Submission in Marriage

I have here, we've been talking about family, and today we're going to talk about submission.

And this last week we talked about the administration of authority, and basically talked to the men in one sense, but a lot of the principles apply to everybody, as we'll bat about submission today. But here are a few stress busters that might be interesting in space, basically directed toward men. Men have three basic hairstyles, parted, unparted, and departed.

As a man ages, his hair usually turns gray, then it turns loose. I don't understand you, you don't understand me. What else do we have in common? The rooster may crow, but it's the hen who delivers the goods. Wisdom doesn't necessarily come with age. Sometimes age just shows up all by itself. And one of the main things about the only thing I've learned in life is life is short.

No man is too big to be kind, but many men are too little.

You never realize what a happy marriage you had until the kids move back, and then it's too late. It's always dark, it's just before the dawn, so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Sign in a building supply store. Custom colors will not be mixed for husbands without express written consent from their wives. Sign posted on a grocery store bulletin board for sale. Complete set of Encyclopædia Britannica. Excellent condition, no longer needed. Wife knows everything. Last week we discussed the administration of authority in marriage. We identified two aspects of government administration of authority and response to authority. In Romans chapter 13, if you'll turn there, we will see that God did ordain the powers that be, that no power, no authority exists without his permission. However, sometimes we get confused and think because there is authority vested in a certain office or person that that is of God. We'll see here from Scripture that all authority is permitted allowed by God, and God can do whatever he wants to do, and he can stop anybody that he wants to stop in their tracks, but oftentimes he lets things run their course and see how we're going to respond to it. In Romans 13.1, let every soul be subject, or you could say submissive under the higher powers, for there is no power but of God. The powers that be are ordained of God. That word, ordained, is taso in the Greek meaning appointed. Whosoever therefore resists the power, resists the appointment of God, and they that resist shall receive themselves judgment. Krima is the word translated judgment, which means, which is translated condemnation, which means judgment.

Now let's notice once again God's authority structure in the family. We've been here to be the third time I know. 1 Corinthians 11. 1 Corinthians 11. God's authority structure in the family. 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3, but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. So if you list it out in hierarchical order, you have God, Christ, man, husband, woman, wife, and then the children. Now, however, God does allow evil men to become leaders in government. There are a lot of husbands who are not exactly saints, and there are a lot of wives who are not exactly saints. But nonetheless, this structure in the family is ordained of God, and the powers that be, the authority powers, are allowed by God. However, let's notice in Hosea chapter 8. Hosea chapter 8.

What God says about Israel here in this particular case, Daniel Hosea and Hosea chapter 8 and verse 1. Set the trumpet to the mouth. He shall come and is an eagle against the house of the Lord because it transgressed my covenant and trespassed against my law. Of course, the Assyrians came and took the Israelites into captivity, 721-718 BC, and there is duality and prophecy. There is a beast power that is going to arise eventually. Israel shall cry to me, My God, we know you. Israel hath cast off the thing that is good.

What thing is good? That is the knowledge and relationship of God and His way and His laws. As it says earlier in Hosea 6 verse 4, My people have forsaken My law. That's a loose paraphrase. They have set up kings but not by Me. But God has allowed it.

Did God set up Adolf Hitler? Did God set up Joseph Stalin? Did God set up Idi Amin? And you could ask several other questions. Did He set up Mao or other rulers that have been responsible for the slaughter of yet even millions through the years? They have set up kings but not by Me. They have made princes and I knew it not. Their silver and their gold have they made them idols that they may be cut off. So you see that God does allow people to be in authority. In some cases, it's like He says He hardly takes note of it, but they are there.

And we always need to understand and live by Acts 529. So these are a few caveats up front with regard to authority. In Acts 529, in the early days of the New Covenant Church after the day of Pentecost, it's recorded in Acts 2 when the Holy Spirit was sent, the apostles, especially Peter, James, and John are the ones usually mentioned who go into the temple area and they teach. They were heavily persecuted by the scribes and Pharisees, those Jews who held office, scribes and Pharisees, not so much by the Roman authorities because the Jews administered basically religious and civil government and could do most things with regard to administration that government except execute the death penalty.

