Seven Principles of a Successful Marriage

Happy Sabbath! Always good to see everybody. Like the pebwars, we were down in San Jose last week, and Mr. Weber was down there as well. So we decided to sort of rendezvous and have breakfast with them and chat about some of the things in the church and discuss some things regarding the areas, respective areas. But anyway, gave a very fine sermon on the subject of marriage down there.

And I thought, well, I'm going to give a sermon on the topic of marriage as well. Because marriage is one of those topics that we need to address on a regular basis in the church. We need to talk about it. Frankly, we probably do well to talk about it every month. In some way or fashion. Increasingly, marriages are failing, as I think we all know, in society. And one wonders when, in fact, the day will come when marriage will be just obsolete. We used to have a booklet. You may remember, you know, Why Marriage, Marriage Soon Obsolete, I think is the title of it. And back in those times, by the way, most people did get married.

But it's changing quite a bit in a dramatic way. Marriage is actually trending down. I just looked at this one report. This was last evening. Pew Research says in 1960, basically 72% of the people got married. In 2014, it was 50%. So it gives you an idea of what's happening. And it sort of held in that area for the last few years. Maybe has varied by 1% or so. But it seems that marital happiness is so elusive that a lot of the younger generation decide not even to get married, to hang loose, as it were, to not, in fact, enter that part of their lives and to engage in a relationship with someone with marriage involved in it.

Some actually opt to just live together. Shack up, as we used to call it. But marriage, it seems, happiness is an illusion. And it is unique, in fact, to see somebody's remains together for 25 or 30 or 40 years. I mean, that's ancient these days, considering how long some of the Hollywood marriages last. Some of them last maybe two or three days, and they spoil. But marital happiness seems to be one of those things that is fading in the world.

And unfortunately, brethren, it's true in the Church as well. Some in the Church have a hard time in their marriages. It seems that they fight to, in fact, stay together. Now, I'm not saying that certainly that we don't have happy marriages in the Church. We do. I think many of the marriages are very happy in the Church, but we have all too many that are having troubles in their marriages. Brethren, is there a remedy to this wrong course relationships are going in the world? You know, it's like with many things in life, there are principles which determine whether something's going to be a success or whether it's going to be a failure.

Certain laws govern the physical universe, and particular principles govern, in fact, relationships and marriage as well. And it's like with a lot of things with regard to God's way of life, it's man's ignorance that causes them to continually have problems. Whether you're talking about financial problems, you know, we have, of course, Financial Peace University that is sort of teaching about that, that Mr. and Mrs. Coaster are involved in locally here and others as well to teach about that.

But one of the primary reasons that people have the problems, you know, with finances because they are not looking to the right source. They're not looking to God. That's one of the primary reasons why people have financial problems. The same is true when it comes to marriage. So, brethren, what principles govern success in marriage? What principles govern success in marriage? And maybe I could add to this, brethren, how can you revitalize your marriage? How can you make your marriage, in fact, more successful than it is? Perhaps. We can always improve, can't we? So, I want to talk about seven principles. It should be pretty easy in taking notes here, and I'll try to spell out each point before we move on to the next.

I remember Mr. Luker used to talk about how he loved to give sermons with points in them. And I think many of the sermons I heard Mr. Luker give were point sermons. And he was always easy to take notes because you always got to number one, number two, number three, and you had a pretty good idea of what he was talking about. But number one principle, brethren, that governs success in a marriage is understand the purpose for marriage. Now, you would think that would go without saying, wouldn't you?

Understand the purpose for marriage. You know, one of the primary reasons marriage fails, brethren, is not knowing why God created the institution of marriage to begin with. Most marry for the wrong reasons. Some just want to get out of the house. They want to get away from their mom and dad. Some just want somebody as a companion. Some, of course, most, I would say, in this world, in this day and age, get married because of what? Lust. Boy, she's got a good rack.

