The Blessings Children Need Most, Part 2

Thank you, extra Benedict. I do want to make one correction. During the announcements, I mentioned the Smith family. It's actually the Jones family. And Smith and Jones, they do all look alike, and it's easy to get those two mixed up. But it's David and Jones. I did see David at the conference in Cincinnati. Joy wasn't feeling well, so she wasn't able to join us. But I'm glad she's feeling better and is here with us today. Well, brethren, the ceremony of the blessing of little children that we had just after the Feast of Tabernacles, we all know is a very meaningful one. It really was very moving to have all the children down here and to have the ministers pray for them.

We know that Jesus Christ took up the little ones into His powerful arms and He pronounced a blessing upon them. We know that God the Father loves children. We know that they are a blessing from God, that they are His inheritance to us. We know that Jesus Christ loves children and Christ gave them what they needed. He gave them a blessing from the one who could really deliver for them. And we follow His example, asking a blessing upon our little children. But again, my question for all you parents and members of the Church of God here today is, what can we, all of us, do to bless our children?

What can we do as ambassadors for Jesus Christ, as called out ones, as the saints of God, to bless the children that are in our midst? What blessings do our children need most from us? We as parents and also as loving members of God's Church can be a blessing to our children. We must be that blessing to our children that Christ wants us to be. So what can we do?

What can you do? What can all of us do? What blessings do our children need most? Today I'd like to continue with the sermon that I gave a few weeks ago when we covered four of the seven blessings that we need to be sure we are giving our children. You might recall that I closed that sermon down a little bit early because I knew I couldn't do justice. I had too much material. Well, since then I've added a lot more material.

But I'm hoping we'll get done today. We'll see. In my way of review, the first blessing that we can give our children is to make sure that we give them a godly example, a godly example at all times and in all ways. And that's not just parents, but that's every single one of you in this room. We need to give them a repentant example because it won't be a perfect one. None of us are perfect. We'll fall short. But, brethren, we need to be repentant. We need to be God's people and be repentant and show that we're really striving to live every word of God.

We should hate hypocrisy. We talked about that a bit. Hate it in ourselves first and foremost, but also hate it wherever we see it and stand up against it. We are under the new covenant, so God's place to be written in our hearts and in our minds, and we are to walk in the spirit of God's law.

And that's the example that we need to show our children. So that means we need to be producing the fruit of God's Holy Spirit in our lives. We need to be loving people, joyful people. We need to be patient people. We need to be kind and we need to be good. We need to be faithful in self-discipline, self-control. We need to do all of the things that God tells us in His Word.

We need to set an example at all times and in all ways that would reflect the very character of the God and His Son that we serve. So that was the first point, the first blessing. Your example. The second one is that we have to give our children consistent standards, guidelines, and expectations.

In Deuteronomy 6, it talks about those standards, those guidelines, those expectations as we go about our daily lives. We need to teach our children. We need to take advantage of teachable moments. And we need to be consistent in the guidelines that we give, in the standards that we uphold, and also of our expectations because our children will live up to our expectations. And so we should have high expectations of them. Again, the Ten Commandments in the fruit of God's Spirit are the standards.

Again, the Ten Commandments, both in the letter and the Spirit, and the fruit of God's Spirit, these are the standards, the guidelines, and the expectations that we should have for our children. These principles are what our children need to be taught from their birth. Thirdly, another blessing that we need to give our children is love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness. Love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness. These characteristics all go together. If we're all focused, if all we're focused on is rules, then our children will learn to be rigid and very judgmental. So we mustn't just be focused on rules. We need to give them rules, and we need to have rules and standards, of course, for them.

But we also need to give them our love, our acceptance, our patience, and our forgiveness. So we need to focus on these things, and we need to share them every day with our children. God is accepting God. He is not a respecter of persons. I mentioned that God doesn't reject people because of their looks or their quirks.

And we need to be careful that we set an example like that for our children. We need to be accepting people who love people. Of course, we don't condone sin, but we love people, and we're consistent in that. We should teach our children to be accepting of others and to love all people and learn to see the good in people. And we do so by being that way ourselves. Do you see the good in people, or are you more inclined to focus on the negative, on things that aren't so great or so good about people? Can you look past that and see the good?

Because we really do need to look past people's shortcomings, and we need to see the many good things that everyone has to add. And it's true for everyone in this room and everyone in the world. There are good things. I mean, there are very few that are incorrigibly wicked through and through. Now, I'm saying there's some out there like that, but not many, I wouldn't think.

So we need to look for the good in people. So our children need love, acceptance, patience, and forgiveness. And that is a blessing that we can give our children at all times. And then fourthly, our children need continual encouragement. Now, this should be a no-brainer because we all respond better to encouragement.

A lot better than we do to someone who is critical and who discourages us. Again, courage is God in us. It's His strength and power in us. So we need to be courageous and we need to encourage one another. We should all be careful to encourage our children in pursuing their interests and things that are important to them. If there's nothing wrong with an interest that they have, then we should strive to develop that interest because there's something there and we need to develop that in our children.

