The Proverbs 31 Man

Today we have the Women's Enrichment Weekend. We just had services in the morning there. And the theme has to do with navigating life through godly wisdom. That's the theme that they'll be focusing on. And a common theme during these women's weekends has to do with Proverbs 31, Woman. As I had mentioned in the announcements, God considers the man and the woman made in His image. And so here in Proverbs 31, He has the ideal roles for a woman. And certainly there are very high ideals. And I'd just like to go through some of these roles that the woman has in Proverbs 31, starting in verse 10.

It says, Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands. She's like a merchant, ships. She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She considers a field and buys it. From her profit, she plants a vineyard.

She girds herself with strength and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good and her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the distaff and her hand holds the spindle. And again, all of these are skills that she has developed.

She extends her hand to the poor. Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of snow for her household. For all her household is clothed with scarlet. She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them and supplies sashes for the merchants. Strength and honor are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also and he praises her. Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands and let her own works praise her in the gates. So that's quite a skill set that is set up there.

And so a woman, when she knows the ways of God, these are the marching orders. And it's as applicable then as it is now. So what I want to do, because mostly there are men here, I want to talk to you about the other side of the coin, the opposite side, which is the Proverbs 31, man. So let's go again to Proverbs 31, 10, where a husband is asking the question, who can find a virtuous wife for her worth is far above rubies, which was one of the most precious jewels in those days. In the ESV version, it says, an excellent wife, who can find?

She is far more precious than jewels. The Amplified version says, an excellent woman, one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous, who is he who can find her? Her value is more precious than jewels, and her worth is far above rubies or pearls. So here we see Proverbs 31, man greatly appreciates her service, her love and labor toward him, his family, and others, and in particular, the brethren, and does not take any of this for granted.

The Proverbs 31 man is one that is so thankful of the person that he has had his side. In Proverbs 12, verse 4, let's go to Proverbs 12, verse 4. It says, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones. Another version, the Bible in basic English, puts it, a woman of virtue is a crown to her husband, but she whose behavior is a cause of shame is like a wasting disease in his bones.

So a woman can build up a home, or she can undermine a home. She's so central to it. So saying, when mama's happy, everybody's happy. When mama is sad or depressed, everybody gets depressed, because she just has so many fingers in every one of the activities going on there. Notice in Proverbs 14, verse 1, it says, the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. So although she's not the head of the household, she is the centerpiece of domestic life, and she can either edify the house or she can destroy it. So a woman should never take her role for granted. And everyone, everyone married will have some rough patches along the way.

But what's most important in the long run is to end with a happy marriage. What a blessing that is. Now, of course, I'm talking about people that are able to do so, because you can't do the other part. But if both are working, if they both love God and are following Him, it makes things so much better. So the first point is that the Proverbs 31 man greatly values his wife.

The second point is that Proverbs 31 man creates a culture in the home where all can flourish. Proverbs 31 man creates a culture in the home where all can flourish. It's interesting that in English the term husband is also used as a verb for husbanding. You're cultivating something. You can husband your garden. You can take care of it.

It comes from a Nordic term about a man who works and cultivates in his home what the Prodice is. So that has to do with a culture of cultivating the home. You work at it. You create the right soil. Children are like plants that can grow in the proper soil. We can't live their lives, but we can certainly provide the soil that is fertile and water and help that little plant grow strong and produce good fruit. So here in Proverbs 31 verse 11 it says, The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

So because you have a culture of trust in the home, the man is not suspicious of her always checking up and doubting her. And he doesn't disparage or disregard her ideas. She contributes to the ideas, the projects. He supports, encourages, and does not micromanage her. I've seen cases when we were pastoring a church over in Latin America where the man sometimes can be the macho type.

His poor wife didn't leave her alone in the kitchen. He had to be there and say, well, this is the way you should do this, and this is the way you should do that. The poor lady, she was being handpicked by a rooster and just putting her down.

And of course she felt humiliated because she wants to run the kitchen, not the husband. So you can't be a micromanager and be that Proverbs 31 type of a man. He shares the decision-making with her, and they both have their fear as fear of influence in the family. He can dedicate himself to his job knowing that she will be doing her part. That's so wonderful. As compared to having a pilot and a co-pilot in the plane, I always wanted to have a wife that if something happened to me, she had the skills to be able to have the family take care of it, support it, and continue.

