What is God's Counsel

Brethren, the Scriptures teach us very clearly, very plainly, that the ultimate distinguishing characteristic for us as Christians is love. Let's take a look at that over in John 15.

John 15, verse 12. In my Bible, this is all red lettering, the words of Christ. John 15, verse 12. This is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Now, that's a tall order for us to love as Christ loves. And yet, this is a command from Jesus Christ to us, his brothers and sisters. Let's take a moment as I'm introducing the topic today and think about the love of Jesus Christ. Think first of what Christ was willing to do for you, what Christ was willing to do for me. Once upon a time, Jesus Christ, the Word, lived with God, and this is way before we ever were even thought of. Well, I shouldn't say thought of, but way before we were coming into existence. He living in splendor, living in glory, living on a God-level existence, enjoying all of that immensely. Things you and I cannot even begin to comprehend. The state of existence of God the Father and Jesus Christ. Christ had that, and yet he was willing for the sake, for your sake, for my sake, for all of our sakes, to sacrifice that. He was willing to come down here as a physical human being who had to shower, who had to sleep, who had to eat and do all the things we humans do. He was able to laugh, he was able to cry, he was able to feel hunger and pain and all sorts of things. Things he had never had to worry about for all eternity, but he emptied himself of that to come as a human being. Let's look at Philippians 2.

Philippians 2.

Let's start here in verse 5. Philippians 2 and verse 5.

Let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus. Now we're told to have the same love as Jesus Christ, and we're told to have the same mind as Jesus Christ, a mind of love. Verse 6. So here's a being who lived in all glory and splendor for eternity, who humbled himself to be fleshly and then was horribly tortured. And he did that because he was a loving being, and that was his mindset. What is my mindset? What is your mindset?

Verse 9. Therefore God also has highly exalted him and given him the name which is above every name. And so there we see a willingness to do whatever it took to exhibit love.

Secondly, Jesus Christ went about in his earthly ministry doing good as a humble servant, teaching, encouraging, healing every opportunity he had. Let's take a look at Acts chapter 10.

Verse 38. Acts chapter 10 and verse 38. How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Spirit. And we've also received that Holy Spirit, heavenly. The Spirit that helps us to love. The Spirit that helps us to have the same mind. How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth the Holy Spirit and with power who went about doing good and healing all who were oppressed by the devil, for God was with him. So again, this is a part of our mindset as Christians. We're called to love as Christ loved. We see his willingness to do whatever it took to love. We see him going about doing good, not just talking about it, not just thinking about it, but actually doing it. Matthew chapter 20. Let's go there for a moment. I'm quoting all of this because I'm going to get into something pretty heavy today.

Matthew chapter 20. Verse 28. Matthew 20. 28 again in red lettering. Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many. So again, we see the tremendous, loving mindset of Jesus Christ coming to serve.

Now, sometimes when we're serving, that could be very uncomfortable. We're going to talk about an uncomfortable way of serving today.

So secondly, Christ was a tremendous example of going about doing good. Thirdly, Jesus Christ died an excruciating death for you, for me. On our behalf, he was tortured, he was humiliated, so that you and I could have victory over sin and death.

He showed his unconditional love for us in that regard. Let's look at Hebrews chapter 12.

Hebrews chapter 12.

Verse 1. Hebrews chapter 12. Verse 1.

Therefore, we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, as talking about the folks there in chapter 11, the faith chapter, let us lay aside every weight in the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. We are to run with endurance, not a sprint, and endurance. Long distance.

Because God is going to give us, and we're going to talk about something we need to be doing in our lives, that is not a sprint for us. There's something we're going to talk about today where it's going to require long distance running, so to speak. Verse 2. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Brethren, keep this verse very much in mind. Christ, looking to Him, our example, who for the joy that was set before Him. Now, you and I wouldn't think being tortured is a joy, and yet Jesus Christ looked to the end result. He realized that what He was going to go through was going to allow you and I, allow us, you and me, to have salvation, to live for all time. So He, for that joy, the joy of knowing what was going to be our legacy, our inheritance, He was willing to go through what He did. And of course, He has now sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Just as you're going to be required to do something today, as I get into the body of this message, that when you do this, you also will be able to sit down in the kingdom of God and receive tremendous glory.

