Marriage

Good morning, everyone. Good day to be here. Thank you for the special music. Chad and Katie appreciate that. It's always good to see a couple performing together and harmonizing. Proverbs 18, 22 says, Who so finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord? 50 years ago I found a good thing, and God has favored me. Not all the favors I appreciated or expected, but they're all His will. Since they're making me earn my cake today for our 50th anniversary with this sermon, I thought I'd talk about marriage. It's been 50 years. I probably need another decade or two to be more proficient, but hey, I may not make it that long, so who knows? Hard to believe 50 years have gone by. Anyone that says it's easy is probably lying to you. It's difficult. It was difficult for me even getting married. I was on a trip. We planned our wedding when I got engaged in February in July 12th, and in about May 30th, Mr. Armstrong asked me to fly. On June 1st, we took off for Europe, a three-week trip, and six weeks later we're still in Europe. I went and said, I'm supposed to get married this weekend, so I flew home from Paris to get married. That was how close I came to not getting a good thing. But it all worked out. I'm going to start with a joke, with a lot of marriage jokes out there, unfortunately. A man died and went to heaven. He'd been married for quite a while, and when he got up there, there's two signs before the door. One says hen-packed husbands, the other one says non-hen-packed husbands. In the hen-packed line, as far as you can see, there were men lined up. The other line is like one man. He couldn't believe it. He walked up to me and he says, wow, you must have never been married. He said, oh, no, I've been married over 50 years. My wife told me to stand in this line. That's not exactly how married you're supposed to be, and you could rearrange that joke to have emotionally abused wives and non-emotionally abused wives, and my husband told me to be here or else. That could work, too. The joke goes both ways, unfortunately, for too many people, and it shouldn't be. With marriage, God is inviting you to participate in something that's a human relationship, but it's designed to mirror a spiritual one. Marriage, rightly understood, helps a couple see their potential to be in God's kingdom, to be His children. And since we always looked to the Bible for answers, I had no idea when I was young. I looked, well, how do you know to find a mate? I couldn't find any lists for women how to find a mate, but I found 16 of them for men. I can briefly rehearse those. One is, you can have God create you a wife, like in Genesis 2. Of course, that will cost you a rib. And if it costs us a rib every time we get married, there wouldn't be too many divorces. Okay. And the second one is in Genesis 4. Even if no one's out there, just keep wandering around, and eventually you'll find one. That was Cain. It may take a while.

And you can have your father's servant go to another country and bring back a wife for you. That's Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 24. Now, of course, that may create some future job in securities if you picked the wrong one. For you can, Genesis 29, you can agree to work for seven years for the woman you want to marry, and then get substituted and get somebody else not to work another seven years to get the one you wanted.

Of course, that was Jacob with Rachel and Leah. Of course, that doubled his responsibilities and difficulties. Another one, in Exodus 2, we find a man with seven daughters and a bunch of sheep and marry one of them. Now, it's kind of hard to find anybody with seven daughters now, and certainly hard to find anybody with sheep.

So that may be difficult. In Deuteronomy 21, God talks about finding an attractive prisoner of war, bringing her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes, and then she's yours. Of course, she might get killed during the war trying to get that one. Number seven, Deuteronomy 22, it says, Lay hold a virgin who has not betrothed to another man and know her biblically, but afterwards pay her father a bunch of money, and then she's yours.

Of course, that could be expensive. Number eight, hey, this one, Deuteronomy 25, wait for your brother to die, take his widow. Of course, that was the law then. That was the levered law. Of course, you have to have a brother and hopefully he dies young enough that you're not too old either. Okay, number nine, when you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, I've seen a woman get her for me. If your parents question your decision, say, get her for me. She's the one for me. That was Sampson in Judges 14. It's hard to get your parents to do this. Another one, in Ruth 4, purchase a piece of property and get the woman as part of the deal.

Of course, there's not too many properties to come with women anymore. Number 11, go to a party and hide. And when the women come out to dance, just grab one and carry her off to be your wife. That was the Benjamites in Judges 21. Number 12, cut 200 foreskins off your father-in-law's enemies and get his daughter for a wife. That's kind of gross. 13, kill someone else's husband and take his wife. And that was David, 2 Samuel the Bashi. Of course, prepare to lose four sons over that.

