Keys to unlock a Happy Marriage Part II

You know, marriage can be a beautiful thing. I know you probably have seen people that have been buried a long, long time. And it's obvious they love each other. They care for each other. You know, Jones' mother and father were married for 67 years, and they were just so loving toward each other, right up until the very last of their lives. They showed and demonstrated that love for each other. You know, or, marriage can be the opposite. It can be a curse upon somebody that it can affect their life in a very negative way. So how can you have a successful marriage? You know, what are the keys, as we spoke about the last time I spoke on this subject, what are the keys to unlock a happy marriage? We didn't finish the message, we just quit in the middle of it. So this is part two of that message on, you know, keys to unlock a happy marriage. And we're going to talk about the other keys. I think I gave you three keys, and I've got four more to give you. So you can't unlock the marriage, a successful marriage, a happy marriage, unless you have all the keys. You gotta have all the keys dangling from the chain, all right, to make a happy marriage. I'm going to give you the first three we talked about the last time, since it was so long ago, I think about a month ago, that I talked to you about this subject. Number one, I spoke about understand the purpose of marriage. What marriage is all about? It says in the very beginning, it says being joined together as one, you know, is a message that we read in the book of Genesis, that two people become one. You don't have two people that are in a relationship that are separate and distinct so much, but they are one, you know, with one another. They are in unison with one another. So from the Garden of Eden, that has been the message that what marriage was supposed to be about. Number two point, and again, we'll go through these quickly, understand the needs of men and women. Women have different needs than men. I think we all understand that, or we should. Women, though, are made equal, equal, underline that word equal, to complement her husband in marriage. You know, and God made the husband the head of his wife in marriage, but a husband should not lord it over his wife. That's not what God intended in marriage, never has, in fact, intended that in marriage, that he would be sort of like the lord of the banner, and that everybody has to kowtow to him. Rather, as 1 Peter 3 verse 7, as we mentioned to this last time in the message, that husbands should dwell with their wives with understanding. In other words, having some understanding upstairs in our minds, giving honor to the wife, as it says very clearly in 1 Peter 3 verse 7, giving honor to the wife, showing her respect, understanding then the roles God wants husbands and wives to play in marriage in the marriage relationship is vital to a successful marriage. Marriages fail because society has done two things. Number one, they have altered the roles of men and women in marriage. They've altered them as to what they have been, and in fact, in the past. You don't have to really go that far back when we were a little more on track in society with marriage and the different roles that husbands and wives should play.

Society has either altered them or abandoned them altogether. That's why we have so many people shacking up together now. That's why we have people that are, their marriages don't last. They're getting the wrong message from society. And frankly, they're getting wrong messages from the churches of this world as well. We're not teaching. Those things are in this book, in the Bible. Number three we talked about last time is have a right attitude toward your mate. You know, attitude is everything in marriage. What is your attitude? A wife isn't, again, a slave, but the Bible says she's a joint heir with Jesus Christ.

Now let that sink in. A joint heir with Jesus Christ. That's what you are. A joint heir, if you're a male, you're a joint heir with Christ. So is a woman. So is a wife, a joint heir with Christ. And she should be honored as being an heir together, as it does say there in 1 Peter 3 verse 7, to be being an heir together of the grace of life.

She's going to have a crown of life too. I always tell people that in the, you know, in the kingdom of God, when we're spirit beings, your wife might be over you. She might be the head over you. So you always have to realize, you know, what goes around comes around. So think about that. Let's go over to Ephesians chapter 4. Now look at the scriptures on this particular one. Take a little time for this, but in Ephesians 4 verse 17, notice it says in Ephesians 4, for this I say therefore in testifying the Lord that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk in the futility of their mind.

Now the world, the world basically has a Gentile mind. And you know what Gentile means? A Gentile is merely somebody that is not an Israelite. And quite frankly, even descendants of Jacob or modern-day Israel, they are more Gentile-minded because they act like they've never been again taught and they really haven't been taught, you know, God's way, the way that things should be.

