What is Mature Christian Womanhood?

Well, thank you, Women's Ensemble. Very beautiful. Thank you so much for adding that to Sabbath Services, one of my favorite hymns, and always appreciate having special music. It adds so much to our worship. Well, I've actually got two sermons today, and I don't know which one to give.

This was the original that I had about mature Christian womanhood. It's kind of the unedited version. It's a little bit raw in places. It's kind of strong meat. A couple weeks ago, someone came to me and said, Mr. T! She said, if I give you 50 bucks, will you take it easy on the women in the next sermon? So I took this sermon, and I created a kinder, gentler version. Look at it closely. You can see some of the ink, and some things are added. Some things are crossed out.

I just really don't know which one of these two to give, even though the 50 dollars never showed up.

So I guess to paraphrase the ichor of the House of Representatives, but I don't know.

Last time, I gave a sermon on spiritually mature Christian manhood.

We looked at some scriptures, and I agree some of them were strong, and some of the men told me that some of the things that I said were a little bit on the strong side, and I don't usually give sermons like this, but if you ever hear anything that you feel comes across as strong, I can only say to you what a handsome prince once said to Cinderella, and that is, honey, if the shoe fits, wear it. So we looked at some practical Christian living principles for men, the use in viewing their role as godly men, and I spoke candidly about some of the myths and errors in our culture, about what some people think is manhood today, in contrast to what the Bible reveals. Well, today, I would like to discuss the spiritually mature Christian woman, and again, some things that I say may be a little strong, and I hope you, when, if I say these things, and if you feel that way, that you will take it as it's intended, it truly is intended, is some things that I think need to be said. I need to be open and frank about some things, and I do this because even though most women in the church would not call themselves feminists, in essence, some are, judging by the way they treat their husbands, and some of the things that I hear, and I think that's kind of sad, and that's why I want to address some things today. There is no doubt that the history of humanity has been abusive to women. No doubt, if you look at any culture, I don't care Western culture, Eastern culture, African culture, Native American cultures, history has been very abusive to women. Even today, you look in areas of the world where women are forced to wear burkas, basically, or they're just outfits, hot, heavy outfits, cover virtually every part of their body except little eye slits for them to look through. Other areas of the world, women wear lip plates. They stretch their lips around plates until their bottom lip is about 12 inches in diameter because that's considered beautiful. Some areas of the world, women put rings around their necks and they stretch their necks out very long because, again, that is considered beautiful. I was stunned to read yesterday that the nation of Germany, which I would think is a fairly civilized nation, the nation of Germany has 60,000 women who have been subjected to female mutilation. 60,000 in a civilized nation like Germany because of immigration. Not native Germans doing that, but because of immigration from other areas of the world. So, I'd like to strip away the cultural biases, the abuses, and I'd like to go back to the core of what the scriptures tell us about the difference between a man and a woman and a husband and a wife and see what God says about our functions, our very important functions in this world. Let's go to Genesis chapter 2 if you'll turn there with me. Genesis chapter 2 in verse 18. We'll try to go through some verses here in Genesis rather quickly, but I think they need to be said and we need to understand what God created us to be, the functions and rules that God created us to be, because God created men and women with different functions. That does not mean that one is better or superior than the other. It means their functions are different, and I know in a nation that is obsessive compulsive with everyone's rights, no matter how deviant and perverse, no matter how small the population has of a particular dysfunction, that suddenly everyone has constitutional rights that are not mentioned in any constitution. We live in that kind of a culture, and it indeed does affect us in many ways. Genesis chapter 2 in verse 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. Very powerful statement. Why? Because everything else God had done, he said, was good. Each day, he said, it was good.

Each day of creation, when it's all done, he says, it's very good. And then we come here, and looking at pathetic Adam, man, all alone without a companion, he said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him, something that's compares to him, something just like him. For out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave the names to all cattle, the birds of the air, and every beast of the field. It's interesting that God had said, I'm going to give you dominion. God does not intervene and change one name. Whatever Adam calls all of these birds and animals and everything, that's okay with God, because he had given dominion to Adam to be able to do those kinds of things. But for Adam, there was not found a helper comparable to him. In the midst of God's good creation, you notice that Adam is alone and incomplete, and God declared that his aloneness was not good. He said, I'm going to provide a helper. That's a Hebrew word, azer, a helper, someone who's comparable, just like him. Now, rather than being a demeaning term, the term helper, the same word helper is used to describe God. In Psalm chapter 33 and verse 20, God is our helper. So there's nothing demeaning. It doesn't mean that one is less than, simply because they're a helper. The word describes a function or role, not your worth. God gave Adam to have one role.

