True Friends

The sermon title today is True Friends. I want to ask you a series of questions that you can find on the internet. It's very prolific on the internet. It's called Charles Schulz's Philosophy. It actually has nothing to do with the author of Peanuts, Snoopy and Charlie Brown, you know? He actually did not invent this, but it's attributed to him. Snopes.com went and asked the Charles Schulz Museum if this came from him, and they said, actually, no, it didn't. We don't know where it came from. But, hey, the quiz is attributed to him anyway, so I modified it for Modern Times. But this is essentially the Charles Schulz philosophy. Let me ask you a question. Can you name the CEOs of Google.com, Apple, Microsoft, ExxonMobil, and Walmart? Can you name the jockey who won the last Kentucky Derby? Can you name the winners of Wimbledon championships the last Wimbledon, French Open, Australian Open, and U.S. Open? Can you name the last five winners of the Academy Awards Best Actor Award? Can you name at least one senator from New York, California, Illinois, Florida, and Texas?

I bet you could name one or two, maybe a few of those that I mentioned, but not all. Not by a long shot, neither could I. In fact, I came up with those questions and I didn't even bother looking up the answers. Couldn't care less who the CEO of ExxonMobil is. Just make sure my gas is cheap, okay?

In fact, you probably couldn't name most of those people. None of us remember the headliners of yesterday, let alone today. Here are some more questions for you. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated or special.

Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. Bet you could name those. I know I could.

Things to remember here is that people who make a difference in our life are not the ones with the most credentials, the best personality, the most money, the most awards. They're simply the ones who care the most. One thing that often troubles people is, how can you tell if your friends are truly friends? So that's what we're going to cover today. Five points that will help you know who your true friends really are. Five points that will help you know who your true friends really are. The Bible is very insightful and very crystal clear and very to the point. It doesn't pull punches and it's not politically correct, not by a long shot. So we're just going to walk through the Bible today. We're going to tell the truth. How do you know who are your true friends and who are the fake ones?

Sounds judgmental already, doesn't it?

Well, it's not. This is reality and this, brethren, will help you walk through life. Proverbs 17 and verse 17. 17-17. Point number one. Friends love at all times, not in good times. Friends love at all times. Friends love you when you're doing great. Friends love you when you're being pretty stinky. They still love you. They behave differently when you behave badly, but they still love you. We'll get to that in a minute. Proverbs 17 and verse 17. I'll read this from the new international version. A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. The word brother in Hebrew, like in Spanish, Hebrew is a gender-oriented language, and the word doesn't just mean boy. It means a kindred or family member. It could be a brother or a sister, someone in your family. The word adversity literally means female rival. So you know that's talking about big trouble. Right? Something has no fury like a woman's scorn. That's the analogy here that Solomon is getting across in his proverb. A female adversary. A friend was born for big trouble. This proverb defines who true friends are. A friend loves at all times, not just in the good times. Some people will pretend to be your friends when you have lots of money, or when you're winning, or when you're popular, or when you're in charge of something. You can't tell who your good friends are only in good times.

True friend loves at all times. A fake friend will actually stop hanging around when someone more popular comes. You ever notice that? You're hanging around somebody? You're having a conversation? Somebody else walks in the room that has more power or influence than you, and you are no longer in the room. To them, you feel like, you know, you've just been abandoned. Or if you lose your money, your popularity changes, you're not in charge of something anymore, and all of a sudden the person that is in charge of it is their new best friend. That person never was your friend. That's not a real friend. A real friend loves at all times. Fake friends stop hanging around you, they stop talking to you, they don't hang out with you anymore, they're never around during bad times. You can't count on most people who are that you can't count on people at all who are that way. So what should we do? Despise them? No. Don't hate them. Don't even be mad at them. Just don't trust them. That's the point Solomon is trying to get across. Don't trust your innermost feelings to those kinds of people. Those are not the people to go confessing to. Hey, I've just got to get this off my chest. It's been bothering me all week, on their just rubbing their hands together, waiting for you to give them the juicy tidbits. We'll get to why in just a minute. Fake friends versus true friends. True friends love at all times. Oftentimes that can be your own siblings, your own brothers and sisters. Sometimes it's a friend. The second point we'll simply call kisses. Kisses. Proverbs 27, verse 6. Kisses is another word for compliments or words of praise. Kisses, as Solomon puts it. Proverbs 27, verse 6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. When I lived in the Arab world, men would walk up to you and kiss you on the cheek. That's just how they said hello. In the Middle East, this proverb made a whole lot more sense than it does today. In America, we shake hands. If we're super familiar, we might give a side hug or a bend-over hug.

