Fathers After THE Father

I'm going to start today by [clears throat] the title of my message. I know you notetakers want a title. Fathers after the father. Fathers after the father. It's the title of my sermon today. Okay. I want to start today with the depressing stuff. But we'll get better quickly. It'll get better quickly. Okay.

But I got to you you got we got to we got to eat the vegetables if we're going to get to the if we're going to get to the cake and ice cream. Here are I'm not going to I may not read all 10, but I have a list here of 10 specific statistical findings regarding the effects of father absence on children and young adults. I know it's depressing to even think about it, but because it's real poverty risk, children living in father absent homes.

And by the way, it's not called fatherlessness anymore. It's called father absent. Okay. Apparently, fatherless could also imply, you know, a father's just no longer with us. And this is really talking about alive fathers who are absent. So, children living in father absent homes are four times more likely to live in poverty compared to children in two parent households.

That's according to the US Census Bureau. Children in father absent homes are two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers. who live with two parents. That's according to the US Department of Education. Young men who did not grow up with their biological father in the home are approximately two times as likely to have spent time in jail by the age of 30.

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes from the US Department of Health and Human Services. Teens living without a father in the home are seven times more likely to become pregnant as an adolescent. That's according to Child Development Journal. Compared to children living with married biological parents, those living with single parent and livein partner have more than 10 times the rate of physical abuse.

Obese children are two times as likely to live in a father absent home compared to non-obese children. Oh, this one kind of hurts. I don't I don't I'm torn about reading. I'm going to give it to you anyway. Uh, infant mortality rates are nearly two times higher for infants of unmarried mothers compared to married mothers.

According to the National Center of Health Statistics, [clears throat] approximately 85% of youths in state prisons were raised in fatherless homes. I'll give you one more. Students living in a father absent home are two times as likely to repeat a grade in school compared to those from father present homes. US Department of Education.

Just a glimpse into what Satan's world does to a home when the father is removed. I was remembering years ago. Seemed like every sitcom lampuned fathers. Perhaps the most famous buffoon is a cartoon character named Homer Simpson, who is an utter Yet, he's the father of two children living at home with his wife.

His wife is compassionate, smart, intelligent, the adult in the relationship, and he's an idiot. But that's not the only show. Oh, that's not the only sitcom. That's not the only entertainment that has poked fun at the role of fathers. Marginalized one of the most important roles that a man can have. I'm going to be sharing with you today the four Ps of roles that we as fathers, men have in life.

and we need to take them seriously because I read the statistics for what happens when we don't. I want to begin by simply stating the obvious. The title of the message is the title of the message because God himself is a father. He created us in his image and he created the relationship between a husband and a wife. In Genesis chapter 2 and verse 24, Genesis chapter 2 verse 24, God gives instructions to his created beings.

Therefore, verse 24, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. In a sentence, we're told everything we need to know about what a family is supposed to look like. A man leaves his parents who are together as husband and wife, mother and father.

He leaves that relationship the same as the daughter does of another mother and father. And they form a new union, a new family together. This was what God established from the very beginning. But note what God says about how he views his relationship to his creation over in 2 Corinthians chapter 6 and verse 18. 2 Corinthians chapter 6 and verse 18.

[clears throat] It says, "I will be a father to you, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty." You know, it's easy for us to look into the spirit world, if if you will, and understand Christ's words when he said, "There is no marriage in that spiritual realm." And we, I think, can dismiss the very idea that God sees sons and daughters today, not just sons.

And he doesn't call daughters sons. You are daughters to him. Just as important to him as his sons. And we are called together out of this world to form godly unions and godly families. In order for us to do that, men, we have to recognize that our first role as a husband, as a father, is progenitor. That is our first P for today.

Progenitor. Obviously, we don't use that word every day, but it's an important word. A progenitor is the one who begins a family and then helps move that family along and keeps it and preserves it. He is the progenitor of the family. Our role as fathers is we stand at the very beginning. Now there are men clearly who don't have children of their own in life.

The vast majority of us do. But even for those men, they are still progenitors in their families. If they have a family, the one responsible for taking care of the family, providing for the future of that family, leading that family, the one directing the future of that family is still the husband, the father of that family.

He might adopt a child or he might act as some have in God's church as a kind of father for children who need it. That happened for me when I was growing up. Men who took the time to reach out to a boy and connect and in some way behaved like a father creating an indelible relationship. I remember them all today.

