The Ten Commandments of a Perfect Marriage

The title of the sermon today is... I have not given this sermon in seven years, I think. The title is, The Ten Commandments of a Perfect Marriage. The Ten Commandments of a Perfect Marriage. We actually have two young ladies sitting here today that will be getting married this summer. So I thought it was a good time. We also have newer people who are attending church. We also have people who have been married a very long time. I have been married 30 years, this September. Who's got me beat? Berto? 59. I'm a babe compared to him. Okay? So now you know who to go to when you need to. Talk about marriage. There's also something else here, though, that I wanted to talk about because we have single people. We have divorced people here, brethren. And in today's world, marriage is not considered sacred. It just isn't. As a matter of fact, the median age for marriage has changed dramatically over the last generation or two. Anybody care to guess what the median age of a man getting married today is? No. 29. 29. The median age for a young lady that's in the United States is 27. Now, I bring this out because the title is 10 Commandments of a Perfect Marriage because we look around us today and guess what? Over 50% of the people getting married today will be divorced within seven years. That's a sad statistic. It's not what God intended. But there's something even deeper than the physical part of marriage that we brought out today. And that is that even those who are single, you will be married again. Because basically, there is a marriage that will happen that is called the marriage supper. And so each and every one of us are preparing to marry Jesus Christ as the body of Christ, as the church is the body of Christ. We will marry Jesus Christ, and the kingdom will then proceed for eternity. It is very important for us to understand that not only the 10 commandments that I will go over apply to our physical marriages, it applies to our relationship with Christ. It applies to each and every one of us in this room if we plan to live forever as the bride of Christ once we are married to Him. There is a conflict, though. You find it in Corinthians 7, verse 32. Well, Paul actually says it is better not to marry. Now, I'm sure there are a lot of people in this room that might agree wholeheartedly with him and have not had a good marriage or had a failed one. That we know of record. Matter of fact, there became a disagreement between myself and another elder at the Council of Elders because he actually brought out that he thought that Paul was married, and I disagreed. So I guess we won't find out until he gets back. But, until Christ comes back and Paul is here, he can tell us. But I want you to take the 1 Corinthians 7, because that's kind of Paul's instruction on marriage. And you have to look at the context in the time in which he was speaking. You have to look also at who he was talking to. The Corinthians, hopefully you'll understand what they were like. And their society, which was the most paganistic city or area, probably on earth at that time. And he also had the perspective of his whole life was in the serving guy. That's all he cared about. It was his focus, night and day, day and night. And to him, that was what was very important. But with that in mind, I'd like you to write down. I started to write these down today and hand them to you. So hopefully you can write these down and not miss out. Because I have 10 commandments and that gives me less than 5 minutes per commandment. The very first commandment of the 10 commandments of a perfect marriage is, number one, marriage is a trinity.

Marriage is a trinity.

Now, if you've studied our doctrine and you've studied the Bible, you realize that, oh, we do not believe in the doctrine of the trinity, where there is God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit are actually three persons all in one.

But I'm not saying that. I'm saying that marriage, a perfect marriage, is a trinity that consists of your mate, God in the middle, and yourself.

Husband, wife, and God in the middle.

That is perfect. We don't always have perfect in this world today, though, do we? But it is very important. I'd like you to turn to Genesis 2.

I'll read from the New King James today. Genesis 2.

Genesis 2, verse 19.

Isaiah the apostle Just to the conclusion that in the majestic mind of God, he brought these animals in pairs to Adam to name. And as the two cows came by, the male and female, and the other birds came by, and all these things came through, Adam all of a sudden realized, where's mine? There's none comparable to me. And so it says, and then in verse 21, And the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of the ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. The first surgery ever performed on earth by the master surgeon, the great physician.

