A Better Marriage and Family Through Honor and Respect

All right, we'll do something a little different. I don't do this a lot when I'm giving a message, but I'm going to utilize a PowerPoint presentation as part of the message today. So, we'll have some scriptures on the screen, but you're certainly welcome to turn to them as we go along in the Bible. To follow along, some of the scriptures that I'll be utilizing today will be from the New Living Translation, so that may be a little different than the New King James or whatever translation that you have. The foundation of any society, in fact, the bedrock really of any culture or of any nation, is the family. Strong marriages, strong family, whether it be a nation or actually whether even it is the Church of God, it really starts here. The strong individual marriages and family. So, that's the title of the message today, A Better Marriage and Family Through Love and Respect. You know, we talk about family, we talk about marriage, and when those of you that have been married, you know that, you know, how exciting that was. You know, you'd met someone you thought this was the person of your dreams, and it came to the point where you were going to tie the knot, and you said, I do. And you can see the expressions there on the face that both the husbands and the wives, they've got a big smile there, and they were so excited as they were about to begin this new chapter, this new exciting chapter in their life. And so, you know, dressed nicely, you know, clean, well groomed, and happy and ready to begin a new chapter. But statistically and sadly, and it depends, I suppose, on which sources that you look to, we're looking at between four and five of these marriages, most likely will not last, that they will end in divorce. And, you know, that is something that is a pretty discouraging statistic, really, to think about the high hopes that people had, and nearly half of these relationships won't last. And then we talk about the fact as we go on further, well, what about the five that stay together? You know, what's going to happen with them? Statistically, how well does that go? You know, they start out with excitement, they have dreams, but how many of them, how many of them have a great marriage going forward? You know, the marriage that they dreamed about on their wedding day? Well, statistically, really, only one is a great marriage. Only one of those that do stay together have a thriving and a happy marriage. The other that remain maybe is something less, and this group may fall between something that's really miserable, but they're just tolerating each other. You know, it's something short, though, of what they dreamed about, of a happy and thriving marriage. And I suppose a lot of these, you know, that stick together, you know, they're probably somewhere between miserable and a good marriage, or somewhere in between. And maybe it's a fragile relationship, and maybe they're trying not to rock the boat too much, in a sense, as they strive to maintain the relationship.

But these four here, in a sense, that were ones really only great marriage, I'd like to focus on the four that are left, because statistically, I think that's probably where most of the majority of marriages are, perhaps even in the church. Because I know that when Jelinda and I first got married, there were some things that we had to learn. There were some things that, you know, you set off and you think that, you know, you're just going to meet the person of your dreams, and press still. Everything's just going to be easy on a greased skid, so to speak, downhill. How could we have problems? You know, we're so much in love. You know, when people say, I do, I think they sincerely believe, sincerely, that they're going to be perfectly happy with their new spouse. But sometimes, with even and within days, we begin to find out that that's not necessarily the case.

You know, when Jelinda and I entered our marriage, you know, they give you a marriage license, but you really don't have to have any training for it. You don't go through any special training or education, and all you have to do is to go down to the courthouse, and you have to sign a piece of paper, and they issue you a license. And you know, a lot of times, we think it's going to go really well, but then reality hits us, and it's not exactly what we expected. We thought we knew this person, but certain things can come along for the way. I didn't know, really, how to make Jelinda happy. I had a few things to learn. I thought I knew, but I began to realize, you know, as we began to start our relationship, that certain things came up, and I had some things to learn. But a lot of us, I think, plan a lot for the big day, but sometimes don't plan so much for the life after that, for every day after that. Why is it, you think, that there are so many couples that aren't able to realize the great marriage that really that God had intended all along? Why is it that so many marriages don't result in really what God intends? Well, the media probably doesn't help us a lot, in a sense, because really the truth is that marriage isn't easy, that it takes work. You know, you've got two different people, two people that are coming from different backgrounds, two people with different likes, you know, that have different personalities, and they are both trying to become one. And most people necessarily didn't grow up around maybe good examples of a marriage. A lot of people haven't had that, and so we tend to pick up on the example that we see, or that we observed growing up. We tend to imitate what we see and hear. When we got married, I was really ill-equipped to really know a lot of things about how to make Jelinda happy. I had some things that I needed to learn. True? Okay, she's giving me a funny expression here. Okay.

You know, it took us a while to learn a few things. There were some things that we needed to look at the Scriptures to take a look at, and we began to learn some things, some Scriptural principles that we're going to cover today that really helped our relationship going forward. Now, we still don't have a perfect marriage, because there really isn't one out there, but we're beginning to strive, and we're getting to grow, and we're beginning to head in that direction.

You know, some of the things that we're going to talk about today are very simple concepts, but actually they're also very profound concepts, and in fact, that's usually the way God's way works, doesn't it? It's simple and yet profound at the same time, but being able to implement it and be able to live it, though, can begin to make a very, very powerful difference.

Marriage does take work, but whether we're hoping to be married or whether we have been married, and whether we've been married one day or whether we've been married 70 years, there's still progress that we can make. There's still things that we can do. Our work really isn't ever really done. So let's take a look here as we go along, and the title again is A Better Marriage and Family Through Love and Respect.

Now, you may think this doesn't really apply to me. Some people here are married. Some people are not married, hoping to be married. And some people maybe are no longer married, don't intend to be. But we are still responsible, in a sense, to be able to teach this information to our children or to our grandchildren or possibly someday in the kingdom of God. So let's begin. Let's take a look at some basic understandings of marriage that God reveals through Scripture. As we look at Matthew chapter 19 and verse 4, we begin to understand that this is God-ordained. This is not a man-made thing. That this is a holy union ordained and set apart by God.

And when people come together, when two people come together and they take marriage vows, it's bound by God Himself. You know, Christ is speaking in this context here, and He's being questioned about divorce. And we look at Matthew chapter 19 and verse 4. It says, and He answered, and He said, Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female? And said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one. They become one flesh, so that they are no longer two, but one flesh.

Therefore, notice what God has joined together. Let not man separate. So here we see in Christ's own words here that from the beginning, and Christ is quoting here from Genesis chapter two, and nothing's changed here in the nearly 4000 years since this was written in Genesis chapter two that God says, having to Jesus is having to read. Nothing's changed. God made them male and female. They are no longer two, but they're one, a husband and wife. And so they come together as two, becoming one, and they begin to start their own family separate from the family of the household of their parents. So man didn't create marriage. This institution isn't man-made, but it's divinely created, set apart, and made special by God himself.