And he gave Eve to have another role. One does not lose value as a person by humbly assuming the role of a helper. Jesus came to earth as the role of a helper. He's called a helper in the New Testament. He promised us his Holy Spirit, which he referred to as a helper in the New Testament. So again, the Hebrew word here for helper is azer. And the root of this word means, usually what a helper means from the original Hebrew, to surround, protect, to promote, to aid.

Very, very important phrases for being a helper. If you're not married, because we're going to talk about, obviously, for a little while, at least here Adam and Eve, being husband and wife. If you're not married, if you're single at this point in your life, or if you're a young teenager, you have been created to function as a helper, as well. Help your parents, your grandparents, your siblings, your mom, your nieces, your nephews, to help the seniors in the church. So it's a very important role that God knew that Adam would need a helper. He would need someone who was sensitive.

He needed someone biologically who could be a great caregiver, because by nature, most men are mediocre caregivers. Sorry, that's just the reality of it. Women, because of their biology, are more nurturing. Most, not all, but most, are more compassionate. Most have more of a caring desire to help, genuinely help, sacrificially than men typically do. Again, I realize, of course, that there are exceptions. Let's take a look at verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs, and he closed up the flesh in his place, then the rib which the Lord God had taken out of the man he made unto a woman, and he brought her to the man. So we see here that the woman was formed from the man himself, making her of like nature to man, of the same flesh as Adam, same blood, having equal facilities and faculties. She, too, therefore, was made in the image of God, just like he had been. She is inseparably united with the man by this mode of creation, which becomes the actual foundation of the marriage relationship. She's not taken from his skull to rule over him. She's not taken from his foot, so that she can be walked over. She's taken from his side to be his co-equal partner throughout his lifetime. Verse 23. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She literally came from me. I'm created in the image of God, therefore she is as much created in the image of God as I am. Continuing, she shall be called woman or Yeshua because she was taken out of man, is she? See how close those Hebrew words are between man and woman? Yeshua and is she?

Woman and man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And biologically, through the act of procreation, that's exactly what a man and a woman does. They become one flesh. The man and woman united together are intended to create a brand new family unit. Not an extension of some previous generation, not an extension of someone else's family. They are intended to come together and create a brand new family unit. It's their turn to do that. This verse emphasizes the complete identification of two unique personalities in a marriage. The passage tells us that God instituted marriage, and that marriage is supposed to be monogamous, heterosexual, and the complete emotional, physical, and spiritual union of one male and one female. Now, it doesn't take long before that is violated. As soon as Cain comes along, he introduces polygamy into the human culture. However, scripture reveals that Adam and Eve were exclusive to one another. This relationship they had, one man, one woman, was what God originally intended. Now, God allows a lot of things that are against his will and what his desires are. He allowed polygamy. He allows incest that occurs. Lightning doesn't come out of heaven and kill people immediately. There are a lot of things God allows that are against his will. He allows adultery. He allows fornication. He allows homosexuality. He allows these things to occur, but that doesn't mean that he agrees with sin.

