Being a Peacemaker, Part 1

Thank you, Emery. Very nice. It's always beautiful to hear your voice. And also Teresa, with her beautiful piano playing. We really have privilege here, and the youths are participating today, as we have seen, in different ways. Now we're ready for the message that is addressed to the youths and the rest of the congregation. And it has to do with how to be a peacemaker. As you know, in the Bible, the first conflict that we find between human beings was between Cain and Abel. Two brothers who just couldn't get along, one of them had envy toward the other, and because that was never resolved properly, Cain decided to kill his brother.

What a way to start human history. And from then on, we see conflict in the home, conflict among brothers and sisters, conflicts in the marriages, sometimes conflict in the church. And the question we should ask is, are we good peacemakers? Are we good peacemakers? Because basically, every time we deal with a conflict, there are three basic ways you can handle that conflict. And this is something that goes for me, as everyone else, you learn through experience, through looking at the Bible, God guiding us. But there are three basic ways to deal with conflict, with difficulties, whether in the home, the marriage, between brothers and sisters.

And they form a kind of a mountain or a curve where you have the two extremes, and then you have the right solution in the center of it. You can either decide to escape the conflict, which is sort of like the flight. You don't want to face it. And so you put it off, you escape, you ignore, you deny it. And then at the other extreme, you have the attack mode, which is just confront it, attack it, deal with it aggressively to see if you can get some resolution. But there is a third solution, which is the one that's on the top, and that is being a peacemaker, dealing with it in a proper way.

And either side of those, either you escape, that's a slippery slope that can cause all kinds of problems later on, or the attack can cause all kinds of problems. Whereas, if you learn what Jesus Christ told us about being a peacemaker, and what the Bible tells us, we can resolve so many of the conflicts, and it is one of the major problems that we have in life.

And that's something that we don't learn at school, how to resolve conflict in a positive and correct way. You basically don't learn that even going to college, in the university. And yet, it is such an important part of our lives. It can save us so much heartaches and headaches. If we learn what God tells us in His Word. Now, the subject came across because back in October, we had a regional conference where the ministry met together, and we had the President Victor Kubik and others, Roy Holliday, were there.

Victor Kubik presented this subject about being a peacemaker, and he recommended a book, which is called The Peacemaker, by Ken Sand. And he is a lawyer and also a minister in his organization. It's a Presbyterian church. But he established an organization to help resolve conflicts in churches and businesses. And so, he's had a lot of experience, and also he has used the Bible extensively to look at the biblical principles on how to handle conflicts.

Now, I have found out that through the years, there are four main reasons people leave the church. First, it's over doctrine. People somehow start focusing on other things that they think are right and changing doctrine, and they do not believe the same as we do. Eventually, those people depart, as the Bible tells us. They're in Amos 3, and two walk together unless they agree. And so, doctrinal differences are one of the reasons people leave. And we saw this in 1995, when we had a good number of the people in the church leave because they no longer thought that we should keep all of God's commandments holy.

And they didn't think the feast days were holy and should be kept. And so, we had a large group, believe. I would say that was the biggest group that has ever left from the years that we have been involved over 40 years now. The second reason has to do with government. And people just basically having a problem, either going along with what church authorities say. They sometimes don't see eye to eye.

They just start bucking the system to the point where they just say, well, we just don't want to obey anymore. We don't want to submit to the authorities that are there. And so, they leave because of church government. They're no longer willing to live within that government. Thirdly, it has to do with unrepented and unresolved sin. People that just quit overcoming, let sin finally overcome them, and they're not willing to resolve and to repent of it.

And so, they leave the church because of that. And fourthly, it's because of offenses. People get offended by others in a congregation or whoever it is that is involved. People build up a resentment. They just have something they're not able to overcome. They feel they've been offended. Or someone else has offended them. Or they've done something to someone else, and that person's not willing to forgive. But then you start having all of this friction involved.