But we're going to ask you to do something God's going to ask you, not me. God's going to ask you and I, all of us, to do something that's not easy. It's one of the most difficult things we as Christians must do. Matthew chapter 5. Let's start drilling down a little closer now to the topic. Matthew chapter 5. Matthew chapter 5, starting here in verse 43, Sermon on the Mount, the Heart and Core Teachings of Jesus Christ.

Again, this whole section is red lettering, the words of Jesus Christ. Matthew 5.43. You've heard it said, You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy. But I say to you, Christ says to you, says to me, Love your enemies.

Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you. And pray for those who spightfully use and persecute you. Christianity is not for sissies. It's not for weak people in one sense. Now, we're all of us in one sense are very weak. But with God's help, with Christ's help, we can do what he asks. God and Christ never asked us to do something we can't do with his help. So with his help, we need to do what it says there in verse 44.

To bless those who curse us, do good to those who hate us, pray for those who spightfully use, and persecute you. Verse 45. That you may be the sons of your Father in heaven, for he makes his son to rise on the evil and on the good, sends rain and a just on the unjust.

Verse 45 speaks to what issue? Verse 45 speaks to God's grace. Our God, our elder brother, are beings of tremendous grace, and they show grace even upon the people who are not converted, as it says there in verse 45.

And today, we're going to look at some scriptures to show where you and I, where we need to show grace to people who are maybe no more converted than a bullfrog. Or people who are maybe in a church, and we wonder if they're no more converted than the bullfrog. We are to be people of God's grace in the most difficult of circumstances. Verse 46. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you?

Do not even a tax collector is the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you have more than others? Do not even tax collectors do also? So basically, those two verses are talking about we need to be able to love the tough ones to love. Do you have anybody in your life that's tough to love? Don't we all? I would say this. When I gave this sermon last week in Chicago, more people came up than ever before to say I needed that.

Thank you for giving that. Now, I gave the same sermon to Michigan many years ago, because these are lessons I had to learn. And I think as I go through the material, you'll say these are lessons that you need to learn, because we're all cut out of the same human cloth. Verse 48. Therefore, you shall be mature as your Father in heaven is mature.

Now, we're not perfect in terms of being sinless, but we're asked to be mature people. As we love those who curse us, who do things that show they hate us, and pray for those who spitefully use and persecute us, we are to be mature. People who are treating us that way aren't so mature, but we are called to be mature.

How do you and I, as dedicated Christians, respond to people who continually rub us the wrong way? Irritate us. Great on our last nerve. Make life very unpleasant for us.

How do we respond to people? People in our life who seem to make making you miserable into an art form. You ever been anything like that in your life? I've had a number of people like that in my life, where it seems like they make, you know, they enjoy making me miserable. Now, do they mean to do that? I don't know, but are they doing that? Yeah, yeah they have.

Now, some people like this in life, we can sidestep. Some people in life, we can say, well, I'm going to love that person at a distance. I'll pray for them. I will fast for them. I will be kind to them when I must interact with them, but I don't have to interact with them very often, so I'm going to love them at a distance. There are other people in our life that we can't love from a distance. There are people in our life that are very difficult to be around, could be a boss, could be a co-worker, could be a next-door neighbor, could be a family member, could be a church member. There are people we can sidestep, people who jump on our last nerve. As I was giving this message years ago, I came across a couple of descriptive terms that I want to use here. One term that's very descriptive, the person actually wrote a book about this type of a person. The descriptor here is sandpaper people. Do you have sandpaper people in your life? We all do! I had almost two dozen people come up to me last week out of 86 who talked about the sandpaper people in their life. That's a lot of folks. That's only the ones who wanted to come up and talk. Sandpaper people.

