The Role of a Wife in a Godly Marriage

In the previous two messages, we learned how God designed marriage into the human experience as a God-playing relationship. And it's not just to give us peace and order and structure in this age, which it clearly does, it also prepares us for eternal life in his divine family.

It is the most important institution that God has given humanity, the first institution, even in the Garden of Eden is where it started. But as humanity continues to disregard God and his laws, it's almost second nature to most of humanity today, the dignity and the majesty of marriage is escaping them. And we've been trying at least in the past few messages, as we will do today, to make sure it does not escape us. As most all fail to see the importance of the institution, marriage rates are plunging, which we went over on the first message, cohabitation is increasing, and the resulting divisions and separations that have been occurring have had a violent and very devastating effect on society. We've examined how marriage pictures divine relationships, and as such, we've seen how it's a very important part of God's plan for all of humanity. We've seen how marriage provides the same opportunities for selflessness and giving within that union and the family. It's the same application of divine authority that we see in the Godhead, the same familial love and care for others that we see in the Godhead as well.

And what God designed to sustain life and peace on this earth also prepares us for life and peace in the family of God. So to better appreciate this in the second message, we began to look at, with more detail, into the responsibilities or the roles that God designed into the positions of marriage. We learned that God ultimately holds husbands responsible for that marriage.

A husband is to function as the primary instrument through which God cares for his daughter, now that husband's wife, for as long as they live as the vows go. Husbands vow to God, to God, to love, honor, cherish, and provide for their wives, just as God did before they were married. It's a very humbling but a very inspiring opportunity for husbands to emulate God for their wives' sake and in the role of the family and for the church itself, as they love them as Christ loves his church. Today, I'd like to examine now the role of a godly wife in marriage. Again, as we said at the outset of the roles of the husband, not to point out where we are falling short, but to see how God has given us in marriage this overwhelming opportunity to put his divine nature into practice.

As I was putting this together, this is a harder message for me to give, not because I'm not familiar with it, but because in our climate today, for a man to stand up and talk about the role of a wife in marriage, it just seems to be getting much more politically incorrect.

The design for the role of a husband is not very popular today. I know most husbands don't want to hear that. Most have forgotten their vows, but his role for a godly wife is even more so unpopular.

I think we need to examine that first before we go into the vows.

Over the past hundred years or more in this country and even throughout the world, equality for women has grown substantially in a very good way. I think women are being seen and understood now as partners in our effort here and many freedoms, not just for work, but in other responsibilities that have been long past due. I don't think it was always that way. It may be in our recent written history, but it wasn't always that way. Other things have happened as well in the push for those rights and equality. As human beings tend to do, we tend to move from one extreme to the other. I think Satan and his demons are always there to push us in one ditch or the other. It's difficult today to see God's design, to clearly see it, or embrace that design for the wife in a godly marriage without first unraveling the influence of radical feminism.

Now, on the surface, that message of equality of the sexes appeals to many, but what lies beneath are bitter feelings of anger and hatred toward God, men, and the biblical family. I'd like to read you just a number of quotes here that I pulled down and do some research on this to give you some idea where the mindset of the feminist movement is today. I don't think it was always here. Maybe it was always under the surface, but now it's much more obvious. And I'll just quote. These are some fairly popular feminists. The first one, first quote, I feel that man-hating is an honorable and a viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class hatred against the class that is oppressing them. That's Robin Morgan, as an editor for Mizz Magazine. The nuclear family must be destroyed. Whatever its ultimate meaning, the breakup of families is now an objectively revolutionary process. Linda Gordon, who's a Ph.D. in Russian history and also a feminist.

I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high heel shoved in his mouth like an apple in the mouth of a pig. Andrea Dworkin. Since marriage constitutes slavery for women, it is clear that the women's movement must concentrate on attacking this institution.

Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of marriage. Sheila Cronin, leader of the feminist organization now, National Organization for Women. Andrea Dworkin, again, marriage is an institution developed from rape as a practice. Sharon Stone, popular actress, said, The more famous and powerful I get, the more power I have to hurt men.

This is from Sally Miller Gerhart. She wrote an essay entitled, The Future, If There Is One, Is Female. She wrote this in that essay. The proportion of men must be reduced to and maintained at approximately 10 percent of the human race.

If life is to survive on this planet, there must be a decontamination of the earth.

I think this will be accompanied by an evolutionary process that will result in a drastic reduction of the population of males. That was Mary Daly.

