Effective Fathering

We're here on Father's Day weekend in the United States. I guess it's a notable day, a holiday that's there, and it is a time for us to recognize the role of Father and recognize what fathers do in life and what fathers do is quite notable. Back in the book of Malachi, fathers are notably mentioned in the book of Malachi. The book itself was written back in 400 B.C. is what the scholars say. It, in fact, is a warning message to Israel about a number of the things that Israel has fallen away from and that they don't do anymore. It's also prophetic in a way, so let's look at the very last chapter of Malachi. Because there's a verse in there that we should all take note of, as we're here today, as we're talking about our children, we recognize the value and the importance of fathers and mothers in bringing up those children. They don't come. They don't just grow on their own and learn Bible memory work and all those things. It takes the act of participation of both parents to mold and develop a young person who is pleasing to God and who is pleasing to the people around him and a blessing to all that come around him. But let's just read through chapter 4, and I want to pay particular attention to verse 6, but I'll read the whole chapter.

Remember the law of Moses, my servant, which I commanded him in Horeb for all Israel, with the statutes and judgments. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord, and he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and strike the earth with a curse.

The last verse of Malachi, the last verse in the Old Testament, the way it's ordered in the Bible you have, and other people would say the inspired orders, chronicles, is at the end. But it's notable that the last verse of this prophecy is about fathers and children. I will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse.

That should tell us how important the relationship between fathers and children is, shouldn't it? He doesn't cite mothers and children there. He says specifically, fathers and children. And if this doesn't happen, I will smite the earth with a curse. Because the relationship between father and children is a very important one in the Bible. One that all of us who are fathers, all of us who ever want to be fathers, and a woman who has a husband and wants to have children, and a father to raise those children, and a young lady who looks forward to being married and wants to have a father who can reel those children well and set her family straight, we need to understand what does it mean to be a father.

What is God looking at? Why did He put that verse in the Bible and specifically say, unless I do this, unless the hearts of the fathers are turned to the children, and the hearts of the children are turned to the fathers, I'll come and smite the earth with a curse. Because, well, some of the commentaries will tell you, well, that's more of a spiritual type thing.

It's talking about turning the hearts of people back to God. And indeed, that is part of the verse. But there's also a physical aspect of that verse as well. We've talked about God being a God of relationships. He is very interested in how we relate to one another. He's very interested in families. He's very interested in how families get along. There's what He's looking at in us is, do we do what He does?

Do we use His Holy Spirit? Do we use the relationship tools that He gives us to foster those elements in our lives? Because when we do, happiness and joy result. For those of you who are listening right now to say, oh, my kids are grown and whatever. You know, there's a part of the Bible in Back in Titus where it says, older men teach the younger men how to do these things.

And so you may see things and you may come across things where you realize the younger men who may be overlooking something as a father, you can help them by reminding that. Wives, you can help your husbands. Older women teach younger women how to love their husbands and to be good mothers. We all work together because we all want each other to be in the kingdom and we all want what God wants us to do. We talked about children being a blessing to God and, you know, it's one of the things we all have to remember.

The world around us, you know, would say sometimes, oh, let's limit the number of children. You know, and they take too much time. We don't want to deal with it. That's not at all what God looked at. God wanted people to have children. When He created male and female, He said, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.

And in the children that we do and the children that we raise, we learn a lot about ourselves. We learn a lot about God's way of life. And He's looking for Godly offspring. And that's you and me who have the opportunity to bring them up in the way that God wants us to. Let's go back to Ephesians 6. Ephesians 6 and verse 4.

In a section of Scripture here, we're talking about husbands and wives and how they relate to each other. In verse 1 of chapter 6, He talks about children obeying their parents, but He specifically addresses fathers in verse 4 of Ephesians 6. Ephesians 6 verse 4, and you fathers, doesn't mention mothers here, and you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Provoke, you know, don't irritate them, don't rub them the wrong way, don't make them angry without cause, I guess if we could say. And you fathers, you bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. You set the standard into home. You make sure that what is being taught in that home is exactly what God wants done. And you know, one thing about fathers and mothers, when fathers are doing their job, mothers willingly follow. If they both believe in God, they will willingly follow. And they want to follow someone who is spiritually strong, spiritually in tune with God, spiritually doing the things that God said. And the recipe for a home and a happy marriage and a happy family is, fathers set the tone and fathers are doing what God says. They bring their children up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Back in Psalm 78, you see the same thing as God is teaching Israel and reminding them that they have to be reminded about who God is. And they can't just go about all our daily lives and go to work and go to school and not have God ever enter our minds except on the Sabbath day, but that He is always with us and we are always there looking to follow Him and watching the way we act, react, the words we say, and measuring them along with the Bible. Let's just read the first paroo verses here of Psalm 78. Psalm 78 verse 1, contemplation of Asaph says, Give here, my people, to my law. Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable. I will utter dark sayings of old, which we have heard and known, and our fathers have told us. They passed these things on. We know who God is. We know what went on. We will not hide them from their children, telling to the generation to come the praises of the eternal and His strength and His wonderful works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children. Fathers, make them known to your children, that the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare them to their children, that they may set their hope in God and not forget His works, but keep His commandments and may not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation that did not set its heart alight and whose spirit was not faithful to God. God wants our hearts to be with Him. He wants the hearts of the children to be with the children. You know, the way He worded that verse is very interesting because the hearts of the children cannot be turned to the fathers until the hearts of the fathers are turned to the children. It can't happen. God is a model Father for all of us. He turned His heart to us first. And because of what He's done for us, because of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, because of His involvement in our life, what He provides, we turn our hearts to Him. And, fathers, if you want the hearts of your children to always be with you, you turn your hearts to them. Fathers have to take the first step.