We should be careful to validate them in regards to what is important to them personally. And then their talents and their abilities will shine. Remember, every you and I are trying to paint the picture of a true Christian. We want to paint a masterpiece. Our life needs to be a masterpiece.

You've heard or you've seen the movie, probably many of you, what is it, Hollins Opus or Mr. Hollins Opus? He was a band director, a band teacher, and he had a tremendous influence in his students' lives.

You have a tremendous influence in your children's lives and all the children that come around you. Make sure you are painting a masterpiece in your life, the picture of a true Christian. So those are the first four principles that we talked about, the first four blessings that we need to give our children on a continual basis. Let's talk about three more. A fifth blessing that we should certainly give our children, they need proper correction and discipline with godly love.

They need proper correction and discipline in godly love. Now this is a big principle and we'll take quite a bit of time discussing it today because we need to have the proper balance when it comes to disciplining and correcting our children. Why do our children need correction? Why do they need discipline? Well, there are many, many reasons. I'll just give you three. First of all, because knowing that we adults need correction, do you not need correction at times?

Are you perfect? You need correction. You need discipline, so it's a no-brainer that our children must learn to be disciplined. It doesn't just come naturally. They need to be taught discipline. It is our job as parents and as adults to teach them proper discipline. So what is proper discipline? Some basic things certainly need to be taught to our children, like good hygiene. Now that's important. That's a discipline that children need to learn.

Good hygiene to take care of themselves, to respect themselves. Also, teaching them dependability to be responsible, to be honest, to tell the truth, to be hardworking, to be good employees when they get to be employees, to be conscientious, to have integrity. These are all disciplines that we need to teach our children. And first and foremost, we do it by our example, by the example that we set in those areas, but also through proper instruction in teaching them.

Children learn these attributes by seeing good examples in their lives and by being taught to be that way. So that's the first reason they need to be disciplined and they need to be corrected.

Secondly, children need correction and discipline so they will develop good consequential reasoning. I think I mentioned that last time, and you'll probably hear that a lot from me, because I believe it's essential. They need to know the consequences of what they're about to do and hopefully that will help them avoid doing it. They need to develop good consequential reasoning.

They need to think before they act. They should automatically ask themselves, what will be the consequences if I do what I'm thinking or considering doing? What price will I likely have to pay for doing this? And again, what would God have me do?

One day I explained to my five-year-old daughter that if she chose to disobey me and it is a choice, she would have to live with the consequences.

Oh, Ami, she said with a terrified look on her face, please don't make me live with the consequences. I want to live here with you.

So children, don't worry, we're not going to send you off.

Convences is a big word. It basically just means that if you do a certain thing, if you reap, if you sow something, you will reap something, something will happen. If you do a certain thing, something is going to happen, whether good or bad, depending perhaps on what it is you've chosen to do. Those are the consequences. What will follow? So we need to teach our children good consequential reasoning. And number three, another reason children need correction and discipline is because sometimes they need a course change. Sometimes they're headed in the wrong direction and they need to see, they need something that will help them going in the, to help them go in the right direction. Oftentimes they think they're doing just fine. They think everything's rosy and everything's going well. But discipline and correction teaches them to take heed lest you fall. Don't always think that things are rosy, because if you're doing something that's against God's law, it will catch up with you. Be sure your sins will find you out. Numbers 32, 23, they will find you out. So we need to teach our children to go in a different direction if they're headed in the wrong direction. So that's why they need to be corrected. They need to be disciplined. It helps get them on the right track again. It helps get them moving in the right direction again. Correction introduces the need to change one's thinking. It's an attitude adjustment, perhaps. At times you probably heard that.

They need an attitude adjustment. Sometimes we have to help them change their attitudes about things. It forces them to consider what they're doing and where they may be headed. So there's many, many reasons why we need to discipline and correct our children. It is for their own good.

And so we have to be actively involved in disciplining our children. And there are many ways to discipline children. Sometimes it's just through our looks by a look. Kids can get the point sometimes just by a look. Like, you better stop. Like right now. That may be all it takes.

That's correction. It may be a word or two or a sentence or two, and that's enough.

So I'd say the least that it takes, that's what you should do. Whatever the least is, whatever it takes to get their attention and to help them realize that they need to change their thinking or change their attitude, sometimes a time out will work. Sometimes it takes more than that, and you have to be wise in deciding what it takes. But children certainly do need correction and they need to be taught discipline.

Now, I know that one of the hardest jobs for a parent is making a child realize that no is sometimes a complete sentence. No! Don't do that. Sometimes that's all they need to hear, because it could be critical that they stop whatever they're doing immediately. And when they hear the word no, that should get their attention. If your child doesn't pay attention to the word no, then you're making a mistake in your child-rearing. If they don't know what no means, then you need to teach them what no means. They need to learn what no means. It's a powerful word.

So use it as you need to. Don't overuse it. But use it as you need to, and they need to take note. When you say no, you mean no. There's really no compromise with the word no.

Pediatricians and psychologists are finding out that today's parents are too permissive. So this isn't me saying this, but this is pediatricians and psychologists in the world today are finding in general parents are too permissive. They are reluctant—let's see, I'm reading from the problem with kids today. Today's parents, some say. So sometimes it's the parents that are causing a problem with the children. This was written by Karen Stabiner. The problem with kids today, question mark, today's parents, some say. It came out in the New York Times in June of 2000.