Barbara Jordan, a former U.S. Congresswoman, said this, I believe that women have a capacity for understanding a compassion which man structurally does not have, does not have it because he cannot have it. He is just incapable of it. Antrena Shapiro wrote this, I do want to be able to explain to a nine-year-old boy in terms he will understand why I think it's okay for girls to wear shirts that reveal their superiority over boys. I could have pulled down more. If you look at the underpinnings in the heart of that movement today, it's vicious. There's obvious hatred toward God in the Bible. There's obvious hatred toward men and the biblical, what they call the nuclear family. I found this quote in an essay written by Kristen Clark. She wrote this on the website called girldefined.com. Right now, today, almost all feminist groups strongly stand for the following. A woman's right to abort, murder her unborn baby. Lesbianism and the right for women to marry women. Complete liberation from sexual boundaries and morals. Freedom from traditional gender roles in marriage. Rejection of God as the ultimate authority in life. I think we can all see how it's very difficult for one to be both a feminist and a Christian in this day and age. Certainly, there have been and will continue to be all kinds of misguided abuses of unsound and distorted biblical teaching. In every level of life, whether you're addressing the position of a wife or a husband or children, industry, politics, you name it. But the truth, the biblical truth, still frees. When you truly understand what the Bible says about these roles and positions within marriage, we recognize something right off the bat. Turn to Genesis 1 in verse 27.

Genesis 1 in verse 27. See, both the sexes are equal by design, not by civil government, by the laws of men, or the traditions of society, or any human tradition, for that matter. That's not why they are equal. God made them equal. In this statement, Genesis 1, 27, so God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him. Male and female, he created them. Both males and females are equally made in the same image of God. But he assigned each of them different roles, and that's where the problem comes in. Satan misleads humanity. And it's usually in this attack of authority versus those who are under authority, those leading versus those who are responding. And because there is authority in marriage, as there is in the Godhead, Satan leads humanity to neglect it, to fight over those roles, roles that God designed to complement and to produce peace, as it is revealed in an honest view of the marriage vows. I offer that just to underline as we go into these vows, because some of the language that we will hear in the marriage vows is being changed today.

We don't like the way it sounds. Political correctness is seeping in so that we are becoming less and less biblical, even in the way those roles are spoken in the vows. So let's go into the wife's vows now. This is what a minister will say in the Church of God as they are approaching. There are some variations.

There are multiple different versions of the vows. And we always talk these over with the couple beforehand so they understand what they mean and so on. But that will be good for us to hear. Here's what would be said at the middle portion of the service.

We went through the men's vows. They may have seemed weighty. But when we hear as men, hear the vows our wives are committed to, we see what weighty is. At least we answer into Christ, but they answer to us as Christ. How much more difficult is that? All of these, and we'll focus on these three statements, submit, subject, and revere in the vows. They're all taken from Scripture as God has ordained. Mostly Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, and also 1 Peter 3. We'll go through each one of those individually. First, let's look at the word submit, and let's look and see where we got this from, the put and the vows. It's Ephesians 5, Ephesians 5 and verse 22.

Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. This is not a command of men. This is a command of God. We will have His design for marriage, His institution. We must see this for what it is. And it's not the way the word is used in English today.

The Greek word translated, submit, here is hupotaso. It's spelled H-U-P-O-T-A-S-S-O. It's used in the Greek middle voice here, and it expresses a voluntary action upon the subject of the verb. Now, we tend to use the word submit as a forceful thing, pushing someone down, oppressing them. That's not what is being referred to here. This is a voluntary action. No husband has the right to stand up and say, hey, you vowed to submit.

No, that's a commitment she made to God about Him. And if he understood how difficult that is to do, at least if he understood how difficult his vows were, he would help her in that process, not oppress her with it. Paul here was telling women to be voluntarily, willingly, and actively subject to their husbands by their own choice, in their own mind, supportive. Submission is an act of voluntarily changing the will. Think of that. And think of the spiritual implications of that. The ability to change the will to comply. It's about cooperating. It's about assuming responsibility, carrying a burden, choosing to do so. It cannot be compelled or coerced.

That's oppression. That's not submission. This goes beyond simply yielding. It goes to something that the Bible refers to as being beyond the letter of the law, doing it just because we have to. It has more to do with will than action. A wife is challenged here with aligning her will to the spirit and intent of her husband.

Now, in doing so, her example emulates Christ's submission to his father. Think of the privilege that is, and the opportunity that gives not only her, but everyone who knows her and loves her, and admires her, from her husband to her children to everyone she knows in the church service and so on. Think of the example that sets for them. Submission is about accepting, consenting to the bigger plan of the highest authority, knowing that this is God's design. The example we have here, obviously, is Jesus Christ. Let's turn to John 5.

John 5, if you want to keep your finger there, or if you have a little ribbon in Ephesians 5, keep it there. John 5, let's first read verses 19-22, and then we'll read verse 30. The Jews here were persecuting Jesus, and were seeking to kill him because he was making a reference to himself as being his father's son, the Son of God.

And they saw that as blasphemous. Now, as he's giving them an instruction here, notice his relationship with his father, and how this is something we all must emulate. And if we see this being done in a godly marriage by a converted woman who understands this, it's a wonderful example for everyone to see. And as I've said before, I've learned more about submission and how I have to submit by watching my wife in that process with me.

