9 Keys of Marriage, Part 1

Thank you again, Mr. Burke. Before I launch into the sermon, I should mention that Pinecrest went very well. We had no injuries until the very end of camp. And then we had one of our counselors who thought she was bitten by a black widow spider. At least she had some symptoms that seemed to indicate she might have been bitten by a black widow spider. She did go to the hospital for a short time, but was able to return to camp and was feeling better within a day. And this was right at the end, like the day before the end of camp, so she was doing fine by the end of camp. And then many of you may know Joe Dobson, who's from Oklahoma. Joe Dobson was the softball instructor.

And on the last day of camp, there was a rundown between...it was between third base and home, I believe. He was the pitcher. He had the ball, I think, or they were throwing him the ball. Anyway, the kids were cheering him on, and he fell and broke his collarbone.

Yeah, so he was...he actually wasn't in any pain. In fact, he felt he could drive back by himself, and he had it in his sling. But he was driving back, and I really needed to call him and see how he's been doing. I've just been busy and gone all week with a California trip, and then back here and things going on with us.

My wife's in Alaska, by the way. That's why she's not here with me. And in about two weeks from tomorrow, I fly out to Alaska and will join her for the last ten days of her trip. She'll be there a whole month, so she's in tall cotton right now, being with the grandson and our daughter.

So she's really enjoying that. She had a nice trip out, and things went well. So I'm looking forward to joining her soon. Oh, and by the way, since my wife isn't around, I have no big hurry to get back. So I am actually going to be spending the night down here. I'm going to go visit the senior Archbolds, Mr. and Mrs. Archbold. And Jamie, as you know, has had a lot of problems with migraines, so I'm going to go visit them.

I'll be spending the night probably in Altus tonight, but if anyone would like me to come visit with them, either this afternoon after church or tomorrow sometime, I'm available. So just let me know if you'd like a visit, and we'll work things out. I don't actually have to be back to the Tulsa area until Tuesday, so I've got a little time in case I'm needed here. So I'm at your disposal. All right, time for a sermon. I do have a sermon. You knew I would. You know us long-winded ministers always have something to say, right? Actually, this is a sermon I've been wanting to give for a while, ever since I married a certain couple that happens to be here.

I told them I had a married sermon for them. This is actually one I've actually developed since I performed their wedding. I did another wedding in the Tulsa area, so I worked on another married sermon. However, those of you who are not married, don't plan to get married, this is still for you, because this is a sermon that will apply to all of us, because certain principles, basic principles that apply in all relationships, not just a marital relationship, but in every relationship.

You know, I've been personally married to my own wife for 33 1⁄2 years, so I do have some experience in that regard. I've also been involved as a marriage counselor and a premarital facilitator for the past 23 years. I've counseled some of you in your marriage.

I've performed some of your weddings. I will perhaps have the opportunity to counsel some more of you for marriage, or perhaps for some issues in your marriage in the future. It's been a real joy to me to be a part of something so very important. I believe that marriage is very, very important. But, you know, it certainly isn't about me. I've been grateful to be able to be of some service, but really, it is about you.

It's about your mate, and it is about God's guidance and His direction in your life. It's about your submission to God and Godly principles. If you're going to have a successful marriage, it won't be because of me. It will be because you are applying vital Biblical and spiritual keys in your marital relationships. So, I understand that very fully. I hope and I'm sure you understand that as well. We should always remember that marriage is a type of a much greater relationship.

In fact, actually, two relationships that we'll talk about, both Godly relationships. First of all, marriage is a type of the relationship between God the Father and also God the Son. Now, you may not have thought about this because the Bible doesn't say they're married. They're obviously not married. But nevertheless, marriage is a type of that kind of relationship. Let's go to John 17. I think you'll see the connection very quickly. There is a connection here between our marital relationship and the relationship between God the Father and God the Son, Jesus Christ. So, in John 17, verse 21, and Christ, by the way, said that He prayed for those who would believe in Me through their Word.

That would include all of us. That's in verse 20. He prayed for us. He said in verse 21, That they all may be one as you, Father, are in Me, and I in you. That they also may be one in us, that the world may believe that you sent Me. So, He's talking about those who are called at this time the firstfruits and the glory which you gave Me, I have given them. He's talking to His disciples and those who would come later because of the preaching of the disciples and because of the Word of God, because of the Bible, that they may be one just as we are one.

I in them and you in Me, that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that you have sent Me and have loved them as you have loved Me. Father, I desire that they also whom you gave Me may be with Me where I am, that they may behold My glory which you have given Me.