Or, you know, boy, he's really, he's buff. I don't know, some men may, in fact, go for the buff look in the women, but these days. But sometimes people, in fact, get married because of pregnancy, which sort of goes with lust. Some get married for money, and on and on it goes. I mean, there's a lot of reasons that people get married, but none of those that we've mentioned here are reasons why anybody should get married. And yet, it's probably what makes the world go round, isn't it? What happens in the world? We talk about the world, you know. That is the world. That's the way the world works and functions. Let's go back over to Genesis chapter 2. It all began in the beginning. It's a good place to start, isn't it, in the beginning. But in Genesis 2, in verse 24, over here, notice it says, here it's talking about, in fact, the relationship that God was going to, you know, want Adam and Eve to be in. And he says here, in the ceremony in verse 24, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. So again, here we're talking about the purpose of marriage. The reason for marriage is that two people become one. Two people become one. That's not the message we get in the world today, is it? It's not the world's approach to marriage. You know, basically, two people become two individuals in marriage. But we see here that God intended that two people become one flesh.

Two people, by the way, need each other to make themselves, in other words, complete. And most miss that point. Marriage should be when you find somebody that they're going to complete you, that you complete one another. Marriage, brethren, takes both mates submitting to one another and giving each other. You know, God intends that a man give himself to his wife and a wife give herself to a man in marriage, working together, in other words, as a team. Working together is one. Let's go to Ephesians chapter 5. The Apostle Paul talks about this over in Ephesians chapter 5. In verse 31 over here, in verse 31 beginning, we'll go down to verse 32, it says, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And notice in verse 32, this is a great mystery. Boy, it is, isn't it, in the world today? The world has never cracked this mystery, hasn't understand it, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. So the marital relationship between two people, you know, that God allows us to have hereupon the earth is, you might say, a like a marriage between Christ and the church. That mystery. That God intends that marriage be on a God plane level. In other words, it's a very high level that God puts marriage on. It's not just two people going down to the JP and saying, I do. It's more than that. Of course, in the world, the world has decreased the value of marriage, and it becomes more or less, let's go to Las Vegas and get married, and you know, in the chapel down there, and hear some Elvis music, or whatever, you know, they might like. But it says, for this cause, or you know, for this purpose in the Greek, that a person is to be joined unto, in other words, in the Greek, the Greek word is proskalaleo, and it means to be glued or submitted together in as tightly as possible. Glued or cemented together as tightly as possible. You ever seen two people that have been married a long time, and when you see one, basically you see the other. That's what we're talking about. You know, he is her shadow, and she is his shadow. They're always there with one other, spending time with each other, enjoying spending time with each other, by the way. You know, Jesus Christ became one by giving himself 100% for the church. What part of himself did he leave out? He didn't leave anything out. He gave his life for the church. And, brethren, we are to do the same by submitting to God 100%. And I'm talking about on our spiritual relationship with God. Marriage, you often hear people talk about 50-50 relationship. It's not a 50-50 relationship. It's 100% relationship. Each person giving 100%. And marriage between Jesus Christ and the church is a great mystery. How do you do that? How do you do that? You have to love the person you're going to marry so much that you're willing to lay your life down for that person.

You know, if we don't understand that, brethren, we really do not see the purpose of marriage. We don't understand the gravity of it, the importance of it. Let's go to Philippians 2 over here. Philippians 2 and verse 2.

Here Paul writes, "...fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love and being of one accord of one mind, let nothing," verse 3, "...be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in the lowliness of mind, let each esteem others better than himself." Let each of you look out not only for his own interest, but also the interest of others. And brethren, specifically in marriage. Specifically in marriage. You know, we as God's people should be looking out for one another. Regardless of your mate, look out for your mate more than you're looking out for yourself.

Brethren, humility and submission to one another in love should be our focus. All of us, when we're married, our focus, love, and devotion to that mate we've married to love them with all of our heart. Now, God says we should love him with all of our heart, with all of our mind, and with all of our soul. We give our devotion to God, don't we? We should love our mates, brethren, with all of our hearts. If we as husbands and wives practice, brethren, these qualities of humility and submitting to one another in love, our entire focus is selfless. We're not thinking about ourselves. Your needs will be taken care of, by the way. I think some people have a self... they're selfish in their lives because they think somehow their needs are not going to be taken care of. I've heard people actually say, I'm always taking care of everybody else, but what about me? Well, brethren, taking care of other people is taking care of yourself.

It's adding to you. When you're watching after your mate and loving them, that should be feeding you. Frankly, you benefit much more, probably, than the love you're showing. I'm sure you're not doing it perfectly, are you? It's much better to give, Christ said, than to receive.