So, as I saw the need to learn more about this, I bought the book and I read it.

And found it to be very valuable. And I think it's important to receive this training to be a peacemaker, whether in the home, whether in the job, whether in the school, whether it's with the children or friends. And especially as we near Passover. Passover is only two and a half months away. And that's a time when we have to come before God and have been willing to forgive as well as to be forgiven, to resolve differences that have accumulated through the year. God says we have to examine ourselves and make sure that we take that Passover in a worthy manner, which is to be at peace with God and be at peace with man. And not let any bitterness or resentment be there when we take the Passover. He wants us to get rid of all of that and start a new spiritual year with the Passover. And so we need to reconcile with each other. We are a family. We constantly deal with each other in different circumstances. And sure enough, there are going to be times when we're going to step on people's toes, many times not knowingly, but that we have hurt people's feelings. We have somehow offended them. Sometimes people would rather not discuss it, but they harbor something. And so the greetings are not the same. The relations are not the same. Because somewhere along the line, there's a thorn in somebody's side that has not been taken out. And as you know, a thorn will fester and it will infect. And that's the way our relationships are. So we of all people who have given our lives to God and willing to submit ourselves to God's Word are the ones that have to develop that humility to do what God's Word says. Because we don't want to create a stumbling block for others or others to create a stumbling block for us.

So in Matthew 5, verse 9, I'll read this. It's a very short verse where Jesus Christ is talking about the different beatitudes or blessings. And he says in Matthew 5, verse 9, And actually the term sons is children because it includes men and women. But it talks about God is pleased with someone who learns to be a peacemaker. Not a war monger, not somebody that creates war and conflict, but a person who knows how to pacify things, to calm things down.

So it's important to know how to deal with conflict. And in this book that I've read, there's a lot of good biblical principles and examples that are used.

And with 38 years of experience in the ministry, I see a lot of these principles are very practical. They are correct. He uses the Scriptures properly. Now there are pros and cons because this isn't written by a person that is a church member, that we would consider, understands God's truths and applies them. This is a person that is in a Protestant church. It's written from the Presbyterian point of view that is part of Protestantism. Again, I'm just evaluating, sifting the wheat from the shaft. And so they don't know that they are what historian Alan Knight calls being part of moderate antinomianism. That's a big fancy word, antinomianism, but it actually means against the law. People that don't understand that they are actually going against God's laws in many of the things that they teach and practice. It's called moderate because it's not the extreme antinomianism, which is just a complete rejection of God's law. But it is a rejection of part of God's law. That has been going through the ages, through the churches of Protestantism. They don't believe in keeping all of the commandments. They believe in predestination, which they call it the sovereignty of God, God being sovereign. And they believe, well, God has everything planned out, everything that happens. God had it planned out. And so everything is predetermined, which is a false teaching. God has reserved the person to have free will. And he can know, but he chooses not to know everything about what the person is going to decide. And so he has them predetermined who's going to fail and who's going to succeed. Whereas this is a Protestant and Presbyterian idea. And so they just say, well, all those masses in Africa and China who never know about Jesus Christ, who live and die, well, they're condemned to hellfire because they never knew about Jesus Christ. They didn't accept him as his Lord. There's only one way to be saved. So bad luck. And that's part of God's sovereignty. Well, don't question God. Doesn't matter if 80 or 90 percent of all human beings go to hell. That's God's prerogative. He can decide that. They also believe in this once saved, always saved. That once you declare yourself, accept Jesus as your Savior, you can't lose your salvation. And so these are wrong teachings. And it creeps up a bit in this book. They believe in heaven and hell as well. But separating again the wheat from the shaft, when he sticks to the principles of conflict resolution and uses biblical principles, it's spot on. But when he starts going on about God's sovereignty and everything, well, then that's his doctrinal prejudice and bias that he has. So if you take the book, you read it. Be careful because you're going to see those types of teachings creep in. But there are a lot of good principles about conflict resolution. And basically, every book that you're going to read is going to have wheat and shaft. Good and bad. I would say about 85% of the principles in this book are biblically based. 15% are not.