Mary Sutherland authored a book entitled Sandpaper People, dealing with the ones who rub you the wrong way. Here's the promo. You can go to amazon.com and get her book if you want to. Sandpaper people dealing with the ones who rub you the wrong way. Mary Sutherland. Here's the promo. Everyone deals with them. People who rub you the wrong way offer leading abrasions behind. Mary Sutherland goes beyond just giving good advice on how to handle tough relationships using examples from her own painful experiences, a readily applicable format, and a dusting of humor and intriguing sandpaper facts throughout. She frames key principles of relating to the rub you the wrong way types, such as be loving, recognize their worth. So here you've got somebody in the world who doesn't have the value, the benefit of God's Holy Spirit saying we need to be able to love these people who rub us the wrong way. Now that's a difficult thing to do. Easy for me to say. Difficult for all of us to do. Sandpaper people. When I mentioned this last week, when I mentioned it this week, I see a lot of smiling faces. Everyone understands that concept. Very descriptive concept, very true concept. People who are abrasive, they rub us the wrong way little by little, day after day, drip by drip, slowly, methodically, annoyingly. Annoyingly. Much like the, you know, dripping of a faucet. You walk into a house or a building in the faucet dripping after a few minutes, that really gets on your nerves. Drip, drip, drip. Now, in case some of you don't like the reference to sandpaper people, maybe you feel that's too much of a pejorative term, there is another phrase I came upon. It's not my phrase. I'm not one for being able to turn a phrase, but in my studies and my research for the sermon, I came across this other phrase, the same kind of person, and that is people requiring extra grace. Are there people in your life requiring extra grace? Extra grace on you from you and extra grace for them. All parties need the extra grace here. So what am I trying to get at today? What is it? What is the theme for today? My theme today is in form of a question. If you like to take notes, you want to put something on top of your paper, write down this question. What is God's counsel for dealing with difficult people in our lives? What is God's counsel? Now, I can go to all sorts of psychology books, things online. There is a ton of things online, some of those things very helpful, actually. But what is God's counsel? What does the Bible say about dealing with difficult people in our lives?

Let's begin our journey over here in Ephesians chapter 4. Remember, we are to love as Christ's love. We are to have the mind of Christ. We are to be people who go about doing good, even to those who abuse us and persecute us. Now, that doesn't mean that we say abuse is fine. That doesn't mean we have to stay in abuse's way, either. God doesn't call us to be abused people. But there are times when people aren't, quote-unquote, abusing us. They're just irritating to us. And that's what I'm talking about here. We're not talking about abuse victims. When people are irritating and annoying and just hard to live with in that very narrow definition, here's what the Bible says. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 1. I therefore, the prison of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called. So, a worthy walk of the Christian, a worthy walk of somebody who's living and thinking as Jesus Christ lived and thought. Have a walk worthy, a worthy walk. Verse 2. With all lowliness and gentleness, with humility and gentleness, with long suffering. And notice now that last phrase. Bearing with one another in love.

Now, that exactly is where I'm boiling this sermon down to. How do you and I bear with one another in love? The phrase means to put up with. How do we put up with?

People who annoy us, who irritate us, who do all sorts of things that actually hurt us.

Well, drilling down even further, let's go now to the main area I want to cover with you today. And that's in the book of Colossians chapter 3. Let's turn to Colossians chapter 3. You might put a marker there. We're going to go to other places, but continually come back to Colossians 3.

Colossians 3 and verse 13.

Bearing with one another and forgiving one another. Now, we'll talk more about that as the sermon progresses. We're asked to forgive one another. Now, some people say, I need to forgive and forget. Brethren, there's no place in the Bible where it says, forgive and forget. You're not going to talk to a Holocaust victim and ask them to forget the Holocaust. That's just not going to happen. People who've been severely abused in their life, they're not going to forget that. That's just not going to happen. And God doesn't say, you've got to forget. God does say, you've got to forgive. Now, I would say this. One of the things Satan loves to do is have these hurt feelings that you may have experienced come to the forefront of your mind. Now, where you can't forget those things, God would say, okay, take those things and put them in the back of your mind. Don't dwell on those things. Don't dwell on those.

Bearing with one another, forgiving one another, forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another. So we're not talking about things that are in your mind that may not be so. We're talking about things that have happened to you that are truly, perhaps, very awful.

Very difficult. You've got a legitimate grievance. When God asks you to forgive somebody, that doesn't mean you say what that person did to you is okay. You're not condoning anything. You're not saying it's okay. But we do need to be forgiving. We'll talk more about that down the road here. Notice now the end of verse 13. Even as Christ forgave you, so you must do.