That doesn't mean it's okay. That doesn't mean he endorses those things. As Jesus himself said in Matthew 19, verse 8, the question came up regarding divorce. Jesus said, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts permitted you to divorce your wives. He says, divorce God allowed as a provision because we're carnal. We make mistakes. We don't do things perfectly. Because of that, God, in his great compassion, permitted divorce. But Jesus continued, but from the beginning it was not so. In the beginning, God created one man and one woman, and his intention, his will, was that they would live together for a lifetime. So God's will and ideal is what he established at creation, not any human deviations that follow throughout human history. And that's why I tell folks, if you want to study the qualities of a good Christian marriage, I never recommend that you study King David or Abraham. They might have been men of great character in some ways, courage and spiritual strength in certain areas, but certainly don't study them for their marital habits or how many wives they had or their relationships with their children. Because in many cases it was highly dysfunctional and not something that we would want to model in the Church of God. So if we remove any cultural bias, this is what the Scriptures tell us about womanhood, that she was created to be a helper. She was created as a distinct and valued creation of God, and since she comes from someone created in the image of God, she, too, is in God's image, with all the intellectual and spiritual potential that Adam had. The second thing we learn from these verses is that as man's helper, meaning an encouragement or an inspiration, the woman is the perfect counterpart of man, possessing neither inferiority nor superiority, but being like an equal in personhood, but uniquely different in her function. Due to biological differences, she's usually a nest builder rather than an aggressive hunter. That, again, is the French say viva la difference, right? Long live the difference. That are the difference in the biology and in the chemical compositions within our brains, including our hormones and other things, that women tend to be nest builders, nurturers, and men tend to be more aggressive. She provides a healthy balance to counteract men's tendency sometimes to go to extremes. Most women, by their very nature, tend to be better caregivers than men. The third thing we can learn from the scriptures we just read, that as man's partner in the divinely assigned gift of sexuality in order to express love, woman was created so that man could fulfill his biological needs and express love and assure the continuation of the human race. That's in chapter 1 and verse 28. And the fourth thing that we learn from these scriptures, as woman was created as man's best friend to offer comfort and close friendship. So that's what a helper is. That's what a helper does. These are the kind of things that being a spiritually mature Christian woman are all about. What a helper does not do is try to mold their husband into their own image. Some women try to do that. Some women live in the delusion that they can fix their husbands. And if they just harangue at them long enough, lecture at them long enough that they can change their husbands as a myth to believe that you can change your spouse or your boyfriend. You know how many psychologists it takes to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb really has to want to change. And the same is true of men. A man, in order to change anything in his life, really wants to have to change. And hopefully, as through life experiences and other things, a man gets to that point that he begins making the necessary changes he needs to make in his life. But harping and nagging and whining is frankly not being very helpful. Being totally dependent on a male to do the things you simply don't want to do but should is not being very helpful. Being dependent on a male for your happiness, I've heard that one before, is not very helpful. Some women who, again, live in the delusion that they can change their husbands and they say, hey, I'm making progress. He's becoming more docile. I've been lecturing at him for years and I've been nagging him to change and I think it's beginning to work because he's becoming more docile. Well, consider the fact that maybe he's just tuning out.

Maybe he just can't take it anymore. Maybe he's just giving up and he's going to become distant and isolated in your relationship. Maybe he's just growing bitter. So here's a test question I'd like to ask every woman who is married today. Here's a test question. It's called the Helper Test Question. It can't include birthdays or anniversaries because those are culturally induced obligations by the card industry. So you can't include anniversaries of birthdays. When is the last time you told your husband how absolutely proud you are of him?

For all that he does and who he is.

Kind of quiet in here. See if this works.

You can hear the pin drop. So that's just a little test question to see how good we've been doing as being helpers.

Seldom showing appreciation or encouragement is not helping. It's hindering. You know, men have a great way of putting a facade on the outside from little boys. We're taught to be tough. Don't cry! Men don't cry! So we're real good at putting on this artificial facade on the outside. But you know what we really need inside? We need a supporter. We need an advocate. We need a partner. As wives, we need to spend more time complementing and encouraging our husbands rather than finding fault. Too many women, unfortunately today, tend to think they're in competition with their husbands rather than desiring to be helpers. And I overhear conversations that I find just like quite amusing. Statements like, well, I think it's supposed to hit the mid-70s today.

Well, actually, the weatherman said it's going to hit 76 degrees.

Really? It's this attitude of one-up. If you say something, I have to correct you. I have to tell you my opinion. I have to state my beliefs. Another one. In 1971, I was with, so, dear, I think it was 1972. Who cares? Most people who were alive then are dead anyway.

So what should we really bring up a year's difference in something that happened 40-something years ago? Is it really that important?

I think it's really important for us to understand that we're not helping when we challenge every thought or idea that your spouse expresses when you feel the need to give your opinion on things that don't require an opinion for the sake of communication. Let's continue here in Genesis chapter 3 and verse 1 and see what happened. Because I believe that what we're going to read here gave a tendency of what could be an issue that has caused the great divide between men and women. Genesis chapter 3 and verse 1. Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made, and he said to the woman, just kind of interesting, that he doesn't talk to the man, that he approaches the woman. And why did he do that? Because he knew the quickest way to get to the man would be to talk to his companion, to talk to his buddy and his friend.

Said to the woman, Has God indeed said, You shall not eat of every tree of the garden? And the woman said to the serpent, We may eat of every fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God has said, You shall need it, nor shall you touch it, lest you die. Now she adds the word, touch it. God didn't say you couldn't touch it, but she adds that, and that's okay. This answer is actually pretty good. Satan tries to provide a negative.