You see, Christ is longing for the Kingdom of God to be established and to be set up. He's longing for us to become a part of that wonderful Kingdom for eternity. For you love Me before the foundation of the world. Now, consider the relationship between God the Father and God the Son. They loved each other before the foundations of the world. They've always loved each other. They've had perfect love for each other.

Two beings from the very beginning who've had perfect love for each other. I think we can see the parallel here. A marital relationship is supposed to be based on love, and that's the most important thing in our marital relationships, that we truly have love for each other. So, Christ and the Father set the perfect example in every way. O righteous Father, the world has not known You, but I have known You, and these have known that You sent Me, and I have declared to them Your name, and we'll declare it that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.

Christ lives in us through the power of His Spirit. The Father lives in us through the power of His Spirit. The Spirit is one, as far as the same Spirit. The Father and Son are composed of Holy Spirit. The same Spirit. It's not a third person in a Trinity. That's a false doctrine.

But it is truly the very power and the essence of God, and Christ and the Father have this Spirit. They're Spirit, and we are to worship them in Spirit and in truth. So, that's the starting point, is to realize that Your marriage should reflect the kind of love that God the Father has for the Son, and vice versa.

And secondly, also, we see in John 17, it talks about Christ's disciples, the first fruits. And that's another relationship, isn't it? The Church, the Church of God. We are to become the bride of Christ. So, there's two relationships. Very important relationships. We are to marry Jesus Christ at His return. The Bible speaks of that. First, let's go to Matthew 19.

Matthew 19, and let's consider that husband and wife are to become one flesh. And let's read it in the context of what we're talking about. These two important relationships that marriage is a type of. The relationship between the Father and the Son, and the relationship between the first fruits and Christ.

Matthew 19. Okay, let's start in verse 3. The Pharisees also came to Christ, to Him, testing Him and saying to Him, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? Because, frankly, that's what was beginning to happen. They were beginning to divorce their wives for just about anything.

If they burnt a toast, look out. Just about whatever they wanted to divorce them for, they were coming up with excuses and reasons to do it.

And that's how we should look at our relationship with our husband, with our wives.

So there are just a few valid reasons. One of them is given here, and that has to do with adultery, unfaithfulness. See, that was their take on all this. It's not true.

It's not true because it is a good thing to marry. Marriage is a wonderful institution, but it does have to be a committed relationship, a loving, committed relationship. Otherwise, it is better not to marry.

Now, in Ephesians 5, and let's go there, it's very fundamental because it talks here about the marriage of Jesus Christ with the Church.

And again, this is symbolic of a marital relationship, and Ephesians 5 is really a very fundamental passage of Scriptures regarding marriage and also regarding the Church of God. So let's look in verse 17. Let's go back a few verses and look at this in context.

And this is right after Paul tells them to be circumspect, to be careful how they redeem the time, to be wise in the way they use their time and utilize their time. So do not be unwise, but understand what God's will is, and do not be drunk with wine in which is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit of God, with the Holy Spirit.

Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Now, that's basically describing what we do when we get together. We get together, we speak to one another, we sing hymns together, we fellowship together, we make melody in our heart to the Lord. Giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God.

So here, again, it shows in context that husband is supposed to submit to his wife in certain cases. And men, that's when she's right. If she's right, then it would be wise that you would submit to her. Now, if she's wrong, you certainly don't have to submit to her.

Now, a wife is a little trickier with a wife, even though she certainly is not to disobey God, and she is to follow her man. He may be wrong in some things, but it says she is to submit regardless. So that's a tough pill for a lot of women to swallow, that if she knows he's taken her down a wrong path, she has to be careful how she handles this, obviously, but she has to be careful, because otherwise she could be disobeying God. But the man and the wife have to be able to discuss these things and have a godly mind if things are going to really work. So it is really, really very important. But they are to submit one to another, as it shows here.

Verse 22, wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. And husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. And if you truly love your wife, then you're not going to ask her to do things that would not be healthy, that would not be right and good for her. So again, if we really love our wives, it's going to be a lot easier for them to submit to us. And if we're wise and we're seeking the counsel of God, hopefully we're not going to take our wives down paths that would not be good for the family, for the marriage. So husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the Word. It's obviously talking primarily now about the relationship between the church and Christ. But again, it's a type, and marriage is a type of this kind of relationship, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. Men need to understand that a husband and wife are to be one flesh. When you hurt your wife, you hurt yourself. When you damage her, you damage yourself. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. He says, nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So we are to love our mates, and we are to respect our mates. We are to put God first in our lives, and we are to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And all these things will be added unto us. We'll have happy marriages if we are truly seeking God first and putting him first in our lives. Let's go to Revelation 19 for a moment and consider the marriage supper of the Lamb.