Of course, the other day you'd go to jail. She probably wouldn't like you if you did that. Number four, hey, don't be picky. Make up for quality by quantity, like Solomon in 1 Kings 11. Of course, if it didn't work for the wisest men, it probably wouldn't work for you either. You'd be pretty stupid to try that one. 15, it's Hosea 1. Find a prostitute and marry her.

That's not exactly my idea of a spirit-led union, but that's what Hosea was told for the purposes of God. 16, become an emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty pageant. That was what Xerxes or Hasseres did to get Esther. And of course, you're not king today, but actually there is a kind of that today, the bachelorette and bachelor. That's kind of a beauty contest. Again, those are funny, but I wouldn't advise them.

I didn't use any of them to find my wife. And all these people had difficulties, which we all do, and most of them didn't work out so well. But marriage was created by God, and he created a very distinct DNA in every cell of a man's body, in every cell of a woman's body that makes you who you are. And regardless of any surgeries, those cells do not change. You are male or you are female. Society tries to nullify God's design. They try to change genders and things, but it cannot. Those cells are there. First Satan tried it with gay and lesbian. Now you have the LBGTQ and all the other things that are out there.

And that's not what God created, not what he designed. That's what Satan is trying to foist off on the ward. Turn to Ephesians 5 if you would, because Paul explains the true role of wives and husbands. You should marry, should marry, or should mirror the relationship of Christ in the church. That's one that we all are part of with baptism. Ephesians 5 verse 22, he starts out with wives.

Submit yourselves to your own husbands. Ask to the Lord. Then we all submit to God and to Christ. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands and everything. So there is submission involved in that, in leadership and structure. Submission is an attitude of voluntarily supporting, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying burden.

That's what you do with that. It's not to be compelled or coerced. It's not something you should be forced to do. So it goes beyond just acceptance or surrender or simply yielding to someone who may be bigger or stronger. It deals with changing your will, and that's a difficult thing to do. The godly wife will endeavor to align her will to the spirit and tent of her husbands.

Not just the letter of his request, but the purpose. She may seek clarification in order to agree or even modify an unwise decision and talk to her husband about that. But she still has to defer to the bigger picture, whatever the choice is made. Her example is Jesus Christ and the church and submitting his will to God the Father. How many times did he say, I can't do this to myself. I do the will of my Father. Not my will, but Thy will be done. A difficult thing. Difficult for him. He prayed to pass the cup from him, too. But something that comes with that marriage covenant is such. The only trump card in this scenario is that we ought to obey God rather than men. So if you're asked to do something against God, you have no choice but not to do it. And God will bless that choice. That's not a problem. Then he goes with the man. Husbands, verse 25, Love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

Why? That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that it should be holy and without blemish. Do you help your wife become holy and without blemish? So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it even as the Lord does the church. Again, why? To be holy and without blemish. That's the purpose for all of us, to help each other be that. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. We take the Passover. We make that covenant with him. Why? Because he's holy and without blemish, and wanting us to be, and helping us to be, by forgiving our sins. For this cause shall man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. That's what God designed. It's written in Genesis. And he says, verse 32, this is a great mystery. I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself, and the wife see that she, reverend, so that as respect her husband.

That's a difficult thing to do sometimes. You have to be someone as a husband that she can respect. That's our duty as well. A godly husband will emulate Christ's example in every way that he can.

You must be willing to give your life for your wife. This could include dying for her, but more so it includes living for her, fulfilling her life. Do you love your wife as Christ loved the church? That's a question all men should ask. And it's the deepest measure to consider before marriage and continuing throughout marriage. Even outside study reveals that a wife needs love, and a man needs respect. That's been studied many, many times. All the things I found in my classes that I took in graduate school, they all kept with things that work and the things that work were already in the Bible. It's just that they didn't find them there, but they're all there.