So let me share it with you. Pediatricians and psychologists are finding today's parents are too permissive. They are reluctant to set limits for their children. And this benign parental neglect, it is neglect, it's for its arming kids from the ages of nine months—nine months is what they say—to adolescence. Karen Stabiner writes in the New York Times, it seems that the parents of today's parents, those strict disciplinarians of the 1950s and early 60s, may have been right all along.

Father and mother did know best. Nancy Sammelon, a parent educator in New York City, sees both single and two-parent families as overwhelmed. Do you ever feel overwhelmed? I suspect you do. If you have children in this fast-paced world, you probably feel overwhelmed at times.

So Nancy Sammelon says parents want their children to love them, and it's harder to say no than yes, especially if you've been working all day and you're tired. It's easy to give in. Telling a child no is essential to raising healthy kids, according to Linda Rubinoitz, psychologist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University in Chicago. It gives the child a sense—I'm quoting from her—it gives the child a sense that you really understand what's going on, and it gives the child a way to deal with a problem in a social context, and tell them, say your mom and dad won't let you do it, if there's peer pressure is what she's talking about. If there's peer pressure, tell them your mom and dad won't let you do it, and then if you need to grumble a little bit, that's up to you. It's face-saving for the child is what she's saying, but you need to help your children, and you need to give them guidelines, and it's fine to say no.

Ravetta Bowers heads the Center for Early Education in Los Angeles. She says schools are replacing parents. Schools now make rules, which in many instances are the only rules, that are not open to arbitration or negotiation. What children really need is guidance and love and support. We expect them to act more and more like adults, while we act more and more like children.

Again, this is from the New York Times. Then when we're ready to act like parents, they bristle at the retaking of authority. In other words, you can't leave it to beaver.

You can't just leave it to beaver. So that was Karen's stabboner from the problem with kids today, today's parents, some say. In Proverbs 22, verse 15, it says that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction drives it far from him. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction drives it far from him. So the Bible is not against a rod of correction. There is a time to spank, and it has to be done in proper balance, and frankly, one or two swats should be plenty. They should hurt, they should inflict pain, and a child should know something happened. And they should take note, and that should be sufficient. You don't need to spank them more than that, but you need to get their attention, so it has to hurt enough, but don't leave marks, you know all about that. We don't want to overdo it. We certainly don't want to hurt our children. We love our children.

So we have to be very careful how we discipline them, and it always has to be in control, and not in anger, and out of love. But foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, and the rod of correction will drive it far from him. It probably works better than anything in some instances. But it should be used sparingly. It really needs to be used sparingly, and if you use it consistently, it will only need to be used sparingly. Other forms of discipline can usually be used, but you have to be consistent in disciplining your children. By the way, according to a recent study, 90 percent of parents of preschool children spanked their preschool children last year. Ninety percent of the people. So the vast majority of people do utilize corporal punishment as a form of discipline. This came from Dr. Murray Strauss. It was cited in Bottom Line. This was actually, it's been a while, 1995. So I don't know if that's dropped since then. But it's from Leadership Magazine. Ninety percent of the people, though, spanked their children. You know, again, foolishness is not, you don't spank a child just because they're acting foolishly. There are many times when that's fine, a little bit of foolishness, depending on what it is. For example, this is a little foolish.

This came from Gwen Moulda from Michigan. It was in today's Christian Woman magazine, an article called Small Talk. She says, While I was preparing dinner one evening, my six-month-old daughter, six-month-old Carrie, she began to fuss in the next room. Christina, my four-year-old, offered to go give Carrie her pacifier. After several minutes passed, I called to Christina. Did you put the pacifier in her mouth? She replied, No, Mom, she likes my toe better. That's kind of foolish, but, you know, that's nothing to discipline a child for.

Now, they'll do things like that.

Now, this next story, you can decide what you would do here. Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For facilities, the family had to use an outhouse. This was probably a while ago. The little boy hated the outhouse because it was hot in the summer, it was cold in the winter, and guess what? It stunk all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek, and the little boy was determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the river.

One day after the spring rained, the creek was swollen so that the little boy decided that today was the day to put the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick, and he pushed and pushed against it. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the swollen creek, and it floated away.

That night, the father confronted the son and said, Son, someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?

Yes, the boy answered sheepishly. Then he thought the moment and he said, Dad, you know, I read in school that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth. The father replied, Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree. Another little story about children. During a long and losing baseball game, the restless 12-year-old players were questioning Richie, who was the assistant coach, about his attractive younger sister. Annoyed at the idle chatter, the head coach hollered, When you're in the dugout, talk baseball. After a moment of silence, a young voice began, So Richie, does your sister play baseball? So there is a little foolishness that goes on. Some things are not, you know, infractions that need to be disciplined. Others are. You have to decide. Here's another one. With much pleat, solemn vows of good behavior, little Steve persuaded his mother to let him sit with a group of his friends during church. But remember, I'm sitting two rows behind you, his mother told him, I will be keeping an eye on you. Perhaps some of you have been in this situation where you allowed your child to sit with someone during services. Despite good intentions, Steve was soon giggling. He was soon giggling and he was squirming with his buddies. Unable to get his attention, Steve's mom walked forward, took her son by the head, and began to escort him out to what they call the cry room. We don't call it the cry room. The mother's room, somewhere at the back of the sanctuary. Halfway down the aisle, Steve looked at the congregation and cried out piteously, everybody, pray for me!