The Bible does talk about the marriage supper of the Lamb. Revelation 19, verse 7, Let us be glad and rejoice and give Christ glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his wife has made herself ready. The church has made herself ready.

We are to become without spot or wrinkle. I might mention something now. It seems that in the Church of God, we are doing the same thing to some degree that the carnal Jews were doing. They were divorcing their wives for almost any reason. Nowadays, we see the church splitting up for almost any reason. When you look back on the last 20 years of history in the Church of God, there have been multiple and dozens of splits in the Church. In some cases, there are very unnecessary divisions in the body of Christ.

Sometimes, they justify doing things that are just not justifiable in the Scriptures. When it's over doctrine, obviously you have to obey God rather than men. But there are many times when certain relationships, God has to work those things out, and we're not aware, for one thing, of what's happening. God has to get involved, and people have to have faith and trust God. So if it's not a matter of doctrine, if it's a matter of ethics, then God will get involved in that and will sort that out. We need to be faithful and patient. That's just a side point.

But as I was reading that, I thought there's an analogy here in regard to the Church. The husbands were divorcing their wives for almost anything, and nowadays we're dividing and splitting in the Church for sometimes foolish reasons. So again, we ought to become a Church without spot or wrinkle. So that means we're to love each other more. And unless it's over doctrinal issues, we shouldn't let some differences.

And even some doctrinal issues, we can live with that. Some things aren't that clear in the Scriptures. So we can respect someone else if they're convicted. If they have a conviction about something, then they should be true to their convictions. Obviously, there's a godly balance there, and we need to seek the right balance. But when someone's willing to fellowship with us, if they have a little different take on certain doctrine, we should welcome them.

We should be glad that they're a part of us. God will sort out those doctrinal issues, and He'll tell us who's right and who's wrong one day in the future. So, getting back to Revelation 19 again, to her it was granted to be a raid in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints. As Mr.

Burke said, it's our acts, our actions. It's what we do that speaks very loudly. We do need to let our light shine. Then he said to me, Right, blessed are those who are called to the marriage supper of the Lamb. Again, we are to be marrying Christ at His return. It's a symbolic... obviously it's figurative, it's symbolic. We're going to marry Christ at His return. And he said to me, These are the two sayings of God.

So, there is a marriage supper, symbolically, that's going to happen at the return of Christ. So, let's take a moment and ask this question. How well is your marriage going right now? How well is your marriage going? How well does it reflect the things that we've already discussed? The unity that the Father has with the Son? And the unity that God's Church is to have with the Head of the Church, Jesus the Christ? How well does your marriage reflect these things? How well is your marriage going? Could it be going better? And if you aren't married, perhaps you're preparing to be married some day.

We're all preparing to marry Christ, aren't we? That's correct. So, all of these principles are going to apply to every one of us, regardless of whether or not you're ever married in the flesh. So, it's very, very important to understand that. And by the way, this will be a two-part sermon.

There's no way I can cover all this in one. So, I've got a double shot for all of us. Now, if you never intend to be married again, you can benefit from the principles that we're going to discuss, because we're going to discuss vital keys to a happy marriage, to a vitalized marriage. Maybe you've never heard that term in reference to a marriage, vitalized. Actually, there's a company that has a premarital program.

It's called Preparing Enrich. It's actually Life Innovations, Incorporated. They've been doing this for many, many years, and I've been a facilitator for many years. And I've done this with more than one couple here, I believe. This is a facilitator's report from Preparing Enrich on Building Strong Marriages.

And it does talk about vitalized marriages here, and we're going to discuss that to some degree as we go along. So these principles are vital keys that will help all of us grow closer to each other, closer to Jesus Christ and the Father, closer to one another, closer to everyone that we come in contact with, frankly. So this is not just a sermon for those who are married. This is a sermon for all of us. So today I would like to share with you vital keys.

We'll go through nine vital keys. We won't get all of them taken care of today, but we'll cover as many as we can. And next time I come, we'll cover the rest. So nine vital keys to having a vitalized, vibrant marriage. Now, from this Preparing Enrich premarital program, counseling program, and it's also after marriage as well, it says here that vitalized couples, see, they break couples down into four groups. One is a vitalized couple. This is a couple that is most satisfied with their relationship.