But here Paul is saying don't walk like this world walks. And they're basically walking based on their own thoughts, their own ideas. And that's the problem. That is the problem. They're walking in the futility of their mind. Look up the word futility. It means useless. Uselessness in, you know, what we come up with our minds very often is useless. They're not going to benefit us. The world doesn't know the way to peace. It doesn't know the way the peace between nations. And you know, it doesn't know the peace and how to get peace in marriage either. Have a peaceful marriage and a happy marriage.

So it is something, again, to really, really think about. Down to verse 22, and we'll read on down to verse 24. It says that you put off concerning your former conduct the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust and be renewed in the spirit of your mind and that you put on the new man which is created according to God in true righteousness and holiness.

So here's a command that we put on the new man. Now that doesn't sound quite right for a woman, but it's the same thing. A woman has to put on the new person or the new man, and a man, of course, has to put on the new man. We're supposed to be different as a result of God's spirit in us.

And one of the things that oftentimes, you know, I see is that people are not, again, being Christians in marriage. I mean, frankly, I wouldn't want to be around somebody if they considered themselves to be Christian, and they conducted themselves the way they do toward their mate. You know, so we need to be Christians in marriage. The key of a successful marriage, brethren, and a happy marriage is to put on the new self, to be the new self all the time.

But you know the way it is, basically, is we may act differently as we walk into the doors of the church. You know, we act like we're prim and proper and very loving, very kind. But when we get up at home, we think somehow those things don't apply. You know, we have to be Christians in marriage at all times and be practicing Christianity and being the new man, being the new woman in marriage. In verse 30, it says, and do not grieve the Holy Spirit, it says of God.

And if we're not conducting ourselves as Christians in marriage, I mean, we're grieving the Holy Spirit that God has given to us. It says, by which you are were sealed for the day of redemption. It's true the Spirit of God, we're going to be redeemed in the future. And we need to be growing that spirit. Remember, the five wise and five unwise virgins didn't increase that spirit. And when the time came and Jesus Christ returns, the groom returns, you know, they don't have it.

They go out to buy and they come back. And by that time, the door shut. But we're talking about something that relates, brethren, to our calling as well when we're talking about marriage, of how very important it is. But it notice what it says going on, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice in marriage. Let that be the case. Put away the bitterness. Don't have any of those kind of anger, the things that very often affect people and their relationship with one another.

But rather, verse 32, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God and Christ forgave you. I don't know if you've applied that or thought to apply that in marriage, but we very much should in our marriages. I'm not going to go to it, but in Colossians 3, verse 18 through 19, it says, wives submit to your own husbands. I'm reading from the new King James Version.

As is fitting in the Lord and husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Now, if you read the King James in this particular verse, it says wives submit yourselves. See, this is something you do yourself to yourself. You submit yourself voluntarily. You're doing this purposely the way the women of old did, and by calling their husbands Lord. Again, we don't have to do that in this modern day that we live in, but there should be respect of a woman, a wife for her husband, and she willingly submits herself to her husband. But then there's the command also that Paul gives that a husband love his wife and not to be bitter toward them.

Now, what that of course means is that a man is ill-tempered. He has an ill-tempered attitude, and that comes across. It presents a very negative atmosphere in marriage. Now, it can happen. A woman could be that way as well. So it's not just on the woman, on the man, but it's on both a husband and a wife. You know, there's a saying, and all of us, I'm sure, are very familiar with, happy wife, happy life.

You know, it works the other way, too. Happy husband, happy life as well. Just doesn't rhyme, you know, in that case. But the more that a the wife can make her husband happy, the more she's going to be happy. The more he makes his wife happy, the more he's going to be happy. That's the way it works. It's the way of give that so often we used to hear in the church. Mr. Armstrong talked about the way of give and the way of get in the world.

