Social Anxiety, Isolation and the Power of Overcoming

Social anxiety is a growing phenomenon. I am amazed at how many people I have encountered over the years how suffer from social anxiety.

I think everyone has some form of social anxiety lurking in their thoughts…  I have social anxieties… you probably have some too. Some people deal with it better than others… I believe addressing social anxiety is a legitimate area of overcoming… and of spiritual development.

So today I would like to briefly discuss social anxiety using the framework of today's popular psychological theories, then explore the same themes through the light of scripture.

The main popular theories are: Cognitive, Evolutionary, and Learned Behavior.

Many of us have an overactive/exaggerated ideas about, the ways others see, perceive, and assess us... We then develop “safety behaviors” (such as avoid eye contact, avoid fellowship, using alcohol to mask or manage nervousness , etc.). Safety behaviors become habits that reinforce the initial overactive beliefs... which in turn reinforce the behaviors... creating a negative feedback loop.

Being highly concerned with what others think of us (or how we might be judged) can be seen as necessary concerns about personal safety (injury, confinement, loss of money, loss of reputation). Often it revolves around our sense of status within a group. People will notice I'm poor, they will stare at my funny nose, they'll think I'm dumb (we tend to evaluate by the criteria of  beauty, then money, and then intelligence).

2 Corinthians 10:7-12 Paul's trial here was not some internal dialog in his head. He knew what people were saying about him. His response was "you opinions and judgment are irrelevant. I am concerned with God's assessment".

1 Corinthians 4:1-4 you do not need to hold yourself to the standards of other people… but beware because you do need to hold yourself to the standards of God and Christ.

If I am ugly... I know God made me in His own image. If I am poor... I know God has expressed His love for people like me many times. If I'm not so smart or poorly educated... God's wisdom makes me wiser than all my teachers.

Real or imagined, addressing the negative inner conversation… and counteracting it  with the reality of God's vision for you... and your participation in it... is the answer.  Perhaps you should make this part things you consider removing from your life, putting away the old person you once were.

We test the spirits... we test and judge our own behavior… let’s also test the self talk. Much of it is not helpful. Its problematic thinking!

If you are overly concerned with what others think of you... God has a therapy plan… God says make the effort to think about others rather than yourself. Thinking of others rather than yourself is actually as good for you and your mental health as it is for the other person. So, it’s a win, win. However, it takes effort…. what people nowadays like to call “intentionality”… which simply means you have to make a plan of action and then do it.

We are biological creatures (made of the dust of the earth). We have obvious survival functions built into our DNA. The theory is that primitive human survival was based on living as a pack formation, or a tribe (alone we are not biologically viable). In such a survival community social status determines, survival and reproduction outcomes (survival of the fittest meant success within the tribe). 

The theory goes on to say that our self preservation instinct is heightened when the stakes are high and our personal identity is on the line: EX. dating (reproduction), public speaking (perception of social rank). Behavioral research indicates we have primordial human antennae for cues about our social status. They are hardwired and highly developed.

But here we are in 2026, some of those cues no longer apply in a self designed agrarian, or urban environment. Yet we still respond to such cues…. so we have to train our mind to ignore some of them... for example; personal space, visual signals of emotion, how our attention is directed, response to threats.

The evolutionary/biological explanation is reinforced by  the presence of instinctive responses (blushing, freezing, avoidance) which are automatic and not matters of choice...  Such things must be genetic, or based on the way the brain is made... I tend to blush, but I have never consciously chosen to blush, it just happens, often at the worst possible time.

But you are not an a mere animal, nor are you just a chemical machine. You are a spiritual creation God is presently working on.

Romans 8:5-8 we have many survival mechanisms built into our flesh. They serve a purpose for material survival. But you are called to spirit life, which is not governed by the same rules. You are called to put on a spiritual way of thinking. Preparation for life everlasting.

Ephesians 4:20-24 to say "this is just the way I am" is not what God wants for you. He wants to create new you… so that might fully enjoy the everlasting life He promises you. Trust that He knows the best way for you to enjoy life. Follow His lead.

Other people see the need to overcome these built in responses. Its not just believers who see the need here. What is different is that you might see the significance of operating on a higher plane and be filled with a greater sense of purpose and perseverance.

2 Timothy 1:7 overcoming fear is one of the works of the great works holy spirit and the power of God working with and within you. (freedom from fear is one of the blessings of spirit born eternal life I am looking forward to a lot).

Which leads to the next theory:

We all adapt and learn, often through painful negative experiences which can lead to Social Anxiety; bullying, abuse, failure. Social Anxiety and “safety behaviors” can also be learned through watching it happen to others (EX. if you lived with a mother, or sibling who was abused, you grew up in a family with substance abuse habits).

