Words That Hurt, Heal

I don't know. You probably hear at least some news. And if you pay any attention at all, you might have noticed we're in the middle of, not the middle of, but it seems like the middle of a presidential campaign year. Now, the election isn't until November. And even when I was younger, and I'm not that old, I remember that you didn't hear that much about it until late spring and summer. But now, as it is for the Republicans, at least, the campaign has already been going on for months. There were nearly a dozen contenders at one point. Now it's down to four that anybody pays serious attention to. What amazes me is that they all attack the other party, or they're all opposed to the other party, but they spend so much time attacking and deriding each other. You would never know that they're supposedly on the same side. It makes you wonder, will they really be able to join together for some type of united campaign when the time comes? The Democratic Party is pretty... I guess it's a given that Barack Obama will get the nomination and run for re-election.

But we almost overlook, four years ago, we remember, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton were doing the same thing to each other. Attacking and criticizing each other, talking about how unqualified each the other was.

You might have wondered if they could ever cooperate to run against the Republicans, but then after they patched things up, Barack Obama gave Hillary Clinton the top job in his administration. Secretary of State is at the top point of post, and at one time was considered B stepping stone to the presidency.

Looking back in history, we see a similar thing happen in the 1980 election. That's going back quite a ways, and it's easy to forget. I actually hadn't forgotten until I looked into the history a little bit. But when the Republicans then were vying for the nomination, George H.W. Bush, the older George Bush, had some very unkind words about Ronald Reagan and talked about his economic plans as voodoo economics that he thought was just so much hocus-pocus that could never work.

And yet then they patched things up, and George H.W. Bush served as Ronald Reagan's Vice President for eight years.

But while I was looking at the history, I noted one other thing that's not as substantiated, but I found an interesting story. They say that a few years after that, Ross Perot had cooperated with the Republican administration, but then took offense at some things that were done and some things that were said to him. So in 1992, he decided he would run for President and would not bow out. Some people say he did it only to get back at George Bush because he was angry at the things he'd said, and thus Bill Clinton became our President for the next eight years. Now, you might be wondering why all this talk about politics, especially when our politics should be focused on the Kingdom of God.

Well, in truth, today I don't want to talk about politics. I use that as an introduction, but what I want to talk about is the message. I want to talk about the words, words that hurt, but also words that can heal.

Now, you might think, can the same people do both? Can we have words that hurt and end words that heal?

Well, the truth is we can, and sometimes we do, but doing both isn't necessarily what we should do. I'd like you to turn with me to the book of James to begin. James chapter 3.

James is a relatively short book that's just packed full of wisdom and keen insight into human nature and character.

Because it's so small, sometimes I have trouble finding it. James 3 will begin in verse 8.

As no hand contains the tongue, it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men who are made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. He says, My brethren, this ought not to be so. Does a spring send forth fresh water and bitter from the same opening? Can a fig tree bear olive or a grape vine bear figs? Thus no spring yields both salt water and fresh.

James here is showing that we're capable of saying blessings and saying curses, but like a fig tree or a water spring, God wants us to be consistent. He wants us to do one thing and not do the other.

So the question for each of us is, what will it be? Will we use words that hurt, or will we use words that heal?

Now, looking back, I was talking earlier about when I was a teenager in the church, and there were times I wondered because this subject came up. It seemed like on a regular basis, and I'd say, Why are we always going to have so many sermons that deal with gossip and words and things like that? And I just, to be honest, I was a little bit ignorant and naive. I didn't get it. But I understand it a little better now. As years go by, you start to learn, and I've learned that as a pastor, it's my job to know about people's problems and struggles and things that are going on. So when I look back at when I was younger, happily then, it wasn't my business to know, and fortunately, a lot of times, I just didn't know. It's amazing sometimes how naive I was. I would talk to people and say, You didn't know about that? Everybody knew about that. It went right by me. But I've come to understand also how when people talk about other people's personal affairs, it can be painful and sometimes even harmful. So what I want to do today is talk about the kind of talk we should all avoid. But more than that, I want to talk about the kind of words that we should use, the way we should help and encourage each other. As I say, can words heal? Well, I think if words can wound, words can heal. You all remember the old saying when you were kids, sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me. Don't you wish that were true? And we know on a physical basis it's true. So I've wondered if we were all firm in our relationship with God and confident of that, maybe that would be true. What other people said wouldn't matter because we would be locked in in a close relationship with God. But, you know, we're still working to get there. Let's back up to earlier in the passage we read, James chapter 3. I'm pretty sure you're all still there. Let's start in verse 2.

The tongue is a little member, but it boasts great things. See how great a forest, a little fire kindles. And the tongue is a fire. It's a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body. It sets on fire the course of nature and is set on fire by hell. That's saying something. And just as this huge ship can have that relatively small rudder turn it around, the tongue is one small part of our body, but it can do so much harm, but also so much good.