They could beat people as the apostles were beaten at times. You notice here in Acts 5 and verse 29, here the high priest is ordering them. Perhaps we should look at verse 28 saying, "...did not we straightly command you that you should not teach in his name?" See, here's an authority. Here's a person, the high priest that is in office. "...and behold, you fill Jerusalem with your doctrine and intend to bring this man's blood upon us." Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, "...we ought to obey God rather than men." And that's where you...

and we'll mention this later in the sermon as well. Where do you draw the line? Well, that is the main place where you draw the line when it conflicts with the law of God. We ought to obey God rather than men. So let's review the principles of administration that we summarized at the conclusion last week. Realize it's God's authority, not yours. The authority in the family is ordained of God.

You must lay down your life in true agape, spiritual love. Thirdly, you must be under the authority of Christ. Fourthly, you must be meek. Remember Moses, the meekest man upon the face of the earth? Why was he called the meekest man upon the face of the earth? Apparently because when God asked him to lead Israel out of Egypt, he said, Who am I? Who am I that I should do this? So after 40 years in the wilderness, desert, herding sheep and cattle, whatever all he herded, he learned to be very humble and very meek.

You must respect your subjects, wife and children. Remember Solomon's prayer after he became king at a very early age. He said, Who am I that I should be made king over your people so great respecting his subjects? You must not deal harshly. You must provide spiritual and physical nourishment. That is spiritual leadership, spiritual headship. Headship means setting the direction and charting the course for your family. Let's turn to Joshua 24 and verse 15. Joshua, toward the end of his life, he led Israel into the Promised Land.

He sat in the seat of Moses after Moses died, and after Joshua died, no one was appointed to sit in the seat of Moses directly by God at that time. Now we'll read in Matthew 23 that scribes and Pharisees sit in Moses' seat, but there was no person at that time named to sit in the seat of Moses after the death of Joshua. Now why didn't God do that?

It's because of what he wants us to do right now. The ultimate authority, the ultimate king, the ultimate one to whom we owe loyalty and allegiance and obedience and submission is God. And he wanted Israel to look to him as their king and their God.

But of course, they failed miserably. But here, Joshua, in Joshua 24 and verse 15, we need to read 14 as well. Now therefore, fear the Lord, serve him in sincerity and in truth, and put away the gods which her father served on the other side of the river.

And in Egypt, and serve you the eternal. And if it seem evil unto you to serve the eternal choose you this day whom you will serve. Don't be double-minded, wishy-washy.

Whether the gods which her father served that were on the other side of the flood of the river, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell, but as for me and my house, we will serve the eternal. So we must not abdicate our responsibility.

So with that in view, that backdrop review of last week, today I want us to examine our response to authority. We could call it obedience, but there's a word that goes beyond, which we've already used, I believe that goes beyond obedience. Obedience is necessary in a beginning step, but obedience can be mechanical. It can be very methodical. It can be without heart.

But there's a word that includes obedience, but goes beyond to include heart. And I believe that word is submission. Let's use the analogy of honesty and loyalty to illustrate this with obedience and with submission. You can be honest, but not necessarily loyal. Loyalty goes beyond honesty. You could say, I could say, I'm going on a very dangerous mission tonight. And the chance of the probability of you returning alive is less than 50%. You could honestly say, I don't want to go, but would you be loyal? So you can be honest about something, but not necessarily loyal. Loyalty is an extension of honesty, and submission is an extension of obedience. Because what you're wanting from submission is that from the heart. Christ wants us to respond from the heart, from the depth of our being, not just the intellect. And He wants us to do what we do because that's the way we are. See, God is love. God is righteousness. That's the way He is. Me, I have to struggle. I have to struggle. I fight a fight. And oftentimes, I say, why can't I just be that way instead of having to fight to be that way every day?

And you pray that God will create within you a new heart and a right spirit renew. And that He will give you the strength and create within you that new heart. But there is a struggle. But God wants us to come to the point that we do what we do because we're that way. God does what He does because He is love, righteousness. He is light and life. He is truth. And there are no pretenses or ulterior motives with God. He is what He does. And He wants us to become that way too. So, true submission is an attitude, a frame of mind, a way of life, an understanding of who your Lord and Master is. An attitude, a frame of mind, a way of life, an understanding of who your Lord and Master is. And of course, we go back to that structure in 1 Corinthians 11.3. God, Christ, man, woman, children, and so on. And God has defined the roles for all of these.

The Father has a role to play. That is God the Father, just as the human father does in the family. And Christ has a role to play. And He plays that role. He does that role perfectly.

Men, husbands have a role to play. And so do wives. And so do the children.