And so really then only God, who is the originator and the author of marriage, only he really is qualified to define the roles and the keys to how a marriage can be successful, and to really bring the true joy and happiness that God designed. And so because God has created this, because he's the originator, he doesn't leave us in the dark.

He doesn't leave us to guess how we can have a wonderful marriage. And so he lays down some very important principles for all of us here. And like all of his teachings, if we practice those things and we practice those principles, then good things begin to happen. So marriage can be exciting, and it can be happy, and it can be successful, and it can be something that is so wonderful where the two begin to become one.

They begin to share things. They begin to almost think alike as they work together, and they grow together, and they help each other. It can be that type of a delight, and there can be benefits. Not only for themselves, but for other people around them. But it's only if we follow the formula that God laid out.

And on the other side, if we don't follow the principles that God talks about here, because we either don't know them, or ignorant of them, or we simply ignore them, well then we know that the fruit is going to be different. There'll be marital problems, and that'll cause pain, and that'll cause sorrow, and that'll cause difficulty, not only for ourselves, but for other people. So God is not mocked. You know, He says, you know, this is the way walk in it. He's not mocked. He says, this way works, and I want you to go this way, but you choose.

Let's go over to Malachi chapter 2 and verse 14. We begin to understand that marriage is a covenant relationship. I think we understand what a covenant is. It's like a contract. It's something that we agree to, that we're saying, you know, there are two parties, at least two parties that are involved, and I am one of those parties, and I'm going to make certain promises of something that I am going to do. So let's go over to Malachi chapter 2 and verse 14, and we'll see here what God has to say here about this topic and about the fact that marriage is a covenant relationship. It says, verse 14 of Malachi chapter 2, yet you say, for what reason? Because the Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth with whom you have dealt treacherously. She is your companion and your wife by covenant. God says, hey, wait a minute. Why are you dealing treacherously with this spouse of yours, with this wife of yours? You entered into a relationship, you entered into a covenant where you made specific promises of what you were going to do. And it's obvious here that you are not supposed to be dealing treacherously with someone that you made totally different promises to. In fact, you made a promise you would not deal treacherously. Yet she is your companion and your wife by covenant. But did he not make them one? So God says, look, you are no longer two. Once you enter into this relationship, once you enter into this covenant, you are not yourself, in a sense, any longer. There are two people that have become one. And why one? But did he not make them one having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. So that's one of the reasons for family and for marriage, not the only one. But that's one of them. It's that he seeks godly offspring. Therefore, take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. So God speaks pretty succinctly here, pretty graphically here, that, look, you have responsibilities. Make sure that you fulfill them and don't deal treacherously, gentlemen, with our wives. All right. Let's talk about family for a little bit here.

Family, you know, we often think that a family consists of husband and wife and children, but really a family begins with husband and wife. They make up a family. And so a new family begins with a husband and wife. Now, a family can grow as each person is born. If we have children, it can continue to expand, but it really begins with husband and wife. And they are the two. It begins with a husband and wife. Genesis 22, verse 24, says, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, be joined to his wife, and they shall be one flesh. So it is the two, husband and wife, or mother and father, that are the center of a family. Children aren't necessarily the center of a family. Father and mother are. Husband and wife are. Now, dads can do a lot, though, in beginning to teach the children as they begin to grow up, and they eventually will have their own marriage. But dads can do a lot to let the children know how important the mother is in the family. When dad arrives home, he can tell the children, you know what, he can give them a hug and say hello, but you know what, let me say hello to mother, too, and give her a hug and a kiss, and the children begin to see that mother is very, very important in the family. And he can begin to kind of, in a sense, greet her and make her a priority, and then turn his attention to the children. The children will actually begin to see and learn and know that mom is special. Mom is special, and she's important. Another way that once you have children, that the father can be important here, and setting an example to the children, is to have a date night where you take your wife out on a date, even if you have a family. I mean, if you have children, you take them out on a date and find someone to take the children, whether it be a grandparent or whether it be an aunt or whether it be a, you know, neighbor or friend that you can trust, a babysitter, and be able to stay, spend some time with your spouse.

And the children, again, begin to see, wow, mom's important to dad because he takes special care of her. He wants to spend time with her. Another way to show an example to the parents, or rather to the children, that the wife is important to the husband is what's something that's called couch time. I don't know if you've heard about that, but the father has gotten home for the evening, and maybe you've had dinner, and you spend a few minutes with each other. While the children are playing, you give them a toy or maybe a book to read or something, and you spend five to ten minutes talking with each other. And the children have a chance to witness that mom and dad really care for each other. They really love each other. They want to spend time with each other, and they begin to have a feeling of comfort, of being able to feel that, you know what, there's a piece knowing that mom and dad really care for each other, and they have a love for one another. That these two people that are the most important people in their world are comfortable with each other and have a good relationship. You know, we've seen really in the world today that there's a lot of problems with behavior with children, but some of the statistics tell us if you want to calm a child, if you want to help change their behavior into a better behavior, the research has shown that when children see love between their two parents, that the sleeping problems begin to improve, that maybe they have, or they have less nightmares, you know, during the night, or less tantrums, and so there's improved behavior among the next young generation that's growing up. In other words, I think the bottom line is that children thrive when there's peace and love between their parents. Let's go to Genesis chapter 2 and verse number 18. We touched on the fact that man did not create marriage, and Genesis 2 is the same chapter that Christ was quoting when we were reading from Matthew chapter 19, but in verse number 18 he says, and the Lord said, it's not good that man should be alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him. Notice it wasn't good that man should be alone. You know, everything that talks about in the scriptures, it says when God created it, it was good. But interestingly, before the woman came on the scene, I mean, what had been made so far when we talk about Adam was good as far as it went, but it wasn't good for man to be alone. God saw that, and he saw that men, we were lacking. We were not complete. We were incomplete, and we needed a helper. We needed to help meet, and so God's made sure that that happened. You know, we need men. We need what a wife brings to the relationship. We need what the wife brings to the family. That is God-designed, and that's the way that he made it. And of course, women are not complete either.

They also need what the man brings to the relationship and what the man brings to the family. You know, we live in a world that is attacking and rejecting what we're talking about today. We live in a world that rejects this revelation, and they're rejecting God's institution, which he ordained, and also the rules that God gave in the relationship.