So I didn't want just a stewardess aboard that looked nice and everything and could entertain, but had no idea how to run the plane. And so it's wonderful when you know I can trust her. And if she has to take care, if I have a crippling disease and I can't do it, she's going to step up to the plate.

She has the skills and the ability to continue to bring the family forward. Notice in Proverbs 31, verse 17, it says, She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. So we're not talking about a lady that just is concerned about her looks and spends all day on that, but she's out there helping make the family prosper. And she can work hard. She has strength, makes her arms strong, especially in those days when they didn't have all these electrical machineries that we have.

They had to basically cook from scratch, clean clothes. They'd have to go down to the creek and be out there with some type of a board and be able to get the clothes clean and do housework, take care of so many different things, the clothing. And it's too bad that women many times do not want to cultivate those abilities to be able to sew properly, to fix whatever needs to be mended. And I know I appreciate my wife that when she was a girl, she made her own clothes over there in Chile, because they didn't have much money.

And so she had her little patterns, and she made a lot of her own clothing. So up to today, we had one of our little pillows that we used on these long trips, and it ripped the area where you hook to close it. And I wouldn't know how to do that. Well, she always carries her little needle and repair kit, and she just fixed that. That thing was strong as ever. She saved us all that money to have to purchase something else.

And so, again, there are so many useful things, and the husband creates a culture where the wife can flourish and feel. She is respected, and she's able to make decisions.

Now, I don't tell my wife what kind of a dishwasher she needs, or a washing machine. I don't go there and say, well, I like this one. Yeah, sure. She's the one that has to be there every day. She knows that a lot better than I do. That's her area. And so, you let the wife run the area that she is in charge of. I don't tell her what kind of vacuum cleaner she needs or things like that.

And so, we go to the third point. In Proverbs 31, man is an encourager, not a discourager. In Proverbs 31, verse 28 and 29, it says, Her children rise up and call her blessed, Her husband also, and he praises her. Many women, he says, have done excellently, but you surpass them all. He's so appreciative of the wife that he has, because it's very easy for the wife to just feel she's cooped up in the house, and nobody really appreciates so much of what she does. But here we see that her husband praises her. This is a home with a safe and positive environment, an environment that breeds success, a place of encouragement and a culture of love. I know it sounds a little corny, but I'll tell you nothing corny about that. It takes a whole lifetime to learn how to do that. Again, I bring up the story of the two ships by Dr. Van Lismann. We have Lee, who is the oldest son of Van Lismann. We had a family Christian club, which men and women could give speeches about family, life, and trips they've taken, and all that. Dr. Lismann gave a speech, probably lasted like eight minutes. I still haven't forgotten it. How many remember Van Lismann's speech? Anybody at all? Okay, Roy. He was a soldier in World War II, and he was a Navy man. They put him in one of these big cruiser ships, just huge. When he came aboard, they said to him, Welcome, you're on a happy ship. Well, he says he kind of puzzled, and what do you mean, a happy ship? He was there for three months, and he understood. He said, Everybody, from those in charge, and the pilots, and the captain's quarters, all the way down, they were all encouraging, helping. You see people joke around, and help each other. He said it was a delight. Unfortunately, they transferred him to another one of these big cruiser, same type of ships. When he got aboard, they said, Well, this is an unhappy ship. He said, I wonder why? It started from the top down. They were always scolding everybody. Nobody could do things right. Things just never could be worked out as the captain wanted. He was so demanding of everybody. Everybody felt depressed and discouraged. The lesson is, don't blame the crew. If you're part of the officers, you are responsible for the atmosphere you create on that ship. Don't blame anybody else. It's the husband and the wife who are responsible for the atmosphere of their home. And you'll see, the kids will adapt to either a happy or an unhappy home.

In Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25, Ephesians 5, verse 25 we see, who is the perfect husband that cultivates.

