Differentness in Marriage and the Church

Very pleasant. Good afternoon to all of you. Good to be together here with you. Mr. Thomas, thank you. Uncle Greg, thank you for the invitation to speak today. Poor Toronto people thought they'd be coming here and getting a totally different change of pace, but sometimes, well, you're surprised to hear familiar special music and familiar speakers. What a lovely hall you have here. This is a remarkably fine and conducive and wholesome location you've been blessed with. I'm told you have a three-year lease here, and the appointments here are of the making of the brethren in this congregation. What a beautiful entrance. As soon as you come up to the front door, the lovely flowers and the opening into the foyer there. Also, it's very artistic, and the various appointments here are done by yourselves. And so much usage of the hall with room after room after room, and you're here for three years. So we Canadians will be coming here more often for the next three years in South Africans. Apparently, we have some here, too, so we'll be by perhaps more often than we have been in the past because of that. When you got married, as many of us who are here today are married or are, some of us, contemplating marriage, when you have marriage, your mate and you, you and your mate, were probably thinking about the many, many, many, many similarities that the two of you had, that you were discovering.

Couples pursuing marriage are amazed more often than not at the vast number of common interests and likes and dislikes that they share. We who are pastors and elders who work with and counsel couples and have through the years have heard them say, and we ourselves probably said, there's never been a couple quite like us before. We're so well matched. We're the same in oh so many ways. We never disagree about anything. And into the light of being together, and because of the physical drive and attraction during courtship, which should, of course, be there, there's both a conscious and, in fact, an unconscious effort to minimize or to ignore, or even negate differences. And this ignoring of differences can be called, and it usually occurs, it occurred to most of us, it can be called selective blindness. And since the couple expect that an intense and automatic closeness will develop, they also expect that their differences will soon blend into total togetherness. So then why bother addressing it? Why bother focusing on it?

Which is why pre-marriage counseling is so important. Each person is, however, this is another interesting phenomenon, related phenomenon, each person is, however, expecting to retain their own characteristics while expecting the other person to take on their characteristics and give away or give up on their own distinguishing characteristics, that the other person will become a modified version of them. Well, after a few months of marriage, a couple began to lose their, what is called in some circles, temporary craziness. And it should be there. The starry-eyed effect begins to wear off. The rose-colored glasses take on a more clear view, and they discover that there are differences between them after all. They don't do everything the same. They don't like, necessarily, all the same things. They don't dislike all the same things. They don't always think the same way. They don't always react the same way. And then some children come along with even more unexpected and educational results. You know what happens? The children grow. And as they grow, they start to show some of the same unusual, sometimes bothersome or annoying characteristics. In your mate, they're bad enough. But in your offspring, they're somehow even more challenging to identify than to address. So today, rather than the under 60 minutes left, I'd like to address the subject of human differentness. Not differences. The human differentness. Not just in the marital setting, because that's what's on our consciousness. That's why most of us are here today. But in the church setting as well, in the broader setting of the church itself. Does differentness belong in the Christian realm? And if so, then how much of it?

And what kind?

Genesis chapter 2. Let's start there. By the way, this is a beautiful podium. We were admiring it. Somebody from the church make it. And it's a beautiful design and and so ornate.

Genesis chapter 2. And while you're turning there, let me ask you a question. Why do people get married?

Well, we have different reasons for why we marry. But a main motivator for getting married is the need for completion. Consciously or unconsciously, you, we, choose or chose a spouse who we thought would then make us feel complete. Because of often by ourselves, we don't necessarily feel that way. Genesis chapter 2. Let's begin reading in verse 18. And the Lord God said, it's not good that a man should be alone. And at this time, Adam was very much alone. He didn't have any siblings. He didn't have any neighbors. He didn't have any parents other than God. So he was alone in the true sense. So the creator God said, it's not good for a man to be alone. I will make him a helper, comparable to him. Scripture, King James says, a help meet for him. And it's really hard to improve on the King James language. And that still echoes in the back of our minds, even though we use modern translations.

Verse 19, Genesis chapter 2, out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and they brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. What a remarkable project was given to Adam. And you wonder how extensive was his vocabulary in order to have a range of words to use to give appellations to each of these creatures.

So Adam gave names to all the cattle, birds of the air, and every beast of the field, but to Adam. For Adam, there was not found a helper comparable to him. Adam needed a companion similar to himself, comparable to him, comparable to himself in intelligence, personality, sociability, emotion, morality, spirituality, etc., etc. Someone he could share his life with. And because no one or nothing could be discovered or found or identified for him, the Lord God, per surgery, caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam. Don't let that happen to you during church today, please.

