The 7 Ingredients of a Healthy and Loving Marriage, Part 2

Well, happy Sabbath again, brethren! Thank you, Marissa. You know that they're confident when they leave the podium before the music ends that they're really pleased. I've actually heard that song and you did a great job with it.

Thank you so much. It was very beautiful. If you listen to the words closely, very meaningful. I'm sure we'll tie in greatly with a women's club today. Well, for this sermon today, I would like to finish a sermon I started last week. Unfortunately, the clock runs very fast in this hall, and I was not able to finish my sermon last Sabbath, so I wanted to cover and finish the seven ingredients of a healthy and loving marriage, Part 2.

As I mentioned before, marriage is a lot like trying to create a gourmet meal. You can create a meal that is digestible, or you can create a gourmet meal, and the difference is the ingredients in it. A gourmet meal involves having the right ingredients at the right quantity, and when that exists in a meal, the meal is tasty and it's fulfilling and it's satisfying. And the same is true of our marriage relationships, brethren. When we have these ingredients, and when we have them in the right amount, particularly not too little of these things that we're discussing, we create a marriage that has an incredible potential, a marriage that's satisfying, a marriage that's joyful and fulfilling, rather than just a marriage in which we are two ships passing in the night, living our two individual separate lives, but living under the same roof.

So as we go and continue this sermon today, I'd like to first recap the first four ingredients that we covered last Sabbath, because I know we have some folks here today who were not with us last Sabbath. So I'll cover the first four points very quickly. First of all was communication, and that is we need to constantly talk and share our deepest feelings with our mate, just like we do in prayer, I might add, to God. If you want to have a marriage that's hitting on all cylinders, your spouse, your mate, should know what your deepest most goals are, your ambitions, your desires, your hopes, your dreams.

Now, doing that makes us vulnerable. Doing that requires us to take away a mental barrier that we put up, in which we don't let anybody ever get there. But the truth is, if we want to have a wonderful and great relationship with God, we have to do the same thing with Him.

And regarding on the human level, if we want to have a great relationship with our spouse, we have to be willing to talk and share our deepest feelings. As I mentioned, last Sabbath, God created marriage, and He intended husband and wife to share their most intimate thoughts. Eve was not taken from Adam's foot, so that he could walk all over her. He was not taken, she was not taken from his posterior, so that he could sit on her. And I might also add, she was not taken from his mind, so that she could rule over her and do all of his thinking for him.

Instead, she was taken from his side to represent a lifelong relationship of being a partner, in which through that partnership you are working and growing and standing side by side, as you enter the different phases of your life. We read from Proverbs chapter 25, 11. It said there, a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold and settings of silver, like an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold, is a wise rebuke or two and obedient ear.

And we defined that as having good quality communication and being sensitive in the way that we point out to our mate that something might be wrong or they might improve something and just handling things in a mature way that is positive communication and not criticism. The second one was trust, an attribute which is very important in any relationship. Webster's defines trust as a firm belief in another's honesty. And we mentioned that if trust isn't present, there is poison in the relationship. And we also talked about the fact that trust is a lot more than just trust sexually.

It's also making sure that we are honest and we're not lying to one another. It's making sure we're not squandering money and hiding it from our mate. It's making sure we're not being emotionally abusive, saying harsh words, putting them down, being negative towards our spouse. It means not hiding porn under your bed or going into the bathroom and shooting up drugs and trying to hide everything from your spouse and your mate. You do those kind of things. You violate trust and I can assure you that trust is very, very hard to rebuild all over again.

So trust is a very important ingredient in having a great marriage. The next third point was cherishing each other with a genuine love. And Webster's defines cherishing is to hold something dear, to cling to it, to nurture it.

And we read some scriptures and we discovered how much Jesus Christ cherished and loved the church. How much did He? Well, He gave total commitment to the church. He was willing to die for it. He gave His love, His loyalty, and His respect to the church. And that's what we should be giving to our mates and our spouses. And we talked about some of the ways we can learn to cherish each other. First of all, we can tell them that we love them and cherish them.