John 5, verse 19. Then Jesus answered and said to them, Most assuredly I say to you, the Son can do nothing of himself but what he sees the Father do. For whatever he does, the Son also does in like manner. We talk about the father-son relationship, and your son's a chip off the old block. Think of this in the context of a marriage in which the wife is submitting to her husband.

She does what she sees her husband do. For whatever he does, she does in like manner. Verse 20. For the Father loves the Son and shows him all things that he himself does. That's a commission to the husbands here, gentlemen.

And he will show him greater works than these that you may marvel. For as the Father raises the dead and gives life to them, even so the Son gives life to whom he will. For the Father judges no one but has committed all judgment to the Son. Notice that. How much judgment to sermon opportunities to choose, make decisions, and so on do we give to our wives, gentlemen. Verse 23. That all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent him.

And if we look at that for the context of marriage, if you don't honor a man's wife, you're not honoring him. Verse 24. Actually, let's just go for...I don't want to read this whole thing. We could, for the sake of time. Let's just go to verse 30. Christ said here, I can of myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge. And my judgment is righteous because I do not seek my own will, but the will of the Father who sent me.

This is the basis for all of Christianity, our submission to the Father's will. And in a godly marriage, we have a wonderful example of women who are striving to do that. How beautiful is that? And how encouraging that is. God expects anyone assigned to follow to do so out of respect and submission. This is not just reserved for marriage, but marriage is the example for submitting to civil government, for submitting to your employer, to teachers at school.

This applies to everyone. Employers, government officials, church leaders. It's not absent in marriage. It can't be, not by God's design. And this is not seen by the one doing the submission. It's not seen as an imposition. It's seen as a personal responsibility.

And again, the vow is to God. That woman is vowing to God to do this. It's an agreement with her and him. Now, authority is necessary for all coordination and unity, but it is not a measure of one's worth, as we mentioned last time, depending on where you are in that chain. It's also not a measure of one's contribution or privilege.

That's what Satan wants us to think. That's man's view. That's not the view of authority we see in Scripture. Submission to any authority for a Christian, though, never supersedes submission to God. We know this is a very clear Scripture, Acts 5 and verse 29. Acts 5 verse 29, we ought to obey God rather than man.

If a wife who is in submission to her husband is being asked by her husband to do something that's against God, against his law, against his word, then a good conscience she must defer and say, no, I am deferring to a higher authority. She is ultimately in submission to God. Look at Colossians chapter 3 here. Colossians chapter 3 and verse 18. Colossians 3 and 18 says, wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands don't have current blotch opportunity to have their wives do absolutely everything they want, anything they want.

She ultimately answers to a higher authority, and so does he. And when they both respond in their vows as they gave them to God, the marriage works. I like the way the 20th century New Testament phrases this. It says, as befits those who belong to the Lord, though God has given us in a marriage the opportunity to belong to one another, ultimately both of the couple in the marriage belongs to God.

It's significant as well here that in Ephesians 5, 22, that the Apostle Paul says to submit, hupotaso, to their husbands. Not obey them. He doesn't say obey them. It's a different word. That's the Greek word, hupokao. H-u-p-a-k-o-u-o. Now in chapter 6 and verse 1 of Ephesians, he says, children, obey your parents. He doesn't say that to a wife. He tells servants in verse 5 of Ephesians 6 to obey their employers or their masters, because the relationship between a husband and wife is on a higher plane.

This is not about telling her what to do, and this is not about her just looking to follow any letter of the law that the husband would give. It must be closer. It must be deeper. It emulates the Godhead. By God's design, a married couple is united by loving consideration.

Shared appreciation for God and for one another. It's a deeper oneness of heart and mind, which should mirror the relationship shared in the Godhead. That's this whole design. Look at Titus chapter 2 here. Titus chapter 2, we'll read verses 1 through 5.

I want to show a couple of scriptures here where the word obedience is used or hinted at with respect to the wife's position to the husband. But as we understand this, we'll recognize it is not what is meant here. Titus chapter 2 verse 1, Not given too much wine, teachers of good things, that they may admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children. I want to get more into this in future messages because we have a lot of elderly in the church, those who've raised their children already, and even those who have been widowed and are widowers, because they sometimes wonder where they fit in in messages like this.

We're usually addressing marriage at the outset or marriage within a young family, and so on. We'll expand on this in future messages. Verse 5, To be discreet, chaste, homemakers, we'll develop that word a little bit more later in the message, Good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blaspheme. The word translated obedient in verse 5 is also the Greek word hupotasso. It's conjugated the same as it is in Ephesians 5 and verse 22.