Not an easy thing to do. So how do we do this? How do you and I... Is there a formula in Scripture that shows us how we are to bear with one another? How exactly do we do that? Let's look at verse 12. Colossians 3, 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on number one tender mercies, number two kindness, number three humility, number four meekness, number five long suffering. This is a formula that God has given to us so we can learn how to bear with one another, to be able to forgive one another. Now, unless you think I'm kind of stretching the point here, let me quote a couple of commentaries where they see this the same way. A formula. Reading from the Bible Knowledge Commentary. And this is a very well-known commentary that we use in our publications all the time. Under Colossians 3, 13, the Bible Knowledge Commentary says believers are to bear with each other, that is put up with each other, with the attitudes just mentioned in verse 12. With the attitudes just mentioned in verse 12.

The life application commentary, commenting on verses 12 and 13, says this, it is only in the outworking of people's relationships with one another that compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience are worked out. They're quoting what we saw there in verse 12. The testing ground is when people have grievances. So God says He's going to give us a proving ground, a testing ground, when we've got legitimate complaints. And God says we must bear with them. The testing ground is when people have grievances against one another. Paul calls the believers to bear with and forgive one another. Bearing with means putting up with the extra grace required crowd. And that's where I got that second phrase, the extra grace required crowd.

Let's analyze what we've got here to this point. Let's look at verse 12. Colossians 3, 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved. Let's pause there. What are we looking at there?

The elect of God. In your notes, I'm not going to turn there. I don't have time to turn to all these scriptures, but in your notes you might want to jot down Deuteronomy 7, verses 7 and 8. We are the elect of God. What does that mean? We are God's chosen people. God chose you. He chose me. We're his chosen. Verse 12 says, the elect of God, holy. The word holy means to be set apart. We are chosen. We are set apart. Regarding set apart, you might, in your notes, jot down 1 Corinthians, chapter 6, verses 19 and 20. We've been bought with a price. We're not our own.

We've been set apart. So we are chosen by God. We are set apart. And it says there in verse 12, we are beloved. We are beloved. John 3, 16. You know that scripture. God so loved the world. God so loved the world. We are beloved. So we are chosen of God. We're set apart. We're loved tremendously. And then what does it say in verse 13? Forgiving one another. Forgiving. You know, the word there for forgiving is Strong's number 5483.

The low oneida Greek English lexicon defines the word to forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual. A gracious attitude. Where do we find these gracious attitudes? Well, we find these gracious attitudes in verse 12. Tender, mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering. We forgive because we have been forgiven. Brethren, what we're looking at here about the elect of God, holy and beloved and forgiving, we're looking at what? We're looking at the grace of God. We have received the grace of God. God expects us to now, because we've received the grace for us to extend the grace. We're God's kids. We're brothers and sisters of Jesus Christ. As we have been recipients of that tremendous grace, we are to pass that along. Pay it forward, so to speak.

Go back to verse 12. Colossians 3, 12. We see where we are the chosen, set apart, and beloved. But then notice that next phrase there in verse 12. We are to put on. Put on. That's Strong's number, 1746. We are to clothe ourselves. You know, before we came to services today, I don't know what you looked like before you started getting dressed for church. I don't know that I want to know. You don't know what I looked like before I started getting dressed for church. We probably could not take that, any of us. But we put on our Sabbath best, right? We put on our various garments. And you know what it means that we put on a garment. That's the idea here.

Paul is saying, Christ is inspiring Paul to write, that we put on like a garment. We put on tender mercies. We put on kindness. We put on humility. We put on meekness. We put on long suffering. Those are the things we are to do. Now, by contrast, look at verse 8.

But now you yourselves are to put off all of these anger and wrath and malice.

Yes, we take off the dirty clothes. We take off the things that are not becoming to Christ or a Christian, one of Christ. We take those things off, and then we put the things on that are of Christ. They're full of grace.

Let's turn to 1 John 4.

1 John 4.

1 John 4.

Verse 11. Verse 11. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. We also ought to love one another. The grace that's been extended to us, the love that's been extended to us, when we were carnal, when we were sinners, when in one sense God was having to bear with us. God was willing to bear with us. Now, you and I can think about us. You can think about you. I can think about me. And I know I've been no box of candy for God. You know, you've not been a sack of donuts for God. You know, we've been pretty, we've been stinkers, haven't we? God said to bear with us. And God says, okay, fine. Learn from that. You bear with one another. The grace that's been extended to you extends to other people. And again, that's difficult. But hey, Christianity is not for sissies, right? So let's go back now to Colossians chapter 3.