Being a mate involves principles, qualities that God would have us focus on, qualities we need to put in our life. And those would be a person's character, a person's faith, and mutual respect for each other. Let's look at some of the biblical guidelines to consider concerning marriage. First, seek God's guidance. That's always something we should just be taught to do from a time to teach your children to do it. My parents did that for me. We're told in Proverbs 3, verses 5 and 6, to trust in the Lord with all your heart and to lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways submit to Him and He will make your path straight. This is true in marriage, before marriage, during marriage, and after, to look to God, to ask for His guidance, ask what He wants. Often couples marry because of infatuation or physical attraction, and that should be there, of course, but it's not enough to fulfill you for a lifetime.

It has to be deeper than that. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and seeking God's help makes that lifelong commitment. It helps you find the search for your spouse, and it makes it a no brainer in marriage that you seek God's help. Finding the right mate with both of you seeking God's guidance, that'll help keep you on the right path. Again, I always ask God to help me create a relationship that fills my wife's needs. I see each of you should. For singles, you haven't got a mate yet. Spiritual bond is very important. Seek a mate in the church. Someone who's like-minded, 2 Corinthians 6, 14. You know that. It's been read so many times. To be not unequally yoked together.

And that's even if you're both in the church, there's some yoking that is difficult to work out. There's always the bugs that everybody has to work out. Things to learn another person, which is difficult, but that spiritual bond is special when you can share everything and anything.

He continues to show up fellowship as righteousness with unrighteousness. And again, it doesn't mean the person is evil that's not baptized, but you don't have righteousness unless you're following God and part of what His will is. Turn to 1 Corinthians 7.

Y'all, marriages can work out when one mate is not part of the church.

Many people have been called in the church without their spouses. But in talking with many in this position, no matter how good the spouse may be—and I've heard some wonderful stories about spouses that weren't converted—but there are some things you cannot share. And all of them state there are certain things that they wish they could share, whether it's going to the feast or various things. Just going to church. It leaves the void, even with a very good spouse. Because without God, every human being is incomplete. We all have that human spirit in us. But we need God's spirit combining with that to understand God's purpose in His life.

He has to combine with us to make us complete. And so we try to find someone who's seeking the same thing, combining with God's spirit, to be a mate. But Paul talks of the situation in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 12. It was one of the things in 1974 that changed the divorce from your marriage. The church, for many, many years, taught God made the marriage and what God put together you can't break.

And they didn't realize that there were some things in 1 Corinthians 7 when Paul said, to the rest I speak. He had already addressed the married and he addressed the unmarried.

Who will arrest? That was kind of what came up.

If any brother has a wife that believes not, she'd be pleased to dwell with him. Let him not put her away. Obviously, if she's pleased to dwell, if he's not pleased, then it may happen. And the woman which has a husband and believes not, if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Again, if they're not pleased to dwell, and it's not just verbiage, oh yeah, I want to be here, I want you to be my maid, my housekeeper, my provider, whatever it is, if those abuse or things are wrong, you can divorce. You're not supposed to stay in that kind of relationship.

But, verse 14, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife. Unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Else were your children unclean, but now they're holy. They have an opportunity to see someone who's sharing God's way of life. And that sharing can change a mate. It has a number of times. I know one of the people I went to school with for almost 12 years in her prayer, her mom came to every function of the church. I thought she's a baptized member until my senior year of high school. They said, oh, Mrs. Sprouse got baptized last week. I thought, whoa, that took a while. But hey, that happens. You set an example. Verse 15, at the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

Because if you're in your situation, you try to make peace as much as possible.

But again, it's allowed. For what you know, a wife, whether you shall save your husband, or who knows, you man, if you'll save your wife. And so many people have come in.

Armstrong had the same thing happen. His wife told him, hey, the Sabbath is in the Bible. And he said, no, it's not. So he set out to prove her wrong and proved her right. You can change someone, even someone who's stubborn. If they see that example, you can be the example.