And he uses a lot of biblical passages to illustrate his points, which is very good. So this is going to be a sermon in two parts. This is going to be Being a Peacemaker, Part 1, and give you the best principles in this book.

And so I'd like to focus on the biblical passage in Philippians 4. And of course, we in the church don't know it all. We are not experts in every area. And this gentleman has been trained and is an expert on conflict resolution. So using the Bible as principles, he can teach us good things. In Philippians 4, we see here that Paul has to address a problem between two church members in the church of Philippi. They had a serious disagreement. Two women that were prominent in the church basically were having a conflict. And so here we see how the Apostle Paul resolves the situation.

It says in Philippians 4, verse 1, It says, Now, there were all kinds of people in the congregation. There were some people that were very dedicated, some that weren't. And yet Paul is very positive. He says, I want each of you to have a crown when the kingdom of God comes. I want to hear that you will be rewarded by Jesus Christ when He returns. That is my joy. That is what we work for. For all of you to come before God one day and He will say, Well done, good and faithful servant. And come to the fellowship of the Lord and have these wonderful opportunities to serve in the kingdom. That is what we work for. That is what gets us up in the morning. And what we finish doing at night is seeing how the brethren can develop and grow to be part of God's kingdom one day. This is what Paul is saying. And then in verse 2, he says, I implore Yodia and I implore Syntyche to be of the same mind in the Lord. So he basically is beseeching them. These are two women that are in the church, they are church members. They've helped Paul, but they had a falling out. And so he's imploring them to resolve the conflict that they have between them.

And he says, and I urge you also, true companion, help these women who labored with me in the gospel, with Clement also and the rest of my fellow workers whose names are in the Book of Life. So these two ladies were in the Book of Life. They were baptized members, they had God's Spirit, but they had a falling out. And Paul, having worked with the church there and still overseeing that area, he confronts this situation. He doesn't just put it away. He doesn't escape and say, oh no, all the church members are wonderful. They're never going to have any conflicts between each other. He doesn't say that. He doesn't escape, but he doesn't also attack. He doesn't say, okay, I'm going to get these ladies and boy, they better straighten up or they're going to be out of here. It's not the way he dealt with it. He dealt with it very tenderly. He is a peacemaker. So he deals with the situation, but with the right principles. So here are five principles that he deals with in this particular issue, which also in this book brings it out. And I will be maybe reading some parts of it. But in verse four, he's got this problem with these two church ladies. So he gives five principles.

First, he says, rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I will say, rejoice. So the first thing he says is that you have to focus on God to resolve an issue. And not only focus on God, but to rejoice in God. So what does that have to do with resolving the issue? It has enormous importance because you have to be God-centered instead of self-centered. So how do these two ladies deal with this problem? Instead of each one looking out for their own interests, if they put God first, be God-centered, things are going to look a lot better. Because once you look at God, when you have a conflict and you have to say you're sorry or forgive, or you're going to have to be forgiven, you have to first look to God.

The attitude before God has to be right. And you focus on what God has done for us. Notice in Ephesians 4, Paul constantly was mentioning this as the basis for forgiveness of others. It says in Ephesians 4, verse 32, he says, So does God harbor resentment because of what we do? No, he doesn't. He does forgive. He doesn't keep a record of our wrongdoings. He is forgiving us in Christ, and he's happy to do so. Although many times we don't deserve it, he goes ahead and does it. Notice in Colossians chapter 3, verse 12. It says, So again, we have to look to God and how he treats us. He forgives us. He doesn't harbor grudges. And so we should be grateful. That's why it says, rejoice in the Lord. And then he mentions one of the big problems with conflicts, as we see in page 104. In page 104, I'm going to read this paragraph. He says, I wish I could have this, evolves into, I must have this. This is where trouble sets in. Even if the initial desire was not inherently wrong, it has grown so strong that it begins to control our thoughts and behavior. In biblical terms, it has become an idol. Something that we just want. I want that person to give in. I need this. I need my kids to act this way or else I'm going to really get down on them. Or I want my wife to do this or else she's going to get it. From a desire, it becomes a demand. And this is the root of conflicts. Something that we demand and then we impose it on others.

