Appreciate Your Mate

Well, good afternoon, everyone, in San Diego. So good to be here. The music from David and Christina, the newlyweds, was just absolutely inspiring. Praising God, and that's the way it should be. Enjoyed that very much. In fact, I've been feeling very good about coming to San Diego from a long time back here. Yesterday, as we left home in the morning, as I was pulling out of the driveway headed for the airport, I said, I just feel a special joy right now.

I never say that. I mean, well, I'm joyful, but I just said maybe it was because I know I was coming to see Robin Weber, and he always says that a lot. But it was more than that. It was just a very, very joyful feeling of coming here to Southern California, to San Diego, and visiting everyone and seeing everybody here for the conference. It's also very good to see people from the past that I have not seen in a long time.

Even though coming to a new church, I feel like I know quite a few of you here. We came to Los Angeles. We were planning this conference, and about five or six weeks ago, I told Chris Roland, who works at MMS, Ministerial Member Services, and he said, do you know if this was Easter weekend for travel? He said, no, I didn't.

I didn't know if this was Easter weekend. So what kind of people are we? We don't even know what Easter is. But anyway, that was Easter and spring break. Travel was extremely difficult this weekend, getting anywhere. And it was really hard getting good airfares to Ontario or even San Diego, but LAX was a lot easier. And actually, it's easier for us on our way home because we have several people to see here. But I'm really looking forward to the whole experience here this weekend of being with you in the message chat. I'm very anxious to see what this is all about.

Anyway, I am open for questions, or I have questions for you. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I'm sure I'll find out, and it'll be very interesting. Also, I want to thank Susan for her Bible here. I forgot my Bible back home in the rush of things for out here. And I've done that before, maybe once or twice, and I've used the Gideon Bible at the hotel.

And this time, the very worldly hotel that we're at does not have a Gideon Bible. So we were surprised to thank you, Susan, for helping me out with the Bible. Usually the Gideon Bibles are the old King James. And also just a word about Mr. Al Corrozo. It's just wonderful to see that name again. When I first was sent into the field ministry, which was in July of 1969, when I graduated from Ambassador College, I started out in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

And within, this is July, and within a month we had a district conference. And the person sent from Pasadena was Mr. Al Corrozo to speak to the ministry. At that time in our district, we had a number of new trainees, ministerial trainees. And he gave the most rousing speech that I still remember to this very day.

He said, I want you to pray that God use you as a tool in His work. And after this meeting here today, you go back to your room and pray that God uses you as a tool in His work. I didn't say goodbye to anybody, but he just got to run upstairs to the room and knelt on the bed and said, God used me as a tool in Your work. I still remember that very much.

What he said was, probably God has answered that prayer. I have always wanted to serve Him in His work. And it's just amazing how much time goes by over 45 years have gone by. Anyway, we're very happy to be here for the area, Ministerial Conference here in the Southwest. We have a lot of things to talk about. One thing is it brings the ministers together about every two years. In fact, the last time we had one here was over two years ago. It was October of 2013, and that was in Ontario. And we're bringing ministers...

this is actually our biggest one because we're bringing them from the mountain states as well. We have 70 people there tomorrow for the start of our conference. And the theme of the conference is creating an environment for growth. We truly believe that the greatest days of the United Church of God are ahead. We do have the truth of God. We want to live the truth of God.

We want to preach the truth of God. And we want to motivate others to be tools in God's work towards the truth of God and have them come to repentance as well. We do feel like the greatest days for us are ahead. I'll be talking about the church service itself, improving the church service experience. That has been one of our most interesting sessions where we break up into three groups, everyone.

And then we have the three aspects of first contact with people. And we get a lot of people come to our website. Every year we have about 7 million unique visitors to our website. 7 million people who just come upon our website. In fact, 95% of all people who come to our website come because they're searching for some information. And they come to our website.

And they oftentimes take further steps of ordering literature, of looking at other pages. They have a lot of interesting things that they want to stay with. And then they come to a point where, who are these people? Who is it that writes this stuff? And what's this Beyond Today magazine? And they come to the point of where they ask, what's the church behind this? That's a natural question for people to have.

And that's a very critical point. Because at this point, they want to know what the people look like, how safe it is, what kind of a group they're meeting with. And it's a whole new world they enter. Where they get away from the printed glossy magazine, the well-produced Beyond Today television program, our 36 booklets that we have, our Bible study course, plus the 30,000 pages of content that we have on our website. Actually, more than that, 60,000 pages of content that we have on our website. Just a tremendous amount. Almost you can find out anything on our website that you want to know about. In fact, as we're working on the new website here, we're asking ourselves, what can we ask our website?