I know that's a hard thing for us to see, isn't it, in this world that we live in, where it's all get-oriented. Everything's inward. People thinking about themselves. I don't care about you, but I care about me. What a selfish world we live in, brethren. And we have to realize that the focus is not correct in the world. And, brethren, if we can have the humility and love for each other, and our focus is on others and on our mate, particularly, this will help us guide us to be one in marriage. And, you know, that is the guiding principle. That's the guiding principle, to be one. The primary purpose in marriage, brethren, is to become one flesh. So, brethren, understand the purpose, the reason for marriage. Number two—again, I told you I'd make this simple for you, but this is not simple, the number two point here. Understand the needs of men and women. You know, often, most are clueless except for evident anatomical differences between people. You know, they think—often times I've seen this happen so many times through the years that people will come and they will say, you know, we're so much alike. You know, she completes my sentences. You know, he knows what I'm thinking. And then two weeks later, boy, things change rather quickly. It is amazing how people think they're so much alike. Sometimes, as a minister, I'm sitting and I'm evaluating that kind of statement. And I'm thinking in my back, you try to be positive, you know, with people. You don't want to destroy their lives.

You know, I had an elderly couple that one time just—they went to the feast and they came back and they were ready to get married. And anyway, both of them had been married a number of times.

And I decided I was going to have them—I said, Joan and I had them over to our home and we were going to sort of talk about some things before they actually did get married. And I said, don't you think you ought to counsel about it first? You know what their answer was? Oh, we don't need to because we've been married before. Yes, we're those successful marriages. See, that never enters into it. We learned all about marriage because we have—I mean, she's got three failed marriages under her belt and I've got two. I know all about what makes a marriage fail. They don't know what makes a marriage succeed. You know, that same couple, you know, went off somewhere—I didn't marry them—went off somewhere and found somebody that would marry them. They came back, you know, this was, again, a relationship made in heaven to them when they were sitting in my office, you know, we were talking about it. They came back and they were—they said they had gotten married, I think was at the feast. They got married, or, you know, some holy day and, you know, how long it lasted?

Two weeks. You know, he was calling me and he was saying—no, she was calling to say, he's chasing me with a butcher knife. Now, I'd say that's a pretty serious problem. Well, needless to say, they didn't stay together. But they didn't need counseling because they had been married before. They knew all about it. Yes, brethren, everybody needs counsel. Everybody needs to talk about such a serious thing as that.

You know, sometimes people think that they are like somebody else. You know, you need another set of eyes to look at this thing, to evaluate this thing. Find out, brethren, about a person, learn about them. You know, oftentimes people find out when the honeymoon is over, quickly they find out that they don't even think the same as this person does.

You know, there was a man who was having problems in his marriage and he was walking, you know, on the beach, you know, down here. And anyway, he was walking along and he saw a bottle it washed up on shore. And he picked it up and he saw that this bottle, you know, had the cork intact. And so he had his pocket knife and he managed to get the cork out and out comes a genie.

And the genie said, said, you have one wish and one which only and it will be done. And the man had always wanted to go to Hawaii, but you know what his problem was? He had a fear of flying. He's afraid of flying on an airplane and he said, you know, I've always wanted to go to Hawaii. Would you build me a bridge to Hawaii? That's a long trip, isn't it? From Hawaii to California. The genie replies, do you know what you're asking for? A bridge from California to Hawaii would be a massive undertaking. Imagine the supports would have to be thousands of feet to make the bottom of the Pacific Ocean all the way across, you know, to Hawaii. Amazing how much concrete and steel would it would be enormous. It would exhaust the resources, you know, of the country of all that steel. He said, no, you'll have to think of another wish. And the man said, okay, you know, I tried to... finally he said, the reason I've been walking on the beach is because my marriage has not been doing too well. And my wife says I don't understand her. And she said, you don't understand women. So he said, that's what I want. I want you to, you know, give me the wish. I want to understand what women feel. I want to know what women think. That's it. That's the wish I want. And after a long pause of silence, the genie says, would you like the bridge to be two lanes or four?

That may be too big of a wish.