And so you can develop idols in this way. Pride can be an idol. Vanity can be an idol.

Conflict begins because of an unmet desire that becomes a demand. It begins to control us. Notice what Jesus Christ taught regarding conflict resolution in Matthew 18. I'm not going to go into the details of this part in this sermon. I plan to do that the next time, God willing. But I do want to notice Matthew 18. The subject does begin in verse 1 of Matthew 18. So he has an illustration at the beginning, an example. Then he goes to dealing with the conflict and resolving it. And then he finishes with another illustration. And I want to focus on those two illustrations because... Let's start here. He talks about receiving one little child like this. And my name receives me. Then it says, But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of offenses, for offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes. So he's talking about how we can offend each other.

And then he says in verse 10, Then he starts here. He says, And then he says, And then he says, But the point is here, he says, And then after he covers this area, then he says in verse 21, And then after he covers this area, then he says, And then he illustrates again, And then he says, So this was an enormous amount.

This is the equivalent of more than a million dollars that the man owed. A servant therefore fell down before him, saying, Master, have patience with me and I will pay you all. Then a master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. All of that debt. But that servant went out and found out one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, which was a very modical amount, not very big at all.

And he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me what you owe. So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, Have patience with me and I will pay you all.

He actually had the means to have paid back. It was a small loan. And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved and came and told their master all that he had done. Then his master, after he had called them, said to him, You wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt because you beg me.

Should you not also have compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you? And his master was angry and delivered them to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him. So prison was not very pleasant at that time. It wasn't like today that you just last there and they pay for everything. Boy, they got ahold of you. You wanted to be out of that prison real fast. You really contacted everybody to be able to get out of there.

And then he says, So my heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you from his heart does not forgive his brother his trespasses. So we see again why we have to rejoice, first of all, in God. What he is doing for us. How much has he forgiven us? And yet many times we are so miserly and stingy for giving others.

Oh, I can't forgive him because this is up to this point here when God has forgiven us how many more times over. And so let's not be stingy about thinking how much we need to forgive in comparison to what God has given us. So that is the first part of being a peacemaker. Don't look at the conflict just from a carnal or physical point of view. Look at it as an opportunity to glorify God, to overcome something, take out that thorn in your side.

Have you ever had to take a thorn from your side, spiritually speaking? Something that was really getting at you. Boy, it is such a relief to do so. You can go back to normal, basically. But some people, they just will not forgive. They will not forget. And yet they think their relationship with God is just fine and that he is going to bless that. Well, God is not going to be pleased if we harbor something that is doing us harm in that way. Then let's go back to Philippians 4. The second part is in verse 5.

Paul says, Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Let your gentleness be evident to all. That's a Greek word that means be big-hearted, courteous, generous, lenient, moderate, forgiving. So this is the second point. Let your gentleness be evident to all. If we start with that type of attitude, being gentle and not harsh, not being defensive, being humble, being loving, you can apply what this book, the peacemaker, calls the four G's.

First, you glorify God. You want to do it for His glory. You want to overcome this conflict. To please Him, number two, you get the log out of your eye. You realize, I've done things that have offended others. I have a funny anecdote about offending someone. It was back probably 20 years ago when I was in Chile. We had two little old ladies that lived in a town north of Santiago, which is called Los Andes. These two were widowed, and they just had enough scraped up to have this little place.

But, boy, they kept it spic and span. They took very good care of it. We would go visit these two ladies, and they didn't have enough money even to have any cement on the floor. They had actually a cardboard that they had put together. But they had it all polished. They had it waxed. We always enjoyed being with them.