They are deeply meaningful to me. God told us to fill this world though Genesis chapter 1 after creating man in verse 28 God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply fill the earth and subdue it. I mean, any rational assessment would have to say we've pretty much done that one.

Like, that's one command we got right as a as a species. We've been filling the earth with people. Not all healthy people. Certainly not all spiritual people, but people. Maybe a lot of broken people, but people. I think we've done that one pretty good. So we would say then that the work of the father begins when he conceives a child. You know that child comes with a contract that many men today simply refuse to accept.

I enjoyed the making of the child part. I don't enjoy having the child part. Therefore I'll let you handle that. Mom, that is a decision that's being made across this country, which is why we see statistics that I shared with you. Father absent homes. It is a big deal for us to think about what it means to be a father in the home.

And it begins at the moment that we enter into a contract when a child is conceived to be that child's father. No substitute is allowed. If I understand what my role is, I will be that father to that child because that is the contract that I entered into when that child was conceived. A father who stays in the home is that same father who gets to teach that child, who gets to listen to that child, who gets to help that child grow up.

We're imperfect at that job. But it is the job. I think many men in God's church are doing an outstanding job of that. I look across our young adult population and I see wonderful marriages, wonderful parents doing a good job raising kids in a godly way. And I think we need to say it when we see it.

Recognize it because the world is against each and every one of them. You get to my age and we're past the child rearing times. I'm past that hard stuff. My grandchildren are not my responsibility in the direct way my children were. I'm their example. I'm their cheerleader. I'm their grandparent. I'm not their parent. So, the world is against the parents.

I'm past all of that. So are many of you. But these young people are not. They're in the midst of the fight. And when we see him doing good, I think we need to say, "Well done. I know this isn't easy." Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6. Proverbs chapter 22 and verse 6 is one that I think most of us have are pretty familiar with.

Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. What do you think that means? I know a lot of us have wrestled with that scripture. We've raised kids and maybe what we want to say in our minds is if I raise them to believe in God that they'll choose that. And if they don't choose that, I've failed.

I know many of us parents have stood in the mirror and looked at that person and said that to them. You failed because your kid did not choose this way. There's something good in them. If you've done the job, but you can't choose for them. That's what we come to terms with. We can't choose for our kids what they do.

That does not mean that we failed this scripture. God can use every ounce of training and energy and all that we've done. He can use that at some point for them. It may not be in this life that they choose God. It might be in that second resurrection, but if we've done our job, they're ready for that. They'll be ready for that. It's all about God's timing then.

It's not about ours. We still have the obligation to raise godly children because God wants godly offspring. So that's what we need to do our level best even as imperfect as it is to raise godly children. This idea of train the best way I can describe it to you is if you've ever taught a child how to ride a bike without training wheels.

The training wheels do the training if you're using those. I taught my son how to ride the oldfashioned way. Get on the bike. I'll hold the seat with you and we'll go slow at first, but you pedal while I try to hold you up. And you train the child how to go. And after a while with my son, I think it was 6 hours of because that's his personality, just like on a Sunday, at the end of six hours, he rides that bike.

Some of you are probably like that. For the first two hours, it's me running by that bike, holding that seat up for him, making sure that the bike doesn't fall over because I'm trying to train him on how to do this thing. And that's the idea behind train up a child. Give the child the skills that they can use. It doesn't mean we get to choose that they will use them.

I mean, on the whole ride a bike thing, I taught myself how to ride a bike. Today, I can still ride a bike. I ride an electric bike. I don't like pedaling as much as I used to. So I really like the electric help. Okay. So the first role of a father then is the progenitor of the family. The second role of the father is the provider for the family.

He is the provider for the family. Notice something over here in Genesis. what God said to Adam. I want to make sure that we touch on a couple of points here with regard to what this thing provider means. Genesis 3:19 after Adam had made the choice to eat from the at the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil which Eve gave to him.

Verse 19 says God's in as a part of his punishment, it says in [clears throat] the sweat of your face, you shall eat bread. You're going to work. The idea here is curious, isn't it? Doesn't it sound like that's that's the punishment? So, what was it before the punishment? I don't know what it was like before the punishment, but this is what it's like after the punishment.

