What is God's Counsel for Dealing with Difficult People in Our Lives?

Brethren, one of the great callings that we have is the calling to love our fellow man.

Obviously, we are to love our great God, but we are also to love our fellow man.

It's the distinguishing characteristic for us as Christians.

Let's begin our journey today by turning over to John chapter 15.

I have been toying with the idea of going back to Isaiah, but we're not going to be doing that today.

Something else caught my attention, and I want to speak to that issue today. John chapter 15.

And here we see in my Bible—it's all red lettering here—a tremendous call to action by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. John chapter 15, verse 12.

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.

Now, that's a tall order to love as Jesus Christ loved us.

And when you think about all the love that He demonstrated toward us, the willingness to do whatever it took to sacrifice His heavenly glory, His power, to come to this earth as a flesh-and-blood human being, to know what it's like to get tired, to sweat, to have to sleep, as opposed to what He had known for all eternity, that's a lot of love.

He went about, during His earthly ministry, doing good, teaching as a humble servant, encouraging people, healing the sick, comforting the oppressed. Again, an example to all of us in terms of applying Christian love. And, of course, lastly, if we want to just break it down to three portions of His life, the tremendous trial He endured at the end of His life, excruciating pain, torture, and death, to show His unconditional love for us. Now, let's go to Matthew chapter 5.

Sermon on the Mount.

Bedrock teachings of Jesus Christ. Matthew chapter 5.

Excuse me. Matthew chapter 5 and verse 43.

You have heard that it was said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be the sons of your Father in heaven. For He makes the Son to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even attack collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even tax collectors do so? Therefore, you shall be mature. You shall be perfect as your Father in heaven is mature. Perfect. So here we see in this section of the Sermon on the Mount, God's standard. God's standard of righteousness. God's standard of maturity. What we see here is God's grace. Now, I want to talk about another type of person that probably is in your life.

You may consider them an enemy. Maybe not.

But how do you and I, as dedicated Christians, respond to people who rub us the wrong way?

How do we respond to people who irritate us, grate on our nerves, make life very unpleasant for us?

How do you and I respond to people who seem to make making you miserable, making me miserable, into an art form? The underlying message with some of these people in our lives is, unless you do things their way, they're going to make you pay. They're going to make me pay.

Now, there are some people in our lives who fall into this category that we can kind of sidestep. We can love at a distance. We can pray for them. We wish them well. We mean no ill to them.

And we can kind of sidestep them. But there are other people in this category that you and I can't sidestep. They are in our lives, generally speaking, every day. Could be our boss. Could be a coworker. Could be a next-door neighbor. Could be a family member. What do we do with those people who are rubbing us the wrong way? Now, in doing my research for the sermon today, I was looking at a number of descriptors for this kind of person. You know, in our mind, we like to have a label. How would we label this kind of person? Well, I found one descriptor that was very appropriate and quite a bit has actually been written on this particular type of person.

They are known as sandpaper people. Do you have sandpaper people in your life? People who rub you the wrong way. Maybe you've got more than one. Maybe you've got a whole bunch of sandpaper people in your life. A lady by the name of Mary Sutherland wrote a book entitled Sandpaper People Dealing with the Ones Who Rub You the Wrong Way. A book's been written on this. Many articles have been written on this. On amazon.com, you can see that particular book. There's a little bit of a promo for the book. The promo reads like this. Everyone deals with them, people who rub you the wrong way, often leaving abrasions behind. Mary Sutherland goes beyond just giving good advice on how to handle tough relationships. Using examples from her own painful experiences, a readily applicable format, and dusting of humor and intriguing sandpaper facts throughout, she frames key principles of relating to rub you the wrong way types such as, and she writes, be loving.