Why is it like that? Well, it's partly because we care about what other people think and what they say about us. You know, consider...you've probably heard the saying, you always hurt the ones you love. Am I saying that right? I've heard different versions. But yeah, you always end up hurting the ones you love. And I've thought about that. I don't think that's...I'm not sure it's quite right. I can't go back and change the tradition, but I think it should say we're always able to hurt the ones who love us.

That's what's true. We're able to hurt someone who loves us. Now, just think of this. Say there's some man in Bangladesh, and he...whom I've never met and I probably never will. And he's going around telling stories saying, Frank Dunkel is a no good sorry loser and he's ugly and smells bad. I'd think, a what? I don't care what some guy in Bangladesh says.

But what if George Grounds were to start telling people, you know, Frank Dunkel's not much of a Christian. You know, he's mean to his wife, he doesn't care about the brethren. Well, that would hurt. That would hurt my feelings because I care about what Mr. Grounds thinks. You know, and I know that people that I respect would listen to him. So, you know, people that we care about have the power to do us harm. And each of us has that power. You have that power. You have the power to hurt someone because there's always someone that cares about what you think. Let's look to...let's turn to the book of Luke, Chapter 17. Luke 17 will begin at the beginning of the chapter.

Matthew, Mark, and Luke. This is Jesus speaking. Then he said to his disciples, it's impossible that no offenses should come, that people are going to be offended or get their feelings hurt, but woe to him through whom they do come. It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown out into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. So that's saying something. You don't want to...offenses might come, but you don't want to be the one starting. Now what happens if you do offend someone, or if someone offends you? He continues on. He says, take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, your brother does something that hurts you, he does something that's harmed, what do you do? You rebuke him. Go and tell him, hey, you did wrong. And if he repents, then forgive him. And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times he returns to you saying, I repent, which is if David comes back and says, I'm sorry, then you shall forgive him.

We can derive quite a bit from this brief passage. I've broken down into the three main things. First, try your hardest not to be the one that says or does something that offends other people. He says, it's going to happen, but don't let you be the one that may cause it to happen. Second, if someone does something that's offensive to you, talk to that person. He says, go to him and rebuke him.

Don't talk to anyone else. Certainly don't talk to everyone else. And third, accept that person's repentance. Don't write him off and say, you know, I'm done with him or her. Now, if the person refuses to repent and they want to keep hurting you, that might be a time to keep them in an arm's distance. But we're talking a different story. Here the person says, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do it, except their repentance.

Now, let's see what the opposite approach would be. We go to Revelation 12. Revelation 12 and verse 10, we'll see the approach that we should not have, because this is the approach of our enemy, the evil one that we want protection from. Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now salvation and strength in the kingdom of our God and the power of his Christ have come for, or because, the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God night and day, has been cast down. Now, who is this accuser? The previous verse tells us it's that serpent of old called the devil and Satan who deceives the world. He is the accuser of the brethren.

Night and day. Now face it, we all give him plenty to accuse us of. Now, when it comes down to what we're human, we sin, we deserve punishment. But God wants to forgive us. His example says, forgive up to seven times in a day. And of course, actually, he's talking to human beings. God is much more merciful than that. Although I hope, you know, by seven times in a day, you'll at least get over that problem for that one time. But God's way of forgiving, Satan's way of accusing. With that in mind, let's go back to the book of John chapter 8. This is a well-known story, John chapter 8.

And by the way, I thought I should mention here sometime, I've been planning the sermon for a while, not because there's any particular problem that I'm addressing. And, you know, in large groups stand small. People say, oh, I wonder who he's getting on. I think of this as preemptive. And also the fact that it's not only in a congregation. People we work with, people we're in classes with or deal with.

This principle applies. We want to be the ones who aren't causing offense, who are understanding, who turn away from words that hurt and use words that heal. So if we're in John, John chapter 8 will begin in verse 2.

And they say, they come bustling in with this woman. Look what we've got! They sit her down in the midst and they say to him, teacher, this woman was caught in adultery in the very act. So it wasn't someone just accused her. They caught her. Now, some people pointed out they only brought the woman. If they caught her in the act, then where is the man? But that's another story. And they say, now Moses and the law commanded us that such should be stoned. What do you say?

So they're trying to catch Jesus and they said this testing him that they might have something to accuse of which to accuse him. And part of the reasons of this is they said the law of Moses says this, but what they realized is that because they were under Roman rule, they did not have the power to impose the death penalty themselves. So if Jesus said, yes, we've got to follow the law of Moses and stoned her, they could say, well, you're resisting a seizure and you're violating the Roman Empire.