Fathers have to be the ones who are leading the family. Fathers have to follow God. If they want a happy family, they need to follow God implicitly. You can read the Bible from beginning to end, and the role of the Father is very important. Today I'm going to talk about effective fathering.

But I'm going to open here with a few comments because I like when we're doing these things to see what some of the so-called experts out in the world have to say about it. We can read the Bible. We know that God ordered father, mother, the family, that He set these things up. But it's also interesting to see that people who are in tune with what is going on, and even many of the problems of society that we'll talk about today, they can relate back to fathers. Let me read to you a rather lengthy quote here from a psychologist, family relationship, a man by the name of Gary Smalley. Many of you have heard of Gary Smalley. He's written a number of books. He's had a number of TV shows. He is, I would say, an expert in marriage and family relationships. Here's what he says about the role of father in the family. He says, The father's relationship with his children is the most important relationship in life.

It is no exaggeration to say that everything else hinges on this relationship, not only the welfare of the children themselves, but the general well-being of the family, the health of the church, the welfare of civil society, the strength of the economy, the moral climate of the civilization.

Everything depends upon what is happening between fathers and their children in their homes. Such is the central place of the family in God's plan, and such is the pivotal role of fathers in that foundational institution. No doubt where he stands, is it? If he reads Malachi 4.6, he would say, Oh, turning the hearts of the fathers to the children. That's something that isn't so much there. And you look in the society today, and we've got a world that's enmeshed. God wants the hearts of the fathers to be with their children. He goes on to say, The home is the original society in which each person is placed by God at birth. It is, for better or worse, the place where people are shaped, their intellect, their values, their character, and their aspirations. All that a person later becomes depends upon the factors that forged him in his youth. And the home is the primary shaper of young human beings. Over the family stand the parents, and of the parents it is the father who has the calling, the temperament, and the position to be the primary molder of the family. He may abdicate his role or do a poor job, but that, too, shapes the family. There is no escaping his influence, for better or worse. The central role of fathers in the foundational institution of the family is simply an inescapable fact of life. And the Bible would support that 100%. Fathers are very important. They are crucial in the way a family is run. They are crucial in the development of children. They are crucial to the future of the church, the future of society, and certainly the well-being of the young people. Now, I was putting this sermon together, and I was going through the Bible as looking at Deuteronomy 6, and looking at Ephesians 6, and reading some other chapters of the Bible. I was putting together some points to talk about. And then when I finished that using the Bible as the source, I usually go back and try to find some quotes, like Gary Smalley's, from the Bible. And I did that, and I came across an unlikely source that I saw a quote in, and I thought, well, that's the prettiest to quote that that person made. And I went back and looked it up, and it was a surprise to me where that quote came from.

It seems that back in 2006, or I guess it was before 2006, because the study was released in 2006, President Bush commissioned a team, or two specific people in particular, to go out and study the effect, or what the role of fathers in society would be. Now, he was looking at a troubled nation where there were a lot of children that were being mistreated, a lot of people in the welfare society, and looking at what is the cause of all of this? What do we need to do, and what do fathers need to learn that we can siren some of the societal things around? He commissioned the study, and two people came up with a study, and it was called, The Importance of Fathers and the Healthy Development of Children. It was Jeffrey Rosenberg and Bradford Wilcox who led the team, but they were assisted by a number of other people. And they put together a 100-plus page document. The purpose of it was to go out and change, to teach the people in the Division of Children's Services, Family Services, to teach welfare people how to have fathers develop and educate them, and that they have to be part of that family. The only way to stem the tide of what's going on in society is to have the family back in place. President Bush commissioned 150 million dollars for each year from 2006, that went up to 2010, and I think the funding stopped at that time, to have this education out there of good use of money, had it had any effect at all. Apparently, it didn't do anything. Now, the interesting thing about the study is, as I read through it, and I learned one section in particular called, Effective Farthering, and that's the title of the sermon, Effective Farthering. And as I read through it, they had seven points. I had seven, six of the seven matched. But not one time did they mention God, not one time did they mention the Bible, and I would have been shocked had they. But I had, as I read through it, I thought, every single one of these points comes from the Bible, except one, and it comes from the Bible as well. I just hadn't thought about that. So, I want to go through these seven points today, and I want to talk and show you the biblical basis of it as well, and for everyone in this audience, not just fathers or wannabe fathers, but everyone, if we take these into account, and if we look at how God works as our Father, because there's a reason Jesus said, pray to Father, and He called Him God the Father.