Be loving. Sandpaper people. Very descriptive. When I think back in my life, I've known any number of sandpaper people in my life. People who've rubbed me the wrong way, people who little by little, day by day, slowly, methodically, annoyingly, irritated me. Now, I'm a son of God just like you are. I'm a Christian just like you are. So how do we as Christians deal with our sandpaper people? What do we do with them? How do we... what does the Bible say about that? Now, there's all sorts of things that are written in online. I'm not going to use those things. You don't want to hear those things. Some of those things are very helpful. But what you want to know is, what does God say? What does God say about those people who are very difficult to deal with in our life, that we have to deal with in our life? There was another descriptor that I read, and I'll give you the source of that in a couple of minutes. Another descriptor was, in addition to sandpaper people, people requiring extra grace. Do you have people in your life that require extra grace, both on their behalf and on your behalf? So today I'm going to ask a question.

And hopefully through the course of the sermon I'll answer that question. The question is this.

What is God's counsel for dealing with difficult people in our lives?

What is God's counsel for dealing with difficult people in our lives? We've all got them. Bless their hearts. What are we going to do with them?

Let's take a look at Ephesians chapter 4 to begin with.

Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 1.

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called. So there is a worthy and an unworthy walk for us as Christians, and we want to make sure we're walking the worthy way when it comes to dealing with these difficult people. I beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called, with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love.

Now that last phrase is what we're going to key in on. Bearing with one another in love.

When you're bearing with somebody, they're irritating you, they're annoying you, they're being difficult with you, but Paul says here we need to bear with them in love.

Is there a formula in the Bible that shows us how to do that? I say yes, there is. And we're going to turn to it right now. Let's take a look at Colossians chapter 3.

You know, normally you would have had a Bible study before services on the book of Colossians. Well, you're going to have quite a bit of Colossians here today. Colossians chapter 3 and verse 13. Colossians 3, 13. Bearing with one another. So here we see that same phrase again. Bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you must do. Now notice very carefully that we are bearing with somebody, not only just bearing with them, we are forgiving them. And notice it says if anyone has a complaint. So what we're looking at here, brethren, is the idea that somebody is hurt us or is hurting us. It's not just a matter of being annoyed. It's not just a matter of being irritated. We have been hurt. Maybe we've been wronged. This verse does not say, by the way, that we are to condone this, that this is okay. It doesn't say that at all. It does say we are to bear with that person. We are to forgive that person. And how are we to forgive that person? Even as Christ forgave us. You must do.

You must do.

How do we do that exactly? What is the formula that God would have us to understand to bear with one another as Christ forgave and loved and so forth? Well, it's in verse 12. Formulas in verse 12, Colossians 3, 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on number one tender mercies, number two kindness, number three humility, number four meekness, number five long suffering.

There is a formula for how we are to bear with one another. Now, as I was meditating on this, as I was thinking about some of the experiences I've had in times gone by all throughout my life, as I was thinking about the people in my life who require extra grace, the difficult ones, difficult people, the people I've got to deal with in the world, sometimes in the church, how do I—it was there a formula I was asking myself. And as I was studying, I looked into a couple of commentaries which helped illuminate some things for me. The Bible Knowledge Commentary, one that we use quite frequently in our writings as United Church of God. Their comment under Colossians chapter 3 and verse 13, I read, believers are to bear with each other, that is, put up with each other with the attitudes just mentioned in verse 12.

So they see a formula there in verse 12. The life application commentary under Colossians 3, 13 says this, and I quote, it is only in the outworking of people's relationships with one another that compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience are worked out. Referring to the qualities we see there in verse 12, those five qualities. The testing ground—and continuing with the quote—the testing ground is when people have grievances against one another.

Paul called believers to bear with and forgive one another. Bearing with means putting up with the extra grace required crowd. And that's where I came up with that phrase. I didn't come up with it. It was in the life application commentary, the extra grace required crowd. Now, in these verses, they give us information that's vital for us to understand as we're working with these people. Verse 12, Colossians 3, 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved. Take a look at what we're examining here right now. The elect of God.