Well, the way of give is, again, contributing to success of the marriage by trying to please our mates, that they have a happy life.

And if you do that, you will have a happy life. So now we go to point four, which we didn't give last time. And the point four is give yourself 100 percent to your marriage.

You're going to get married. Be willing to give yourself 100 percent.

Let it be that you as a husband are the greatest sacrificer in your marriage. And let it be, brethren, that the wife is the greatest sacrifice in the marriage. Not that we want to get into a competition in that kind of thing, but give yourself 100 percent in marriage. You know, some people think it's 50-50. No, it's not. It never has been. At least a successful marriage is not 50-50.

Let's go to Ecclesiastes 9. You know, one of the keys to a happy life is a happy wife and a happy husband. But here in Ecclesiastes 9 verse 9, we'll begin reading there. Here Solomon, who probably wasn't a very good role model for marriage, but at least he learned some very wise insights. But verse 9, he says, live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun. Now think about it. Reread that a little bit. In a way, we're physical and not spirit beings. We're physical beings, and we don't live very long.

And quite frankly, ultimately, God doesn't really need a flesh-and-blood human being. He really doesn't need. When we're spirit beings, we'll be greater used to him than we are now. But here again, it says, live joyfully. You set your mind of living joyfully with a wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun. All your days of vanity, for that is your portion in life and in the labor which you perform under the sun. Now we used to use this verse in verse 10 all the time. Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might, for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going. Now that says a lot there. Do what you do with your might. He's talking about your marriage, making the marriage work, making it successful and happy.

Solomon connects enjoying life with your mate in marriage. Marrying then requires total commitment. You know what? You can't be lazy and be married. You can't be a lazy person. A lot of people are. But you can't be a lazy person and be happy. You're not going to make your mate happy if you're you're that way. Let's go over to Proverbs, I should say. Proverbs 15. Proverbs 15.

Proverbs 15 here and I'm going the wrong way. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I said Proverbs 15 and it just opened to that?

I guess we'd get pretty lazy if we had that kind of a thing. But Proverbs 15 and verse 19, it says, The way of the lazy man is like a hedge of thorns. But the way of the upright is a highway. You know, you want to be successful in life. You've got to put work and effort into it. You know, if you ever got stuck in a briar or you're walking along and you sip on a sticker, it slows you down, doesn't it? But if we're diligent, you know, if we're wise or we're trying to be righteous, we don't have those kinds of things that get in our way. We don't have a hedge of thorn to hold us back. So it's important for us, brethren, to be diligent in our life. The sluggard looks for an excuse to get out of doing the right things which need to be done.

And we need to, again, have the desire, put the effort into it if we expect to have a happy marriage. We've got to put a lot of effort into it. If we're going to give 100 percent to our mates, we're going to do all we can to make that marriage successful. If we're going for 67 years instead of seven years, as very often I think that most marriages last about seven years or a lot of marriages, I should say, or less. Sometimes it's less. You know, some of these Hollywood people, they, you know, they're lucky if they make it through six months. Was it Elizabeth Taylor had been married eight times? You know what her motto was? If at first she don't succeed, try, try again.

She was against actually living with somebody, according to what I read. But, you know, with the approach that she had in marriage, though, it did not, again, obviously, work for her. Her approach either way didn't work. Let's see. So, again, we can't be lazy in a marriage. Let's go to Matthew 23. Matthew chapter 23 over here. In Matthew 23, in verses 11 and 12, just a couple of verses there.

But it says, but he who is greatest among you shall be your servant. So, husbands, if you want to be a good leader in your home, you've got to be the greatest service. You've got to serve the most in the family. And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled. And he who humbles himself shall be exalted. That applies in marriage as well. You know, if a husband is demanding to be respected, but he's not doing respectable things, he's going to be humbled according to what God's word says. You see what I'm talking about here? It applies in marriage. Same is true for a woman if she's not humble in her approach as well, and striving with all of her heart. You know, Ephesians 5 verse 21 says that each person in a marriage should be submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. So each one submits to the other in the fear of God. And of course that word fear is not a cowering craven fear, but respect of God. You know, do we respect God's design of marriage? I hope we do, because if we do, if we truly respect it, it shows we fear God. We have a right kind of attitude. Brother, tell your spouse that you're thankful for having him or her in your life.

