Marriage and the Family Part 1: Husbands and Wives

My sermon last week, I mentioned, brethren, the ongoing attack on the family relationships, such as we see in the world around us today, on marriages, on the family, in terms of what we would consider the traditional family structure, what we would consider the biblical family structure and the roles of husband and wife in that way. And in that message, I mentioned that it's not a coincidence that the family structure would be, in many ways, under assault, because what God is doing, He is doing through the family. God is building a family. He's building a spiritual family into His kingdom, and that starts with us. Through the physical family, God is beginning to build His family. It's been going on now for thousands of years, but the process begins as we are created in His image, physically. But as that process continues, we are being created in His image spiritually. By spiritual begettle, we are sons and daughters of God, being brought along now for the kingdom of God, the family of God forever in His kingdom. And that family has an adversary. Satan the devil hates the family. And it's his goal, it's his desire, to tear down what it is that God is seeking to build up and accomplish through the family and through the family unit, through the family structure such as God has ordained it. And so what we can recognize is that the family is under assault, not just physically, not just intellectually, but spiritually as well.

So as I considered that throughout the week this week, thinking back on some of the comments that I had made, I decided I'd like to go ahead and kick off a sermon series on marriage in the family. Because what God is doing, again, He is doing here on this earth, but also most specifically and directly at this moment here within the church, bringing His spiritual family unto fruition. And the physical family is a reminder and indeed the means by which God is doing much of this work. So today I'd like to begin with the marriage in the family sermon, part one, and I've titled this, Husbands and Wives. So I'd like to take a look at the marriage structure within the family, what it is that God intends in terms of the relationship between husbands and wives. And we do have a marriage coming up in just a couple of weeks, just a day past two weeks in our congregation, Mr. Infinity and his wife to be upcoming. So I thought today would be a good time to begin this series. So let's talk about husbands and wives today. As a minister, there's a number of things I get to participate in. Some of them are, I would say, not the most enjoyable. I would consider a funeral to be something that isn't necessarily what I would label as bringing joy, although there are many lessons we can learn and we enjoy coming together to remember and to honor someone. But as I consider what I get to do as a minister, there's things that come to my mind that bring a particular joy. And two things in particular, one would be baptism and counseling people unto baptism. And the second would be marriage. Now, when somebody comes into my office and we sit down and we begin talking about baptism, I'll say, all right, baptism is the number one most important commitment, the most important covenant relationship that you will make in this life. Through baptism, you're coveting with God, delivering according to His standard and His word, as it's recorded for us. You're saying, I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. I desire to come under that sacrifice, be reconciled to my Heavenly Father, and to live by this standard. And as terms of that covenant moving forward, you agree that how you conduct your life, the decisions that you make for a young person, where you're going to live, the person you're going to marry, the career you're going to pursue, it's all going to be structured around putting God first in your life, because that's the commitment you've made. Now, when a couple then comes and begins baptism counseling, marriage counseling, pardon me, I begin much in the same way. I say, this is the second most important covenant commitment that you ever make in this life.

And I say, it is second, because God must be first. As we walk through the counseling session, and generally the very first counseling session, we come to understand what is it that makes for a strong marriage. We go to the Scripture, we see what God has outlined and ordained for the roles of husbands and wives. And what we come to understand is when a man who puts God first marries a woman who puts God first, God will be first in their marriage, and that will be a blessing. And so to say that your marriage covenant is the second most important covenant commitment you'll make, that's not a cop-out. That isn't to somehow diminish the marriage relationship. In fact, that strengthens it. That builds it, understanding that a husband and wife will be living in that union in the manner in which God has ordained. Again, His truth and His laws and His standards for their roles governing that relationship. I'd like to begin today by turning to the Scripture in Genesis chapter 1. I want to look at the first marital union that we find in Scripture, the first union between the first man and the first woman. And as we go through the message today, we're going to look at a number of scriptural principles pertaining to husbands and wives. So let's begin in Genesis chapter 1 in verse 26.

