The Sanctity of Marriage

Thank you, Lonnie. Appreciate that. I neglected to mention the announcements that I hope within the next few weeks or so to have a Bible study plan together for the coming year. We wanted to take our in-home Bible studies and shift them into growing kids God's way for some of the young families here.

That will start probably, I don't know if we'll do that after the feast or shortly before the feast is so late this year. We'll see what the timing is on that. I'll look at that over the next couple of weeks.

We'll be doing that in members' homes. Probably Saturday nights, I think, would be the best thing to do. We could leave from services, go over, have a nice meal, and then maybe let the kids play in one of our basements. Maybe our bigger girls or others could help babysit. But we'll try to get through those. If we could do two of those things, I think there are eighteen chapters in the book.

If we can do two a night, we can get through them in about a nine-month period. It takes a while usually to get through them, but they're very, very helpful. The other thing we wanted to start is a Sabbath morning study here at 10.30, once a month. I want to talk to some of the elders and deacon some of the speakers in the church, because what we'd like to do, at least from what I've heard from others, is a good, strong doctrinal review of the twenty core fundamental beliefs of the United Church of God.

We could start those sometime probably prior to the feast. I also meant I could do the first one, but I'd like to have, again, some of our elders and some of our leading speakers take on some of those subjects as well. We'd like them to be more of a facilitating of a discussion around the facts and the basis for those beliefs rather than a, not a debate of them, but just so we can understand them and be more open to questions and those kinds of things. So hopefully in the next week or two, well, it'll be at least two weeks, but maybe in the next two to four weeks, we'll have a plan together and I think we'll begin at least some of those in September.

So I thought I'd update you on those. It's, I appreciated Mr. Hoffert's sermonette on family. We are obviously being led in the same direction. It's no secret that marriage as an institution is under great stress today, especially in the United States but throughout the world.

Many say that institution is failing, is failing man. That it's obsolete in design and it's no longer viable in a more contemporary world. And looking at the numbers alone, it is difficult to prove otherwise. You know, my former background is that it's an analyst. So looking at some of these resources, I thought I would share some updates with you on the state of marriage from a numbers perspective. I took this from a website called foreyourmarriage.org. And they're quoting a number of things. Pew Research, the CDC, and others will also be quoting some facts gathered by a group called familyfacts.org.

First, the marriage rate in this country continues to decline. The annual number of marriages per 1,000 unmarried women has dropped over 50% since 1970. Pew Research reports that the percentage of Americans married is at an all-time low. Pew also reports that only 51% of American adults are married today. That's down from 70% in 1960. Only 20% of 18-29 year olds are married today, as opposed to 59% in 1960. 40% of Americans see marriage as becoming obsolete today. That is up from 28% when the same question was asked in 1978. The number of households composed of a spouse and children in 1960 was 47%.

Now it's just 27%. In that same period, the number of people over 18 who are married has gone from 72% to 52%. Though it has declined since 1980, the American divorce rate is still nearly twice what it was in 1960.

And most believe that the, I shouldn't say most believe, if you look deeper into those numbers as to why the divorce rate is declining, it's directly related to the marriage rate declining. 40% of all new marriages have at least one partner who was previously married. And 20% of all new marriages, in those cases, both partners were previously married. 20% of all new marriages. Current estimates suggest that 40 to 50% of recent marriages will end in some form of separation. According to recent studies, one-quarter of all children experience parental divorce at the age of 12. Statistics show that children, or I should say before the age of 12, statistics show that children from divorce terms experience significant decrease in academic success, physical health, and future stability in their own relationships.

Now, this is why many are choosing, instead of to marry, rather they choose to cohabit. But this is just making things worse. Let's talk about cohabitation for a moment. You can't talk about the declining rate of marriage without looking at the alternative for most in this country today, which is cohabitation. Among women, and they always measure these stats among women, because it's harder to track males in marriage statistics. It's easier to track women. They're not being sexist here. This is just the way this type of information is better and more accurately compiled.

Among women, 68% of unions formed between 1997 and 2001 began as cohabitation rather than as marriage. 68% in that four-year period between 1997 and 2001 began as cohabitation. Between 1960 and 2010, the number of cohabiting couples increased 17-fold. 17 times the amount. Couples who cohabit and eventually marry have a 46% greater risk of divorce than couples who do not live together before marriage. That goes against common intuition today.

Most people say, well, we don't want to get married until we test it out first, and then we'll make that commitment. Well, once they make the commitment, living together prior actually breaks down that commitment later. The CDC reports, this is a report done between the period of 2006 and 2010, says that nearly half of heterosexual women, 48%, ages 15 to 44, say they were not married to their spouse or partner when they first lived with them, the report says.

That's up from 43% in 2002 and 34% in 1995. You can see how quickly that is increasing. CDC also reports that just 23% of women in this report said that they were married when they first lived with their partner. That's down from 30% in 2002 and 39% in 1995. Just 23%.