And said, verse 22, Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman. How he did that? I don't know. I'm looking forward to find out. Just take this rib and go, and out comes this beautiful creature. And he brought her to Adam, brought her to the man, and Adam said, wow! And this is now bone of my bones. He knew what happened. And flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. One flesh, two. They become one flesh. And then in verse 25 it says, And they were both naked. Naked in Hebrew actually means to be bare, to show all. So here these two people were Adam, Eve, and God. And they were not ashamed. But something happened. The perfect marriage has Adam and Eve and God in the middle. But something happened, and we all know the story, don't we? Because something came between Adam and Eve, and we know it was Satan. The serpent came between them.

And when they were confronted with this sin, they each blamed. Eve blamed the serpent. And what did Adam do? He claimed his wife. And man's been doing that ever since. Right? I can't find this. Where did this... I put my clothes over here. Where are they at? I knew she moved them. Basically, it's because she didn't like them in the middle of the floor. And most of you understand that. Marriage, the perfect marriage, must have God in the middle. Is God in the middle of your marriage?

He must be. We must look at His Word. Because all arguments can be settled. I have this come up fairly often when someone asks me. They may have a phone call. I may get a phone call from either a website or from a TV show. And they'll ask me this question about some biblical question. And I have to ask them the first question.

Do you believe that the Word of God is the foundation of all knowledge? Do you believe that you live by this? Can we agree upon that this is the final Word? If they do not, there's no reason in arguing. There's no reason in talking. Because you have no ground stand on it. Your opinion and their opinion. I even had a call yesterday. I had a call yesterday from my wife of a man in a church. And it was a disagreement.

They're not in this area. And so she wanted my opinion. Because I knew them both. Respect them both. And I said, I cannot give you my opinion. Because that's all. It's not worth much. But I can tell you what the Word says. And the Word is what's important. And so I sent her back to the Word. And said, when you want to talk to your husband, take the Word. Because he is a godly man. And he will listen to that.

The problem in marriage today is there's no god. In most of the United States. He's some figure that's up there somewhere. And that is a problem. That is why marriage, the perfect marriage, is a Trinity. Will you still have issues and problems? Yes. Mary and I do occasionally. One of us, a lot of times it's me, has bad attitude or opinion. And this always brings us back to the right attitude. Because God knows everything. God is sovereign. He is over our marriage and He blesses our marriage. And that's why He, as we'll look in just a little bit later, one of the greatest days that God will ever have is when His Son marries the Church.

And we have that opportunity to be the bride. And we have the opportunity to live as the perfect future mate of Jesus Christ. So the first commandment, marriage is a Trinity. Perfect marriage. If you think you can have a perfect marriage without God, you are mistaken. Number two, remember daily two words. Remember daily two words. One flesh. One flesh. When we have marriages where we have quite a few, where one mate is in the Church and the other one is not, that happens.

The responsibility of the one in the Church is tremendous because you represent God. That's a tremendous burden. But it's also what a wonderful blessing because you have the opportunity.

Because most mates that are married or a relationship where someone is not in the Church, they typically do not read the book very often. But you have the opportunity to live the book for them. Which to me, in my thinking, will bring incredible reward from God. Because it's something, it's one thing to read, it's another thing to live it. But remember daily two words. One flesh. We talked about back in Genesis, but I'd like you to turn to Mark 10. Like you turn to Mark, and Mark 10, we have Jesus Christ speaking about this. Mark 10. And here the Pharisees want to put Christ on the spot about divorce and marriage. And they had gotten to the place where they made their own rules and laws, however they wanted to, the Pharisees did. And they actually, excuse me, they actually made it so that it was so easy for a man to get a divorce. They made it so hard on the woman. They made it so easy for a man that even if your wife that you married made you one meal, cooked one meal that you didn't like, it was a reason for a divorce. They actually exist. Found any reason they could, they just wanted the freedom. And in Mark 10, verse 2, The Pharisees came to him asking, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife? And then it says, testing him. He answered and said to them, What did Moses command you? They said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and to dismiss her. Was there anything in here about the woman? If he was a lousy husband? Not a thing. All they did was care about me. Jesus answered and said to them, Because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote you this precept. It was because of the way they acted, rather than to just cause all this grief. But he also gave a reasons, legitimate reasons. Not because you burnt my toast. Not because of irreconcilable differences, as we have today. But then he said in verse 6, But from the beginning of the creation, Adam and Eden, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. Leave and cleave. Doesn't mean that you go back and live with the family. No, you were... the two were to become one. And you are now a family. And then he said in verse 8, And the two shall become one flesh. So then they are no longer two, but one. When you become one flesh, you learn to give as you've never learned to give before. You learn to compromise as you've never had to compromise before. Because all of a sudden, you are to be one. Not two. I want to go do this. You go do this. No, it becomes you do things together. You spend time together. You care what's someone else. My wife has to sometimes remind me. Because I will sometimes just... I get a phone call or I have something on my notes, and I have to go leave the house. And she wants to know where I am. Where I'm going. You know what human nature says? None of your business where I'm going. I'm a grown man. I'm taking care of business. Why should you?