Let's ask it a question. What does our website say about blueberries? We're just joking about that. Sure enough, there's a recipe for love and bread, you know, pancakes. Blueberry pancakes. We even had a statement about that. Maybe we have statements about so many things on there. And they come to a point, people come to a point where they want to find out about the church. So what do they meet? And of course, the first time is they first make the contact with the church.

And I would say anybody who has a computer is going to check the computer, the Internet first, to see what the church looks like. They want to see what the people look like. They want to get an inkling of what the church building looks like. They want to see just kind of how big it is, how small it is, you know. What does even a service look like? These are very, very important things that we couldn't find out about.

A lot of times we came in cold into the church. And also, people are afraid, people are more awkward about coming into new groups. It's very, very hard for people to join a new group or meet a totally strange group of people. So we have the group broken up into what do we do when they make that first contact. Number two, when they get past that, when they come to the door, the socializing part.

We have people actually come to the door and they just feel awkward and turn around and not come back for a long time because of just the reception or the way it looks, or they're just not ready for it at that time.

But then they get to the point where they socialize and be with people. And thirdly, our biggest section is the church service itself. And we're trying to ask ourselves the question, is how can we improve all those steps to bring people along? We want to make this a whole experience here of them coming to the knowledge of the truth, where the Sabbath is true to them. They come to the point of where they understand what happens at death.

They understand who God the Father, the Jesus Christ, is, what the Holy Spirit is. They're convinced about it. It's the truth to them. They'll believe that whether they come to us or not. But we want to bring them along so they can be encouraged further and grow in the faith. And so that's what we want to do, is to provide the best possible experience, you might say, for them in the church. So we have the third section is the church service itself.

What does the song leader say? What does the church stage look like? What kind of music is played? What is said even in the prayer? What type of sermonette is given? All this type of thing is included there.

So that's the third section we have. So then another section that we'll be talking about in this conference is the transitioning of leadership. We have had so many of our graduates from Ambassador College that really pretty much were within a 12- to 15-year period that came through all the way through from being trainees, and I'm part of that group, I think Mr. Weber is maybe on the edge of that group, that all came through at the same time.

They had their children at the same time. They had their grandchildren at the same time. They're retiring about at the same time, you know, within that spell. And what are we going to do beyond this? So we're talking about steps that we can take to bring on new leadership, new trainees. We have some tremendous new things that we have found. We have hired, in the last two years, 10 new ministerial trainees. We'll be hiring four more here just in a few months, and we're looking to the continuation of the future of the church.

There's a lot that we can say about that. Anyway, there's a lot more sessions here. I won't cover that with you, but it's just very exciting. I'm really excited about this conference. This is the last one in this series, and we'll be starting the round all over again in Cincinnati, probably after the Feast of Tabernacles in November. And our third, our first round of conferences was to be helpers of their joy. Number two, create an environment for growth. And the third one will be something to do with the vision for tomorrow's future or with tomorrow's leaders for the church.

I really like your bulletin, by the way. It has everything in there. Who does it? I do the wrong and the other side kind of go wrong.

Okay. Okay, nice job. I really appreciate that. In fact, I want to show some of that tomorrow at the conference, or at least I like the way you have the Beyond Today television programs, the mission statement, and everything else. Well, today I'll be talking about a subject that I don't speak about very much. I used to speak about it more when we did seminars on the subject, but I have not spoken on it normally much in the last several years, not since I have not been in the pastoral ministry.

We've heard the expression, do you take this woman, do you take this man, to be your lawful wedded husband, lawful wedded wife, for as long as you shall live? Oh, yeah, sure. That's fine. Great. No. It's like it's forever. And then the vows are given, and then the statement is made, death, do you part? Again, that's something far off. And to some it's taken as a literally expression almost like you're not going to die.

You're just going to continue to live forever, or we're not going to worry about that right now. But the day will come when you will part from your mate. One will become the grieving widow or widower. We had a number of ministers who have died this past year. Vern Hargrove called me in December. He says, Victor, he says, my wife died. She was in bed with me, and I could not even say goodbye to her.

She died of a heart attack in her sleep. I couldn't even say goodbye to her. I had a wonderful marriage of over 50 years. He was crying. I take a look at the marriage of my parents, my mom and dad. It was almost like it was forever. My mom and dad were just a lovely couple. They had five children, and I was the oldest of five.

And my dad died at the age of 42. My mother was a widow at age 40. They were married for only 21 years. I think of myself as I've been married for a lot longer than that. All of us kids have been married for a lot longer than that.

The length of time I've been married to Bev has been a very, very short time in comparison. I mean, in just how it feels. It feels like we were married yesterday. I still remember that so well.

When was the last time you looked at your wedding pictures? Do you remember your hopes, dreams, the optimism when you started your trip together in marriage?

And how does your current vision of marriage compare with those captured on your wedding pictures? Well, you're saying, maybe some of you are saying right now, well, what does this sermon have to do with me? I'm not married. Or I am widowed.