Some of our Toronto contingent left this morning to come here today for church at 4.30. That's not the time they got up. That's the time they went out the door to make the sojourn here, and we're glad to see those of you from near and far who travel to be here today. And I think we're missing a family or two who may be still en route unless they opted to just go straight to the wedding itself.

And he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, wow, this is now bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, she shall she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh, one entity, one unit. I still, as I've said before, at times prefer and appreciate the King James Version better because it uses the term cleave to leave and then to cleave and to become one flesh.

Mr. Armstrong, some of us will remember who he was, the pastor general of what once was the radio church of God subsequently, or a large church of God, and the principal broadcaster of the World Tomorrow radio program referred to as well, then the sermonette, if I'm not mistaken, repeatedly commented about and explained that human beings are incomplete, that spiritually speaking in order to be complete we need God's Holy Spirit. We need to become baptized. And then physically we need a spouse or need a mate in order to have completion in the full sense of the Word.

But let's not forget, though, that Jesus was a single and that he was single all of his life and a fully functioning, balanced, capable, effective single. So marriage is not required, but it is a blessed option. Now, although innate differences can be a positive factor in a husband-wife relationship, it can also sometimes cause some difficulties.

Sometimes we who are spouses may be threatened by the differences in the person or from the person that we marry, and we may ask ourselves from time to time, why can't he or she be, why can't they be more like me? Remember, 1964, my fair Liggy, Professor Ignace and Colonel Pickering, why can't a woman be more like a man?

Why can't a woman be more like a man? Professor Ignace asked, men are so honest, so thoroughly square, eternally noble, historically fair. Why, when you win, will always give you back a pat? Why can't a woman be like that? Why does everyone do what others do? Can't a woman learn to use her head? Why do they everything their mothers do? Why don't they grow up well like their father instead?

Why can't a woman take after a man? Man are so pleasant, so easy to please. Whatever you're with them, you're always at ease. Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours? Colonel Pickering, of course not. Professor Ignace, would you be livid if I had a drink or two?

Pickering nonsense. Ignace, would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers? Pickering, never! Well, why can't a woman be more like you? He asks, and it continues in this way.

One man and a million may shout a bit. Now and then there's the one with a slight defect. One, perhaps, whose truthfulness you doubt a bit. But by and large, we are marvelous ex. Why can't a woman take after a man? Because men are so friendly, good-natured, and kind, a better companion you will never find. Of course, hours late for dinner, would you bellow? Pickering, of course not. If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss? Nonsense. Would you complain if I took out another fellow? Never!

Why can't a woman be more like us? He continues. Why can't a woman be more like a man? Men are so decent. So such regular chaps, ready to help you through any mishap, ready to buck you up whenever you're glum. Why can't a woman be a chum? Why can't a woman behave like a man? If I was a woman who'd been to a ball, been hailed as a princess by one and all, would I start weeping like a bath up, overflowing, or carry on? If my home were in a tree, would I run off and never tell me where I'm going? Why can't a woman be like me? He says. And so this is, of course, a musical. 1964. It's dated. Politically incorrect. I left out a paragraph or two because it's no longer appropriate to quote something even remotely like that today. Psalm 104. God, the Creator, whom we worship, who we talk to today during the opening prayer and talk to in our personal devotion this morning, no doubt, God is the author of variety, of differentness. Not regimentation. Psalm 104. It's a beautiful, beautiful depiction of this. It illustrates this particular truth in Psalm 104. We'll read a section of that. It's been said that variety is the spice of life.

And indeed it is. You look at the flowers at the front of the hall here and you come in and you see all those are lovely. What a magnificent array of different types of flowers and different colors of flowers. And someone here is a green thumb who put them all there and chose them, chose them, selected them there. Psalm 104. Let's begin reading in verse 16, please.

The trees of the Lord are full of sap, the cedars of Lebanon, which He planted. Isn't it amazing how many different kinds of trees there are? All trees are not the same. The size and the way they unfold. The different bark, if you would examine the different trees and the type of bark they have. The leaves, the size of the leaves, the color, the design of leaves. And have you ever noticed how many different kinds and shades of green there are? This much is green. There's all kinds of different wonderful, awesome shades of green. Verse 17, where the birds make their nests, all kinds of different nests. The stork has her home in the fir tree. The high hills are for the wild goats. The cliffs are refuge for rock badgers. Verse 19, He appointed the moon for seasons. The sun knows it's going down. And you watch the phases of the moon. And not too, too long ago, it was a full, magnificent, beautiful, full moon, which means the Feast of Tabernacles is just eight weeks away. It's just around the corner. And it also talks to you about the sun knows it's going down. Isn't sunset magnificent? Don't you love to watch the sunset? Have you ever had the opportunity to do so? Every sunset is painted to be one of a kind, no two alike. Verse 22, And when the sun rises, they gather together and lie down in their dens. Eight sunrises is similarly a limited edition. Verse 23, Man goes out to his work. It was labor until the evening. Oh, Lord, how manifold are your works in wisdom? You've made them all. The earth is full of your possessions. God is indeed the author of differentness and a panoply of endless variety, which evolution cannot even begin to explain. Remember this particular volume? We used to have it as standard issue in the Church of God, beginning in the Radio Church of God days.