Submission also has to do with an understanding that God is your defense, your judge, your deliverer. God is your defense, your judge. And when all is said and done, God is your judge, your defense, and your deliverer. And you will not fear what flesh can do to you because you know that your submission is to God and not to man. If you would, look at Psalm 27. This has been set to music. I used to love to hear Roger Bryant sing this song, The Lord is the light of my life.

Whom shall I fear? Psalm 27. The Lord is the light, is my light and my salvation. Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life. Of whom shall I be afraid? When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell. Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear. Though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident. One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple. So, the psalmist says, the Lord is the strength of my life. Whom shall I fear? So that understanding that God is your defense, your judge, your deliverer. In Ephesians 5 and verse 21, specifically concerning submission here, we're instructed here, as we shall see, to submit one to another. Ephesians chapter 5.

So, submission is not just a one-way street of those who hold the office, always giving the orders and someone responding in a submissive way to that. In human relationships, there has to be two-way communication, two-way response. In Ephesians 5 verse 21, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves under your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as we have read from 1 Corinthians 11.3, even as Christ is the head of the church and is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. And then, the instructions to the husband are so paramount and monumental, then the husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. So, laying down his life in sacrificial love.

In Ephesians 6, the discussion of submission is continued. Ephesians 6, 1, children obey your parents. In other words, be submissive to your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. Don't do foolish things that will cause your children to be wrathful. Don't challenge them on things that you don't need to challenge them on. Don't belabor their weak points. Oh, there is a time to say you need to work on this, that, or the other and develop strategies for doing it.

Just to continually harp on a person's weakness is not helpful.

You fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture. And that word nurture literally means discipline, and the word discipline has to do with teaching. Bring them up in the teaching and admonition of the Lord. It means the teaching and admonition of the Lord. Instruct them in the way of God. That's what that verse is really telling you.

Servants be obedient to them that are under your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling and singleness of your heart is unto God.

And see, here's what we said earlier, not with eyes serviced as men-pleasers, but as the servants of Christ doing the will of God from the heart. So once again, when all is said and done, the submission is to God through His structure. And even though you may be submitting to a man and children may be submitted to their parents, that submission is ultimately, if it is according to God's will, it is to God, not just to man.

In Colossians chapter 3 and verse 18, forward to the next book or so, just past Philippians.

In Colossians 3 and verse 18, similar instructions, as we found in Ephesians, wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fitting in the Lord. Now, that word is interesting, that word that is that it is fitting in the Lord.

That word in the Greek is oneko. Oneko means to reach to, to pertain to what is due, to do what your duty is, as it is fitting. In other words, if the Word of God instructs you to submit in a particular way, then that's what you do. But see, it's interesting to note that as it is fitting, as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them.

Children, obey your parents and all things for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger lest they be discouraged. Almost just different words, same principles as Ephesians 6.

Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men pleasers, but in singleness of heart, fearing God.

And whatsoever you do, do it heartedly as to the Lord, and not unto men, knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ. See, that's what it's all about, but people get bogged down in personalities. Well, I'm not going to submit to him, and he's this way and he's that way. Or I'm not going to love her as Christ gave commandment because she has all of these problems, and she does this or that or the other.

One can only understand faith by being in submission and trusting God for deliverance. You know the story well of Abraham and Isaac when he was called on to sacrifice. Isaac, you've heard the story repeated many times. In simplest terms, faith means to believe God and do what He says. So do you believe what God reveals to us, His instruction manual for success in marriage?

Do you believe Him? Do you trust Him that if you do what He says, that eventually it will work to the good in your life and the life of your family?

See, we learn the mind of Christ and we put on Christ through internalizing submission. In other words, coming as He is and as He was in His submission to the will of the Father. Let's note some of this in 1 Peter. 1 Peter 2.

Also touched on this last week as well. We talked about how these two words, acceptable and think worthy in the Greek carus, is grace. And it's one of the ways that you grow in grace is to follow the example of Christ in submitting to that which was before Him. In 1 Peter 2, verse 17, Honor all men, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the King.

Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear, not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward. For this is think worthy. This is carus. This is grace. This is divine favor with God. If a man for conscience toward God, notice what it is. It's conscience toward God. Realizing that God is the one that you are ultimately submitting to and that you're not just submitting to man. That is a very key point in the whole thing about submission. If a man for conscience toward God, the word conscience in simple layman's terms means the knowing within yourself.