And it says, Then God said, Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness, let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, over the cattle, and over all the earth, over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. And so God created man in His own image. In the image of God, He created him male and female. He created them. So we see right from the very beginning, we have two distinctive genders, male, the female, the man, and the woman, as God intended. No confusion here. Verse 28, Then God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, over every living thing that moves on the earth.

And so what we see here about the first man and the first woman and their union together is, it says that God blessed them. God ordained this union. And He said, Be fruitful, multiply, you know, come together as one, create your family, go and fill the earth. And they did.

Now, Genesis chapter 2 goes on to give us a little more detail about how this relationship between the first man and woman came to be. Genesis chapter 2 and verse 18, The Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. This is at a point of time here, prior to Eve being created, Adam was alone. He was the only human being on the earth. He could look around at all creation and not find another as he was. And God says, You know what? It's not good that he should be alone. I think there's a point in time here that God is allowing Adam to have an experience by which he'll learn a lesson that hopefully for him will bring an appreciation and an understanding to what God is about to do for him. Verse 19, it says, Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, every bird of the air, and He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. And so Adam gave names to the cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. I think part of what God was seeking to teach Adam here, whether he realized it or not, was that there was a need that existed in his life for companionship. That Adam would come to realize that of and by himself that creation that God had made perfect, but it was not yet complete. There was something that was lacking. You know, the animals came to him. God said, give them names. He certainly would have seen how the animals came together and functioned. There would probably be a stretch to say companions, but they were mates for the animals. And Adam no doubt saw, you know what, I'm different from the animals and there is none like me.

And so I think that realization which God allowed Adam to have and to experience would help him to appreciate, help him to understand more fully what it was that God was doing for him now as he provides the woman. Verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken for man he made into a woman and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man.

So now we have a very special creation. You know, it's interesting to consider because what God did here with the woman was different than the man. He formed the man out of the dust of the ground, but with the woman he did something different. You know, why didn't God just create man and woman together out of the dust of the ground and all they knew was that they were together from the beginning? Again, I believe that lesson that God was trying to show Adam the importance of the helper and the companion. And sometimes we men with testosterone and just this confidence of attitude of I can do it myself, sometimes we forget that we do need companionship. And as my wife often reminds me, she was made to be my helper. And to be frank, I don't always respond as I should in that way. You know, sometimes I go to pick up something really heavy and she runs over, can I help you? Can I help you? And I say, if you want to help me, stay out of the way. But she wants to help. And she says, God created me to help. So I need to learn in my response to be grateful and to acknowledge that help. But here, Eve, a very special creation, God took the woman from the man, again, not fashioning her out of the dust of the ground, he took her literally from the man. From Adam's rib, she was created. Why would God do it that way?

Well, I think an important part of it is God wanted Adam to feel a personal connection with the woman and a connection that was different than with any of the other creations. Not only because she looked like him, but because she was a part of him. She'd come from him and he would love her and cherish her in a way that was very special indeed. I think also taking the woman from the man's rib, God showed his intent for the family structure, that the man would be in the lead with the support of the woman by his side. And you know, that's not always a popular concept in our culture today. And I would just say when it is done correctly as God ordained, and this isn't just a woman's responsibility, what we'll see is that the man has responsibility in this as well. But when it's done correctly, it's a very beautiful and a wonderful thing. But as the concept of family and marriage and relationships continue to be degraded around us, the concept of a woman being in subjection or submission to her husband in certain ways and following his lead isn't necessarily so popular. But it is as God intended. Verse 24 says, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother be joined to his wife, they shall become one flesh, and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. So I think there's a couple of principles for us to notice here in that. First of all, there was the intimacy between Adam and Eve. Number one, there was an intimacy simply by creation. She had come from him, and there was a connection and an intimacy there, but there was also the intimacy of the sexual union in the relationship as God brought them together. And it wasn't anything that was shameful. It wasn't something that was not as it should be. Satan's perversion of sex in our society is in another way that degrades the unity and the structure of the family. But in the beginning it was not so, and God created it to be wonderful. And it says they were both naked, the man and his wife, and they were not ashamed. God made everything good, everything appropriate, and it was so. Secondly, I'd like for us to consider, and it's something that I bring out oftentimes during pre-marital counseling, it says, verse 24, the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And so, secondly, we acknowledge that this new couple comes together now and they form a family unit of their own, a household of their own. And I try to encourage, and it's not always the case because of finances, obviously, but that a man and a woman establish their own household upon marriage.