Why we believe in creation, not evolution. This is one of the original editions. They've been, I'm sure, updating this volume, but it was part of our standard issue. As I said, page 117 for chapter 8 has this headline or heading or title, The Endless Variety in Nature, witnesses to the fact of divine creation. How much variety is there? We don't stop to notice that much, but there is remarkable variety from a God who has given it to us. Did you know the Beatles alone, not the singing group, but the insect, the Beatles alone, includes some 250,000 species of just Beatles. Have you seen the Beatles lately? Some of you are an entomologist, or you love insects. And so you'll be, we have one of our grandsons who loves insects, and he'll find them. And we were trying to kill some tent caterpillars recently, and he was howling protests not to kill them, because he wanted to save the tent caterpillar green campaign movement syndrome, starting at playing off the sermonette, if I could. Why do we need that many Beatles? 250,000 species? Insects, put down here, are so remarkable for the variety. As for their number, there are tiny wasps. Did you know less than one one-hundredth of an inch long that they exist? Never seen one lately. Too small for me to know this. There are thin insects, fat insects, meek insects, fierce aggressive insects, flat insects, cylindrical insects, insects that seldom move, and others as fleet as the wind.

This is fruit fly season. You ever try to kill a fruit fly?

They're pretty, pretty fleet of foot, fleet of wing, I guess. Do they have compound eyes?

I've never had a chance to examine them because they're so teeny tiny, and yet they fly so very well. I've never heard of any recall from the factory saying there's some kind of a flaw in the fruit fly, and we have to reassemble because it's remarkable the variety in nature and in human beings. Romans 14. Is there room for differentness in the church of God? Is there? And if so, what kind of differentness is there room for? And how far can those differentness says go? Romans 14.

We'll look at the first five verses. This is again familiar territory, perhaps a slightly different application. Verse 1, Romans 14. Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things. Some things are central, trunk of the tree things, and others are not. And we tend to too often have disputes or differences of agreement over peripheral matters, over the branches, or perhaps even the twigs. And there are individuals who love to have a difference of opinion, who love to have an argument, who you'll notice that if you ever say, okay, you're right, you're right, I agree with you, I agree with your point of view, and then they'll switch sides to your point of view so they can continue the argument. Then you think, okay, now I know what's behind this individual's emo. Verse 2, for one believes he may eat all things, but he who is weak eats only vegetables. Verse 3 says, let not him who eats despise him who does not eat, and let not him who does not eat judge him who eats, for God has received him. Now too often this is applied to clean meats versus unclean meats, but it has nothing to do with that topic. Actually, it's really talking about being or not being a vegetarian. And if we are or are not, then our position should not be to look down upon or to in any way condemn someone who is or isn't. Or perhaps you're a selective vegetarian. You just won't eat broccoli.

Is it to send not to eat broccoli?

We continue in verse 4. Who are you to judge another man's servant? To his old master he stands or falls. Indeed, he will be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand, as we heard in the sermonette earlier this afternoon. But we have to be very, very careful not to stray into someone else's territory, someone else's domain or responsibility when it comes to judging or reprimanding or correcting someone else. I remember hearing an event, an occasion, where somebody thought that because he was a man, therefore, and because scripture says that a woman should be subject to her husband, therefore, every woman should be subject to every man, even though he was not yet married, and therefore, he thought every woman should be subject to him. Of course, that doesn't work that way, and he found that out perfectly quite quickly.

Verse 5. One person this teams one day above another, and others teams every day alike, let each be fully convinced in his own mind. He observes the day, observes it to the Lord, and he who does not observe the day to the Lord, he does not observe it. He who eats to the Lord, for he gives God thanks, and he who does not eat to the Lord, he does not eat and gives God thanks.

This is not talking about holy days, or not keeping the Sabbath. It has nothing to do with holy time, but it is talking about fasting, those who fast and do not fast at a particular time on a or on a particular day. Now we read in 1 Corinthians 1 verse 10 that we should all speak the same thing. How does that square with what we just read here? Romans 14 1 through 5. Well, 1 Corinthians 1 10 is talking about doctrine. When it comes to core beliefs, when it comes to doctrine, our statement of beliefs, we should all practice, believe, embrace the same thing. This is not talking about doctrine. Is vegetarianism a doctrine of the church? Is it necessary to eat meat in order to remain a church member or in order to enter the kingdom of God? And of course, there's no. You can be a vegetarian and not eat meat and still be a member of the church of God and still go to all the potlucks and simply say, well, look, I'm not eating any meat for a while. I only eat white meat. There's a recent movement now by vegans who think that even animals shouldn't be eating meat. You may have heard that in the news recently that cats now should become vegetarians.