Appreciate each other. Your relationship, your family, and your lives together. Never miss an opportunity, via anniversaries, birthdays, mothers and fathers days, to express a positive affirmation and appreciation for your wife or your husband.

You know, it's important to be so close to one another, want to spend time with each other, that if you see one, you see the other. They want to be together. They want to spend time together. Unfortunately, in this world today, you know, I bumped into a lot of people through the years that don't really want to spend time with each other. Sometimes the wife goes on a vacation apart from her husband, and otherwise as well. I don't think my wife and I have ever been apart in that way. Usually, if we talk about something, going somewhere, we're going together. So anyway, give yourself 100% to your marriage. Number five. Number five, if you're writing them down, and I think this is a very important point, by the way, be resourceful in resolving problems in your marriage. Obviously, when marriage is dissolved, somebody has not found a way to resolve the issues, maybe because they aren't being resourceful.

You know, learn how to always listen to one another. Learn how to listen to each other.

You know, men and women, as we've already mentioned, are different. Some differences might irritate men, and certainly some differences that men might have irritate women. I remember my wife and I got into a disagreement when we were not married very long about the toothpaste. And I remember, I can't remember, I think one was about which way the toilet paper should go. Now, that was really a big argument. Of course, you get to a point where you realize that's sort of petty, isn't it? But we need to, again, be the type of people that are willing to listen to each other and realize that there are going to be differences. And it's important to compromise what you might like. You know, my wife is a very organized person. If you ever come to our house, you'll find that out. We have four grandkids there, by the way, that it might be a little less organized than it would have been, but she's very organized, and she has a place for everything, even my stuff. She has a place for that, and she puts things away. And you know what? I accept that. Although, if I need something, I always have to say, where is it?

She's neater than I am, and I accept that. I realize that she is. I went to the bathroom about two in the morning the other day, and when I returned them to my side of the bed, it was made. So she's very, very neat. I'm being facetious, but you gotta get what I mean. People can be—there are people that are that fastidious. A husband and a wife need to know they are loved and respected by their mate. Now, that's a very, very important thing. A man needs to know that his wife appreciates the work he does in supporting the family, and the wife needs to know that her husband appreciates what she does. And there are different ways you can show that to one another. But, you know, a husband and wife, again, need to know that they're loved and respected by their mate. Marriage therapists—so I'll save you a lot of trouble if you want to listen to marriage therapists—they know this, that when you are in marriage, if there's a critical atmosphere, there's an atmosphere of contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling—somebody you try to talk to about a problem and they stonewall you that these things threaten the success of a marriage. And the more a couple engages in these destructive activities, the more likely they are to divorce.

So I remember one man and his wife that—I was in the pastor at the time—I was going along listening to the pastor counsel this one couple. And I may have told you about this before, but I remember sitting in their living room, and the wife looked like she was severely—had severe consternation. She was very troubled on her face. You could see it. And her husband, on the other hand, seemed like he was okay, which was troubling to me. Here you got—a wife has a kind of a scowl on her face. And the husband has a good—basically, he's okay with himself.