And oftentimes, that's very difficult for men unless they're in a horizontal position. Men rarely tell their wives that they love them. And we need to do that more often. I mean, tell them that we love them, I mean.

Don't get that statement confused there. We can do things like bring them flowers, if they like flowers, obviously. A small gift, their favorite candy bar. Take a walk together, watch a movie together, play together. Good marriages, I've noticed good marriages, have a lot of bantering and teasing. They just have an open and free relationship. They can tease each other. And there's just that relaxed environment in the house, as a husband and wife, are very loving and tender in that way that they're not afraid to tease each other.

You know, you can play together. You can share a favorite beverage. Sit down and have your, you know, if you both enjoy a couple of hot chocolates, sit down and talk for a half hour. And just tell your spouse how you're feeling, what's going on in your life, your frustrations, your dreams, your goals. And just talk together. And that is how we learn to cherish one another with a genuine love that goes far beyond the superficial that we see in the world today. The fourth point was, listen, don't lecture your mate. And that's a real issue that we have in a lot of our marriages, is that people are just very poor listeners. Part of that comes from our Western culture. We were all trained in the Western culture to be really lousy listeners. So much so that usually when someone's talking to us, instead of really listening to them, we're already thinking of how we're going to respond to them while they're talking. Well, if you're thinking about how you're going to respond to them while they're talking, you're not listening. That is a common human problem, particularly in the Western world. Have you ever seen the movie Dancing with Wolves? You may remember the one scene where the so-called primitive Indian culture had, I think it was, the talking stick. And they all sat down and they had a meeting together. And the one who possessed the talking stick was the only one who could talk. And everyone else zipped it until the one who had the talking stick passed it on to someone else. Everyone listened, passed it on to someone else, and then it was that person's turn to have their say and communicate. And we have too many relationships where we have poor listening skills, we're cutting each other off all the time, we're not even letting people finish statements, we are concluding immediately where they're going, and they may not be going there at all, and we're cutting them off, and we're being rude and we're not listening. And those are all kinds of things that are going to be barriers to our relationships. Not everything your spouse says requires an answer. They're adults. They don't need lecturing. Your mate does not need commentary. They do not need daily correction by us. They don't need our sermon, our favorite sermon, to hear a lecture from us. If they make a comment and it's off the wall, they may simply be venting. Give them the freedom to think out loud. They may be making a rhetorical statement that does not even require an answer. But it's so important to listen rather than lecture. Alright, those are the four points that we covered last time. Now let's cover the final three. Number five, respect your mate's uniqueness and individuality. Respect your mate's uniqueness and individuality.

This is important because most of us come from, you're going to be shocked, a grossly pagan culture of Western Europe that was founded by the Romans and then carried on by the angle of Saxon world in which, frankly, men did not respect the uniqueness and individuality of their wives. Men looked upon women as another possession, like their dog, their gun, and their bank account. I also have a wife.

And because of that, they did not respect their mate and they did not respect their uniqueness and individuality. That's a real problem that still exists in our culture and, unfortunately, in the Church of God as well. Let's go to Ruth chapter 2 and verse 1. The book of Ruth chapter 2 and verse 1. First, we're going to read here about equality that Boaz had. You may remember the story of Ruth.

Naomi had married a man and moved to Moab, and she had two sons who both died.