It's going to be hard work. And we fight. If you, for those of you who do this, I've seen it. I look out the window. I see what happens. There's weeds. There's uh, you know, some of the fruit works, some of the fruit doesn't work. You're planting, you're moving, and things, you know, you water. All the things that you do to cause your garden to work properly, especially for those of you who are remote who also have to fence the thing if you're going to have the deers out of there.

It's like, we know what it means to work. It's not as hard today, obviously. I mean, look, if I had to admit this, I'm going to say I'm thankful for factory food. I know this is like so offensive he even said that out loud. I'm just, you know, it's readily available. I can go to Fred Myers and there's food all over the place.

It's not like it was in the old days where, you know, you had to, this was what you had to do, but we still have to work. And that's, by the way, that's what I pull from this is that we have to work. Paul said it differently over in second Thessalonians. He just said it harder. 2 Thessalonians 3 and:e 10 where Paul is just blunt. He says 2 Thessalonians 3:10, "For even when we were with you, we commanded you this, if anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.

" Paul is talking to a congregation in the church and he's telling them emphatically, you will work and if you don't work, you shouldn't be able to eat. Now, we live in a society that seems to reward the opposite of that. I know many hardworking people get frustrated by that seeming contradiction that we live in.

The most prosperous nation on the earth also carries a massive burden of social programs that feed lots of people who could work but who choose not to. So this isn't talking about the person then who could choose to work does work. It's also not talking about the person who cannot choose to work. There are those in that category through injury or something else are simply incapable and so we must provide for them.

That's fine. That's normal. That's okay. We'll do that. This is talking about the person who can choose and who doesn't choose to work. This is what we're called to do to provide for our families. Now, what's the reality of that in today's society? I was looking at I [snorts] was looking at some some statistics that I heard earlier this week which I found kind of surprising.

You know what the median home price is across the United States right now? The median that's the center number in a series of numbers. So the center number is $418,000. The income associated with that to be able to pay that is is $120,000 per family at 6 and a half% interest rate. Okay? So that's the income range you need to be within to be able to afford a half a million dollar house.

You know what what they call a starter home these days? You know what the technical realtor definition of it is? It's all of the homes within the bottom third of the pricing. So all the homes within the bottom third of the pricing constitutes starter homes. You know what the average price across maybe I don't know I can't remember the number of cities.

A significant number of cities in the United States but one in particular the lowest starter home price is $1 million. Can you imagine trying to raise a family and buy a home today where you live and the and the bottom price is a million? I I can't understand it. Is it any wonder that two incomes is required today? Rents alone in the Pacific Northwest are insane.

If you rent, you know, better if you've been in a place that you've been renting for quite a while than to try to try to go out and get a new rental because those prices are just crazy. How are people supposed to afford this? Not everybody works for Microsoft. Not everybody works for Amazon, you know, for Google.

So, the rest of us are just trying to hack out a living in this life. And it's not easy. And so, yeah, some people are going to have to have both work in order to do that. And here's the thing that's interesting, too. In many homes, I won't say the majority because I don't think that's true, but in a lot of homes, the woman, the the wife actually outears the husband.

Could be education, career, direction that she went. She might own a business. That's very common today. Young lady starting a business. The problem with the world's view of that is whoever makes the most money is in charge. That's how the world sees money. Is money a part of pro provision? Absolutely. Can't get by without it.

What do you have to pay for? Lots of things. You're going to need some money for that. But does money equal authority? No. That's two people working together. So provision means ensuring the house is provided for. It may mean you and your wife are both working. You're certainly working if you can. That's the scriptural instruction to us men. We work.

We might not make as much as the wife. Honestly, I'd love that. If Becca, you know, she has her Medicare business. If she was making twice whatever I make, I'd love that. I have no pride on that. Like, it's fine. 1 Timothy 5'8. I mean, we might as well hit this with a sledgehammer if we're here. 1 Timothy 5 and verse 8, Paul tells young Timothy.

He [snorts] says, "But if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Wow, that's kind of harsh. It's not saying that unbelievers are necessarily evil people. It's not saying that. But imagine that you know what you're supposed to do and you're not doing it.

That's who Paul's or that's who Paul's talking about. You're supposed to do this. You're not doing it. This is how I think God sees you. Worse than an unbeliever who sees the same thing as you and is doing it. You're worse than him or you're worse than her because you're failing your family. So a father cannot surrender his responsibility as the provider of the home simply because he doesn't make as much.