He is the perfect role model as Father for us. Now, they don't mention God the Father. I did, but I will just say that up front, that as I talk about this, everything we'll talk about, God teaches us in the very same way. And as we look at ourselves as Father, as we look around ourselves as fathers, we would do well to model ourselves in the way that God would have us do. The very first point I thought that they put was very surprising to me. Point number one on their list, the most important thing a father can do to have a healthy and happy family is, it says, Father must have and foster a good relationship with the child's mother. Isn't that surprising?

If you're going to have a good relationship with your child, you must have a good relationship with their mother. There must be respect in the home. There must be that element that there, and if that's missing, everything else falls apart, they say. Let me read one of the quotes that they said. They said, one of the best things a father can do for his children is to respect their mother. A father and mother who respect each other and let their children know it provide a secure environment for them. Let's go back to Ephesians 5. You know, back in Genesis, when God instituted marriage, he said, a man shall leave his parents and marry his wife, and she shall cleave to her, and they shall become one flesh. The wedding ceremony, when we take a vow before God, husbands and wives vow before God that they will love and cherish and honor each other. Husbands also say that they will provide for their wives. Wives make the same thing and say they will submit to their husbands. But we promise that we will do that, that we will have that relationship, and that we will live in that way. Ephesians 5 and verse 25 says this, husbands love your wives. Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.

Hold her in high esteem. Make sure your children know you hold her in high esteem. She is the wife of your youth. She is the one who you committed to love for the rest of your life and to take care of. Let the children know that it provides a tremendously strong foundation for them. And even if you're not together, if there is a divorce involved, respect that person and don't do what so many people in the world do is spend all their time trying to talk down the other parents and make themselves look better. In the study, they saw that happen over and over again, where father would do nothing but down mother or was just absent, totally. And mother would spend all her time talking about father, and that just couldn't work. It never resulted in a good situation with the children. So in verse 33 then it says, nevertheless, let each one of you in particular, Paul repeats it, so love his own wife, ask himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Now here's what they say. If every father respected his wife, held her in high esteem, even if they weren't married, if the child knew that the father respected the mother, here's what the result. The study says. Now this is something we could read from the Bible. I could say it, and you say it's absolutely true. This is what they say. A mother who feels affirmed by her children's father and who enjoys the benefits of a happy relationship is more likely to be a better mother. Indeed, the quality of the relationship affects the parenting behavior of both parents. They are more responsive, affectionate, and confident with their infants. They're more self-controlled in dealing with defiant toddlers, and they are better confidence for teenagers seeking advice and emotional support. When a father is doing his job and following the principles in the Bible of being an effective father, the family runs in order. Mother is empowered. Mother feels confident in what she's doing. Mother is secure in the relationship, and when she's at home with the children, the things happen just the way that they should.

Point number one. Fathers have a very good and respectful relationship with your wife.

Now, God talks about that relationship as well. We were back in Malachi. Let's go back to Malachi.

In this book, where he is admonishing Israel and pointing toward the coming of Elijah, John the Baptist, and at the time of the end, he makes note of several things in Malachi that the church's people need to pay attention to. One of them is this marriage relationship.

Back in Malachi, verse 2, in verse 13, he says this, This is the second thing you do, my people. This is the second thing you do, Israel. This is the second thing you do. You cover the altar of the Eternal with tears, with weeping and crying, so he doesn't regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. He isn't paying attention to what you do and what you bring because you're not doing something in your life that he expects us to be due. And you say, for what reason? Because the Eternal has been witnessed between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. Now, aren't those stirring words that God said? I'm not even listening to what you want anymore because you've dealt treacherously with your wife. You haven't handled the relationship the way you said you would. You didn't heal that. You weren't the person that you were supposed to be leading that family, leading that marriage, staying in step with me and following the principles that he said and set for marriage. You have dealt treacherously with your wife. But didn't he make them one? In verse 15, having a remnant of the Spirit. And why one? He seeks godly offspring. He wants the children born into that marriage to learn the ways of God, to understand that happiness and joy and peace and fulfillment and everything good comes from obeying and following God. That's what he intended. And children who live in that environment will embrace God and they will follow Him. They may wander for a while and they'll see the world doesn't have the answers that they may think it does. Only God has the answers to a happy life and a fulfilled life. And young people, as you seek mates, young women as you seek mates, look for that quality in them. Do they love God? Do they follow God? Do you see them down the road sticking with God? Or are they there just for just because for some other reason that they're there? Therefore, he says, take heed to your Spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. The stern warning from God that goes right along with what Mr. Rosenberg and Mr. Wilcox said that was put out to all of the welfare and to all the child development, child welfare services in America. Okay, that was point number one.

Point number two. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your children.

Now, in an age where work often takes precedent and everything, even when hours of jobs can be long, you can always spend time and find the time to spend with your children. Here's what they say. They say children who have an involved father are more likely to be emotionally secure, be confident to explore their surroundings, and as they grow older, have better social connections with peers. These children also are less likely to get in trouble at home, school, or in the neighborhood.