The knowing within yourself. Knowing within yourself that it is submission to God. Endure grief, suffering wrongfully. For what glory is it when you're buffeted for your fault you take it patiently, but if you do well and suffer for it you take it patiently. This is acceptable with God. And that word acceptable is carus. It is a Greek word carus which means grace which means divine favor with God. God then, as we shall see more, as we go on, will fight your battles.

Who do you want fighting for you? Of course, we want friends and advocates on every front, but in the ultimate sense we definitely want God on our side. For if God be for us, who can be against us? And is there any greater power than God? Of course not. For even hereunto were you called, because Christ also suffered for us. It says we were called to do this, leaving us an example that we should follow in His steps, who did no sin, neither was guile found in His mouth, who when He was revile, revile not again, when He suffered, He threatened not, but committed Himself to Him that judges righteously.

So Christ knew in the ultimate sense that God would ultimately deliver Him. Who His own self bear our sins and His own body on the tree, that we being dead to sin should live unto righteousness by whose stripes we are healed. Also in 1 Peter 3, this thought continues and it goes from Christ into application into our lives. So as Christ suffered this way, if He submitted Himself in this way, notice how this chapter starts off. There really should be no chapter break because it's a continuation of the thought in chapter 2.

Likewise, you wives be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, that is the husband, obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conduct of the wives. Preaching to the husband generally doesn't bear much fruit. But if you do what you ought to do and they don't respond, then of course blood is upon their heads. While they behold your chaste conduct, coupled with fear, who's adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair and or wearing of gold, putting on apparel, but let it be the hidden man-person of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price.

For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also who trusted in God adorn themselves being in subjection under their own husbands. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amusement. Likewise, you husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as under the weaker vessel, and being heirs together the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered.

And one of the greatest hindrance of prayers in anybody's life has to do with difficulties in your marriage, difficulties in your family. Let not the sun go down on your wrath, seek reconciliation. And the husbands, of course, should lead in that reconciliation.

Continuing in chapter 4, you'll see that 1 Peter, to a large degree, has to do with submitting to the will of God. In 1 Peter chapter 4, for as much then as Christ has suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind, for he that has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin. You see that sin brings on certain consequences, and that if you do certain things, you'll pay a price.

I mean, in most cases, God doesn't even have to intervene, because if you break certain laws, then the natural consequence is going to come about, unless God intervenes and says, well, you have smoked dope, you're an alcoholic, you're this, you're that, you're the other. You're not going to have to pay the price health-wise, because I'm going to remove that from you. Now, he could do that after a person repents and turns to him, they could be healed, but there is consequence to be paid.

You know, it says in Exodus that the sins of the fathers were passed on to the third and fourth generation. So, why are we the way we are? To a large degree, we are the way we are both physically, and when it comes to our health, and to some degree, psychologically, mentally, we're that way because we inherited those traits and tendencies from our parents.

Then, the environment plays a role. Then, our parents and the training that we have received, and you have a whole host of factors that go into making you what you are today. Now, some people learn the lessons, he who has suffered in the flesh is ceased from sin, that he no longer should live the rest of the time in the flesh to the lust of men, but to the will of God. Now, in verse 19, verse 19, wherefore, there's a lot more discussion in this chapter about doing the will of God, let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls, their life essence, to him in well-doing as unto a faithful creator. And once again, there really should be a chapter break. The elders which are among you, I exhort, whom also an elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, also a partaker of the glory that shall be revealed. And that, when it says partaker of the glory there, that's referring to the vision that Peter, James, and John received on the Mount of Transfiguration when they were able to see Christ in a vision coming in glory.

Feed the flock of God, which is among you, taking the oversight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly, not for money, but of a ready mind. Neither is being lords over God's heritage, but being examples to the flock. And when the chief shepherd shall appear, you shall receive a crown of glory that fades not away. Likewise, you younger submit yourselves to the elder. Yes, all of you be subject one to another and be clothed with humility, for God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves, therefore, unto the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due season, casting all your cares on him, for he cares for you. That's one of the greatest scriptures in the Bible. And one of the reasons why we are so weighted on so many fronts is because we try to carry on our shoulders all of our problems, all the problems of our mate, all the problems of our children, our grandchildren, our aunts, our uncles, the world, and everybody else. I mean, you cannot do it.