Submissive would be a better translation. And you'll see this in the Revised Standard, the English version, and so on. This word is hupotasso for obedient and should be translated submission. Now look at 1 Peter 3. We'll be back at 1 Peter 3 later as well. There's a very beautiful instruction to wives as well as husbands in this chapter. I just want to look at one verse here, though, verse 6. And we'll touch upon this example of Sarah a little bit later as well. But here I want to look at the structure of this.

It says, as Sarah, he's addressing verses 1 through 6 here, the wives and how they're supposed to be submissive to their husbands. You see that in verse 1. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your husband. This is in a whole series of those who are supposed to be submissive. It ends up as well, likewise, to the husbands in verse 7.

But look at verse 6. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, those whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Though Peter notes here that Sarah obeyed Abraham, and that word is hupotasso. It's in the King James as well, where it says, obeyed. That is hupotasso, and it's reference to Abraham. Her example here supports the initial direction of the whole section of this verse, which is verse 1, submissive, which also teaches wives there that they should be consenting the will, learning, trying to figure out how to work in conjunction, to be a team with their husband, so that they can lead.

That's hupotasso. So that word hupokao within the Greek has to be related to the initial direction, hupotasso. The father of the faithful here, which is Abraham, was highly respected by his wife.

But there are also times when he heeded her as well. You can see examples of that throughout their relationship, especially Genesis 16, verse 2. She was highly respected by him as well. Love is not without respect for one another. Hupokao obedience is not absent from hupotasso. Submission. There are elements within submission that require some obedience, but the command of God is not obey.

It's deeper than obey. Just as respect is not absent from love, obedience is not absent from submission. But the prime directive here mentioned in 1 Peter 3 and verse 6 is deeper. It's more meaningful. I hope our discussion of this word submission helps us to see that. The consistent use of submit in the Scriptures rather than obey describes a unified couple with a mutually respectful spirit-led unit operating as one.

It's an example for the entire church, and the entire church can learn from it. Every Christian is to be submissive to God-appointed authorities. We see that in Romans 13. We see that in Acts 5 and verse 29. And where we see wonderful examples of that are in the wives of the members of the church. The godly wife's submission is a profound example for her husband. It's a profound example for her children, her whole family, and every member of the church. It's a beautiful thing to see. It's the God that had been acted out in God's institution.

Okay, back in Ephesians 5 and verse 24 now. Ephesians 5, again, where most of the structure for the vows is developed. Ephesians 5 verse 24. Let's read verse 23 as well. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. When we talked about the man's vows a few weeks ago, there was some instruction given as to what that meant, what it means to be submitted to the head.

As the body is submitted to the mind and the thinking, the brain, you don't have to have separate thinking mechanisms in the hands. My brain tells this finger to do this. My brain tells this finger to do this. And it responds. That's what we're shooting for in the body of Christ. He is our head. That's exactly what we should be shooting for in marriage. Look at verse 24 now.

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now, the word subject is also used, second part of those vows. She should be subject to her husband in everything. This is the same exact word, cupotasso, as submit. So you may be wondering why is it translated subject?

Well, it's conjugated differently. And in the Greek one, it's conjugated differently than it is in verse 22, where in verse 22, remember, the subject, church wives, is acted on from an inside source, her choice voluntary. This, because of the way it's conjugated, cupotasso means acted on from an outside source, overt, as opposed to inward. And this tense, the verb is often used militarily, meaning to arrange under or to be subordinated to, as soldiers are, to their superiors in the military. The best officers in the military realize that they must strive to live up to the respect that their rank gives them, but not all do. If anyone who served as an enlisted man in the service could tell you that. My father spent 23 years in the Air Force as an enlisted man, and I heard many stories about how he worked with his superiors, especially second lieutenants just coming out of boot camp. We're going to change the world. I remember he was present when second Louis was assigned to his unit. He was in charge of fuel systems repair for B-52 bombers and tankers in strategic air command back in the 60s. He was sitting at a meeting where second Louis had just been assigned, and he's speaking to the Colonel of the base, the guy that's in charge of the entire operation of the base. He says to second Louis, you see this chief master here pointing to my dad? And the guy says, yeah, he said he's in charge. He's been running this the way I wanted run, and I don't want any changes made. I know that you need to advance to your next rank, but if you screw up my base, I'm going to screw up your career. That's what he said, just flat out. And most second Louis complied, but not all. Enlisted men know, though, that regardless of what the guy in the uniform is doing or what he's like, they know they're supposed to salute the officer's uniform more than the man that's in it. That's the way order and structure is kept within the military. Now, certainly, families don't operate that way. This is about love and kindness and sharing and giving. Families are very different. But the authority should work the same way. The wife's respect for her husband should be the fact that he's trying to live up to his vows, but even when he falls short, he's in the position of a husband. He's got that uniform on.

The same thing with you as a mother over your children. You've got that uniform on, and God says they should honor you for their good. The order and structure needs to be maintained by God's standard.