And this is new thinking, and most cats don't agree. Nine out of ten cats say there's nothing like a fresh mouse for lunch. And so there's a difference in point of view from the feline world.

But in the church of God, some of us can be vegetarians. Some of us can have thoughts of, well, I only eat red meat or only white meat. And we can be fine with that only eat chicken or turkey and not beef or vice versa. And we will not have a problem if we don't judge, condemn, or in any way diminish or demean one another. Same thing applies to fasting. We all believe, I'm sure, that we should fast on the Day of Atonement. Beyond that, how, when, where is up to us.

And the church gives us the latitude to do that. We should not feel superior or inferior in the way we fast. And that's something to consult with Mr. Thomas if you have any questions about that.

Matthew chapter 11. Did you grow up with cousins? Do you have cousins even now? And when you were a child, did you have a favorite cousin? What about Jesus Christ and John the Baptist?

What kind of family relationship did they have? They were both, Jesus Christ and John the Baptist were both powerful, powerful men of God. And briefly here we'll compare their approach and their lifestyle. Because although they were both powerful, powerful men of God, they were very different from one another. Matthew chapter 11 verse 16.

Who has ears to hear, let him hear. Verse 15 verse 16. But to what will I like in this generation, Jesus Christ asked. It's like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their companions. Jesus was finding a way to depict societal situations, then a way of characterizing the society that he was functioning in. To what shall I like in this generation? It's like children sitting in the marketplaces and calling to their companions and saying, verse 17, we played the flute for you and you didn't dance. So we did the opposite. We mourned to you, you didn't lament. We said, let's play a wedding. They said, nah, we're not interested. Okay, let's play a funeral. Nah, we're not interested. So what do we do? They're trying to find some kind of response. And maybe you've had that as a child or a member of summer holidays being wonderful, dreading school, but getting bored at about the halfway mark and trying to find something to do with neighborhood friends or cousins. And whatever idea I would propose, they would say, nah, I want to do that. Well, what do you want to do? I don't know. And kids get bored after a while. So Jesus is drawing on this. Verse 18 for John, came neither eating nor drinking. And they say, because he lived this way of life, neither eating nor drinking, they say he has a demon. Remember, Christ said of John the Baptist, there's none born greater of women than John the Baptist. And yet that wasn't seen by religious leaders in his day and age who thought that because of his ascetic lifestyle, he had a demon. Sometimes people do. But John the Baptist certainly wasn't one of them. As a sideline, because we have children here, I have a quiz for you. What did John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

John the Baptist and Winnie the Pooh. Some said, while their middle name.

Middle name they have in common. Winnie the Pooh, John the Baptist.

Some of us are still looking puzzled. And the other thing, because I've done this before a child came up after church and said, there's something else. I said, what is it? They both ate honey.

They both like honey. That's true. That's exactly correct.

Contrasting the approach and manner of John the Baptist, the son of man, Jesus talking about himself, came eating and drinking. And they say, he's not an ascetic. He's in fact the opposite, essentially of an ascetic. And they say, the same critics say, look, a glutton and a wine beaver and a friend of tax collectors and sinners. But wisdom is justified by her children. You look at the results. You look at the end results. Now consider how different Jesus and John were with respect to their manner of serving God. They were virtually opposites. Location, John the Baptist operating essentially in the wilderness, people coming to him, Jesus in towns. John the Baptist wearing rough clothing, Jesus Christ wearing high quality clothing. John the Baptist had a meager diet, Jesus Christ, an abundant diet. So very different in their approach and manner. And yet they were the same age. They were born six months apart. They were cousins. They actually shared the same bloodline. And not only that, they grew up in the same culture, same environment.

And they served the same God and used the same Bible. But yet they were so different. And yet God used them both very effectively, very powerfully, and they both died young. Sometimes we say, the good die young. And sometimes that does happen. Certainly that applied to them. It shows, though, there's more than one way to skin a cat. There's more than one way to pass through a church.

More than one way to run a household in our marriages and in our families.