Not in the Arab world. Let me tell you what. They come up, mwah, mwah, mwah. Two big sloppy kisses right on the cheek. Oh, and if they didn't shave that day, ugh. It's hideous.

And it's analogous to words of praise that people use to garner favor with other people. Politicians are great at this. The NIV puts it this way. The wounds of a friend can be trusted. A friend can wound you and you trust them that those wounds are for your benefit.

But an enemy multiplies the kisses. I'd like to give you some word definitions.

The word faithful means to take care or nurse or build or support. The wounds of a friend are faithful. The wounds of a friend nurse you back to health. A true friend will not compliment you all the time. Oh, you look great, girlfriend. Oh, yeah, you did a great job on that, buddy. Way to go. You'll probably get a promotion. They're always complimenting you. Always. You are the funniest person. I have never heard you tell a bad joke.

That is not your friend. That's what Solomon says. A friend will tell you, what are you doing? That was the dumbest thing I have ever seen you do. And why do they do that? Why does a friend wound you? Say something mean. And why does an enemy always kiss you?

Because they're trying to trick you. You don't always dress well. Your hair is not always great. You don't always say and do the right things. And anybody who tells you that you do is not your friend. In fact, they're your enemy. They dislike you.

But a lot of us feed on the affirmation of other people. We need it. We want it. Oh, a compliment.

Great job! Loved it! And we go, yeah, okay, other people thought it was a great job. Therefore, it was a great job. And then the problem with that is, when we read the Bible and we read that we did not do a great job, then in fact we made a mistake. We doubt it. Well, no, I must be reading that wrong. I'm interpreting the Bible wrong. The Word of God, because my friends all told me that it was great. The problem is, they don't love you. If they're always complimenting you, if they never gripe about anything, they're not your friend. Friends can gripe to each other. A true friend can gripe. I remember my best friend growing up. We would constantly get in little squabbles with each other. We were friends. One of us would walk out the other guy's door, slam the door, and walk home, but I'll never talk to him again. Till tomorrow. What do you want to do today? Want to go throw rocks at the pond? Yeah, okay. Want to go throw snowballs at cars? I'm not saying I did that. I'm not saying that I was really good at it and could get away. Oh, I had that down. Oh, that's another sermon. Misfits of Youth. Kisses, by implication, are compliments, words of encouragement. Sometimes they're gifts, little presents, little kisses, and that a friend should give you compliments. You should get along with the person who's your friend. Most of the time, your words should be pleasant with each other, but every once in a while, you're not going to get along with someone who's truly your friend, because you've done something to them or they've done something to you, and you tell them. That's not being mean, and that's not hatred. That is love. The wounds of a friend are faithful. They're nursing. They're healing. But an enemy multiplies kisses. A friend will tell you when you've upset them, will tell you when you've made a mistake. They will not always compliment you, and in life, you will have enemies who are jealous of you, and they want to see you lose. And every time you do something wrong, they will promote that, and they will tell you it's right, and that you did good. There's no need for you whatsoever to make a change. And that's so that you will be destroyed. A person who always compliments you is not your friend. Hard words, maybe. Lifesaving words, nonetheless. Those people will turn on you. Remember the story of King David and his counselor at the time of Absalom's rebellion? He ate at David's table. I don't have time to go into it. It's Psalm 55. You can look it up.