Now, when an enlisted man feels unable to submit willingly to the second Louis or whoever's giving him the order, they know they must subject. For functional unity, to keep the peace, unity at the top is especially important for families. Hugely important.

We'll talk about it as we go through these child Bible studies with the young families here over the next year or so. Unity at the top is God's design. Nothing is more important to a child than to know that his parents love each other and that they're completely unified. They can't play one off against the other.

Now, when a non-comer, an enlisted man, feels they're unable to submit, they subject. Again, for functional unity. They defer to the bigger authority, the overall purpose of what they've been involved with.

And even though our marriages may seem like these isolated cells in which we share this really special thing, because it's God's design and others within the church are sharing in that design with us, we're part of something much bigger. And when we tie it to the overall purpose of preparing us for life in the family of God, it's much broader even than that.

See, that salute requires a trust in the part of the enlisted man that the officer will do his best to comply, to live up to that respect. A wife should view her husband's vows in the same way and be willing to defer to his responsibilities. He is ultimately responsible to God for the choices and decisions that he makes.

He should be seeking out your guidance, your counsel. He should involve you in decisions that he's commissioned to do. But if in doing so, he chooses a different option. There is a time when those in authority must subject.

He's got a huge responsibility, and it mirrors how the church defers to Christ.

We let Christ lead. The Philadelphia church in Revelation 3 is described, actually Christ describes himself to that church, as one who opens doors and no one can close, and closes doors and no one can open. And they understand that's what they should do. Here's the attitude that goes with that. Look at James chapter 3. I go here a lot. This is a special chapter on words and communicating with one another and teaching. And there's an attitude that's described here, verses 13 through 18. I won't read it all. Let's just begin in verse 17. Notice where this comes from. This is not a civil government of man trying to maintain order and structure and authority within their, within the country that they're leading. Here's where it comes from. Verse 17, But the wisdom that is from above, this is heavenly wisdom, from above, meaning this is the way it's done in the kingdom of God. The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. The fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. Willingness to yield is a divine attribute of peacemakers. It doesn't mean we let ourselves be walked on or abused. That's not what it's saying. It's reflecting, though, the nature of God. In this, a godly wife models the Godhead. What a privilege! Let's look at 1 Corinthians 11 here. I know we went here when we discussed the vows of a godly husband, but I want to see it in the context of a wife as well. I think it's important for us to see that. 1 Corinthians 11, we'll first read verse 3, and just review this as we did before, to see the order that God assigned to the marriage. 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3, but I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. Again, this does not say that every man holds every woman in subjection, or that every woman is supposed to be submissive to every man. This is specifically talking about the structure of the family. Look at verses 8 through 12. For man is not from woman, but woman from man. There's a purpose, there's an order in that for a reason. Nor was man created for woman, but woman for the man. These are not popular verses in the society around us. And if we allow the attitude that drives those feelings, that unpopularity to infiltrate our marriages, our marriages will begin breaking down. And so will our families, and ultimately, so will the church.

Verse 10, For this reason the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head, because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is a man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man in the Lord, by God's design. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman, but all things are from God. God created humans in a sequence for a reason. He created us in His own image and likeness, because in the Godhead there is order, there is rank, there is position. Even between God the Father and Jesus Christ the Son. God is a God of absolute peace and harmony. He's perfectly coordinated. Jesus Christ, the Logos who became Christ and the Father, never disagree. That's what we're aiming for. That is the family, brethren, that we'll be marrying into. And we've been given the opportunity here to practice this. God is perfectly coordinated, perfectly united. So to be so requires a clear distribution of function. And that's all this is. Not a measure of status, but clear distribution of function. God wants humanity to share in the love, the peace, the harmony of the Godhead, which is embodied in those two basic principles we talk about a lot, leading in love, following with respect. Let's go back to Colossians chapter 1 here.

And read verse 18. What is the example here? You can find play of examples of Christ Himself subjecting Himself to His Father's will. One of those is the night He was crucified. The latter chapters of Matthew, I thought I'd written that verse down, but those verses down. But you'll remember this. I think we reviewed them prior to the Passover. Three times He went before His Father. Here's a man because he had to be a fitting offering without blemish, never broke a bone, no serious injury of any kind in his life, who is now facing within the next couple of hours, being ripped to shreds by a lector. So much so, he would be indistinguishable, unrecognizable, and then to be crucified, the most gruesome torture any human being could face. Now as a man, he wanted out of this, his physical body, fully man, fully human. Is there a way out? Is there a way this cup can pass from me? Three times He asked His Father, but at the end He always ended with, but Your will be done. Your will be done.

