely admit the role they play. And we certainly dismiss other people's perceptions of us because those are ill-founded, right? It can be very uncomfortable for a person to face how they're perceived, to recognize the errors in how they perceive others. I faced that and learned a lot from an example that happened many years ago — more years than I want to admit now — at work.

State Farm was going through a company reorganization, and my new office was going to be in San Dimas, California. But it formed with people that came together from seven different offices. So it was this homogeneous blending of people along the way. Well, cliques formed, people developed snap impressions of each other, everyone struggled to meet new expectations with new bosses and new co-workers. The first few months were filled with a whole lot of excitement and a whole lot of stress.

People's norms had been disrupted, and as a management group, we were in the same thing. We had a new boss, we were trying to figure out how to create a comfortable environment for everybody, but also be productive as a group. And one of our biggest challenges came from the support staff — all of these employees who had previously worked individually servicing their own teams and had not been challenged to function as this collective autonomous group. So most tended to fall back to their little cliques, to finger-pointing whenever they faced a challenge.

So what we did, one by one, when a situation with fireworks appeared, we would grab the different people who were involved, we'd grab any witnesses who were there, and we'd try to mediate. We would discuss, in large part, how each person perceived what happened. And man, did the views differ!

Person one, Jane: "She came over and snapped at me. She demanded that I do all her work and then just walked away. So I stood up for myself and I told her no. I can't help it if she's inefficient and always behind on her work."

Person two, Sue: "I came up to Jane and I politely asked if she could help me out on these priority tasks. Two of my people are out and I was in a mandatory meeting for half the day. So I simply needed help. I'll never go to Jane again. She's not a team player. She's so loud and moody and opinionated. Everyone is afraid to go to her."

And then the witness would say: "There seems to be regular friction between Sue and Jane. Sue came up to Jane and asked if she could do some work for her. She didn't snap at her, but she also never explained why she needed help or if this was a one-time request. It isn't unusual for Sue to be behind on her work. Jane really didn't try to see if help was needed. She just got angry. Jane can be loud and emotional."

Then we would go into deeper conversations about how each person was perceived. You'd talk about things like inefficient, not a team player, poor communicator, behind on work, loud, moody, opinionated, intimidating. Some people recognized themselves immediately. Others didn't. And it took multiple situations and a whole lot of witnesses to finally break through the defenses. And ultimately, self-realization would occur. Tears would flow. I'd argue the stock of Kleenex probably went up around that time. But almost every time, people would say, "Why hasn't anyone else ever told me this before? It can't be true, or my past boss would have said something."

At work, most employees gained this higher level of self-awareness. We tried to take them through a journey, and I learned a lot along the way. But we had weekly meetings because this was chronic enough. We had to formalize things to get past this. So we literally held weekly meetings where each person in our support team would sit across from another member, rotating around, and tell them how they perceived each other's strengths, what they respected, and areas they thought the other person could improve on. Transparency started to happen. We also discussed how the whole group was seen or perceived as a group by the office and other offices, because there was also a reputation that was starting to go around.

The ultimate outcome after six to nine really challenging months was one of the tightest, most united, vibrant support staffs and offices that I'd ever run into. Because they became this group who would do anything for each other. They regularly looked out for ways to help each other. They understood each other now. And what really happened was their positive relationships and perceptions now outweighed the occasional negative feelings that snuck in at times. And negative perceptions and feelings no longer controlled them. Their actions weren't controlled by that.

I had a fascinating secretary at that time, and she literally, with all the emotion you could put into it, would talk about this like a before-and-after type — pre-enlightenment. "I was before enlightenment. I have enlightenment now." Because she couldn't see herself before. But it had that palpable of an impact.

See, we all have perceptions of those we come in contact with. But we usually try to avoid conflict, and we never share them. Which is actually not Christian. There are ways to share and make each other better. We'd rather mutter about people in small private groups or let things fester in us until they're about to blow up, right? Air and express how other people's actions frustrate us. That's not really the healthy side.