Maybe he has to work harder. Maybe he has to work more hours. Maybe he doesn't like working at all. The responsibility is the responsibility. It doesn't come with whether you like it or not. When you accepted the contract, when you started having kids, that's what we did. We accepted a contract to provide for them. That's our job.

Proverbs 24. Another principle we can apply to this idea. Proverbs 24:es 3 and 4. It's interesting how this is phrased. It says verse three. It says, "Through wisdom a house is built and by understanding it is established. By knowledge, the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches. It's it's not it this stuff ain't going to happen unless we do something about it.

You know, I don't get to just uh go home to to an empty house and then magically it fills up with all the stuff I like. I have a responsibility to do it. That means I have to learn as it said. I have to use discernment as it said and understanding to fill the house with what I want the house to be filled with.

And understanding obviously means that Becca gets what she wants most of the time. That's fine. That's part of dwelling with them according to knowledge and she has better taste than I do in a lot of stuff. So there you go. So one of the ways a father provides is by teaching his children how to work. setting the right example.

We probably don't think of it that way, but we need to instill in that next generation that life is not going to hand them everything. They're going to have to go out and earn it same as we do. Spoiling, man, that's See, that's the the problem. Like, I would absolutely spoil my grandchildren.

Rotten 100% would do that. It's probably why God doesn't give me a lot of money because I know where it would be going and he does too. It's right on them kids. [sighs] We got to teach them how to work. I watch I watch It's interesting to watch if you look at u especially if you're looking at the the bluecollar trades. Interesting to see the kids of the fathers that are in the trades.

You can almost tell what trade a guy is in by if you look at their especially their oldest kids cuz they want to be like dad. So they tend to do a lot of what dad's doing and they tend to want to be in the middle of what dad's doing. So, it's kind of that's always been an interesting thing. But it does tell you that they're watching and they're learning from us.

Whether we like it or not, they're still watching. Even our grandkids are watching. So, being a good example is a part of providing for their future. Another way we provide is when we provide support for the mother. I wish Beck and I were talking about this because early in our marriage, I had to learn this one. I was not a good provider in the home.

I was in fact at the beginning of our marriage I was singularly bad at it being the provider income-wise but we got that resolved. Okay. It took a couple years but we got that resolved. Then it was you know I had a co-orker he when I before we got married I was working with a guy and his uh his his his model for marriage was [snorts] she takes care of everything inside the house.

I take care of everything outside the house. How's that going? Well, we were having a conversation. We actually Beck and I were married at the time. We were having a conversation because he was having problems in his marriage. [laughter] He's trying to justify that he works hard all day. When he goes home, he wants to sit on that couch and watch a ball game and drink a beer while his wife makes dinner.

And by the way, the part that I had to drag out of him was she works too outside the home, but cooking and doing the dishes is inside the homework and he takes care of everything outside the home. You know, that conversation lasted about 3 seconds with Becca and it was like, "Yeah, no, [clears throat] the partnership here.

We're going to do this stuff together." Like, okay, that's fair. If you want a happy marriage, it's fair. If you want misery as this gentleman experienced, tell your wife her duties are inside and your duties are outside. And we'll see you at divorce court. Okay. The third the third of our four Ps today is protector. We are the protector of our family.

Now, I probably don't mean this the way some people who will hear this will take this. I'm not talking about standing guard at the front door with a shotgun. That's not what I'm talking about for protection. I'm talking about practical protection of your family. Proverbs chapter 27. Proverbs chapter 27 and verse 12.

I want you to see this with me. The way that this is so plainly stated, a prudent man, Proverbs 27:12, a prudent man foresees evil. He arms himself to the teeth and he stands guard, vigilant 24 hours a day. It says he hides himself. The simple pass on and are punished. You know, we I was thinking about this is why I was thinking about this in Olympia.

You know, we've got the World Cup going on, right? I saw a uh a a guy who was from South Africa who was videoing himself in some city in the US and I think it was in the morning and he's walking around and he sees women, single women, not not that they're not married, just women alone walking around near a park that had benches that were not marked or colored or in any a, you know, ruined with graffiti, just benches, park benches.

They're carrying purses and phones openly. He is absolutely shocked by what he sees. Why? He's from South Africa. He said there is no way in this world that he would be alone in a park in South Africa at that very hour without company with him for sure and definitely nothing exposed. You're not holding a package.