All right, let's go to Hebrews chapter 12. Let's get serious for a moment. Hebrews chapter 12.

Hebrews chapter 12 verse 5.

And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons, My son, do not despise the tasting of the Eternal, the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. And again, remember, we are all children in God's sight, no matter how old we are. And if we're 80 or 90 years old, we're still children in God's sight. And there isn't that much difference between a 5-year-old and an 80-year-old when you look at eternity. So we're all children in that sense. So my son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens, and he scourges every son whom he receives.

And if you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten, or correct, or discipline? But if you are without chastening, at which you have become partakers, then you are illegitimate, and you're not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits? God is spirit, of course. And if we do so, we will live. If we learn to subject ourselves to the Father's will, we will live. For they, indeed, for a few days, chastened us as seen best to them, speaking about a human father, but he does it for our prophet, that we may be partakers of his holiness. Sometimes human fathers correct their children because they're annoyed at what their child is doing. You know, they can't hear the TV, or they can't hear the radio, or something's going on. Their kids are playing, or laughing too loud.

And so, they'd be down. So sometimes human fathers chasten because it's best for them, personally.

But God always does it for our for our prophet, for what's best for us, that we may be partakers of his holiness. That's what God wants from each and every one of us. He wants us to be holy, even as he is holy. Now, no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but it's painful.

Nevertheless, afterward, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. So chastening, correcting, and disciplining is a way of training. And it should lead to righteousness. When doing it properly, it should help our children become more righteous in how they live their lives. And we should become more righteous when we understand God's correction in our lives. The word chastening is a Greek word here in Hebrews. It basically means tutorage, or education, or training. By implication, it is disciplinary correction. It is chastisement or instruction. It is nurturing. So children, don't be discouraged or become angry when your parents discipline or correct you. Realize that it is your parents' duty to guide and direct you. So I'm talking to you children out there now. Don't become discouraged. Don't become angry if your mom or dad disciplines you, corrects you in various ways. Realize that it is their job to do so, that God holds them accountable for that. And proper correction is one of the tools that they need to use in helping you become the type of person that you need to be when you become adults.

They need to guide you on the right path that will lead to success in life. Trust me, if you learn to be disciplined, you will be a success in life. If you learn to apply godly principles in your lives, you will be very successful. Because those principles lead automatically to success.

Doesn't mean you might not have a few hard times along the way, but overall there will be great success in your life. So don't be discouraged. Don't be angry when your parents discipline or correct you.

Your parents do so, so again you will be successful, so you'll be joyful, so you'll learn to be happy and fulfilled in life and help keep you on the right path. Now I know that many of you probably remember the name Dylan Klebold. You probably remember it. You may not remember why you remember it, but on April 20th, 1999 at Columbine High School, Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris killed 12 students. This is a teenager who killed 12 students and one teacher and injured 24 others before taking their own lives. The November 2009 issue of Oprah's O Magazine features an article by Dylan's mother, by Susan Klebold, where she offers her perspective on the terrible events that happened back again in 1999. She writes how she was perceived as an accomplice to the killings. The mother was considered an accomplice to these killings simply because she had raised a monster.

In a newspaper survey taken just after the shootings, 83 percent of people were killed 83 percent of respondents believed the killings happened because Dylan and Eric's parents did not teach them proper values. This is what Susan writes, Dylan was a product of my life's work, but his final actions implied that he had never been taught the fundamentals of right and wrong. There was no way to atone for my son's behavior. She goes on to write, In Ephesians 6, verses 1-4, the Bible says, Children obey your parents in the Lord.

So when your parents are teaching you right principles from the Bible, then you need to obey them. Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and the admonition of the Lord. Now, I don't know where Mr. Klebold was. I don't know if they were divorced. I don't know. I didn't go back and look all that up. So I don't know this story very well, but obviously the father is not even mentioned in the article. And there are a lot of broken homes out there and a lot of distant fathers or absent fathers, fathers that are not involved with their children.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord. And fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and the admonition or the warning of the Lord. Now, the NIV, I don't normally quote much from the NIV, but sometimes it does help give a better sense in some things. In verse 4 it says, fathers do not exasperate your children.

Don't cause your children anxiety. Sometimes fathers will do that because they really haven't learned how to discipline properly or how to treat their children with the proper kind of respect.

Instead, bring them up in the training and the instruction of the Lord. So, fathers, that is your job to teach your children, and you need to be actively involved. It's not the wife's, it's not the mother's job to rear the children. It is, yes, it is her job, but not her job alone.