They are skilled in communication and in conflict resolution. Now, that doesn't mean they're necessarily perfect in communication or in conflict resolution, but they do have skills in communicating well and in also resolving conflicts. Very, very important in marriage. If you can communicate effectively and you can resolve conflicts, your marriage has a wonderful chance at surviving, and not just surviving, but thriving. So that is a vitalized marriage. That's what they consider the highest category is vitalized. Then they have what they call a harmonious couple.

This is a couple that enjoys high levels of satisfaction across most areas of their relationship. So they're also skilled in communication and in conflict resolution. Not so much as the vitalized couple, but they are harmonious. There's harmony between them. They get along pretty well.

And then there's what they consider the conventional couple. They're often highly committed to one another, highly committed, but not as skilled in communicating or conflict resolution. This may be a couple that fight a lot, but they stay together. You know, they still love each other, even though they don't have sense enough to realize that every time they fight, they're causing damage to their marriage.

And then there's the conflicted couple. The conventional couple is not as skilled in communicating or conflict resolution, by the way. But then there's what is called the conflicted couple. This is at the lowest scale. They have a low level of satisfaction. They often struggle with many areas of their relationship. They're conflicted. You know, it's a divorce waiting to happen, frankly. Now, I've only actually counseled one conflicted couple in the 20-some years that I've been counseling people that I've gone through in this program. There's only been one couple that I remember that came out as conflicted.

They scored very poorly on this particular inventory, and it was very obvious to me from the beginning. I knew they were going to score badly. I knew it. I could tell it. I could sense it. Things weren't right. For one thing, she was not a member of God's Church, but not so much that. They were actually already fighting as they were being counseled for marriage. And I'm thinking, why are we here? They were already conflicted. See, usually when couples come, they're not that conflicted.

They're in harmony in terms of wanting to get married. They weren't even really there. So it was a very interesting counseling session, and I'm happy to say that they decided not to get married. After counseling them, they decided not to get married. Actually, there may have been another couple or two that were conflicted now that I'm thinking about it. And I'm not talking about anyone here in this area, by the way. Not anyone in Oklahoma. This happened out in Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania is where this particular couple – well, they're not together anymore, I'm sure. I don't know what's happened to them since then.

But anyway, it was quite an interesting counseling session, to say the least, one of the more interesting and one of the more volatile. So those are the four couples that the Prepare and Enrich program talk about. Let's, at this time, begin with the first vital key to a vitalized marriage. We all want to have vital marriages, right? Vitalized. We want to be firing on all cylinders in our marriage. Eight cylinders. We want all of them working.

The first vital key is to love your mate with all your soul, mind, and heart. Now, we know that the Bible talks about loving God with all of your soul, your mind, and your heart. All that is in you, and certainly God must be number one in our relationship. God and Christ, the God family, they're number one. But, nevertheless, we should learn to love our mates in the same way that we're trying to love God. So let's go to Mark 12, verse 30. Mark chapter 12, verse 30. Let's take a look at it. Mark chapter 12, verse 30. And you shall love the Lord your God with all of your heart, with all of your soul, with all of your mind, and with all of your strength. So here we've got heart, soul, mind, and strength. That covers everything. Love God with all of your heart, your mind, your soul, your strength. This is the first commandment. And the second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself, and there is no other commandment greater than these two commandments. These are the two greatest commandments of all. Love God with all of your heart, soul, might, and strength. With all of your mind, soul, strength, might. Love God with all of that. And then love your neighbor as yourself. And most of us do love ourselves. In fact, we're kind of egotistical about loving ourselves.

In John chapter 13, I'm sorry, let's go to John 13. By the way, since we're even to love our neighbors, we don't have a closer neighbor than our wife, do we? I mean, that's as close as it gets, and our husband. We're to love them as we love ourselves. Our mate should be number two behind God and Christ. Should be actually higher than the rest of the family. Even though we love our mothers and we love our fathers. When you make a choice to leave your mom and dad and marry your wife or your husband, your first loyalty and your love needs to be toward them.