Another quote from Dr. Ken Canfield from the National Center for Fathering said this, kids spell love T-I-M-E. T-I-M-E. Doesn't mean you have to be there from 5 to 11 every single night, but when you are there, that you spend some time and you schedule some time to be with your kids.

It's so easy to get caught up in everything else, to watch TV, to watch sports on TV, to get involved in other things. Schedule some time to be with your kids. That's what they're looking for, and that's necessary in life. And the Bible talks to that as well. Deuteronomy 6. In Deuteronomy 6 and verse 6, we often turn to this when we're talking about children and their education and what fathers and mothers need to be doing. But look at the time that is involved in these verses as well. Deuteronomy 6 and verse 6, as God is commanding or Moses is commanding, as God gives him the words that says, These words which I, God, command you today shall be in your heart.

You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house.

That's spending time with them when you're sitting in the house. When you walk by the way, that's spending time with them when you walk by the way. When you lie down before bedtime, and when you rise up. Talk about it. Be there. Instruct them. Guide them. Make sure that some part of your day is involved with them. Bring God into it. Bring God into it. Show them how God is involved in our daily lives. Show them and teach them how we ask God to be involved in our lives, to guide us and to direct us. When we see those things and we pray for those things, we realize God is there every step of the way. He provides what we need, and doors open up in ways that we can't imagine. When we look back over our weeks, we can see things that happened that may have irritated us at first, but then we realize the wisdom that God had.

It's good to be able to relate those things to our family. That they see the involvement of God.

Fathers spend time. No matter how many hours a week you work, and it is a good father who works and provides well for his family, there is always time for your children. You have to sometimes schedule that time and make sure it happens. Don't have to be just the time where you're teaching. I made that mistake in some of the times where all I was ever doing at home was preaching, it seemed like. Especially as the older two got to be teenagers, it was like, don't do this, don't do that, you shouldn't have done that. I think it was probably Debbie who made me realize you never really say a positive thing to those kids. You just are always on their back about something. I realized that you have to have fun with your kids, too. They have to see you as someone that they can engage with and not always just be a critic. Take the time with them and have some fun with them as the experts here who looked at some of the problems in society and where the problem families were or fathers who may even were in the home but just never took the time with their kids. One study showed that in the average American home, it was eight minutes a week, eight minutes a week the fathers were spending with their children with one-on-one time.

That's pretty sad, isn't it? Eight minutes a week. That doesn't mean they were only the home eight minutes a week. Only eight minutes a week and one-on-one time engaging them. Spend some time and make sure that they do that. One of the things we can look at is God in that respect. He is our father and He always has time for us. No matter what time we pray, He listens and He's there. No matter what time we engage Him, He's available. He never says, not now. He usually also says, not now. He's always there. He's always available. His Holy Spirit is always working with us. And we, He is always there for us. So God the Father gives us His time and is willing to sacrifice His own desires, His own whatever, just as Father should be. Maybe we need to give up a little bit of our hobby time or a little bit of our TV time to spend some time with our kids. But if we're going to have the family that I hope all of us want, a family that is well settled with kids who develop well and who appreciate life and who are on the track to life, we have a good relationship with our mothers when we spend time with them as well. Point three. Point three is nurture. Nurture the child. Now, nurturing the child is different than educating the child.

Schools educate children. Parents educate children. The parents are all supposed to nurture the child. And they were specifically talking about the Father nurturing the child. Now, you'll remember, maybe it was a year ago, maybe a little longer than that, we talked about the Greek word podiah. P-A-D-E-I-A. And there's a verse in the Bible that says, God will nurture His people for three and a half years. Remember, we talked about the training program and how in the Greek society the people would promise were put in a special training program and they were nurtured. They were educated in the ways of the world. They learned all the mathematics and the science and everything they needed to know. But they were also nurtured in how to deal with the world. It's not the type of thing that you learn in school, how to deal with the outside world and how to deal with the situations that come up. You might learn the math and the facts of history and things like that, but it's the family that has to nurture the child. When we look at the definition of nurture, it is teaching them how to deal with the situations in life. How do they deal with that?

How do they, as girls, become older? How do they date guys? When guys get older and teenagers and they want to date someone, what is the proper role of dating in their lives? They're not going to find that in the world today. I'm telling you they're going to find something totally different. If you let the world nurture them, they're going to turn out far different than you ever expected them to be and ever wanted them to be. We have to be the ones nurturing them and teaching them those things. We have to teach them how to react when they are replying themselves in situations. One of the things that you hear on the news about now is bullying. How people are bullied and how teens react to that. Some, sadly, take their own lives because they don't know how to react to those situations. Parents and fathers need to understand what those things are going on and help their kids know how to deal with those things and how to react to them and not let them overcome them.