Or I was married. So how does this apply to me?

Well, it applies to everyone because marriage is the very highest of human relationships. But even beyond that, marriage is a relationship that pictures God's most valuable qualities as they are expressed through humanity. God is love. God is love. Marriage is based on love.

God loves humanity and is wanting to reproduce himself.

A marriage reproduces human beings, one after another. God is faithful to us. One of the greatest characteristics of a marriage is faithfulness. So these principles that are in marriage also apply to our relationship with God. Jesus Christ is the bridegroom. The church is the bride. Someday, one day soon, they will be married.

So that's important. It's important for us to have a respect and honor towards that. We need to understand God's values towards marriage.

Also, if you're not married, who knows? You might get married someday yet.

We need to become, in the church, especially in the times in which we live, proactive and positive when dealing with marriage, which has been under historical, unprecedented attack.

In the past year, same-sex marriage has been allowed, which violates all the purposes that God had in marriage regarding natural love and the development of family and children. This violates that right very, very straight.

Well, today, we do want to talk about how to appreciate your mate and to appreciate marriage itself.

I feel it's important for our church to speak out on this. And we did speak out on this very, very immediately in the end of June this past year when the Supreme Court decision to allow same-sex marriage was given and handed down, we immediately made a statement. I'm glad the Council of Elders and the administration pulled together, and we got it out there right away. We didn't want to have something that we said two weeks later and said, Me too! Yeah, we believe that marriage should be held up. We want it to be in the forefront. We want it to stick our necks out, whatever that might mean, about what we mean and what we believe and what our values are towards marriage.

Now, this is only one sermon. I could talk about marriage for a long time. There's so much to be said. And I used to enjoy being part of marriage seminars. When I still was a pastor, we had a number of marriage seminars with ministers. We'd get together on weekends. This was in St. Louis and St. Petersburg, Florida, other places. And we would have Saturday night and all-day Sunday, we'd have different presentations made by different ministers about finances and marriage, children in marriage, communications, peacemaking, and so forth, all these subjects that were given. And you can talk about this for a long time. But today, I'm focusing simply on appreciation of your mate, because the day will come when they will no longer be a part of your life. There's one couple that I know that had some challenges in their marriage. And he died of pancreatic cancer at a very, very young age in his 30s. And the woman said to me, he was such a good guy. He was such a good guy. She was grieving so much that in spite of the sparks that oftentimes flew in their marriage, he was really a good guy. She was appreciating him, but now he's gone. So I'd like to explore three specific ways that you can appreciate your mate and marriage itself, but I won't go to those three until I say a few things before that. A key to understanding marriage, as I've already mentioned here, is that we need to connect our relationship in marriage, husband and wife, to the relationship that God intended, but also that he practices with humanity. I used to work on the Divorce in a Marriage Committee. It's a committee that reviews marriages that occur in the church, which sadly does happen. I had read dozens, maybe a couple hundred marriage and divorce cases where a decision was asked to be made, were we bound or were we not bound? Were we bound for eternity or as long as we shall live? Or was there some reason that our marriage on a technicality or some reason biblically could be broken and we are free to remarry? I read many of these things, and you know what came to me after a while, after reading so many things? And I really just really wonder about the write-ups themselves because most of them are very, very unhappy, ugly about people's failings in a marriage.

One thing that came to me was that a lot of times the problems in marriage had nothing to do with some technicality, biblical technicality of marriage. It had very little to do with what he said, she said, because you could never find the truth to the case. But what you found, more than anything else, was very, very selfish human carnal behavior.

A very ungodly behavior in a state of mind that really wasn't having to do with the biblical qualifications for marriage or the biblical criteria for marriage of being bound or not bound, but just nasty people. People that weren't willing to be wanting to subject their life to the principles of God's law, God's principles, God's attitudes, and God's love.

What we need to our marriage, and it's very important as far as our marriage is concerned, I'll cover some of these points, is that we need to approach our marriage like we do our spiritual conversion. You come, all of us have come to a point of where we're sick and tired of what we've been. I know that day came to me at one time, a long time ago, before I was baptized. I said, God, I don't want to think the way I do. I don't want to be like I am. I want to get rid of these habits, and I'm asking you to help me. And I came to the point of repentance and change and was baptized. In a sense, marriage is the same. You come to a point of where you are selfish. The other person also has their selfish qualities about them.

But you come to a point of where you can live together and not only make it, but live in a harmonious, total marriage by living up to the qualities of Christian behavior, of what Christianity is.

We'll cover that in one of the points.

Also, we have immature idealism that hinders our appreciation for marriage and appreciating our mates. We have such delusions about when you get married and very young, it's going to be just wonderful all the time. You won't have the trials. And young couples that come into a marriage, all of a sudden, after the glow, the honeymoon, and everything else, it gets to be the drudgery of day-to-day life.