One day, I happened to say to the lady that was more in charge, I said, You know, you are a very responsible person. Look how nice you have everything. Of course, she was hard of hearing, and she heard I had said, You were irresponsible. So I left happily, thought everything went well with a visit. And so she came back about a month and a half later, and she said, I need to speak with you. And I got with her, and she said, Why did you say I was irresponsible? And I said, No, I didn't say you were irresponsible. I said, You are responsible. She said, There you go again! Because she heard an I before that.

And so she was mad, and I mean, I had to get down. I said, No. So I said, Never say responsible and irresponsible the same way, because in Spanish, you have an I before the responsible. And so I learned to say, Boy, you do a real nice job here at the house.

Forget this thing about responsible and irresponsible. But she was mad at me, and yet it was a complete misunderstanding. And so as it says here, that you glorify, you get the log out of your eye, that sometimes you say things you don't mean for them to hurt people. You learn in time to be very careful about commenting about a person's appearance, for instance, or how high or not they are.

Be very careful, because people are sensitive toward their image. So you can tell they look nice, or you look healthy, but don't go into too many particulars, because you're going to step on some toes that way, and you learn to get the log out of your eye. It's impossible to use your tongue and your conversation and never offend a person.

It's impossible. So we have to be willing to accept our responsibilities. Do our best. Be gentle. So the second one is get the log out of your eye. The third is gently restore a person. Go to him, entreat him, not demanding things. Just like Paul said, I entreat these ladies to be able to get together, gently restore.

And then the fourth, go and be reconciled. Not just think about it. Go and do it. So Paul is telling them that through that gentleness, they're going to be able to resolve their problem. The third point in verses 6 and 7, he says, Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.

And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. So he knows when you have conflicts, there's going to be anxiety. And he is saying to replace anxiety with prayer. Notice what he says here. But in everything by prayer and supplications with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. Ask God about it. And get rid of that negative idea and attitude toward the person. You have to replace that stress. And once you start replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, you're going to see a whole change.

Don't look at the person and just think of what was wrong in the relationship. Also, think what was right. And we're all human beings. If you replace anxiety with prayer and focus on God's faithfulness to us, He's going to help us. He's going to see us through. And this leads us to another acronym that this author uses to apply. In this case, it's the word PAWS. P-A-U-S-E. PAWS. Which means applying this principle of getting rid of that anxiety with prayer.

First, prepare before you talk to the person. Prepare what you're going to say. Secondly, affirm the relationship. We're friends. We're not enemies. We're trying to do the same thing together. We're trying to please God. We're all of a common faith. We should be closer than our own blood relatives.

They say, you know, blood is thicker than water. But I say the Spirit is stronger than blood. That Holy Spirit that unites us should make us stronger in our relationship. And so you affirm the relationship. And then thirdly, understand the interests. Understand the interests involved. In other words, that person has something that is valuable to them. As you have something that's valuable to you. And so, seek to understand the other points of view of the person.

He mentions an example of two families that lived next to each other. And one of them raised dogs to make a little extra money. And so they had one dog in particular that was just barking all the time. And they wouldn't let them go to sleep. And the kids were in school and they were tired because this dog was barking, so they had to deal with this. So what did they do? They prepared first. Then secondly, they affirmed the relationship.

You know, we're neighbors. And then thirdly, the interests. Well, we understand this is some extra money you have here. But we also have interests, which is we need some sleep. This dog is constantly barking. And then the third is, seek creative solutions. Sometimes you have to just find out what's the best way. And what they did was they moved the kennel from the back area where there was a highway and people would walk there. And every time the dog would see a person, they would start yapping.

And so they moved it off to the side. And these neighbors helped each other. And they found out that was a good solution. And then evaluate the results. You have to evaluate how it really turned out. And actually, it solved a lot of problems.