Again, there's times where newlyweds do need to live with parents. You're trying to get on your feet, get established, and that's not necessarily a problem, but I'm just pointing out the principle here is that the man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and together they form now a new, in an individual family structure, family unit. Doesn't mean they won't still be close to their parents. In fact, they should be. They should seek the advice and the counsel of those who have gone before, who are married, who have wisdom and understanding in these things, but it does mean they are now to establish themselves in a manner that works for them in their newly formed family unit. Sometimes what can be a little bit of a challenge for a newly married couple is, he grew up in a family that did things one way, and she grew up in a family that did things another way, and now you're going to blend them together and see what works for you. So, you know, which way do you load the spindle with the roll of toilet paper? Which way does it spin? You know, what kind of family did I marry into? It rolls backwards. You know, how do you squeeze the toothpaste tube? Do you start at one end and work it forward? Or does the new spouse come in, you know, right in the middle of the tube? Do you even share the tube? You know, it's kind of humorous concepts to think about, but it's an illustration of the fact, again, you're coming together from two standpoints of being raised in different ways. You're going to find now what works for you in your family moving forward. Again, this isn't a matter of right or wrong or God's way and not God's way. This is within the principles of God's way. But again, part of the intimacy I believe that God desires between a man and a woman, in part, is setting up their own household, proceeding forward in a way that is now according to their structure. And frankly, that can be a little difficult if you're living in the parent's house, you know, if you have a bedroom in the house. Again, not seeking to criticize that in any way. I'm just bringing out the principle. A newlywed wife should be seeking to please her husband, not her mother-in-law. A newlywed husband should be seeking to please his wife in the same way. This is just simply what God has created, and they move forward as a family together. Again, part of that intimacy that I believe God would desire they develop as a couple. I'd like to read a portion from the marriage ceremony that is read as two are becoming married here in the United Church of God. I'll just read you a few paragraphs. And it says, quote, When God created life upon the earth, he made human beings the pinnacle of his physical creation, fashioning them in his own image. He gave men and women creative minds with the ability to make choices, to develop plans, and to build their lives upon those plans. Men and women were created with the marvelous potential of eternal life in the family of God. And as a loving father, God gave us the institution of marriage and the blessing of a family that we might learn to love one another as he loves us. So what we come to understand, brethren, through the union of marriage, and hopefully we come to understand it in our marriages, is the type of love that God has towards us.

So what is the love of God? You know, how is that manifested towards us?

Well, the love of God is clearly an outward manifestation of love. It's not self-focused, it's not self-centered. What we know of God is that he created mankind out of love to be a part of his family. And so how has he brought that process along? Well, God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, gave his son to die for the sins of humanity. Jesus Christ so loved the world that he willingly laid down his life as a sacrifice. And so what we see is that the love of God is an outgoing love, an outgoing expression of concern, and it is a sacrificial love, one that lays down in a service for another. And it is that type of love that you and I are to come to understand and to build in our marriages as well. I believe the problem with many marriages today is the focus on self.