Who are the elect of God? We are the chosen—the word elect means the chosen. We have been chosen by God. We have been chosen by God. You've been called. You've been chosen. The elect of God, we're holy. We have been set apart to do God's work. We have been set apart to live the way Jesus Christ would have us to live. We've been set apart to be a light to the world.

We have been chosen. We have been set apart. And it says here in verse 12, we are beloved.

We are beloved. In verse 13, it talks about how Christ forgave us. How Christ forgave us.

The word forgave here in the low and night of Greek English lexicon is defined this way. To forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual.

A gracious attitude. Those gracious attitudes we see in verse 12.

We see a series of gracious attitudes. When you put it all together, when you look at verses 12 and 13, we see that we're chosen by God, we're set apart by God, we're loved by God, we're forgiven by God. All of that means what? All that means we are recipients of God's tremendous grace.

And because we're recipients of God's tremendous grace, God expects us to reach out to others with grace. As God reaches out to us, His Spirit flows into us. Our Spirit flows out to others in graciousness. Going back to verse 12, Colossians 3, 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies. There's an interesting word picture there. In Strong's, Strong's number 1746.

1746. The idea is you're putting on a garment.

Like you're putting on a suit coat, or you're putting on a blouse, or a dress, or something. We are going to put on tender mercies. We are going to put on kindness. We're going to put on humility. We're going to put on meekness. We're going to put on long suffering. We're going to put those things on because we've got the grace of God that's coming to us from God the Father and Jesus Christ. Colossians 3, verse 8. But now you therefore are to put off. See, there's things we've got to put off first. There's a filthy, horrible garment that we need to take off. We need to put that off. But now you yourselves are to put off all these anger, and wrath, and malice, and blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another. So these things need to go, put those things off, and then put on the beautiful attitudes we see there in verse 12. Tremendous attitudes we see in verse 12.

Let's go to chapter 3 here, verse 1. I'm not going to go through this section in great detail, but just as a little bit of a background here before we get into these five traits in verse 12. Verse 1, Colossians 3.1, If you then were raised with Christ in our baptism, seek those things which are above, where Christ is sitting at the right hand of God. So when the people rub us the wrong way, when we've got the sandpaper people, when we've got the people who require extra grace, the difficult people, we are to remember who we are. We are people that God has given great grace to.

Set your mind on things above. It's so easy to set our mind on the people who are irritating us, but God says, okay, they are irritating you, no doubt about that, but set your mind on something else. If you're going to function properly, if you're going to function the way I want you to function, set your mind on something else. Verse 3, For you died and your life is hidden with Christ and God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you will also appear with Him in glory.

Because all through our life, we have been gracious people. As Christ, as God has given us grace, we have taken that grace and we've extended it to others as God has extended it to us.

Verse 5, Therefore put to death your members which are on earth. In all these various things He mentions in verse 5, put those things off. Get rid of those things. That's the way the world would respond. That's the way the world acts. You are people of grace. Verse 6, Because of these things, the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them. But now you don't live that way. Now when people rub you the wrong way, you're going to respond differently. Verse 10, Put on the new man who was renewed in knowledge according to the image of him who created him. Put on the new man, a new way of thinking, a gracious way of living and of thinking. The way Jesus Christ loved. We are to love. Let's go to 1 John. Put a marker here. Let's go to 1 John 4.

1 John 4 and in verse 11. 1 John 4, 11. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

If God so loved us, if God was gracious to us, with all the faults, with all the issues you and I have, we are to love others, bear with others with all the faults they have, and be gracious to them.