Now if he said, no, we can't stone her, then they would have said, oh, you're not religious. You don't believe in the law of Moses. So they were hoping to catch him between a rock and a hard place. What he did totally surprised them because he was looking at a more important issue than whether or not he could be executed. And they said this testing him, and Jesus stooped down and rode on the ground with his finger and acted like he didn't hear them. I paraphrase that, as though he did not hear. And when they continued asking him, he raised himself up and he looked at them and he said this important thing.

He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first. So, okay, somebody has to throw the first stone. Let it be the person among you that doesn't have any sin himself. And he scooped down again and rode on the ground. We don't know what he wrote, but it seemed to have had some impact on them. Than those who heard it being convicted by their conscience. They were thinking, okay, do I have a sin? Of course we all do. And so, they went out, one by one, beginning with the oldest, even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. It's interesting, he was alone with the woman, except for this crowd of people who were around watching what happened.

So, not like they were alone in a room, but none of the accusers were there. And Jesus raised himself up. He saw no one but the woman, and he said to her, Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you? And I wonder how intimidated she might have been. He said, No one, Lord. He said, Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more. So, I'm not going to condemn you either. Go and sin no more. And when I think about it, when it comes to considering other people's challenges, problems, sins, I thought of it in any medio...with ah...

There's a word I'm looking for. Words that mean similar things. What is that word? Sennonym. Sennonym, thank you. I was going to say simile. That doesn't sound right. As many synonyms as I could think of. Challenges, problems, sins. What more do we need to say? I could just read that and say, That's pretty good. That we all have our own challenges, problems, sins, and other synonyms. That we really, really don't want to be the discussion or the center of public discussion.

Notice in this woman, in this story, the woman was guilty. So, it's not a question of whether she was guilty. And Christ did not say that it's okay that she did it. Now, He told her to go and don't do it again. Don't sin. We can only presume, we can wonder, was she truly repentant? You know. But the interesting thing is, she didn't have to prove it to us. John doesn't describe that. Maybe he didn't know. The only person she had to demonstrate her repentance to was God. Jesus Christ was the one who died to pay for her sins, or He was going to die to pay for her sins.

Likewise, He's the one who died to pay for my sins, and yours and everyone else's. So, He is the one that repentance has to be demonstrated to. Jesus Christ and the Father.

So, that puts us like the Pharisees, in no position to throw stones. So, then we wonder, why do we do it? Because we all have, and it's tempting. Why do we accuse others? Let's turn to the book of Proverbs. I've got several places in Proverbs I want to read today, because it's just so, once again, James is packed full of nuggets of wisdom. Proverbs is too. If we go to Proverbs 18, we'll begin in verse 8.

Proverbs 18 in verse 8 says, The words of a tale-bearer, that someone telling stories or gossip, are like tasty trifles, and they go down to the inmost body. I like that. It's like tasty trifles. It's like something that, I think, trifles like a candy or a special dessert. It's really good. Hearing the dirt on somebody or something, it feels good. It's almost like it tastes good.

Solomon also says it goes down to the inmost of your being. It becomes a part of you. You can't unhear something, just like you can't unring a bell, they say. Once it goes in, it can affect you. It can change your thoughts and attitudes towards someone. I say can, because fortunately the Father says He will put away our sins and remember them no more. But we're striving to be like that. It's hard for us to not remember something.

Maybe I should modify that. For me, I tend to not remember things I want to remember, but the things that you want to forget are hard to. Proverbs 18, verse 8, of course, points out that the problem isn't just in someone talking, the problem is in someone listening. Someone's sharing a story, someone's wanting to hear it. Let's go back a few pages to Proverbs chapter 26.

We'll see another take on this. Proverbs 26, and we'll begin in verse 20.

But you have both sides of it. Someone listening, someone talking. And it's not just talk, but of course, as I said, words can hurt or words can heal. We're talking about the words that hurt. And He says, where there's no wood, the fire goes out. Now, I've experienced that a lot. We're working at summer camps.

I've built a lot of fires. You've got to put the right fuel in there. If you don't, it'll go out. But He says, likewise, where there's no tail bearer, where there's nobody gossiping, strife will go out. Now, sometimes we want our fire to keep going. We don't want strife to keep going. So a way to put it out, stop the talking. Stop the passing on of gossip. He says, as charcoal is to burning coals and wood is to fire, so is a contentious man to kindle strife. Somebody that's wanting to cause trouble.

You know, if you don't have that, you can eliminate the strife. And here, he repeats what he said earlier. The words of a tail bearer are like tasty trifles. Boy, they taste so good to the eater. But they go down into the inmost body. Now, you've all heard this before, so I didn't want to make the sermon all about belaboring this point.

As I said, when I was a kid, I heard it seemed like over and over again. But let's consider something interesting in all these scriptures. And I have noted this with the parable of the woman that Jesus was asked to condemn. None of these make a distinction over whether the accusation or the story is true. You know, it seems that gossip is gossip, whether or not it's true. So I would say we need to focus on a different standard as to how much we participate.