Focus on self-satisfaction. You know, am I happy? Are all my needs, my wants, are those being met? Have I gotten to where it is that I want to be? You know, has this relationship helped to bring me forward where I want to be? Or is this maybe kind of a drag along the way? Because things aren't quite as I expected they would be. I think self-expectation, self-satisfaction built into a marriage is damaging. In a marriage, we need to learn to give in love as God does. And if the husband does that and the wife does that, guess what? You will receive, but you will also give. And in the marriage, we need to learn to live on both ends of that spectrum. Society around us also can tend to romanticize marriage into an expectation, I think, that is not necessarily realistic. It is desirable, happily ever after. You know, that is what we desire. And hopefully that is what we come to find. But sometimes we almost have a fairy tale expectation in our mind that as long as everything is good and well and you have the job and everybody is healthy, all is good. And as long as those things are maintained, maybe it is a good life. But what happens when struggles come along? When there are challenges, when there are health issues? You know, a lot of times as we are, I recall dating, as you are leading up to marriage, you are trying to put the best foot forward, aren't you? You are trying to, you know, it is nice dinner is out, it is activities, it is, I mean, you are really wanting to impress this girl if you are a guy. And at some point, when we get married, you have us called the honeymoon stage. And it is beautiful and it is wonderful. But also, I think we realize that life is life. And marriages will face challenges. So if our mental focus is on self-serving, I would say in our marriages, it won't be long before we are disappointed. Before we somehow think that my expectations aren't being met. And therein lies the problem. Our expectations, our desires, should be to please our spouse, to provide for, to care for, to love. And if they are doing so in return as well, no matter what obstacles come along, it will be good. Darlan and I, going now next spring, will have been married 25 years next spring. And I will say they have been good years, you know, almost 25 years now. Life was good. I was self-employed. Good job. We were relatively stable financially. Children born and raised. And things were, things have been good.

But I can stop and look back. I would say the last year and a half and there have been challenges. Not challenges meritally, but many of you know the circumstances, just challenges in our life. Severe health trials that have come into more than one member of our family as we've kind of worked through that process together as a family. A year ago, last year in June, our house was taken out by mudslide. We had to relocate, still not back onto our property yet. You know, things happen. So what happens now when there's loss? Maybe there's even loss. In some cases, there have been loss in terms of children. And that's a huge loss. And so there's challenges, there's struggles that now a couple has to face. And those are things that will test the relationship. And if the relationship is not what it should be, if it is lacking, then those things could perhaps even strain it to the breaking point. But again, that is life. You know, those things will come up. But if our relationship is centered on following the biblical principles, as we will see, God helps to bring us through those things, and we carry on together.

I wasn't thinking of mentioning anything, but Darla mentioned to me on my way back up, she says, you might consider, because people have asked. A number of people want to know what's happening with our house, because now, as we're getting set back up on our property, and we've purchased this manufactured home to be relocated, and this has been, as you know, an ongoing thing. We've been under contract for about nine months for this to get moved. And last night, right at sundown, I got a text from our mover who says, oh, by the way, I'm not going to be your mover anymore. And, oh, by the way, sorry, that 50% you put down, you're not getting any of that back. And by the way, you'll be getting a bill from me for my hassles. And by the way, if you don't pay the bill, there'll be a lien on your home. So, you know, I'm looking at that, thinking, well, you know, you try not to even think about that stuff on the Sabbath. And it's like, well, we'll come back to this later. But it's been a challenge. And, you know, I just, I just stopped and I put my arms around my wife, and I said, you know, I wouldn't want to be on this roller coaster ride with anybody else. You know, my wife, she's encouraging, she's upbeat. Some people have called her Pollyanna, and it's actually not always been a compliment. But I appreciate that aspect about her, and I consider her my help and my companion in the way that I need to keep me uplifted and motivated and moving forward as well. You know, God knows, brethren, how to provide a helper comparable to us. But we have to understand the principles as well of building that relationship and moving forward together, even in the difficult times. I could say the evening got better. We had companies show up, and the cat that we have, who we received from Brett and Barb, the cat darted out the door, and the neighbor dog chased it up the tree. And so we're out there at 9 30 at night, Darla and Austin are out there with flashlights, and I'm climbing the pine tree in the front yard, pulling this cat out, you know, if their claws are like Velcro.