You're not holding your phone out. You're not carrying a purse. None of that. You will be robbed blind. He's amazed by that. We We understand that idea, don't we? I'm not going to go downtown Portland, walk through an Antifa riot at the ICE facility. Why? Why wouldn't I do that? Because I'm not this stupid simple person that describes here.

Okay. I'm the one that goes and hides himself. Well, it's him and his family. I'm that guy. Does that mean I'm not protecting? Oh, I'm absolutely protecting. I am watching where the evil is and I'm not going there and I'm not taking my family there. That's the idea of protection. when it comes to the physical harms.

But is that the only kind of protection a man is responsible for? I would submit no. Do you have smoke detectors in your home? I hope so. Are they working? Are the batteries in? We do ours once a year because, you know, we're all the systems like I don't know how long the systems have been connected like this, but if one battery's out, the whole system is alerting you.

So, you can't just change one battery. You got to change them all. Okay, we got our smoke detectors. Do you lock your doors and windows? I hope so. That's a part of protection. Do you leave your power tools out, plugged in, ready to be used for your children or grandchildren to stumble across? I doubt it. Medications, do you just dump them on the counter? Do you leave the secure lid unsecured? No. That's protection.

What about chemicals? I want easy access for the Drano for our three-year-old, right? Who doesn't know what Drano is? It's just liquid in a kind of a pretty bottle. They don't know. Is your car being maintained? You keep the tires where there's at least some tread. You do the brakes. You oil changing it so that your wife when she's out doesn't have the car break down on her, right? With the three kids.

Like these are things we need to be thinking about. They're forms of protection for the family. What about insurance? Are we insured? It's a form of protection. Especially younger men, talking to even each and every one of you young men, you need to have life insurance. You absolutely need to have life insurance.

It's not expensive enough to not have it. What's really awful is something happens to you and you leave your wife and your children behind and they have to fend for themselves. Is that what we're going to do? I think most of the young men in God's church today understand this and are doing what they need to be doing. I just want to say the words out loud.

You ought to have life insurance. [sighs] I'm not accusing anyone of not having it. I'm just saying it's a form of protection. You have auto insurance probably. I hope so. If you get into an accident, you're absolutely going to wish you had, right? Homeowners insurance, renters's insurance. My son's house burned down to the ground four years ago.

Here's something that uh we even as adults need to realize. make sure that you're properly insured for your home. He was underinsured. Where's the extra money come when you're building a half a million dollar home? And they'll happily give you the value of the home when you bought it at 400,000, but where's the extra hundred,000 coming from out of pocket or sweat equity? That's about it.

Some of you have talents in this area. Some of us don't. So, you're going to pay somebody to do it if you don't have the talents to do it. I related to this. I'll read you this one here. Ecclesiastes. It It's This is one of the scriptures that makes me smile. And I'll tell you in a minute why. Ecclesiastes 7:12. It says, "For wisdom is a defense, which is true.

your understanding, your discernment of what evil looks like and how not to get involved with it. That's true. But notice it also says as money is a defense. Now for me, you know, what are areas I need to defend? Well, my home from things like rot and decay. And I happen to go out, my son or my wife pointed out to me that, hey, you know, let's go out the man door from the garage and let's take a look at it from the outside.

And I'm looking at the outside of it and and and it's not looking great. I got to be honest, it was looking kind of bad. The wood is peeling. All the paint's peeling on it and at the bottom it's rotting. I'm like, how does this happen? You're looking at somebody who does not have skills to resolve this, but I have an emergency fund and money is my defense.

So, I hired someone to come out and ridicule me for not doing it correctly and then fix it. Thankfully, I had the money as a defense to fix my problem. But the excellence of of knowledge is that wisdom gives life to those who have it. And so there's a need for knowledge and wisdom and to use that knowledge and wisdom to protect our families, our things.

Wisdom is the part that says when you spend the money or when you have something fixed and when you don't when you don't need to do something when you don't need to buy something. Those are also forms of protection. It might be financial protection. So that at retirement there may be something there for you just in case on the small possibility that the federal government doesn't have a nest egg waiting for you.

Okay. Protection. All right. Psalms 127 verse1 ultimately we know that our protection we do the best that we can physically that is the fact but ultimately our trust is in God Psalms 127 verse one unless the Lord builds the house they labor in vain who build it unless the Lord guards the city The watchman stays awake in vain.