They become bewildered. I thought it wasn't supposed to be this way. In the movies, it looks so much better.

Well, Paul understood the vital difference between the Christian ideal and human reality, even when you have the Holy Spirit of God. This is one of the keys to understanding our ability to cope with and build a good human relationship.

For one thing, the Apostle Paul said in Philippians 4 and verse 13.

He said, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. The Apostle Paul actually had many idealistic statements that he made that may be misconstrued by people as that's the way it's always going to work. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. But also, Paul said in Romans chapter 7 and verse 19. This is after Paul had been an Apostle for many, many years. Romans chapter 7 and verse 19. Paul said, for the good that I will to do, I do not do. He said, the things that I really want to do right. He said, I don't do them always.

But the evil I will not to do, that I practice. So there is the reality of living day-to-day life along with ideals and Christian idealism. The Apostle Paul never fully completed his goals for preaching the Gospel before the Roman government executed him. Now, right now, what would you say? That if God took your life tomorrow, would you say that you are ready? That you have really crossed the line, the finish line, you have a hundred on your report card, that you are good enough, whatever? I feel mixed about it in my own life. I really do. I feel like I have really tried hard.

I have really tried to do a lot for people. I have tried to change my life. I have tried to have a good marriage. But it is not totally what it should be. My working with people is not totally what it should be. I am aware of what I should be doing, but I don't always do it. And that is what the Apostle Paul could say. He says, the things that I wanted to do I don't always do, but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

And here is what Paul said shortly before he died. He confessed, or he disclosed this to Timothy in 2 Timothy 4, verse 7. Paul says, I have fought the good fight, Timothy. I have finished the race. Pretty much it is like an obituary here. He says, I have finished the race. I have kept the faith. Finally, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give to me on that day, not to me only, but also to all that have loved his appearing.

I look at that passage as a passage for myself. I have really tried. God, my attitude, I have tried to be as right as I possibly could. I have had my moments. There are times when I said I want to do certain things and I have not done them. Sometimes because of neglect, sometimes because of stubbornness, sometimes because of other reasons. But I do know that I have really tried. Well, as you take a look at marriage itself, you have ideals that you can live by, and you can have the reality of what is faced day in and day out.

Paul did not become disheartened by the reality of his walk as compared with the ideal about which he preached. He wasn't disheartened. I say it to all Christians that let's not be disheartened by reality. Let's not throw the towel in.

Let's not say let's quit. Whatever it is, our spiritual walk, our marriage, whatever it is that we're doing with the church and our walk here, because you're not going to achieve perfection. But you also should strive. You should also be ready to say that I have fought the good fight. I'm prepared. I'm prepared for Christ to give me his crown. The ideal the Apostle Paul writes about here is in Philippians 3 and 12 again. Paul was an amazing person in that he disclosed a lot.

I think Romans 7, where he talks about he didn't do the things that he should be doing. For an Apostle to say that is really disclosing the deepest inner thoughts. And I can disclose the same myself. I am not perfect. He also was able to say that I have fought a good fight. He also writes in Philippians 3 and 12, Not that I have already attained or am already perfected, but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Jesus Christ has laid hold of me.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended. He says, I don't think that I've totally made it, but one thing I do, I forget those things which are behind and reach forward to those things which are ahead. Always this pressing forward. I press forward towards the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Therefore, let us, as many as are mature, have this mind. Verse 16, Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind.

He had that looking forward. But also, John writes in 1 John 1, verse 8, you have to put all this together, you have to get the whole picture of what life is really like. And you know it, and I know it. That we have ideals that we see before us. We see what we should be. We see what we want to be. We have goals to which we strive for. We also see where we fall short. And this is why we at the Passover read passages like this, which will be coming up here in not too many weeks.

1 John 1, verse 8. But if we say that we have no sin, and this is writing to people in the church, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. But if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us.