But again, that's life, and we move forward in our marriages and our family relationships together.

Brethren, a realistic marriage ought to be two people working together to put God first in their relationship, seeking first the kingdom of God, helping the one that they've partnered with to fulfill the potential for which they have been created in this life. That's not always, and it's not primarily financial, or you know, even what my personal goal was. Again, God created us to be members of his family for eternity. That's the reason we were born, and that the blessing of coming together in a marriage is to help one another seek and fulfill that potential. And so we raise one another up in that way all through the process. Again, it's still about a commitment.

Ephesians chapter 5 outlines for us the proper regard of husbands and wives, how they should interact together in this relationship. Ephesians chapter 5, as I said earlier, there's a responsibility in this that goes both ways. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 22, Apostle Paul writing, he says, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. I'll just close the book. I think we're good for the day. Doesn't stop there, does it? Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wise be to their own husbands and everything. We'll read through to the end of the chapter, and I'll comment. Verse 25, husbands loved your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one has ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. What did Adam say? This is now a bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. He was going to cherish that woman. Verse 30, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, Jesus Christ, and of his bones. And for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. What we see throughout this passage, brethren, is the relationship between the husband and the wife is intended to be a reflection of the relationship between Jesus Christ and the church. There are many lessons along the way we are to be learning. Jesus Christ leads the church in a very loving and a very committed way, having her best interest at heart, so should a husband conduct himself towards his wife.

Loving her, cherishing her, caring for her, the wife in turn is instructed to submit to the leadership of her husband. Again, coming, wives submitting to their husband. And this type of relationship is designed to work well, all right, but there is a parameter to that. It's designed to work well when the husband is fulfilling his God-ordained role and the wife is fulfilling hers, and they come together in unity. It works well when the wife desires to submit to her husband if he is loving and honorable and committed to leading as God would desire he does.

So wives, submit to your husbands, but husbands, if you desire a wife that wants to submit to you, be somebody who is honorable, who is loving, somebody who is worthy of a wife who wants to come under his leadership. Husbands, nowhere in Scripture does it say you can demand your wife submit to you. What's the instruction? It's love your wife as Christ loves the church. So this is speaking of a God-centered relationship where each member serves one another in a bond of love and trust. And it's a wonderful thing when it's done as God intends. You know, a wise man once said, he said, men, if you keep having to tell your wife you're in charge, guess what?

You're not. The point is, again, it's trust, it's respect, it's love, it's something that is built and earned, it is not demanded. At the heart and core of all of this, the question probably comes down to, okay, so what do men want? What do women want out of this relationship? Well, to the ladies, I would say men want to know that they are respected and appreciated by their wives.

They want to know they're respected and appreciated by their wives. And that's going to be reflected in the wife's actions towards her husband. You know, I appreciate what you do. I appreciate your service for our family, your love, your care for us. That's going to be demonstrated through her actions as well as her words. Men want to know that they are respected and appreciated by their family. And so the men, I would say, women want to know that they are loved by their husbands and also that they are respected and appreciated as well.

The wife wants to know that their husbands love them. Again, that's not just going to be words. That's going to be reflected in their actions, how they treat their wives, the manner in which they are the head of their house. If we understand that God is building a family and we understand the relationship whereby the church is to become the bride of Jesus Christ and the family of God, then we should be compelled then to put our best efforts into living according to this standard. To build up the marital relationship, husband loving the wife as Christ loves the church. Wives respecting their husbands and husbands being someone who your wife desires to live in submission to. Proverbs chapter 31, let's look at some practical applications to this.

Proverbs 31.

Proverbs 31 is primarily a proverb about a woman of integrity. This is a woman who's diligent in terms of her love and her care for her husband, for her family, and all that she puts her hand to.