The “learned behavior” approach is especially good at explaining why certain events trigger the responses we associate with SA. (that song was popular on the radio when I was bullied at school, now just hearing it makes me anxious). It also explains why experiences of early childhood matter so much.

1 Corinthians 6:12 do not let learned habits dominate and control you.  Even something that is not itself a sin can be a problem.

Social Anxiety is perhaps best seen as resulting from a combination of all the above;

Shall we blame our comfortable world and its disconnection with the biological human?

Shall we blame chemicals, radiation, and pollution have altered the way chemicals in our brains are produced?

Is SA on the rise because of social and family breakdown which have caused so many more situations for trauma and abuse especially among children?

Are we making of bad choices about what we focus our attention upon? The past 15 years of skyrocketing social anxiety track right alongside the past 15 years of skyrocketing use of social media and smart phones... is that just a coincidence or cause and effect (is it providing the ultimate tool for comparing ourself to others)?

I think the answer to all these is YES…

We can look at all these factors and decide "my Social Anxiety is not my fault", "I am not to blame for the world I was born into"… should the ministry just teach you some coping mechanisms while we wait for the nightmare to be over? Should I teach you that Social Anxiety is all in your head… a simple battle of mind over matter.

Social anxiety is real... and it is a real problem. Materially, it will hold you back from leading a full and productive life. At the same time Social Anxiety is up… suicide is up, self abuse, escapism through drugs (illegal and legal), it is affecting the quality of peoples lives. But, let's focus on Social Anxiety as a spiritual challenge... as an arena for our testing... as a challenge for overcoming which God wants us to face... and which He is willing and able to help us with through.

My purpose here is not to shame you. To make you feel bad about your anxieties. To insinuate that it is a form of sin. But I do want to talk about overcoming… and escaping mental prisons.

Deuteronomy 20:8 If you are fearful our Father is kind. He knows some of His people have fear and He makes allowances for them. But, He does not want us to remain in fear. He wants you to do better than just cope… He wants you to be FREE.

Hebrews 10:36-38 It is pleasing to our Father to see us face our fears and overcome. Not every battle is a guaranteed victory...but it is pleasing to Him to see us trying. Not trying is not pleasing.

Revelation 21:6-8 overwhelming fear that keeps us from even trying can affect our acceptance into the kingdom of God. So, its serious business. Fear is the great enemy of faith.

 Philippians 4:13

Social Anxiety could be holding you back, or making your life unsatisfying (on the job, in your social life)... it might also leave you with the nagging suspicion you are not pleasing to Him.

Do you avoid Sabbath attendance, how about travelling to the feast, are you afraid of talking about God’s truth with others, or worry about social rejection because of commandment keeping.

All theories about Social anxiety (cognitive, biological, learned behavior, trauma) advocate some variation of exposure therapy. If you are afraid of eye contact, and its hurting your relationships, the only answer is to begin trying to make eye contact. Start with baby steps and then work your way up the ladder of fear. Practice eye contact with a very safe person (close family, close friend) then in larger groups... then one day perhaps you confront a crowded room of people you don't know.

What just happened?

Something (perhaps long ago) convinced your brain that eye contact would lead to bad things. You seek safety by avoiding eye contact. Repeating that behavior has reinforced the anxiety.. making you more fearful.

Practicing eye contact in safe ways leads your brain up to the edge... and you wonder, "what's going to happen to me"… “will I fall over the edge?” But you do it and nothing catastrophic happens. Your brain starts to re-wire its association of eye contact with danger. You are unlearning and re-learning.

How does this apply to you?

You have to identify your anxious safety behaviors... listen to your self talk...   "everyone will notice my anxiety"... "I might be rejected"... etc. Then test these thought patterns. What's the actual evidence for you imagined reaction? Has it ever actually happened? Think through the more realistic outcome.

What has this got to do with your worship of God? How does this affect how you walk in Christ's footsteps?

Why do I as your pastor care? Why am I asking you to think about this stuff?

Because it is impossible to walk with God without interacting with other people. How can you assemble for a holy convocation if you avoid people? How can you show God the fruits of the spirit in your life if you are always alone? How will you learn to become  forgiving if you are never offended? How will you become a peacemaker if you never face conflict?

To put on the mind of Christ... God asks you to do things... sometimes hard things... usually involving other people. AND He says "Be strong and of good courage, because I am with you".

Psalm 34:17-18 if your Social Anxiety is the result of abuse, bullying, poverty... God is with you and can heal you. But you must work with Him. And He's probably going to put you into some form of behavioral therapy session… expose you to things you try to avoid. We often call these trials.

If you turn back and shy away God cannot help you… you will never be free.

Luke 4:16-19 God wants to set you free from oppression… which may simply be the mental prison you might find yourself in.

I Corinthians 10:13… a couple of relevant thoughts occur here:

 All God asks is that you be strong and of good courage.