That is, you cannot solve everybody's problems. Now, we continually talk about reconciliation, and you try to do what you can do, but you can't solve everybody's problems. You know, one of the things, one of the phenomena that's really upon the elderly today, not only do they have their problems, and generally many of them have health problems, they're also saddled with the problems, especially now it seems grandchildren. Not only are the children moving back home, but grandchildren, and they have to take care of them. And of course, it's the time in life in which the children and the grandchildren should be taking care of them. So one of the great keys to success and learning what really matters is to keep the big picture burning brightly in your mind. Submission is not to God, is not to man, but to God.

Submission is not to man, but to God. Of course, man is involved in it, depending on the role, as we've read. Also, keeping in mind, why were you born? Why are we here? What is the ultimate goal? The ultimate goal is eternal life in the kingdom of God. Now, the age-old question that often comes is, won't man take advantage of my submission?

Well, he can, and maybe he will. But this does not do away with your responsibility to love Christ as he gave commandment, or to take on the martyred myrtle complex. There are so many martyred myrtles in the world, thinking that playing the role of the victim is thank-worthy or grace with God. We have so many victims out there, I wonder how many perpetrators we have.

Some people try to provoke others to make them into the victim.

So don't let yourself fall into the trap of playing the victim's role. Those who take advantage of your submission will be dealt with directly by Christ. Let's go to Romans 8, 31. We've already mentioned this, quoted this in a bit different context earlier. But these scriptures here that we're about to read and discuss show you very clearly that God will fight your battles. Of course, we have coming also in the sermon the fact that in a marriage relationship, you're not to just be in that relationship and take abuse psychologically, mentally, physically, spiritually, and not say anything, not do anything. That's not God's way. That's the disobedience to the commandments, which says if you have ought against your neighbor or a problem, go and be reconciled. In Romans 8, 31, what shall we say then to these things, if God be for us, who can be against us?

There's one little girl, prayed one time, the Lord is my shepherd, and that's all I need.

He that spared not his own son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things? Who shall lay anything to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifies. Who is he that condemns? It is Christ that died, yea, rather that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. So we have an advocate, as it says in 1 John chapter 2 verses 1 and 2. If any man sin, he has an advocate with the comforter, the patoclitos, with Christ, who is our advocate, who makes intercession for us. Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or peril or sword?

And now we come to one of the key verses in the whole Bible, because this has to do with the internalization of submission. I would pray to God that I should one day reach this status totally and completely, and have the kind of peace of mind which I know that this brings.

As it is written, for your sake we are killed all the day long, we are counted as sheep for the slaughter. Now the way to put this in layman's terms in one way is to just simply say, anything that we get above death is a gift, because the wages of sin is death.

But the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. So we take on this humble status as a sheep being led to the slaughter. I'm not aware that the one who herded them out there on the trail, and who fought off the wolves and all the other predators who led them to water and fed them, is going to take their life. They're going to slaughter them. But they innocently go, and they're slaughtered.

Have you ever thought about being as a sheep led to the slaughter?

Reaching that kind of state of mind and submission where you are so stayed upon God and his promises that you know he is your deliverer. The bottom line is when all is said and done, God is our deliverer. The Psalms are replete with the theme of God's deliverance.

And keep in mind the verse right above here in Romans 8, 28, right here while we're in Romans 8. For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God to them who are called according to his purpose. So if you truly submit from the heart, Christ will fight your battles. Those who slaughter the sheep will fall into the hands of the living God. And as it says in Hebrews 10, verse 31, it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. God is our defense. Let's go to Psalm 59. Psalm 59. Psalm 59, verse 9. Psalm 59, verse 9. Because of his strength will I wait upon you, for God is my defense.

Verse 16. But I will sing of your power, yes, I will sing aloud of your mercy in the morning, for you have been my defense. And verse 17. Unto you, O my strength, will I sing, for God is my defense and the God of my mercy.

So submission according to the Word of God makes God your defender.

I mean, if you don't get anything else out of today, just this simple statement. Submission is not a matter of outward form, but it is submission according to the Word of God. And a submission according to the Word of God makes God your defender. He's the one who will ultimately fight your battles. Now, in this life, people develop various kinds of relationships.

And there is a danger in being too dependent upon another person, to the point that where you are so dependent upon that person, you may think, well, really, I'm being submissive to that person. But you develop a dependency that is unhealthy.

If you expect a person to make you happy, you will be endlessly disappointed.

The old Roger Miller's song is pretty well true.

You can't roller skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you're a mind to. And he goes on with several other things. You can't do this or that or the other, but you can be happy if you're a mind to. Now, other people can bring us happiness.