Don't worry, men, we'll come to you too. Proverbs chapter 31, verse 10, here Solomon asks the question. He says, who can find a virtuous wife? The term virtuous wife is literally a woman of valor, a woman of valor. This is someone who is excellent in all forms of the word. And he asks, who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. This is woman who is literally of so much value to her husband as his companion, as his helper, as the one who is by his side. He says, she is more valuable to me than any any riches. I treasure not money, I treasure my wife.

Who can find a virtuous wife? Her value is far above rubies. Verse 11, the heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. Trust is an incredible blessing in a marriage. The ability to trust your spouse, no matter what, to trust them with your emotions, with your intimate secrets, to trust them with your feelings, to trust them sexually, to trust them financially, you know, that the husband isn't out maxing out the credit card at the Harley-Davidson shop while the wife's not looking. You know, there's trust that is built into this relationship, and vice versa as well. Again, here it says, the heart of her husband, of this Proverbs 31 woman, safely trusts her. Trust that is broken is the biggest damaging element to a marriage. Now, trust can be rebuilt, but it takes both parties willingly involved in that. You cannot rebuild trust if one is willing and the other is not. You can't rebuild a broken marriage when one is willing and the other is not. It takes the investment of both, and trust, once broken, is so much harder to rebuild and so much more painful than preserving it and defending it to begin with. I've known of a couple of circumstances, not in the church, not anybody that you would know, but a couple of circumstances. Once with a woman in one marriage and once with a husband in another, where just one day the spouse gets up and takes off, just gone for three, four days. You know, didn't show up from work, didn't come home from work, bank accounts empty. Where are they? And the spouse and the kids are frantic. Finally, spouse shows back up. The missing in action spouse shows back up three, four days later, and it's kind of like, well, what's your problem? I can live my life how I want. You don't think that doesn't break trust and destroy a family. You don't think that's hard to get past? It could get past, but again, it takes both parties willing to contribute. Trust, once broken, is a huge damage to the marriage. And here, it just simply says, the heart of her husband safely trusts in her. Verse 12, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. And I would say, ladies, wives, if you want a motto for being a wife, here it is. Verse 12, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. This is the kind of verse my wife reminds me of when she comes up and she's choking my vitamins down me in the morning.

She says, I'm your helper and I am doing you good. And I say, thanks a lot. But again, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Wives, seek with all your being to support your husband and family for the good. Seek after their well-being, their best interests each and every day. And in doing so, it will not only be an advantage to them, but you will reap the benefit of that in spades. Proverbs 14, verse 1, we won't turn there, but it says, a wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. So when you consider a mother and a spouse in a household, when you consider a wife, she is the core fixture in a household, as it says, that can either build it up, do things that are productive to strengthen and build her house and the house for her husband and her family, or she can tear it apart, rip it down, destroy it with her own two hands. Wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. Again, a wife has an incredible amount of influence in the home that can be used either for the positive or not. And we need to choose to do good each day of your life. Each and every day a wife has a choice, whether she's going to pick up the hammer in the nails and build, or whether she's going to pick up the sledgehammer and start knocking down walls. And God gives the husband similar choices as well.

Seek each day, wives, to be builders towards what God has provided as a blessing in your life. A virtuous woman does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life. Let's jump down now to verse 16. It says, she considers a field and buys it. From her profit, she plants a vineyard. So here, this woman is a savvy businesswoman as well. She's seeking to build up for the good of her family. And, you know, when I read this, it actually reminds me of many housewives that I know, many wives.

Sorry, I didn't mean to say housewives. Many wives are housewives. That is proper and good. But I'm saying wives, some work outside the home. Some have home businesses. Some contribute. In some way, a lot of them have something cooking on the side in order to generate some financial help, or in order to pull together things that the kids need, send the kids to camp, do various activities.

Oftentimes, I see the wives do that as a way that helps to generate and offset what it is as well that the husband provides, and they work together in those things. And it says, she considered a field and bought it. Or, as I think of my wife, she considered a horse and bought it. And it happened on more than one occasion. But it says, from her profit, she plants a vineyard.