CDC also reports that nearly 75% of women ages 30 or younger said that they've lived with a partner outside of marriage at some point in their lives. 75%. That's up from 70% in 2002 and 62% in 1995. It was less than 4% in 1960. See where the trends are going? I took most of these off charts. It would be easier to see on a chart, but I'm just summarizing. According to FamilyFacts.org on cohabitation, cohabiting couples are nearly 8 times more likely to separate due to discord than married couples in their first year of their relationship. Cohabiting couples are nearly 4 times more likely to separate in the second year and 3 times more likely to separate in the third year rather than compared to married couples.

Overall, cohabiting couples have a separation rate 5 times that of married couples. And following separation, cohabiting couples had a rate of reconciliation that was only 1 third that of married couples.

And don't think of those cohabiting couples as just two people. Most often, they have children in those relationships. And the separations are even higher and much more devastating. Cohabiting couples are twice as likely to experience infidelity than married couples. Compared with women who did not cohabit before marriage, those who did are 33% more likely to experience divorce or separation than women who did not cohabit before marriage. Cohabiting couples without plans to marry tend to report more fights and violence between one another, lower levels of fairness and happiness in their relationships, and higher levels of substance abuse, alcohol abuse, and depression. Among individuals in their 50s, those who are cohabiting tend to have accumulated 78% less total wealth or net worth than those who were continuously married.

And those who were cohabiting and had been divorced or widowed once had 68% less wealth. It's pretty well known in most of the statistics that you see that if you want to be poor, divorce. And if you want to be wealthy, stay married. Pew Research says that only 29% of people think that their profusion of modern living arrangements is a bad thing. But all these alternatives to traditional marriage are bad. This is 29%. A whopping 66% think it's either a good thing to have options, alternatives, or that it makes no difference at all, which is probably the most telling statistic of all. Marriage is not just dying away because of the pressures of modern life and the inability of people to commit. Marriage is dying. This is quoting Pew Research. Marriage is dying because people fail to see its importance. That's why marriage is dying. While more and more couples are avoiding marriage altogether by cohabiting, others are looking to change or changing the design of marriage. Concepts that are getting more and more bizarre all the time. I'm not just referring to gender-neutral unions, but human-neutral unions. Some today are marrying their pets. They actually find ministers who will conduct those ceremonies.

Even those who choose a traditional marriage concept tend to customize their wedding vows. The old ones seem archaic. Words like submit, subject, revere don't seem to work anymore. Apart from God, I guess I could understand that. But they'll customize their wedding vows to suit them rather than align with Scripture, with the Bible. Prenupial agreements are becoming more popular as well, but not so much to preserve the marriage. There's this threat of separation that you lose all this stuff.

It's actually done to diminish liability when those marriages inevitably fail. People are preparing now for their marriages to fail. Here's the thing, though. Marriage is not failing man. Man is failing marriage. The longer humanity remains blind to God's design and purpose for life, the more difficult it will be for humanity to fulfill God's design and purpose for marriage. Most do not know or even care that God established the institution, or that he has specific guidelines for it.

Even in the Church of God, it is overlooked. For personal opinion, personal experience, I'm different. We can do this differently, and it will still work, even when it contradicts what God says in his word. Few seek God's counsel before entering into marriage today, and even fewer want his involvement afterwards. It's considered meddlesome. Apart from God, humanity simply does not have the character to sustain marriage as God made it. It's man's own self-centered nature, his impudence, his pride, that is destroying marriage.

In our disregard, we make shoddy what he made priceless. In our selfishness, we make contemptible what he made honorable. In our cowardice, we make common what he made holy. And in our defiance, we are abusing one of his most precious gifts to mankind, to our own detriment. We are the people of God, the children of God, as we heard in the special music and as we heard in the sermonette.

God wants his people to counter this trend, this direction, and treasure his holy institution, single or married. Marriage is not something we learn to expect or to respect and honor just because we're in it. It has an effect on the entirety of the church, on each one of us, whether we're married or single.

God's people, of all people, should understand how truly important marriage is. Today, I'd like to start a series. Today, I'd like to help us more fully appreciate God's institution of marriage, that we would learn to hold more dear what he has joined. In subsequent messages, we'll talk about the specific vows of husbands, the specific vows of wives as well, so we can understand more deeply why God put this institution in place.

Now, marriage is the first institution among mankind. Turn with me please to Genesis 2, and we'll read verses 18-24. In the marriage vows, as a minister, as I'm reading them to those who are seeking his blessing on their union, I state this. It's in the vows. It says, marriage is a divine institution. That means God owns it. It's his. It is a divine institution established by the eternal God at creation.

Now, as his institution, marriage has a design. God does everything with a design. And it has a specific purpose. But we often overlook it, especially in the throes of this tsunami of anti-marriage ideas that are just swallowing us up today. Genesis 2, verse 18, And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone.