I heard you can't do this, and she says, oh, we can do all this. We can do this and this and this, except for this one tree in the midst of the garden. So at this point, her answer is really pretty good. Then the serpent said to the woman, You will not surely die. Of course, that's a lie. She didn't die. They didn't die immediately, but both Adam and Eve eventually died. They're dead to this day. For God knows that in the day you eat, your eyes will be open and you will be like God, knowing good and evil. Now that's a half-truth. The difference between God is that he has character, and he knows the difference between good and evil, and he knows how to reject evil. Adam and Eve, they didn't have that understanding or wisdom that was like giving a gallon of gasoline and a lighter to them, to give them the knowledge of good and evil. They didn't have a chance. So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and it was pleasant to the eyes and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of the fruit and ate.

She takes a leadership role here. Ah, great! Watch this! So she takes the fruit and ate. And then what does she do? Here, Schmidley, eat this! And also gave to her husband with her, and he ate! He doesn't put up a whole lot of resistance here. He doesn't say, well honey, I think, don't you think that maybe we should talk about, eat! So the serpent lies and deceives the woman. It's interesting to note again that Eve took the lead in this action, and it was Adam whom equally followed. They sinned, and God had a prophecy for Eve. And this is a very interesting prophecy that can be translated in two different ways. Just as Genesis chapter 3 and verse 6. So the woman, he said, I will great multiply your sorrow in conception, and in pain you shall bring forth children in the garden of Eden with safety and security in God's presence. But outside of that garden, childbearing would now be painful.

It would be dangerous outside of the garden, and being withdrawn from God's blessings.

And he says something else here. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.

Now, this can be translated that a woman will longingly want to be married, and longingly want to be with her husband, and look up to him in admiration and in respect that he is her husband.

But it can also be translated a different way. First of all, this sin alienated the intimacy between God and Adam and Eve. And in the same way, this could be talking about destroying the intimacy between the man and the woman. Some scholars look at the Hebrew word for desire here, where it says your desire shall be for your husband. The word, Hebrew word, is teshkukah, and it means to sense of stretching out, of longing after, of having a deep desire.

It's the exact Hebrew word used in the very next chapter, chapter 4 and verse 7, describing sin trying to control Cain. It says in that verse, and its desire, same Hebrew word, is for you, that is sin, but you should rule over it. Some scholars believe that this verse can be translated thus. You were going to desire to rule over your husband like you just did, but instead he will rule over you. So instead of marriage being a respectful partnership, as was originally intended when God created Adam and Eve, this could be a prophecy that there would be conflict. There was going to be a war between the genders. There was going to be a constant struggle between men and women over leadership and who would make the decisions and who would rule the family. So this is a scripture here that I think should give us some food for thought.

Now let's go to the New Testament, Romans chapter 16 and verse 1. That's enough the Old Testament for a while. After all, we're talking about New Testament Christian women, so we've learned what we can from Genesis, from the original creation of Adam and Eve. Now let's take a look at some scriptures from the New Testament. Romans chapter 16 and verse 1. Paul writes, I commend to Eufeba our sister, he's writing to the congregation at Rome, who is a servant of the church in Centria, that you may receive her in the Lord in a manner worthy of the saints and assist her in whatever business she has need of you, for indeed she has been a helper of many and of myself also. Obviously a different Greek word, but he commends Phoebe for being a helper. This is actually the same Greek word in which we get the word from the New Testament deacon or deaconess.

We've always believed, because of what Paul wrote here, that she was a deaconess in the early New Testament church. Paul tells the Roman church to honor and respect her because she's a helper to many. That's her function. That's what she had been created by God to do.

There's no inferiority in that. There's no second-class citizen in that, unless we let a culture brainwash us to diminishing the role of being a helper. Let's see what Paul continues to say about the relationships of men and women. 1 Corinthians 7, verses 1 through 7. 1 Corinthians 7, verses 1 through 7. This is an interesting scripture, and I will try to cloak it as much as I can, knowing this is a family program. We have children in the audience. 1 Corinthians 7, verses 1. Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Now he states in verse 5, this is his opinion, because he thought, literally thought, it was the end of the world, and if Christ could come back shortly, he felt that marriage would be a distraction from getting ready and preparing yourself for the literal, imminent return of Jesus Christ. That's what he sincerely thought, and that's why he expresses that statement. Continuing, nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and each woman have her own husband. So he says, let marriage occur within the Church.