Well, as we began to talk with her, it finally began to come out that really he just didn't care what she thought when he took off and he went on trips. And he liked to fish, and he'd be gone, and he would not be including her in these things. And their marriage was beginning to fall by the wayside. Here's a woman that realizes that her husband really doesn't respect what she thinks. And again, I don't know whether their marriage succeeded or not. I was there in Harrisburg, that's where it happened many, many years ago, probably almost 50 years ago now. But I don't know what happened to that particular couple. But he was stonewalling. He wouldn't talk about it with her. And she was utterly frustrated and ready to end the marriage. You know, couples have to show that spouses, or couples therapists, have shown that spouses who stay together know how to disagree without being hostile. They know how to take responsibility for problems that come up in the marriage. And they are also more likely to respond quickly to each other and the wishes they may have after a fight to repair the relationship. So you see, if somebody really truly shows their mate, look, I love you with all my heart and soul and mind, and the wife knows that, and the husband knows that, they're much more will readily make up if there is a difference between the two.

Let me say, you're not going to agree on everything in marriage. You just are not going to do that. But it's important to be fair and respectful during disagreements. Listen to your spouse's point of view. Try not to get angry, and don't let yourself become frustrated. Walk away with a calm attitude and try to go somewhere and think it through, and then come back and try to talk about it again. Compromise on problems so that you both give a little in your position is what needs to be done. Obviously, two people are not going to agree with each other. You know, it's interesting, I agree with each other and everything. Jesus said, peace I leave you. He told his disciples, peace I leave you, and he said not the peace of the world.

What do you mean by that? Not the peace of the world. You mean the world has peace? Yeah, it does. But you know, when he told his disciples that, it was as though he was coming to the end of their training. What he was trying to teach them is that if you change, if you are a new person, a new creation, the peace that you will have will be eternal, will be eternal, and not like the peace of the world, which is temporary. It is only the last little while. And again, it's the converted mind that is going to be able to be that way and have peace, and there will always be peace there.

The next point is build trust and respect for each other. You know, the Bible says love covers a multitude of sins.

And you know, we're all going to make mistakes. But if your mate knows that you love her, or he knows you love him, in spite of what happens, you know, those mistakes will be overlooked, or can be overlooked. You may have to do something over a period of your life, but, but, you know, somebody knows you love them. They don't want to lose you, and you don't want to lose them either. So build trust and respect for one another, and show that you really care for each other. You know, there was a wife who saw on TV about a woman who disappeared, and she got to thinking. She asked her husband. She said, you know, I saw this on TV about this woman disappearing. And he said, he asked her, he said, what if I disappeared a few days?

And he came back, and he said, I wouldn't worry about that. Well, the first day, he didn't see her.

Then the second day came, and he didn't see her again.

Then the third day, the swelling around his eyes began to go down, and he caught a view out of her, at her, out of the corner of his eye. Wrong answer. He gave the wrong answer.

And men very often do give the wrong answer. Can't be John Wayne in marriage. Right? Question for you, brother, is when conflicts arise in marriage, what do you say? What do you say? You went to the Bible. What does the Bible tell you to do? You don't have to be a brain surgeon, or a nuclear physicist, or rocket scientist. What should we say if there's a conflict that arises in the marriage? Well, I won't go. Well, let's do go to Proverbs 15. Proverbs 15. I've got to keep an eye on the time here. But Proverbs 15, let's notice again what the Bible says. You know, sometimes we're at a loss of words about what to say in a time when a problem arises. Really, we need not have those kinds of pauses in our discourses with one another if we're studying the Bible, if we know what the Bible says. In Proverbs 15, here it says, a soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stirs up anger. And it says, the tongue of the wise uses knowledge rightly, but the mouth of fools pours forth foolishness. Again, if you have a conflict, what do you say? Well, whatever you say, it should be a soft answer. NIV, by the way, the new international version says, a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. So you're going to be harsh to your wife or your husband. You're going to get a bad result. Always happens. Now, let's go over, we're not very far from it, Proverbs 14 and verse 15, if you're following along in the Bible, but in verse 15 and 16 here, let's notice this, and I'll read it in the New King James, and then we'll do the NIV. It says, the simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps. A wise man fears and departs from evil, but a foolish or fool rages and is self-confident.