Let's one by one take a look at these attitudes we see in Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12. Because there is a formula here for bearing with people who are difficult to live with. Verse 12. Therefore, as the elective God, holy and beloved, put on, number one, tender mercies. Tender mercies.

Vines' expository dictionary of biblical words defines tender mercies this way. The viscera, visceral, the inward parts, as the seed of emotion, the heart, a heart of compassion.

When the people who are irritating us, continually irritate us, what are we called to do as Christians? We are called to have a heart of compassion. We are to be clothed with tender mercy, because we have received God's grace. Now, with each of these areas, there's a key concept here, and the key concept is when we think about the people who are making life miserable for us, and again, we've all got them. And this is, as I said, continually said, and we'll continue to say, it's easy to say hard to do. But what we've got to do is accept. Accept that person who's irritating us for what they are. Accept them for what they are. And what are they? They are people in need of God's grace. They are people in need of God's grace. We are not here to try to change those people. That only gets us into a power struggle. We don't want to cause them to be defensive. We don't want to have them invite criticism of us. We can therefore make things worse.

Don't pretend the other person's negative traits don't exist. They exist! They've hurt you. They maybe have been a plague to you.

But we don't need to feel a need to accept or condone their hurtful behavior. Paul says you have a legitimate complaint. We're not letting them off any hook. But we are saying that we need to have tender mercy. For lack of time, I'll just read these quotes. The first one comes from Luke 23 verse 34.

Luke 23 verse 34. Christ said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. The person who is irritating you, annoying you, the person you've got to bear with, chances are they don't have God's Holy Spirit, and they don't know what they're doing. Not on the deepest level.

Another scripture you might put down with this particular concept is Acts 7 verse 60. This is the example of Stephen the Deacon, who after giving an inspiring sermon was stoned to death. I can't imagine, you can't imagine what that would be like to be put in front of a group of people and have people throwing rocks, hurling rocks at you. You know, you might be able to dodge one or two, you might be able to deflect a couple, but after a while they all start hitting the target. And that's extremely painful. And what did what did Stephen say as he was with one of his last breaths in Acts 7 verse 60? He said, Lord, do not charge them with this sin.

Lord, do not charge them with this sin. So number one, in bearing with one another, have a compassionate mindset, the mindset of Jesus Christ. Number two, in Colossians chapter 3 verse 12, put on kindness.

Kindness. That strong is number 5544.

The complete word study Bible defines kindness this way. It is the grace which pervades the whole nature, mellowing all which would be harsh and austere. So we are to allow God's Spirit to mellow us when we would be harsh and austere.

The idea here is that we are to be considerate. We are to be gracious. We are to be full of sympathy and empathy for people who don't know the truth, who don't have the God's Spirit to help them through life. The key idea here is for us to understand where we are coming from. Understand where we are coming from. It's easy for us to frame a person in our minds as painful to be around, selfish, unreasonable, rude, condescending, arrogant, petty, a control freak, aloof, mean, obnoxious. That's easy for us to do. What's hard for us to do is what it says back in a sermon on the mount. Let's go back to Matthew 5.

Matthew 5. Again in my Bible, all lettering, all these words, all this counsel coming from God the Father and Jesus Christ. Matthew 5, verse 14. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. They light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father in Heaven. In other words, as these people are dead, despitefully using you, hurting you, being a pain in the neck to you, you respond as Christ would, with kindness. People may not understand our theology, but people always understand kindness. You can be an atheist and understand kindness. One of the greatest kindnesses of God is the God of the world. People are treating you badly, you treat them as Christ would treat them. That stands out in their mind. That stands out in their mind. In my research, I came across a website dealing with business. I was a business owner, and I was a business owner. I was a business owner, and I was a business owner. I was a website dealing with business. Now, as I read through this particular quote, you'll see where this is to be used with business, but there are certainly spiritual principles involved here. The article is entitled, Dealing with Difficult People, written September 6, 2016, by Mark Rosenberg, dealing with difficult people. The first step in dealing with a difficult person is self-reflection, getting a handle on what's going on for you. The second step is understanding what's going on for them. This involves a notion of perspective-taking, stepping in the shoes of the other person to try and understand how they see the world. This is one of the most important skills a manager can develop. In his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey points out that before you can influence anyone, difficult or otherwise, you need to understand where they are coming from. So how do we go about gaining an understanding of a difficult person's perspective? It's always useful to step back and think about what makes them difficult. Where are they coming from? Where are we coming from? We have to understand both ends of that. So the second step here in this formula is to be kind, to seek understanding.