He ate at David's table. David said we did as equals meat. He wrote in that Psalm. He said the words of his mouth were smoother than butter. You ever had fresh bread, and you take soft butter, sweet soft butter, and you slathered over that bread, and you bite into that, it just came out of the oven?

I mean, that is a wonderful flavor and texture in your mouth. And that's the analogy. That's what this guy's words were like to David. He gave such good advice. It was like eating fresh baked bread with butter on top of it. He could trust those words. But he was just a snake oil salesman because he said war was in his heart. He really hated David and loved himself. He only loved David because David was the king. David had power. And if he stood next to David, then he was the king's advisor.

It was all about him. As soon as Absalom gave power, he became Absalom's counselor. And he gave Absalom fantastic advice. Had Absalom taken that advice, Absalom would have killed the king because David got away. But another counselor, a loyal counselor, came in. He was loyal to David. He gave Absalom horrible advice. Absalom did not catch his father on the run, and he did not have the opportunity to kill him. But had Absalom listened to David's first advisor, the one whose words were like butter, David would have been dead and Absalom would have been the king.

Solomon never would have been king. So God worked that out, obviously. Only an enemy will say good things to you at all times. Only an enemy will give you gifts and compliments all the time. A true friend will wound you. Forgive them. That's your friend. The wounds of a real friend will help you become better friends and will help you become a better person. Be careful to watch out for that.

Someone who's always nice to you, they don't like you. FYI. And that was the truth before you and I were born. King Solomon wrote that many thousands of years ago. Someone who's always nice to you, does not like you. Point number three. How do you know who is a true friend? True friends don't respect the rich or influential. True friends don't need you to give them stuff all the time.

Proverbs 19 and 6. True friends don't respect the rich or influential. In other words, they don't need you to give them gifts all the time. Proverbs 19 and 6. I'm going to read this from the New American Standard Bible, the NASB. Many will entreat the favor of a generous man, but every man is a friend to him who gives gifts.

Oh, yes. If you can get something from him, you'll be his friend. Watch out for that person. Do you always have to buy? Do you always have to be the one that provides? Are all your friends around you because you pay? Those are not your friends. Not your friends. Your friends will bring you gifts also. They may not be able to afford anything. Maybe their gift is an act of service. Maybe their gift is a wound, a verbal correction. But they will give back to you. Someone who's in a relationship with you and just takes from you is not your friend.

It says, many will entreat the favor of a generous man. The word entreat means to rub until weak. In other words, pester you constantly. Someone who's constantly or continually after you to give them things is not a friend. That's just a beggar. The word generous man, it can mean generous, but it can also mean noble or prince. In other words, it's not just about money.

This point is more broad than just someone who you always have to give money to. It could be power or influence also. In other words, this could just be someone who sucks up to the boss.

Right? And so there's a boss's right hand. There's the leading lady's best friend. Not your friend. Not your friend. Because when you're no longer the boss or you're no longer the leading lady, that person will disappear. If you're wealthy or generous, then you have lots of people around you who are friendly towards you. But are they really your friends?

Well, maybe and maybe not. You can't tell. The ones who give back to you. And not just gifts. Because compliments and gifts can come from the enemy as well. But if they give true conversation to you, real advice to you, they actually do an act of service. They go out of their way and trouble themselves on your behalf. And nobody else sees it or knows it. That's a better indication of a friend. Are they giving you something or are they just trying to get something? If they're just trying to get something, that's what God is telling us here. This person is not your friend.

Because as soon as you go through a hard time, they disappear.