So let's apply these lessons to us. What wrong perceptions do we hold as a church or create in others that might prevent us from being the tools God desires to fully achieve His plan? Are we in the way of God's plan for what He wants to achieve as a whole or through you, through me? Are we holding perceptions about ministers in other groups which we wouldn't feel comfortable sharing with them? Do you think some of the other church groups may have wrong perceptions about United? Are our statements, our actions, our interactions with others truly Christlike? Would God find any fault in how we talk about others? Ideally not, right? But I'm sure He'd find fault with me from time to time.

Do other Christians see us as a team player? If you're going to use that office example, does God see us stabbing others in the back? Are we hostile? Are we lazy? Our purpose in life is to become God-like. Never lose that. That's why we exist — not for our own gratitude, but to become God-like. And being God-like is in direct contrast to our human nature. Two polar opposites. Jesus constantly taught about how we should deal with others, how we should deal with God — the two great commandments. Perceptions drive both of those pretty strongly. And how we deal with Christian peers who are closest to us in faith, that's just one area of perceptions in our lives.

What perceptions affect other interactions with people of other races, of other nationalities? Opposite sex? Our relationship with our kids, or our relatives, or our neighbors, or our spouse, our co-workers? Today I want us to really focus closely on our perceptions and how they affect our actions toward others.

Judgments that are based on human perceptions are often the antithesis to godly judgment. So what I'm going to share today is seven foundational principles about perceptions. I hope that you'll re-examine your own perceptions and gain insights into how they affect your relationship with God as we go through this.

The first foundational principle: Focus on the facts, not the story in your head. You probably heard of the book Crucial Conversations by Joseph Grenny and Kerry Patterson. It teaches that we all go through a very consistent pattern when carrying on conversations with other people. It starts this way: we first see, hear, or experience something. And this is when we take in facts. Okay? Facts are scientifically verifiable. They're things people can all agree on. You have a black New King James Bible on your lap. Okay. Fact. The problem is, we never know all the facts.

Part two: We then create a mental story about the facts. And since we never have all the facts, we have to piece the facts we know with other assumptions to create a conclusion. And that's why two people can see the same thing and can respond totally differently. Our mental stories represent either judgments, conclusions, or attributions that we make from the facts. And that's why the same facts can be used to tell an infinite number of stories that we see around us.

These mental stories then create our emotions. That's the third part. Depending on the story we create in our mind, we can interpret another person's actions as either a positive thing or something we can get upset about or have to defend ourselves from. Trauma, right? It depends where we take it.

And these feelings finally impact how we act. So in summary, we take what we see and hear, we create a mental story, which impacts how we feel, and finally how we act. Fair enough?

Turn to Luke chapter 9, verses 18 through 21. Jesus told people He was the Son of God, right? He displayed miracles that no other human had ever performed. But the Pharisees and Sadducees of the day saw all this. They heard His teaching, but their mental story wouldn't allow them to accept the reality that Jesus was the Son of God, right?

Luke 9, verse 18: "He asked them, saying, 'Who do the crowd say that I am?' So they answered and said, 'John the Baptist, but some say Elijah, and others say that one of the old prophets has risen again.' He said to them, 'But who do you say that I am?' Peter answered and said, 'The Christ of God.' And He strictly warned and commanded them to tell this to no one."

Are your decisions based on facts or guesses? What are your decisions based on? Our mental stories become our truths. They become what we act on. And some key times when you should ask whether a mental story is impacting your judgments are when you're stuck in anger or self-justification or blame or guilt. Another situation to think about is when you keep telling yourself and others the same story and you resist others' attempts to retell the story. Little things to watch out for, right?

If you feel deeply emotional towards someone else, try to isolate what is fact. What really is fact in there? Once you can separate the fact from your mental story, you'll no longer be controlled by negative emotions. You can take a high road. But we don't do that. We're reacting to what we feel and say, "I feel it too. It has to be right." We have to learn to slow down our thoughts, to seek the facts, to validate our impressions, to reach shared understanding, and learn to process information differently.

Principle two: Perceptions lead to expectations. Please turn to Acts chapter 14, verses 8 through 19. And while you're doing that, I'll read a fascinating quote to you: "We are measured not by what we are, but by the perception of what we seem to be. Not by what we say, but how we are heard. Not by what we do, but how we appear to do it."