I will make him a helper comparable to him. What we should notice here is that man, males of the human species, are incomplete. We are made incomplete. It is not good that we should be alone. Adam saw that in spades when he saw all the animals had partners. He did not. And it says here, what he would make man would be a helper comparable in the New King James. In the King James it says, help meet. That word is the Hebrew word ezer, spelled E-Z-E-R. It is used 21 times in Scripture and 17 times in reference to God.

This is not a demeaning position. It is not a lesser position. Would God refer to himself as the lesser? When he refers to us as our right rock, our savior, our helper in time of need. This is the same reference that is used to refer to the female, the wife in this relationship.

Verse 19, out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. It's interesting that this is done after God noticed it wasn't good for him to be alone. Perhaps he wanted Adam to see that. So, verse 20, Adam gave name-saw, the cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field.

But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. A help-meet designed specifically to fill the emptiness in him. Verse 21, and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place.

This is significant because it's not the way he created the females of other species. She was created directly from Adam. Verse 22, then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother.

This is significant for males seeking marriage. A man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined, or cleaved to in the King James, his wife. And they shall become one flesh. One flesh. That's not only a physical reference. We'll talk about that later. But this concept of leaving the parent.

I see 17, 18, 19, 20-year-old boys who are still living at home with their parents and cannot take care of themselves, and they want to be married. Does that make sense? It doesn't fill this verse. If they are incapable of existing on their own apart from their parents, how in the world can they take care of a wife?

Yet Hollywood, Madison Avenue, when I say that, I mean advertising, television, and so on, push that idea out there, and attack emotionally driven and charged young people to think they can do this too early. And it happens all the time. And then they leave father-mother and then be joined to his wife, cleave to her. She becomes the utmost priority in his life, and then she has him for her authority, no longer her parents. She leaves her house as well to become one family.

It's the design, it's God's way. That's his model. That's his structure. And he placed within it form and function. He built the prototype. One man, one woman. No matter what men have done with it since, the original design, as Christ will confirm, one man, one woman. And only God's definition counts. It is his holy institution that belongs to him, not you, not me, no one else. No government on this planet owns it. God owns it.

To alter God's design and take it in our own direction means this ceases to be marriage. It becomes something else. No matter how men define it, whether it's a legal definition, whether it's a social definition, doesn't matter. If we alter this in any way, it ceases to be God's. And then do we blame God if it doesn't work?

Only if we follow it perfectly, his way, too often we do not. Look at 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 1 here. This describes something we counsel young people with as they prepare for marriage. But it describes an amazing relationship. We tend to only refer to this as sexual sometimes, but it's deeper than this. 1 Corinthians 7 verses 1 through 5.

Now, concerning the things which you wrote to me, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. This is obviously not referring to married people. This is referring to single people. And there's a reason for this. We've talked about this before. Men who are not married to a woman should not be touching another woman. Even if you're single, young, there's no way you should be touching them in any way that's romantically related to whatsoever.

Hands, arms around the shoulders, whatever. That's reserved for marriage. Any form of romance belongs in marriage. Any form outside of marriage, of romance, is wrong. It breaks Kant's law. Now, verse 2, Notice this. It's my life. How many times have you heard this? It's my life.

I want to do what I want to do. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. That's an amazing relationship, where you exchange authority over one another to one another. How can that possibly work outside of the authority of God?

How in the world can this verse be fulfilled? Human beings would take this verse and say, I own you, you need to do whatever I tell you. That's not what this verse means. It means we have joint responsibility toward one another to care for the other in love. And when we understand what authority actually means, that we become the servant of the one we are in authority over, this verse changes.

Actually, the verse is the same. It's a perception of the verse that changes. Verse 5, Do not deprive one another, ever, except with consent for a time that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer. That's the only exclusion that's made here. And come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control, which is rampant today. Dietrich von Hildebrand, what's called marriage, the most noble, the most heroic expression of self-sacrifice a human can make. How is that done outside of God's design, outside of God's ability within us?

That is a humbling statement. When you recognize what God has given to those of us who are married and to those who are single and preparing for it, what a treasure they have to look forward to and what they need to do to prepare for it, all we have, all we are, is given completely to someone else for as long as we live.

That's overwhelming outside of God's counsel and strength. God established the roles and responsibilities in marriage, and in those roles and responsibilities, some incredible things can happen. And he remains actively involved in every marriage where at least one of its members is committed to his standard. It's better if two, we'll stay in chapter 7 here, look at verses 10 through 16. It's better when two understand their responsibilities, their roles as God has given them, but outside of that, just when one does, he blesses that union. First Corinthians 7 verses 10 through 16.

Now to the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, a wife, is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband, and a husband is not to divorce his wife.

God says in Malachi that he hates divorce. Hates it. And when you see the beautiful, special importance of marriage, you recognize that, you understand it. Verse 12, but to the rest, not I, not the Lord, say, if any brother is a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. And a woman who is a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not but divorce him.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified. That's the same word that's used to call something holy. The unbelieving husband is holy, made holy, because the wife is holy. And the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are also holy. Hagios. They're also sanctified. Just because of the union.