Our goal is to be part of the family of God and helping others to get there. That's our purpose, bringing other people along. And that's best done if you're not an unequally yoked, but have the same spiritual goal. But as Paul shows in 1 Corinthians 7, marriage can be an example. It helps the spouse to understand God. And that's even more true in the church when you both are converted, because you can set an example for other people to see. And we've had some great examples in the church, and we've had some bad ones, unfortunately. But hopefully we learn from each what to do and what not to do. Second, character is important. God wants us to have character like him and his son. Solomon in Proverbs 31 says what to look for in a wife, but it works for a man as well.

In Proverbs 31, Solomon wrote, who can find a virtuous woman? Verse 10, her price is far above rubies. Yeah, better than wealth. How many wealthy men have said, Howard Humes was quoted always as saying he had seven different wives. He said, I'd give all my fortune for one good marriage. Money doesn't do it. The heart of her husband safely trusts in her. So trust in your relationship. So he shall have no need of spoil. Everything's going to work. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

The whole chapter of Proverbs 31 shows the qualities of a virtuous wife. Trustworthy, hardworking, caring for her family, wise, and most of all, God-fearing.

Those things apply to a man just as well. Even more so, I would say. If there's no character, then there's not going to be any trust. Without trust in a marriage, you don't really have a marriage. There's a couple in Texas that were counseling, getting married.

It's interesting, they were a week before the wedding day, the man told his wife that he had had some sexual impropriety in the past. She didn't get married to him. She said, I still loved him and I didn't marry him because of what he had done in the past.

I couldn't marry him because he waited till the last week to tell me.

He didn't give me an opportunity. He didn't trust me enough to think I could forgive him.

And a marriage without trust doesn't work. The man is responsible. The man should be smart enough in marriage to know who is better at something than others. Whether it's finance, organizing, cooking, whatever. Who's better at it? Again, that's not giving up authority. The man's in charge, but it's being smart. I know in the past, the early days, some ministers would say that it was true in society at the time, coming out of the war, the man's in charge and macho and whatever.

They thought the man should run everything, every single decision that was made. And indeed, the man's in charge and must make decisions, but he should do that in conjuncture with his wife.

Remember the old judge in Texas who somebody asked him, how did you make your marriage work so well for 50 years? And he said, well, I laid down the law when I got married. I told my wife, I said, I will make every major decision in our marriage. You can make all the minor ones.

So far, there's never been a major decision. That doesn't work too well either. When I taught my class a long time ago, I used to tell them, who's better? I used to talk to them, and I'm not concerned with what you choose to do. But if you override a decision that your wife has had input with and her advice is wise, then you're being a fool. You should prize her advice and listen and talk. Again, this is mutual respect. Looking for character, you have to prioritize inner beauty. Turn to 1 Peter 3, verse 3. See, character is not really a surface quality. There can be some manifestations of it in what you wear, in appropriate drafts, or climate and things. But the inner character, you know, you can't look at someone and say, oh, you got character.

You can say you are a character, I suppose, but not you have character. That's something that you have to learn. In 1 Peter 3, verse 3, Peter writes, who's adorning, let it not be that of outward adorning or plating of hair, wearing of gold, or putting on apparel. Let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which in the sight of God is of great price. So your beauty should not come from the outward things you can put on. It should be your mind and your heart, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That's what God wants. That's who God looks at. Of course, the love chapter characterizes it very well, and part of that's in our marriage ceremony we have. It's about the heart, the mind.

Is your character selfish or giving? Is it harsh or kind? Is it respectful or debasing of others? All the things you have to know before you go into marriage. Is it truly a loving God?

Does God would have it? Is he truly that? If he is or she is, that's a treasure. 1 Corinthians 13 verse 4 has one of the Bible's most beautiful statements about love.

Paul inspires us with these words, and it would be good to put on every wall of every home.

Verse 4, love suffers long and is kind. And there are times in marriage where you have to do that.

Love does not envy. A lot of marriages are envious and jealous. Love does not parade itself. It's not puffed up. It doesn't behave rudely. It doesn't seek its own. It's not provoked.

It thinks no evil. It doesn't rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

And those are things that you do in marriage.

Marriage provides you with that unique experience which you can practice love and all those qualities, that selfless love that God models through Christ for all humanity.