How you feel about yourself. How I feel about myself. As we go back to upbringing, how we feel about ourselves has a significant effect or influence on us, on our minds, and our behavior. How we feel about not just ourselves, but about others. Exodus chapter 3. We ordinarily will look at this at passover time, pre-passover time. Let's review this now quickly. Exodus chapter 3 verse 9. Now therefore, behold the cry of the children of Israel has come to me. Exodus chapter 3 verse 9. And I've also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Israel at this time, being a slave nation, being oppressed by their captors. Verse 10 chapter 3. Exodus come now, therefore I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt. Moses said to God, who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and that I should bring the children of Israel out of Egypt? Who am I to do this? I'm not sure I can do this. He had a lot of self-doubt. Now remember, he was, he left home at an early age. Maybe that puts some self-doubt in him. He was given away by his parents, raised in Pharaoh's household. He was a highly successful general. Josephus tells us that he had a military career. Check it out in Josephus, that he had military victories. Then he wanted to come to the aid of his brethren. He looked this way and that way. The coast was clear, but it's never clear. He looked this way and that way. Nobody's watching. He killed the Egyptian, but somebody's always watching. And so he got into trouble, and he was, of course, running for his life. Now God says, I'll use you. Moses said, I don't know that you can. Verse 13, Moses said to God, indeed, when I come to the children of Israel, and say to them, the God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they say to me, what is his name? What shall I say to them? God said to Moses, I am who I am. And he said, thus you shall say to the children of Israel, I am has sent me to you. And those of us who remember Charlton Heston, the original movie, Cecil B. DeMille, and how this was portrayed, it still comes back in a vivid way. So no doubt, at this point, God reassures Moses, and he can get on with the task, correct? Chapter 4, verse 1, Moses Hapton said, but suppose they will not believe me. Or listen to my voice. Suppose they say, the Lord has not appeared to you. So the Lord said to him, what is that in your hand? Moses replies, a rod. God says, cast it on the ground. So we cast it on the ground. Verse 3, chapter 4, and he became a serpent. Moses fled from it.

I don't like snakes, even on the best day. Even if this is a friendly snake.

In the world tomorrow, I hope they put legs back on them.

They can walk along like centipedes, and they'd be far more palatable. Is that the right word? Far more interesting to me.

He fled from it. It was so convincing. He didn't think this was slight of hand. Then the Lord said to Moses, reach out your hand and take it by the tail. And he reached out his hand and caught it, and it became a rod in his hand.

That they may believe that the Lord God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you. So there, that should reassure you, God said to Moses. And so Moses was reassured, and he was confident in God's power that he could do the job that he was given to do. Correct? He could then go on with his task. Verse 10.

Then Moses said to the Lord, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue. So the Lord said to him, Who has made man's mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord, now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth, and I will teach you what you shall say. And Moses said, O my Lord, please send by the hand of whomever else you may send. Verse 14. Uh-oh. So the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses, and he said, He is not heir, and to leave I'd your brother. I know that he can speak well. And look, he's also coming out to meet you. When he sees you, you will be glad in his heart. So a person's opinion of others is affected by, molded by, their interpretation of themselves. If we have a very low opinion of ourselves, we think other people will and do too. If our self-concept is malformed, then there are times when all need to be pumped up a little bit. I think of Peter Sellers in the Pink Panther, in one of his disguises where he has a parrot on his shoulder, and the air keeps leaking out of him. He has to pump it back up in order for his disguise to work. Some of you say, what are you talking about? Others are saying, yes, Pink Panther, those were the days of proper movies. We all need to be pumped up from time to time, and as husbands and wives, if we have a spouse, we can see our inadequacies from time to time and pump us up a little bit, encourage us a little bit.

We all need that as brethren, even in the church, because we all have self-doubt from time to time, and we have to rely on our Creator, as we heard in today's sermonette.

Should couples be the same way in every area of life? Do we have to be? We're looking for someone as we marry who we are compatible with. How compatible do we have to be? Sometimes we have the belief that, well, out there somewhere there's that one person that I can marry. That's not true. There's a certain type of person we can marry, not just that one person. There's a certain type of person that we would be most compatible with, but there's not that only one person, but one type of person or range of individuals we could be happily married with. Acts 15. Look at this as an example. Acts 15. Beginning to read in verse 36. This is highly instructive, especially in the context we're looking at it today.

Then after some days Paul said to Barnabas, chapter 15 verse 36.