Verse 25, it says, Husbands, love your wives. And as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Christ is the perfect husband. He's a perfect Proverbs 31 man. So, he loved the church and gave himself for her. He gave his life. That he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word. So, it's talking about God's Word here. And we know the washing of the water, first of all, has to do with baptism. But then afterwards, it has to do with helping her become a better woman. Helping her with her faults. You work with them. Christ works with all of us, with our faults. With the washing of the water by the Word. That he might present her to himself a glorious church. Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. But that she should be holy and without blemish. Now, only through the sacrifice of Christ can he do that. Can we do that? But we have a part to do it. As a wife. As a future wife of Jesus Christ. We allow him to cleanse us. So that the end result is this. That she should be holy and without blemish. He's going to perfect us. Again, I always have illustrations because my mind works like that. With pictures and images. From the very start, when I started as a young man, this was like climbing the mountain of God. Kind of like the mountain of Everest. I don't know how to climb a mountain, but God says this is what you have to do. And so it is the mountain of knowledge of God, of how to apply it in your life. And so you start climbing and you start learning how to properly climb. There are times when there are big boulders in the way and you have to figure out how to go around them. Sometimes there's a plateau. You're not going to grow very much at that time. There might be some times you have to roll down a bit. But God says what counts is how high you get up there. Because you're never going to make it to the top. Only God the Father and Jesus Christ are at the top. But they want to see how much we can get up there. And then, in the resurrection, He'll pull us all the way up and we'll be there with Him. We will be without spot, without blemish. But He's not going to do it if we're stuck at the bottom and we haven't done anything to grow spiritually during our lives. That we're basically just like we were at baptism. Or just slightly more, which is the parable of the talents. God gives us His Holy Spirit. He gives us gifts along with it. And then we go and say, well, hey, I hung in there. I'm still in the church. Christ is going to say, well, what kind of growth did you have? I see that you still are like a little infant. You haven't matured spiritually. You don't know how to handle God's Word properly and to apply it. And so this is what Christ is doing with all of us.

And then we go to the last point, the final praise. The result of this long life. So at the end, this is what that admiring husband says to her. As her children rise up and call her blessed, that's a great accomplishment. Remember, you've probably seen me give that chart of the three different goals for children. The first one is when they are at the start, they are 100 percent dependent on the father and mother. Because they wouldn't even survive one day without the mother's milk and maybe the father's protection. So they are 100 percent dependent. And it is the father and mother's role to help them grow and mature to where around the age of 11, they can handle about 50 percent of their role. They are 50 percent independent and 50 percent dependent. And somewhere around 2021, finally they reach the goal where they can become independent and grow and develop. That's only the second stage. The greatest stage is still ahead, which is to become interdependent, where they grow as mature children, but now they're part of the family, but it's not because they're dependent. No, they are independent, but they have chosen to be interdependent. You see, you're all working as a team now with every talent, every ability to develop the whole. It's like an orchestra now. Everybody has a role to play. And so here, her husband, the children call her blessed. And the husband says, he praises her. Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all. Well, the husband has a role. The wife has a role. And it's fantastic when they're working together as a team, supporting each other. I enjoy so much being with my wife in these trips because she's there for the ladies. I can't do the things she does with the ladies. They feel comfortable with her. They feel she's one of them. She's not this stern minister. I know they're out there. They're having a good time. Remember my wife, we started Women's Weekend back in like 19, probably 86 or 87. We just said, we want the ladies to have a wonderful time. And we had this place in the beach that we had rented. We sort of had what they call a stock part that you have these... It's not a timeshare as much because we owned a part of it. And we had two weeks during the year that we could have this cabin, and we would use these cabins for the Feast of Tabernacles every year. It was cheaper than having to rent from them. You're part of the partnership now. And so we said, well, we got these two weeks and besides the Feast, let's have a weekend. And so we set it up and we had like 100 ladies go to it in these cabins, and they had kind of a meeting place. It's all by the beach. It's all sand dunes. And I remember I gave the sermon in the morning and then in the afternoon, I went to the services for the men in the afternoon, and I hightailed it out of there with 100 ladies. And I remember they had a kind of a bingo night, but they didn't use money. They used beans, you know, little beans to cover the bingos. And she said after a while, the ladies started throwing beans at each other, you know, and everybody was just like ladies along with my wife. She knows how to let her hair down when she needs to, but it endeared everybody because she's down to earth and everything else. And I appreciate that. I don't have a stewardess for a wife. I have a copilot. She is just such a big help in that way.