And as much as every single one of us still sins, and there is not a single person here that is totally righteous by all the things that you do, all of us have fallen short, whether it is indeed, whether it is an attitude, through neglect, in any other way that sin is defined. Our marriages inevitably will be affected by sin, by the things that we fall short in. Realistically, every marriage will fall short of God's glory, just as we do individually. Also, if we demand more highly of marriage in our mates, with these idealistic expectations, we will experience disappointment, disillusionment, and maybe even anger towards God. Why did you give me this man? Why did you give me this woman? As a Christian, we expect trials, persecution, and suffering. Every Christian marriage, both partners remain finite and human. So why assume that God is going to guarantee you perfection? Well, what can we do? What can we do to show appreciation towards our mate, and in that sense, appreciation for the institution of marriage? I have three things here for you. Again, I wish we could almost give a whole seminar, because I love marriage seminars, because of all the things that you talk about in a very, very open environment, where couples usually, married couples, come and everybody shares their thoughts and ideas and questions. Number one, move forward with a positive mindset of marriage and your mate. It's so easy to get negative. Move forward with a positive mindset of marriage and your mate. I feel that Philippians 4, we are in Philippians here, Philippians 4, verse 8, Paul writes this, and this is so true about so many things, but especially marriage, and should be applied to marriage. Verse 8, finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there be any virtue or if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. Talk about them. The things which you have learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. What about those things about your wife, your husband that are true and noble? Talk about those things. Have a positive relationship in bringing back and to complement them about what is right. What do you tell your mate about what is right with your marriage? There are things that are right. Often times a marriage devolves to a point of where you don't see anything when things are fine, but when things go south, things go a direction that you don't want them, that becomes a talking point. That becomes a thing that becomes of interest. But the apostles said, whatever things are good, talk about those things. We used to say to have a rule that before you make one criticism, give nine compliments. Well, to some of that is over the top. They can't do that. But you should be able to give compliments to your mate. There were things that were true on your marriage day, on your wedding day, in your courtship, in the early days of your marriage, that excited you about your mate. What were those things? Try to bring them up again. Try to revive them. Try to compliment them on those things that they may have been. Say that, I know you're capable of those things. If there's anything praiseworthy, meditate, think about, and comment about those things. Marriage, again, is one of the most important applications of this verse.

Do you honor your mate? Most of you maybe have heard of the author Gary Smalley, who died here March 6th. He wrote so many wonderful books about marriage and family. The one that I really liked a lot was the gift of honor. It wasn't just about marriage, but the importance of honoring people around us to even honor our children.

It's so different from worshiping. We don't worship our mates, but we honor our mates. We show that respect and honor. You know why people act badly one towards another, where conflict develops, even in the work of the church that I do, even with ministers? It's when people dishonor one another, when people demean one another, when people say things that are ugly about one another. That causes the greatest of conflicts. That causes nations to go to war with one another, when people disrespect and dishonor another. That is what causes problems right from the get-go in a marriage, when there is dishonor. When you are courting, when you're showing your best side, when you want to be appreciated, when there are reasons to be that way, you will act that way. But then, when you have marriage and it continues into regular day-to-day life, you find yourself not showing that respect and honor that you should. Do you compliment and encourage your mate? Sometimes you'd be surprised as to the kind of performance and conduct you would stimulate as a result of encouragement and compliments. That is so important. It needs to be brought up from time to time. Do you focus on the strengths of your mate? Or do you fixate on shortcomings? Because the shortcomings are always there. The person who has those shortcomings oftentimes knows they have those shortcomings. But that's what is brought to the fore. That is what is brought to the top. Are you nitpicking, or are you complimenting? Dwelling on problems magnifies your significance. Count your blessings and be thankful for them. Again, there was some reason why you did marry who you did. There were certain things that really brought you together, that really bonded you at the very beginning. Can you compliment the person for what they were or the potential that they have? This doesn't mean, though, that we just overlook big problems that are in a marriage. They, of course, need help from the pastor or from professional counseling. But in day-to-day marriage situations, between a husband and wife, we have a reasonable marriage. You should be able to magnify the good. There are different types of marriage. The best marriage, there was one survey that was done here, which I thought was just most interesting about the kinds of marriages, a total marriage, where the two are one, when you talk to one, you feel like you can talk to the other. There are people that I talk to when I talk to the husband or to the wife. They're together. They know each other's business, so to speak. They know each other's thoughts, and they share what they have. Then, going down, there's a marriage which has a relationship that's marked by frequent interaction and communication, but has times of separateness. Then there are passive marriages. Then there are devitalized and, of course, the conflicted marriages. But we can move up from any of these steps to the total marriage. I love my wife very much. I feel like the two of us work together so much, I don't know what I'd do without her. I feel with the two of us working together, we really have three people on the job. We have me and her and whatever this extra force is that comes out from the two of us. It works out so very, very wonderfully. But we need to be complementing one another, honoring one another, honoring and respecting our mates.