I'll repeat that because I think there's just so many parts to think through: "We are measured" — keyword — "not by what we are, but by the perception of what we seem to be. Not by what we say, but how we are heard. Not by what we do, but how we appear to do it."

Perceptions lead to expectations. A great example is what happened in Acts 14 with Paul and Barnabas in Lystra. "And in Lystra, a certain man without strength in his feet was sitting, a cripple, from his mother's womb who had never walked. This man heard Paul speaking. Paul, observing him intently and seeing that he had faith to be healed, said with a loud voice, 'Stand up straight on your feet.' And he leaped and walked."

Remember the point. Now when the people saw what Paul had done, they raised their voice, saying in the Lycaonian language, "The gods have come down to us in the likeness of men." Perceptions lead to expectations. And Barnabas they called Zeus, and Paul Hermes, because he was the chief speaker. Then the priest of Zeus, whose temple was in front of their city, brought oxen and garlands to the gates, intending to sacrifice with the multitudes.

But when the Apostles Barnabas and Paul heard this, they tore their clothes and ran in among the multitudes, crying out and saying, "Men, why are you doing these things? We are also men with the same nature as you, and preach to you that you should turn from these useless things to the living God, who made the heaven, the earth, and the sea, and all that are in them."

Verse 18: "And when they said these things, they could scarcely restrain the multitudes from sacrificing to them." Okay, now see how quickly perceptions can turn. Then Jews from Antioch and Iconium came there, and having persuaded the multitudes, they stoned Paul and dragged him out of the city, supposing him dead. Wow.

So Paul healed a lame person, and immediately people thought the gods had come in human form, right? Barnabas was Zeus, and Paul was Hermes, or whichever way you want to get it — they even wanted to give sacrifices to them. Then some Jews from Antioch came down, and they literally nearly killed Paul. Perceptions lead to expectations.

Okay, so say I walk up to you, and I see you working on a radio with pieces spread all over, and then I walk up to you a little bit later, and the radio is running. I'm gonna think you know a good bit about how radios work and how to fix them. And if I have a challenge with my radio, I'm gonna go to you and ask for your help. That leads to this parallel lesson from this point: Wrong perceptions lead to wrong expectations.

Wrong perceptions lead to wrong expectations. That's this critical error in human reasoning. Let me go back to my example with you. Let's say somebody is taking pieces out, and all you were doing was putting the screws in. All you know how to do is run a screwdriver or work a screwdriver. You don't know anything about radios. That's how we tend to be. False perceptions lead to disbelief, and disbelief is what blinds us to the beauty that makes the once-in-a-lifetime truths and relationships in life get lost. We don't appreciate what we have at times.

Jesus is that classic example. Turn to Mark chapter 8, verses 27 through 30. How was Jesus perceived? Jesus didn't fit the Jewish concept of a Messiah. Not at all how he was. So rather than changing their notion, the Jews dismissed him. They said he was a liar. They said he was a fake. They had the choice to accept the true Jesus or live with the wrong perception, and they chose the wrong perception.

Mark 8, verse 27: "Now Jesus and his disciples went out to the town of Caesarea Philippi, and on the road he asked his disciples, saying to them, 'Who do men say that I am?' So they answered, 'John the Baptist. But some say Elijah,' and others, 'one of the prophets.' And he said to them, 'But who do you say that I am?' Peter answered him and said, 'You are the Christ.' Then he charged them that they should tell no one about him."

So even those around Jesus carried that forward. They had wrong perceptions because the disciples constantly asked, "Are you gonna save us now? Are you gonna take over and become ruler? Is this your time?" So they had these wrong perceptions. How would they face the reality that 2,000-plus years later, He hasn't returned? So we need to be very careful what assumptions we use. Faulty perceptions form a foundation that leads to shaky buildings of expectations — otherwise known as very false expectations.

Principle three: It is natural to build perceptions about people based on first impressions. First impressions are usually short-sighted and limited. If you want to rephrase that, it's this concept: "Look before you label."