But when all is said and done, once again, true happiness comes from God and from Christ and realizing that you are in their will and doing what they expect you to do. And one of the aspects of dependency is that it is generally unconcerned with spiritual growth.

They're really blinded to the big picture. They have an addictive personality.

They're interested in their own nourishment.

That and no more.

They desire to be filled. They desire to be happy, but they don't desire to groan, nor are they willing to struggle and suffer and pay the price necessary for growth. And oftentimes, submission is a part of that.

Trials, confrontations, and difficulties are necessary for growth.

And oftentimes, dependent people are not concerned about the growth of their mate or others. They care only that the other is there to satisfy their needs. So that's why you get that addictive, codependent kind of relationship. And when they perceive that their mate or others are not able to satisfy their needs, they have no useful.

And so one of the main reasons why a lot of marriages fail in this day and age has to do with this fact that addictive personalities and codependent people marry one another.

And they think that the other person is going to fulfill them and meet their needs. And as long as they've got that other person, everything will be all right. But they get in the marriage, they realize that no human being in and of themselves can make you whole. And many psychologically and spiritually immature persons develop a codependent relationship with a person who is also immature in the psychological and spiritual sense.

They're both hurting and somehow they mesh and mutually reinforce each other's immaturity.

Life in the world has mistreated them, and they don't understand that you can't make a unified one out of two crippled halves. You really need two whole ones to equal one in the biblical sense. Two wholes become one, not two halves, not two immature emotional cripples.

Submission does not mean silence and toleration of evil. Afraid he will blow up. Don't walk on eggshells and live in fear.

You don't trust him to respond correctly, so you hide things from him. Because you're afraid he will blow up and you're just too weary to deal with it.

So you actually hold him in contempt. I can't tell him he'll blow up. That's all we'll hear tonight.

The kids will be crying. The dogs will be barking. The telephone will be ringing. And oh, everything! I can't stand it. So I'm just not going to tell him. Because you don't trust him, really, to handle it correctly. So you walk on eggshells. That's not what God intended.

Submission does not mean that the wife remains piously silent. Oh, I'm the perfect wife. I've never raised my boss. I've always been submissive to my husband. I've never gone across not anything. I've never crossed him in any way. Because he, after all, he's the perfect husband. He's always made perfect decisions. And I'm the perfect wife.

I have yet to meet those two people.

Submission means that you put yourself wholly at the disposal of the person who has set over you. In other words, I'm yours. Like, in being submissive to God and Christ, that's what we say. I surrender myself to you. I surrender my all to you. I surrender, I submit, and I serve you. So whatever talents and abilities that I have, I'm turning them over to you. I'm at your disposal, as it were. So if a wife holds her thoughts and her feelings on a matter, doesn't express them, she is being less than submissive because she's not putting her input at her husband's disposal. He doesn't know what she thinks. He doesn't know how she feels.

And that's one of the main things that men, and I'm sure I'm as guilty as anybody, that being in touch with another person's feelings and being in touch with your wife's feelings, so you have to be in touch with your wife's feelings. Once again, true submission is to God and not to man because God ordained the authority submission structure. So if there is conflict, so if you have input, you have thoughts, and I mean, if you're afraid he's going to blow up and spoil dinner or whatever else he spoils, then you know that you've got a problem and you know that it needs to be dealt with. So there are steps that we all must take in reconciliation. Let's go to 2 Corinthians chapter 5 verses 18 through 20. The husband needs to be the one that takes the lead in the reconciliation process. We mentioned this last week. He is the leader. He is the head of the house, but let's say that he doesn't take the reconciliation process. And we're talking with really two things here. Not walking on eggshells and giving your input and not being afraid. And at the same time, if there is a disagreement, that you work it out, that you go toward reconciliation. 2 Corinthians 5, 18, and all things are of God, who reconciles himself by Jesus Christ and is given to us the ministry of reconciliation. That's one of the main things we're supposed to serve in, is reconciliation.

To know that God was in Christ reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them, and had committed unto us the word of reconciliation. So we all need to work toward reconciliation continually. Matthew 5, verse 9. Matthew 5 and verse 9. Once again, we really need to read and study what we call the Beatitudes, the Sermon on the Mount, and internalize just the internalization. If we could all internalize these points of the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes, as they're called, what a different world! Matthew 5, 9, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God. Are we indeed peacemakers? Now notice Matthew 5 and verse 23. Matthew 5, verse 23.