How about dealing with frustration? We all deal with frustration, right? I mean, I still get my, I still lose my temper when I get frustrated and things seem a little, going a little more slowly than I think or whatever. How do our kids react? We can teach them how to deal with frustrations because we know, we know, and even the four and five and six years old, what the temper tantrums are and what the things are like when they happen. We can teach them how to deal with those feelings in life. We can teach them how to work hard, as in Ecclesiastes 9-10, whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might. We can teach them that it's not okay, it's not okay to get the homework done 90% of the time. The goal is 100% of the time. It's not okay to do the job semi-okay. If you're going to do it, do it right. Do it the correct way. Do it to the best of your ability. That's the stuff that's nurtured. That's the type of things that we can, that's the type of things that we can talk about. We can teach them how to deal with the moral differences in society and how to deal with a society that is saying that the Bible says is absolutely wrong, society says is absolutely right. I'm not going to learn that in school. I'm going to learn the exact opposite. If we let the schools nurture our children, they're going to turn out to be far different people in anything but the godly offspring that God is looking for. So point three they say, and point three the Bible would say, is nurture your children. Proverbs 22, Proverbs 22 and verse 6.

When the hallmark verses of child-rearing, train up a child in the way he should go.

That's the whole nine yards. That's just not Bible knowledge. That's how to live.

That's applying the Word of God into your life. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. Even when he is old, he will not depart from it. He may wander for a while, but he will remember. When I was home and the way we did things, things were smooth, things were happy, we knew how to resolve issues, and the family was together.

One of the verses I wrote down in this regard in nurturing the children is the importance of praise.

You know we can, especially, I think, as children get older, like I said, become overly critical. But you know, when God the Father was looking at Jesus Christ, back in Matthew 17 of the Transfiguration, when the disciples were there, God said, This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.

This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased. And you know the importance of praise and making sure our children know that we value them, that they are a heritage and a blessing from Him, is so important. Make sure that they know their value in your eyes, and take the time to say you are well pleased with them, and show them that by your actions, by your actions as well.

Okay, point number four. Point number four. Discipline appropriately.

Now, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on discipline, but I'm going to go through some verses here. I studied and used any verses, but let's go back to the Bible, because what they talked about was time-outs and stuff like that, and that you can't let a child get away with things. They have to be disciplined and understand what it is, and of course, they were dealing with people who would abuse the disciplinary approach, so they stayed away from that. But let's look at a few verses here in the Bible about discipline. Proverbs 13, verse 24.

He who spares the rod hates his son. Now, that's the opposite of what the world would tell you today, isn't it? When they see someone spanking the child, they think the parent is out of control and the parent has no use for the child. But the Bible says he who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly. The purpose of discipline is not to act out your anger or your frustration, but to guide them in the right way. And sometimes, like God, has to get our attention by disciplining us, by a trial we go through or losing something that's important to us. And when we feel that hurt and we recognize, you know, I stepped out of line over here, I disregarded God's command in this area or that area, and that's why I'm doing this because I wasn't doing this God's way. And when we heal that and the trial and the hurt disappears, so the child realizes that too. The pain makes him realize that isn't the way to go. That's not the way to walk. Nothing wrong with it. Don't do it out of frustration. Don't do it out of anger. Don't do it to hurt the child physically, but to get their attention so that it does have some pain, but nothing that would permanently affix to them or anything like that. No bruises or anything like that. But do use it. The Bible says, use it. God uses it with us. Back in Hebrews, Hebrews 12, the way he handles us is exactly the way he expects fathers to work with their children in this regard. Back in Hebrews 12, he's quoting from Proverbs 3, I believe it is.

Back in Hebrews 12 in the New Testament, in verse 5 it says this. It says, You have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons. You've forgotten it. My son don't despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him, for whom he loves, he faces, and scourges every son whom he receives.

Who he loves, he works with. Why? He wants them to be in his kingdom. His will is that everyone will come to repentance. Everyone will come to eternal life and receive eternal life. What you want for your children is that they will adhere to that same principle, that same goal, that they will grow up to be productive people in society, law-abiding, a benefit and a blessing to the people around them. So there's nothing wrong with discipline, even though the world might say, and sometimes spanking is the way to do it, in love, with the right attention, not intending to harm the child physically and permanently anyway, but simply to get his attention so that he turns around and goes back the same, goes back to the right way just the way God would do us, and have us turn back to the correct way of doing things. So number four, discipline appropriately.

Number five. Now, this is the one that I didn't have, but I thought it was very, very good. They said, serving as a guide to the outside world. Serving as a guide to the outside world. And as I read through that, I thought, you know, that's pretty astute, the way they put it. They were talking about the world that we live in and how children are grown up in families. The family has values, morals, but when a child ventures outside the home, they run into people who have a whole different set of ideas. At home, they may be known to respect the rules of the house, to speak with respect to their parents, to speak with respect to their elders, but then they can get into a school situation where their friends are doing just the opposite. That they disregard homework assignments. They treat the teachers if they're anyone common and they have no problem speaking back to them. Where the school rules mean nothing to them, they just do whatever they want because everyone else around them is doing that. And it can cause some problems. Probably many of us have run into those things when our children have ventured into the outside world and bring values home or ideas home that were never taught into home. And we have to deal with them. And they say, fathers, you be aware of what's out there in the world and you teach your children how to deal with those things. Don't wait until they've tried drugs to talk about it. Be proactive and talk about a culture that's out there and why people take those drugs and make sure that they have what they need, that they don't feel the need to escape from reality by taking substance. Talk about premarital sex. And even though the world would say there's nothing wrong with it, the Bible says there's everything wrong with it. If you want a happy marriage, that's not the way to ever have it. You save yourself for marriage because God ordained sex for one man and one woman who are married and to be married for life in the ideal situation. Talk to them ahead of time.