Turn to John chapter 9, verses 1 through 7. Now as Jesus passed by, he saw a man who was blind from birth, and his disciples asked him, saying, "Rabbi, who sinned — this man or his parents — that he was born blind? Who sinned, causing this man to be born blind?" Never in mind that the man was a beggar, that he lived in darkness, he'd come to them in faith, he was within earshot. He probably heard them say that. It's easier to label than love.

Verse 6: "When he had said these things, he spat on the ground and made clay with the saliva, and he anointed the eyes of the blind man with the clay. And he said to him, 'Go, wash in the pool of Siloam,' which is translated 'Sent.' So he went and washed, and came back seeing."

Before meeting Jesus, how do you think the disciples would have described their perception of the Messiah? If you gave them a little piece of paper and had them all write down their perception, I bet it wasn't who they were with. Do you think they would have pictured Him eating with harlots and tax collectors, right? Would your picture their view that He would be condemned by the Pharisees? No.

How about when they were first getting to know Jesus? Do you think they would have believed that He would be resurrected from the dead? That He would give sight to the blind, that He would allow those paralyzed to jump, that He would forgive sins?

So what do you perceive that you feel strongly about? It all comes back to what we do, right? What do you perceive that you feel strongly about? What do you perceive about another person sitting in this room? What do you perceive about your family, your spouse? What do you perceive about God? You may say nothing, right? But I guarantee you that if I begin to list characteristics, occurrences in their lives, I will eventually elicit emotions and perceptions from you. If I tell you of something I did to hurt someone who means a lot to you, it will raise an emotional reaction inside of you.

We all form initial impressions based on things we hear and we see. Okay, but play it forward. What would Jesus' perception of the Apostles have been based on their starting point? Right? John tried to call fire down from the sky to destroy a city. James wanted the seat of honor, special treatment. Philip told Christ there wasn't enough food to feed the large crowd, so he failed that test. Peter didn't have enough faith to stay on top of the water, and he denied Christ three times.

Humanly speaking, what would we do if we were Jesus looking around the table at the Last Supper? No, just put us as humans in that situation — it's a different type of situation. Certainly if He was basing everything on first impressions, then He should have been very depressed. And if you consider that Christ could also foresee the future, He would have known that when He fell due to the weight of the cross, none of them would be there to help Him, that a stranger would have to step in there, that His closest friends would run away in fear and say they didn't know Him.

Would we say, "I shouldn't wash your feet; you should be washing mine," based on the perceptions we humanly have?

It's easier to label than love. But God wants us to show love.

Principle four: An improper action does not merit a generalization. Just because a person receives a DUI doesn't mean they're a drunk. Now that seems apparent, but we often make these broad assumptions like that. We tend to connect, to associate characteristics to the point of making these broad attributions.

So people tend to describe the personality of others, and if you hear them describe somebody, it's usually with generalizations. You don't hear somebody say, "Okay, my friend Bob is incredibly generous, but only when I ask him for things. But when his family asks him for things, he doesn't do anything." That's not usually how we say things. "My friend Debbie is wonderfully honest when it comes to her personal life, but at work she can be pretty slippery." You don't really hear people describe each other that way.

When it comes to personalities, we naturally think in terms of absolutes. They're a good person, they're a bad person, they're a cheater, they're always a liar, whatever. The mistake we make is we tend to think of character as something unified, something all-encompassing.

Psychologists call this blind spot tendency the fundamental attribution error — F-A-E, you have to have acronyms. The fundamental attribution error, which is just this fancy way of saying that when it comes to interpreting other people's behavior, we invariably make the mistake of overstating the importance of character and understating the importance of situation, of context. We're a lot more attuned to personal cues than contextual cues.

Turn to Matthew chapter 7, verses 1 through 2. I've seen a lot of wonderful ministers who suddenly became viewed as this weak and terrible person because a weakness, like alcoholism, suddenly became publicly known. In truth, they were the same person like the rest of us, fighting a human weakness.

Where do we make judgments? Matthew 7, verse 1: "Judge not, that you be not judged, for with what judgment you judge, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you."