It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows, for he gives his beloved sleep. It's a beautiful idea that if we just let God handle the physical protection beyond what we can do reasonably. Okay, that's really what that's about. We trust God. reading further.

Let's just pop over here to Psalms 121. 121 verses 7 and 8. Peace be within your walls. Prosperity. Oops, that's 22. Hold on over here. I mean, that's good, but let's go over to where I wanted to read. Psalms 121:7. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil. He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in from this time forth even forever more.

This is where we put our trust. Not standing guard at the door with a shotgun waiting for something to happen. Because in my 61 years of life, it's never happened. No one's ever broken in through the front door to try to capture one of my kids or take my wife and abuse her or any of that. It's never happened. I just trust God.

It's where I think we should be. Okay. The fourth P of our four Ps of fatherhood. And I No, I didn't have four Fs for fatherhood. I had four Ps. Just they work. Let's just go with that. The fourth P of our four Ps is patriarch. What does that mean? Well, we are the progenitors. We've already learned. We are providers and we are protectors of our family.

And in ways I hope you now you'll see a little bit differently than maybe you had thought of those things before. You're also the patriarch of your family. You are the leader. This is where the world gets that whole income thing upside down. If she makes more, she's the boss. You can't you can't give that responsibility away.

And the and the men who fail in this area have very difficult relationships, very difficult marriages. You can't get it upside down. God ordained the order. 1 Corinthians 11:3 gives us the order. I'll say this out loud. God did not make this order the way that it is because man earned it. We don't deserve it. God ordained it. That's it.

Because God ordained it, we follow it. Because if we don't follow God's ordained purposes, we are against his purposes. We will suffer for that. 1 Corinthians 11 and verse three, where Paul says, "But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ. Isn't that neat how he starts that? He doesn't start with I want you to know from the bottom up that the head of every woman is man.

He doesn't start there. He starts with hey fellas your boss is Jesus Christ. The head of woman is man. Now that you have the proper mindset about how we look at these relationships. The head of every woman is man. But you know even Christ has a head. It is God the father. The head of Christ is God. It's an ordained order. That's it.

We're not special because of this. Really, what it tells me is how important the responsibility is. Then I didn't earn this. It is a duty I accepted and now I have to fulfill it because the duty was given by God. It's ordained by God. And if I accept the role, then I'm responsible to make sure that it's done correctly. Well, you know, I'm human.

So, as correctly as I can do it, a father leads best when he obeys God first. You know, in Deuteronomy chapter 6, I'm going to go to Deuteronomy 6. Deuteronomy chapter 6 verses 6 and 7 it says and these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. So it starts with us as husbands and fathers right in here the law of God how we are supposed to live and raise our family starts with us.

Okay then what do we do with it? secretly keep it to yourself. Don't talk to your family about it at all because they're not the ones that God cares about. He says in verse 7, "You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

" Beck and I simply see our job here as pastor and wife as helping to that. How can we help you with that? It's your duty. It's not our duty for you. We can't substitute. We can help. We try to provide teen Bible studies and the kid Bible studies at church because we want to help.

What do we need? What do you need so that we can help you? That's where that's where we are because this is not easy in this world. Part of me is really torn. Have you seen this thing coming out of the UK? There's a number of countries now that are that have officially banned social media from any kid under 16 years old. Now, you know, there's that American in all of us that we don't like being told what to do. But I agree with this one.

Too many kids are using social media to destroy one another. It's not healthy. You want to see your 14-year-old doom scrolling? Their mind goes blank. I watched somebody was interviewed. We were listening to this on the way in today. a young lady was I don't know how she old she was but she was like 14 maybe she's being interviewed this is just the most like you have to be completely out of touch to even think this is a great interview somebody who maybe disagrees I don't know anyway with this proposed law that

says that 16 and under cannot be on social media so a reporter is interviewing a 14-year-old girl and she says what are you going to do and She literally says, "Stare at the wall." She wasn't joking. What has she been doing for the last few years? That tells us there's a problem. That's what that tells me.

There's a problem here. And so, while I don't like nanny states, there are some things that I think are good that we should be thinking about for our kids' own good. like maybe restricting them. And I think a lot of you do that and I think that's really good because it's going to make a difference.