Just because of the institution. Not the individuals that are in it, the institution itself. And one person gets it and understands it, and can work that. That's an amazing statement about the institution itself. Verse 15, but if the unbeliever departs, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.

If one person in this covenant agreement walks away, marries somebody else, forces a divorce or something, the first is not saddled by that first commitment. Verse 16, For now, for how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband, or how will you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?

The actions, the modeling of God's way within that family unit by just one member has an incredible influence on the whole family. Look at Colossians 3 here. Colossians chapter 3, Mr. Hoffert read some parallel verse in Ephesians earlier, but it's a little bit different context. It basically says the same thing. Colossians 3 verses 18 through 25. Here are the roles and functions within the godly design for marriage. And as we read through this, you'll see why this self-abent nature of our society can't handle this. Verse 18, Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Submit? Ooh, excuse me, what? The S-word. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Bond servants, now, this is a similar relationship, although it's not within the family. The same structure of submission to authority and loving authorities is referred to here. Bond servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eye service as men pleasers, but in sincerity of heart fearing God. Same thing can be said to our children, obeying their parents, or a husband loving his wife, or a wife submitting to her husband, not as a man pleaser, not just for appearance sake. And whatever you do, verse 23, this is the critical verse, and whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men. You've heard me say this before. The marriage vows within the church of God are made with God, not between the couples.

The couple commits to themselves, but are asking for God's blessing on that union. And in that marriage ceremony, they are asked specifically to commit to God relative to the other person, to agree to his design and purpose for those roles. When we do that, though, we should do it as we do all things, heartily as to the Lord and not to men. Verse 24, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ, but he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality. We change those roles. We change those vows. We alter it in any way from Scripture we will pay the price. The level of commitment needed for a marriage establishes a place for intimacy.

It's the only fitting environment to raise children. That loving, caring embrace of a mother and father, first as husband and wife, is the only way to raise children. And it's a celebrated example of selfless love for all of society, or we could say, all of the church, to see, to emulate, and to aspire to, because it depicts something much more than just two people who are unified. Look at Matthew 19. Christ confirms this. Matthew 19. We read verses 3-10.

It's something that God allowed Israel under the leadership of Moses because of their in conversion. But it wasn't originally supposed to be this way, and he explains it. Verse 4.

It is a reference to the physical union, but it's also a reference to something much deeper, spiritual in nature. Verse 6.

What's a grieving of the Holy Spirit? It's a pushing away in the conscience, God's influence in the Spirit. And as it pulls away like water dries up from land, it hardens, it dries up, it becomes untillable, unworkable, uncultivable. Nothing grows in it.

Verse 9.

That's the Greek word, porneia.

It's broader than just adultery or fornication.

Let's keep reading here. Verse 11.

Now this suggests that individuals understand the spiritual nature of the union.

God's establishing it and owning it and having a greater purpose for it.

For there are eunuchs which were born from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs which were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs that have been made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of God's sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it. There's a whole group of people who think that this means men should be celibate. Men and women should both be celibate. How would that work?

But would we have one, two generations and we're over?

That's completely misinterpreted. The biblical design for marriage drives its authority directly from the eternal God.

As such, biblical marriage supersedes all other forms of human authority and has shown itself much more durable than the other designs men have come up with over the years. Because all governments of man stand in opposition and defiance to God, we've discussed that before, man's laws regarding this holy institution of marriage are irrelevant and non-applicable apart from God's laws.

Personal opinion is the same. It does not stand in the face of God's law. It opposes it. Personal interpretations on this as well are wrong. They're immaterial when they contradict the word of God. I said in Malachi 2, verse 16, that God hates divorce. He only tolerates it when the one-flesh integrity of that union is violated. The only three scriptural examples are fraud, some kind of lie, some kind of deception, played one way or the other before the contract or the covenant is agreed to, sexual immorality, as Christ said right here, porneia, some kind of intimacy sought outside of the marriage, and then abandon it, as we read in 1 Corinthians 7, if the unbeliever departs. That's the design of marriage. Let's look at the purpose of marriage now. Genesis 1, verse 28, back in Genesis again, chapter 1, and verse 28. Notice how God gives dominion to mankind, humanity. It's not given just to the male. Genesis 1, 28. God blessed them. Let's go back to verse 27. So God created man in his own image, and the image of God he created him, male and female he created them. Then God blessed them, plural. And God said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, over every living thing that moves on the earth.