John chapter 13. So if you have a meddling in-law who's trying to break you up or something like that, you've got to love your mate first and foremost, and not allow anyone to get between you and your mate. John 13 verse 34. A new commandment I give to you that you love one another, as I have loved you, that you also love one another. Now, this is a new commandment because we are told to love as Christ loved. In that sense, it's new from that perspective. A new commandment I give to you that you love one another, as I have loved you. Christ is about ready to lay his life down for the disciples, for all of mankind. He's going to sacrifice himself. And that's the new aspect that we need to consider with these verses. And by this, all will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. So, it's no wonder I picked this to be the first vital key to a vitalized marriage. Love. Love is the first key. You've got to love your mate with all of your soul, your mind, your heart, your strength. And you need to get that in your head and cement it there. Because, humanly, we don't think that way. If our husband or wife does something to upset us, then we allow that to escalate at times, and we get bitter feelings toward them. We must not be bitter with God, and we should not be bitter with our mates. So, it's very, very important that you love God and you love your mate. 1 Corinthians 13 talks about how powerful love is. Let's go there for a moment.

1 Corinthians 13, we know this is the love chapter, and it's very, very important. Paul says, Though I speak with the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. So, a person might have spiritual gifts of speaking in tongues and of being able to discern angels, demons and angels, and those kinds of spiritual gifts.

But if you don't have love, you don't have anything. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but I have not love, then I'm nothing.

So, if you had the power to heal people miraculously, you would be nothing if you didn't have love to go along with that. And though I bestow all of my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but if I don't have love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind. Love doesn't envy. It does not parade itself. It is not puffed up. It's not proud.

It does not behave rudely. No, it is considerate. It does not seek its own. It is not provoked, and it thinks no evil. Because remember, God is love. God is love. God doesn't seek his own. He doesn't behave rudely. He thinks no evil.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but it rejoices in the truth. God rejoices in the truth. Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things.

Love never fails. Love cannot fail. God cannot fail.

We can count on God. You know, God won't fail us, and love will not fail us.

So if our marriages are based on true love, godly love, they will flourish. They will succeed. And if they're not, they're going to suffer.

So it is important that we have this vital key, love.

Love never fails.

Love is powerful. Love is almighty. God is almighty.

So that's the first point. Love your mate with all of your soul, your mind, your heart, with all that is in you.

Let's go on to a second key.

Always seek joy and joyfulness in your relationship with your mate.

This is very important that you seek joy, and that you find joy in your relationship. If you're not finding joy, your marriage is suffering.

If you don't find the joy in your relationship with others, then that relationship is suffering.

So there should be joy in all that you do. In your relationship with God, you should find joy. In your relationship with one another, you should find joy. Joy is also very powerful. Joy makes us happy. Joy is a wonderful thing.

Always seek joy and joyfulness in your relationship with your mate.

Don't allow anything to steal the joy that you ought to have for one another.

Don't allow anything to get in the way. Nothing! Don't allow anything to steal your joy.

Because Satan will try to steal your joy.

Satan is not a joyful person. Satan is a miserable person. He wants you to be miserable. He is an accuser of the brethren. He wants you to be miserable. He'll accuse you before God. If you slip up, if you make a mistake, if you sin, Satan is right there to accuse you. He doesn't want you to have joy in your relationships.

Don't allow anything to steal the joy. Don't allow Satan to steal the joy in your relationship.

And again, it's not just with your mate, but with each other. Right here in this congregation.

If there is conflict here, these things can be worked out with the Spirit of God, and with having love and joy for each other.

Now, during trials, it's especially important to pull together and not apart. Because trials will work at trying to steal your joy. If you have health problems, it's easy to become selfishly motivated, to think only of the self, to think your mate ought to be doing more for you, or this or that, or whatever it is that we might think. Any kind of trial, financial trials, any kind of trial will work at stealing your joy. And we must not allow that to happen. We've got to fight back. We've got to hang on to the joy. We've got to find the joy there. God is a joyful being. If you go to God in prayer, you'll find joy. If you seek Him with a pure heart, you will find joy. You will find joy to strengthen you and to help you overcome anything. But you need to have joy in your hearts. You need to be happy people. Joyful people. That's a very, very important thing. Typically, people get married because they want to be happy. That's why they get married. They want more joy in their lives. They want to be happy. They don't get married because they want to be miserable. Just that one couple. They would have been miserable. But they came to see that, and they didn't get married. But we get married because we want to be happy. And we think there's something about that mate that will make us happy. Something about that person. Something that drew us to that person. It's important to try to rekindle these. Why did you want to marry this Claude anyway? What was it about him that you got excited about? You've got to try to get some of that joy back. If things have happened in your relationship, things aren't as rosy.