Let the husband render to his wife the affection to her, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband does. So the wife should say, I'm here to please you, and here to serve you in that way. And the same is true for the husband, and likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Verse 5, do not deprive one another, that is from romantic interludes, except for consent for a time. So again, what he's saying here is for romantic interludes, you should not deny or deprive one another, except for mutual consent for a time, that you may give yourselves the fasting and prayer and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. He knows that particularly the way that men are wired, they have specific needs, and those needs need to be met. He says in verse 6, but I say this as a concession. He's talking about a man and woman marrying, not as a commandment, for I wish that all men and women were even as myself, but each one has his own gift from God in one manner and another. So he reaffirms that his ideas about not marrying is simply his opinion. It's not a command. So here Paul states in verse 6 that it is better to be single than to be married in his opinion. However, he's a realist and he understands the natural physical needs of men and women. He mentions that to fulfill the normal conjugal needs of your spouse is your obligation.

He even gives an example of how long a couple should avoid marital relations. Again, if they're both healthy, he says a time to devote yourself to prayer. Well, I'm sure your husband has not been devoting himself to prayer and fasting for the last 30 days. So what Paul is implying here is regularly that men and women as husband and wife should be having romantic interludes.

Allow me to speak candidly about men. Unless your husband has low libido, unless he's on medication, or he's ill, or he's aged, or he's dead, he most typically is a highly sexual being. That's true of most men. We can't help it. That's the way God wired us. That's the way that the hormones affect us. It's the natural result of normal concentrations of testosterone.

Your husband has deep emotional and biological needs. And this need is so strong that every day around the world men spend millions of dollars to purchase someone's attention for only 30 minutes.

And they'll spend a lot of money to do that, to get someone's attention, affection, from another woman. Or they'll spend a lot of money to buy certain magazines, or to watch movies that they shouldn't be watching in order to satisfy those needs that they have. If he has to remind you how long it's been since you've had a romantic interlude, then you can probably be a better helper.

If he has to remind you that, honey, it's been 30 days, it's been six months, it's been since 1978, then you probably could be a better helper. If he's always the one to initiate romance, always the one to initiate romance, you could be a better helper. He needs to feel important. He needs to be approached by his companion, by his helper. He needs his esteem to feel good about the fact that she still finds me desirable, that I'm still important to her in her life. And most assuredly, denial should never ever be used as a weapon unless you want to destroy your relationship. I had a friend once, a very close friend of mine, who grew up in the church, then at Ambassador College. He became so bitter in his marriage relationship that he had a calendar. Having lunch with him one time, he pulls his calendar out of his pocket.

And in his this calendar had all the times he and his wife had romantic interlude. The day and the time. And you know, he's flipping, showing me sometimes 45, 60. This is a man who's 35 years old in the prime of life, showing me. And he was angry. And he obviously, their marriage failed. But he was angry because of their relationship and the lack of romance and the lack of taking care of what his obvious needs were as a man. Again, marital relations is so important to a man's esteem and respect. To avoid or ignore your husband's need is to avoid and ignore him. Because that's part of who and what he is. Men, again, unless they have low libido or on medication or ill-aged or dead, men have high sexual needs. We need to understand that. You know, even if you initiate romance with your spouse, and he says, no, okay, I tried. He says, no, that's fine. Give him that space. But you know what he's at least going to say to himself, she still finds me desirable. She still thinks that I'm the cat's meow. She still thinks I'm special. Let him live in that delusion. But at least occasionally make the offer so that he feels like he still has value, so that he feels like he's still got it. Like he's still important to you. Like you still find him attractive. I'd like to make a few comments about our post-Christian culture, the 21st century, and I think sometimes women just don't get some of these things. So I want to emphasize them. There's more women ever before in history in the workplace. Men spend more time with women in the workplace or office than they do usually with their wife at home. It's the nature of being someplace for a whole eight hours. Do we realize the change that that's made in our culture? Certainly different than when I entered the workforce in the early 70s and I was in construction and that was like 90% dominated by males. The whole world has changed dramatically since that time. Now, women are an essential part of the workplace. Women of every age, and this has led to increased promiscuity and unfaithfulness in marriage and the legendary office affairs and office relationships are very prominent in our world today. Another thing that has changed is the wedding ring. It used to be that a wedding ring was a telegraph that this man has taken off limits. He belongs to somebody else. There are women today who pray on married men.

They're looking for men who have a wedding ring on their finger. So, that signal that used to say something else doesn't say the same thing as it once did. Men experienced temptations and opportunities that are unparalleled in human history. As I said before, pornography is a click away on someone's tablet or PC. Men are saturated. They are inundated with pornography that saturates our culture. Most forms of our media and entertainment portray women as mindless sex objects. Oh, you don't you think that's an exaggeration? You don't think that's true?

Have you read about the recent Super Bowl halftime show?

You know, we can't have it both ways. We can't have a Me Too movement.