Find out what they're thinking. Make sure that they know what's going on in there. Talk about peer pressure and how when they get to school, there are going to be people who are pressuring them to do this, pressuring them to do that, making them feel old-fashioned, making them feel out of place, making them feel if they want to study and get good grades, that they're kind of the weirdos of class. Not at all the case because the Bible says, as I mentioned already, Ecclesiastes 9-10, whatever your hand finds to do in your science class, in your math class, in your English class, in your history class, regardless of whether you like that class or not, do your best.

Follow the rules. Do what the teachers ask you to do as long as it doesn't conflict with the ways of God. Do your best in everything you do, and fathers, help them to do that. Prepare them. Prepare them for the outside world. And as they get older, give them some leeway. Give them some leeway to make decisions and choices on their own.

If you monitor every move they make until the day they go to college or move out of home, there's going to be some problems. You've got to let them make some decisions on their own, so that you can see, are they making the right choice or are they making the wrong choice, and then help them to make the right choice, if the wrong choice was made.

Now, we never let them walk into a situation where they would harm themselves, but teaching them how to deal with the outside world is certainly something the Bible says as well.

Let's look back at Proverbs 7. You know, Solomon, and I would say to every father and mother, you might go back and look at the first several chapters here of Proverbs, because there's so much good instruction in Proverbs and how to handle your family and how what to teach your children.

Solomon does a masterful job under inspiration from God making these notes, but in Proverbs, you can mark down Proverbs 4 as well. I'm not going to turn to Proverbs 4, but Proverbs 4, 10 to 17 has some good instruction as well. But let's look at Proverbs 7 and see how Solomon and God, as He included this in the Bible, would teach us how to prepare our child for the outside world. Proverbs 7 and verse 6. At the window of my house, Solomon writes, I looked through my lattice, and I saw among the simple, I perceived among the youth a young man devoid of understanding, passing along the street near her corner, and he took the path to her house in the twilight, in the evening in the black and dark night. I saw this situation, and my son, I want to teach you what to do here in this situation if it confronts you. And there a woman met him with the attire of a harlot and a crafty heart. She was loud and rebellious. Her feet would not stay at home. At times she was outside, at times in the open square, lurking at every corner. So she caught him and kissed him with an impudent face. Excuse me, she said to him, I have peace offerings with me. Today I have paid my vows, so I came out to meet you, diligently to seek your face, and I found you. I've spread my bed with travesty, colored coverings of Egyptian linen. I've perfumed my bed with myrrh, aloes, and cinnamon. Come, let us take our fill of love until morning. Let us delight ourselves with love. Quite an appealing pitch she's making to a young man here. My husband's not at home. He's gone on a long journey. He's taken a bag of money with him, and we'll come home on the appointed day. We don't have to worry about him. No one will know the difference. Who's going to know? With her enticing speech, she caused him to yield. With her flattering lips, she seduced him. Immediately he went after her as an ox ghost of the slaughter, or as a fool to the correction of the socks, till an arrow struck his liver. As a bird hastens to the snare, he didn't know it would cost his life. And some would say, my son, don't go down that same path. It may happen to you. Be aware. Watch out for what's out there. Be aware that this could happen, and is likely to happen. But don't go down that path. Verse 24, Thou therefore listen to me, my children. Pay attention to the words of my mouth. Don't let your heart turn aside to her ways. Don't stray into her past. For he has cast down many wounded, and all who were slain by her were strong men. People who thought they had it all together. People who thought they had a future, but they yielded it all because they didn't listen, and they weren't aware, and they went down that path.

Teach them about the outside world, and teach them how to deal with it, God said.

Over in 2 Corinthians. 2 Corinthians 6. Verse 14.

Talking about dealing with the outside world. Now through the Old Testament, we read a lot about dealing with the outside world, right? God says, Don't intermarry with the Gentiles, because they'll lead your children astray. Don't worship me the way they worship their gods. Don't yield to the outside world. And here in chapter 6, 2 Corinthians 6, he says, Don't be unequally yoked, together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? What communion has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? And Belial is of Satan. Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God, which we are and which God is building, what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God. As God has said, I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among them, and be separate, says the Lord. Don't touch what is in clean, and I will receive you and be a father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters. Teach them to deal with the outside world. Don't ignore it. It's the real world we live in that every one of the young people here are going to encounter in their lifetime. It can be called part of nurturing, I think. Number six, protect and provide for your children. We all know that a father is the one who provides for his family, sometimes a great sacrifice, sometimes long hours, a long time away from home. It's doing jobs that we may not even like, but we know that our family has needs and has the things, and we do whatever it takes to provide for them as long as it's commensurate with God's law. And we teach our children the value of providing for them by doing the things even if not what we want to do.