One of her sons was married to Ruth, and when Naomi decided to come back to Israel, Ruth, who was a Moabites, her daughter-in-law decided to come with her, was dedicated and committed and determined to go back to Israel with Naomi. So, Ruth chapter 2 verse 1. There was a relative of Naomi's husband, a man of great wealth. This is how Boaz is described here. If you look at the Hebrew word, it actually means more than great wealth. The New International Version says, a man of great standing. The Hebrew word implies he was a man who was influential. He was like an elder in the city gates, and that he was highly respected and influential in his town. A man of great wealth of the family of Elimelech. His name was Boaz. So Ruth, the Moabites, said to Naomi, Please let me go to the field, to glean the heads of the grain after him, whose sight I may find favor. You may remember that part of the law of Israel was that when you would reap your crops, that you would allow the corners of your fields to be rounded. You would leave those alone so that people who were poor, people who were in poverty, could come and harvest the grain and make it into bread and have something to eat. And that's exactly what occurred here. Some translations, again, say that Boaz was a man of great character and influence, aside from the fact that he was also wealthy. Chapter 3 and verse 6. Now let's pick it up here. So she went down to the threshing floor. She wants to send a signal to that culture that I am available for marriage. And so she did something that was an accepted practice within that culture. Boaz was related to her husband, her former husband, who had died. She was a widow, and it was the responsibility of a close relative who was unmarried to marry someone of a close relative. And the first child, as a matter of fact, the first boy of that relationship, was to have the name and carry on the family line of the widow's first husband, who had died. That was part of the law of Israel. So chapter 3 and verse 6. So she went down to the threshing floor and did according to all that her mother-in-law instructed her.

And after Boaz had eaten and drunk, and his heart was cheerful, he went to lie down at the end of the heap of grain, and she came softly, uncovered his feet, and lay down. He didn't want thieves to steal his grain, so he slept right on the job site. They were reaping grain during harvest time. It got late in the night. He just decided, I'm gonna crash right here, and he laid down. And after he's sleeping, she came softly, she uncovered his feet, and she laid down. Now again, this was part of the Hebrew custom of a woman submitting to a man that she was attracted to and saying, I am available. I find you attractive. I am available to marry. Would you consider the potential and possibility of marrying me? Verse 8.

Now it happened at midnight that the man was startled, and he turned himself, and there a woman was lying at his feet. And he said, Who are you? And she answered, I am Ruth, your maidservant. Take your maidservant under your wing, for you are a close relative. She's saying in a cloaked way that, consider marrying me, because you are related to my deceased husband. You are single. You are available, and I want to let you know that I'm interested. Verse 10. Then he said, Blessed are you of the Lord my daughter, for you have shown more kindness at the end than at the beginning. The more I get to know you, the more I realize you're a person of incredible character, he says, in that you do not go after young men, whether poor or rich. Now this implies that Boaz was a wealthy bachelor's and quite a bit older than she was. But he said, you know, you could have shown an interest in young men who were wealthy, but no, you were kind enough to show an interest in me.

Who's quite a bit older than you are, who's a bachelor. And he says that that's really impressive. I really appreciate that. Verse 11. And now my daughter do not fear, for I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman. You see, she was an individual. She had a special uniqueness, her reputation in the community, even though she was very poor. Her reputation was that she was a virtuous woman, independent of his own achievements. She was a unique individual. Verse 11, I'm gonna read this from the New International Version, and now my daughter, don't be afraid for I will do for you all, you ask, all my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. So even though I want you to think about how different she is than Boaz, first of all she's poor. She's dirt poor. She's so poor she's gleaning the leftover fields in order to eat. He's wealthy. He's rich. She's a non Israelite. She's not one of the promised people. He's an Israelite. She has little influence. She lives in poverty. She's from another country. No influence whatsoever. He has tremendous influence. We read earlier he was a man of great standing in the community, but what she does have is she has a reputation as an individual with unmistakable character. And I want to highlight here that she was an individual and that she was a unique person who everyone could see and recognize who and what she was. And we have to respect that in our mates. Our job is not to smother our mates. Our job is not to morph our mates to be mini me's of who we are. We are not in competition with our mates. We should not have the kind of relationship where it's constant competition on who is going to control the family, who is going to dominate the relationship. Because any time you have competition, you know what you have? You have mistrust. You have resentment. That eventually leads to bitterness and that leads to the syndrome where you have two ships passing in the night, occasionally having sex with one another, but living two independent lives without any real affection or meaning of a partnership together. That's what occurs. And this shouldn't be about competition. We'll see at a future point who should be the center of our lives. We'll get to that in just a few minutes. Last time we read about the virtuous woman in Proverbs chapter 31 and verse 10, and it said, and I'll quote, who can find a virtuous wife for her worth as far above Ruby's. In the heart of her husband, he safely trusts her so that he will have no lack of gain. So that's what it said about her. She's a remarkable woman. She's an individual. We read in chapter 31 all the unique qualities that she had, all the gifts and talents that she had. But what about her husband? Well, we won't turn there for the sake of time, but in Proverbs 31, 23, it told us this about her husband. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. The city gates were the place that was the place in the city where the respected elders would come to judge local matters, would take care of community needs. So not only was she a unique individual on her own and had all of those incredible traits that we see in Proverbs 31, he also was a Proverbs 1 through 30 man, living by all the stuff that's before chapter 31. And his own uniqueness and individuality showed that he was a leader in his community, that he was a respected elder. The Believer Study Bible says this about Proverbs 31.