You know, there's a lot of books that are on the subject of the difference between men and women. All of us, of course, have read the book by John Gray on men are from Mars and women are from Jupiter or is it Venus? I get the planets mixed up. Frankly, I don't think John Gray knows where they're from. But anyway, there are magazine articles about home life, how to improve your marriage. And there's a lot of stuff out there. You know, we don't have to rewrite that and replicate in the church. There's a lot of good stuff. However, brethren, if we expect success in marriage, you know, no matter how much stuff we may read in the world, you better look to God. Because sometimes, brethren, since the world is really cut off from the tree of life and has been munching on the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, sometimes the world can be wrong. And you can launch out on something, you know, that is being taught or promulgated by the world, is simply not what God intended in marriage. I remember there was a man down in Phoenix a number of years ago. He and his wife got involved in marital counseling. And basically, the conclusion of their marital counseling was all men are wrong and that the wife is always right. I know you wives will like that. Doesn't go well for the men, though, you know. But I'm not sure how successful they were at it. I guess at least they were successful at it. But I don't know about the people that they counseled with. In Genesis 3 verse 16, let's notice over here, what God told to Eve when in Adam, you know, when in fact they rebelled and they eat of the wrong tree. But in Genesis 3 verse 16, notice here God said in Genesis 3 verse 16, oh, I'm sorry, I'm in Philippians. I knew that didn't look right.

What's wrong with you, Bible? You should turn there by now. Maybe you have a trained Bible, you know, just goes exactly where you want it to. Verse 16, and it says, and to the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children, and your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. In other words, you will desire your husband, but he will be your master, as it says in the Revised English Bible. And what happened from that time, brethren, apart from God, because man walked away from God, as it were, he was out of the Garden of Eden, the way to the Tree of Life was barred, mankind, I would say, humanity has degraded in society, women, and marriage. You know, there are aspects of what God fully intended we see within the Scriptures, but God never intended women to be degraded and to put down as they are in the world. You know, you look at some of the practices, in fact, even among Islam, the approach of Islam and some other cultures as well in the world. Religious cultures, women are degraded. And God did not intend that. You know, I guess over in the Muslim world, women are told to walk 10 paces in front of the man in case there are mines or bombs, you know, make sure that the women are not, I mean, the men are not hurt. And I'm just being facetious, but obviously you didn't get it.

Maybe it's not funny, but either. But it seems the way that some cultures are, again, there's a degrading of women. You know, God intends man, brethren, the man of the house in marriage, to provide security for his wife, for his wife, one wife, by the way, not four or five or however many cultures decide that a man can have. But strangely, brethren, today many women are repulsed at submitting to their husbands, you know, in marriage because they don't know God's intent with it. God intended, brethren, that a man and a woman, a husband and a wife, complement and complete each other, and that man provides security for his wife, that he takes care of his wife, he cherishes his wife, he loves his wife as he loves his own body, that they complement each other. Let's notice in chapter 2 and verse 18 here in Genesis. And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone, I will make a helper comparable to him. I'll make a helper comparable to him. I'll make him a help, meet for him. You know, some think women are made servants to men in this verse, by the way, not so, not so. But this verse says no such thing. Some translations say, I shall make a partner suited to him. A partner suited to him. That's a whole lot different, isn't it? A partner suited to him.

Woman, brethren, was made in marriage as an equal to man to complement or to add, brethren, to the other's role. And God made the husband head of his wife in marriage, so he would supply that security for his wife.

And for that reason, God created a woman with that desire to come under her husband's security. Let's go back over to 1 Corinthians 11.

I've heard it through the years many women expressed, not in the church, but I'm talking about in the world, they like to see the part about, you know, being a submission, your husband ripped out of the Beryl's ceremony. Or the word subject, they don't like that word subject, either. But, brethren, there are some things you can't deny that are in the Bible.

Some things that are there, and you have to accept what is there. And if you don't accept what's there, you're going against what God has instructed. But in 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3, it says, the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman. And in the revised standard version, her husband, in other words, is the head. And the head of Christ is God.

Again, an unpopular concept today because it has been abused.

And consequently, wives are pulled back from their husbands in regard to being submissive to them. And in some cases, I would say I understand completely why. You've got a husband that is a dictator. You've got a husband that hauls out the whip every time he gives orders. You know, I'd pull back, too. And a wife does not have to submit to that kind of an approach by a husband. She simply doesn't. God never intended that. God intended a marriage be a team working together, coming to a consensus on what decision is to be made. I'll tell you what, though, I am the head of my house. I make all the big decisions in our house. In the last 41 years, let me tell you, there hasn't been one big decision. So, you know, my wife, basically, you know, I want to please her so much that oftentimes, you know, whatever she wants to do, what mama wants, that's what mama gets, you know, as they say.