And the fathers need to be very, very involved in rearing their children. If they're gone a lot, which sometimes they are, they need to take advantage of what time they do have, and they need to make phone calls back home if they're away. And they need to talk to their children, and they need to stay in touch with their kids. They need to know what's going on in their lives, and they need to be very actively involved in instructing and guiding and teaching and helping mom with the rearing of the children. So this word, again, it means to rear up to maturity, to chasten your children, to rear them up to maturity, to cherish or train them, to bring them up. Again, it's to nourish them, to give them what they need, like nutrients. The food that we eat, it has to have good nutrients that will help us grow strong and keep us healthy. And that's the same thing. We need to nurture our children and give them what they need. Again, we need to train them. We need to discipline them, chasing them in the right way. We need to warn them when they're beginning to go astray. We need to bring them back on the right course.

There are many, many examples of children who have gone absolutely berserk in today's society.

And it's a sad state of affairs that you send your children to public school and you are somewhat concerned what might happen that day.

Because if they're high, especially if they're high school and middle school and whatnot, you know, with no telling what a child might be into. Now, in Revelation 3, verse 19, Jesus Christ says in Revelation 3, 19, As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten.

As many as I love, I rebuke and chasten. So be zealous therefore and repent. The word used in Revelation 3, 19 for chasten is the same word about training up a child or disciplining them, educating them, instructing them, teaching them.

The word used in the same verse for rebuke is a word, again, that means to admonish, to rebuke someone, to admonish, to warn them, to convict them, to convince them, to reprove them.

So we're to train up a child in the way that he should go. And part of that is discipline and correction. So it's very important that you get actively involved in the education of your child.

Our children need proper discipline. They need it in love and they need it to be consistent.

So you have to get involved. And that leads us to the second or the sixth. How are we doing? Okay. Our children need, this is the sixth principle, our children need quality and quantity time with their parents. Our children need quality and quantity time with their parents. So quality time is not enough. And quantity time is not enough. They need both quality and quantity time. So there really is nothing more important than you spending time with your children. Certainly the football game is not more important. Do we make our children the priority that they should clearly be in our lives? Do our actions show that they are a very top priority? What about the time we spend with them and the time we devote to them? Do we actively play with our children? And I'm talking about all ages of children, very small, and as they grow older, do we play with them to get involved in the things that they like to do? Do we take time to read to them? Do we actively teach them God's values and give them the guidance that they're going to need to succeed in life? In Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians chapter 5, the Apostle Paul gives wise instruction here. He tells us to be wise and to redeem the time. God gives us only so much time. And we need to use the time that God gives us wisely and profitably. In Ephesians chapter 5 verse 15, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 18, see then that you walk circumspectly.

That means carefully, that you walk carefully, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time because the days are evil. These days are evil as well. Just every bit as equal as they were back in the time of Paul, perhaps even more so. These days are evil. We need to redeem the time. We need to buy back the time. We need to use it wisely and effectively. Therefore, do not be unwise.

He's speaking to all parents and all of us as adults. Don't be unwise but understand what the will of the Lord is. We need to understand God's will. We need to redeem the time. And part of that time certainly needs to be spent on our children. They need quality and quantity time from us. Knowing what God's will is in regard to your children and your responsibility in rearing them in the ways of God is all important. You have to know God's will in regard to your children and realize your responsibility in rearing them in the ways of God. Deuteronomy chapter 6, again, our whole program here at church is built around this principle where parents lead the way.

Parents take the responsibility upon themselves. They teach their children diligently as they go throughout their day. They talk to them when they sit in their house, when they walk by the way, when they lie down, when they rise up all day long. They're instructing the children. This is both quality and quantity time that this verse is talking about. Deuteronomy 6 is talking about quality and quantity time. It requires both. So when you're going about your day, don't get to take advantage of the many teaching moments in life. You have to be directly involved in directing your kids. So you have to teach them proper values. Christina Summers said in an article entitled, The War Against Boys, that leading children to discover their own values is a little like putting them in a chemistry lab full of volatile substances. Substances that will explode and saying, discover your own compounds. Children, have fun. I know you can't do that. You don't leave a child in with a bunch of dangerous compounds and let them mix it all up.

The same thing is true in life. You have to teach them the proper values. The way to walk, it is your job. The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse has released an extensive study on teens and substance abuse. Their main finding was that teens whose parents have established rules in the house have better relationships with their parents and a substantially lower risk of smoking, of drinking, and using illegal drugs than the typical teen.

Again, it's important that you spend quality and quantity time as you instruct and guide your children. Out of the 526 girls and 474 boys, so there is a thousand children that were interviewed, and they were between the ages of 12 and 17, the study found that only 25 percent of those children, one-fourth, live with parents who establish and enforce rules in the home. The other 75 percent basically are on their own. These 25 percent are at less risk for drug abuse than teens whose parents impose few or no rules. The study discovered that the successful parents habitually did at least 10 of the following 12 actions. So I'm going to list 12 of these, and the successful parents were doing consistently 10 of these. Number one, they monitored what their teens watched on TV.

Number two, they monitored what their teens did on the internet. Number three, they put restrictions on the CDs that they listened to and by. Number four, they know where their parents are after school and on weekends. Number five, they are told the truth by their teens about where they really are going. Okay, so their teenagers tell them the truth. They don't lie to them because they've been taught honesty. And it pays off. Number six, they are very aware of their teen's academic performance.