Any problems in marriage or family arise when either the husband or wife or both deviate from godly values. These values work. In Africa, someone told them they had to go to their brother, and he said, well, it doesn't work in African culture. And I said, okay, you're saying God, who created all human beings, it doesn't work in Africa? I don't think so.

What God creates works well. What he tells us to do works well.

As we read in Ephesians 5, a marriage must show love and respect.

Man is instructed to love their wives, and women are instructed to respect their husbands.

Those are things that move us along, keep us motivated.

If you have problems in doing this, then you should seek counsel. Seek wisdom.

Proverbs 15 and 22 says, plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors, they succeed.

Seek advice. When I taught that personal and family finance class and ambassador, I had the students make a life plan. And if they were going with someone, which the number of them were, there were a lot of juniors and seniors in the classes, I told them they could do their project together. They had to get bills, they had to know what the rent payments were, they had to get statements, they had to call life insurance and get prices, they had to do all sorts of things in the project to lay out where they wanted to be in marriage. And some of those marriages turned out really strong for that class. Some people actually broke up and never got married because of that class. They just didn't agree on some very critical things, whether it was finances or where they wanted to live or whatever. We do plan for a good marriage.

I don't think anybody plans for a bad one. That's not our idea. There's a reason counselors tell you to ask yourself for marriage, how does the man treat his mother? How does the wife, the woman, treat her father? How do they treat their pets, even, some ask? Because you can see those character traits in that. It's hard in this world sometimes because there's a lot of broken families and blended families, and if one or both come from broken homes, it's hard to understand some of these things. It's one of the things the Preparing Rich program that they trained the ministry in some time back discussed those various aspects of differences in family background and things as much as you can. If you seek a maid, ask your friends what they think. Your view is not always accurate. You see through rose-colored glasses, and all of us do that. Michelle did that when we were getting married. I transferred to Pasadena. They didn't want her to transfer, and they told her parents. They called her and told her that she was marrying someone the church didn't approve of, which her parents did not understand at all, trying to find out what was wrong with me.

Then the boss asked me to work for the head of the church, and that was a big disconnect for them.

They ended up liking me anyway, which always comes out good.

He asked the same thing, but Michelle, she was down in Big Sandy. Finally let her transfer a year and a half later. It was funny because during her sophomore year, one of my good friends, Sergeant Pearl, had transferred down to Big Sandy because her boyfriend had asked her to come down there. About a month or two later, he broke up with her and dumped her or somebody else.

She had given up all of her friends. In fact, she was going to be the overall women's coordinator, top job at the college. She gave it up for him, and it was a good friend of mine.

But Michelle went to her. She knew he'd gone to Imperial. We knew each other in the same class.

She asked her, is Aaron going to dump me like you were dumped?

Kim said, well, Aaron and I fought like cats and dogs, and he may be stubborn, but he's loyal. You won't do that to you. And I didn't. So we worked it out. But she asked. That was a good thing to ask because you don't want to be dumped in a strange place with new friends and things and let go. Marriage is something you have to think through to make sure it works.

If you're married and there are problems, again, seek counsel. Ask for help. Ask God for us, and ask someone else. Ask a minister, ask a marriage counselor, or someone who can give you good advice.

If you have children in marriage, do they see an example in marriage that their prospective mates will see something good when they ask those questions? How did you treat each other?

Will they see a great, loving set of parents, or do they see a lot of arguing and stress?

Think about that. Then maybe you should consider, Matt, helping you do a little better job with your spouse. Our son-in-law came down to visit our daughter. He liked her. Physical attraction was pretty obvious. She's a good-looking girl. But we were taking care of Michelle's father, and he came down when we were doing home health care. He sat through that and watched it all. He knew a lot about us after that, and he still married her. And now they have three of our grandchildren. Wonderful thing. Again, we are raising future husbands and wives, futures fathers and mothers. We owe it in our marriage to give them a good example as much as possible so that they can do. Consider that. A good marriage is held together through two peas, prayer and patience. Those are things that are difficult.