I learned that lesson in a profound way in grad school. In grad school, I had a professor at USC called Bob Coffey, and we would review case studies that required evaluating how people interacted and handled challenging ethical situations. So it didn't take long for us to start assessing motives. Oh, we were good at that. But every time we did that, he would stop us mid-sentence. He wouldn't even let us get a sentence out. And he would say, "Tell me where it says in our case study exactly that happened — point it out." And if we couldn't specifically show it word for word, then he would have us stop and restate our sentence: "I attribute this person's motives to be..." and he'd say, "You can continue now."

It was a great lesson never to refer to someone's motivations without first clarifying that I'm only making an attribution. How often do you make attributions about people?

Principle five: We must get past first impressions and impressions based on prior actions. We must get past first impressions and impressions based on prior actions. Because even when our perceptions are accurate from past experience, do we let them rule our thoughts? Do we let them rule our actions? And I'd say, even more importantly, if you want to put that into context: Did Jesus? Or did love rule His actions?

Because if you look back at those who have hurt you in your lives, people who have left you alone with your bills or with questions or illnesses, forgot promises, abandoned contracts, whatever — pick something from your life. Have we continued to let that weigh in our thoughts? Or do we let love and forgiveness control our actions? Do you have certain people that you just well up with emotion and anger and venom every time you see them?

Turn to Luke chapter 9, verses 1 through 17. And again, I'd like us to look at how Jesus reacted to what He faced. Because context, right? He was mistreated. He was cursed. He was spoken wrongly about. Most everything He did, actually. Yet His actions toward others weren't based on their actions toward Him. That's the example He set. Do we do that?

The story of the loaves and fishes is an interesting one. But it's the only miracle that's told by all four authors except for the ones that happened in Jesus' last week, which is interesting. And it starts in Luke 9 in verse 1, but what I want you to do is look at what I'm not stepping right into the loaves and fishes. I'm going earlier at what took place on that day, potentially, in a very short period of time.

"Then he called his 12 disciples together and gave them power and authority over all demons, and to cure diseases. He sent them to preach the kingdom of God and to heal the sick."

Go to verse 9: "And Herod said, 'John, I have beheaded, but who is this of whom I hear such things?' So he sought to see him."

So if you tie this with the version in Matthew 14, it appears John was killed on the same day the Apostles returned. All this is really proximate. John was killed, disciples went out on their missionary trips — all this took place. And the Apostles, when they had returned, told Him all that they had done.

"Then He took them and went aside privately into a deserted place belonging to the city called Bethsaida."

Look at verse 12: "When the day began to wear away, the 12 came and said to him, 'Send the multitudes away that they may go into the surrounding towns and country and lodge and get provisions, for we are in a deserted place here.' But He said to them, 'You give them something to eat.' And they said, 'We have no more than five loaves and two fish, unless we go and buy food for all these people.'"

There were about 5,000 men. And He said to His disciples, "Make them sit down in groups of 50." And they did so and made them all sit down. Then He took the five loaves and the two fish and looked up to heaven. He blessed and broke them and gave them to the disciples to set before the multitudes. So they all ate and were filled, and 12 baskets of leftover fragments were taken up.

So we were talking about a short period of time, maybe the same day. The day John was killed, disciples returned from this short-term missionary journeys, healing the sick, casting out demons. And then when faced with the question of feeding 5,000, none of them showed any faith or any optimism. If God ever needed an excuse to give up on His people, well, He probably had a good one right there. Surely God is going to banish these followers until they learn to believe. But the key is that God is greater than our weaknesses, right?

Second Corinthians 12:9 — God's power is made perfect in our weakness. And so if we're to be God-like, we have to develop perceptions that look past people's weaknesses also. How well do you do, how well do I do at looking past people's weaknesses? Jesus wasn't distracted. He wasn't disillusioned. He wasn't dissuaded by the first impressions the disciples gave. He looked past even what happened at His death, right? To see the good, to see the potential in them.

He sees that in you and me too. He found this is a chance to be their strength and their faith and their teacher, to be an example. So I'd argue, do we approach others that way? Is that what we tend to do?

So with that in mind, look at your life. If logic says put up your fists, Jesus says fill the basin. If logic says bloody their nose, Jesus says wash their feet, right? If logic says she doesn't deserve it, right? Neither do you and I. Perspective.