Why should you care? Go fix my dinner. See, that's the human nature in us. And that's what causes these problems. See, she cares because we are the one flesh. Now, if something happens in one of you, you are to call me and say, I need a very confidential meeting. I really need to talk to you about something. I don't want anybody to know it. Then I would tell Mary, I can't tell you, but I'll be back. Here's what time I'll be back. See, that's so different because when Mary and I got married 30 years ago, this September, me and the guys, we had ballgames to go see. We had beers to have, lunch, play ball.

And it wasn't the same because I didn't really understand this. Because my attitude and too many attitudes in the world today have it, I've got my life and she's got her life and just when we're at home, then we're together. That's not what God said. You become one flesh to where this man over here and his bride of 59 years can tell you, you begin to answer each other's questions before they're even asked. You begin to think like them. You begin to think about them. This is what it is about. This is that one flesh. It doesn't automatically happen when you get married and you consummate the marriage. It doesn't just happen that, oh, oh, it does for the first week or two or month or even first year. Oh, I just love being around you. I can't stand to be away from you and then a year or two later, I can stand to be away from you. Okay? But you see, God planned it so these two become one. And you want to spend time around each other. See, this is why we need to concentrate on being the bride of Christ. Because, you see, it will reflect in your own personal marriage. Because if you start thinking about Christ and you all of a sudden begin to say, I don't really need this book. I don't really need to study. I don't need His Word. I'm doing fine. What's going to happen to your relationship with Christ? I can guarantee you one thing. He's not going to marry someone that He cannot be one flesh with. That doesn't love Him. Because we all, in a marriage ceremony, we say we will love. I should have brought my little marriage thing. That you will cleave and you will forsake all others.

In sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. This is why the one flesh is important. And Christ knew it. Because Christ was there, that's the whole purpose.

When you learn to give, and when you learn to share, and when you learn to compromise and not have your way every time, if two people are doing that, your relationship is going to work. But I've talked to and counseled people where that situation is, one has just taken advantage of the situation like no tomorrow.

They don't give, they don't compromise, they don't share. And I've seen people like that in God's church. And their relationship with God is non-existent.

Number three.

Thou shalt not assassinate your mate's character. Thou shalt not assassinate your mate's character. The Ten Commandments of a Perfect Marriage. Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5 and verse 22. It said, wives submit to your husband, to your own husband, as to the Lord. Boy, that's tough! What if he's a jerk?

Right? What if he's a loser?

The actual Greek word there is for submit, as I've said it before when I went through James, hypo tasso. Hypo, meaning below or under. Tasso means to arrange. So you actually arrange yourself to be under. You set yourself to be under, to submit. That is so important because there's a lesson. We said when we were baptized, we said that we would obey this word, that we would submit to these words. We would arrange or set ourselves under Jesus Christ.

So he said, wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church. And he is the Savior of the body. He died for his bride. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands. Then something even stronger comes out of this letter that most men do not even understand. And this is why, to me, my opinion. This is why so many marriages fail. It's because of the husband and not the wife. And here's why. It says, husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church.

See, the pressure is on me, not on Mary. Because, okay, she's going to submit to me. But you see, that takes a lot. And that's why marriage is such a big deal. That's why it's so important that you find the right mate. Because now, this Scripture puts me as Jesus Christ. I have to live up to that standard. And, brethren, I can't do it.