So this is an active, a productive thing. This isn't taking the credit card and maxing it out on the side behind her husband's back on some get-rich-quick scheme. It comes back to, again, to trust. His heart safely trusts in her and how she manages the finances and assistance to him, and how she helps to run the household, how she helps to oversee the kids and to be a support and a help to him.

His heart trusts in how she does these things. Verse 18, she perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distuff, and her hand holds the spindle. She extends her hand to the poor, yet she reaches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household is clothed with scarlet.

She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. And so what we have here is a woman who looks out for the good of her husband, for her children, for her household. She's also a humanitarian. She's concerned about those who are in need, and she also cares for herself in a right and proper way. Again, this is describing a virtuous woman or a woman of valor. Verse 23, it says, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. And at some point, I'm thinking about maybe I should give a message on the Proverbs 31 man.

Right? We have the Proverbs 31 woman, but what we understand is that's not all there is to the story. It says of her husband, he is known in the gates. He sits among the elders of the land. He is respected. His opinion is valued. But it's not simply because he is a great guy alone. It is because of the example in his family, in his marriage, the fact that this is an honorable man, and a positive example has been set. When I think about what God has given me opportunity to do, I don't imagine that I would be serving in the ministry of Jesus Christ if my wife was a troublemaker.

She was a rebel rouser, right? If our house was in shambles. It is in shambles, but you know what I mean. The point is that the Proverbs 31 woman was behind in terms of offering the support and a good name. She was a part of the collaboration of the Proverbs 31 man, if I want to use that term, of her husband, known in the gates, and sitting among the elders of the land.

The strength and respectability of a husband is very much tied to that of the wife as well. When she does him good all the days of her life, it leads to blessing for all of her household. And indeed, then that blessing can extend out to others as well. Now, husbands, I don't want you to be neglected in all of this. Let's go to 1 Timothy chapter 5 and verse 8. We'll find a motto for you as well.

1 Timothy chapter 5 and verse 8, also Paul's words. He says, But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

So, as husbands, as men of God, we are expected by God to provide for our own. It says, And especially for his own household. That is our spouse, that is our children, that is our extended family, those that would be within our household under our ability to support and help. And the motto is, I will provide for my own.

I will see that my own is cared for and provided for as God expects. Again, husbands loved your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. You and I as husbands are to give ourselves to our wives and for our wives and our family. And I think we all understand that provision in marriage goes beyond simply financial support. We can't say, Well, you know what? I brought home the bacon. Or in this case, I brought home the turkey bacon. You know, I did my responsibility. What more do you want? Provision and simply not financial alone. It is physical support. It is emotional support. It's mental and spiritual support.

All these things are wrapped into the concept of providing for our own.

So, God has called us as men not simply to flop on the couch in front of the television after work. He has called us to be leaders in the family, again, physically and spiritually, setting the example, teaching our children, pointing our family to God, leading the way in that relationship and in that example. Husbands are called to be protectors, protectors of the family, defenders of their wife and their children. Because we're renting a place down the road from our property, Darla goes up and twice a day takes care of the horses, and if it's getting kind of late in the evening, I don't particularly like it if she goes up by herself. Because it's getting dark and there's been cougar sighted, there's been bear sighted, and it's isolated. And so, if it's getting on near to the evening, I will go with her just simply to see that she's not up there alone. I'd consider that to be part of my responsibility.

Men are called to love their wives and to show them the affection and the care that they need. Those are all elements of the provision of husbands providing for your wives. I believe one of the reasons that marriage and the family are in trouble today is because men have failed to step up and be men. Men according to Scripture, fulfilling the roles according to Scripture. And women, by and large, and in many ways as well, have failed to step up and be women.