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has ought against you. Some people read over this and say, well, you mean my husband is my brother?

He's your brother in Christ. My wife is my sister. She's your sister in Christ. Supposed to be at one. So why wouldn't you follow the biblical admonitions and commandments here with regard to reconciliation in the family? You think it just applies to people that you're not married to?

Are the people outside the family? Or should it apply there first?

If you bring your gift to the altar, and of course, prayer is in the New Testament listed as one of the main sacrifices, and it is one of the main spiritual sacrifices that we offer up to God. If you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that you have ought against your brother, or he has ought against you, leave there your gift before the altar.

So this takes it from the perspective of if you think that someone has ought against you. Now, the Matthew 1815 is a bit different. It says, if your brother offend you, you definitely know there's something there. Here, it's if you think, well, you come to church, so and so hasn't spoken to you in several weeks. Pass right by. Never even lift the eye. What's wrong? Is it me? Is it him? Or is it just?

They don't mean anything by it. But usually in the in the family, we know.

Generally, we know that there's something wrong that's nagging, that's gnawing, that's aching in the back of our mind. It says, verse 24, leave there your gift. Get off your knees. If you're on your knees before the altar and go the way first, be reconciled to your brother, then come and pray or whatever your sacrifice might be.

In Matthew 18 verse 15, that we've referenced three or four times already, that everyone in here basically knows. Matthew 18 15, if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he shall hear you, you gain your brother.

If he will not hear you, then take with you one or two more.

That in the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established. If he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church.

But if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto you as a heathen and a public.

Now, applying that in a practical sense in marriage can become quite difficult.

As I mentioned last week, I think as well that oftentimes when it comes to problems like this in marriage, where there is an offense or where there's the thought that something is wrong between you, it's generally the woman who will take action first. And oftentimes she does it by confiding in a friend. And then the friend who confides in a friend who confides in a friend, and it's all over everywhere. That's not what the Bible says to do. Now, if you have a confident, and I would say generally in most cases with most women, my experience is it's their mother, their mother they can trust. So if you have to have a confident, a sounding board, you're maybe your mother or your daddy is a place to start who can give you sage advice and counsel. And then eventually you've got to confront the person, your mate. You've got to talk with them. If they won't hear, then it says to bring somebody else. And I would oftentimes, how many people in marriage counseling have I entered into in the course of nigh on to 40 years? A lot. A lot. And in most cases, it is a wife who calls first. And my brother did not not to be so.

And I think it's because we've emphasized obedience so much and submission that a wife gets the idea that she's just supposed to walk on eggshells, try not to cause any trouble, try not to make any waves, and just grin and bury it as they say.

But God has not called us to wrath. He's called us to peace and to make peace.

And we want to have that peace that can only come from God. There's a difference between submission and servitude. Marriage is not a master-slave relationship. Now, our attitude toward Christ should be that of a bondservant. But Christ does not treat us as a servant, as a slave. Look at Matthew 15, 13. Matthew 15, 13. Back a few pages. In Matthew 15, verse 13. I'm sorry, it's John 15, 13. John 15, 13. In John 15, 13.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends. Now, we are to be bondservants. But Christ says here, you are my friends, if you do whatsoever I command you. Henceforth, I call you not servants. For the servant knows not what his Lord does, but I have called you friends. For all things that I've heard of my father, I may know none to you. All things it says. How many husbands go do whatever usually is in the realm of spending money. Some go buy a new car, come home and spring it on the wife. She's wondering whether they're going to get the rent money or the mortgage money for next month.

And he buys a new car and she doesn't even know anything about it. Of course, that may be extreme, but you can probably think of many examples. So, submission is not servitude.

Christ doesn't treat us as a slave. Now, here are some of the advantages of submission to women by extension to all of us through God and Christ. There is protection. A woman is subject to physical attack and abuse by neighbors, salesmen, children, and she's depending upon her husband to protect her from emotional attacks from all quarters.

And a husband needs to ensure that she is protected and respected. Respect women and motherhood. Everyone needs to learn that to respect women and motherhood. Children will treat the opposite sex the same way that their role model does. Now, let's go back to 1 Corinthians 11. 1 Corinthians 11 and verse 10. It speaks of protection here and the symbol that God uses. And if you want to argue with God, go ahead, argue with Him.