And she wants to please me as well. Sometimes it's hard to get anything done, because she wants to please me, and I want to please her, you know. So we're a stalemate here. You know, we try to please both of ourselves, and I guess maybe the stalemate's good, because until we're ready to please both parties, then it won't be done. But anyway, you know, not something that happens all the time. But let's go to 1 Peter chapter 3.

Sometimes with the leadership of the world, you know, you can't make everybody happy. But in marriage, brethren, we need to make one another happy.

Fulfill the joy between a husband and a wife. In 1 Peter chapter 3, 1 Peter chapter 3 over here, in verse 1, wives, it says, likewise, be submissive to your own husband. That even if some do not obey the word, now that happens, doesn't it? Sometimes you're married to a mate that is not in the church. They, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. You know, sometimes take a pretty cold-hearted man to not notice that his wife is being blessed, and he's not. In the decisions that he makes, you'd have to be pretty brain-dead, wouldn't he? To see how God blesses, and in her life, if she's obeying God, in doing those things that please God, it'd be kind of hard for him to not see that. I guess there are people that are just that cold-hearted and maybe thick-headed, but a woman in her conduct makes a big difference with a man. There's an influence that is there.

This is, do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person in the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in this sight of God. In other words, a woman, really the most important part, is in the inside. Now, this is not to say, by the way, a woman shouldn't take care of the outside. But you don't have to go overboard in a gaudy kind of way, but to set a good example of godliness, of cleanliness, and good grooming, and so forth. But the biggest and most important thing is, again, on the inside. And it says, for in this manner, in former times, verse 5, the holy women who trusted in God also adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. So she referred to Abraham as Lord. Now, again, not necessarily that something that today we use, you know, in the concrete sense, you know, but we basically means that she's so respect toward our husband. She was respectful to her husband. And it says, then it says, husbands, instructions to men, and sometimes men, we are the thickest head, headed of the two.

Husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding.

I know how it is, though, with men sometimes, you know, you look, wives, you look at your husband and say, what is he thinking? The fact of the matter, he's probably not thinking anything. Nothing going on up there. There's a little mouse on a wheel going around. But I'm just kidding about that. But sometimes men are that way. They just, they're not thinking.

When a wife says, you weren't thinking when you did that, were you? And he tells her, honestly, no, I wasn't. But anyway, giving honor to his wife as to the weaker vessel. We had that presentation at, by the way, at the conference about this weaker vessel here, means it is a more fragile, more more expensive vessel, like they've discovered. And they have some of these cups that are from this time, in fact, the first century. And they're just very fragile. But compared to, you might say, a man, if I can give you an example here and apply it to something different than a vase, a man, brethren, a man is like, a woman is like, you know, Rolls Royce. A man, on the other hand, is like a jeep.

You see the difference? A woman is like a beautiful vase. Very precious, very expensive. A man is a washed up. If I can explain. So the woman is the weaker vessel. And as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. The woman is the more fragile vessel, the more prized vessel. And quite frankly, men, we would want to guard that valuable piece of vessel that we have, you know, that valuable person in marriage. We want to guard them and provide their security for them.

God made men a little bit, a little stronger in the sense of being able to do that, to be defenders in that way, in that manner. But some women, you know, have misapplied the meaning here, as some husbands overstepped the authority God gives. Some women think their role is knowing how to take orders and not think for themselves. That's not what God means. Not what God intended. The admonition is to submit means that two individuals think differently at times. Submission doesn't mean a wife must surrender her beliefs and only believe what her husband does or believes. That's not what God intended. Something that ever contradicts God's way of life, a woman should not submit to it. Should not do it. Wives, you know, have to be sometimes pretty thick-head about themselves. They're going to compromise on what they believe.

And a man seeing that, by the way, you'll know. She's very convicted about this. If it's the Sabbath or if it's about other things that God commands to do, she has really made up her mind on that and she's not going to budge one iota on it. I'm talking about circumstances, again, where one mate might not be in the church.

Pray never would happen if somebody was in the church. But I suppose anything is possible. Let's go to Acts chapter 5. Acts chapter 5, verse 29 here. Acts 5 and verse 29.

And the other apostles answered. They were all answered, of course, the the scribes and the Pharisees who would threaten them. And Peter and the other apostles answered and said, we ought to obey God rather than men. Same is true in marriage. You'll obey God rather than men. Wife has a right to refuse her husband's demand if it's contrary to God's word. The Bible instructs husbands to be careful not to usurp authority that God has not delegated.