Philippians 4 and 6 tells us, don't be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, I would say marriage is a situation. It's a lifelong situation. And so don't be anxious. Be patient. That advice he gives to understand each other. If you have understanding of each other, you have more patience. When you know why something's happening, it's easier to be patient.

But even if we don't know why, we still have to be patient. That's one of the things that helps.

Got another joke I'll throw in. Man found a bottle with a genie.

But the genie only gave him one wish, and he really loved his wife, and she was afraid of flying. So he asked that genie, he said, can you build a bridge to Hawaii so I can take my wife there? And the genie says, well, that's a hard and pretty drastic thing. Do you have anything else?

He said, well, you know, I've always wanted to understand my wife. Can you tell me how a wife thinks? The genie thinks for a minute. He says, how many lanes do you want on that bridge?

Sometimes that's kind of the way it is. We don't always understand each other. We have different DNA, different makeup. When God knows that, he made us. I think women understand men better than understand women. I think it's probably because they raise children, and children are devious, and they get to see that all the time, so they know how us big children are.

First Peter 3 verse 7, Likewise, your husbands dwell with them with according knowledge, with understanding, giving honor to the wife as unto the weaker vessel. And that weaker vessel doesn't mean weak in the sense of character or even physical strength. It's actually a more delicate vessel. You used to win a prize when you ran races, and they gave you a beautiful, ornate, very delicate vase that could break easily.

That's what a wife is, very delicate and beautiful, something to cherish.

As being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered.

Wow! If you don't understand, if you have anger, it's difficult to pray. It's difficult to be close to God. You have to learn your mate. You have to learn what they think is best you can.

Even though God put the man in overall authority, marriage requires mutual submission because it's a partnership with each other. We didn't read this earlier in Ephesians 5, 21, but it states, Submit to one another, out of reverence for Christ. Do you revere Christ? Do you honor Christ?

Then submit to one another. Understand one another. It's a mutual partnership, and both have to recognize and use the strengths of each other, recognize and help with any weaknesses. That's what God asks for in a marriage relationship, to help each other. Another thing, purity. Purity is important, both before and during marriage. God expects purity. 1 Corinthians 6, 19 says, Know you not that your body is the temple, the Holy Spirit, which is in you? Your body is a temple for that spirit, which you have of God, and you are not your own. You are not your own.

God expects us to care for our own bodies. 1 Corinthians 4, verses 3-5, We care for in marriage that of our spouse, as well, husband and wife.

1 Thessalonians 4, 3, For this is the will of God, another will of God, even your sanctification, that you should abstain from fornication, purity before marriage, that every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honor. Your body is to be honored, not in the lust of concubious sense, even as the Gentiles, which don't know God. It is God's will. You are sanctified. You have to learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. That applies to your whole life. The world doesn't know God, and we have to watch out for its influence. It is very influencing.

It is sad. It rubs off on us, unfortunately. We should be growing closer to God. We tend to look at the gap between us and the world. We feel okay and not realizing the world is getting worse.

And we tend to drop down and keep the same gap. It should just be going the opposite directions.

God expects us to do that. Sexuality was created by God. It is an incredible gift of God in the proper setting. It is special. When it is used improperly, it causes damage outside of that setting. It damages emotionally, damages physically, damages in different ways. You are property.

You really don't own yourself. That is inside or outside of marriage because you are God's.

A Christian living class, some of the ones Mr. Thall spoke about at camp, they had a class and they told the kids that you are property. Some of the kids were upset with that. I'm not property.

It's my body. I can do what I want. No, it's not. It's not. When they finally were told about it, they understood it because they said, you know, your life is in preparation for someone else if you plan to marry. And your life is in preparation for God to be in his family. And that's who owns you. And when you mess that up, you jeopardize those relationships, both with a future spouse and with God. Again, your life is in preparation. It's not your body, per se.

In a sense, it's yours to take care of, but only for someone else and for God.