Some men make it very difficult. I know that. Some men make it nearly impossible. Maybe even impossible. Maybe some wives do, too. It seems like men are a bigger problem, although I've seen women be problems in marriages, too. But why did you marry the person in the first place? You've got to get back and revisit those good things. Remember, the Scripture says, think on whatsoever things are good and pure and lovely. Things that are right, that are profitable, that are virtuous. Think on those things. Don't dwell on the negative aspects of your mate, because your mate will have some negative aspects. Or the relationships you have with other people can be negative as well. So don't dwell on those negative things. Dwell on the positive things. Again, a trial can pull people apart, and one of the greatest trials that any couple will ever go through is the death of a child. The death of a child is one of the greatest possible trials, and I've seen it wreck marriages. I've seen it really get in the way of marriages, and I just bring this out as an example. Any kind of trial will strain a marriage, but when a child dies, that can really cause havoc within the relationship. People tend to sometimes blame the other person in some ways. There's just a lot of dynamics that are going on when something like that happens. So it has contributed to the breakup of many a marriage. I've known a few marriages that, frankly, have broken up because there was a death in the family. It doesn't have to be that way, though. If you can find love, comfort, and strength in the arms of your mate, because if you think about it, that's when you need each other the most. That's when you need each other the most, when there's trials like that that are happening. You need to turn to each other and find that kind of love and strength in your mate. The same is true in our relationship with God at such a time of great trial. God is perfect, so we can always find strength in God. We can always find love in God. We can always find the joy there because God is a happy and a joyful God. We can find it. It may not be easy, but that's where you need to go. There's a time to mourn. The Scripture is very clear. There's a time to mourn, and God will mourn with you. God will give you time to mourn. He'll give you time to get the joy back. It may take time. It doesn't always happen right away, but it's still something that you need to consider. Some of you have lost your mates. I know that. It's difficult when your mates have died. It's a part of you that's died, and it's hard. But with God's help, you can find joy, and you can go on, and you can carry on. You can set a good example, and you have. You're still here. You're with us. You haven't allowed anything to pull you away from God. So that's very, very important. We can find strength and comfort and help in God's Church. And I know that perhaps that's helped some of you cope with the death of a loved one. Having people that care for you, that love you, knowing God loves you, and knowing others think the way you do, and have the same goals and the same ideals.

So always seek joy and joyfulness with your mate. No matter what happens, try to remember the joy that you first had. Try to rekindle that joy. Have fun together. Find interest that you have in common. Do stuff together that are fun. It's fun.

I know I need to take my wife dancing and take dance lessons, because that's something we've talked about, but we've never really done it. We've discussed it, but I really believe it would be helpful. So I'm determined. In fact, in Tulsa, I told him to ask me in six months. And if I haven't followed through, then shame on me. I've got to set that up. That's something I know that would be good for our marriage. Maybe you need to make a commitment like that, too, and do something in your marriage to rekindle the love, the fun, the joy. And again, find fun things to do in your relationships with other people as well. So always seek joy and joyfulness. I did want to go to a few verses. First of all, 2 Corinthians chapter 1. Second Corinthians chapter 1 verse 24. Let's ask ourselves, are you a helper of your mate's joy? Do you help your mate be more joyful? Ask yourself that. Sometimes we can get down and we can get depressed. We can get discouraged. And we're not really helping our mate's joy very much, are we? But of course, that's a time when the mate has to help lift that person up. You know, it works together. Someone who's depressed obviously needs to try to get out of that depression. They need to do whatever they can do to get out of it. They need to seek God with all their heart, and they need to fast and pray. And get out of that depression, and don't allow that to ruin your lives.

Satan also would love to have you depressed and discouraged. But notice 2 Corinthians 1 verse 24. And let's ask ourselves, if a minister is to be a helper of one's joy, how much more should a mate help his mate be joyful? If a minister is supposed to help your joy, how much more should your mate be able to do that? And how much more should you be able to help your mate, your spouse, in being more joyful? Look at 2 Corinthians 1 verse 24.

Paul says, not that we have dominion over your faith. He's talking about the ministry. We don't have dominion over your faith. Your faith is between you and God. It's a relationship that you have with God. I'm just supposed to help that relationship by preaching the truth and by stirring up the Spirit of God through the words, the things that I do and say. I'm just supposed to be a helper of your joy. But you are to go to God in faith, believing Him and believing the truth of God that you find in the Bible.

Not that we have dominion over your faith, but we are fellow workers. We're all workers, aren't we? We're all part of the body of Christ. We all have a part to play. We all have an integral part in the body of Christ. So, here it says that we are fellow workers for your joy, for by faith you stand.