Okay, so much for background. Let's go now to chapter 3 of Colossians again. Let's drill down into these five areas. Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, tender mercies, in the vine's expository dictionary of biblical words, that phrase is defined this way. The viscera, the inward parts, the seat of emotion, the heart, the heart of compassion, a heart of compassion. The believer is to be clothed with a heart of compassion. If we're going to be able to properly bear with one another, we've got to have a heart that is full of compassion, tender mercies, because we have been recipients of the fullness of God's grace ourselves. We understand the beauty and the richness of that, and God calls upon us to take that and to give out what we've been given. Now, with each of these areas, I was thinking about a key idea behind each of these thoughts that we're covering here. A key idea here with tender mercies. As we're thinking about bearing with one another, a key idea is to accept the reality of who the person is who's rubbing us the wrong way. It's important that we accept them for what they are, for who they are, and who are they. They are people who need grace.

They are people who need grace. We are not supposed to try to change the other guy, the other gal.

We're not... if we try to do that, then a lot of number of other issues come into play.

Power struggles, defensiveness, criticisms, making the situation much worse.

Now, we accept the fact that the person who's rubbing us the wrong way, they're in need of grace, just as we are. Just as we are. Now, again, we don't need to feel a need to condone what they're doing or accept what they're doing or saying what they're doing is okay. None of that's true.

But we do need to realize who they are, just like who we are. People in need of grace. And if we can have that mindset, that will help us bear with other people.

Again, a marker here in Colossians chapter 3. Let's go to Luke chapter 23.

Luke chapter 23.

Again, Jesus Christ said we are to love as He loved us. Let's take a look at some of His love here. Luke 23 verse 34.

After all that Christ had gone through, all the torturing and everything, notice what He says here, Luke 23 verse 34. Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.

You talk about a statement of graciousness. Forgive them, for they do not know what they do.

The people who irritate us probably don't understand what they're doing to us.

They may have no clue in many cases of how we are receiving what they're giving to us. Now, some people probably would, but not everybody.

Acts chapter 7.

You say, well, that's Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ was such a tremendous example, but I'm flesh and blood, and I can't act that way. Well, yes, we can. Acts chapter 7.

Here's a deacon in the church, a man who gave an inspired message here in Acts chapter 7, and paid the price with his life. He's going to be stoned, as he's being stoned. And of course, you know, you and I can't imagine the pain that would go with that. Being unable to defend yourselves as you're being hit with all these rocks.

But notice what Stephen says here at the very last verse of chapter 7, verse 60. Then he knelt down and cried out with a loud voice, Lord, do not charge them with this sin. And when he had said this, he fell asleep. Do not charge them with this sin. He realized who those people were. He realized that those people were in need of grace.

So, point number one in dealing and bearing with people, difficult people, is be compassionate and be merciful. Because we receive God's compassion, and we receive God's mercy. Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12, the second item here on our list in the formula, is kindness. Kindness is a Strongs number 5544. Kindness. From the Complete Word Study Bible and Complete Word Study Dictionary, here's the definition of kindness.

It is a grace which pervades the whole nature, mellowing all which would be harsh and austere. Kindness is a mellowing factor. It speaks of being considerate. It speaks of being gracious. It speaks of being full of sympathy and empathy. We are kind to people. And the idea here is to understand where we are coming from. You know, the first point, understand where they're coming from. Second point here, let's understand where we're coming from. It's easy for us to frame a person in our minds as painful to be around, selfish, unreasonable, rude, condescending, arrogant, petty, control freak, aloof, mean, obnoxious.

Have I left anything out? It's easy to do that. God doesn't want us to think, just let our mind rest there. God wants us to be kind. He wants the nature He's given us with His Holy Spirit to be a mellowing nature. Christ spoke of this again in the sermon on the mount.

Let's go back to Matthew 5. Matthew 5, verse 14 through 16. You are the light of the world, a city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden, nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand that it gives light to all who are in the house.

Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. You know, we deal with people all the time, brethren, who don't have a theological background like you do, who don't sit in services week after week, month after month, year in and year out, who know the Scriptures like you know them. But one thing people can appreciate and understand and enjoy is kindness.