Because, you know, the head of Christ is God the Father. And the head of man is who? Jesus Christ. Better obey Christ. Don't usurp His authority. Over in Colossians chapter 3, husbands—let's notice over here, men. Good for our young men to know these things, if you don't know them already. But in Colossians 3 and verse 19, husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. That word means harsh. That word means harsh. Don't be harsh with your wife.

Husbands don't abuse again the authority that God has given you in the marital relationship. Remember, you're a team. You should be working together. The Bible says again, well with them with understanding. God expects we who are men to dwell with our wives with a little understanding, savvy, about their frame to understand a little bit about themselves. I know we make jokes about, you can't understand women. And I certainly agree there are some aspects that maybe you never are going to understand, but we can understand a lot. We can grow in that understanding. And I think one of the great things that we can understand is the role of a man and the role of a woman in marriage. Marriages fail because society has abandoned right roles. And the failure results, brethren, when people ignore God's word, God's laws, God's intent. Pick and choose what they will do and what they will not do. Point number three. Point number three.

Have a right attitude toward your mate. Learn to have a right demeanor.

You know, to have the right ambiance, if I can put it that way, of your own attitude and the presence of your wife, of your mate. In Proverbs 14 and verse 30, I'm going to quote from the NIV. It says, a heart of peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

I heard one marital council talk about, a counselor talk about how a woman is like a flower, and the flower has to open up. And I don't know, I've heard of people that actually have said that if you play music around flowers, that they open. That the flowers enjoy, you know, music.

It's kind of interesting, isn't it? Even, you know, in the biological world, botanical world, it does in some way impact. But then we want to conduct ourselves in such a way in our marriage that we open our wives up, and don't close them off. And if you're harsh on your wife, if you speak down to your wife, if you bark things at your wife, she's going to close up. She's going to close up. Proverbs 15 verse 4, it says, a wholesome tongue is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

So a person who talks about these things, it has to be from the heart, not in a deceitful way, in a deceitful manner. It has to be from your heart.

It's important for, I think, a man to get that, to again have a right attitude toward his mate, toward his wife.

In chapter 15, in verse 16 through 17, and again, this is in NIV, better a little with the fear of the eternal than great wealth with turmoil. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.

Ain't that the truth? I mean, you could have all the wealth in the world, and if you can't get along with your mate, you don't have a good relationship with your mate. You know, the prince and the pulper. I don't know, Walt Disney had a movie many years ago called The Prince and the Pulper, and the one that was the poor had the better heart.

Well, I think a woman would choose a man who was poor over a man who was wealthy, if the attitude was right and the marriage was right.

Proverbs 15 verse 18, it says, A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel.

You know, sometimes people carry their emotions on their cuffs, and some men think it's a mark of masculinity to just, you know, get angry at the drop of a hat.

Well, let me tell you, I don't like that kind of person either. I don't want to be around that kind of person that is so volatile and hard to deal with. And I wouldn't blame a woman if she didn't want to be married to somebody like that. It's always flying off the handle, you know.

No, get control. The Spirit of God is the Spirit of control, controlling ourselves so that we're not hot-tempered. And wives, you shouldn't be hot-tempered either. I don't care if you are from whatever, you know, if you're an Irishman or whatever it might be. I don't care where you're from. You shouldn't be hot-tempered. Control the temper. Learn to control yourself. Bite your tongue.

A lot of times, you know, you do that. If you've learned to keep it in and learn to bite your tongue, you think about it a little bit later on. You'll be thankful you didn't say what you were thinking.

Again, a wife is not a slave, but she's a joint heir, brethren. She's a joint heir with Jesus Christ, and she, brethren, needs to be given honor in that way as being an heir together of the grace of life.

Again, she's not a slave. She's a partner, a help to her husband, to compliment him.