Very aware. They know what's going on at school. They know how they're doing. Number seven, they impose a curfew. Number eight, this is teenagers. They make clear that they would be extremely upset, in quotes, if their teen ever used pot. Because your children will likely be exposed to pot. As they grow older, it's going to happen. So they need to know that you will be extremely upset. This is not something that they're to do. Eat dinner with their teens. This was another thing. I guess this is eight or nine. Eat dinner with their teen six or seven nights a week.

They eat dinner with their teens. And if you're not there in the evenings, perhaps you can have breakfast with them. They turn off the TV during dinner. This is another one. They turn off the TV during dinner. They assign their teen regular chores. They give them regular chores to do. They find something for their children to be responsible for. And they have an adult present when the teens return home from school. There's someone there for them. Of the teens living in lax homes, only 24 percent had an exceptionally good relationship with their mothers and 13 percent with their fathers. 24 percent of the teens that lived in what they would consider lax or permissive homes, only 24 percent had a relationship with their mothers and 13 percent with their fathers.

Of the teens living in relatively strict homes, 57 percent had an exceptionally good relationship with their mothers and 47 percent with their fathers. So being strict is important. You have to be strict, but you have to do it in love, and you have to have the right balance, and you have to spend quality and quantity time with your children. The Center's President Joseph A. Califano, Jr., former U.S. Secretary of Health, Education, and Welfare, comments, mothers and fathers who are parents rather than pals can greatly reduce the risk of their children smoking, drinking, and using drugs. Mothers and fathers who are parents rather than pals.

Now, I think you can probably be a pal, but you sure need to be a parent, first and foremost, with your children.

And this came from Pete Hartog's A Study on Rules, a study, colon, Rules Improve Parent-Child Relationship. Rules Improve the Parent-Child Relationship.

Now, brethren, it's important to find something that you can do with your child on a regular basis that you both enjoy doing. Perhaps it's sports that you can do together.

Sometimes it's baseball, it's softball, it's soccer, it's basketball.

And boys and girls both like sports, so you can get involved with your boy or girl. Or it could be art, it could be any number of things, music. But again, get involved in their lives.

On January 1, 2008, Keith Severin and his 7-year-old son, Adrian, agreed that every day for one whole year, they would spend at least 15 minutes searching together for treasure. Okay, this is what they decided to do. You need to decide something that you can do with your child on a regular basis. The idea came to them when Keith came out of a store one day, and a guy asked him for change. Keith took about two steps from that side, and he found a dime on the ground.

It was a reminder that treasure is everywhere. So Keith and Adrian stuck to their plan, even when the weather wasn't favorable. And over the course of that year, they stumbled upon plenty of loose change. Upon bottles, I'm assuming probably aluminum cans and things that they could turn in for money. A silver necklace, a golf bag, pull cart, you know, who knows what you're going to find out there. By year's end, they had amassed over a thousand dollars worth of treasure through their 15-minute walks. But Keith says it was richer by far, simply to grow in their relationship as father and son. He says it was nice to spend some time with my son and get to know him.

As they talked not about treasure, but about vacation, about what's going on at home and in school, they even dreamed up books that they could write about their occurrences together.

So this was taken from an article, you'd be amazed what you can find on a walk. A boy and his dad prove it.

As adults, we are all very busy, and it isn't all that hard to neglect our children and to get caught up in our own little worlds. What is happening in your life right now to distract you from spending the needed time with your children? You should ask yourself that. What is getting in the way of you spending time with your kids? In a study published in the journal Pediatrics, a team of researchers observed families eating at fast food restaurants, watching how parents interacted with their mobile devices. Any of you have a mobile device?

Sure you do. So this study watched how parents interacted with their mobile devices while they shared a meal with their children. In a summary of their conclusions, the researcher said the dominant theme was what they called the degree of absorption in devices that the caregivers exhibited, in other words, their parents. For a majority of the parents, the study found their primary engagement was with the device rather than the child. The researchers also noted that highly absorbed caregivers, again parents, often responded harshly to tiled misbehavior. So when you're on the phone and your child's running wild and you finally notice it and you get angry, how do you react to them? Katherine Steiner Adair, a psychologist who has interviewed thousands of children and parents about the role of screens, talking about these little devices or iPads or, you know, tablets of all sorts. She interviewed thousands of children and parents about the role of screens in a child's life. She concluded that our kids are well aware of our media absorption. Your children know how much time you spend on your phone. She says children of all ages, age 2, 15, 18, 22, use the same phrases to talk about how hard it is for them to get their parents' attention when they need it.

Sad, angry, mad, frustrated is what the children said. That's how they feel when you're spending more time on this phone than paying attention to your children.

They were complaining that their parents were focused on screens, she continued, like a child's chorus of all ages talking about this new sibling rivalry, only it's not a new member of the family, a new screen. It's a new device. So ask yourself, is this thing getting in the way?

I came from Perry Class, M.D., article. Parents are wired to distraction. There are many, many distractions in this life, and I believe Satan is the father of distractions.

Satan loves to distract people. He's the god of this world. He broadcasts in all kinds of ways, and he could be using a device to get between you and your child.