And if it wasn't for him, I would feel like a failure every single day. But I count on him and say, let this mind be in me that was also in you. Philippians 2. I want to treat her. I know what Christ did. He was willing to die for his bride. How many men? They may say, oh, I'm not your... Yes, I'll die for you. But I'm not going to pick up my clothes for you. Right? How many sounds silly? Oh, I'm not going to go...

You know, that's your work. I'm not going to do that. Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church. Do I love my wife as much as Jesus Christ loved the church? No! And that's on me. I should do everything that Christ did for his bride. And then what happens? You think she's not going to love me? If she knows that everything that I... every decision I make, everything that I do is with her best interest in mind.

That I'm willing to give up what I want to do, what I might think I want to do for whatever she wants. And she does the same thing. How can you fail? You can't because you're both giving just like Jesus Christ.

There is no individuals in a marriage. There's one. And that's what's so important. Verse 26, That he might sanctify or set apart for a special purpose, and cleanse it with the washing of water by the Word. We were washed when we were baptized. We were cleansed by His Word. We live by His Word now. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. That's what we're trying to do here, brother.

Individually, but we come together on the Sabbath as a church, as a body, as the bride of Christ, to inspire each other not to sit here and go, like, you know, that's... I didn't like what he said about that. I don't like the food that she brought today for potluck. See how petty that sounds? See, with God, everything like that is petty because it's all about building each other up. When we do what we're supposed to as a church, we built this church up and Jesus Christ...

See, He's waiting for the Father to say, time is ready. But when He has such a bride to come to, you know, Jesus Christ is going to say, Dad, let me go. I'm ready to marry that my bride. If you remember how it was a week or two before your marriage, you were just like, oh man, I wish you would go ahead and get here. You were so excited. Why? You would have pictures. I kept pictures of Mary. And it was like, I look at Him before I went to bed at night, I'm going to marry that thing. It doesn't sound too good right now, but at the time, to me, it sounded pretty good.

See, Christ is looking forward to this marriage. God is. This has been going on for five, six thousand years.

That's a long time to be engaged.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his wife loves himself. It's that one flesh again.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourish it and cherish it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of His body, of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And then He says this incredible verse, verse 32, This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let his wife see that she respects her husband. See, I respect Jesus Christ. I respect those words. That's why I try to read them, because I realize how much He cared for me. He died for me. He was beaten for me. Everything He did was for me. And I can't do that for Mary. And I don't deserve to be in the body of Christ.

This is a great mystery. See, if people really realize that this is the model, brethren, we are the model. The body of Christ is the model for the physical marriage.

This is what the plan is.

That's why our marriage is so important.

Christ empowers a church. He builds it up. He doesn't tear it down. Do we build up our mates? Or do we tear it down? Revelation 19, verse 7, you should all have in your memories. Revelation 19, verse 7, just a verse. Turn over there as we look ahead to this time. Greatest time on earth. Greatest time in our future when we will just be something we'll never forget.

Revelation 19, verse 7, said, Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. That is us.

Are we making ourselves ready? Are we learning to compromise even in our own marriage? Are we learning to love? Are we learning to share? Are we learning that to be the type of person that other people can look at and say, I may not agree with that person, but what incredible character.

I can trust them no matter what.

I think about, and I won't mention the name just in case it ever gets out, I was very... Mary and I had been married for about four or five years, and we were invited over to these people's home. They were in the church. He was a deacon. She was a deaconess. They'd been married for 30-40 years probably at that time, and I had just started my business and been going for two or three years, I guess at the time, and so he had been a businessman at one time or in some type of business. I didn't know, but he was sitting there telling me what I should do and what I shouldn't do and so forth. And I did have respect for him since I was a kid, but then he got up and he left and went out to the car to get something, and his wife comes in, and I'll never forget these words, because I thought, you know, here they've been married. She said, don't listen to that old fool.

She said, he never had a good business. He went broke in everything he did. Last thing you want to do is listen to him. She said, I've had to.