What should people do instead of pestering rich people? What should they do? Shouldn't they go to ask God for their desires? You should be generous, but you're not people's mommy or daddy. You're not your friend's mommy or daddy. You have your own children. Your job is to provide for them and your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren. Your job is not to empty your house of wealth for other people who come along. You should be generous and take care of them, but not provide a living for them. Those are not your friends. Remember a friend loves at all times? Good or bad? Well, that includes giving back to you. All of these points go together like a hand in glove. You should give to other people and not try to get from them. But remember, when you are a giver, when that's in your nature, when you're a generous person, which we all should be, all kinds of people will tend to hang around you. Some of them will be your friend, and some of them will not. Okay, point number four. The fourth attribute of who is a true friend? A true friend will not share your secrets. Point number four? Gossip. Gossip. A true friend will not share your secrets. And if they do, they're phony. They're not your friend. Proverbs 16, verse 28. Let's read this from the New Revised Standard Version, the NRSV. Proverbs 16, verse 28. A perverse person spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends. How interesting. The opposite of a friend is someone who says something in secret about somebody else, the whisperer. And they are equated with a perverse person, someone with no morality. Isn't that an interesting equation? You know, proverbs and parallelisms? That's a parallelism, where two statements equal each other with a preposition in between. And this is definitely a two-statement proverb. This is a parallelism. This is a perverse person spreads strife, and, second statement, a whisperer separates close friends. You know what that means? A perverse person, an immoral, depraved person, is the same as a gossip. If you are a gossip, do not pretend you are a Christian. That's what Solomon is saying. Wow! Wow! When you understand Hebrew parallelism, you understand the poetry behind the Hebrew language blows you away. A perverse person and a whisperer are the same.

If a friend comes to you and you say, this is really troubling me, and then everybody else knows, that's not your friend.

Reading that same Scripture from the New Living Translation says, a troublemaker plants seeds of strife, and a gossip separates the best of friends. The troublemaker, or the perverse or false person, is someone who is always looking to go against other people. This person can be noted by never following instructions. And that's exactly the same as a gossip.

The word plants means to scatter or spread. It doesn't just mean poke one seed in the ground. It means throw it all around. Someone who is always looking to go against other people, and throwing many, many, many seeds of strife out there. So what does that mean? You know what? When a person makes a mistake and mentions something to somebody else that they weren't supposed to, doesn't mean they're a gossip. We need to get into the nitty-gritty of that word definition here and see what it's actually saying. We all make that mistake. So technically, none of us are actually qualified to be called good friends, right? Because we've all said something that we should not have said about somebody else. No, this is talking about the person that scatters those seeds. Not that just every once in a while makes a mistake and plants a seed. I'm not excusing gossip. I'm just saying don't throw your friends away, because they make a mistake. Right? Forgive and forget the occasional mistake, but the whisperer doesn't make an occasional mistake. The whisperer can't wait to hear the juicy news and go to somebody else and spread that news around.

Proverbs 17 and verse 9, a very similar passage. Proverbs 17 and verse 9. But this one, this parallelism, gives the opposite. It contrasts two opposites. What is a friend like and what is an enemy like? Proverbs 17 and verse 9. We'll just go standard New King James here. He who covers a transgression seeks love. Someone shares something that they did or that's bothering them, and you keep it to yourself.

Unless you need to go get counsel. But you would first tell your friend, let's go get counsel on this. You wouldn't go whisper it to other people. The friend who covers that up, who keeps it to him or herself, is looking for love, is loyal, is a friend. And the opposite comes from the word, but. Everything after but is the opposite. But he who repeats a matter separates friends. You know? If your friend tells you that they did something that really bothers you, it's not your job to tell other people. It's your job to either give them advice the wounds of a friend are faithful, or tell them to go get advice if you don't have enough advice to give them. In fact, tell them that you will go with them and stand by their side when they go and get advice. Because sometimes it's going and getting advice either from the minister, from the police, from some official, the boss at work. And they might get in trouble. And you want to help them out of trouble. So you'll go with them. But what you won't do is spread it around. So that they get put down and you get set up. That's an enemy. So if you find someone is always telling you all the little secrets of everybody else, what do you think they're going to do about you with other people? Duh! Come on! You know, that can make you feel really special. Oh, did you hear about so-and-so? I want to entrust these secrets with you. Because you're special. You really think you're special to that person? They're buttering you up to get your secrets to go spread them with other people. The only person that gossip benefits is the gossip. The gossiper. Not the person being told the gossip. You're being buttered up so that you'll give your secrets away so that they can go put you down with other people. People who gossip to you about other people, therefore, are not your friends. If you sit around and all you do with this person is have to listen to what everybody else is doing, that person is not your friend. An amazing wisdom that comes out of the Bible. And this stuff was written before we were ever born. It was there. Just waiting for us to pull it out and think about it and put it into our lives.