And they described that night as sweating, as sweat was like blood that dropped from His head. Some say He even sweat blood itself. He was under such strain, such stress prior to that. But in the end He subjected Himself to His Father's will. Look at Colossians 1, verse 18. And He, Christ, is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have preeminence. As the body is subject to the head, and the church is subject to Christ, the wife is subject to her husband by God's design in Scripture. Look at chapter 2, verse 19 here. Actually, let's read verse 18 as well. Let no one cheat you of your reward, taking delight in false humility and worship of angels, intruding into those things which He has not seen, being puffed up by His fleshly mind. We've read these before and shown the influence of Paul was addressing here of Gnosticism. Verse 19, And not holding fast to the head, from whom all the body, nourished and knit together by joints and ligaments, grows with the increase that is from God. This example of Christ and the church is the mirror relationship for families within the church, marriages within the church. The example of a godly wife is a great influence on her husband, her family, and every member of the church, especially when it comes to this attribute of subjection, the godly attribute. The third element in the vows was revere. Let's go back again to Ephesians 5, verse 33. Revere is used, translated in the King James. In the New King James, it's translated respect. They are related. I like when revere is left in the vows because it more appropriately identifies Christ's relationship with the church.

Revere is deeper than respect. Ephesians 5 and verse 33, the chapter finishes up with, nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband, or reveres her husband in the King James and other translations. The word translated revere here in Greek is phobio. P-H-O-B-E-O, phobio.

And it literally means to fear. In this sense, though, it's more of an awe and an amazement. It generates respect and high regard and esteem, even veneration, for the one honored. Again, for the wives, consider the weight of the groom's vows. In the marriage ceremony, they're the ones that are made first. He commits first.

And when he vows to God to love, honor, cherish, and provide for her for the rest of her life, and his, consider the weight of those.

And one could call it a commitment that he's making to God about her, but it could also be called a submission. He is submitting to God's design for marriage with respect to her. And love for her, he is giving all that he is and all that he will ever have.

That kind of lifelong devotion and sacrifice should astound the bride, should sober her, stagger her, that he's willing to do this for her.

Thus the association to fear. Her vows embody the right response and acknowledgment, profound admiration, deep lifelong respect for the commitment that he's making. And the example, as we talked about earlier, was Sarah, 1 Peter 3, verse 6. I'll just give you that reference again. We've already turned there. As Sarah revered Abraham, calling him Lord. Not because Abraham was better than she was, but because he had the love and courage to try and emulate God and his love and care for her. Even though he knew he was incapable of it, every godly man making that commitment recognizes that.

Again, this is about understanding the roles of both vessels.

This, and in verse 7 in 1 Peter 3, what talks about the husband respecting that weaker vessel, they're not statements of status. They're not statements of level of rank and how we should be striving, driving, why can't I be in power once in a while? Why can't you listen to me? Those kinds of things. That's for the world. That's not for a godly marriage. It's not about status. It's about design.

These verses were never meant to be insulting, but they're meant to be functional to provide peace and equity and ability to work together. Now, I mentioned the example of the galvanized garbage can and the crystal wine glass. I talked about the man's vows. And for clarification, I said, the man is the galvanized garbage can.

I was actually asked once by a woman afterwards, which one was the woman.

Now, if you were stacking, if you were handing a galvanized garbage can and a crystal wine glass, and you were stacking them one on another, which would you put first?

You'd put the garbage can, right? That doesn't give it a higher status. Now, you take this beautifully designed and made crystal wine glass, and you put that on top of the garbage can.

If you put the wine glass first, it's not going to work as well. And it's not respecting the design of that wine glass. The one place first supports the one that rests on it. That's Christ-like.

That's why he went through that first. He's the cornerstone upon which everything else is built.

Men are the ones placed first, but not because it's higher status. It's because they're designed to do so. We're more blunt. We have greater muscle mass. We can do the things God wants us to do to protect and provide for that family. It's not supposed to be thrown on the shoulders of a beautiful crystal glass. Look at John 8 here.

The example again of reverence is Christ as well, the ultimate example. John 8, verse 49.

And here is an example of Christ's reverence for the Father.

The Jews were again badgering him again. Look at verse 48. And the Jews answered and said to him, Do we not say rightly that you are a Samaritan and have a demon? And this they were blaspheming the Holy Spirit, God's power within Jesus the Christ. And Christ gets all over them after this. But he says this right up front, verse 49.

Jesus answered, I do not have a demon, but I honor my Father. The Greek word temao, T-I-M-A-O.

I honor my Father and you dishonor me.

Honor means to revere, to venerate. And when the wife assumes this role, commits to this role in God's name, she emulates Christ for her husband, for her children, and for all the church. The reverent example of a godly wife is a great influence on all those, and to be treasured and valued within the church. So submit, subject, revere are the core of the wife's vows. I want to cover two more aspects of the marriage ceremony. Hopefully we'll get through this quickly.

And we've touched on this before, but it needs to be said. They're not specifically in the phrase that I read, but as we read it last time, to leave and cleave, as mentioned in Genesis about the role of a husband, needs to be able to leave his parents and cleave to his wife that glue hold together with her.