When we come to God for forgiveness, it's like figuratively putting the filthiest part of our lives into the basin and into Jesus' hands. And we tend to be proud, like Peter, and say, "I'm not that dirty. I don't need you to wash my feet." Or we become like Jonah, right? And we say, "You got to destroy Nineveh, even if they repent. Just wipe them out." We have to get past relying on our first impressions and also let people grow past the impressions they may have formed in us over time, legitimately. Life is about growing, and we have to let people do that just as well as we want them to let us grow.

Principle six: God's timing and priorities are very different than ours. We all know the Scripture, Psalm 90:4, that says, "For a thousand years in Your sight are like yesterday when it is past, and like a watch in the night." And so while we may be aware that God sees things differently than we do, I agree we often overlook that when analyzing God's hand in our own life. That's especially true when life gets challenging, right?

I've divided this section into three parts — it's a cheating way of keeping to seven points, making one into three parts. But they all do connect to this area of God's timing and priorities.

The first part is this, and I'm going to share it with you in the form of a tough question: Do we really want God to go all the way to shape us? Do we really want God to go all the way to shape us?

There was this international flight where the stewardess announced over the loudspeaker for everyone to take their seat. You've all been in one of those situations. Put your seatbelt on. You're about to hit a pocket of heavy turbulence. And most people did it. Some didn't. The stewardess again came to the loudspeaker and stressed the importance of getting back into their seats. Well, one man ignored all this and walked right past her and went to the bathroom.

The captain then came over the loudspeaker and announced, "Would the man in seat 13B who ignored the past request and went to the bathroom please immediately get back into his seat and put on his seatbelt." The embarrassed, angry man came out. But shortly, the plane was bouncing around with some of the heaviest turbulence they had ever experienced. So it embarrassed the man, but it was in his greater good that the captain did this.

Make a connection there. The connection is that God is the pilot in our lives. How do we respond to our pilot? How far do we want God to go in getting our attention? I mean, really want Him to go? Losing your home? Losing your loved one? Losing your job? Treating you like Job? How far do you really want God to go? Our problem is we often look for the signs of God's hand in the wrong place.

We may tell God that if God will collapse a wall of opposition, then I'm gonna fight for the truth, God. Maybe it's a wall of opposition regarding the Sabbath. Yeah, it keeps me from my dream job. So we approach God, right, and we say, "God, if you'll bring down that wall like you did in Jericho, then I will fight for the truth, and I'll have that dream job." But God doesn't give us the job, so we think God doesn't care. Meanwhile, God is breaking down a wall of sin and a wall of pride — not brick, but we're not looking there. That's what we face in this journey of life, isn't it?

It's amazing the lengths that God will go to get our attention. I'd argue the more we don't give Him our attention, the harder the lessons have to be sometimes for us to get humbled, to listen, to not listen to our own voice in our head, but to listen to the facts and what He tells us. And I think that misperception about God due to our short-sightedness is usually captured in three little words: "It's not fair." If you want to say it as four words, "It is not fair," whatever. I contracted it to make it legal.

Next time you think that something you're facing isn't fair, ask yourself: "Do I really want God to go all the way to shape me?"

Second, under God's timing and priorities: God doesn't stereotype us based solely on our current weaknesses, but views working with us as a process, right? God doesn't stereotype us based solely on our current weaknesses, but views working with us as a process.

Turn to Deuteronomy 8, verses 2 through 3. If you didn't know it, the direct route from Egypt to Israel takes 11 days walking. God allowed Israel to take 40 years.

Deuteronomy 8, verse 2: "And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these 40 years in the wilderness to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord."

So God wanted them to reach the Promised Land, but He was far more interested they arrive prepared than soon. That took 40 years.

Do we focus on people's weaknesses or give them encouragement by recognizing their steps in overcoming? Are we Christlike in that way when dealing with people's weaknesses or our perceptions about them and their weaknesses? Are there times in our lives where we really wouldn't want to bend down and wash the feet of a person we're dealing with?

And one of the biggest lessons God is trying to teach His people is to overcome this "we" versus "they" mentality. And it's so easy to do, and it's becoming more systemic in society, I would argue.