Interesting way it puts that. The NIV translates it this way, a prudent man gives thought to his steps. He gets thoughts to what he's going to say. A wise man fears the eternal and shuns evil, but a fool is hotheaded and reckless. Hotheaded and reckless. If you want your marriage to work, you have to learn again how to respond in conflict.

You know, we probably ought to be saying these things to men's groups and women's groups separately, because it might make men feel like they know, and women, that they know how to deal with it, and it's not something that is being given to both at the same time. Not that that's bad, but maybe there could be a different atmosphere if both were separated, and then you talk about that particular topic. But of course, we want to be prudent people. Chapter 14 in verse 29 here, listen to what's down here, not far from where you are. It says, he who is slow to wrath has great understanding, but he who is impulsive exalts folly. In a vise, a patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly or foolishness, being foolish. And very often in marriage, the way marriages don't succeed is foolishness on the part of people. How many marriages fail that didn't need to fail?

You know, I would imagine there's quite a few. It's just that people don't know how to talk with each other. In chapter 16 here in Proverbs still, in verse 7, let's notice this. It says, when a man's ways please the eternal, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. How much more are, you know, our mates to be at peace with us? You know, NIV, well, I don't have that here, but we certainly want to have God's blessing so that we can have peace in our lives. How about money? Who should control family finances?

You know, a wife sometimes says, well, he has all the money for things he wants, but never enough for what I want to do in the house. You see, women are thinking about making their house into a home.

That's a need, a need for many women to do that, to make a life better for her husband and or children if there are children in the family. How about communication? How can we open taboo subjects? Things never discussed because of a fight occurs. How can we do that? Well, you know, this is why, brethren, we need to study the Proverbs. Learn a little bit about, you know, this because it gives us a resource and it helps us to be resourceful. A lot of times people are just simply not resourceful when they are talking. So it's time to use, brethren, more than we we do the wisdom God offers us in his word. Point number six, then, is to be totally committed to persevere through adversity in your marriage. You know, I grew up in a church in New York, you know, I grew up in a family there were nine children, so there were 11 of us in our in our home. I had five brothers and three sisters. My mom and dad were not in the church. Some people think that I grew up in the church and I did not. I found out about the church when I was about 17. And my mother and father did not have a perfect marriage. I will say that and be upfront about it. There were times I thought their marriage was not going to work. But they stayed together until my mother died. She died early. They were married almost 50 years. I mentioned my wife's mother and father were married for 67 years. But I would say this about my mother and father is they put us and they put the family above themselves. And I honored that commitment they had to marriage. And you know, interestingly, of the the there were you know six boys. Of those six boys, five of the sons have been remained married to the same person all of their lives. My wife and I are going to be married almost 50 years. They're not too long ahead of us here. The reason we, I believe, are that way is that's the example that they set. That when you get married, it is for life and you commit yourself to it. Again, I know it's not always possible for marriages to work. I'm not saying that, but we have to be committed rather than to marriage to persevere through whatever adversity may come. You know, how often do we repeat the words for better or for worse? And then when you know when the better is going on, everybody's happy. It's Peachy King and hunky dory, right? But if there's a problem that arises, then the first word that's used is divorce. No, it's for better or for worse. No, it's through thick and thin. If someone wants to succeed in marriage or make it happy, there must be a willingness to persevere through anything. Let's go to Acts 14. Acts 14. Acts 14.

And you know, endurance is important to every race that is run. Whoever wins a race that they give up when they have a, you know, a Charlie Horace or some other problem that comes up. We find that's true in our lives, quite frankly, compared to a race. And if we're married, it is a race, and marriages are involved in that race as well. To be able to succeed, you've got to persevere. You have to be willing to endure. But in Acts 14, Acts 14, in verse 21, let's notice this, and when they had preached the gospel to that city, talking about, you know, Paul and I believe Barnabas here, but it may have been Silas as well, but it says they preached the gospel to that city and made many disciples. They returned to Lystra, Iconium, and Antioch, strengthening the souls of the disciples, exhorting them to continue in the faith, and saying, we must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God. That's the story of a calling, of our lives. We have to endure through many things. And the Bible says that Christ suffered to set an example for us to follow in our calling. Is marriage a place to follow Jesus Christ?