Notice God said he'd make man a helper, woman, someone who would be comparable to him. Not exactly the same, but they're very much the same, but not exactly a helper. You know, the King James says, I help meet for him. The New Living Translation puts it this way, a helper who is just right for him. You know, literally, helper could be translated one like or as himself, standing opposite to or before him. Now, the world is rejecting some of these types of roles here.

It seems like we have a hard time finding the balance here. We go from one side to the other, one ditch to the other. The world rejects the wife's role, generally speaking, in the relationship, because man as a whole has misunderstood what this relationship is, the great relationship that it is, and the partnership that it is that God has created, and they've long, in a sense, oppressed. We look at this, you know, men have gone to the one side of the ditch here, and they've oppressed women. That's not according to God's ordained role. I mean, men shouldn't be doing that. And so, you know, we've talked about women are inferior, and so men have often been very selfish, that, you know, I'll use this person to my own advantage. And so they become to the point of being very selfish and feel that they need to be served, and that these women need to be pressed down, and their opinions really don't matter that much. You know, we've seen that in societies around the world and in this country as well at certain times. And then on the other side of the ditch, we see comments, or we hear comments such as this, well, you know, I don't need these guys, I don't need men, or no one is going to tell me what to do, or why should we have the responsibility to be in charge. What's the deal with that? So we begin to see here some of the thoughts that we've seen over the years, or heard over the years. But what does God say? You know, God never says that. God defines the roles that a man will play. God created the family order, and God appointed man with a very important responsibility to be the leader of the family. That is not an easy role to serve, because that is a very important responsibility that we have to really to account to God for, for our wives and for our families, for our children. And so God's appointed man as the leader of that family, but it wasn't good that we were alone in doing it. In order to make it good, God created a partner to help us. And that means they have a vitally important role to play in the relationship as well, and no lesser of importance. That's not always thought out there in the world today, but no lesser of importance, simply a different and a vitally important role. In the way that God designed marriage to be, the woman would never want to reject the loving authority of her husband, because it would be a needed blessing for her. And the same for a man. You know, the role a woman is meant to play in the relationship is a needed role for the man and should be a blessing. You know, mankind's the problem with this. It's not the ways, the roles, and the way that God set it up. That's not the problem. We are the problem here.

Women are not inferior. And the Bible backs this up. Let's notice that in 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse number 7. 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse 7. It says, husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding. I think some translations say dwell with them according to knowledge. So dwell with your wife according to understanding. I think we're talking about scriptural understanding here.

Giving honor to the wife. And honor is just what we're talking about. You're placing them in a special place. You are honoring her, not belittling, not taking advantage of, not being selfish and say you only serve me. But giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel. And that's another thing that a lot of people have said. Yeah, she's weaker. She doesn't know as much. She's not as intelligent. That's not what this is talking about at all. We're all weak vessels. God is the master potter, and he has made us as vessels. And generally speaking, not always true, but generally speaking, men have more physical strength. They should use that strength to help other people, including their wives. But in a sense, honoring her as the weaker vessel. And we've probably heard the analogy over the years that as a weaker vessel, meaning something like a fine crystal, like a vessel that contains wine, a fine crystal glass, which is very precious and serves a vitally important function. A different function than that hard beer stein, you know, that you, that the guys may be compared to. You know, that's got its place. But there's also a place for a fine crystal wine glass that can perform a function that the men will never be able to do.

And vice versa. And so we see here that we give honor to the wife as to this special treasure, this special vessel, maybe a weaker one physically, but it's not inferior, not inferior, not weaker in intelligence, not weaker, you know, in spiritual matters.

So it's a special crystal wine glass for the vital purpose. And then notice as being heirs together. We're in this together. Being heirs together the grace of life that your prayers may not be hindered. Let's also notice in Galatians chapter three and verse number 27. Let's go there as well. Galatians chapter three and verse number 27. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ. Now he's talking to men and women here. He says that we're baptized into Christ and we put on Christ. Verse 28 that there is neither Jew nor Greek. There is neither slave nor free. There is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. So we begin to see here that one isn't necessarily more vital than the other. They're both vital. And they work together with a synergy that has greater power than either of the two could ever be able to do separately. It's God designed when two become one, that they can go further. Why does this matter?

You know, is it true that God did not give us the same equal roles in the family? I think it's true. God did not give us the same exact roles in the family. But then these roles are for our good because each person has their place, it has their role. When we do our proper part and we fulfill our responsibility, that produces good fruit, that produces joy and happiness that can't come if we don't do it. We don't fulfill our rules. You know, Christ himself gave himself completely. He humbled himself in a sense and he became a servant. And so we, working together, are servants as well. We serve each other and we serve others. And the role that we play does not determine our value. And so that's important to understand.

Not only do we have different roles, we know that there are some differences between men and women.

And really, that's what makes us better when we work together. And those differences were actually given to us by God. Those differences, for example, a woman's tenderness. You know, that's a God, really, that's a Godly quality. Women tend to have that generally more than men do. That's a God-given quality that God himself has. And it seems like generally he's put more of an abundance of that in women than he has in men. And yet that's a very important quality. It's a Godly quality. And he's put that into women's makeup. And the same for men. God puts qualities in men, generally speaking, that often women don't have. Now there are always exceptions going either way. But he's put some qualities in men, maybe not, you know, in the same quantities, but different qualities in men. And in order to have a great marriage, we have to realize and appreciate, and we have to love those differences because they are qualities of God. And they were given by God. Remember, it wasn't good that man should be alone. You know, he needed a helper. We often talk about the fact that our spouse is the better half, you know, but really our two halves become a whole.

We become one complete couple together, each bringing different strengths to the relationship.

You know, it's a human thing to think, you know, they don't think like me, so there's something wrong with them. What's wrong with her? She doesn't think like me. That's a human, human reasoning. You know, more of a spiritual, mature reasoning would be, you know what? I need to hear that other side because there may be something that I'm missing, and God has given me that helper.