Proper balance, proper godly balance, is the key to our relationships with our children.

It could be a top priority in our lives.

So, again, godly balance is the key. Here's an interesting little story about a father and a child. This is from Paul Hampton, from the Christian Reader article, Kids of the Kingdom. It was a hectic day of running errands with my wife and son.

This is what Paul the father writes. As distress were not enough, four-year-old Christopher insisted on asking questions about everything. He told me how to drive better, sang every song that he knew. So a four-year-old would do that. I'm really looking forward to our grandson coming.

Finally, fed up with the incessant chatter, I made him an offer. Christopher, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter. Well, it worked. But when we stopped for lunch, I unknowingly began to harp on him. Christopher, sit up straight. Christopher, don't spill your drink. Christopher, don't talk with your mouth full. Finally, he said seriously, down the road, dad, if you'll be quiet for just a few minutes, I'll give you a quarter.

Well, you know, again, we have to be in tune with our children, and we need to instruct them properly. But we don't want to overdo it, and you never know what might come out of the mouth. The 2012 Teen Internet Behavior Study shows that there is a profound disconnect between parents and their teenagers regarding teens' online activities. The study stated most parents insist they're in control when it comes to marrying their teen's online behavior.

Yet many teens believe their parents are in the dark. Here are some of the most surprising results from the survey. So parents, listen carefully. 48 percent of parents believe their teens tell them everything that they do online. Okay, 48 percent of parents believe that. 71, that means 52 percent don't believe it, but 48 still do. 71 percent of teens have done something to hide their online activities from their parents. This statistic is up from only 45 percent in 2010.

So it's on the rise. 71 percent of teens have done something to hide their online activities. You know, you can hide things on here. There's a mechanism here to, you know, you can mark the history off or, you know, they could be doing who knows what. So maybe you might want to confiscate these things at a certain time every evening. 45 percent of teens visit websites. They know their parents would disapprove of. 24 percent of parents are aware of this. So that means, what, 76 percent or not? 43 percent of teens access simulated violence online.

If you're playing some of these Kill'em games, you need to put a stop to that. That's a very, very dangerous practice. They don't need to be doing that. That's not healthy for their brains.

I mean, there's some very bloody kind of stuff out there and really take care of it while they're younger because you won't be able to as they get older. You know, as they get older, the harder it becomes. Don't let it ever start. It says 15 percent of parents are aware that their children go to simulated violence online. 33 percent of teens admit to watching porn online. Us 33 that admit it. 33 percent admit to doing it. So how many are doing it that don't admit it?

10 percent of parents are aware of this. My child wouldn't do that. Don't be so naive.

Your child might do that. 22 percent of teens cheated on a test via their mobile phones.

Five percent of parents are aware of this. I hadn't even thought of that one. 22 percent of teens cheated on a test. I guess they had their mobile phones and you can look up anything. You can Google it all, right? Find the answers. I'm sure that instructors look out for devices.

I don't know if they compensate them in school. I don't know what's going on in school these days. But anyway, I know a lot of kids have access to cell phones. The study concluded that parents must be jolted out of their complacency, a huge gap between what teens doing online and what parents really know. It's a word to the wise parents. This came from the digital divide, how the online behavior of teens is getting past their parents. This was in June of 2012.

Parents, do you know where your children are? Do you know what you're doing? I don't know. It got cut off there, and I didn't get the rest of that. But we need to know what's going on with our children. So, quality and quantity time, I hope I've sold you on the idea that it's imperative that you're spending both quality and quantity time with your children. Okay, let's go to the last principle, the last blessing. Our children need bridges, not barriers. Our children need lots of bridges, not so many barriers in their lives. Life is tough, and to get through life, we need lots more bridges than we do barriers. Bridges allow us to move forward. Bridges allow us to get over barriers or obstacles, big gullies or rivers or whatever, as we build bridges when we need to move forward. If there's river or canyon in our way, we build a bridge to get over it, to get to the other side so we can move on in our lives. Building bridges isn't usually easy, is it? It's a monumental task. They take a lot of time. They take effort. They take money. They take hard work. But they're generally well worth it in time. They pay off. So, what bridges do you need to build for your children? What do you need right now to better their lives? Are they getting a good education? Are you making sure that they're getting a good education? Just because they're going to school doesn't necessarily mean they're getting a good education. You need to make sure that they are. Are they getting the proper opportunities to develop their talents and to build skills in their lives? Again, if they like sport, are you providing opportunities for them in balance? Again, everything needs to be done in a godly balance. Do you play with your children?

Do you get involved? Do you go to their games? Do you support them if they're ice skaters? Do you support them? Do you get up early in the morning? Some of you, I know, do. Do you do these things because you care for your children, because you love them, and you want the best for them? If they like to draw or paint, are you providing the materials for them so that they can develop their talents? We're going to have plenty of barriers in life. We're going to have plenty of trials and challenges, and our kids have plenty of trials and challenges and barriers. As parents and members of God's Church, we need to build bridges for our children. They still need to walk over the bridges. They'll have to do their part. They'll have to get involved, but we can help them along as they walk through life. So let's take note that bridges are built, first of all, by humility.