Everybody can enjoy kindness. And that's what God has called us to be, for those people who are hard to deal with or bearing with them in a mellowing way in kindness. I do want to quote from one article. This is from a blog, a Balanced Curve, an article entitled, Dealing with Difficult People, September 6, 2016, by Mark Rosenberg. And I quote, the first step in dealing with a difficult person is self-reflection, getting a handle on what's going on for you, and the second step is understanding what's going on for them. This involves the notion of perspective-taking, stepping in the shoes of the other person to try and understand how they see the world. This is one of the most important skills a manager can develop.

In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey points out that before you can influence anyone, difficult or otherwise, you need to understand where they are coming from. Where they are coming from. So let's continue to quote. So how do we go about gaining an understanding of a difficult person's perspective? It's always useful to step back and think about what it is that makes somebody difficult.

Why are they being difficult with me? Why are they being difficult with me? Is there something I've done? Wittingly or unwittingly? Have I stoked the fire? Have I fed the flame? It's good for us to think about that. So step number two is seek to understand, be kind. Number three, going back to Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12, we talked about tender mercies, kindness, humility.

Humility. Here we're going to reinforce an idea we talked about just a moment ago. In the first point, under tender mercies, we talked about accepting the reality of who the person is. Their person needs grace, just like we are people who need grace. Here, under humility, we need to accept the reality of who we are. We're people who are deeply in need of grace.

So humility needs a self-evaluation. An honest and courageous self-evaluation as to where we are coming from ourselves. In humility, we might ask ourselves, am I coming across as being difficult? It's so easy to look at the other guy, the other gal, and say, well, they're being difficult. Well, are they being difficult because I'm being difficult? Are they being hard to get along with because I'm hard to get along with? Or is because they are hard to get along with, am I not mellowing the way I should with God's grace?

Am I getting hardened myself? Are we allowing them to bring us down to the standard they're holding to? Hard questions for us to ask and to answer need to be done. Philippians chapter 2.

Philippians chapter 2, talking about humility.

Philippians chapter 2, starting in verse 3.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. How do we bear with one another? How do we deal with difficult people? Let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Where are they coming from? What are they interested in? What are their objectives? Verse 5, let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider robbery to be equal with God.

Sometimes, you know, our pride and our vanity wants to kick in. Who does that person think they're talking to? They're talking to me! How dare they? Well, Christ was willing to go from what he was before his human birth to a human birth. Verse 7, he made himself with no reputation in taking the form of a bondservant and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in the appearances of man, he humbled himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross.

That's a tremendous humbling taking place there. Christ came humbly to serve people, requiring extra grace. And that includes you and I. So, point number three is be humble. Point number four, Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness. Meekness is as strong as number 4240. One of quote from Vines Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words is defining meekness. In its use of Scripture in which it has a fuller, deeper significance than a non-Scriptural Greek writing, it consists not in a person's outward behavior only, nor yet in his relationship to his fellow man as little in his mere sight.

Rather, it is an in-wort, it is in-wrought grace of the soul. Grace of the soul. Expository's Bible commentary, one of the best that you can buy or look into, defines this phrase, meekness, as the opposite of arrogance and self-assertiveness. It's the special mark of the man or the woman who has a delicate consideration for their rights and feelings of others. That's what it means to be meek. Now, years ago, somewhere along the line, I think it was in my business background, a little business background that I had. I graduated from Ambassador College in 74. From 74 to 84, I worked on the outside.

For two and a half years, I was a warehouse manager, and for seven and a half years, I was in sales. Somewhere along the line in there, either as a warehouse manager or in sales, somebody taught me the principle, which is a very good principle. It came from the world, but it's a good principle. The principle is this. We need to be focusing on working the problem, not working the person. In both, in my management situation, in the furniture warehouse or in the sales, various problems would come up with people.

It's so easy to say, well, it's the people. Well, yeah, many times it is the people, but what about the people? Now, there's an issue there. There's a problem there. So I needed to find out, well, how do I work that problem? I can't change the people, but maybe I can work on the problem and see what can be done. The advice here is something that a lot of us don't like to do. If you're required to respond to somebody, let's say a next-door neighbor, a boss, a coworker, relative, and they're one of these people who require sex to grace, and they're giving you a hard time, ask them.