The purpose of marriage has to do with growing God's kingdom. The word institution, dictionary.com, is defined as an organization, an establishment, a foundation, a society, or the like. Defoded to the promotion of a particular cause or program, God designed marriage the way he did for a specific purpose. Now, sociologists have long understood that marriage and family found society. That's changing rapidly over the past 20 to 30 years. They're looking for alternatives, because they've made a mess of things, and they're looking to try to see what else might work, but they're looking in all the wrong places. We know that marriage and family found society, and when marriage and family break down, society breaks down. In marriage, our learned and taught order, respect for authority, we learn about interpersonal relationships, we learn how to bridge differences and unify. President James Garfield once said that the sanctity of marriage and the family relation make the cornerstone of our American society and civilization. What does it say about us now? The sanctity of marriage, the holiness of marriage, and the family relation make the cornerstone of our American society and civilization. What happens when you remove the cornerstone? The building becomes unstable and begins to fall. In Ephesians 6, the family is held up as the model for proper administration of all authority. Today, governments think that they can actually rule over those who will not rule over themselves. And it's only in the institution of family, in that union of marriage, where children are taught to rule over themselves. It doesn't happen in school systems. It doesn't happen in prison systems.

Unfortunately, this idea, this concept, is increasingly not being seen as a way, as a means of holding up authority. In fact, the family is being attacked today, largely by the institutions of men. And for many reasons, mostly out of animosity and envy. Let's look at Malachi 2 here.

Malachi 2, I'd like to read verses 11-15. Because here we have an understanding of the special nature of marriage, why God calls it His holy institution, and what His purpose is in it inevitably. Malachi 2, verses 11-15. He's, through Malachi, he's being very hard on Judah here, because Judah was marrying outside of the faith. And this is what he says. Verse 11, Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem. For Judah has profaned the holy institution which he loves. We'll see here, this is a specific reference to marriage. He has married the daughter of a foreign God. May the Lord cut off from the tents of Jacob the man who does this, being awake and aware, yet who brings an offering to the Lord of hosts. So, here's an individual bringing an offering to God out of respect, out of reverence to God, but at the same time is destroying, or doing something that would destroy His holy institution which He loves. Verse 13, and this is the second thing you do. You cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying, so He does not regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with good will from your hands. Yet you say for what reason? Because the Lord has been a witness between you and the wife of your youth. Why would that matter? Why does it matter today? Do you think it matters to anybody that someone they would elect as President of the United States has been divorced once, twice, three, five times? Do you think it matters to a nation who has experienced the same thing? We tend to get the leaders we deserve. This is, after all, a government for the people, of the people, by the people. Between you and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously, she is your companion and your wife by covenant. There's something in this covenant agreement we are supposed to learn from, whether we're in a union like that or not. We should be able to see examples of that around us. We're supposed to be learning from that. Just for the good of society, or is it much deeper? Verse 15, But did he not make them one? God was the one that made them one, having a remnant of the Spirit. And why? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your Spirit, and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. And afterwards, he says, where he hates divorce, that it covers one's garments with violence. Do you want to know why our nation is becoming increasingly more violent and hostile toward one another? Look back to the breakdown of the marriage. Apart from God, marriage cannot fulfill its purpose. Godly offspring. Now at first thought, you look at this and you think, okay, well that's about having children. That's about procreation, right? Physical procreation? Wait a minute. He talks about a remnant of the Spirit, and take heed to our Spirit, not to deal treacherously. The couple themselves are growing in godly character within this institution. By its design, loving authority, respectful submission. This is the way the God family works. This is practice for the God family. The couple themselves are growing in the divine nature within marriage, whether they recognize it or not. If they're following God's design, his roles, as designed for that holy institution, they will grow spiritually. In design, one as God is one, a remnant of the Spirit, and in purpose, godly offspring, submissive and loving beings, trained and fit for the kingdom of God. There are a number of references. I'll just give you a number of references here. The prohibition of marriage is an element of degenerate times. This is in 1 Timothy 4 and verse 3, where they forbid not to marry. You can also read Isaiah 14, verses 13 and 14, and Revelation 12 and verse 7.

Revelation 12 and 7, the institutions of men are led by Satan to oppose and ultimately try to rule over the institutions of God, namely the first institution, marriage. Why? Why is it so important for Satan to break that down and destroy it? It's not just about continuing on the human, physical human race. It's much more to do with preparation for the kingdom of God. If he can destroy God's design for marriage among human beings, everything falls apart. There's no training for the kingdom of God that can make up for that loss. Children will not be raised in that peaceful union. Self-governing concepts and ideas cannot be taught to children outside of that union. It's devastating. Today, most who choose to marry don't see this. They don't get it. Even within the church of God, emotions are driving the choice and decision. And in most cases, they have to be slowed down, pulled the reins in, look at what God says in His word. And those who do, who take the time to do that, to form first a relationship with Him and recognize what that institution is going to require of them, those are the ones who are blessed by it. That's not typically what happens. Most who choose to marry today do so out of convenience, for self-gratification, for romance. Now, this produces one of two outcomes, usually. First outcome is a very unstable treaty between two people, two self-interested and very wary parties, because we don't want to know what to expect of the other. If no due diligence is done to find out what your future spouse's understandings of the role they're going to be taking on, if there's no due diligence on their part, how can you trust that they will fulfill those roles? If you don't do that as an individual, looking, seeking to marry, if you don't look and see what those roles and responsibilities are, then you're wary. Can you actually do this? Can you fulfill this? And if you don't already have a relationship with God and the gift of His Holy Spirit, how can you take on such a spiritually monumental endeavor? The second one, the second outcome, usually, of that choice to marry for self-gratification, romance, convenience, is a temporary romantic engagement constructed to please the sensual preferences of two lovers. That's typically what happens today. The body speaks louder than the Spirit, or at least it's listened to more. Appropriately, most divorce today for the same reasons. Marriage fails, usually, when one or more of its members seek or find intimacy outside of the union.