It says, "...a wife affects her husband standing in the community, bringing him either honor or shame and pity." So what are we bringing to our spouse? What are we bringing to our mate? Are we holding them up? Are we encouraging them? Are we strengthening them? Or are we putting them down to keep them in their place? Are we discouraging? Are we are we verbally abusive so that we can dominate the relationship? We have to honestly ask ourselves these very difficult questions because of all people on earth, our marriages should be the best. Our marriages should be shining lights and examples to a world that is given up on the relationship of marriage. In some minority communities in the United States, now 70% of the children are born out of wedlock. They've given up on marriage as an institution. And of all people on earth, our marriages should be shining lights to a dying world of how two people can be committed to each other in a partnership, working together, sharing their intermost lives together.

They build a wonderful bond and a relationship. When you become one flesh, you don't stop being an individual. Paul said that the church is one body composed of many members, meaning many parts. You are a member, your wife is a member, you're both individuals, you have uniqueness. You and your mate were created with different talents and strengths and weaknesses, and the idea was so that you could complement or balance one another, not be in competition with one another. My wife has strengths and abilities that I could only dream of having someday, but she's good at that. So what I do is I yield to her and let her do what she's good at. I acknowledge that and accept that. On the other hand, I have traits and abilities that comes natural to me. They are natural gifts and talents. She steps back and she allows me to do those things. We try to complement one another, and that's what all of our relationships should be about. Not in competition, but complementing each other. But that doesn't happen if we become a control freak, and if we try to dominate our mate and their will, if we try to make them submit, you can only submit voluntarily. No one can make you submit. You can't change your mate, you can only change yourself. You can encourage your mate. You can inspire your mate by your example. You can encourage them through words of respect and prodding them on to grow and change and become more, but only they can change themselves. Just like only we can change ourselves. So it's so important that we understand that we respect the fact that God created our mate to be different than we are. That's not a mistake. Our goal is not to create our mate in our image. Our goal is to allow Jesus Christ to create both of us in His image. That usually means that we both need to change and change grammatically in order to be made in the image and in the mind of Jesus Christ. Let's talk about point number six. Point number six is forgive quickly and often. Forgive quickly and often. Galatians chapter 3 and verse 8. If you will turn there with me. Galatians chapter 3 and verse 8.

Paul is talking about general human relationships, but we're going to look at this from the perspective of marriage because if this is true regarding our relationship with our brothers and sisters in Christ, how much more so is this true with our life partner? With that partner in which we witnessed in front of God's presence and said, I take this person as my partner, as my husband, or as my wife for the rest of my life. Galatians chapter 3 and verse 8.

But now you yourselves are to put off all these. Here are some of the things you're to put off. Anger. Do you ever get angry with our spouses? Wrath. Do you ever get vengeful? Try to punish them in some way. Maybe give them the silent treatment.

Maybe do something to try to make them feel guilty or shamed. Malice. Blasphemy.

Filthy language. Do we ever curse in front of our mate? We use God's name in vain. Filthy language can also be interpreted as verbal abuse. We call them stupid, ugly, fat. Make terms that we know we're gonna hurt them in order to try to purposely hurt their feelings by something that we say. He says, put this out of your mouth. Do not lie to one another. Are there dirty little secrets that we're holding within some addiction, some problem that we have?