But instead of meeting the thing head-on, attacking, or just trying to buy earplugs and escaping from it, that wasn't the right way, but becoming a peacemaker. So you use that term, pause, to know how to go to the person properly. As Paul mentioned here, you have to apply the principle, replace that anxiety with prayer as God. I remember we had a similar situation. It just came to mind when we lived in Santiago. We had new neighbors move next to us. And they had some teenage kids.

And what happened? Well, these kids played in a rock band. So here they were practicing with all these electronic instruments. And in these areas, you can't really do too much. But they were out there at night, playing drums. So I basically said, Kadi, we've talked with them. They've ignored us. I'm going to have to just go to God and just place it before Him. Sure enough, they moved out within a month. We were able to get peace again.

And so we have to go before God. And this was something we entreated God. We had done everything we could. It was up to God. And so we were so thankful that just out of the blue, they moved out.

Let's go to verse 8. This is the fourth point. See things as they really are. It says, finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of a good report, if there is any virtue, and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. So these are the eight things that we kind of built our own acronym or our own words, which appreciate also Mel, who was there. He kind of got it, which is a tan jeep hit a log with a VIP on top of it. And so you have P for true, N for noble, J for just, then P for pure, then L for lovely, then you have G for everything that is of a good report, then you have V for virtue, and then P for anything that's praiseworthy.

These are the things that we have to focus our minds. Don't let negative things crowd out positive ones. Notice in Proverbs 11 verse 27, Proverbs 11 verse 27, it says, It says, So he is seeking good thoughts, good actions. It says, Again, don't let negative things crowd out the positive ones. And you can then experience what is called the golden result, which is just like the golden rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. Well, here the focus is that if you have a negative view about a person, usually they'll have a negative view about you. But if it changes to a positive view, they will come around and you'll see the result. If a person sees that you're being positive to them, it's very hard to continue to be negative. And so people respond in kind. And that takes us to the last point here in Philippians 4. Philippians 4. Verse 9. It says, Notice how many times Paul uses the word peace. We have his Irene here. It's Irene here at services. See the back? Well, I always remember Irene because there she is, because that's the Greek word for peace. So it's the word that he uses constantly. The God of peace will be with you. So the fifth point is, practice what you have learned. Paul was a great example. In Acts 16, verse 12, when he went to Philippi, that's where he was whipped along with Silas and imprisoned. And yet, at midnight, they were singing hymns to God, praising God. And so he says, you know, brethren, I've gone through a lot. Remember, you can also overcome things for the glory of God. There is a good poem here that is found in the book. And I'll read here in page 209 about how to apply this principle. It says, therefore, forgiveness may be described as a decision to make four promises. Number one, I will not dwell on this incident. I'm not going to be mulling around this. I will not dwell on this incident. Number two, I will not bring up this incident again and use it against you. Number three, I will not talk to others about this incident. And number four, I will not let this incident stand between us or hinder our personal relationship. And there's a little poem they made up, reducing these four points to these. Good thought hurt you not. Gossip never, friends forever. I like the term of gossip that he uses here, page 121. He says, gossip means to betray a confidence or to discuss unfavorable personal facts about another person with someone who is not part of the problem or its solution. Even if the information you discuss is true, gossip is always sinful and a sign of spiritual immaturity. So it's either to betray a confidence or to discuss with people that have nothing to do with it, but just sort of a tidbit on somebody else's life. You're not either part of the problem or a solution. In other words, you're not a person involved in solving that situation. So as we end, let's go to 1 Corinthians 6. 1 Corinthians 6 and verse 1. Paul said here to the brethren in Corinth, Are you unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Do you not know that we shall judge angels? How much more things that pertain to this life? And so we had to learn to deal with these and be a successful peacemaker. We're getting closer to the Passover. Let's examine ourselves. Do we have something against someone else? Does someone else have something against us? Some unresolved issue? Let's do that part. Neither flight nor fight. But let's be the peacemakers, as Jesus Christ said. Blessed are the peacemakers, because they will be the children of God.