Dr. 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 1, Paul, again, concerning the things that you wrote to me, they wrote asking questions. They asked questions about sex because Corinth was kind of the porno capital of the world at that time. And everything went on, the temples and all the immorality that happened to be a Corinthian was to be an insult. Yeah, you're a Corinthian. That was like calling somebody a bad name back then. And they asked Paul questions about that. He said, is it good for a man not to touch a woman? Again, they were asking about marriage and about sex.

If you don't want to be married, that's fine. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, that every man have his own wife and every woman have her own husband. There are those desires.

Let the husband render to the rife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife and to the husband. These are natural needs that God says to fulfill. I like that due benevolence term.

The wife has not power over her own body, but the husband, and likewise also the husband, has not power over his own body, but the wife. I read an article more than a dozen years ago of well-known counselor in Dallas was talking about the problems in marriage. Usually finance and sex are the two biggest things and two biggest areas of contention. He made a very interesting statement about marriage and sex. He said, in counseling marriages that are in trouble, he said, I have a 90% or better rating on keeping the couple together if they both stated they had a satisfactory sexual relationship. He said, in cases where one or both were not satisfied, my success ratio was less than 5%. God expects us to have a due benevolence, and you have to understand your mate. It's interesting in verse 5, in 1 Corinthians 7, the apostle Paul continues, Defraud you not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer, and come together again.

Why did Satan tempt you not for your incontinence, for your unfulfilled marital needs? Paul saw that, that you need that due benevolence. Talk to each other about everything and listen. Some subjects seem almost to be taboo. Many parents, husband and wives, never talk about sex. Often don't talk about it with their children. That's where it should be talked about. Often, when you do start, it's, oh, you know, too much information. No, it's not always too much information. There are things that you think you know that you don't. But it's something you have to learn about each other. Men and women don't naturally understand each other's bodies, how things are, what they want. And even between males, there's different needs. And between females, there's different strengths of needs, etc. We don't inherently understand that. And there are many other needs to be filled. There are all sorts of things that you may not fulfill for your spouse. Maybe he or she doesn't like something that you like to do. You can usually fill that with other people. Now, if you want to go hunting and camping, your spouse doesn't, you can go with your friends. That's not a problem. It's all legal. If your spouse likes to talk a lot, but you don't, you're quiet, it's okay for them to talk to their friends, and family, whoever. Same with sewing, biking, any kind of hobby. It's okay. God wants us to have friends. He wants us to share things. Sex is the one area where you cannot fill a need that's short without sin. If you don't understand your spouse's needs, you'll drive them in the wrong direction.

You may drive them to divorce. You may drive them to pornography or adultery. Those things happen.

Understand. Talk. Discuss it. It may be annoying at times, but you should discuss everything with your spouse. Your goal is to be God's child in his kingdom and to help each other get there.

That's your goal. You're his children. Communication is a key. Even secular counselors talk about that at length. It's a big part of the preparing rich thing is talking to each other.

My mentor often told me of the man who wanted a divorce, and the judge asked the man, why do you want a divorce? The man says, I can't stand it anymore. Why? She talks all the time. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. It just drives me nuts. I'm crazy. The judge said, wow, that's sad. What did you talk about? The man said, well, I don't know. She doesn't say.

Tells you where the problem is. Not listening. Do you really listen? You have to. Without communication, marriage can wither and die. Without communication with God, your spiritual relationship with God can wither and die as well. That's not what God wants or what you want.

What is the role of a husband in marriage? Now, the biblical role is an overwhelming responsibility. It can only be truly done by God working in you with His Spirit.

Every converted husband must recognize his wife as a daughter to God. To God, she means everything.

Within marriage, God has given her to you.

She's like your fragrant heirloom your family has. You know, you can go to grandma's house and don't touch that. Don't break that. Don't do that. That person is God's daughter. It's His heirloom. It's His gift. You carry the responsibility for caring for your wife. To love her as God loves her. To give to her completely. To honor her as God honors her. To esteem her and respect her. And to lift her up in all ways. You become the primary instrument through which God shows her love and honor. Through you, God provides for His daughter, now your wife, for as long as you live.

To properly fulfill this responsibility, you have to embrace the fruits of God's Spirit.