God blesses us with jobs that we do like, and sometimes there are jobs we don't like, and there's probably parts of every job we don't like somewhere. But we do it anyway, because we have a responsibility to provide for our children. Over in Matthew 7, God speaks, provides for our children, and for our wives. If you remember the wedding ceremony I commented on earlier, it says, do you promise to love, cherish, and honor her, and provide for her when you make the vow to your wife for the rest of your life? Back in Matthew 7, back in Matthew 7, verse 9, Christ addresses this which should be natural inclination among men, right, to provide for their families. Verse 9, what man is there among you? Who, if a son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

Is there anyone who would do that? Certainly, if our son asks for something, we want to give him the best. Let me caution here, too. You know, in this society, one thing I've noticed and one mistake we've made in our lives as well, sometimes you can give too much to your children. Not every child has the right to every single gadget that is in the universe, right? Love doesn't mean we provide every single thing that they've ever asked for. When I was growing up, I didn't get everything that I wanted. And I'm glad I didn't, because I'd be a different person today. But there are times that we can equate love with, my child wants this, and so I will give it to them. Their friend has this, so I give it to them. You can give too much, and give too much can harm the child. And if you find yourself in this situation that I equate love with what I give you, think again. Because there are needs that you can provide, and there are things that you say no to, and a child needs to learn. There are some things in life you can have, but other things that aren't going to happen right now. Families' situations, families' finances come into play, and just sometimes the ability to learn, the answer is no. It's not a necessity of life. I don't have to give everything. And not one parent has ever said that everything you have belongs to your children. But what you have, you have, belongs to you, and you don't have to give it all away. You don't have to give them everything they ask for. That's as big a mistake as giving them nothing. Christ said, what man among you? What man among you will have a son who asks for bread, and you give him a stone? Well, no. And that can protect the son too, right? And some other things? If your child asks you for something, give him what he needs. Give him what he needs and don't turn away from him. Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father, who is in heaven, give good things to those who ask him? The way God deals with us, he gives us what we need. He doesn't promise that he's going to give us everything he wants.

Not every one of us is driving around in the finest car that's made. We're not living in the biggest house in our neighborhood. We don't have the highest paying jobs or all these other things. He gives us what we need. And other things he says, no, too, because we don't need it. And if he gave us everything, we would become spoiled people just like some of our children do, and they expect everything, and you get very little in return in terms of respect. So God says, you know, he is the provider of gifts over in 2nd or, I'm sorry, 1st Timothy 5.8. He sets the standard in regard to this, 1st Timothy 5, verse 8, as far as providing for our children. It says, if anyone doesn't provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. We do what it takes to provide as long as it doesn't conflict with God's laws. And the other thing to do, parents and children, is just because your friends may have something, they need to understand family's finances as well. Sometimes they're going to run into people at school who have just literally every gadget known to man, and you can spend your fortune on those things. But not every family can afford that, and that's a good lesson to learn. We simply can't afford that. You have a house over, you have a roof over your head, you have food on the table, you go to school, you have clothes, you have these things that you need, but we can't afford that. It's not a bad lesson for people to learn. We have to learn it, and our children can learn it as well. So, protect, well, provide is one thing we've talked about here. So, about protecting, too, because protecting is one thing a father does. When we look at families as fathers, who we look to as the protection of the household. If someone comes invading the house, it's the father who's going to get up in the middle of the night and see what's going on down there at the front door, at the back door. He's not going to send his wife out, I hope, and say, you go check this out. He's going to be the one to go there and do that. If his child is being threatened by anyone, it's going to be him who goes there to deal with it, if it's a major situation. But, you know, there's more ways to protect people than just physical. When God looks at us as protecting people, He's looking at other ways that we would protect them as well. Emotionally, is one way we protect our children. When we read back in Ephesians 6 and verse 4, it says, don't provoke your children to wrath. Don't be the cause of their emotional upset. Don't play with their emotions that way, that you would foster that and they would have that idea of who you are.

Protect them emotionally. You're upset, you're mad about something, don't get your children involved. You have an issue with something, don't get them involved. Go get the person involved who needs to be involved. But you protect them emotionally and you give them the strength and the ability to grow. Without all these issues that we can plant in our children that we're not protecting them from.

Remember the points earlier on, and we can build on those. Protect them spiritually.

They'll be out with friends who will have different ideas of what Jesus Christ taught.

Different ideas of how to honor Jesus Christ and God the Father. Protect them from that. They come home with ideas of what someone else in their class does or says. Go back to the Bible and show them what God says to do, because this is the guide that we use to determine that. Protect them spiritually.

Protect them, you know, I have down here written emotionally as well, protect them from our rants and our anger. And every single father makes that mistake from time to time where we blow up in the household. Oh, that should be getting better and better. And as God, His Holy Spirit, leads us and guides us. We learn to temper that anger and to channel it in the right directions and not get the children involved. Let's look at 1 Peter 3. 1 Peter 3. 1 Peter 3 and verse 7.