You know, so we as God's people, again, and husbands and wives, need to understand these things to make marriages work. And, you know, we've always said it's easier to get a driver's license, easier to get a marriage license than a driver's license. Wouldn't it be great if people had to study about marriage before they got a license? Frankly, it's hard to become a citizen of the United States than to get a marriage license. You've got to know who Abraham Lincoln is, and who George Washington is, and all that. You know, some have to study for that. It'd be good if people had to study before they got married. I'm really appreciative of the fact that my wife and I both were able to go to Ambassador College, and you have a lot of instruction. Four years of instruction about marriage was just about everything that we had was related to the Bible, of course, and we had specifically classes on principles of living and marriage and all all kinds of classes on that that lasted some of them for a year, you know, or a semester, talking about many of these things. And you know, it used to be in Ambassador College that for years we didn't have a divorce. Of course, I think when people started letting down in terms of their spiritual lives, then it began to happen. Then it began to occur. Ephesians 4. Ephesians chapter 4 over here in verse 17, it says, This I say therefore, testify in the Lord, that you should no longer walk as the rest of the Gentiles walk in the futility of their mind, having their understanding darkened, becoming or being alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them because of the blindness of their heart, who being past feeling have given themselves over to lewdness to work all uncleanness with greediness. This is a way of life and a way of thinking. And it says that you put off concerning, verse 22, your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lust and be renewed in the spirit of your mind. We ought to be different, brethren. And that you put on the new man which was created according to God in true righteousness and holiness. We're talking about conversion, aren't we? Here. Conversion.

No, are you, brethren, still striving to become more converted?

Still working on that? We're still overcoming that?

No, we need to take a long walk and look at ourselves. How have we let down an overcoming?

It probably is reflected in our marriages as well. Verse 30 over here, it says, Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you are sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God and Christ forgave you. How about applying this to marriage? You know, does it apply to marriage? Are you with me? Does it apply to marriage? We all understand that. It does, doesn't it? I think the first place it applies to marriage are families and so forth. So, number three, have the right attitude toward your mate.

Number four, have drive and giving 100% of yourself and marriage. You know, interestingly, let's go over to Ecclesiastes 9, I should say. I found it very, very interesting over here. When I tell you the Scripture, do what you do with your might, do you relate that, brethren, to your marriage? Well, chances are we do not tend to relate that to our marriages, but it is connected. That statement by Solomon is connected to marriage. But verse 9, notice it says, live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which he has given you under the sun all your days of vanity for that is your portion in life and in the labor which you perform under the sun. And then it says, whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might for there's no work nor device nor knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you're going. You get the connection again, marriage and doing what you do with your might. Again, that commitment, that total commitment to one another, 100% both ways as God's people.

We can't be sluggards about it. You know, the sluggard looks for an excuse to get out of doing what's right. And, brethren, a test of, in fact, our obedience to God hinges on our ability to relate to our mate and to one another. You know, God gives us a lot of instruction, doesn't He? But He doesn't, He's not just beating the air when He gives that instruction. He wants it to be applied. And no knowledge is of any value unless it's applied. Might as well throw it out on the ash heap if we're not going to do anything with it.

But we ought to, again, as God's people, give it our 100%.

Point number five, be resourceful in resolving problems in your marriage. Be resourceful.

You know, a soft answer turns away wrath. Man's got to use, woman's got to use, in fact, wisdom, the mind that God is given. Apply those principles and you can't go wrong.

You know, if you do not apply right principles, though, nothing's going to go right. Nothing's going to go right.

No, one time there's a wife who was sitting with her husband at home. They were watching TV, and a news story came over that a woman in their community had just simply disappeared.

You know, whether she was kidnapped or what, I don't know. And the wife looked over at the husband and said, what if I disappeared for a few days? And the husband looked back at her and said, I wouldn't worry about that at all. Well, the first day, afterwards, he didn't see her.

Then the second day came and he didn't see her either. The second day. Then the third day, the swelling around his eyes began to go down, and it caught a view of her out of the corner of his eye.

Wrong answer. Wrong answer.

You know, if you tell your wife if you wouldn't worry about her, she disappeared. You can better bet you might be pummeled about the head. And until your eyes are swollen shut, it might take three days for you to see again.

So be resourceful and use your brain. Use your mind.

The question comes up is, when conflicts arise in marriage, what do I say? The Bible gives wise resources to draw upon. Be resourceful to look into the Bible. To study it. Be resourceful to resolve the problem.

Again, you know, I quoted Proverbs 15, verse 1, In the NIV, a general answer turns away rap, but a harsh word stirs up anger. And I would say a dumb response can also stir up anger, such as in the case of a man who is asking the story.