And we're lying to one another, spending money that your mate doesn't know you have? You got five million dollars squirreled away in a Swiss bank account your spouse doesn't know of? If that's the case, see me after services and we'll split the difference. No, I didn't say that. We'll have to edit that out of the tape. Verse 9. Do not lie to one another, since you have put off the old man with his deeds, and have put on the new man. Remember, we're new creatures in Christ.

Each and every day we're being renewed. The new man who is renewed in knowledge according to the image of him who created him, where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcised nor uncircumcised, barbarian or Scythian, slave or free, but all in all in Christ. We need to look at our spouse, especially if our spouse has been called. If we have the blessing that our spouse is called and in the church with God's Spirit, but whether they are or not, we need to treat our spouse as a child of God with dignity and respect. That's so very important.

Verse 12. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies.

If your spouse offends you, if they say something that hurts you, if they forget to do something you ask them to do, it doesn't say, you know, be merciful because God commands it. No, it doesn't say that. It says, put on tender mercies.

Be quick to forgive. Quick to show mercy. Quick to forgive an oversight or a slight against you. Put on tender mercies. Kindness, humility, meekness, long suffering. Your spouse have that irritating habit that drives you nuts.

That's part of their personality. That's where long suffering comes in. This is the way that a husband and wife should treat one another. Again, not with verbal abuse or harshness, but tenderly and with kindness, especially when you don't agree with your spouse, with your mate. Let's take a look now at verse 13, another important quality in marriage. Bearing with one another. Sometimes, frankly, our spouses or our mates have characteristics that may grate on our nerves. It is so embedded in them. That is who and what they are. I'm not talking about sin. I'm talking about some, maybe a speech pattern, a habit they have, or something that might literally be irritating. It says, bearing with one another and forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. We need to forgive our spouses for their slights, for the irritations, for maybe the things that they say that hurt us, and not hold the garage. Our spouses may have opinions and qualities and traits that you will never agree with in this lifetime. And as long as they're not destructively sinful, bear with them. Forgive them, rather than harping or complaining that they're not just like us. Allow them the space to grow and change. You know, it could be that both of your opinions are wrong. People get in arguments over, you know, they see things black and white. It's either this way or this way, and oftentimes both perspectives are dead wrong. And accept that as a possibility.

You'll probably have less confrontation with one another. Allow your mate the space to grow and change. It could be, again, that all of our opinions in our marital arguments and discussions are wrong. Let go of your mates' irritations and flaws, and don't throw their mistakes of their past into their face.

Like I try to emphasize before, every Passover season, we come to the Passover and we say, God, please forgive me in each of every sin that I have committed.

Don't wait. And Jesus Christ said in Lord's Prayer that He will forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive others of their trespasses. That includes our spouse.

So please don't dig up something that happened ten years ago at the inappropriate time and throw it in their face. Forgiveness means that we let it go.

We may not be able to forget it, but forgiveness means that we let it go.

We don't let it fester. We don't look for an opportune time to dig it up and throw it at them.

We just let it go and we move on. And we are forgiving. Verse 14, But above all these things put on love. Why? Because love covers a multitude of sins, doesn't it?

It's love that helps us to bear with one another. It's love that helps us to quickly forgive one another and love one another in spite of the things that go on. Put on love, which is the bond of perfection, and let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in hymns and psalms and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Are we thankful for our spouse? I think I've told you before of a particular funeral that I did about five years ago. I was in a... after this service, I do what I usually do. I hang around and I watch them put the inside of the coffin, and they usually, the spouse comes up and they give the spouse the jewelry, and they... there's an apron around the coffin, and what they do is they fold that all on the inside, and then they close the lid, and they have a crank. They put a little lock in there, and they crank it down, and that seals the coffin. They do all that outside of everyone's sight, but I always stay in there just to make sure I do that, to represent the spouse, that everything's okay, that they don't take something out of the coffin.

It was meant to remain in there, and this particular woman who had been married to her husband for many years was just devastated. I mean, she broke down. She couldn't take it. He is gone, and there will come a time when your spouse will be gone. We're all physical human beings. That's just the way we're made. We are made to have a particular lifespan, and then we're gone.

