Self-control is extremely important (2 Peter 1:5-9 2 Peter 1:5-9 [5] And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; [6] And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; [7] And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. [8] For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that you shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. [9] But he that lacks these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and has forgotten that he was purged from his old sins.
American King James Version×). If you can’t control yourself, you open the door for other people to control you. Proverbs 25:28 Proverbs 25:28He that has no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
American King James Version×says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.” In ancient times, if a city did not have a wall, it would be easy for enemies to attack and conquer it.

If you don’t learn how to control things like your desires, temper, thoughts, language and impulses when you are young, it will be difficult for you when you eventually have to do it as an adult. If you can learn to control yourself early, you will be happier, healthier and more successful.

Another word for self-control is discipline. It takes discipline to be successful in anything in life. From working at a job to your walk with God to living a healthy lifestyle—it all takes discipline and self-control. As God’s people, we are advised to subdue our bodies and control them, instead of letting them control us (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 1 Corinthians 9:24-27 [24] Know you not that they which run in a race run all, but one receives the prize? So run, that you may obtain. [25] And every man that strives for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. [26] I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beats the air: [27] But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.
American King James Version×). Self-control is so important that it is even listed as one of the fruits of the spirit (Galatians 5:23 Galatians 5:23Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
American King James Version×).

How can you learn to control yourself and gain discipline? By taking a few minutes and using the STEM technique:

STop

Evaluate

Make a decision

If you start to become angry with someone: stop. Next, take a few minutes to calm down and evaluate the situation. Pray for guidance and for God’s help to maintain your composure. Consider your next step carefully. Analyze the negative and positive consequences of what you are about to do or say. Is the reply you want to make going to escalate the situation, or is it going to defuse it? Is there a better reply that would calm things down (Proverbs 15:1 Proverbs 15:1A soft answer turns away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
American King James Version×)? After careful thought and prayer, it’s now time to make your decision.

By reading your Bible and forcing yourself to use the STEM technique, you can discipline yourself. It’s not easy to learn to control yourself, and even once you learn how, it still takes hard work and prayer to continue doing it. If you do lose control, pray for help and forgiveness while striving to do better next time. Self-control is one of the most valuable traits you can learn. If you learn to control your words and actions, you will be like a strong, well-defended city, rather than a “city broken down without walls.”