And then, on the other hand, portray women as nothing more than mindless sex objects and bimbos to satisfy men's pleasure. You cannot have it both ways. Peter writes, "...wives, likewise, be submissive to your husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." I'm going to read verse 2 from the New Century Version. Your husbands will see the pure lives you live with your respect for God. So, he's saying if your your mate is unconverted, your example can go a long way in bringing your mate into the truth. We have people sitting in this audience today who are here because their mates were called first.

And by the example of their mates, they followed a few years later.

So, Peter knows exactly what he's saying here. Verse 3, "...do not let your adornment be merely outward." Now, he's not going to condemn doing things to make ourselves look good. He's saying that our adornment shouldn't be merely exclusively, only outward. Arranging of the hair, nothing wrong with that. Wearing gold. Many of us have wedding rings on. Putting on fine apparel. Many of us try to dress up on the Sabbath day and our desire to honor God. But rather, let it be of the hidden person of the heart. Let it be adornment on the inside with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Not a spirit of competition. Not a spirit of one-up. You say this and I have to correct you in front of people or I have to spout my opinion to show that I know something you don't know. No, not in a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. In this manner, in former times, the hoping women trusted in God also adorned themselves on the inside. Being submissive, respecting, honoring, complimenting, encouraging their own husbands. This is the essence of a spiritually mature Christian woman. Her powerful example of faith influences everyone in her life. Paul talks here again about an inner beauty that includes a gentle and quiet spirit. This inner beauty is not demanding. It's not lecturing. It's not controlling. It's not the meaning. The inner beauty, Paul says, is what's most important of a gentle and quiet spirit. So, if you are married, don't forget that your spouse is human. He's physically inspired and aroused. We should do all that we can to be as appealing as we can to our spouses. This means cleanliness. It means combing our hair, brushing our teeth, wearing attractive clothes, along with an open heart and a sincere smile. Make ourselves pleasing to our spouses. We should make that effort. And please, never put yourself down in front of your mate. You just lift everyone else up when you put yourself down in front of your mate. I always find this scripture here, this verse, a gentle and quiet spirit. I find it interesting. Again, I'm a history nut. And the 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution was granted women the right to vote, a right known as women's suffrage. And it was ratified almost a hundred years ago. Women were given the right to vote. August 18, 1920. Now, I've read the historical background. I've actually studied the suffrage movement. And one of the justifications of giving women the right to vote and run for political office was the belief that women would bring civility and class the politics. Unlike men who are rude, insensitive, childish, it was believed that women would improve and refine harsh politics and make it civil.

I wonder what they were smoking.

Because it didn't work.

Verse 7, husbands likewise dwell with them. This is with your wife, your spouse, with understanding. Listen to them. Zip it up. Stephen Covey would say, seek first to understand.

And listen to them and hear them out, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel. I explained what that meant last time. It's not a derogatory term. Sometimes, weaker vessels are more precious and of greater value. Here's the thing I want to really emphasize today, though.

And being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. Christian wives are a spiritual partner with their husband. They're raising a family together. Hopefully, they're growing together. They are heirs together of the kingdom of God. It's a partnership, a fully equal, important partnership. In every religious tradition on earth, it doesn't matter whether we're talking about Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, primitive religions. I don't care what it is. In every religion on earth, women are recognized to be more faithful and consistent towards their religious beliefs. Even within a lot of church congregations, we have wives continuing to attend, though their husbands may not have attended. They tend to be more religious. They tend, by nature, to appreciate and feel emotionally the importance of belief in their lives. And that's something that our wives can help us with, men. We need to appreciate that. We're being called as heirs together, not as individuals, per se, though we have our own challenges and our own things to overcome and we're responsible for our own individual salvation. We're a team, husband and wife, pulling together, hopefully, in the same direction to achieve wonderful things in this physical life. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 32. Let's go there. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 32.

Speaking of marriage, Paul says, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his wife as himself and see that the wife that she respects her husband. Respecting someone isn't putting them down.

It's not talking about them behind their back to the other gals.

It's not contradicting them in public. It's not trying to one-up them every time they make a statement. A good and healthy marriage is a mutual admiration society where you both should be pulling each other up. Your spouse should come first. This is a message to those of you young mothers. Our children are very important in our lives, but your spouse should come first. If you're not careful and you spend too much time with your children, you will no longer know your husband when they grow up and depart. That's what they will do. They will grow up someday and be gone. Because as we read back in Genesis, it's their turn to start a family and start their own life.