And the family is paying the price, and the children are paying the price. And I would just say, brethren, let it not be so among us. God has called us, He's given us the family, He's given us the example by His Word, how we ought to live. Let us show forth that in our families, that it is good, and that God's way does work. So again, to wives, do Him good all the days of your life, and to husbands, provide for your own as God intends. Let's look at another principle here quickly, Proverbs chapter 5 verse 15. This principle applies to both, both husbands and wives.

Proverbs 5, 15. Proverbs chapter 5 verse 15 says, drink water from your own cistern, and running water from your own well. This here speaks to the intimacy that a husband and wife share with one another exclusively. In other words, be satisfied with what you've been blessed with within your marriage. Don't go looking for satisfaction somewhere else. Physical satisfaction, emotional, mental satisfaction. You know, the husband could say, you know, that gal at work in the office, she really understands me. My wife doesn't. You know, I come home, there's this problem, that problem, but she understands me. So I talk to her or this woman who says, that man gets it. My husband doesn't get it. That man gets it. And we can come very quickly and very easily into a dangerous situation now where we reach out to try to get the support or get what it is that we think we're lacking within our marriage from someone else. And the instruction here is to drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well. If there's a problem on the home front, the problem on the home front needs to be addressed. Okay? And that needs to be done in a right and proper way, and counseling is often important. Part of that. But again, let's be careful how we would reach out and to who we would reach out for those relationships. Verse 16, should your fountains be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them not only let them be only your own and not for strangers with you, let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving dear and as a graceful doe, let her breath satisfy you at all times and always be enraptured with her love. Husbands and wives, another element for maintaining a healthy marriage relationship is being committed to drinking from your own well, and when your spouse has absolutely trust that it is so. I appreciate the fact that I leave the country for weeks at time, I go to Africa, and I don't worry about such things because I trust that it is so, and vice versa. Let me tell you, when you step on a plane and you travel around the world, there is opportunity that literally about throws itself at your feet at times. And I would just say that I'm grateful and I'm thankful for the blessing that God has given me in a marriage, and the point is drink water from your own cistern. Look to build within your own marriage that emotional support, that emotional comfort zone. Make your marriage that place of safety, a place where you can be vulnerable before one another, but it's a way that you care for each other. Don't go and say, well, that relationship over there is my safe zone. You know, if that relationship over there is your safe zone, there's a problem in your marriage. Seek to build that, and again, get the appropriate help as necessary. Let's conclude in 1 Corinthians today, chapter 13.

1 Corinthians, chapter 13. This is commonly called the love chapter. It's an expression of the love that we see God towards his people. Christ towards the church, brethren towards one another, and let's also consider it love that a spouse, a husband can have towards his wife, and vice versa. 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verse 4, it says, love suffers.

Fortunately, he says more than that, and I don't think he wrote it with that emphasis, but it says love suffers long. Love is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. It's not puffed up. It does not behave rudely. It does not seek its own. You know, all about me. This is what this is about. It is not provoked. It thinks no evil. It does not rejoice in iniquity, but it rejoices into truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

Brethren, marriage is a blessing ordained by God. When a husband and wife lovingly submit to the roles that God has established for marriage, they also learn how to submit in love to God, and they come to understand the love that God has for them. Applying God's principles for marriage not only produces happy relationships in this life, but doing so helps us to understand God's spiritual plan of salvation for all of mankind. It helps us to understand what it is that God is creating for himself. It helps us to understand that love of God, that his desire for a family. It helps us to understand what it is that he is doing in the church. So, brethren, let us work each and every day at reflecting God's family plan through the blessing of marriage in our life. If he has blessed you in that way and you are in the bounds of marriage, seek to build that up each and every day. Seek to work on your relationship. Seek to be a right and proper husband within the roles God lines out. Seek to be a right and proper wife within that as well. Love one another. Commit to one another. From the beginning, we've seen the example that God has laid out for us in Scripture of the blessing and the benefit of marriage. That wonderful relationship that he's established between one man and one woman.