It starts with seeking, usually because the roles and responsibilities are not understood or adhered to, or they were entered into with some flawed understanding of it, or some self-perception, opinions of how, we're going to do this instead of what God says.

Many places can be those sources of intimacy. People, other people, work. Some people get so absorbed in their work, they forget about their spouse. Causes or activities, politics, other things, they get involved in other things outside of that union. They forget about their commitment to God about their spouse.

Some do this for comfort, pleasure, security, social acceptability. All make a very weak foundation for marriage. These will not weather the storms. What do we say in the marriage vows? For better or for worse, till death do us part, sickness and in health.

If we marry for the self, brethren, the self will take us out.

Design and purpose, both from God, all clearly laid out for us in the Scriptures.

But most people focus on each other, not just at the marriage ceremony, but also in their marriages. And forget that God needs to be the third partner in that union.

The institution, brethren, is greater than those who are in it.

And regardless of the respect we may have for one another within those unions, the institution deserves greater respect.

To work, the institution of marriage must be submitted to.

According to Dietrich Bonhoeffer again, while he was in prison in a Nazi jail, he once wrote a letter to a young couple who were about to be married.

He said this, It is not your love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains your love.

The attraction that we may have for one another has never been, nor ever could be greater than the institution itself.

Human affections wane.

Physical beauty fades. Our likes will change. Our preferences will change. Our activities will change all the time.

The longer we are married, the greater there ought to be opportunity for change.

We are all different people than we were 20 years ago.

Every one of us is different, including our spouse.

And our spouses will be, and we will be different 20 years from now.

We will change significantly.

Marriage is designed by God to weather these changes.

It doesn't change. It's not trendy.

The roles and responsibilities have been there since the beginning of creation.

And they will be there at Christ's return.

Among the faithful.

No matter what Satan does to it in the world, our affections are not designed to weather those changes.

The marriage, our commitment to the institution to God is.

It's not the affection that we have for one another that joins us in a marriage.

It is God's blessing of that affection in the sanctity and security of the marriage that holds us together by His design and purpose. If we forget that, our marriage will break down just like everyone else in the world.

Church of God marriage vows stress that the couple is making a covenant with God.

God establishes marriages. God sustains marriages.

Why? What is this remnant of the Spirit? Why is it so important that we take to heart, evaluate spiritually this union that we have with our spouses?

In Malachi 3 and verse 15, as the Father and the Word are one, it says, as the Father and the Word are one, having a remnant of the Spirit, the Spirit in man. I'm sorry, that was chapter 2 and verse 15.

Look at Proverbs 19 and verse 14 here.

As I discuss this and as I've studied into this, I become more and more overwhelmed by this institution I am now a part of.

I remember this the day I was married, though. I do remember, largely because we had it videoed.

And whereas most couples look like they're really happy and smiling and excited, if you looked at me in that video, when we were standing before the minister, I was not. I mean, I was inside, but what I was expressing on my face was fear.

I mean, when God asked me, you want to marry my daughter? Yes? Okay, here's what you've got to commit to.

You need to love her, honor her, cherish her, and provide for her as Christ does the church.

Want to agree with that? No? What? Really? That's overwhelming.

I have no idea how individuals can go through vows that are similar to that and not have at least a remnant of God's spirit within them.

That being led by their God's spirit to even understand what they're committing to and a recognition of knowing that because Christ is in me, yes, I can do this.

Without that, how can anybody make that commitment? It's overwhelming.

Same thing for when Renee was saying yes to those vows, or I do, I was listening to hers. They're worse. They're much worse.

Okay, you want to marry my son, God says? Okay. You have to commit to me now that you will submit to him, subject yourself to him, and revere him as the church does Christ.

I answered to Christ here, and she now answers to me as Christ. That's a much tougher, much tougher assignment.

But she said yes, smiling. Still overwhelms me to think about it. Proverbs 19, verse 14.

Houses and riches are an inheritance from fathers. So there's a buildup, there's a preparation, things that were planned for and given to us.

But a prudent wife is from the Lord, not from lineage. Your parents may have given you counsel guidance. You may have your grandparents, your great-grandparents you could talk to for wisdom and experience.

But a prudent wife is from God himself. He grants that. He gives that. And this applies the same for wives.

