5 Major Roadblocks to Happiness

Ask people what they want out of life and often the answer will be along the lines of “to be happy.” We indulge our whims, wishes, dreams and passions in search for this elusive bliss. Yet very few seem to find it. Even with a successful career, affluent lifestyle and active social life, a persistent feeling of dissatisfaction still lingers.

A 2024 Gallup poll revealed just how widespread unhappiness has become, reporting that less than half (47%) of Americans say they are very satisfied with their lives. Of course, even without polls it’s obvious that many aren’t happy, especially when we look at the news or go on social media.

One reason is that people often have a distorted view of what happiness entails. Many see it as simply an emotional state, resulting from the attainment of external achievements or possessions, or as the outcome of doing something “fun” or “pleasurable.” Happiness is then viewed as something that comes and goes, depending on whether our desires are being fulfilled. Yet that thinking magnifies the problem, as we likely won’t be doing what we should to achieve real, lasting happiness, and we may even be doing things that impede it.

So, what is a more accurate definition of happiness? What is the best way to achieve it? What are some common barriers to happiness? The Bible, sometimes referred to as our “instruction manual for life,” elaborates a great deal on the answers to these questions.

Hundreds of passages in the Bible address this topic. Now the words happiness or happy are not always used; terms like joy, joyful, rejoicing, gladness and contentment might be used instead. However, all these concepts are linked together. If we’re joyful or filled with gladness, we’re also happy and content.

Summarizing these biblical passages, to be happy is a matter of being satisfied and at peace with the circumstances of our lives through good times and bad. It’s not a temporary feeling, nor is it dependent on whether life is “going great” for us, but is rather a way of thinking, believing and living. It’s a matter of being focused on what has eternal value, and not being totally consumed by our present desires for this life. It entails being content even during trials because we know that God will bring about good from them (Romans 8:28) and that He has a purpose for what we’re experiencing (Isaiah 64:8 and Philippians 1:6). We can rejoice because we know God’s ways work and His promises are sure no matter what happens.

The Bible expounds on numerous pitfalls that can sidetrack us in our pursuit of happiness. What follows are five such obstacles. This is not intended to be an exhaustive list, but it lays out some of most common thieves of joy. When we better understand what makes us unhappy, we will be able to better see the paths to true happiness.

1. Constant complaining.

Philippians 2:14 says to “do all things without complaining and disputing.” There are many reasons God doesn’t want us to be complainers, but ultimately it’s because it destroys us. Complaining never makes us feel better. On the contrary, if we’re depressed it makes us more depressed. If we’re upset, it makes us more upset. If we feel down, it dampens our mood even more. Those on the receiving end of our whining also feel worse.

The fact is, it is impossible to complain and feel satisfied or at peace at the same time. When we focus our attention on what we’re not happy with, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to experience and appreciate the blessings God has given us. We might not even recognize all the “good” that is right in front of us.

Case in point: I remember a camping trip with several families when it rained the entire weekend. The mosquitoes were out in full force, and we’d forgotten to bring bug spray. Our sleeping bag foam pads were not effective cushions for the hard, bumpy ground. Yet our group had made a pact of sorts that we weren’t going to spend the weekend griping about our very obvious “camping challenges.” Instead, we decided to focus on the fact that we were all grateful to have this time together. If we had grumbled the whole time, we wouldn’t have been thinking about the people we were with and building each other up. That camping trip was many years ago, and today it serves as a happy memory.

2. An “always wanting more” mindset.

We can get into the false way of thinking that to be happy we need more “stuff.” A lot of times this mindset manifests itself as financial greed, which the Bible cautions against. Hebrews 13:5 says, “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have” (New International Version). Ecclesiastes 5:10 adds, “He who loves money will not be satisfied with money, nor he who loves wealth with his income” (English Standard Version). Preoccupation with accumulating material things can make us restless and discontented. Once we’ve obtained what’s new, bigger or better, we often see something else we want.

As with complaining, we can become so fixated on wanting something else that we no longer savor what we already have. I’ve known people who spent much of their lives working lots of overtime so they could afford “more stuff,” and in hindsight they regretted this, as their relationships with family members and friends weren’t as healthy as they could have been (as they hadn’t made the time to nurture them). Yet it’s our connections with others, starting with our relationship with God, that provide real purpose and fulfillment to our lives.

A well-known Bible verse reads, “Godliness with contentment is great gain” (1 Timothy 6:6). Being content frees us from the pressures and stress that people put themselves through to try to obtain more material things. While it’s not inherently wrong to work hard for some nonessential extras, if our pursuit of material things has us neglecting vital relationships, we will live unfulfilled lives.

3. Comparing ourselves to others.

At times, we’ve probably all fallen into the comparison trap. Our coworkers or neighbors might tell us about their upcoming pool construction, their new country club membership or their kids’ academic successes, and we might feel shortchanged because we don’t have those things. Or we might go on social media and see posts about other people’s seemingly idyllic lives and impressive accomplishments. We forget that the information we’re presented with isn’t always the full story. We just know we feel sad or fed up because our own lives seem to be lacking in comparison.