I'm about to say something here, but I don't know. My wife has been meeting with a group of women. They've been going through some DVDs and discussing about marriage. I knew they were doing something. I wasn't sure what it was. But all of a sudden, my wife is just really nice. I come home from work. I thought, well, that's nice. That's really great. I knew there was something there. Then, coming back the next day, it's the same thing. It's just really, really nice. The third day, I said, okay, what are you reading? What are you ladies talking about? Whatever it is, keep talking, because it's really wonderful. I just really enjoyed that very much. But even though I knew that they were studying that and looking at that, it really does feel good. A person does want to be honored. You want to be honored. I want to be honored. I want to be respected. You know, when somebody honors me and shows respect towards me, it makes me, at least the way I'm thinking about it, they're really going overboard. I really don't need all those compliments. I better live up to those compliments. I better look at some of the things that I've been neglecting, or some of my brusque-ness, or some of my putting off, or stopping conversation, or interrupting, or whatever it is that a person does, because I really want to be a better mate. So the first way to show appreciation towards your marriage is to move forward with a positive mindset of your marriage. Number two, view marriage and your mate from a biblical Christian perspective. A biblical Christian perspective. Our marriage, or your marriage, is far bigger than just something between you and your mate. It is something which represents a relationship that God has with humanity, that Jesus Christ has with His Church, that God, who is love, who is building His family. Marriage itself is only a way of expressing something far bigger than the physical relationship that we have. We have a lot said about that in the very first chapters of the Bible. Turn with me to Genesis chapter 1. Genesis chapter 1. You'll see some very, very important, rudimentary early truths that have been put into the Bible, that sets the basis for the relationship between human beings and human beings and God. Something which is violated over and over throughout the Bible by human beings. But it's going back to the origins that we see the way it should have been. Genesis chapter 1, verse 26. God said, Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness, and then He said, Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea. Over the birds of the air, over the cattle, over all the earth. Verse 27, So God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created Him male and female. He created them. And He said, Let them have dominion over the whole earth, over everything that's in the earth. God showed respect for both sexes. He didn't say to Adam and your mate. He said, Let them have dominion over all the fish of the sea and over everything. Both male and female were given dominion over God's creation. And as male and female co-stewards over creation, Adam and Eve were of equal worth to God, but had differing responsibilities. From the very beginning, there was a sense of equality shown to both man and woman. They just have different roles that they play. Genesis chapter 1 and Genesis chapter 2 describe how humanity was to experience a right relationship, first of all, with their Creator.

Number 2 was creation, dominion over it, and then with each other. They were to bond with one another to be one. God made man in His image, and humanity has dignity and responsibility beyond any creature in God's creation.

There is no other creature in creation—apes, turtles, fish—that have the dignity, that have responsibility, that have stewardship in the same way that humanity has. The quality of stewardship reflects in how well we care and manage our marriage relationship as well.

In the very first chapters of Genesis, God describes with great happiness how everything was good and how it was created. But the only not-good element recorded in the Genesis account was Adam's lack of suitable human companionship. Take a look at Genesis chapter 2. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18.

The Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. It is not good for man to be alone. Everything else was good. Night and day, water separated from the permanent, everything was good as creation came about day after day. But after Adam was created, He says, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. Somebody who will be corresponding to him. Not just somebody who is just a helper, like a slave or an employee, or somebody who would just live there or to bear his children even. But somebody who would correspond to him. Somebody who would lift us out of deadly preoccupation with ourselves.

God intends that we have a relationship that corresponds with one another. You'll make a helper comparable to Him. One who will love back to our love. One who cares and returns for our care. And one who we can talk to and share in mutuality.

Man and woman are intended by their Creator to live in a relationship of corresponding and answering one another. Physically, body to body, mind to mind, and spirit to spirit.

It's interesting looking at the recent death of Nancy Reagan and some of her comments towards her husband, she called Ronnie, Ronald Reagan.

And some of the comments were just tremendous in how she viewed her role. She was a very, very strong woman. She had very strong opinions and thoughts. In fact, she looked upon as the one who really convinced him to stand up to Gorbachev and to tear the wall down in Berlin. To really have a lot to do to what happened ultimately to the Soviet Union collapsing as an evil empire under the rottenness of its own defunct values.

But she was a person who said that when she was not around him, she didn't even feel like a complete person. She didn't even feel complete not being around her husband. Amazing! And yet she was a very strong woman, probably one of the strongest influences to a president that we know historically, it's hard to say exactly, all the influences that women had. My wife has a very, very strong influence on me. And I don't feel complete without her. I love traveling with her. When I'm without her and I don't travel with her, I'm not the same person. Totally. I wish I could consult with her, I could talk to her, I could get her ideas on things. And some of them I appreciate and some I don't, as she appreciates certain things for me and some things that she does not. But we correspond with one another. We share our thoughts. We express mutuality.

The first recorded human expression of exaltation celebrated the closest possible human relationship, which is marriage. Genesis 2, verse 23. This is the first marriage. Adam said, now that Eve was created, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. You know what he's saying here? She's a part of me! This is what you have here, came out of me. This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. And she was taken out of his side. It really was a representation of what her role would be with Adam.

Her role was to be a helper by his side. She wasn't made from his foot. Neither was she made from his head. She was made from his side because that's her rightful place of being with him. Both of us are co-heirs with Jesus Christ. Husband and wife have the same standing. In fact, if there's a hierarchy in the world tomorrow based upon relationships, I'll be working for Bev. I'm pretty sure. Could I consider her a person that has very, very strong values?