Galatians 3, verse 13, the third area here for us to understand is humility.

Strongs number 5012, humility. Defined as humbleness of mind from Vines Expository Dictionary. Humbleness of mind.

Humility leads to self-evaluation and honest and courageous evaluation.

Here we ask ourselves if we're being very honest with ourselves, the person who is treating us spitefully, the person who's difficult to live with, annoying, are they that way in part because we are that way? Are we responding in like kind? Are they feeding off of us to some degree? In humility, we've got to ask that of ourselves. We've got to ask, am I coming across as difficult? If you and I are feeling stressed and resentful, we can be projecting that more than we realize.

People pick up on other people's vibes, so to speak. If we're giving up the vibes that we are irritated, then they'll be irritated. It's a loop that we get into, and we ourselves can become more unapproachable, less friendly.

We have got to appreciate the grace we've been given. Let's go to Matthew 18. Interesting story here. Matthew 18. Matthew 18.

And verse 23.

Matthew 18.23. So obviously we're talking about an analogy here. The king being Jesus Christ, he's going to come down to people and see how people have been treating one another. Verse 24.

Great debtor here. Aren't we all great debtors? But as he was not able to pay, and are we able to pay? No. We can't pay for our sins, our debts. Christ had to do that for us. As he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold with his wife and children all that he had and the payment be made. Then the servant fell down before him saying, Master, have patience with me. I'll pay you all. Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. Sin costs everything. The master wanted everything. But the guy couldn't pay everything. He asked for forgiveness, and he was forgiven. But that servant, the one that was just shown grace, like you and I have been shown grace, but that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred in area, much less. And he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me what you owe me. So his fellow servant fell down at his feet, begging him, saying, I have patience with me. I'll pay you all. Verse 30. And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the whole debt. The idea here is very clear. We have been extended God's mercy. We are to extend mercy to other people. And yet sometimes we don't. Sometimes we don't. So here we have to understand this third key in dealing with difficult people is humility.

My mother used to say so many times, Randy, by the grace of God, go you. One of those phrases probably every mother says to every kid. You know?

Number four in our formula is meekness. Again, we see this in Colossians 3, 12, meekness. That's Strong's number 4240. 4240. Vines expository dictionary defines meekness this way. In its use in Scripture in which it has a fuller, deeper significance than in non-Scriptural Greek writings, it consists in a person's outward behavior only, nor yet in his relations with his fellow man as little and mere natural disposition. Rather, it is an in-wrought grace of the soul. An in-wrought grace of the soul. Expositor's Bible commentary, one of the finest you can get in talking about this word in bearing with one another, Expositor says, It's the special mark of a man who has a delicate consideration for the rights and feelings of others, a delicate consideration of the rights and feelings of others. This is what meekness is, or gentleness, being delicate. Key idea here. I learned this a long time ago. I don't know where it was a sermon I heard once upon a time, or a Bible study, or someplace in business. I can't remember where this thought came to me, but I didn't originate this, but it's certainly a true principle. And the principle is this. We are to focus on working the problem, not working the person. Work the problem, not the person.

Only God can work the person. And only we can work the problem with God's help.

So if you are required to respond to an irrational situation, here's something you can do. I've done it. You can ask the person, requiring special grace, the sandpaper person in your life, what they're upset about. Just stand there, toe to toe, face to face, what is it you are upset about?

I think I've told you this story on a number of occasions about the lady I worked with when I was a warehouse manager, who literally would scream at the top of her voice at me. She just didn't like me for I don't know what reason. But she seemed to always wait until she was in a crowd of several other people before she would start ranting and raving in my face.

One day, I simply said, please, tell me, what is it I'm doing that irritates you? What am I doing wrong? She looked at me and said, Randy, you're not doing anything wrong. I'm thinking, what?