So what should you do? Well, first of all, don't gossip. And when someone else gossips, don't believe it! That person is equated with a perverse individual. There might be a shred of truth into it, but what that person is doing is separating you from those other people so that they can be the center of attention. You no longer have those ties because they are cutting ties between you and other people. Don't let that happen to you! Don't listen to gossip! Don't believe it!

You might even want to tell the other person that they should be careful sharing their innermost secrets with so-and-so because so-and-so just told me, you did this! That's a gutsy move, I know. A lot of you may not be willing to do that, but that would actually help stop the gossip. Sure-fire cure for gossip. Hey, Jim, did you know so-and-so just told me this about you? A, is that true? And B, did you want them to tell you that? And then Jim goes to so-and-so and says, hey, so-and-so, I told you that in confidence. Guess what stops in a congregation that does that? Gossip.

It'll stop right now, right? Because the cost is too high. If you hear something about somebody else and you go confirm it with somebody else and say, so-and-so told me, whoo! I know, gutsy move. I don't expect everybody to do that, but it would be good if we did.

If someone makes you feel special by telling you the secrets about another person, don't think you're special. At least not to that person. You're special to God and you're special to somebody, but you're not special to that person. That's not what that person is doing. Use your head! If they're telling you something that somebody told them in confidence, the Bible clearly defies that as wrong behavior. What's to stop that person from telling your secrets to somebody else? Okay. Point number five. Point number five.

A true friend makes you a better person. A true friend makes you a better person.

You want a real friend? They're going to make you a better person. They're not going to bring you down. They're not going to say, hey, let's go get into trouble. They're going to make you a better person. These are the people you need to hang around with. These are the people you need to be worthy to hang around with.

Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 17. Proverbs 27, New International Version. Verse 17. As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens another.

What makes a sharp blade? How many of you know how to sharpen a blade? I bet you there's a lot of you. What is it that makes the difference between a dull blade and a sharp blade? What's that edge doing when it becomes dull? I know Mr. Harvelyn knows. It becomes bent. The blade becomes bent. We think it becomes flat or fat. That's not the first thing that happens that makes it dull. The first thing that happens that makes it dull is that nice point on the edge gets all curvy. And then it no longer cuts. When it's super, super straight. Yeah, it's got to be thin, but it's got to be super straight. Then it's sharp. Crooked friends make you dull. Crooked friends make you dull. A true friend will put you on the straight and narrow. A true friend will tell you, we can't do that. That's wrong. That's cheating. That will hurt somebody. That will hurt you. That will cost you. There's no profit in that for you. There's no benefit for you. They will keep you straight. The analogy is sharpening iron. They used to work for a butcher. And we used to sharpen our blades and grind them down to a fine point. But halfway through cutting the meat that's on the table, the blade would become dull because that thin little edge would become bent. You hit a piece of gristle or you hit a piece of bone and it bends the blade. And so what would we do? We would take what they call a steel, which is just a metal rod, and we would run the blade. You've probably seen a butcher do that against that metal rod. What is he doing? He's hitting the edge of that blade on the metal on both sides like that so that the blade will straighten back out. It's still plenty thin. It just got crooked. And so you stop and you bang it against some steel as iron sharpens iron. So a friend will sharpen you. You know what? They may butt up against you, but they make you a better person. They make you sharp. They keep you straight. And anybody that brings you down, when you hang out with them, you always do the wrong thing. Buddy, that's not your friend. That is not your friend.