After some days Paul said to Barnabas, let us now go back and visit our brethren in every city where we have preached the word of the Lord. How we in the church of God practice, as probably most churches do, what we call visitation. And once in a while you will receive a phone call, though this doesn't happen as much as it used to at one time because ministers have so much to do, you'll receive a phone call from your pastor who says, can I come and visit with you? Or let's get together for lunch and spend some time together. And this was something we've done in the past through the years. These days, if not as frequent as we would like it to be, and sometimes someone will say, when I phone and say, can I come over? Can my associate and I come over and visit you? Someone will say, why? If you've been in the church a long time, some of us have been, it was a norm. And the reason why is it tells us in the latter part of verse 36, and see how they are doing. It's good for us to see how one another is. We meet before church, we meet after church, we fellowship, we see how each other is doing. Today we'll have an extra opportunity because of the tables that will be set up. We'll be breaking bread together, and then many of us going to the wedding to spend even more time together. There's no substitute for time being spent with one another. To see how we are doing, verse 37. Now, Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. Notice the word determined. It's a much stronger word than wished, or suggested, or proposed, or preferred, or desired.

Barnabas was determined to take with them John called Mark. Verse 38 says, but Paul insisted they should not take him with them. So Barnabas is determined, and Paul is insistent. The one who had departed from them in Pamphylia and had not gone with them to the work. And then it says in verse 39, the contention became so strong, so sharp between them. So this was not just a mild disagreement. This was what I would like to describe as the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. And then you have this impasse that they arrived at. What to do? This difference of opinion is so intense that they parted from one another. And so Barnabas took Mark, sailed the Cyprus, Paul told Silas, and departed, being commanded by the brethren, by the grace of God. And he went through Syria and Cilicia. We're told, why couldn't they work it out? They're two apostles, two deeply converted men of God, invested in the work that God had given them to do. Why couldn't they work it out? He said, tell you what, we'll take John Mark, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and we'll take Silas, Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. And then on Sabbath, we'll all be together. Think of what that will model to everyone. Didn't happen. They had a significant difference of opinion. So much so that they had two different spheres of functioning.

And it says they went through Syria and Cyprus, respectively, strengthening the churches, not dividing the churches, not creating havoc and confusion in the churches, but still strengthening and building up the churches. Husbands and wives were similarly have differences of opinion.

The apostles went two separate ways because they had equal authority. So one could not overrule the other. In a typical marriage, the husband is the head of the home. And he will say, most of the time, most couples can have a joint decision on what to do in a certain situation where a decision is required. Some of the time you can't come up with a joint decision because you have a difference of opinion. The husband's in charge, according to Scripture. The husband says, I'm in charge. Well, do it my way. Or he will say, well, do it your way. This is not what I would prefer, that this is what you believe. We're going to do it your way. And then I'll show you why it won't work. I'll show you why we should have done it my way all along. Well, that's not the way to do it. But you have to have somebody in charge in order for an entity to function. A marriage, a family, a congregation, a church. 2 Samuel chapter 6.

Some areas of differentness do need altering. There are many areas of differentness that one can learn to accept. The variety is the spice of life.

It makes life interesting. But not all areas of differentness are constructive. 2 Samuel chapter 6. Remember this example?

2 Samuel chapter 6. And we'll begin reading this. Quite a stretch here.

We'll begin reading in verse 12. Remember this. 2 Samuel chapter 6, beginning to read in verse 12. Now it was told King David, saying, The Lord has blessed the house of Obed-edim, and all that belongs to him because of the ark of God. And so David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edim to the city of David with gladness. Now remember, we're talking about a different society, a different world than what we live in today. We're in mainly a wasp, white-angle Saxon Protestant world, where we're more restrained in our emotions. Some of us come from different parts of the world, different backgrounds. We're more emotional. We're more Latin. We're more expressive. We're able to show our emotions. These are our ancestors, and emotionally, North America does not have the same temperament as they do. So we're looking, have you been to the feast in the Middle East? Have you seen how Jewish people behave, how Arab people behave? These are our antecedents. This is what David was like. This is what we're reading about here. To the city of David with gladness. And so it was when those bearing the Ark of the Lord had gone six paces, 18 feet. He sacrificed oxen and fatted sheep. I would have wanted to be a skinny sheep at that time. I'm too young. Then David danced before the Lord with all his might. Dance means world. And David was wearing a linen ephod regulation uniform for priests at that time. And David and all the House of Israel brought up the Ark of the Lord, was shouting and with joys the sound of trumpet rejoicing. Now the Ark of the Lord came into the city of David. Michael saw his daughter, David's wife, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the Lord. She said, that's my hobby. He's a good dancer.

He went to dance school. Arthur Murray, Fred Astaire.

She despised him. And not just despised him, it says she despised him in her heart.

She looked down on him with the last stab in the heart emotionally. So they brought the Ark of the Lord and set it in place in the midst of the tabernacle. Then David had erected for it. And David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the Lord.

All wholesomeness and good intent. David had finished offering burnt offerings and peace offerings. He blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts. He distributed among all the people among the whole multitude of Israel, both the women and the men, to everyone a loaf of bread, a piece of meat, a cake of raisins, and all the people, everyone departed to their houses with this loot. They've been given on a very special occasion from a generous king.