What? I come to work every day, you know, the butterflies, at least I've taught them how to fly in formation.

You know, it was difficult. I went that went on for the two and a half years I worked there. That went on for about a year and a half. It's not all the time in the world, but, you know, the day when I walked into work and I found that she had quit and was no longer there.

Hey, let's celebrate. Who's buying the cake? The drinks are on me. You know, I'm sure you've probably gone through that. But ask the person what it is that you are doing that's so irritating to them. If there's anything, maybe that's just the way that person is.

Let's look at Matthew 5. Matthew 5.

Verses 23 and 24. Once again, the words of Christ all in red lettering. Matthew 5. 23. Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, you know, you're coming to church, and there you remember that your brother has something against you. Leave your gift. You know, let's make sure that part of the things you're doing as you're going to church and living by the principles you learn in church. Leave your gift there before the altar. Go your way. First, be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. Do what you can to reconcile. Now, sometimes you can't. I've discussed this with you in the past. Sometimes people in your life that you've got some real issues with, they have died. There is no way for you to reconcile. They're not on this earth anymore. But where you can do something, please do so. Let's look at Romans 12. Romans 12 and verse 18.

Romans 12.18. This is kind of a mitigating verse to Matthew 5. Romans 12.18. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Now, there are some qualifications there. If it's possible, as much as it depends on you, live peaceably. Now, you might be giving it 100%, but if the other person isn't giving it any percent, well, then you're not going to have peace with that person. There's no way of getting around that. And you don't need to feel as a failure because you've done everything in your power to be peaceful with that individual. But if they want to be contrary and carnal and so forth, well, that's the way they're going to be. But that's not the way we need to be. So, number four was to work with people in a way where we're meek. In number five, according to Colossians 3.12, long suffering. Bearing with one another in long suffering. Strongs number 3.115. Strongs number 31.15. Loanida's Greek-English lexicon defines long suffering as a state of emotional calm in the face of provocation. A state of emotional calm in the face of provocation. The complete Word Study Bible describes it as self-restraint. Self-restraint. So the key idea here is self-restraint. We might want to say things that would just blow somebody away. We might just want to level them. Maybe we've got the kind of mind where we can pick them apart. We're smarter than they are. We've got more moxie than they are. More street cred. All those sorts of things. We can lay them low. But is that what we're supposed to do as Christians? No. Is that what God does with us? No. We are to use self-restraint. Self-restraint. We are to rely on God's Holy Spirit inside of us. 2 Timothy 1. 2 Timothy 1.7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. These principles build on one another. We've got this powerful spirit of love, powerful love, that gives us a sound mind. Not a retaliatory mind. Not a carnal mind. Not a get-the-other-person kind of mind. But a mind of love, as Christ loved. The grace of self-control. You might notice in Galatians 5.23, in the fruits of the spirit, self-control is one of the fruits of God's Holy Spirit. So where have we come to this point in the sermon? We've looked at five different parts of a formula. Are we done? Are those the only five points? The answer is no. We're not done yet. We've seen number one, be compassionate and merciful. Number two, be kind. Number three, be humble. Number four, work the problem, not the person. And number five, use self-restraint. But that's...we're not done yet. Let's go back to Galatians and see there's more to the formula here. Galatians chapter 3, verse 13. Verse 12 gave us five points, but verse 13 gives us another point.

Bearing with another and forgiving one another. Forgiving one another. So forgiveness is also a part of the formula. That's Strong's number 5483. 5483. Loa-nida defines the word forgiveness. To forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual. Notice how many times grace is mentioned here. As we have been recipients of God's grace, we are to pass that along. To forgive on the basis of one's gracious attitude toward an individual. Key idea? Forgive as we have been forgiven. And we've been forgiven everything.