If we neglect our relationships during those years that our children are growing up, there's not going to be much left to that relationship when they leave. It's actually a... statistically, it's a time when there are a lot of divorces in American culture, when the children leave the home and they've become, for the first time, empty nesters in many years. But we should remember that God first and immediately after God should be our relationship with our spouse. Treating your husband with benign neglect is not respecting him. It's not showing respect. Looking at his main role in life as an ATM machine is not respecting him. Let's take a look at a final scripture. We'll go into it in a little detail. Proverbs 31, I mentioned last time we would go through this, a final scripture. So, once again, I want to strip away our cultural bias towards the role of a woman and see what the scriptures say about the ideal wife. The virtuous woman, or some translations, have it the excellent woman. She may be a little different than what our expectations are in the world today.

Proverbs chapter 31, and we're going to begin in verse 10.

It begins, who can find a virtuous woman? What he's going to define in the roles of what he believes is a virtuous wife. This is actually a Hebrew word that is often spoken of as armies, and it means strong character. It means excellent. It says, for her worth is far above rubies. You cannot put a price. She is so precious, so wonderful. You can't put a price on who and what she is.

The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so she will have no lack of gain. Again, I think I read this version last week. Her husband trusts her completely. With her, he has everything she needs. She's a confidant. She's a partner. And yes, I might add that there are times as a partner when you have a responsibility to talk to your husband if he's coming off the rails. But you do it privately, and you do it tenderly. And like any type of family correction, the best way to do it is begin by complimenting your spouse, showing deep love and appreciation for the good things they do, and then sandwiching in something perhaps they could grow on, something to help them that they're struggling with. But don't let the conversation end there. Make sure that you end again with another layer of encouragement and deep appreciation and thanks for who and what they are. It's okay to have those conversations with your husband. That's what a helper sometimes does. But don't do it every day. Don't do it on the small minuscule unimportant things, and do it with an attitude of love and with tenderness. God gave you that biological ability to care and to do things in a gentle and loving way. Verse 12, she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Notice she's an encourager. She's not a competitor. She's not slamming her husband behind his back to the other women, making condescending remarks about her husband. She seeks wool and flax, and she willingly works with her hands. She's not a martyr. She's enthusiastic in everything that she does. She willingly works if there's a need for her to work.

She's like merchant ships. She brings food from afar. In other words, she searches her good deals.

She also rises at night, yet at night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservant. So she's willing to sacrifice for the needs of her family. And that includes sometimes missing out on a little bit of sleep. Verse 16, she considers a field and buys it.

From her profits, she plants a vineyard. She works outside of the home.

I know that may shock some people in our cultural concept of what women were supposed to do in the 50s and 60s, but the excellent wife works outside of the home. Not only that, she has children at the same time. Now, if you're in a financial situation and you don't desire to work outside of the home and you don't need to, God bless you! That's wonderful. My point is you should not put a stigma on women raising young children and so working out of the home. No more than we would put a stigma on the virtuous woman for doing the same thing. And frankly, some women just need a little bit more than being at home with their children all day again, if that's what you want to do. If you have the financial reasons to do it, wonderful. Awesome! But we shouldn't judge others who, aside from also raising children and enjoying that, desire to work outside of the home and do something for a little bit of variety or an extra income. So I think that's very important to say. I know the balance can be very hard, but it's not a sin to do so. That's why she is called the excellent woman. Verse 17, she gurges herself with strength and strengthens her arms.

In the New International Version, she sets about her work vigorously. Her arms are strong for her tasks. Verse 18, she perceives that her merchandise is good. She makes things of quality. She makes things of excellence, as we'll see things that people want to buy from her. Her lamp does not go out by night. She stretches out her hands to the disstaff, and her hand holds the spindle.

The staff is not a word that we use that often. It basically means she makes her own thread and yarn, and then she makes her garments. She does it all. She also makes her own thread. It says here in the New Century Version, she makes thread with her hands and weaves her own cloth. Verse 20, she extends her hand to the poor. She reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household. She obviously never lived in Cleveland. For all her household is clothed with scarlet.

She makes tapestry for herself. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Again, everything she does isn't slap-dash together, cobbled together. It's quality. She obviously is skilled at making garments. She also is a deep concern for those who are struggling in poverty. The context, by implication, is that she makes clothes also to give freely to the needy so that they can stay warm. That's what is being inferred here. Verse 23, her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. Her husband's leadership and trust in her gives her the freedom to develop and use her God-given talents.