In all aspects, for her sake, love your wife as Christ loved the church. When you submit to God, a godly wife will have very little difficulty in submitting to you.

Because she'll recognize your team. That's what you need. The only fitting husband for a woman trying to be a daughter of God is a man who's trying to be a son of God. She is the opportunity and the challenge for every husband in a godly marriage.

To be like that relationship. The role of a wife in marriage, we summarize that. The godly wife recognizes her husband as a son of God, whom the father dearly loves and wants her to take care of. And God gave you to him as a gift. You must work with your husband to build a home together, to seek to join the family in unity, in harmony, in love, in peace.

You're the partner, the friend, the loving companion through which God has chosen to bless his son, now your husband. You must help him as the church helps Christ in doing his work. You will respect and admire your husband, submitting your will to his to accomplish what becomes those shared goals in your life. And the only fitting wife of a man trying to be a son of God is a woman trying to be a daughter of God. That's the role of wife in a godly marriage. God created both men and women in his image. We're both like him. Different DNA, different roles. But just as the godhead has order, rank, composition, God and Christ and those under him to serve and provide structure and peace, that's true in a marriage. There is structure in a marriage just as there is in the church. God says in 1 Corinthians 11.3, but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of every woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God, the Father.

The godly marriage should reflect that same order. It's important that the roles of a husband and wife are not seen as a reflection of status. I'm in charge. You're the servant. You know, the older members are members of the honeymooners with Jackie Gleason. That'll age a lot of us. Your kids, hopefully you can look it up on Ask Siri. She'll tell you about it. Because Jackie Gleason, he gets angry about something and he gets mad. He says, I'm the king! You're nothing! Get it? I'm the king! You're nothing! She said, good. You're the king over nothing. That's the way it is if you're acting that way. You really do have nothing. In Matthew 20, verse 25, about leadership and about servants, Jesus tells his disciples, because their role with the church was one of service, and in marriage, your roles are service as well. You know the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them. They that are great exercise authority upon them. It shall not be so among you. Whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister. Whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant. The man's the head of the wife. He's the biggest servant. He has to do the most things. Even as the Son of Man came not to be minister to, but to minister and to give his life, it's a ransom for many. God is a God of absolute peace and harmony. He's perfectly coordinated, completely unified. Marriage also requires a clear distribution of function, and that's why God placed the order that he did to make those functions work if we do it properly with the fruits of God's Spirit in love and submission. Just as God the Father is a Godhead, the husband has to lead the family in love. Just as Jesus submits to the will of the Father, the wife has to follow and respect her husband. It has to work. Contention doesn't work. God created a wonderful way for humanity to glimpse the unity of the Godhead through marriage and to experience a way of peace and harmony. If it doesn't work, it's because you're not following God's manual. You're not using it the way he intended it, in his way. If you align your marriage with those biblical principles, you can be the person one would want to marry and one who would want to stay married.

Dr. Ward in the forums used to talk to some of the kids who thought they'd get together, and he says, some of you are half a person, and you find another half a person, and you think together you make a whole person. He said, actually marriage is multiplicative. A half times a half is a quarter.

It doesn't work. You need to be a whole person, a child of God, both of you, and then you make a unit. And it's true. Yes, marriage jokes are funny. But marriage is a very serious proposition, one that God ordained. It's not funny when we fall short. And we all fall short at times. I've never seen a perfect marriage. But I've seen some good ones, and I've tried to emulate those, and I've seen some bad ones. And if you fall short, don't be discouraged. Just commit to God to do it better the next time. To learn from it. Ask God for help. The extent of your faith, the extent of your values, how well you practice what God teaches will show how strong a foundation your marriage has. And that'll be a great example for your children.

A God-centered marriage helps each of you prepare to become a sound or daughter of God, because you both belong to Him before, during, and after marriage.

We are caretakers of each other for God. He gives us that awesome responsibility.

Christ will return soon. We're so close to the end, and at that time, we'll be able to teach the whole world how to have a proper marriage.

We won't have all the crazy things that are going on around us today.

So with that, I'll say, let them eat cake.