There's two phrases used in those marriage ceremonies we need to examine. The first one is help meet.

Help meet, which seems to be a demeaning phrase, at least in our English. Look at Genesis 2, Genesis 2, verses 18 and 20. Genesis 2, verse 18, and the Lord said, it is not good that man should be alone. That implies an insufficiency in the male. That the man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him, or in the King James, help meet for him. Help meet, or helper comparable here in the New King James, is translated from the Hebrew word azar, spelled E-Z-E-R. You've heard me mention this before. It's used 21 times in the Scriptures. 17 of those times. It refers to God. If this were a demeaning term, would God assign it to himself in the inspired word? Look at Psalm 115 here. Psalm 115, this is a great lesson for husbands, too, who maybe are losing appreciation for that help meet. Psalm 115, verses 9 through 11. O Israel, trust in the Lord! He is their help and their shield. O house of Aaron, trust in the Lord! He is their help and their shield. Ezer. You who fear the Lord, trust in the Lord. He is their help and shield. Ezer. In reference to God being the help of Aaron. The help of Israel. It applies again a need in Israel and in Aaron. An insufficiency in the male that requires the female to fill. When a mother helps a child, she is not less than that child. Why would a wife be less than her husband when she helps him? When the U.S. military helps an ally, we are not less than the one we are helping. Quite the opposite. Actually, the Hebrew word Ezer is often used in Scripture as a military term, in a military context, as of a helping ally. A godly wife is a rich wealth of resources that make the couple's goals more attainable. Study Proverbs 31. Study the virtuous wife and what she does. Did she sit home alone all day? No. She's out buying land. She's out doing all kinds of things. I heard a sermon years ago, a senior pastor gave. It was actually a Bible study. I think he turned it into a sermon, too. It was entitled, There's a Man Hiding in Proverbs 31. Because when you look at all the things this woman is doing, there is a husband there that trusts her implicitly, that supports her in what she does, that wants her to be better, and encourages her to do so. Education, business, all those things. But she never neglects her family in the process.

Now, all these things, this rich wealth of resources that are...and maybe we'll try to do Proverbs 31 at some point in the future. But those resources include management skills, ability to support the overall purpose of the family, protection as well. She has certain gifts for attention to detail, giving care and comfort to the entirety of the family, building relationships, strengthening the home and the family. All of these, again, are richly illustrated in that military context. The godly wife is like the calvary charging in over the hillside with reinforcements. You ever see your wife that way?

Now, often...here's the thing, though. Often all she needs to do is cast a confident glance.

You ever come back home from work one day and you just got kicked around and abused, and you're wondering what's going on in your life, and you wonder how you're going to pick yourself up and keep going? And all she's got to do is look at you confidently?

You see that as a power, ladies? See, it's lost in marriages in the world. Just lost.

There's nothing more powerful to a man than the support and respect of the woman he loves.

Nothing. It's not about love. As God says, as Paul was inspired to write in Ephesians 5, it's about respect, believing in him.

It's lost today. Look at 1 Timothy 3. 1 Timothy chapter 3.

Now we'll read verses 2 and 11.

1 Timothy 3 verse 2. These are instructions given to Timothy from Paul about men who may be being considered for leadership positions within the church. Elders first, and then deacons. Notice what it says and how important this is for that individual who's given this responsibility. Again, it's not status. Don't see an elder's position as a position of privilege or rank. See it as responsibility. He is choosing to serve. He's going to be that galvanized garbage can laid down first so the church can build on him. He's offering to be a pillar. Deacons doing the same thing.

Verse 2. A bishop that must be blameless. A husband of one wife. Why would that be important? It also says temperate, sober-minded, of good behavior, hospitable, able to teach. But a husband of one wife. Why? Well, when dealing with all the problems of this world, counseling members through difficult problems and trials and difficulties within their life, do you know how important it is to come home to a peaceful home? To the support of a loving wife who understands God's design and what she's supposed to be doing? The individual's got two wives. Don't trust me. Look at the Scriptures, specifically Jacob's family. But you can see other ways as well. Man's got two wives. There's no peace in the home. There's tolerance, but there's just constant animosity. And if you add three, four, five, whatever, which is what's this referring to, it's just not peaceful to come home to. Look at verse 11. Again, this is about deacons. Likewise, let their wives be reverent. I always wanted to ask questions in job interviews of people I was interviewing for a position. What their family life was like, based upon these verses. If I wanted to see what kind of a leader this individual would be, I want to see how they're leading their own family. But you're not allowed to ask any of this now. No references to it whatsoever. But look at how Paul makes it a part of the job description. Their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. You might think, well, why is this necessary for a man who's serving? They're one. They're one. She's not being ordained. The men are. But the men's ordination is dependent upon the support of their wives. It's a critical need for those who serve God and His people. The second phrase I want to look at, that was a help-meet. That's a power. That's a strength. The second one is homemaker. Homemaker. Look at Titus chapter 2, verses 4 and 5.