So the key is today. Be thankful for your mate. Be thankful for your spouse. Glean the most that you can out of each day. Cherish them. Build your relationship with one another. Cherish the moments and the memories that you have right now, because those moments and memories aren't going to last forever. That is so important. And he continues here after saying, giving thanks to God the Father through him, that is through Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord.

And I want to mention to men that you cannot force your wife to submit. Only she can choose to do that.

It's important, wives, because there are difficult decisions in a family that have to be made.

And God designed it so that it only has one head. Anything in nature that has two heads is a freak.

Yes, I know, you can go to Coney Island and you can see in a pickle jar the two-headed snake, the two-headed goat, right? But you know what? Those were freaks of nature. Those are not what the Creator designed. When push comes to shove in the most difficult and crucial decisions have to be made in a family, there is one head. And that has been designated by Jesus Christ to be the husband. And what your husband needs, first of all, what he should do before he makes any of those decisions, is he certainly should survey your input. And he should ask you how you feel, and he should, you know, he's a good man, he should do research, and he should think about all the ramifications, all the repercussions of the difficult decision he's about to make. But ultimately, he's got to make a decision, and God has appointed him to do that. And you know what he needs when he makes that decision? He needs your support. He doesn't need you questioning at every step of the way five minutes, so, well, I told you not to know he doesn't need that. He needs your encouragement and your support. And if he makes a decision, it blows up in his face. More than ever, he needs your encouragement and your support. And hopefully he'll live and learn through that mistake, and be a better husband next time. But God designed the process so that wives should submit to their husbands, again, especially in the most difficult decisions in life. Verse 19, In Colossians chapter 3, Paul is giving us the keys to have peace and marriage in our relationships.

I'm just going to give you a quick recap, paraphrase, some of the things we just read in Colossians 3.

Number one, he talks about how he's going to be a better person. He's going to be a better person.

Some of the things we just read in Colossians 3. Number one, he talks about positive and respectful communication. That was verse 8. He talked about changing and renewing yourself, not your mate.

He talks about that in verse 10. He talks about treating your spouse as an elect child of God in your approach, the way that you communicate with your spouse. That's verse 12. He talks about bearing with their weaknesses, shortcomings, and forgiving them of their imperfections. That's verse 13. First and foremost, loving them with thankfulness for who they are. He says, love is the bond of perfection that overlooks imperfections in the same way that God's love towards us overlooks all of our imperfections. And then the sixth thing he mentions, finally, allowing the word of Christ to be your mutual value system and pattern of conduct. A good marriage should not be based on totally what a husband thinks or what a wife thinks. The important decision should be based on what does God think. This should be our value system, not our culture, not the way we were raised in the city of Cleveland in the 50s. That wasn't a very healthy value system, I might add. Our value system should be based on love, on mutual respect and caring and nurturing one another, and that all comes out of this book. Point number seven. Our final point, make God the core and center of your marriage. Make God the core and center of your marriage.

First Peter, chapter three, verse one. First Peter, chapter three and verse one.

Unfortunately, we have too many marriages again, as I mentioned earlier, that there seems to be a competition for control of the relationship. Here's who should control our relationship.

That is Jesus Christ. It's not the husband's responsibility or job to control the relationship.

He's just going to make his spouse bitter. It's not his spouse's job to control her husband.

And as I mentioned last time, sadly there's just something about the female mind that has been deluded to believe that, I can change my man.

Trust me, there is nothing sillier than the thought that you can change your man.

You can't do it. He can only change himself. And hopefully, with the power of God's Spirit in him, he can make those changes. But lecturing him isn't going to change him. He's just going to dig his heels in and be more adamant because he's going to grow resentful of your lecturing.