All spouses must first be seen as a gift from God. Not an object to be desired. Not as somebody now that I own. Do we recognize those of us who are baptized? Those of us who have God's spirit, husband and wife? Do you see your spouse as a child of God?

And that God gave you the privilege to marry either his daughter or his son? It requires the meeting of those vows. It doesn't work any other way.

Look at Proverbs 18 verse 22.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. From God.

I find it amazing. You've heard me speak this stat before. It's probably much less. It's got to be 20 years old.

Only 4% of men in the United States ask fathers for their daughter's hand in marriage.

It's way less than 4% now, I'm sure.

And daughters don't see that they are underneath their father's authority and are perfectly willing to give away their hearts to a man long before their father is involved in the process.

Just the way society works. And it seeps into the church as well.

Family and marriage are intertwined.

Separation weakens both.

Now, if a man does not respect a woman's father enough to talk to him first about it, get counsel, seek advice, seek help, seek blessing and approval, how good a father will he be toward his own daughter?

If that daughter is not submitting to her father's authority, how will she submit to her husband's authority in the same institution, same role within the institution?

And how much difficulty will both of them have teaching that to their children within that holy union?

Living with respect for the institution of marriage begins when we are single.

It doesn't begin when you put on the ring. It's something that must be prepared for.

You could commit adultery before you're married.

If you have fornication with somebody in advance of marriage, you've just cheated on your spouse even though you don't have your spouse yet. That's adultery.

We cannot live 20 years disrespecting God's institution of marriage and somehow change it on our wedding day.

It's something we've got to do well in advance of that.

I've taught the young people this as well about baptism. You don't think about baptism when you're 30 or 20 or 25. You think about it when you're 10, 11, 12, 13.

It doesn't mean you're going to be baptized at 13, but you need to be preparing for it just like you need to be preparing for marriage.

Most people prepare for marriage when they find the person they want to marry. That's the nature of our society. That is not the biblical standard.

There's no miraculous change that comes over us when we slip on a wedding ring.

If a man or woman disrespects the boundaries of marriage before they are married, they will disrespect them after they are married.

Most think that all they need is love. And in today's world, love, the word love has changed.

When you say love to most people, they think of it only romantically, and they think of it in a sense of lust.

I have a market on a message where I'm using it as a foundation the way words change.

When you see the meanings of words change, same word, different meaning over a period of time, 20, 50, 100, 200 years, it actually is a track record for what's happening within the society. Love, 200 years ago, was not lust.

Too clearly, different words and meanings. Today love means lust. We fall in lust.

Love is something spiritual, deeper, bigger.

Now, without love, we are nothing. We're told this in 1 Corinthians 13. I'll just make that reference to you, so you can go back and read that again.

I recognize there are different words that are translated love, but I wonder from God's perspective, is love different in marriage? Is it different toward children? Is it different toward all people and God? Is it love one thing? What is Paul describing in 1 Corinthians 13?

It says we are nothing without it, no matter what we've done in this age.

In marriage, we're blessed with the opportunity to practice love.

With love, nothing fails.

Self-denial, self-sacrifice, kindness toward one another, learning to change with someone who's so very different than us, learning how to give instead of take.

That's all in the design of marriage. It's all preparation for his kingdom.

Marriage is a God-plain relationship.

It's not just between two physical people. Not if they carry the Spirit of God within them.

There is a spiritual connection that makes them one as well.

What better way for love, true love, to grow and to flourish than within God's design for marriage?

What better way to sustain humanity, talk about the social significance of marriage, and to prepare for the kingdom God? What better way?

What better environment to raise children in, the second aspect of Godly offspring, than two people who are modeling love within that institution as God designs it?

This is what teaches us. Look at Isaiah 54 here.

Isaiah 54, verses 4 through 8. This has always been about the marriage of the church to Jesus Christ, our marrying into the God family.

That's our entry way into the kingdom of God.

Isaiah 54, verses 4 through 8.

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame.

For you will forget the shame of your youth, I will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore, seeking to those within Israel and the nation overall, who feel outcast.

Verse 5, For your Maker is your Husband.

The Lord of Host is his name, and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. He is called the God of the whole earth.

For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused, says your God.

For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you.

With a little wrath I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you, says the Lord your Redeemer.

For this is like the waters of Noah to me, for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be angry with you nor rebuke you.

For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

Look at Hosea 2, verses 16-20. Hosea 2, Hosea is right after the book of Daniel. Hosea 2, verses 16-20.

And it shall be in that day, says the Lord, that you shall call me my husband, and no longer call me my master.

Notice that transition. From a servant to a member of the family, to the respected wife of Christ.

Verse 17, For I will take from her mouth all the names of the bales, and they shall be remembered by their name no more.

And that day I will make a covenant for them. Marriage is a covenant. With the wild beasts of the field, with the birds of the air, with the creeping things of the ground, and the sword of battle, I will shatter from the earth to make them lie down safely.