There may be something I'm missing, and I need some help. Let's turn to an important scripture here, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse number 33. Again, God did not give us this gift of marriage without giving us an understanding of the principles in order for us to have a great marriage. And there's a key scripture here that I think a lot of men, including myself, haven't always understood and really need to understand in order to have a great marriage. And some of these principles here I'm still personally working at, still trying to wrap my mind around and trying to implement in my own marriage. But no matter how long we've been married, you know, we've got to be dedicated to overcoming and changing and begin to implement things that God reveals to us through the scriptures because that's our calling. We're supposed to change. We're supposed to be converted from one thing to another on our journey to the kingdom of God. Let's take a look at a key scripture here, Ephesians chapter 5. You probably recall that this is a section of scripture that we often utilize as we go through some of the covenant marriage vows that we make. And one thing to understand is when we covenant with each other, we're actually covenant with God that we are promising that we will fulfill these responsibilities to the other person. A lot of people think we're covenant with each other. These two husbands, bride and groom, are covenant with each other, but they're really telling God as a witness, God's there is a witness in the presence of all the other witnesses, that I will do my individual responsibility with this other person.

But let's take a look here. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 33. I want to focus here. So again, I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

You know, these are two commands. We often think of, you know, okay, the 10 commandments, we need to keep these. But this is a command as well here. There are many commands throughout scripture, and this says that husbands must love their wives as they love themselves, and a wife must respect her husband. You know, the word love here is agape. You may have heard some messages over the years of agape, what that means. It's an unconditional love, in a sense. And so we have a command here that the husband must love his wife, and the wife has a command that she must respect her husband. In other words, show him respect, show him reverence. Now, we've probably heard these things before, right? We've probably heard them before. But don't to note, because I've heard some of these things over the years too, but sometimes knowing it and getting it and implementing are two different things. And so the depth has to be there. Now, why does Paul say this?

Why these two commands? Because I think Paul, through the inspiration of God, understood that husbands are commanded to love their wives because it's what she really desperately needs. She's motivated by love, and she can face the world, and she can face the difficulties and the trials and the challenges if she feels loved by her husband. It becomes, in a sense, her primary fuel.

Now, Paul, I think, was also inspired by God to understand that women are commanded to respect their husbands because that's what he needs. That's what drives him. That's his primary fuel. And he needs love, but I think he needs respect even more than that. He's motivated by respect. He can face the world, and its challenges and its difficulties if he knows his wife respects him, if he feels that respect. It's his primary fuel. Now, this may sound simple, but it's really very, very profound.

This can't really solve all the problems in a marriage, can it? These two commands, you know, all of the problems with the kids, all the problems between each other, the financial problems, you know, the problems in the bedroom, the problems of how we're going to raise the children, how the problems of how we spend our time, our free time. You know, if we think back to relationships that we've known, that we've seen struggle, whether it's our parents or whether it's a neighbor or, you know, an aunt or uncle, what have you, you know, often the wife was in agony because she was just screaming to be loved, and the husband was miserable because he was just begging for respect. It's not that we both don't want love and respect in that sense, but we were made different. I think God, through Paul, began to reveal that a man's primary motivator is to be shown respect, and a woman's or wife's primary motivation in life is to be shown love. Now, at the end of the message here, we're going to get into some ways of how to communicate love and respect back and forth to each other, so we'll talk about that here in a moment.

I'm going to refer to a book that was put out by Focus on the Family a while back.

It's a book entitled Love and Respect. Some of you may have heard of it. Some of you may have even read it. It's written by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and one of the things that Dr. Eggerichs brings out is that there's a cycle between men and women who naturally withhold love and respect when they are not given their primary motivator. So, for example, you know, no husband is going to naturally feel warm, loving feelings towards his wife when he doesn't feel respected by her. That's not his first natural reaction to show these warm, loving feelings towards his wife when he doesn't feel respected. And so, we see the same thing with a wife, and vice versa. In a sense, you know, no woman is going to feel deep admiration and respect for her husband when she doesn't feel that she's loved and cherished by him.

So, when a man feels this way, naturally his first reaction, when he feels the way he does, he's going to withhold that love that his wife really needs and desires. And her need to be loved is going to be underlined by her lack of respect for him, real or perceived. So, we see we get into what they call the crazy cycle. You know, he withholds love and she reacts without respect. And so, you know, she doesn't feel love, she doesn't give respect, he doesn't get respect, so he doesn't give love. So, this is a human reaction here, is how human means would normally react. So, today in the message today, and we may be tempted to focus on the shortcomings of our spouse if we are married, but I hope we can come to the realization here that we've all failed at times in our responsibilities that we have in our relationship. And so, we want to really focus on ourselves. And I think if we're honest with ourselves, we'll see that individually we failed and we've contributed probably to the crazy cycle here that's referred to as the crazy cycle.

And if we have failed, you know, we shouldn't be dwelling on the failure of our spouse saying, well, you know, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing because you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. Okay? That's not focusing on our own responsibility. And also, the message today is to each individual. We can't change anyone else, we can only change ourselves.

And so, God, we're going to cover some scriptures here in a moment of the responsibilities that God has given to us regardless of whether the spouse is doing their responsibilities or not.

You know, we live in a world where most husbands feel disrespected and they feel unappreciated by their wives on a regular basis. And unless that man makes a conscious choice otherwise, he's naturally going to begin to shut down the communication. And then what transpires is that cycle because our needs are not being met, so we're not giving out what the spouse needs as well, and their needs are not being met. And the result here is that really out of 10 marriages, on average, only one is really a great marriage. Only one is really happy.

So do we understand the cycle? Wives, do you understand that when you are feeling a love you naturally not communicate respect. That's probably pretty simple to understand. And husbands, if you feel you're not being respected, you are naturally probably not going to communicate love.

So understanding this cycle that keeps going round and round and round is extremely important to fixing it in order to have a great marriage. Now, most couples never even understand the dynamics of what's happening here. It's a simple dynamic, but they are often in constant in defense or denial or they have a defensive reaction, and their responses continue to fuel this crazy cycle here. And these responses that are natural for us is something that God says, but not you. You're my sons and daughters, and I don't want you to go with your natural response. I want you to choose something different. I want you to fight against these natural responses. And I believe that's why God inspired Paul to command men to unconditionally agape their wives, regardless of whether their wives are respecting them. To do that goes against the grain of human nature. It goes against the grain of what we would naturally do. But God commands us and teaches us to respond differently to Scripture.

Notice I said unconditional love, and I haven't said it yet, but unconditional respect. I think one of the biggest mistakes we can make in our marriage is to link these two commands as if they're somehow conditional upon each other. But God never said that. He never said husbands love your wives as long as she respects you. I don't see that in the Scripture. Do you?