We are fellow workers or fellow helpers of your joy. I'm not supposed to be a thorn in your flesh. As a minister, sometimes people look at ministers as thorns in the flesh. They kind of look at them as policemen. You shy away from policemen. Policemen are also supposed to help and serve, right? They don't always do that. There are certain ways a policeman may not always do that. A minister should always do that. He should always strive to do that. A true minister of Christ loves God's people and wants to help them, wants to support them, wants to encourage them, wants to lift them up.

That is my desire, and I know I haven't done that perfectly. I fall short. I'm human. I'm flesh. So, you have to give me a break now and then. But talk to me. If I've offended you, if I've caused hurt with you, talk to me.

Tell me if I'm not doing something you think I should be doing. I've got four churces to take care of. I've got a lot to do. Obviously, I may not be able to do everything the way you would like. I spread kind of thin. But on the other hand, the squeaky wheel does get the grease. And if you're squeaky, I want to be there for you. I want to help. So, all you have to do is ask. Get in touch with me. It's not likely I'll turn you down. I'll come where I need to come.

I'll go to Texas. Whatever I need to do. Just let me know. Whatever I can do to be of help, that's my desire. That's my goal. That's what I want. I want to be a helper of your joy. In 2 Corinthians 7, verse 13, it talks about the joy of Titus.

It says his spirit was refreshed. I'm not going to go there. You can write it down. Look it up later. The spirit of Titus was refreshed by the members of God's church. That's what it's saying. And we should refresh one another when we get together on the Sabbath. We should refresh one another as God's people. But we should also, certainly, refresh our wives and our husbands. So, do you refresh your mate by the simplicity and purity of your spirit? Do you refresh your mate? Joy is very refreshing. This is the second principle that we're talking about.

It's very refreshing. Paul also talked in other places, such as in Romans 15, verse 32, of being refreshed by the joy of the brethren. We should be a joyful people.

We have so much to be thankful for, so much to be grateful for. We mustn't stay in the dumps. We mustn't dwell on things that are negative and that bring us down. We've got to learn to stand up and to rise up and to let God work in us through the power of His Spirit. In Romans 15, verse 13, it says, Now may that God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing. God is a God of hope. He is a God of joy and a God of peace that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

God's Spirit dwelling in His people makes a huge difference. May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing. You have to be a believer. You have to have faith and trust God and look to Him. And then in Acts 13, verse 52, it shows that the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. Acts 13, verse 52. You can go there later, but the disciples were filled with joy and with the Holy Spirit. That's point number two. Are you joyful and are you spreading joy in your relationship, in your marriage?

Let's go on to number three. Always seek peace with your mate at all times. Always seek peace. You want to help them have joy and you also want to seek peace with your mate. Be a peacemaker in your marriage. Be a peacemaker in all your relationships. Psalm 34, verse 14. Let's go there. Let's read this verse. I'm sure you've heard it before. Psalm 34, verse 14. King David writes in Psalm 34, verse 14, Depart from evil and do good.

Be a doer of God's law. Seek peace and pursue it earnestly. Pursue peace in your relationships. How much more with your mate? If your marital relationship is less than peaceful, then you need to seek peace in your relationship. And again, it does take two people to find peace. There's another scripture that says as much as that is in you. It indicates that there are times when there won't be peace because your mate is not seeking peace either.

And perhaps they're not doing evil and they're causing stress in the marriage. So seek peace and pursue it earnestly. 1 Peter 3, 11 also basically says the same thing, so we don't need to go there, but that's a New Testament scripture that talks about seeking peace and pursuing peace. And Ephesians 4, verse 26 says, Do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

In other words, make peace. Before you go to bed at night, make peace. It's especially important if you're married. If you're sleeping in the same bed together, you need to make peace. Doesn't that make sense? Husband shouldn't have to sleep on the couch. Wife shouldn't have to sleep on the couch.

If you're sleeping together, if you're married, then you ought to make peace. Don't be angry. Don't sin. Now, there's a time when we get angry for the proper reasons and we're not sinning. But nevertheless, we need to make peace even before sunset. Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. So if you get angry even for a good reason, don't let the sun go down on your wrath.

You know, calm down. Get a grip on yourself. Start looking at positive things about your mate. If they did something to upset you, think of the hundreds of things they've done right.

Don't let the sun go down on your wrath. Make peace. Seek peace. Pursue peace. Vital key in a marriage. There are times when you're going to have to seek peace. Because your husband or your mate is going to test your patience. Which leads us to the fourth point. Fourth vital key, we'll finish with this one. Always be patient and be willing to suffer along with your mate. Always be patient and be willing to suffer along with your mate.