And you know, that as being a younger married couple, I mean, I don't remember whether Mary was even in the room, I think she... But it just, wow, is this what marriage is going to be like? Is this what I'm going to be after 30 years? Mary's going to say, don't listen to that old fool.

That's not what we need to be. That's why it's so important.

Thou shalt not assassinate your mate's character. I'm there to build her up.

I'm there to build Jesus Christ up. When somebody says something that I don't like, I usually tell them.

That's what our job is.

Number four. Thou shalt not forget why you married your mate.

Thou shalt not forget why you married your mate. So many people after so many years in the church, they forget why they were even baptized. They forget this passion that they had. They forget the stirring that was within them to be baptized and receive God's Holy Spirit and to look to Christ to lead them into the kingdom.

Thou shalt not forget why you married your mate. For those who are married, you remember what you...

Why you married them?

Janae does.

Right? You see her smiling.

So many people can. You can remember why you married your mate. That twinkle that was in your eye. That's just like, wow!

Right, Louis? You remember?

Yes. Louis, you remember your wife. There was that sparkle. There was this excitement. There was this energy. There was this passion.

You remember the sitting down before you were married, just after you were married, the plans and the future, you would map out. Are you going to have kids? Are you not going to have kids?

Where do you want to live? Will we have this home someday? It's just like all these future plans.

And see, that's the same way with Christ.

He has these plans for us.

For eternity.

We should be excited about that.

Malachi 2.

Malachi 2.

Malachi 2.

And verse 13.

As God is addressing the priest here, the ministry, here at the time, Malachi.

And he says this, I have, you know, he's telling him what he doesn't like about them.

And he says in verse 13, and this is the second thing you do. You cover the altar of the Lord with tears and weeping and crying, so he does not regard the offering anymore. Notice he receive it with good will from your hands.

Actors.

They were acting like they were receiving these things, and they're just crying, Oh God! I love you, God! Please give us rain.

Please bless us with these things, and they would act out all this stuff.

You've probably seen them on TV. These preachers that get on there crying about, they're going off the air unless you send in this $39 offering today.

Right? This is what he's talking about.

And he said, Yet you say, for what reason? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, whom with whom you have dealt treacherously.

Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. So he's saying, here the priesthood, you're the priest, you should have set the example, but you not only are a fake in front of the me and the altar, you're also a fake because you've dealt treacherously with the wife of your youth.

See, because at this time they were making up these laws that a priest or a Pharisee or any of these could do away with their wife for just any reason.

Remind you of Hollywood today.

Wife's over 40. It's time to get rid of her.

Get me a younger model.

That's what happens.

That's what the priesthood was doing.

And God condemns it.

Do you remember the quality?

The quality that was there in your mate when you first met them?

See, a mate, husband or wife, shouldn't be like cotton candy.

When I was a kid, I loved cotton candy.

Now I can't stand cotton candy.

You can't outgrow it. That stuff's so sweet. How in the world does anybody eat that?

Have a big responsibility.

Number five.

Lust, L-U-S-T.

Lust, except for your mate, is a four-letter word.

Lust, except for your mate, is a four-letter word. It also works with Jesus Christ.

Why do some people want to play around with doctrines?

As our chairman and president talked about last week, they want to play with every little doctrine, something new, something different.

1 Peter 2.

1 Peter 2.

1 Peter 2.

Verse 11.

Said, Beloved, I beg you, as sojourners and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lust which war against the soul.

Oh, they war against the flesh, they war against the soul.

The problem with pornography and pornography addiction today is epidemic in our young people and also in so many men.

2 Peter 2.

The statistics will knock your socks off.

It's Satan's highway. See, God made Adam to lust, to love, and to care for Eve, one woman.

And he made Adam for Eve to lust after, to care about, to share everything.

And what happened?

They went down Satan's highway, didn't they?

So, if you want to go down Satan's highway, just tune into pornography.

Put your life into this world, and you will not only break up your marriage, you will break up your relationship with Jesus Christ.

Now, if you...