It says in Proverbs 19 verse 14. Proverbs 19 and verse 14. And believe me, we are nothing. I'm not saying these things because we're special. I'm nothing. But guess what? God in me is something. If God is working in us, we can be something before God. In Proverbs 19 verse 14, it says, houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. I like the way the Passion translation puts it. You can inherit houses and land from your parents, but a good wife only comes as a gracious gift from God.

So God should get the credit for the gift He gives to the husband, who is the one who puts Him first in his life. You just walk by faith. God will find the right person at the right time, if that's what He has in mind for you.

And we should give God all the credit. It says here, it comes from her. He'll open opportunities. In 1 Peter chapter 3, in verse 7, we develop it further. It says, husbands likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Now Peter said a mouthful there. That's a whole lifetime of being with his wife, serving God, having all kinds of adventures and persecutions. And his wife accompanied him many times, as it says in 1 Corinthians 9.

Paul says, don't we have the right like Paul, like Peter has? To have a wife to accompany us? In the good news Bible version, it says, in the same way you husbands must have, must live with your wives with the proper understanding that they are more delicate than you. Treat them with respect, because they also will receive, together with you, God's gift of life. Do this so that nothing will interfere with your prayers. So let's break this down in four points here that Peter gives.

First, it says, dwell with them with understanding. Yes, you have to understand a woman thinks acts differently than a man. You can't treat her like a man. You have to treat her like a woman, who is going to have to be patient. You're not going to be so demanding. It says, with understanding. Second, it says, giving her honor, as she's more delicate and fragile, emotionally and physically. So again, you give her honor as a woman. Don't think she has to be like a man.

And certainly a woman should not think a man, her husband, should be like a woman. It's very important to understand, yes, men are from Mars and women are from Venus, and you have to understand their side of things, as well as your side. And it says, they will be heirs together of the grace of life. It's very well put in 1 Peter 3.7. Let's go there.

Let's read from the New King James Version, which is our favorite version, because it's very close to the original languages of Hebrew and Aramaic in the Old Testament and Greek in the New Testament. It's very close. It's not going to embellish things in 1 Peter 3, verse 7. It says, and as being heirs together of the grace of life. Some translations have them as co-heirs, but the thing is that it means both a man and a woman have the same inheritance in God's kingdom. They are not sub-heirs. They're not second-class. They are co-heirs, and you should respect the wife she's pursuing, entering the kingdom of God just as much as we are, as men.

And finally, the heirs together, of course, of that future kingdom and eternal life. I want my wife to be in God's kingdom more than anything else, because that's my biggest responsibility, to help her make it to that first resurrection. And I have different standards. I don't expect her to have my standards.

She has her own standards. She doesn't expect me to have her own standards. Each one has to stand or fall on their spiritual development. And then it says, that your prayers may not be hindered. So, if we don't get along in the home, our prayer life is going to be disturbed. You're not going to have the peace of mind, and you're not going to have the mental quietness that you need to be able to properly pray.

I have another analogy, which are the four legs of the table. You need four elements to have a table, which will withstand the pressures. You can put something on the table if you have four strong legs. And those are, first of all, our relationship with God. That's the first of the legs. Secondly, it's our relationship with our family and wife. Thirdly, our relationship with the church.

And, fourthly, it's our relationship with our kingdom, the kingdom that's going. We have to make it there. We have to cross the finish line. And so, if we've got a big leg, it has to do with God's relationship, and, yeah, we're strong there. Maybe we're strong with the church. And maybe we're strong as far as preparing for the kingdom. But if our family life is where we've got a very weak leg, that's where the table is going to break. And so, it's important that we strengthen that leg. So, as we all long to fulfill those that are men or women, Proverbs 31 talks to each of us. We can either be the Proverbs 31 woman, or in the man's case, the Proverbs 31 man. Let's stay close to God and put these principles into practice.