That's how you build a bridge, oftentimes. An apology is a bridge.

A repentant frame of mind when you've blown it. That's a bridge. All these traits go a long way in building bridges and breaking down barriers between you and your child. It's never too late to say you're sorry for what you've done. Don't let pride get in the way. Your children will respect you more because of your humility. Your older children, especially, they're wise enough to know when you mess up. They see it anyway. If you don't admit it, they still see it. Resentment just builds up when apologies do not occur. Don't apologize for the correction you give if it's appropriate.

But if you overreact, if you go too far, then you need to spend time and tell your children what you've done and how you could have done it better. So bridges are built by humility. They're also built by proper respect toward your children. We need to respect our children. We need to have mutual respect between father and son and mother and daughter and mother and son and father and daughter. We need to respect each other for our feelings. We need to listen to each other.

We need to express love toward each other. Lots of hugs, lots of kisses. That's what our children need. You know, there are examples of Abraham and Moses bargaining with God. We don't have time to go talk about them, but you know what they are. Many of you know the examples where they bargained with God and God listened. And God changed and God reconsidered. Not only did God respect their opinions, but his total lack of pride caused him to reconsider his decisions and change his punishment in the case of Moses and give more leeway in the case of Abraham. Should we show our children any less respect? Shouldn't we listen to them when they come to us?

We need to be there for them. So bridges are built by humility. They're built by respect. They're built by love. Barriers are a result of pride.

In Proverbs 13 verse 10, it says, By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom. Don't let pride get in the way.

Strife is a major barrier in the family. So if you want to not set up barriers, and if you want to break down existing ones, get rid of pride. Replace it with humility.

And anger is another barrier. Of course, anger is a barrier. In Proverbs 30 verse 33, it says, For as churning cream produces butter, and as twisting the nose produces blood, so stirring up anger produces strife. There will be strife in the family if there's anger in the family. In Proverbs 29 verse 22, it says, An angry man stirs up strife. A furious man abounds in transgression. Proverbs 15, 18 says, A wrathful man stirs up strife, but he that is slow to anger appeases strife. If you're slow to anger, then strife will dissipate. So we need to be controlled and disciplined ourselves. And gossip is another barrier. In Proverbs 16, 28, A throwward man sows strife, and a whisperer separates chief friends. Now, we don't generally think about gossiping about our children, but do we talk negatively about our children sometimes in front of others?

I've heard parents do that way too many times. I've seen parents do that in front of their children, in front of me, and that sets up a barrier. You have to be careful that you don't do that.

A whisperer separates chief friends. Be careful what you say about your children. This is Proverbs 17, 9, He that covers a transgression seeks love.

If a child has done something wrong, don't tell everyone.

Protect them. They're sensitive.

He that covers a transgression seeks love, but he that repeats a matter separates very friends.

You should be a friend to your child, so you need to be careful that you always treat them as friends, and you cover a transgression with love.

There was a Newsweek special issue entitled, Raising a Moral Child. This was back in the fall and winter of 2000. Raising a Moral Child. It says 81 percent of mothers and 78 percent of fathers say they plan eventually to send their young child to Sunday school or some other kind of religious training. This is what people say they have good intentions. For many parents, raising a child who is empathetic, who knows right from wrong, and attempts to follow the golden rule the golden rule of course is do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

It's more important than that child becoming wealthy or president.

Parents have always made instilling moral values a priority. That's what they say.

Most parents will admit that's the way it should be, but how many follow through?

The article goes on to say, but in today's fast-paced world, where reliable role models are few, and acts of violent children are increasingly common, the quest to raise a moral child has taken on new urgency. I hope you are urgent in rearing your children properly.

I hope that you will take this sermon to heart and that you will get more involved with your children.

I'm sure many of you are doing a splendid job. I know you are. I've seen many of you and how you interact with your children. However, can't we all do a bit better? We need to ask ourselves if we can. And if we're falling short, now is the time to change. Now is the time to make a difference in your child's life. So, brethren, the blessing of Little Children's ceremony is a very moving, it's a very meaningful one. What we do as parents and members of God's Church to bless our children is also very meaningful. Again, parents and all members of God's Church have a role to play with the children in our midst, all of the children in this room.

Let's be sure that we're pouring out upon our children the seven blessings that we talked about in today's sermon. Let me just, in summary, go through them quickly to make sure you have them. Number one, our children need to see and experience a Godly example at all times and in all ways.

I know that's a tall order, but that's your calling and that you need to do for your children.

Number two, our children need to have consistent standards, consistent guidelines, and consistent expectations. Number three, our children need love. They need acceptance. They need patience.

They need forgiveness. Number four, our children need continual encouragement.

Number five, our children need proper correction and discipline in Godly love, in proper Godly balance. Number six, our children need quality and quantity time with their parents.

And number seven, our children need bridges. They need all of us to be building bridges for them, not putting bears in front of them. So these are seven blessings that children need most. I believe that Jesus Christ, who blessed the children, wants you to bless the children.

He wants you to be actively involved. So let's practice these seven blessings that children need most.

Hope all of you have a fine week, and we'll see you soon.