What's this like? I have a rough idea what this is like because I was single at one time.

In Monroe, Louisiana, and poplucks in those days in the deep south were wonderful.

As they will be here today, you can be sure. And then dinner tonight. How do we balance that?

Be careful how we do that. But I remember the popluck meals in Monroe, it's not Monroe, it's Monroe, were sumptuous, especially the southern fried chicken. And because I was single, the nice ladies would send home a care package. And I would have that for my subsistence meal the next day, which is a whole lot better than a hungry man dinner in the oven. And of course, the next day, the chicken tastes even better than it did the day before because it's southern fried and the flavor goes through and through and it has even more impact. So these folks celebrated, they brought all this booty food home to enjoy. David returned to bless his household. So we thought, now my household is next. I'm going to bless them. And Michael, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet David and said, how you can hear the sarcasm as you read these words. How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself. End of quote. So David said to Michael, it was before the Lord who chose me instead of your father and all his house to appoint me ruler over the people of Israel. Therefore I will play music before the Lord and I will be even more dignified than this and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maid servants of whom you have spoken by them, I will be held in honor. And therefore Michael, the daughter of Saul, had no children to the day of her death. This is reading a tragedy of what could have been, what should have been, and what actually was. What was a deal breaker here? What went wrong here? Michael could have said, well, you know, I would prefer that you didn't quite dance that way or when you danced that you wore different uniform. But she was beyond that and was condemning jealousy can destroy a marriage. Jealousy can destroy many and most human relationships. So certain situations in marriage or in the church have to change, are not tolerable. I will not go and identify any of them other than to say jealousy, something that cannot be there, envy. You know what scripture says about envy, sloppiness, laziness, etc. It has to be remedied. Ephesians 4, I'll try to speed up here a little bit as we get toward the end of the sermon and then move on to the conclusion. We as the people of God in congregations and families and marriages, we need to value each other's differentnesses and say, okay, we're different in this area, we're different in that area, and that's okay.

Differentness isn't necessarily bad. A differentness isn't necessarily a weakness. It may not even be a liability. Ephesians 4, remember John the Baptist in Jesus Christ and how different they were even when they had so many, many things in common. Ephesians 4, verses 1 and 2, I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you, implore you, plead with you, to walk worthy of the calling with which you are called. We can't live any old way. We have to live according to Christian values, Christian tenets. Verse 2, with all lowliness and gentleness, with long suffering, bearing with one another in love.

Here's how the Phillips version of the Bible puts the last phrase of verse 2. I really appreciate how he rendered this. Phillips says, instead of bearing one another with one another in love, listen to this, making allowances for one another because you love one another.

Making allowances for one another because you love one another. Sacrificial love.

There were 11 people, I'm not sure how true the story is, you can judge, for hanging on a rope. 11, count them, 11, under a helicopter. 10 men and one woman.

A rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, had to be voted off the island, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person until the woman gave a very, very touching speech, and she said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because as a woman she was used to giving up everything for her husband and for her children and for men in general, and she was used to making sacrifices time after time after time with little in return. And as soon as she finished her speech, all the men began to applaud.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25, please.

Then Samuel died. 2 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

2 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

2 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel chapter 25.

The added strength that develops this extra-hidden ingredient, synergy. Ecclesiastes chapter 4, please.

It says in chapter 4, Ecclesiastes, beginning in verse 9, 2 are better than 1, because they have a good reward for their labor.

Verse 10.

Verse 11.

Not easy to do. Not possible. Unless you have a hot water bottle, in which case that can work.

Though one may be overpowered, verse 12 tells us, by another, two can withstand it. And a three-fold cord is not easily broken.

Synergy. They've done tests, and probably you've heard about this or seen it. If you go especially to fairs, the old-fashioned county fairs. Do we have a county fair around here? Probably we do, and some of the ones will have steam engines, and some will have good old-fashioned horse pulls. We have these magnificent, gigantic work horses. Gigantic. Huge. Hoofs as big as manhole covers. Marvelous animals can be gentle, and they'll have horse pulls to see what an individual horse can pull. And find that if you put two horses together, they can pull more than twice as much as one horse.

They can pull as much as three times as much as one horse. That's the result of synergy.

A husband and a wife who work together well can accomplish so much. A congregation working together well, harnessing not only similarities, but harnessing differences.

It's called cooperative energy that flows like a current through a harmonious church, a harmonious group. A traveler in a foreign country.

Some of us are going abroad for the feast. Others of us have traveled a lot in the past. Travelers in the foreign country who fear or fight the differentness in that other country or culture don't enjoy the trip nearly as much as the traveler who blends in and accepts what is there, as long as we're not contravening God's law, of course.