Nor does he say to the wives, respect your husbands as long as he loves you in the way you deserve.

He doesn't say that, you know? So we can be going along having a good day, as a couple, and then how long does it take between the time that you start and then all of a sudden a short time later someone feels unloved or unrespected, and then we react according to the crazy cycle, and then the whole day gets ruined. Hours of frustration. Things don't go well. And so let's go on here. But the truth is, and this truth is crucial to having a great marriage, a husband is commanded by God to love his wife irregardless of whether she respects him or not.

God's command to him is to love your wife, and a wife is commanded by God to respect your husband, regardless of whether or not the husband obeys God's command to love her.

You know, God tells us, do your own verse, doesn't he? He says, do your own verse. It is not contingent upon the other person doing their verse. You know what? Like it or not, that's what we signed up for when we entered this covenant relationship. That is what we promised to God that we would do, whether or not the other person fulfilled their commandment or not. So, you know, when you think about it, when you think about counseling with younger people about who they're going to marry, whether it be a teen or whether you yourself are contemplating marriage, you should really carefully consider, who is it that I really want to unconditionally love? Or who is it that I want to unconditionally respect? Because that's what we're signing up for. So we get a choice. God says, make it a good one. But some may ask, well, that's impossible, isn't it, to love or respect it regardless? That's impossible, isn't it? No, it's not. Is it hard? Absolutely. No doubt. No question. Would God give us a command that we could not fulfill? You know, I think the answer is no. God wouldn't give us a command we can't fulfill and then punish us for not fulfilling it. Now, how God designed it to work is that both couples are working at this. No doubt. It takes two really to be able to walk together, two to be agreed, two to have a great marriage. So no doubt that's how God designed it to work. But, and it's a lot easier when both parties are doing their part, but what happens if one doesn't? What happens if one stops? You know, we have our own individual responsibilities, don't we? And they're completely separate from our our mates. And it's not our job necessarily to throw our responsibilities or their responsibilities in their face, in a sense. And I can tell you from experience that probably won't work very well if you've tried that, because that vicious cycle is just going to keep right on going. You know, you should be doing your part, and I'd be doing my part if you'd be doing your part. No.

That's not how it works. Our mates' responsibility is their responsibility, and your responsibility is your responsibility. We simply have to worry about our own part, our own verse. I heard a story, we were at a marriage seminar out in Cincinnati, and one of the ministers was talking about an example of his wife had a habit of being late, and that really, really frustrated him. You know, it seemed like no matter what happened, how hard he said, honey, we've got to leave at a certain time, it just hardly ever happened. And they were often late, and that would make him very frustrated. He was a very organized person. He wanted to be there on time. He felt that was a respectful thing to do, is to be there on time. And often, most of the time, she'd be late. That just got him so upset. And he'd say, you're not respecting me! You know? How many times do I have to tell you, you know, to be on time? He said there was another married couple that had the similar dynamic in their family, where his wife also would often be late. In fact, still was late. But they seemed to get along better than the first couple that I talked about. So he took this guy out to lunch, and he said, how is it that you, your wife has the same problem as mine, and yet you're at peace, and you're at ease, and things are going well, you know, on the Sabbath day, or any other day, for that matter, when they're late? You know, what is it that you do? He said, you know, I had to make a choice. He said, you know, she knows when I want to leave. She knows.

And he said, but I have a choice as a leader of the family. If I make a big deal out of it, while in the car, on the way to services, or on the way to the wedding, or, you know, funeral, or the social, or wherever they're headed, if I make a big deal out of it, he said, often our whole day can be ruined. And with me having the responsibility, and being the leader of the family, and also, you know, it would affect the children, if we start to argue, and we go around and around about this again, he said, it'll affect my whole family in a negative way. He says, you know, he said I, he said I could get upset, and then our family will have hours of frustration.

We said, or I can choose to continue to love her, and be friends with her, and enjoy our day, you know, and my family will enjoy the rest of their day, and we'll all be together. He says, I have a choice, and my choice isn't dependent on her choice.

That's pretty powerful, isn't it? Wow! That's a, that's a pretty big spiritual maturity that that man has. He says, my, this man said, my wife has improved over time, and she's worked on a lot. And he says, he says, do you think it was her knowing that we were running behind again that's helped her to change, or do you think it was because of my approach of still loving her, even though she knows how I feel about the situation, which made her want to respect me? Being unloved or loved? I think we know the answer. So these two commands are unconditional, and they are not linked together, even though humanly we will do all we can to try to link them. I'll do my part if you'll start doing yours. So I'll start doing my part when you start doing yours. They're not linked at all in Scripture. Let's go to 1 Peter chapter 3 and verse number 1.

Even if one person begins to address the principles that are found in Scripture, and the other one does not, that can make a positive difference. So normally it's a lot easier when both are doing their God-ordained commands. But what if only one of them is? Let's take a look here. One person can make a difference. It says, In the same way you wives must accept the authority of your husbands, then even if some refuse to obey the good news, your godly lives, your example, in other words, will speak to them the way you live, the way you obey the principles of the Scripture. Your godly lives will speak to them without any words, and they will be won over by observing, observing your pure and reverent lives. Now we talked about the fact that these commands are unconditional. They're not dependent on how the other spouse acts, but solely on our individual responsibilities. But also notice that God says, even when our spouse is not a hectic right, if our behavior is right, then that can have an amazing effect on the other spouse, even causing some unbelieving spouses to be won over, in part due to the behavior of living a godly life. Now that's truly an amazing principle that God is revealing to us here.

So what this shows is, is even if one person breaks one of these vicious cycles here and responds in a spiritual way instead of a natural way, they respond in a spiritual way with either love or respect when their natural inclination will be to do otherwise, it can begin to help affect this cycle. It can stop the cycle, and it can actually help produce peace.

You know, at some point we have to ask ourselves, am I willing to stop and change the cycle that has been existing in my marriage? You know, if you agree and understanding that wives are motivated by love and that husbands are motivated by respect, then what would hold us back?