You know, what did Jesus Christ have to go through for us?

Now, we've been the perfect wife, haven't we? Oh, I think we would realize we got a lot of falls as God's people, but Jesus was willing to lay his life on the line for us. You know, in Matthew 19, this is what Jesus said. Matthew 19. You know, God allows a lot of things because of, frankly, the stubbornness of people. He doesn't like what he allows, but short of throwing his out into the streets, he endures it. In Matthew 19, though, here, notice in verse 3, the Pharisees also came to him, came to Christ, testing him and saying to him, is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason? And he answered and said, Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? Again, the purpose of marriage. So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. Then he said to him, Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and to put her away?

And he said to them, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, because of the stoniness of your heart, permitted you to divorce your wives from the beginning, though it was not so. It's not what God intended. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery, and whoever marries her, who is divorced, commits adultery. And, you know, certainly we've looked into these verses, and as you know, Porneo basically has to do with immorality. There are other reasons why marriages can be dissolved. You know, we know over in the book of Corinthians, it talks about if someone who's not of the church and not pleased to dwell with you, those are cases where someone might be free, someone would certainly want to be counseled in such cases. But Jesus is sending a message. I think you would all agree. Marriage is a commitment. It takes two people to make one, and if we commit ourselves to one another, God will help us to make it work.

And point number seven here is a very important point. Hopefully it will cause us to be able to be a Christian in our marriage. Point number seven is keep in contact with God. Are we praying?

In marriage, again, it's always good to remember you are not first and foremost a wife or a husband. First and foremost, you are a Christian.

And everyone makes mistakes, certainly, and your spouse may hurt your feelings or do something that upsets you, and that may make you angry, even furious, but it's important to deal with your feelings as a Christian. Let them go and move on. Don't keep bringing up the past.

Again, live in your marriage as a Christian. And what do Christians do? They forgive. They're willing to forgive. They're willing to leave it in the past and think about the future in a positive way. Remember to remain committed to your spouse, your family, and the life that you have built together. Support each other emotionally, and each day do that. Pray for one another and stay close to God. You know, let's notice Proverbs 14 verse 12. Proverbs 14 verse 12 over here. Solomon gives us this very sage advice, and of course the way of man. Mankind in general, and again, sometimes they can get things right, but most of the time they get it wrong. But here in Proverbs 14 verse 12, it says, there is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the way of death.

So don't rely on yourself. I would be careful to not rely on the marriage books of the world. There are some good marriage books. I'm not saying that all are that way, but don't rely on them because there's error there. And as we read earlier, a simple man believes anything.

So we need to, again, use wisdom about what the world has to offer. Let's notice verse 26 and 27 of chapter 14. And it says, in the fear of the Lord, there is strong confidence. We're having fear of God. We're wanting to respect God, and His children will have a place of refuge. And it says, the fear of the eternal is a fountain of life to turn one away from the smears of death.

So we need to look at God and what God's word says about things and learn and apply in our lives. You know, David wrote, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. So contact with God is so necessary. They'll pray for one another, and even occasionally pray for it with one another.

So, brethren, here are seven keys that we've given you here today, and I'll go through them quickly again for you. Number one, understand the purpose of marriage. Number two, understand the needs of men and women. Number three, have a right attitude toward your mate. Number four, give yourself 100 percent in the marriage. And number five, be resourceful in resolving problems in your marriage. And number six, be totally committed to persevere through adversity in your marriage. And number seven, maintain that contact with God. Here's the challenge, brethren, for all of us who are married or hope to be married. Use these keys to unlock a successful and a happy marriage.