I will betroth you to me forever. Yes, I will betroth you to me in righteousness and justice, in loving kindness and mercy. All of these are practiced within a godly marriage.

If the roles God instituted for it are upheld.

Verse 20, I will betroth you to me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord.

This is how we know the Lord.

I thought I knew my wife before we were married. Not thirty years later. I don't look back at that time and think I knew her then. I'm still learning who she is.

Righteousness, justice, loving kindness, mercy, faithfulness.

The same attributes that will define our relationship with God then should define our marital unions now, regardless of what's happening in the world around us.

Don't let what man is doing to God's holy institution put it in the trash for us.

Make our choices and decisions of who we're going to be in those unions, and how we prepare for those unions based upon the Word of God.

And not what men say. Not what we see in the movies or TV or our neighbors down the street. Look at John 17.

Christ here talks about the oneness he shares with his Father, the oneness he wants us to share and understand and prepare for.

John 17, verse 20. We'll read through verse 23.

I do not pray for these alone, but for also for those who will believe in me through their word, that they all may be one as you, Father, are in me and I in you, that they may also be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent me.

And the glory which you gave me, I have given them, that they may be one just as we are one.

We, the church of God, will be one with Christ at his return. How? Marriage. Marriage. A great wedding. A great coming together. That's what we're preparing for now.

Verse 23. I in them and you in me. Can we stop for a moment here, brethren, and just think of our own marriages? Or if we're preparing, consider what you must do to prepare so you can say this to your spouse.

I am in you and you are in me.

That they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that you have sent me and have loved them as you have loved me.

Can the members of the church of God look at our marriages and say, there?

There is an example of Christ in the church.

They should be able to. There should be a clear distinction between our marriages and those of this world.

How are God and Christ one in spirit?

How are husband and wife one in much the same way? One flesh is a description of the sexual union in marriage, but it symbolizes a spiritual binding tie as well, the missing dimension in sex. Marriage is a physical type of a spiritual relationship. It's a God-plane relationship.

Have you ever considered how God and Christ interact with one another?

We should. Marriage is designed to emulate it.

Loving authority, respectful submission.

Marriage is practiced for it. Look at 1 Corinthians 6.

It does not exclude the sexual union.

1 Corinthians 6 verses 15-20. This is why sexual immorality, porneia, is so devastating to a spiritual union.

When the physical body becomes more important than what's going on inside, there's a big problem.

But that's what's happening in the world. 1 Corinthians 6 verses 15-20.

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ?

Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not.

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For the two, he says, shall become one flesh.

But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him. Why? One would think why. Would that spiritual relationship that each of us have with Jesus Christ be affected by a physical relationship with someone else that does not include that?

Verse 18, flee sexual immorality. Flee, porneia. Run from it. Turn away from it. Don't be drawn toward it.

Every sin that a man does is outside the body. But he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.

Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you are all bought at a price.

Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's.

The sexual union in marriage has implications well beyond the physical. Married couples are one flesh. God and Christ are one in spirit.

This is a union we are to join. There's a great parallel there. Let's finish here in the consummate chapter on marriage, Ephesians 5, where Paul explains this union, this God-planed relationship of marriage, which again the world does not get.

Ephesians 5 verses 22 through 23.

And most of the wedding vows, most of the words and commitments within the wedding vows are taken from this chapter.

Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband as the head of the wife is also Christ as the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body.

Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be subject to their own husbands in everything.

Not a popular set of scriptures today.

Equally the following ones, verse 25.

Husbands love your wives. Why?

Just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify her and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, to her benefit, to build her up, to strengthen her, to purify her.

Verse 27, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she should be holy and without blemish.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church, that relationship over and over, the marriage relationship between two physical human beings, led by God's Spirit now, and the relationship between the church and Christ.

Verse 30, for we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and what the wife sees that she respects, or believe that King James says, reveres her husband.

Godly marriages work on two foundational principles. They are the same foundational principles of the family of God, loving authority and respectful submission.

We cannot overlook those. We cannot change those roles or vows, or we become something different.

A type of relationship between Christ and the church is what our marriage should be.

True love, true honor, true integrity and faithfulness toward one another.

They are the cornerstones of eternal life of the God family. We practice them in marriage now.

God designed the same spiritual aspirations into marriage, the same opportunities for selflessness and giving, the same loving, caring environment that perpetuates life and peace, and prepares us for his family, all within his design for marriage.

God designed marriage into the human experience as a God-playing relationship to prepare us for eternal life in his divine family.

Now, as humanity continues to further separate from God and violate his law, we can expect that we will see the beauty and grandeur of the institution of marriage continue to escape him, and continue to be trashed by them. But it should never escape us.

God wants his people to counter man's growing disdain for marriage.

He wants us to continue to treasure his holy institution, whether we are single or whether we're married.

God's people of all people should understand how truly special and important marriage is.

And I said earlier, as in future messages, we will delve deeper into how God designed the roles of a husband and wife to prepare us all for the roles in the kingdom of God.

So until then...