What would hold us back from doing that? Probably ourselves. You know, we're afraid. You know, afraid of how I will be treated if I show them unconditional love or unconditional respect. You know, a wife will often be afraid that if she shows unconditional respect, that she might be taken advantage of. She might be treated like a doormat. You know, a husband, he might be afraid that if he shows unconditional love, that she will continue to gripe and complain at him and make him feel worthless, in a sense. All the while he's being kind and thoughtful to her. In order to break these bad cycles, because that's exactly what they are, we have to communicate. And to do that, we have to do it according to the scriptures, with love and respect. Now, that's sometimes a lot harder for the men than it is for the women, because we often men aren't as good and natural at communicating love. That's not something that comes easily or natural. Women seem to have a little bit more of a natural ability to communicate respect than men do having a natural ability to communicate love. During conflict, women often want to talk about it. They want to work it out. And men, in order to love our wives, we've got to be willing to listen. We've got to be willing to communicate, and in doing so, in loving ways. When we either feel unloved or unrespected or disrespected, it's natural for us to want to tell our mate, you did this. You did that. But the fact of the matter is, all that does is add to this cycle here. It gets it spinning out of control. A natural human reaction is that we respond to our feelings, the way we're feeling with either a lack of love or because of the way we're feeling, we'll respond with a lack of respect. When I'm feeling disrespected for my wife, I need to try to understand that my wife must be feeling unloved.

If she's treating me with disrespect, there's a good chance that I have not been treating her with love. I need to think about that. The author of this book, Dr. Eckrichs, encourages men to stop and ask this question, which is something that I wouldn't have thought about. Did I do something that made you feel unloved? Okay, guys, can you imagine talking to your spouses? You know, is there something... you're not... you're not feeling respected. Did I do something that made you feel unloved? You know, the wife was probably taken by a surprise by something like that. She may think, well, he didn't say what I did or didn't do. He wants to know what he did to make me feel unloved, and that can be disarming. And she's got an opportunity to allow herself to explain how she feels. She's not... doesn't have the defensive barriers up.

He's asking her. He's opening up the conversation in the dialogue. He's saying, is there something that I did? You know? Now, I'm not saying this is going to be easy because this isn't our natural tendency. This isn't going to come naturally to most men here. But I would suggest that we try it if we've never done it. Instead of having the bad cycle that we talked about begin to start spinning, it can stop that cycle. And it's often best to nip these things in the bud before they have a chance to get too far down the road. The wife can do the same thing. When she realizes she's feeling unloved by her husband, she senses it. It doesn't take long. And she senses it. It's a trigger to ask her husband. Have I made you feel disrespected in some way? Now, that's disarming. It's disarming to do that.

When this bad cycle starts to spin, I think the sooner we ask these questions, the easier it is to stop what's happening. So much easier to see the faults in somebody else, see the faults in our mate, than it is to stop and step back and seek information about what we might be doing that is adding to this problem. And maybe we've even started the problem, but we've been blind to it. It's much easier to attack our spouse than it is to admit that we might be part of this problem. And I think it takes spiritual maturity to actually stop ourselves in our tracks and even ask ourselves some of those questions. Can we as husbands ask ourselves, is my wife coming across me disrespectingly because she's feeling unloved? Can we ask ourselves that question? Most of the time she's going to respond with respect, but the more often we do it, the more often respect can come her way, can come her way to go, can become her way to go. Can wives ask, is my husband coming across unloving because he is feeling disrespected? Typically, I think good things happen when we respond with respect, but it does go against our nature. We may have to will ourselves to do it because that's the command. That's what God commands. It goes against our human nature, but that is not the nature that God is building in you and I. We respond in a godly way, not a natural way, not a human nature way. God is changing us. We don't return evil for evil, and that's a choice, and that's how we begin to change. God's designed marriage for us, and the way he does it can feel unnatural at first.

My love, that felt disrespectful to me. Did I come across as unloving previously? That's not a natural reaction. You know, at this point now, I'm going to begin to talk to the men here. We're going to focus on some things. You ladies can pay attention if you like, but I'm going to focus on the men here for a moment here. We all need help sometimes to understand the opposite sex. God made us different, and it's part of what makes, I think, the opposite sex sometimes so intriguing and fascinating to us. So, men, the way we show love to our wives often takes the form, naturally, of, well, we're working at our jobs. We're providing a living. That's how we're showing love to our wives. You know, we're providing for them financially. That's how we think that we're communicating love to our wives. We've got a job. We're there to help her to have the nice things, or we're there to, you know, take out the trash, or we're, you know, we take care of some of the things around the house, the yard, that type of thing. And we think that these are the things that show love to our wives. That's a part of it, but I think we'll see that there's more. It's important in what we do, it's important that we begin to understand what it is that communicates love to our wives. Ephesians chapter 5 and verse number 25.

God begins to help us to understand. He says, husbands love your wives. And if we just stop right there, boy, yeah, that's what I do. I love her. And, you know, I take out the trash, smelly trash, and I take care of the yard work, and I provide for her. I love her. So if we just stop right there, husbands love your wives, we would not understand really how far this scripture goes. It goes a lot farther. Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. Ooh, I have to love my wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. That's a whole sermon in itself, isn't it? He gave himself for, he died for her. You know, as husbands, that should stop us in our tracks. That is, God is beginning to communicate how far it goes in communicating our love is not only a, you know, possibly a literal sacrifice of giving our life, but certainly a living sacrifice. We fail. Men, we fail. Daily, probably on this command that God has given us for us to love our wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. It's an extremely high bar that God has set for the men. A boundless love, an unending love, an unconditional love.

You know, men, we just simply need to look at a very simple and yet profound example, Jesus Christ. And now he loved the church.

This book that was written by Dr. Eggrichs, he develops an acronym for men to remember on several different ways to communicate this type of love to their spouses, to their wives. The acronym is couple. And so, men, if we can, we need to remember couple. It's a, it's an acronym here. We're going to cover each of the letters here. Closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, and esteem. So each letter refers to these words here. We're going to cover each of these words here specifically here. Let's start with closeness.

This is how we begin to communicate that we really care, that we really love. Gentlemen, we hold our hand. We hug her. We're affectionate, not always with sexual intentions.

We want to spend time. We've touched on that already. Even once the children come into the family, we go for a walk. We go for a bike ride. We spend time together. We make time. We set up a date. It shows each other that we care. It shows, shows her that we want to spend time with her.