Titus 2, verses 4 and 5. Actually, let's move back a little to verse 1. But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine, that older men may be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, in patience. Older women likewise, that they be reverent to the behavior, not slanderers, not given too much wine, teachers of good things. I read those earlier. That they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.

So if they're not homemakers, then the word of God may be blasphemed. This term, homemaker, is often misused. I read a stat a while ago that home ownership in the United States, versus renting home ownership, is at an all-time high. But homes are crumbling. It's actually house ownership. Is at an all-time high. Homes, though, are crumbling. How does a house differ from a home? It's important for a homemaker to know. I read this quote, a boy was asked after a fire had destroyed his house. He said, are you sorry now that you've lost your home? The boy's response was, oh, we still have a home.

We just don't have a house to put it in. I love that response. See, houses are made with wood, brick, mortar. Homes are made with relationships. Homes are characterized by an attitude of respect for one another, appreciation and openness with one another, communication and love, closeness that can't be seen elsewhere. That's what's dying in the world. We have houses, some big, beautiful mansions all over the place. But are they filled with homes? I was a supervisor for an installation crew in cable television for years.

And whenever we'd go to some of the wealthier suburbs in the Chicago area, Oakbrook, Hinsdale, placed on the North Shore, actually, whenever you come over again and ask me if I could find it, I have actual blueprint of Michael Jordan's house in Highland Park.

I'm not sure he still owns it or if his family still lives there, but we stood and stared at that for hours one afternoon to see how elaborate it was. But whenever we would go into one of those houses, it was all over the radio. His dollars are showing up all over the place, and I would make sure I'd get out into the field, too, so I could see these big, beautiful houses.

Many of them were completely unfurnished. They were just bought as an investment. I should say completely, they had a bedroom, they had a dining room table or something in their kitchen, but the house cost them so much they couldn't even fill it. They were called, I think their term was, house poor? All their money was going into this investment in the house.

And then when all that crashed in 06 or 07, it all came down, all their wealth got lost. They didn't build the wealth where it really is supposed to be built in the home and not in the house. The home is where we feel comfortable, where we feel warm, where we feel safe, and where we feel protected. This is where we live. The walls, the ceilings, the floors are just there to facilitate that. Look at 1 Timothy 5 and verse 14. 1 Timothy 5 and verse 14.

Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully, manage the house into a home. A godly wife is assigned by God to manage her household into a home. Much like the Proverbs 31 woman. Let's go there. In fact, I'd like to finish there. Proverbs 31. We'll read verses 12 through 15. There's more we could read here. Again, maybe we'll go into this more detail, but just 12 through 15. To see where her priorities are. In reference to her husband, it says in verse 12, She does him good and not evil, all the days of her life. There's a couple references in Proverbs to talk about a woman tearing her house down, because she neglects this responsibility to build a home.

She seeks wool and flax and willingly works with her hands. She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She also rises while it is night and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. And then it goes on after that to talk about where she considers a field and buys it from her profit. She plants it vineyard. I mean, this is not the traditional idea of a stay-at-home wife, as at least the way our media and others like to paint it today. A wife's family is her first priority.

She is a homemaker. Brethren, the role of a godly wife is an overwhelming responsibility. It's a superhuman task that can really only be fulfilled by God in us. When a woman understands her obligations to God, which is led by God's Spirit, into all of His Word, into all truth, to understand what she is supposed to fulfill, every converted wife recognizes that her husband is a son of God, to whom, as a loving father, he means everything. That man means everything. It's his son. And within the bounds of marriage, his holy institution, God has given her to him.

It's an incredible opportunity and privilege, but not just in this age, to prepare for the age to come. A godly wife builds her home with that man, as the church builds her home with Christ, joining her family in peace, love, and harmony. She helps her husband as the church, helps Christ, seeking and working to accomplish his will. She respects and admires her husband, yielding to him, just as the body yields to its head, just as the church yields to Christ.

She will submit to him as unto the eternal, those are her vows, amending her will to his in everything, and she will reverence him, just as he reveres Christ, and just as Christ reveres his father. Rest assured, a loving father would not join his son to any other woman, especially our loving father. A godly wife is the help suitable, the help appropriate, the partner, the friend and loving companion, through whom God blesses his son and builds his church.

To properly fulfill this enormous responsibility, a wife must emulate God in all his ways for her husband's sake, for her children's sake, and for the sake of the church as well. The only fitting wife for a man aspiring to be a son of God is a woman aspiring to be a daughter of God, such as the opportunity for every wife in a godly marriage. I'll just close here this series with the statement, Marriage is God's divine institution, which he loves, doesn't belong to man, no civil government, all laws of man submit to it. As his children, brethren, let's do all we can to revere his design and preserve all he meant marriage to be.