The Bible warns us against comparing ourselves with other people: “For we dare not class ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12).

When we compare our careers, finances, families or achievements with others, we’ll almost always encounter others who top us, which can make us dissatisfied with our own lives. It’s a form of competition that never leads to happiness. Rather than make comparisons with others, a better idea is to compete with yourself. Strive to become a better version of yourself each day. Seeing personal growth can provide a sense of fulfillment.

4. Self-absorption

The natural human tendency is to be egocentric. We’re typically focused on our own feelings and perspectives, and what we think and want. But while this might be a natural way of thinking, being self-absorbed only makes us discontented. None of us gets exactly what we desire all the time. Other people don’t always do what we want them to do. And when that happens, if we’ve got a “me-first” mindset we’ll be unhappy because our desires aren’t fulfilled. A key to feeling at peace is not expecting or insisting things always go “our way.”

Another reason self-absorption is problematic is because it doesn’t show love to other people. Philippians 2:3-4 instructs us: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others” (NIV). When we get our focus off ourselves, the people we’re interacting with will be happier, and so will we.

I can think of a time when I felt wronged by a coworker and I hadn’t considered any point of view other than my own. I obsessed way too much about what happened and allowed my emotional pain to take over my thinking. All this did was make me unhappy. It wasn’t until I tried to better understand the other person’s perspective, acknowledging that she was facing her own challenges, that my unhappiness started dissipating. Instead of being preoccupied with my own hurt, I started trying to encourage her, which boosted her demeanor—and I was happier too.

While we do need to take care of ourselves, that should not be our main focus. A well-known verse in this regard is Acts 20:35: “There is more happiness in giving than in receiving” (Good News Translation). Whether we’re offering a gift, our time, our concern or our understanding, it is incredibly satisfying to give to others—even if that means making personal sacrifices or putting our own desires on the back burner.

5. Short-term thinking

Another human tendency is to become so preoccupied with the challenges and hardships we face right now that we can’t see past them. We might not be able to grasp the “silver lining” or how things might eventually get better when we’re in the heat of a fiery trial or facing a huge obstacle or test. We just know we are struggling or scared or feel worn out. Now we don’t have to pretend the pain and disappointments aren’t real. But we shouldn’t get stuck on this kind of short-term thinking either.

If the present “negative realities” are all we allow into our minds, we will never experience joy or peace of mind. We will only become very depressed or bitter. Colossians 3:2 says, “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things” (NIV). We need to always keep in mind God’s long-term plans for humanity and what He is accomplishing in us—especially when we’re hurting.

Experiencing tests and trials is one way we can grow in godly character strengths, such as perseverance, patience and hope (see James 1:3-4 and Romans 5:4). We also learn lessons, gain valuable insights and hopefully draw closer to God. In 2 Corinthians 4:17, we’re told, “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.” Acknowledging the good that can come out of our circumstances, even when what we’re enduring is really tough, can help us cultivate a joyful mindset.

Final thoughts: How to achieve true happiness

Achieving true happiness is a matter of avoiding pitfalls like those noted here and then striving to understand and obey God’s instructions for how to live, as spelled out in the Bible. The Bible assures us that we will be happy when we follow God’s laws (Proverbs 29:18), delight in God’s instruction and meditate on it day and night (Psalm 1:1-2), and keep God’s decrees and seek Him with all our heart (Psalm 119:2).

God’s commands show us how to love Him and our fellow human beings, and emphasize that we are not to make pleasing ourselves our top priority. Heeding is the way to a truly fulfilling, meaningful existence. As we strive to follow God’s teachings, we will come to see that His way of life leads to positive outcomes, which builds our trust in Him. Trusting in God brings peace. Proverbs 16:20 tells us that “whoever trusts in the Lord, happy is he.” As we learn to trust God more, we will increasingly look to Him for guidance and security, which further builds our sense of peace.

Moreover, as we see God’s hand in our lives, we’ll realize we have much to be thankful for. We will be able to see all that’s “right” about our lives and put our problems into perspective, grasping the ultimate good to come from our present circumstances. This promotes a contented mindset.

There have been difficult periods in my life when things were definitely not “going my way,” yet I still felt content. I knew God was taking care of me, and I was seeing firsthand how biblical principles were helping me work through my struggles. That’s what I was grateful for and what dominated my thinking. This is the kind of happiness that doesn’t disappear even when our “current realities” are unsettling or dismal.

There’s certainly nothing wrong with enjoying “temporary pleasures.” We all can benefit from that kind of emotional boost at times. But we always need to remember that real, lasting happiness comes from learning to live God’s way of life, drawing close to Him and making His ultimate goals for us our hope too.