We want to know her thoughts and her opinions. We want to know what's on her mind. And she senses that we're looking for help. We're looking for her opinions. We're looking for feedback. Those all have to do with closeness, and that begins to communicate love from husband to a wife. So we talked about closeness. Let's go on to the next one, which is openness. This is sometimes hard for men. You share your feelings. This is not always a natural thing for men. They want to hold things in. They want to be strong. They don't necessarily want to let some of the most private things out, even to the person that is closest to them.

But if we are showing love, we're going to share our feelings. We're going to share our difficulties. We're going to share the things that have happened during the day.

And we're not rushing to end the conversation so that we can go to a golf match, or we can watch the sporting event on television, or we want to read the newspaper or check the email. She's a priority. We're not rushing off to do other things. We're wanting to share time with her.

We discuss financial concerns, and we're asking for her opinions and her thoughts, and you know what she thinks. We share ideas for the future. It's all part of opening ourselves up.

You know, where do we want to be five or ten years from now? How are we going to address this problem with our son or our daughter, or maybe an issue that's happening at church, you know, with our church family? Let's go to the next one. The U stands for understanding. Man, we really listen. Not always one of our better traits. And be able to repeat back to her what she said, because then she knows you really heard her. Okay, you know, you can tell her what she just told you. That's a good sign that you were listening. And gentlemen, don't always try to fix the problems. You know, a lot of times I try to do that. I didn't realize it was my way of trying to show love. I'm trying to help my wife, but sometimes she doesn't want an answer. She just wants someone to listen. She's not looking for the problem to be fixed, you know. Now, she may ask you for a solution, then you should bring everyone, but don't always assume as she starts to say the problems that are in her life, that you start immediately coming up with solutions. Just hear her out. Try to understand what she's going through. Identify how she's feeling. Don't dismiss her, you know. A lot of times men, because we don't have that same feeling about the issue, you can just say, ah, you know, you don't have the right understanding here, and we just kind of shrug it off. That's not what she needs. She needs to be heard.

So, identify how she's feeling. Don't dismiss her thoughts, and then tell her that you appreciate what she's sharing with you.

And don't interrupt. Try to listen without interruption, and apologize when you're wrong. Cut her some slack during certain times in the month, and that, you know, she'll get through it. It may not make sense to you, but just cut her some slack. She'll come around, and then pray for her, the things that she's struggling with.

Pray with her. When she's opening up the things that she's struggling with, don't shrug them off, but pray with her about it. Let's go on to the next one. Peacemaking.

Let her tell you how she's feeling, but don't get angry and shut down her communication. Don't shut her down. Don't shut off the communication. You seek peace by apologizing and asking for her forgiveness. Be careful not to just shrug it off and say, well, just forget it. And really, without solving the problem and not addressing the issue, you seek to repair the breaches and forgive her quickly. You know, let go of the bitterness and reassure the love and restore, you know, the relationship and the peace and the love.

Let's go on to the next one. I know this is a lot of information. You probably won't be able to write all this down, but if you'd like to get copies of these last few slides, I can certainly get them to you. Just let me know by email and I'll get them to you. Next one is loyalty.

And this is something a lot of men cut down their wives in public. Sometimes they're with their buddies. They're at the bar and they're bringing out all those little frustrations that they have, and sometimes they do it in her presence. Don't ever do that. Honor her. That's not honoring her if you and I do that. Speak highly of her in front of others. Don't ever put her down. Highly of her in front of the children. Men, we lead the family. It's our responsibility to honor our wives. That's a command that God has given to us in Scripture. So we don't put her down. We don't correct her in front of the children. We don't look with an eye towards other women. Those are things that we don't do. Let's go on. Esteem. You tell her you're proud of her for those things that she does, that you are proud of. Let her know. You speak highly of her in front of others, in front of the children. You honor her. You open the door for her. You're willing to try something new that's important to her. She'll let you know, gentlemen. She'll keep bringing it up time after time. Maybe not, you know, two or three times a day, but she'll keep bringing up something. Maybe one week, then the next, then the next. It'll be kind of a reoccurring theme. It's something that's important to her. Show her affection in public. You teach the children to show her respect, value her opinions. Even if you ultimately choose a different path, you try to explain to her, I have the responsibility. I've listened carefully. I do respect your opinion, but I honestly, before God, feel that I need to go in this different direction and let her know, explain to her, make family time important, and her the most important of all. You make sure she knows that you are proud of her. And I know, men, we fall short in some of these areas, I understand, that we can learn and we can be taught. You know, gentlemen, we will fall. We will fail. The Proverbs chapter 24 verse 16 says, a righteous man will fall seven times and he rises again.

And so, a successful couple keeps getting back up and keeps dealing with the issues. And then the couples that have trouble, they don't. They stop. Okay, ladies, your turn now. Just like his unconditional love for you, you've been called to show unconditional respect. Not only when it's earned or deserved, but unconditionally. Your husband needs that. It's a fuel that drives him. Let's turn over to Proverbs chapter 21 verse number 19. It says, it's better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome complaining wife.

It's a true saying for women to take to heart, men. As we learn to truly understand and love our wives, it's important that we recognize that sometimes a woman can become quarrelsome and complaining because she's crying out to be loved by us. So, maybe we need to look at ourselves first. All right, ladies, the sixth letter acronym that this author, Dr. Ekrick, uses for you to remember how to respect your husband's is CHAIRS. It consists of conquest, hierarchy, authority, insight, relationships, and sexuality. So, let's take a look at the first one. Conquest. You could tell him verbally in writing that you value him and his work efforts. Wow!

I can tell you that most men that will go a long ways that you tell him that you value what he is doing with his work. You express your faith in him, in work, in the family. You listen to his stories the same the way that you want him to listen to your stories. You're willing to listen to his stories. You see yourself as his helpmate and counterpart, and you talk about how you can support him whenever possible and allow him to dream. You know, there are some wives I know, you know, that have said, well, that's impossible. You know, you have some reality here. You know, he'll share with him his deepest thoughts about a dream that he has, and boy, don't undercut him. If it really is truly not reality, he'll figure that out.

But he needs to dream, and don't dishonor or subtly criticize his work. That will be devastating to him. Let's go on to the next one. Hierarchy. You vocalize your admiration of him for protecting you and being willing to go all the way, to die for you. That's a pretty big responsibility.

You praise his commitment to provide for you and the family. You don't mock his idea. You know, you don't mock the idea of looking up to him. You don't do that. He might possibly look down on you. You don't put him down about his career, or how much had he made.