Again, your mate will try and test your patience like no one else. Trust me. When you're that close, there will come a time when your mate is going to test your patience like no one else. Again, you've got to sleep with the man or the woman, and it's going to test your patience. You're going to have to really be patient and be willing to suffer along with your mate. The word translated long suffering in Galatians 5.22, where it mentions the fruit of God's Spirit. Remember, it is a Greek noun. The noun macro...the Greek word is macrothumea.

It's a noun which means forbearance or patience. It is translated as long suffering because macros means long and thumos means temper. So, literally, it means to be long-tempered. Some people are short-tempered. They shouldn't be proud to be short-tempered. If you're short-tempered, you need to try to become long-tempered.

You need to become more patient. Or, in other words, slow to anger. Now, the Greek noun is macrothumea. Then there's a Greek verb macrothumea. It's very similar, a little bit different in the last letter. It is also used, and it means to be patient, to be long-suffering, to bear with, to endure. According to Vines Expository Dictionary of Biblical Words, long-suffering is that quality of self-restraint in the face of provocation, which does not hastily retaliate or promptly punish. It is the opposite of anger. It is associated with mercy, and it is used of God. God is macrothumea. He is long-suffering. He is patient. He will bear with. He will endure.

You can count on God. He will not retaliate or promptly punish because He is long-suffering, and we should all be grateful for that. God is very merciful. Otherwise, we would all be dead, because the wages of sin is death, and that's what we all deserve. But God oftentimes overlooks the penalty. He doesn't strike us down. He doesn't kill us, because He loves us, and He's patient, and He's long-suffering. So it is the opposite of anger, and it is associated with mercy. This is macrothumea. Macrothumea, the noun. Also the verb.

They mean essentially the same thing. Patience is the quality that does not surrender to circumstances or succumb under trial. It is the opposite of despondency, and it is associated with hope. So this verb, macro, or actually the noun macrothumea, and macrothumea, they basically go in two directions. One is, it describes an enduring spirit that never gives up and never gives in. It's patient. It's long-suffering. It's committed. A Jewish writer used it to describe the Roman persistency, which would never make peace under defeat.

They might lose a battle, but they would never conceive of losing the war. So you might have a battle in your marriage, but remember that you can't lose the war. You've got to get up and keep working on your marriage. And hopefully your marriage isn't described as a war. That wouldn't be a good thing. In the greatest disaster, it never occurred to them, to the Romans, to admit defeat.

Christian patience is the spirit which never admits defeat, which will not be broken by any misfortune or suffering, by any disappointment of discouragement, but which persists to the end. So it is an enduring spirit that never gives up and never gives in. And secondly, it is talking about patience with people. It deals with maliciousness and cruelty and doesn't get bitter. It deals with foolishness without getting overly irritated. The spirit that refuses to retaliate. It is like a puppy who yaps persistently at the heels of a big dog.

I was at a member's home one time where they had a gigantic mastiff, a huge dog, and they also had a little Yorkie. And the Yorkie was constantly nipping at the larger dog. I mean, the big dog could have just one bite. That would have been the end of the little dog. But thankfully, the big dog had patience. He was long suffering. He probably didn't appreciate it, but he liked the little guy, and he wasn't going to kill him.

You know, we need to have patience. If a big dog can put up with a little yapper, then we can put up with some yapping in our marriage. We can learn to cope with difficulties in our marriage. So it's talking about a man who has the power to avenge himself but doesn't use it, or a woman who has the power to avenge but doesn't seek revenge.

The fact the power is not used is not a sign of powerlessness, but patience. God is very patient. He doesn't strike us down. It doesn't mean he's powerless to do so. He could easily do so, but he doesn't do it because he loves us. So there's another Greek word that is often translated patience, the word hoopomone. I've used it in sermons in the past. It expresses patience in regard to adverse things, whereas macrothumea is more often used in regard to patience with antagonistic people.

So they're often found together, these words, macrothumea and hoopomone. So this is the fourth vital key, is to be patient with one another, to be long suffering. Now, we've covered four vital principles today. Does anyone know what the fifth principle would be? Anyone think they know? Raise your hand if you think you know. Okay? There is a pattern here, and I'm just not going to tell you what that pattern is. If you don't know, think about it. I've given you four vital keys, and there is a pattern that we're going in. And if you think about it, you'll probably figure it out. Next time, we'll pick it up with the fifth vital key, the sixth, the seventh, the eighth and the ninth.

We'll have a second sermon, and we'll discuss it. These are vital keys to bringing joy and peace and patience and love to your marriage.