So let's just review. I've covered five aspects of what a true friend is. How do you know a person is your true friend? One, a friend loves at all times, not just in the good times, but good and bad. Secondly, a friend will often say hurtful things in order to be helpful, but an enemy multiplies those kisses. Third, a friend gives to you and doesn't just hang around you because you give to them, or because you're rich or you're influential. But the friendship is actually mutual. And four, a friend does not repeat something that you told them in confidence. And finally, a friend makes you a better person. So what's the point of this entire sermon? So that you can find out who your friends truly are? Not really. I mean, that's the benefit of it, right? Oh, there's so much more to this subject than that. Proverbs 18 and verse 24. Here's the real point. Proverbs 8 and verse 24.

A man who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sits closer than a brother. A man who wants to have friends must be a friend. The point of this sermon isn't for you to judge whether or not other people are your friends, although that is a benefit of those scriptures. You can judge who is and is not your friend. But our main point should be, am I a friend to other people? Do I have those five attributes in me?

Do I love at all times? And not only when friends have a good time with me, but when they're going through a hard time, do I stick with them? Am I fake? And do I give compliments when I think something was really bad? Or do I let them have it because I love them, at risk of losing that friendship because I love them? Do I always expect my friends to give to me? Do I always expect them to pay? Or do I give back to them in whatever way I can? Because I may not have money. I may not be able to help them with their mortgage, but I can mow their lawn or do something else that might cost them money so that they can pay their mortgage. Which am I a friend? Do I spread all of their secrets to other people? Am I careless with what they tell me? Oh, you should hear what I heard. If your friends aren't there, would they want you to say it? Pretty good rule of thumb. Do you sharpen your friends or do you bring them down? Are you steel that can sharpen steel? Are you the iron that can sharpen iron? Or are you always the one suggesting that you go do something wrong? Are you the leader of misbehavior? Because if you are, you're not a friend. Are you a friend? And you know what? That's not even the main point. That's just leading up to the main point. Here's the main point.

James 2, verse 23. This is the important point. This is the point that lasts forever. James 2, verse 23. And the Scripture was fulfilled, which says, Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him for righteousness, and he was called a friend of God. Are you a true friend? Are you God's friend? Do you love him at all times or only in the good times? And when things are going bad, do you forget him? Or when things are going good, do you forget him? And you only go to him when there's bad times? I only call on God when I need him. Otherwise, I'm just going to go party. Are you a friend of God? Abraham was called God's friend. And the Bible clearly defines what a friend is. Are you a friend of God? Do you love him at all times? Do you follow him and praise him only when you're being blessed? But do you turn around and grumble and gripe and complain when you're being molded and tried and shaped as he does lovingly mold us and shape us? And it hurts sometimes? Do you give back to him or do you only expect him to give to you? Is your prayer in the morning go something like this? Father in heaven, good morning. May I have a new car, a new house, new, new, new, this, new, that, new, this, new, that, my bank counts low, la, da, da. Sounds like a greedy song every morning. Or do you give back? May my day glorify your name today. May my actions not bring shame to you. May I give my life to you. Are you a friend of God? Because that's what will last. Do you curse him and grumble about him when you're being corrected? Now, he's already sharp. You're not going to make him straight. His word is sharper than any two-edged sword and it doesn't bend. So, are you a friend of God? You need to become as sharp as him. You need to follow him and emulate him and be like him in every way that you can. In the beginning of this sermon, I asked you who you remembered. Was it the headliners or the people who cared about you? The question that we should be asking is, will I be remembered? Well, you will if you're a true friend of God. Your name will be remembered forever. And we are true friends of God when we are straight as an arrow. We never say a bad word about him or to him. We give him not just expecting him to give to us, but we give back to him. And when we love him at all times.