God, if you think about it from a church side — God has one flock and He is one shepherd.

If you will turn to Ephesians 4, verse 3: I think the church has a wonderful name, the United Church of God, but we can easily become haughty, thinking God has chosen United to create unity with others. Never in the Bible are we told to create unity. Ephesians 4:3: "Endeavor to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace." We're simply told to maintain the unity that exists. We're not to invent the unity, but to acknowledge it and support it.

And when it doesn't exist, it's not because of God; it's because of humans not looking to the unifying parts of what the Spirit is doing in us or can do in us. And as was mentioned, if you think it's easy, you can just look at the hundreds of split-offs that have occurred over time. Because I assure you that the Book of Life is not going to list other denominations or people's denominations, yet we're quick to point out differences. Is that godly?

And if it makes you feel better, the problem goes all the way back for generations. The Israelites developed this haughty perception of being God's chosen people, right? And that perception played a key role in them not recognizing Jesus. So it ultimately led to, frankly, even the Gentiles being called because there's too much pride in that way. So God says, "It's good. We'll work with other people."

The third part under God's timing and priorities: Just because God allows us to labor and suffer doesn't mean He is not aware. Just because God allows us to labor and suffer does not mean He is not aware.

Please turn to Mark 6, verses 45 through 52.

"Immediately He made His disciples get into the boat and go before Him to the other side to Bethsaida while He sent the multitudes away. And when He had sent them away, He departed to the mountain to pray. Now when evening came, the boat was in the middle of the sea, and He was alone on the land. Then He saw them straining at rowing, for the wind was against them. Now about the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea, and would have passed them. Meanwhile, they were likely asking themselves, 'Why has Christ sent us out in the middle of this storm?'"

Verse 49: "And when they saw Him walking on the water, they supposed it was a ghost, and cried out. 'And immediately He talked with them and said to them, 'Be of good cheer; it is I, do not be afraid.' Then He went up into the boat to them, and the wind ceased, and they were greatly amazed in themselves beyond measure, and marveled, for they had not understood about the loaves, because their hearts were hardened."

So again, put that in context. For four hours, the disciples were struggling on the lake, doing what Jesus told them to do. How unfair. Didn't Jesus care? What they didn't realize is that Jesus knew of their turmoil and was praying for them.

The disciples wanted Jesus to take away their adversity. Where do you want Jesus to just take away an adversity from you, as opposed to learning the lesson along the way? They thought they were ready, for example, to be number one in the kingdom, if you put that into the context of what was going on. Meanwhile, Jesus allowed them to struggle, and He set this example for them by His own suffering — by pulling out the towel and washing their feet, by loving those around Him.

So were the adversities the disciples were facing necessary? We talk about the early perceptions of the disciples, and they clearly weren't ready when they first met Jesus to be spokesmen to the whole world. They needed God's Spirit, they needed humbling, they needed perspective for all of that. They even weren't ready just after He died. And so we can look at the awful ways in which they died and wonder how that reflects God's mercy. Yet God knew what they could take, and He prepared them for what they accomplished.

It's not about this life. We think so much about this lifetime physically, and you look in the Book of Acts and all they did. And so we may condemn the disciples for wanting to be number one, but you know what? They have a very significant role that they're going to have in the kingdom.

You don't need to turn to Revelation 21:14, but it talks about the walls of the New Jerusalem having 12 foundations with the names of the 12 Apostles being on them. That's pretty cool. That's quite an honor.

And the challenges of today may be God's gift to build us for His kingdom. Don't shirk from the opportunity to serve and to learn and to be shaped. Do we see trials this way?

Now, as we conclude, I'd like to leave you with a final principle to consider, and I'm going to phrase it as a question for you to ponder.

Principle seven is this: Could it be that the reason God hasn't fully revealed His plan for the future — especially the period after the millennium and the seventh day, the last great day — is because our perceptions and visions are so shallow and limited that we couldn't grasp it? Could it be that the reason God hasn't fully revealed His plans for the future is because our perceptions and visions are just so shallow and limited that we couldn't grasp it?