Peter talking to husbands. Going back to the first point. Do you want to be a good father? Have a good relationship with your wife. Husbands likewise dwell with your wives with understanding. Giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel means treating her as fine China, the fine China in life. Some point they don't think that you very much crush that you see is very much precious. Treat her that way and as being heirs together in the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. You're fine China. The things that you look at, the things that you appreciate, you treat those and you protect those well. You protect your wife and you protect your children in the same way as the most precious things that you have. One more thing we can protect our children from is from bad, bad company and bad friends. You know, I know no children, no child wants to think that their parents look at one of their friends and say they're a bad influence. But kids, parents have a sixth sense about that. I remember when our kids came home and I would meet a friend here and there and I thought, this kid is bad news. I can tell by the way he acts and the words that he says, he's got all the respect and all the outward trappings, but there's something about him that's going to cause a problem. Listen to them. 1 Corinthians 15, 33 says, bad company corrupts good habits. Well, sometimes when your parents say, I don't think this is the person you should be hanging around. Parents, you can be involved with that and know who your friends are. Not to keep them from having any friends. They should be encouraged to be social and to have friends, but also know who they're talking about. Finally, point seven, be a role model. Be a role model. In chapter 6, mark down Psalm 23. I don't have time to go through Psalm 23, but when we're talking about God protecting his fathers, protecting and providing their children and their families, look at what God said in Psalm 23, how he protects and he provides us.

We could have any of our nine people who memorized Psalm 23 come up here and recite that to us, but go back and read Psalm 23 and see how God protects us and how he provides for us as our fathers. Point seven, be a role model. Be an example to your children. Discipline yourself to live the way the life that you want them to live. And of course, 1 Peter 2, 21 should pop to mind. Jesus Christ was the perfect role model for all of us. Let me read you a quote from the study here. It says, children will look to the adults in the household for emotional sustenance, including how to respond and behave moving forward. It is at such times the familial stress that the role model provided by the father is of the utmost importance. Being a role model is not a simple or easy task. In the way the fathers treat other people, spend their time and money, handle the joys and stresses of life. They provide a template of living for their children that often proves critical in guiding the behavior of their children for better or worse. As discussed earlier, a father's treatment of the opposite sex, his ability to control his emotions, his approach to work all play a formative role in shaping his sons and daughters' approach to romantic relationships and marriage, interpersonal relationships and school and work.

If they give three points, I'm going to just mention here quickly. In being a role model, there are three things that they say. One, fathers should promote the mission of their families.

That gets back to what is the goal of your family? Who comes first? Well, the role of our family should be we follow God, right? Deuteronomy 6 and 7, actually 4 through 7. Teach a child in the way that he should go. Teach them the way of God. Teach them God's way. Number two, they say fathers should abide by the spirit and the letter of the rules that govern family life. Well, we know what the rules that govern our lives are, right? We have family rules, but those all should be in subjection to God's commands and the rules that we find. So in our lives, we have those rules in our family life. And three, fathers, and this is an important one, should acknowledge their mistakes to their children. None of us are perfect. This is one thing that God, the Father, has never had to do to us, because He is perfect. He's never had to come back and say, well, I made a mistake. The world will tell you that they made a mistake, right? The world will say these 10 commandments were too hard to keep. So Jesus Christ came to do away with them. God, the Father, never said that.

Jesus Christ never came to do away with the 10 commandments. So the world would have you say, you know what? Those commandments that were too hard, too hard to keep. God, the Father, doesn't have to apologize. He doesn't have to come back and tell us He made a mistake. He made no mistakes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. But fathers and physical fathers make mistakes.

And we teach our children something when we can go back and say, I lost my temper.

I shouldn't have done that in that way. I've done something wrong in the way that I raised you, in the way that I've done something. I should have never done that. It teaches the child a very valuable lesson. When you make a mistake, acknowledge it. And this is at the basis of our Christianity. When we learn, when we learn that we've done something wrong, we can go back and do that. Not to give the child power over us, but to teach them that when you make a mistake, you acknowledge it and you turn from that mistake and go the right way going forward. And show them by your example that from here on out, you're going to live the way that God wants you to do.

So, we've got seven points there. I know seven points are way too many to cover in the sermon, but I thought they were very good points. And as we today talked about our youth and recognized them, you know, fathers and mothers. But fathers especially play a very important role in the lives of our children. We should all be reminded of that, and we should all strive to be very good fathers and model the way we live after the way that the Bible would tell us to do those things. God is watching, you know. I don't say that as a threat, but I say that as a kind of reminder. God is looking to see how we live our lives, every aspect of it. How we worship Him, how we acknowledge Him, how we are as fathers, the way we respond emotionally and everything God is watching. And we made a commitment to Him that we would live His way of life. We made a commitment to our families that we would love them. And we made a commitment to God that we would have godly offspring when we married. So, follow those points, and if we do, if we follow God's principles, we'll have the happy families that we want. We'll have the joy in our lives that we want. The answer always comes back to doing the things the way that God said to do them.