1 Peter 3, verse 7. Another passage that shows the respect and honor that God originally had for marriage and for the wife.

Husbands, 1 Peter 3, verse 7. Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife. So as to the weaker vessel, and weaker is not in mental or spiritual spheres, I can beat my wife in arm wrestling.

And as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered, we're to give honor and respect to our wife because we are heirs together. We have equal opportunity, men and women. And it's very important that through a marriage that that comes through, our roles come through.

Marriage itself serves not only you and your spouse, but the church and society. It is the best relationship for nurturing children. Orphanages are far second because they're needed. But we don't produce children and set them off someplace. Or we shouldn't.

The relationship of the parents' mom and dad to their children is the most nurturing of relationships to bring up the best growth in children. God's marriage is a powerful witness for young adults to emulate, especially in a society that suffers from too many deficient role models.

Also, marriages may successfully handle activities better, such as caring for orphans, better than orphanages, better for aged parents than social agencies. A good marriage is the best environment for that. Also, a strong marriage offers the effective resources for serving God's church more effectively. We have just hired 10 ministerial trainees, or six last year and four this year. In every single case, when we did our search and chose the people we did, we looked at their marriage. We looked at how they relate to one another, what they've done, how they talk to each other, and how they would work in a church.

Number three, the third way to show appreciation to your mate, is to concentrate on ever-growing, loving service to your mate, coupled with mutual submission in your marriage. Subjection or subordination does not necessarily imply inferiority.

A fact in Ephesians 5, verse 21. A lot of Christian living involved here. Ephesians 5.

Actually, beginning with verse 18, I like this whole chapter because it really leads to the relationship in marriage.

5. 18. Ephesians.

Do not be drunk with wine, which is a dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit. Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Giving thanks always for all things to God our Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submitting to one another in the fear of God. Now, really what comes up next is talking about marriage. But it talks about giving way is to be considerate of others. One reason for conflict is that people don't submit to one another. They don't yield to one another. Talking about outside of marriage. You mean, I'm talking about other relationships. Conflict comes because people don't give, people don't understand, people don't want to take another person's point of view.

They say, be filled with the Spirit. Part of being filled with the Spirit is to submitting to one another in the fear of God. Well, I have to submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now, here it talks about the wife being submissive to her husband, but it's already subordinate here to submitting one to another. Now, is my wife the head of our home? Absolutely not. I know that I am. I make the final decisions on things. She makes the final decision on things. I have to take the responsibility for it. She says, well, you do what you want to do. And when she comes and has to make a statement like that, I know that I have to make that decision. But also, I know that when she feels strongly about certain points and I don't, I try to get more information, more facts, and try to see where she's coming from. My wife pretty much handles Africa for so many of our projects that we do overseas. She's so totally engrossed and involved with that. She spends hours every day working on that. And she says, we should be doing this. I say, oh, you still want to do that anymore. No, I think that we should. Here's why, and so forth. And, you know, after a while, I just say, okay, you know, okay, maybe that's what we should do. I know you really would like that. I see that you've done your research, and you can do it. And I, so to speak, submit to her desires. Submit to all kinds of her desires because that's the way that brings peace in our relationships, as she submits to the desires that I have. Again, what happens in a marriage is very similar to what happens in our spiritual development, growth, and what we call overcoming.

We come to a point where we want to make right and good decisions. We want to do things that show a changed, reformed, restored, renewed lifestyle. But we don't always do it. And we don't burn happy. And the same thing is true in a marriage. If you don't live up to the things that you know you should be doing and just let things slide, that's when things really go in the wrong direction.

Let us be filled with the Spirit. Mutual submission.

So, there are three major ways for appreciating your mate and appreciating your marriage. First of all, focus on the positive features of your marriage. Number two, remember that marriage is more than a natural union. It's not just a biological thing that kind of evolved. We know that.

But it's something which is a divine institution of being made in God's image and which represents aspects of what God is. That God is love. That God is developing a family. That Christ is marrying the Church. And thirdly, showing appreciation by mutual submission to one another in loving service and respect to Christ.

Remember, you probably love your mate more than you think you do. In talking to widows and widowers, believe me, that is something that really comes out very, very fast. She was a great woman. He was a great guy. He really had a lot of value. Show them right now. Show that appreciation right now. You will not always have them.

We live our lives right now. This is the way it's going to be forever. We kind of know it's going to come to an end. We don't want to think about it, but you will not always have them. And thirdly, you can do more. Every single one of us can do more. I'd like to read from an article that appeared in the December 1991 Reader's Digest.

