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How to Fail at Life in College

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terribleadvice (510.84 KB)

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How to Fail at Life in College

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Few who go through the work of applying to go to college plan to drop out, right? 30% of college and university students drop out after their first year. Too often, students let their bad decisions force them out of college.

So I asked some college friends for their outrageously worst college advice. I put it here so you can recognize it and totally ignore it. Or, if you want to throw your dreams away, follow each one of them to disaster. Here are 23 ideas to help you succeed at completely failing at college*:

How to fail... #FINANCIALLY

  • Make sure you go out to eat every time your friends do.
  • Don’t let anyone make you second guess your decision to take out $100,000-plus in student loans to get that bachelors degree in philosophy; there are loads of well-paying jobs in that field.
  • Don’t worry about credit card debt—you can pay that off when you get a good job after you graduate.

Insight: One of the top reasons for dropping out of college is finances**. Be careful with your money. Your wise choices in this matter can really help your future. “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender” (Proverbs 22:7 Proverbs 22:7The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.
American King James Version×
, New International Version throughout). **livecareer.com/quintessential/- first-year-success

How to fail... #SOCIALLY

  • Don’t branch out and meet new people—just eat lunch in your car. It’s safe there.
  • Go to every party, no matter what it’s for, or if you’re invited.
  • Drop your music courses. You can learn all you need from the drum circle behind the dorms.
  • Establish your dominance on campus; start a fight with the biggest guy in the theater appreciation class.
  • Take every opportunity to show off to your classmates how smart you are. Share your random bits of knowledge during lecture by asking questions that start with “Isn’t it true that...?” It’s okay if it’s not even that related to what the professor is talking about.

Insight: Make connections with your teacher by being friendly and genuine. Having a healthy social life is really important. Having an unhealthy one—whether it’s loneliness and not making connections, or spending too much time with friends and partying—is among the top reasons many college students drop out.

Healthy relationships can encourage you to achieve more and bring great enjoyment to your college life. Choose good new friends. Nurture existing good ones. Good friendships can bring you closer to God and help you become the person you are striving to be. “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character’” (1 Corinthians 15:33 1 Corinthians 15:33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
American King James Version×
). “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17 Proverbs 17:17A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
American King James Version×
).

Being a Christian can be a challenge. You will meet many who don’t share your values. Jesus showed us the wisdom of when and how to share our faith gracefully with those who may spitefully challenge us. He also showed us how to lovingly share our faith with those who genuinely want to know more.

How to fail... #SPIRITUALLY

  • Neglect your Bible study and prayer; you can make up for it by going to ABC after you graduate.
  • Do some homework on the Sabbath. There’s no way you’ll be able to finish if you take a 24-hour break from school.
  • Skip church once in a while—you totally need a break.
  • You just met her, she doesn’t know about your religion, but she is very attractive and seems to be into you. Try dating her to see if God’s calling her into the Church.

Insight: Following God will keep you from missing out on physical blessings that come directly from obeying. There are huge benefits in following God and His laws. Taking the time to rest and spend time with God on the Sabbath can improve your overall physical health and help with your time-management skills. Going to services and maintaining your relationship with God and the support of your Church family can help you cope and even lower the stress of college life. Don’t listen to advice that pulls you away from the people who know you and are encouraging you to live God’s way.

Submit yourself to God. Some choices bring you closer to God; some pull you away. Make sure your feet are always pointed toward Him and that you are growing in your relationship with Him. This way you may be a good example and a light to others. “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you” (James 4:7 James 4:7Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
American King James Version×
). “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16 Matthew 5:16Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.
American King James Version×
).

How to fail... #ACADEMICALLY

  • You don’t need textbooks. They are expensive. All studying can be substituted by reading CliffsNotes or finding a movie about it on Netflix.
  • Use only Wikipedia as your source when writing essays and reports. In fact, just copy and paste directly from the site and use that.
  • Listen to your roommate: Sociology class isn’t till 9 a.m. and there are still two seasons left in your Dr. Who marathon.
  • If you don’t like a class, don’t bother withdrawing. Just stop attending. Administration respects activists who aren’t into the bureaucracy of filling out forms.
  • Don’t mention the Feast of Tabernacles until after it’s over and it’s finals week. They’ll appreciate not being bothered with things like that at the beginning of the semester.

Insight: Remember the reason you are here is to learn and to get a degree. Challenge your preconceived notions and take elective courses you wouldn’t normally think would be your favorite. Who knows—you might find out you love something you never would have considered. While you are in college, work hard and do it with all your might (Ecclesiastes 9:10 Ecclesiastes 9:10Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, where you go.
American King James Version×
).

How to fail... #BODILY

  • The freshman 15 definitely is a myth. Eat all you want and don’t bother exercising.
  • If you get sick, don’t go to the campus nurse. Just take any medical advice given to you by a guy who plays hacky sack in the quad.
  • Definitely get tacos at 3 a.m. the night before finals. Your belly will thank you.
  • Go out! You’ve still got two days to write your final paper. You do your best work under stress when you pull an “all-nighter” anyhow.
  • Be convinced by people that you’ve met at a party that alcohol isn’t that dangerous—it's real nickname is the “good decision drink.”

Insight: You need to take care of your body. You need to stay healthy to make it through college. And developing good habits in what you eat and in exercise can help you for the rest of your life. Your body is a gift from God (1 Corinthians 6:19-20 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 [19] What? know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which you have of God, and you are not your own? [20] For you are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.
American King James Version×
).

Take-aways

With any advice you get, ask yourself some questions: Does this help my relationship with God? Does it help me honor Him? Is this going to help my overall goals to be a better person?

College will be an amazing opportunity to grow, learn and become the smarter, stronger person you want to be. Enjoy it. Just don’t follow any terrible advice!

*(Seriously, these are supposed to be funny. Definitely don’t do any of these. These are really, really bad ideas!)

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