He's not trying to control her. Where's my wife at? I've been seeing her in five minutes. She's not trying to control and dominate his wife. Verse 24, she makes linen garments and sells them. So, aside from being a realtor, she's also a salesperson who makes products, manufactures products, and sells them again, working outside of the home, and supplies sashes for the merchants.

Strength and honor are her clothing she shall rejoice in time to come. In other words, she's optimistic about her future. She looks into the future and sees wonderful things for her family, wonderful things for the effort of her family to work together as a team, to raise great kids, to provide for their needs. Verse 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness. She does not contradict her husband.

She doesn't argue with the public. That is disrespectful, and it should not be accepted. Disagreements should be communicated in privacy between you and your spouse, not publicly, not even in front of the children in most areas of life. You need to sit down one-on-one and have those discussions. If you have a difference in child-maring, a difference in how to spend money, a difference in some area of your marriage, and you need to sit down quietly together as a couple and not argue and ward out in front of your children.

What kind of an example does that send for our children? Verse 27, she watches over the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. She organizes her time and her tasks. She's obviously got her act together here. She gets an awful lot done in 24 hours, so you have to be organized. You have to work off of a task list. She knows what she's about. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her. Verse 29, many daughters have done well, but you excel them all. Says the author about this virtuous woman. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing.

Now, those are superficial things. No matter how beautiful and handsome we think we are, in 80 years from now we're going to look a little different than we do today. And it won't be better unless Jesus Christ returns and we're changed from mortal to immortable. But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Because there's something beautiful going on in the inside.

That's why on her tongue is the law of kindness. That's why her children call her blessed. That's why her husband can praise her. That's why when she opens her mouth, wisdom comes out of her mouth. She sets a wonderful example for the entire world to see and acknowledge. So what if you're not a wife? I know I've spoken a lot today about being a wife. What if you're not a wife? What if you're unmarried? What if you are a young girl? What if you are a teenager? What if you're a widow? Well, I want you to think about something that's mentioned in here that I think is very, very important.

If you look at these verses closely, you see a woman who invested in herself to become excellent. She prepared and she developed long before she ever met her husband.

When you say I do, you don't immediately become an entrepreneur, a garment manufacturer, a realtor, an agricultural expert, a domestic homemaker, a salesperson. You don't immediately instantly get character traits. You don't suddenly become motivated. You don't suddenly care for the poor. You don't suddenly have kindness and wisdom the moment you say I do.

These are all developed as qualities of a woman who has invested in herself for a lifetime, since she was a small girl, preparing herself to be all that she can be.

I want to encourage everyone, particularly our young girls who are teenagers, to receive as much education as you possibly can. Prepare yourselves with your character, with your skills, and with development. The moral of this story is that this is a woman who can multitask better than Windows 10. She buys, she sells, she invests, she manufactures, she plants, she cooks, she's physically fit, she's happy, she's fulfilled, she's a no-limit person. And indeed, it is ideal because none of us can meet all of those qualities.

If you're a single girl, make the most of your opportunities like this woman. Get a good education, plan a career, become a no-limit person, continue to grow your talents, and continue to be a helper, not to a husband, but a helper to your siblings, a helper to your parents if they're still alive, a helper to the seniors in the congregation, a helper to the young girls who are growing up in the faith and need role models. So prepare yourself, grow, and develop, and if it's God's will that you have a husband and a wonderful marital relationship, that's okay too. So the spiritually matures woman's greatest skill in life is that of being a helper, of having the heart of the helper, of having a beautiful inside, someone who desires to help her husband if she has one, or her children, or the poor, the needy, help in her community, help in any way that she can.

If on married again she can help her family, she can help her community, she can help the church.

She isn't afraid to attempt virtually any task, and her extended family, that's all of us, should encourage her to become a woman of inner beauty. So let's encourage ourselves, through God's word, to realize that we live in a very distorted world. We live in a culture that emphasizes all the wrong things, that focuses in all the wrong things. So let's make sure that we're not allowing this culture, and the culture to identify our genders, and what our gender roles are, and the things that we should be doing in order to conform to our culture. God created woman, very beautifully, very wonderfully, in his image, because of her biology, to do something that men can't do, and that is to be an exceptional caregiver, to be an incredible nurturer, through kindness, through generosity, through service. That's your function. Embrace your function, and don't allow this culture to redefine your expectations, or to get you so wrapped up into equality of every kind, that you begin to miss the point of why God created men to be one way, different in another way, women to be different than men, and that's a good thing. That's a wonderful thing. So thank you. Thanks for bearing with me. I'm a little bit over time today. I wish all of you a friend and family, and don't forget to follow along.