Lecturing won't do it. Nagging won't do it. Complaining won't do it. Only Jesus Christ can do it within him through the power of his Holy Spirit. 1 Peter 3, verse 1. Wives, like wines, be submissive to your own husbands. We just read about that. We talked about submissiveness in the book of Colossians, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. So he's saying, be such an incredible example that without showing someone literature, without lecturing them about the Sabbath or all of these things, that by the transformation of your life, that your spouse says, wow, this person is different. This is not the person I married. This person is transforming into someone who's actually kind and actually treats me with respect and dignity and loves me. Wow! What Peter is saying here is that's the kind of an example that we can be. In contrast to, verse 2 here, when they observe your chase conduct accompanied by fear, meaning by doing what is right, do not let your ornament be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing of gold, or putting on fine apparel. I mean, that's okay, but he says, your level of spiritual maturity should not be nice clothes, rings, jewelry, the way your hair looks, the latest fashion. But rather, verse 4, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Not a loud spirit, not a dominating spirit, not a know-it-all spirit, but the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands.

As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good, and are not afraid with any terror again, and are not afraid, it should be better translated, to do what is right.

So, women, it's about what's on the inside that's important. Treating your husband with respect and dignity. Now, you don't literally have to call him Lord. I don't think my wife, in a few moments of anger, she might have called me LARD a few times, but she's never called me Lord.

And, husband, we have to be so careful not to be critical of our wives. I like to say that don't ever complain about your wives' weaknesses, because it's those very weaknesses that probably stopped her from finding a better husband. Alright, so don't be critical of your wife's weaknesses. Now, let's pick it up here in verse 7. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them, with understanding. In other words, understand where they're coming from. Their mind is wired to be different than ours. And that is good, because they see life from a more compassionate and merciful perspective, usually than we men do, who think we can solve everything by a sword in a club. Women look at life from a different perspective. So dwell with them with understanding. Take the time to know where they're coming from, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. If you're fortunate enough to have a mate in the faith, you are blessed with being able to have Christ as the center of your marriage. And that's really the best marriage anyone could possibly have. It's where Jesus Christ is in the center of that relationship.

When that occurs, you can discuss spiritual topics, you can worship together, you can pray and study together, share spiritual goals. And if you're fortunate enough that you're mate again is in the church, don't neglect the opportunity you have by being heirs together.

But when you make God the core of your life, you desire to serve your mate as you do God. And that's what makes for a great marriage as well. When you realize that my job is to serve my mate, my mate's job is to serve me, and together we will serve Jesus Christ, you're going to have a marriage that's hitting all cylinders, a marriage that's rich and balanced, in which there is little room for conflict. If everyone has an attitude of service and respect and love, there is little room for conflict. Look for ways to please your spouse and put their needs above your own. You'll be amazed how many problems that will solve. Well, in conclusion, good and bad marriages face the same problems and challenges. Every marriage faces literally the same problems and challenges.

They aren't that complex. They're usually centered around sex, how much or how little, money, how much or how little, or who's going to control and dominate this relationship. That's usually the three major...everything else stems from those three issues in most marriages. They all face the same problems and challenges. The only difference is that good marriages work constantly to overcome their problems and they don't seek a way of escape.

They don't give up on the relationship. They don't say, all right, well, I've just...I've decided to settle for second best. I could have had a gourmet meal, but I'll just eat dog food.

No, they're not...they don't have that attitude. They are determined to improve their marriages and for them to overcome their problems. A happy marriage doesn't pretend this problem's a way.

Pretending doesn't solve any issues or problems in life. But instead of productive marriage, diligently works to clean up its problems and to eliminate them. It's a process of continual improvement. If you're struggling with marriage issues, they won't get better tomorrow. They won't get better overnight. But if you start adding these ingredients in your relationship, your marriage will be far more balanced. You'll get more fulfillment from your relationship with your spouse. Anything worth having in this life requires good old-fashioned hard work to achieve it. And the same is true of our relationships with our mates. You have to work hard at it. If you want to have a marriage that works, you have to be willing to be committed and to make the changes in yourself. And make the changes in yourself and just rely on God's Spirit to help you to do that. Pray for your mate. Encourage them and pray, maybe, that God's Spirit will help them to see where they can change and grow and your marriage will get better. Hebrews chapter 13 states that marriage is honorable among all. Let's make our marriage honorable. Let's be lights and examples to this world, a world, unfortunately, that devalues the institution of marriages. Of all people on earth, in our marriages, let's allow our lights to shine.

Have a good Sabbath.