One of our evangelists who used to travel a lot, I guess I can mention his name, Herman Hay, you remember Dr. Hay, was very good. He used to travel with another gentleman, whom I will not name, also by man, who Dr. Hay would occasionally stay with us in our home on church visits, as he probably stayed with some of you too. He's now deceased as his spouse. I think one of his daughters is in United, somewhere in the northeast.

When he would travel, instead of trying a beverage from far away, he said, I'd like to try something local. What does this local community produce? I'd like to try some of that. And when he would travel to a foreign country, he would say, I want to leave it in the condition in which I found it. Whereas another man who traveled with him, he said, Dr. Hay characterized him as saying he wanted to bring it up to British standards before he left.

This is not appreciated, usually. Cultures have their strengths, and we want to value them for what they are, and enjoy them and appreciate them. 1 Corinthians 12.

Verse 25.

I'll read just one verse. So, contextually, you need to read before and after if you're not too, too familiar with this section. Verse 25, 1 Corinthians 12. That there should be no schism in the body. No division in the church.

If you look up the word schism, it means division, or even means tear, like a rent, like taking a shirt or a blouse, a skirt, trousers, and ripping. Not a nice sound. That there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. We who counsel couples for marriage, as ministers, more often than not, will talk about divorce and say which couples, when they marry, are least likely to experience or to have a divorce. The answer is the couples for whom divorce is not an option. Those are the couples who are least likely to be divorced. Which churches are least likely to have a split or a division?

The churches for whom division is not an option. If a couple says, as they counsel with their pastor or with a minister or a professional marriage counselor, and say, well, we're not sure how well suited we are, but if things don't work out, we can always get a divorce.

Sooner or later, they will get a divorce. Ask any married couple who has been married for a while, and ask them apart from each other, have you ever considered getting a divorce?

And the honest one will say, well, no, but the other person who's considered divorcing me, they may say, I remember, if I can say this, the night before we were being married in Monroe, Louisiana. First church wedding there, 1970. Uh-oh, forgot which year, big trouble.

Sleep on the couch tonight. But guys say, that's okay, I don't mind sleeping on the couch. It's kind of like camping. It's an adventure. 1971, first wedding for the Monroe congregation we actually met in Ruston, Louisiana, there. And the night before the wedding, getting the jitters, thinking, getting cold feet, thinking, what if this is a mistake? What if I'm marrying the wrong person? What if she's marrying the wrong person? Have we received enough counseling? Have we received enough preparation? Many couples or individuals in couples have that, maybe both two or one or the other does, and having this fearfulness the evening before. And then the wedding day, Nights of Columbus Hall, Debar Partian. Mr. Partian actually did the service because he had family there. And then, remembering walking down the aisle away from the altar, feeling confident, feeling greatly relieved, because I knew then it was too late. It was too late because now it's for life. And there's no need to say, I wonder if this is a mistake, because it's too late. And the only option is to make it work, to make it succeed. And with that determination, every man and woman can and should succeed. In spite of our differentnesses and because of our differentnesses. And the same applies to a church. For a church to have a division, schism is like having a divorce. It's like a husband and a wife having 12 children and saying to the 12 children, mom and dad aren't going to live together anymore. We've decided to go a separate ways. We have irreconcilable differences. And so you 12 have to choose who you will go with, with mom or dad. And it's not going to be joint custody, it'll be soul custody. And you have to choose. As a child, I used to worry about my parents getting a divorce. I'm not sure what kind of a home you grew up in, but they would fight. And it would be enough for a child to worry, thinking, I hope they don't divorce. Because what will happen then? It's awful to put people in that position and to put children in that position. It's hurtful, it's destructive. We need to be unifying and not dividing. Four questions in conclusion. I want you to write these down, please. If you haven't been taking notes, you can start now or make mental note. Ask yourself these questions. Number one, in what ways are my spouse and I similar to each other? In what ways are my spouse and I similar to one another? Number two, in what ways are my spouse and I similar to one another? Number two, in what ways are we different from one another? In what ways are we different from one another? Number three, number one, in what ways are my spouse and I similar? Number two, in what ways are we different? Number three, for which of these differences have I thanked God? For which of these differences have I specifically thanked my creator God in heaven? And number four, how do my spouse's differences complement?

Not complement, complement, complete. How do my spouse's differences complement or complete or help me? We can use these questions when we have a clash with one another as spouses or with someone in the church on a work detail in our congregation or at the feast. God is a God of differentness and variety. He's the author of differentness and variety and yet he wants unity. Unity. For non-doctrinal differences, we still have to have unity. It makes life interesting. Variety is the spice of life in a marriage, in a church, and yet we still must have biblically prescribed unity.