This is where I this is where I land on this idea about being the leader of the family. It's where Joshua was over in Joshua chapter 24. I want to see if I want to pick this up earlier. Well, I'll just read verse 15. Just Joshua's words. He says, "And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell.

" This is a clue. It's a hint. You're dwelling in the land of the people whose God did not protect them because he doesn't exist. So he says, "Whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you dwell, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

" That's a man who knows his responsibility, who planted his flag and made sure everyone knew it. This is who we are. This is where my family's going. That's a patriarch. Proverbs chapter 20 because I have more material than I have time for. Proverbs chapter 20 and verse 7. The righteous man walks in his integrity and his children are blessed after him.

This is the area where we have to lead in our integrity. Being honest with ourselves about who we are when we look at that man in the mirror about what his strengths are and what his weaknesses are. There's no greater thing that we as fathers can do than when we see something is wrong in the family and we act on that.

Not out of discipline because we think the problem can be solved with discipline. What if we are the problem? Every day you ought to at least ask yourself the question, am I the problem I'm seeing in my family? Because if the answer is yes, then you're also the solution. Go get help. Get the help you need to solve the problem that's within you and your family will heal because you'll be taking on your role seriously as patriarch.

The one responsible for the family including himself. I had to do that to rescue my kids. If I was unwilling to do that, I would have blamed my kids for everything I saw and they would have become train wrecks in their life. But I was able at least through the mercy of God to look in the mirror and realize maybe the problem is beyond my kids.

Maybe I'm part of the problem and maybe I should look into that. Just on the off chance it's true. Turns out it was true. I had a lot of work to do. I went through 12 weeks of counseling. It was a lot of work and it was painful, but it was how I grew up. You don't see the way that we behave. And I know a lot of us relate to this idea. But how you grew up matters.

It's a conscious decision that you make to not live it the same way with your family as you lived it. That's a choice as men that we have. Many men have done this well. have looked at their past and put it where it belongs and have moved on and followed what God said to do through his scriptures and been righteous men before God. Not perfect men, but righteous men.

Hats off to those men who have done it right. Not all of us get it right right away. One area where we can make a mistake on this, let me share this with you as I wrap up, is Colossians chapter 3. This one can be a little difficult to understand, but I let me try to help explain it. Colossians 3 21. You know, dads were easy to go to verse 20.

Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Sure. I looked at my kids years ago and I said, see, that's what God says you're supposed to do. But God has a message for me. He says here in verse 21, "Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged." You know, one of the ways we discourage our children is by never having a good thing to say.

I know lots of people who grew up in a household where they never got a compliment from dad. Never could measure up to the standard that dad set for life. Never good enough. That leads to discouragement. You know when a child is small that same thing can manifest itself when we push the child through play to the point where the child has had enough and yet they are the child.

And when dad doesn't recognize that the child's had enough and we keep going to the point where the child lashes out to say stop it and then they get disciplined for being rebellious. snapshot of the 1970s. We can discourage our kids this way. And so it's important for us as dads to realize we need to set boundaries on ourselves if we expect our kids to follow boundaries we set for them.

We need to be encouraging because they need encouragement. We need to be kind because they need kindness. Last scripture for today, Malachi 4:6. This one's a little personal for me. Malachi 4:6. It's a prophecy, but notice how it works. It's an end time prophecy. But it says, "And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children.

I've lived that." When you turn your heart to your kids, you know what happens? The hearts of the children turn to their fathers. If you see a problem, be the solution first. Your kids will turn And here he says, "Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse." You think it's important to God. I think it's really important to God that we be good fathers.

That we understand our roles and responsibilities as fathers. But you know what the beautiful thing about it is? Despite all the statistics that we began with today, there's a very simple reality called conversion. that no matter how poorly I've been as a father before, I still have time. If I just pay attention, if I just look at myself in the mirror honestly, recognize where I haven't measured up and resolve it.

If I need help, get help. If I'm doing okay, then you're doing okay. The Holy Spirit is our helper to become godly fathers. That's why it's the ultimate encouragement. We've been called out of this world and we've been given a helper. Not just cast by God into a family to just fend for yourself and do the best you can. He's given us a helper.

Unlike the vast majority of the world, we have a helper. The indwelling of God's spirit. What a blessing that is. That's what enables us to overcome, become good fathers, live as good fathers, be the progenitors of our family, the providers, the protectors, and the patriarchs to lead our families to God's kingdom, to create godly children, because that's what God wants.