When you find yourself in a family situation where money is tight, and I think a lot of us have been in that situation over the years, you support and make the best of a bad situation. You work together.

And when concerns do need to be voiced, they're done with respect and with the willingness to help with offering solutions. Okay, I don't like what's happening here, but I've got some ideas here, some solutions. Let's go on to the next one. Authority. You voice your thankfulness for his strength and your ability to lean on him. You support him as the God-ordained leader of the family. You realize it's not an easy job, and you're there to support him. You praise his good decisions, and you're gracious when he makes his bad ones, because he will.

And don't attack his right to lead. To disagree in private. Honor his authority in front of the children. And if you do disagree with him, you are his helpmate. Do it privately, not necessarily in the audience of the children. Let's go on to the next one.

Insight. Tell him up front when you're simply needing a listening ear and not his counsel or his solutions or his insight. Thank you for his advice. You are respectful that his problem-solving approach is his way of showing love to you. That's just his natural way of trying to offer a solution. So don't put him down for that, but just, you know, basically say nicely, you know, I'm not looking for solutions right now. I just want you to hear me.

You realize your vulnerabilities, especially among males, and value his oversight and protection. You counsel with him respectfully when you differ with his ideas. That's how you can show respect to him. Let's go to the next one. Relationship. You tell him you like him, and you show it. He knows you love him, but often wonders if you like him. You respond to his invitations to engage in recreational activities together, and you come along to watch him. You don't have to do it, you know, every time, but I can tell you that he will notice, and he'll appreciate it if you come. You work shoulder to shoulder with him, but let him lead, which enables him to open up and to share with you, and encourage him sometime to take some time alone. Sometimes a man needs some time alone. Even Christ sometimes had to get away, so he may need an opportunity to watch a sporting event or to read the paper, that type of thing. He just may need some time alone, or maybe with the guys, you know, to have a card game or something. Sexuality. Appreciate his desire for sexual intimacy. You respond to him sexually more often, and you initiate sex periodically, and you understand that he has sexual needs just as you have emotional needs. God's made us a little different that way. It's just the way that we're made, and so understand that.

Over time, we've all done things that have hurt and wounded other people. We've wounded our mates. We've got deep emotional wounds and cuts that we have done. However, if we can't be willing to forgive our mates for their mistakes, for their hurtful words, for their hurtful actions, we can't move forward to a good marriage or even further on to a great marriage. That is something that is hard to do is to let go, but it's something that we have to do. You may ask, what if I'm the only one that's trying? What if I'm the only one trying? Can it still work? Well, it can still work, but it's going to be certainly harder to do. A mate can be won over time, but it will take considerable conviction and dedication. That one mate's side that's trying, that's going to be as helpful, but it can be done. You know, God did design for marriage to be two to become one, and when both dedicate themselves to doing that with unconditional love and respect, bad marriages can become good when both commit, and good marriages can become great. And when this happens, really, that vicious cycle that we talk about stops, or it can slow down or come to a stop, and a new cycle can begin. That's something a little different here. It's called the energy or the energizing cycle.

We can have that begin to work. That dynamic begin to work in the marriage. When we stop responding with our natural impulses, and we begin to respond according to the commands of God, regardless of what the other person is doing or not doing, we can begin to enter into what is called the energizing cycle. Our ultimate goal is to get where we show love and respect, regardless of her respect or his love. That's our goal, individually, is to do our part regardless of whether the other person is doing that. There is a fear here that it won't work, and that holds some couples back. Though I guess we've got to trust that God's way works. We've got to give it a try. God isn't mocked what a man or a woman sows they will reap, so don't give up just because it doesn't seem to be working once you begin to start the process.

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day, and sometimes these things take time, and look for the improvements. Look for even the smallest improvements that begin to grow in the relationship. Now we need to address a really hard question. What if your actions and implementing the things that we've covered today never results in any change whatsoever from your mate? What if you're following these commands and these principles and nothing is at all is changing your mate? You know, you're thinking, I believe this will work, but what if it doesn't?

Well, the real truth is it doesn't matter, because while we all want to have a great marriage, ultimately your spouse and your marriage have nothing to do with it. What do I mean by that?

Well, you're simply demonstrating your obedience to God and your trust in God, that you somehow will be rewarded even if it is not in this physical life, that maybe the benefits will be later in the kingdom of God. You know, this should really, in a sense, be our higher motivation, shouldn't it? And that's why, regardless of the personal marriage outcome that comes from changing and becoming a better person, we get something out of it ourselves, don't we? Even if the other person isn't responding at all, and if we're doing our part, it's changing us, isn't it? It's changing us. So we will learn, we will grow, and we will change. You know, our first and primary motivating factor really should be to please God anyway, should it? Because our covenant was with Him, that I will do this with that other person no matter what.

I will do my command, I will do my verse, no matter what the other person does. God, I told you, I would do this, and I will do it to the end, regardless of whether they do their part or not. So you know, brethren, really nothing's wasted. Nothing's wasted, in that sense. You don't owe it to your spouse, you owe it to God. And in a way, you owe it to both. But ultimately, our primary motivating factor should be because we owe it to God. We told Him we would do it, no matter what. Our obedience is to Him. So in the ultimate sense, your contributions, my contributions to marriage has nothing to do with our spouse, has everything to do with our relationship with God and with Jesus Christ. So we have a choice. We have a choice. Our world thinks it makes no sense for a wife to have unconditional respect for her husband. The world thinks it makes no sense for a husband to have unconditional love for his wife. But it makes sense to God. We each are responsible to God for our conduct. God created marriage as a wonderful blessing for us. God wants all of us, each of us, to have that wonderful blessing of marriage, a fulfilling marriage, a fulfilling family. And God made men and women different. But not one is lesser in value than the other, each with incredible potential to become heirs together in the family of God. God did not leave us to wonder how we could have a great marriage. He gave us the tools to do so. He gave us the keys to make it possible. These two commands are found in Ephesians chapter 5 and verse number 33. They're love and respect, and they are critical to have a marriage that God designed. So let's remember our individual commands that God has given to us, and that these commands are unconditional. Let's strive to implement love and respect in our marriage, and let's remember above all else that it's our commitment to God. That we promised that we would do that, that we would show Him that we would follow and obey the commands that He's given to us to honor and make love and respect a priority in our marriages.