In Proverbs 14, verse 29, again from the NIV, a patient man has great understanding, but a quick-tempered man displays folly. Again, showing a quick-temperedness of a person is going to cause you to make some pretty big mistakes. Cause you to make some pretty big mistakes.

Have control of the Spirit of God as supposed to give you.

Proverbs 16, verse 7, When a man's ways please the eternal, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him. If you and your wife are not getting together, husbands, maybe, just maybe, your ways are not pleasing God.

Same, I would say, could be true with wives. Maybe your ways are not pleasing God. Maybe you're not going about it in the right way, in the right manner.

So, brethren, it is important to be resourceful.

Look for solutions when there are marriage problems that occur, that marriage problems that happen. Point number six, be totally committed to persevere and adversity. You know, just because you run across ground where it's rough in marriage is not a reason to dissolve a marriage.

My mother and father had, frankly, serious problems in their marriage. When I was growing up, I sometimes hated to hear the arguing between them. There was a big family, of course. My mother and father had nine children. Big family. My dad had a pretty big responsibility, and my mother as well.

But, you know, even through all the things that they went through, they stayed together.

And I think we're married 50 years, about 50 years or so, before my mother died, and she died early from cancer. She had a problem with cancer. But, you know, I think one thing about them is they were committed to marriage, the concept of marriage.

One thing I never wanted to have is a relationship in marriage where you was arguing, a lot of bickering, a lot of fighting, and all that. I never wanted that. But if I learned anything from my parents, you don't give up if you have problems. Again, there's wisdom in how those things are evaluated in the church. That's where we need to seek counsel.

Marriage is a very important thing. I know my parents thought it was. They weren't in the church, by the way. And, you know, I think most of us in our family, by the way, were committed to marriage.

I'm not going to say there weren't any divorces, but there were more that stayed together, you know, than broke up. But be totally committed to persevere. You know, God wants us to learn to persevere. You know, Paul went around and he visited the churches, and he wanted to admonish them that it's through much tribulation you enter the kingdom. Not easy.

And sometimes it's going through the ups and downs in life, too, that oftentimes that marriages have, that you endure to the end. No, sometimes we suffer because we do wrong things in marriage.

But there's no condemnation, I should say, for someone who does the wrong things to be commended to his or. There's no commendation for that. But remember the fact that Jesus Christ himself was willing as a perfect sacrifice. He laid his life on the line, and he didn't do a solitary thing wrong, and he suffered for us. So husbands and wives, you know, if we make mistakes and we suffer, you know, maybe that's due us. If we do the right thing, then we are to be commended as God's people. But again, marriage is a commitment that we have to persevere. The Bible says, let no man put asunder. Let no man put asunder.

And, you know, Jesus Christ spoke about that himself. He said that. What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.

And, you know, it takes two people to work in a marriage. Mates must be committed to each other. And Christians, Christians, rather, make every effort. I mean every effort to make that marriage work.

And then if there's an unconverted person that departs, the Bible does say, let them depart. You know, if you've done all you can do and the person departs, it says a brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases or in the book of Corinthians. Point number seven. Point number seven. Keep in contact with God. Seek His guidance. Pray. Study.

Be in contact with God, husbands, and wives.

You know, there's a way, the Bible says in Proverbs 14, verse 12, there's a way that seems right unto a man, but the way ends in death or destruction.

Please understand, brethren, you cannot rely only on marriage books in the world because sometimes they're an error. It goes on to say in Proverbs 14, verse 15, a simple man believes anything. So a simple person believes anything. You know, you can read it in the book, you know, or some people say, well, I saw it in the newspaper. It must be right. Oh, boy, you can be so wrong, can't you?

So, brethren, keep in contact with God.

And over in Psalm 127, verse 1, it says, unless the Lord builds the house, the weary builders toil in vain. Unless God is there with you, brethren, and making that marriage work, making it survive, you might as well end it there because it's not going to succeed. You're just going to weary yourself, but inviting God in the marriage, that is what we need to do. Invite Him into that marriage and ask God to help. Ask God to guide. Help Him, ask God to help you to say the right things, to do the right things, to be godly, husbands and wives. So, brethren, here's the challenge for all of those who are married or hope to be married. Hopefully, brethren, today we have a greater comprehensive of the principles that will lead to happy and successful marriages. Apply these principles, brethren, and reap the rewards that will come from it because God gave us the institution of marriage to understand on a God-playing relationship, the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church.