But He uses hair as a symbol of whether or not a woman is in subjection or submission. And He uses hair also as a symbol for the man to show that he is the man and the one responsible for the leadership.

Verse 9 in 1 Corinthians 11. Neither was a man created for the woman, but the woman for the man for this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. What does it mean because of the angels? Because, you know, it says in Matthew, talking about the children, it says, the angels also always behold their faces. That we do have, it may not be as the world might call them, guardian angels, but God sets His angels roundabouts. And it says that very clearly in the Bible, in Hebrews 1, 14, that angels are ministering servants sent to the heirs of salvation.

So because of the angels, because of that protection, not just the protection of men, but supernatural protection.

You know, just a few miles from here, not all that long ago, a young lady out in the parking lot in front of Catherine's is abducted, spirited away somewhere, senselessly murdered. The guy wanted her car. What he says is mode was not to say that God would intervene every time, but who knows how many times God has intervened for you, for our wives, for our mothers, for our daughters, for our children, and for us personally.

This is what it says, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is a man without the woman, neither woman without the man in the Lord. Or as the man is of the woman is of the man, even so the man also by the moment, but all things of God. Judge in yourselves, is it calmly, is it fitting that a woman pray unto God uncovered? And that means with her hair too short.

Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him? So, one of the benefits of submission is protection. Not only physically, but also spiritually. Let's go to 1 Timothy 2, verse 13. 1 Timothy 2, verse 13. For Adam was first formed in Eve. Adam was not deceived. So, in some ways, it seems that Adam has the greater sin. He was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression, notwithstanding. She shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety. Now, you go back up to verse 9.

And like men are also that women adorn themselves with modest apparel, with shame-facingness and sobriety, not with broidered hair or gold or perils or costly array, but which becomes women professing godliness with good works. Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. So, being in subjection to the husband helps to ensure the woman, if the husband is on the right footing with God, helps to ensure that she be not deceived.

Now, when couples leave the church, who is it that generally leads the way? I would say in most cases it is the man.

So, even though this verse is here and surely it's true, what it says is true that the woman should learn from the man and the man should protect her spiritually from deception. Adam did not protect Eve. He wasn't deceived! But when all is said and done, whether you're male or female, you stand before the judgment seat of Christ. So, if your husband wants to take a turn for the worse spiritually, that doesn't mean you have to follow him, even though this verse is here and surely this verse is true. And that is his duty. That is his responsibility.

But you will be judged individually and specifically yourself, and we'll all have to stand before the judgment seat of Christ. So, it is now 1 Corinthians 14 and verse 32.

1 Corinthians 14 verse 32.

This ties in with the verse that Mr. Corley read in the sermonette. If any man speak, let him speak according to the oracles of God.

And you notice here in 1 Corinthians 14 and verse 32, 2 And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets.

In other words, when the prophet speaks, it must be in accord to what the spirit has led him to speak.

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. Let your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience, as says the law. And of course, we have had a lot of discussion over the years with regard to, can a woman teach? We've come to the conclusion that this does not have to do with women teaching children in Sabbath school. It does not have to do with a woman writing articles. We've had women writing articles in the plain truth, the good news. Back when Mr. Armstrong was alive, I know that Mrs. Hay, Dr. Hay's wife Isabella, was one of the pioneers in this area of writing in the church's publications. But as far as teaching in the doctrinal sense and giving sermons and closing and opening prayers and that kind of thing. And if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home, for it is a shame for women to speak in the church. Well, in today's world, the past several years, along with some other scriptures, we don't generally don't touch on this. We might offend somebody. This is what the Bible says. Can you justify it from some other perspective? The way the world tries to justify it is the culture has changed. We're in the days of women's liberation. See, I'm taking it from a bit of a different perspective, in the sense that even though it may say this, and surely this is what we try to abide by, it doesn't mean that you are not responsible. You need to examine everything that I say, and anybody else says, according to the Word of God, whether you be male or female. Verse 37, If any man think himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things that are right unto you are the commandments of the Lord. But if any man be ignorant, let him be ignorant. Wherefore, brethren, desire covet to prophesy and forbid not to speak in languages, and let all things be done decently and in order.

We have come to that point, brethren, where we need to understand how to administer authority, and we need to understand what submission is all about. Hopefully we've given some insight into the administration of authority and response to authority submission to keep these principles in mind. Now next week, I hope to have some handouts to illustrate very specifically things to do with regard to these things. And also, the plan next week will be to speak on family communication.