Why? I remember when I was in the warehouse, I think I may have told you this story, but when I was in the warehouse, there was somebody who just did not like me. I mean, I don't know if they thought I was really funny looking, but they did not like me. Whenever they could see some reason to get mad at me and blow up at me, they would get mad and blow up. I happened to be a lady, and just a little tiny thing, and she would stand toe to toe, all 120 pounds of her, and just yell in my face.

And finally, one day after taking that for about a year, I thought I was doing a good job of bearing with the situation. I said, What have I done to you? Why? I mean, please tell me. And she said, Randy, you've not done anything. What? Now, I don't know if it was the spirit in me versus the spirit in her, or what the deal was there, but, the carnal person that I was back in the day, when I came into work one day and found out they no longer worked for the company, I was happy!

I wanted to have somebody get a cake, you know? Let's get a cake. Let's put frosting on that thing. Let's have a party. So-and-so is not here anymore.

I can stop taking the tums and all that, but ask the person tactfully, lovingly, considerably, delicately, What's up? What's up? Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, verses 23 and 24.

Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and then remember that your brother has something against you.

The sandpaper person, the person requiring extra grace, the difficult person.

Leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

Do what we can do with these people that are so hard to deal with, but do it in a proper way.

We're looking at the various frames of mind we need to have as we go to somebody.

Romans chapter 12.

Romans chapter 12 and verse 18. Romans 12 and verse 18. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

Now, there's some qualification there. If it's possible, you know, it's easy for us to say, no, it's just not possible. Well, give it some extra thought. Maybe it really is possible. If it is possible, as much as depends on us.

We can't change the other person. We can't have them live or think or do something differently, but we can control how we come across. We can control what we say, what we think, the frame of mind we have for the whole of the situation.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Going back again to Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12.

Put on tender mercies, number one. Kindness, number two. Humility, number three. Amecaness, number four and five. Long suffering.

Long suffering. That's Strongs number 31-15.

Long suffering. The Loanita Greek English lexicon defines long suffering this way.

A state of emotional calm in the face of provocation.

A state of emotional calm in the face of provocation.

The complete word study Bible. A study dictionary has a definition for long suffering, and it goes like this, to be long suffering, forbearance, self-restraint.

Before proceeding to action, the quality of a person who's able to avenge himself yet refrains from doing so. So here we see a state of emotional calm in the face of provocation and self-restraint.

Self-restraint. We can do this. As difficult as the person may be in our life or the people may be in our life, we can do this. Second Timothy chapter 1 verse 7.

Second Timothy chapter 1 and verse 7. For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Boy, we've got a tremendous statement here from God. He's giving us the power to be the loving people we need to be, and he's giving us that sound mind through his spirit. But we have to use restraint. The grace of self-control. I'm not going to turn there, but in your notes you might want to jot down Galatians 5.23. Galatians 5.23, one of the fruits of God's spirit is self-control.

So item number five here in our list is use self-restraint.

Where are we to this point in the sermon? Let me do a quick recap.

In Galatians chapter 3 verses 12 and 13, we see five different fruits or a part of a formula for us dealing with people who we must bear with in our life. Number one, we must be compassionate and merciful. Number two, be kind. Number three, be humble. Number four, remember to work the problem that the person, number five, use restraint. Is that the end of the formula? The answer is no.

Galatians chapter 3. Let's go back there again.

We've read all of verse 12. We've read all of verse 13, but let's review verse 13.

Galatians 3.13, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. So here is a sixth thing in our formula. Forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint, you've been wronged, you've been hurt. No denying that. No one's condoning it, saying it's okay. Forgiving one another, even as Christ forgave you. So you must do. So number six is forgiveness. Strong's number 5483. Forgiveness.

It's interesting, the low and nighter Greek lexicon, Greek English lexicon, defines forgiveness this way. To forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual.

To forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude. God's grace flowing from him to us and out from us through his power. The key idea here is to forgive as we have been forgiven.

You know, brethren, as we as I've been going through this material, the question can be obviously asked, why? Why are we going through this material? Because we all have these kind of people in our lives. That's why. Why do we bother? Because if we don't bother, we hurt ourselves.

If we don't bother, we don't live in peace. One of my favorite sayings, and I don't know where I heard this, but I've always enjoyed this saying, holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

If we're not forgiving, if we're holding those grudges, if we are just full of negativity, then who are we hurting? Who are we hurting? We're only hurting ourselves.

Forgiving frees ourself from all of that. It frees us from the leaven of negativity.

Known some negative people in your life? I've known some negative people in my life.

So many times it starts off with just a little area of their life is negative, but then it just bleeds into other areas and the negativity grows.

When we're in a state of negativity, a grudge against somebody, they might feel really good.

They have all sorts of nice pity parties and that sort of thing, but it doesn't help us at all.

And what does Christ say? Let's go back again to the Sermon on the Mount.

Basic teachings here today. Matthew 6.

The model prayer. Matthew 6, verse 12. And forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And I don't know about you, but one of the things I do when I'm asking for God's forgiveness is I repeat that phrase. And I don't expect God to forgive me for anything until I have that kind of, that frame of mind in my mind. And I ask my father to give me that forgiving attitude and spirit. If I want to be forgiven, I have to have that same attitude and spirit toward other people. Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Verse 14, verse 15. Andimmigration is a very important thing. And it's a very important thing. And it's a very important thing. And it's a very important thing. And it's a very important thing.

Verse 14, for if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

So number six, bearing with one another, forgiving as we've been forgiven. Is there yet even more to the formula? The answer is yes. Go back to Colossians, chapter 3.

Verse 12, we saw five things. Verse 13, we see something. But we see something in addition, a seventh thing, in verse 14.

Colossians 3, 14. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

Strong's number 26, agape. You know the definition.

Christ said, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, pray for those who spitefully use you, and persecute you. All the virtues Paul has talked to, to this point, all six of these, they're all gathered together under one umbrella, kind of like a belt holding everything together. And that belt is love, holds everything in place. If we don't have it, we don't have anything. Go back to 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter.

1 Corinthians 13.

Verse 1, Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels and have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. There's just nothing there. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, though I have all faith so I can remove mountains, but I have not love, I am nothing.

Again, the primacy of love. Though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Verse 13, And I abide faith, hope, and love, these three, but the greatest of these is love.

So, brethren, we've taken a look at a number of things we can do today, so we can bear with, and we're still not done with Colossians. Go back to Colossians one last time. Things you and I can do to bear with those who cause us difficulties in life.

We've seen seven different things, but we're still not done. Colossians chapter 3 and verse 15.

When we successfully attempt to do and put into place this formula, we've got verse 15. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you also were called in one body, and be thankful.

The peace of God.

To live in peace doesn't suddenly mean all the issues are eliminated. It doesn't mean all the people requiring extra grace are eliminated.

But it means you're doing something in your own heart, in your own mind.

It means you are managing this situation with God's grace.

This kind of tranquility doesn't come from mere human effort.

This kind of tranquility only comes from God's grace, from God's help. And it's interesting there in verse 15, let the peace of God rule in your hearts.

The word rule comes from the language of athletics. They had athletics back in Paul's day. They had the Olympics and so forth.

The idea here is that Christ's peace will act as an umpire. Christ's peace will act as a referee in your heart and your mind.

We must have an umpire that says peace when we're thinking about these people who do what they do to us.

So here in Colossians 3, verse 13, it says, Bearing with one another and forgiving one another, how do we bear with one another? Today we've taken a look at seven different things in a formula that God has given us. Here in Colossians 3, seven different things. If we do those things, God says we will be rewarded with the peace of God.