You know, one of my favorite sayings is this. And again, I don't know where I first read this. This is not something I came up with on my own. But I've always enjoyed this quote. Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Holding a grudge against someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. The only person we hurt by holding a grudge and being non-forgiving is ourselves. When we react negatively to negativity, that's a whole different genre of problems that we face. There is the leaven of negativity. What does leaven do? It permeates everything. If we've got a negative attitude toward somebody, you know, they can do something really nice. But if we've got a negative attitude toward that person, even when they do something nice, we're thinking, yeah, I know, they're bending down to ask for forgiveness. I know what they're really doing. They're wanting to pull out the rug from under my feet. That's the reason they're bending over there. We don't want the leaven of negativity encroaching in our minds. Because once we allow that, it bleeds into so many other areas. We'll hold other grudges toward the same person or other people. We begin to think with an unbalanced, unsound mind. So we must be forgiving people. Let's go over to something that you turned to probably a great deal. I know I turned to all the time. Matthew 6, again, the Sermon on the Mount, core teachings.

Again, all in red lettering. Christ had an awful lot to say about bearing with one another.

Here we've got the model prayer, the sample prayer, the outline prayer.

Matthew 6, verse 12, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Now, I don't know about you, but when I'm asking God for forgiveness, which happens to be a lot of the time, I also say, Father, please forgive me as I do forgive others. And if I know I have got some unforgiveness in my heart, I discuss that with God and say, Father, I know I've got things I've got to work on. And I don't expect you to forgive me until I'm working with this, and you see that I'm working with this, and then I'll leave it up to your wisdom as to when you're going to forgive me. Verse 14, For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. So we must be forgiving people. Part 6 of the formula. Are we yet done? The answer is no. Let's go back to Colossians chapter 3. There is yet one more part to the formula.

Colossians 3, 14. We've read chapter 3 verse 12 verse 13. Now let's look at verse 14. But of all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Notice, put on love as a garment. We are to put it on. This is Strongs number 26. You know the word agape. Godly love.

It's not erotic love. It's not brotherly love. It's godly love. And what do we read earlier today in Matthew 5.44? I'll quote that for you, Matthew 5.44. But I say to you, love your enemies. Bless those who curse you. Do good to those who hate you. Pray for those who spitefully use and persecute you.

Love here is like a belt. It says that you put these things on.

And love covers all of it. It covers all of it. All of virtues are perfectly bound together by love. It's like a belt. Holy knees all in place. It's the bond of perfection.

1 Corinthians 13. The love chapter.

1 Corinthians 13, verse 1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.

So we can say things that sound really good, but if it's not in our hearts, if we really don't have love, it's just so much noise. And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith so I can remove mountains, but no one have love, I am nothing. We can know an awful lot about the Bible and prophecy and all sorts of things. We can even have faith, but if we don't have love, we don't have the best thing. But still, all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have love that profits me nothing. Well, atheists can do these things. People who don't believe in God can do these things. So love is something that we need. So in bearing with one another, we need this seventh area, which is love. Now, let's finish, going back to Galadians 3. One final thought. There are seven different parts to the formula. We've gone through all seven today. But notice one last piece of the puzzle here. Galatians 3, verse 15. Galatians 3, verse 15. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you also were called into one body, and be thankful. Let the peace of God rule. To live in peace doesn't mean it comes after all the issues are eliminated. No. We've got to work through those issues. Grace is required to work through those issues. We have to ask God for His grace. This kind of tranquility, this kind of peace, doesn't come from our effort alone. We must walk hand in hand with God. We're going to do what it says in Galatians 3, verses 12, 13, 14, and 15. We need God's grace. And the word says here, in verse 15, that peace of God will rule our hearts. The idea comes from athletics. They had athletics in Paul's day. They had the Olympics and so forth. Basically, the idea is there needs to be a referee. And peace should be the referee in our lives. What we're about to say and do is it refereed by peace. Will it bring peace? Or will it bring antagonism? Will it bring strife? Will it bring discord?

Peace needs to be something that is every bit a part of our lives. We must have peace inside us that says this is the way to go. What Christ taught you, that's the way to go. Not the way your carnal human nature wants to go.

And so finally, brethren, when we look at verse 15, and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which you also are called in one body, and be thankful. If we follow the formula we see here in verses 12, 13, and 14, then we'll have that peace. All issues won't disappear. The annoying person is not going to vaporize. But at least in our minds, we know we're working the way God would have us work with the situation. And to me, and I'm thinking to you, that's a big thing. That's a big thing. We know what our marching orders are, and we know what to do. So what is God's counsel for dealing with the difficult people in our lives, the sandpaper people, the people requiring extra grace? Let's do what it says here in Colossians chapter 3.