I read a story about a man who had several kids. After he got his children ready for their first day of school, he walked to the office. And along the way, he saw this little kid with this shiny backpack carrying a lunchbox, and he said, "Have fun at school." The little girl looked at him in awe because she had never been at school before. It was her first day, her first class, and she didn't know that there were any commonalities to what people look like or anything else. She was just blown away by that.

And I'd argue that our perceptions of what God has in store for us may be just as far off. Can we perceive a lion eating only grass? Right? If you're in the water swimming and this 15-foot great white starts swimming toward you, be a little scary. If you get between a mama bear and their cub, be a little scary. Even if I told you you had no reason to fear in those situations, your adrenaline is gonna pump. You're not gonna go out and tell your child, "Just go up there, sweetie. Play with that black mama snake now. It's all good." That's gonna take us time to see the world differently.

And I think our ability to perceive what God has in store is as hard for us to imagine as the change in animals from meat-eaters to grass-eaters. And that shows how short-sighted our perceptions are. How much beyond our grasp is God's view of what's possible? I think we probably, you know, that's what's possible — not realizing its infinities beyond this of what's actually possible.

And could that be why God doesn't give many examples of what things will be like when we're spiritual? Just like the Sadducees who asked Jesus which of the seven brothers would be married to the wife after the resurrection — our expectations could be equally off. He's like, "You just don't get it. That's just a dumb question."

So I've spent the majority of this message trying to deal with how we perceive others, the errors we can form in developing those perceptions. And that's very important. That's the core of what we're covering and what I hope to share with you. But there's a second aspect to perceptions that we haven't addressed. And that is how we deal with how others perceive us.

All right? How others perceive us. And I absolutely don't have time to fully develop this complex topic, but I also am very uncomfortable finishing this message without touching on it. Because it's important you don't take today's message to mean you can just say people who gain perceptions about us have probably gained false ones and therefore can be ignored for what they perceive. If anything I said is giving you that impression, then you have heard or perceived it wrong.

An essential point that I need to stress is that there is a great deal of value to be learned from how we're perceived, right? There are plenty of wrong perceptions out there, but almost 100 percent of them will be partially or mostly based on fact. We can learn from that stuff.

Turn to Titus 2, verses 6 through 8. How many of you can say you so accurately know yourself? You have such great self-awareness that nobody could share a perception with you that you didn't already know about yourself? Yeah, there's — I love that comment.

Because you remember my work example, right? It's one of these things where it was only after many times that the office staff, including me, could honestly face and learn how we're perceived.

I'm very blessed in marriage. I'm learning things about myself that a partner can only share with you, and I count that a blessing. It's a gift. But it's that thing that we have to view in a way not to see negatively, but see positively. Most people don't recognize how they present themselves to others. And more importantly, other people can help us with the greatest perspective to consider: How does God see us? Right?

Titus 2, verse 6: "Likewise, exhort the young men to be sober-minded. In all these things, show yourselves to be a pattern of good works; in doctrine, showing integrity, reverence, incorruptibility, sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you."

That's a lofty goal. Good luck with that one. But God's perspective of us is the ultimate barometer that counts. And God may be using those around us, even if not always 100 percent accurate, to help us realize where we can grow.

And if we choose to ignore the lessons to be learned from the perceptions of others that we've created, right, we're not truly striving to develop the spiritual fruit of wisdom and character. So clearly not all perceptions are reality, but equally, if we choose to ignore how we're perceived, we're not living in reality.

So today I've focused on helping us to analyze how we develop and retain perceptions about others. How do we expect people to be willing to reach out to Christ coming through us if what they see is somebody who's unbalanced, opinionated, religiously hypocritical, whatever?

Let me finish this by sharing a story. One day a father took his son on a trip to the country with a firm intent of showing him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family. And when they got back from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"Very good, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people can be?"

"Did you learn anything from the experience?" the father asked.

"Yes," chirped the son. "And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden. They have a creek that has no end. We have imported lamps in the garden, but they have stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, and they have a whole horizon."

And when the little boy had finished, his father was speechless, and his son added, "Thanks, Daddy, for showing me how poor we are."

God gave us the ability to perceive, and He created that in us. However, we must use wisdom in how we interpret our perceptions and how we learn from the way others perceive us.