To me, it's a story that really brings out the love and respect and also the temporariness of marriage and the appreciation that should be shown. The article is entitled, My Fair Lady. This is from the Northeast magazine. It was condensed to Reader's Digest. It will just take me 10 minutes to read, but I think it really will tell what I really want to hear in conclusion to really make my point. Every year, the author is Owen Canfield. Every year, because Ethel put it in her budget, we piled into the station wagon, the dozen of us, and went to the Country Fair in Goshen, Connecticut. Remember, Ethel said, stay together, don't touch the animals. We won't go on the rides today, okay? But later, surprise. It was 1968, and the baby was eight months old. Ethel pushed the stroller, and I rode herd on the other kids ages 2 through 11, as we took in the sights of the fairgrounds. There was so much to see, and we'd always stop to chit-chat with friends. Halfway through, Ethel steered to the shade of the kitchen chicken barn. Knowing what was coming, the kids clustered around her. Okay, who wants a hamburger? As the cheer died down, she fished in her purse, counted carefully, and handed me the precise sum of money. Take Kevin and Kathy and Steve and Sharon with you to help.

Then she handed Linda the oldest more money and said, you and Sheila and Owen, get the sodas. I'll take the little ones to see the chickens. Along the way, I stopped and looked back at her with her pink and white checkered shorts, white blouse and tennis shoes. Even with her salt and pepper hair, she looked girlish. Your mother's beautiful, I said to my kids. Ethel would have frowned had she heard me. You're hopeless romantic, she often said.

Well, at the fair, we feasted and again absorbed into the midway crowd, and finally it was time to go home.

Do we have to go? Came the usual chorus.

It's time, said Ethel. We had a nice morning. But what's our surprise? Are we going to get corn?

I already got the corn. Who wants a balloon? Another cheer. She fished again, handed me money, and said to the kids, Go with your father, and to me, be sure to get different colors. Aren't the blue ones beautiful?

I bought ten of the balloons, amazed that she had budgeted for this, too. Ten dollars was a fortune to us.

We ate sweet corn that night, and someone said, Boy, did we have a good time at the fair.

Two of the balloons had popped, one floated into the sky, and for a day or two the others hugged the living room ceiling.

Ethel was a genius at stretching money, but short-lived helium balloons seemed extravagant to me.

But they were important to her. Kids should have something to take home from the fair, she explained.

We returned every year to Goshen, and every year there were fewer hamburgers to buy.

When the 1980s arrived, Ethel and I were going alone and calling it a date.

Our best fair date was our last, in 1987.

We were young grandparents, best friends anticipating the exciting decade of our 50s.

The budget was not as tight. We had 32 years of marriage that had succeeded, because each of us had put the other first every day.

Her hair was silver now. I had a paunch.

Ethel reminded me that I should lose weight, but on fair day she indulged me.

I suggested a pizza. That would be nice. Oh, and it's only 9 o'clock in the morning.

Well, a man gets hungry with all his walking in the hot sun.

Oh, all right. You're starting too early, though.

We walked through the midway, kidding and greeting friends, then watched the animal judging.

I said, you know, you still look great in shorts.

She said, oh, shut up.

Well, you do. I took her hand and she said, oh, and we're in our 50s.

But she indulged me in this way, too.

And we walked along, holding hands as we had when we were 19.

Look at that guy with all his muscles, she whispered.

He's flexing his biceps, hoping his girlfriend will see. Yeah, I said, basically, I'm built that way myself.

She elbowed my ample stomach and laughed out loud.

We remained early until afternoon, and then she bought sweet corn.

Some of the kids were coming for supper.

When we drove off, I said, that was the best day yet.

I put my hand on hers and we drove along the way.

Later, I wondered if she knew, even then, that she would be dead.

In less than a year. I believe she did.

The changes in seasons became difficult to endure.

Without her, she had protected me with her perfect love.

She never said, together we can make it.

We just made it, because we tried so hard.

She never asked me to have a good heart.

She had her own good heart, and trusted me to copy it.

She didn't say, I won't give up on you.

When I was down, she just never gave up.

That first September, after her death, I sought to ease my loneliness at the fair.

I went looking for peace, I suppose, but more likely, looking for her.

I walked the joyless midway, gagged on the food, and tried unsuccessfully to watch the cows being judged.

That was our day at the fair, but she was gone.

What a mistake coming here, I thought.

I started to leave, walking rapidly as if trying to out-distance the pain.

Then I saw the man with the balloons.

I stopped and stared at him, remembering.

I'll take the blue one, I said finally.

The country cemetery was deserted.

I tied the balloon to a basket of flowers, fronting the handsome stone.

On which were engraved the words, Ethel Canfield, beloved wife, mother of ten.

Suddenly, a young father and his boy appeared.

The child, perhaps three years old, had seen the balloon and became excited.

Hello, I called. Come over here a minute.

I snapped the string and put it into the youngster's hand.

It's from the fair. Do you like it?

Ethel would have wanted him to have it, I knew.

I drove off, laughing, hearing her laughing with me.

She was there in my heart, and she would always be.