And that is, why are you talking about something? Or why do you want to listen? What is the result that you're aiming for? And along those lines, I'm going to put on my history professor cap, and I want to tell you about an interesting court trial.

Very interesting. It was a scandalous trial, somewhat New York. It dominated the news, and everybody was talking about it. But you might not have heard about it because it happened in 1735. So it was a little before CNN and, you know, the Columbus Dispatch and things like that. I thought that if you get the dispatch down here, is there another major paper? Okay. I wasn't sure. Okay. Anyway, in this trial, the defendant was a printer, a man by the name of John Peter Zinger.

Zinger, Z-E-N-G-E-R. Oh, Theresa's nodding her head. She says some of you might have heard this story before. Zinger was put on trial for seditious libel. That means he printed something bad about the governor of New York. Basically, it accused the governor of being unfit and doing things that were wrong. So it was seditious because it was undermining his authority and people's respect for him.

It was considered liable because it's saying bad things about him that supposedly weren't true. Now, the reason Zinger's on trial is because, well, not because he wrote these essays. He didn't write them, but he was the printer. And the author stayed anonymous. I'm not sure if he ever did find out who wrote them, but Zinger printed them with an anonymous author so that the government came after John Peter Zinger, put him on trial.

You're undermining the authority of the governor, saying things you shouldn't. He's put on trial. Now, this might have just happened. Zinger might have been punished and this went away. It wasn't the first time or the last time a printer was put on trial for seditious libel. This one's interesting because Zinger did something that a lot of others didn't. He hired a very good lawyer. Now, people often hire lawyers. He hired a lawyer from Philadelphia, actually, if I remember correctly, a man named Andrew Hamilton. Not a relation to Alexander, who came along later and is on our ten dollar bill, but maybe should have been related.

But this lawyer came and he argued before a jury that managed to get a jury trial. And he explained and proved that all the accusations in these essays were true. The governor had exceeded his authority. He had done these things of which he'd been accused. No one could deny it. There's absolute proof. And he argued that, therefore, John Peter Zinger should be acquitted. But there was a problem. The law of that time said that truth was not a defense.

That's a legal way of thinking. Truth was not a defense against the law, meaning it didn't matter whether or not the stuff was true. It only mattered that it damaged the governor and was Zinger the one who printed it. And, of course, there was no way to deny it. Zinger admitted that he printed it. Everyone said that it was damaging the governor.

Now, the reason this case becomes significant, partly because the lawyer is tactic of trying to defend it was unusual, and also because the jury acquitted Zinger. They bought the argument by the lawyer and they ignored the terms of the law. By the law, Zinger should have gone to jail, but the jury said, no, we find him not guilty.

The truth should be a defense, is what they were saying. They said the law was wrong. Now, this didn't change everything immediately, but from that time on, when laws were passed then in the colonies, and later in the United States, they did start to include truth as a defense. Any time there was a law having to do with libel or sedition, libel slander is the other thing I'm looking for. This was especially true in 1798. Here, I guess I'm being my history teacher, but one of the famous set of laws is that the Alien and Sedition Acts were passed in 1798 when we were on the verge of going to war with France.

So they were controlling some of the illegal aliens, or who they might have wanted to make illegal aliens, but there was also a law against sedition, saying you can't say bad things about the government. They wanted to protect the government and the administration of President John Adams, who was president at that time. But, looking back to the Zener case, this law in 1798 allowed truth to be a defense.

So, if you were a printer, you could say, John Adams is fat and bald. And you know what? Couldn't be prosecuted for that. Anybody could look at a picture of him and see, yeah, John Adams was fat and bald. But if you said, John Adams is stupid and he's a bad president, well, that's a matter of opinion, and you could make a pretty good case, John Adams was not stupid. Whether or not he was a bad president depended on which party you were after.

But, from that point on, what I'm getting at is it became popular, it has been popular in the press, newspapers and now television and radio, to use facts and truth to besmirch politicians and public figures. Oftentimes, half-truths, partial truths. You know, they'll go for something to say, yeah, you can't prove, you know, you can't say this is a lie, but take truth out of context. It can be that way.

As a matter of fact, I've noticed, recently, I've heard on the radio, at either for and against Pat T. Berry, they're going to have a primary for the congressional district up there near Columbus and Westerville, and there's somebody running against T. Berry saying, oh, he voted with the Democrats and all that he's unfit. Well, that's true that he voted with the Democrats. Now, whether or not he's unfit is different. Then this other fellow, Garbrough, I think, you know, there's this commercial run by T. Berry saying, oh, he's had complaints to the elections board against him, and he's been under investigation. And then the Garbrough can't come back and say, well, yeah, they're the ones that made the complaints just so they could have a commercial saying they were complaints. You know, they're using a truth, but they're distorting it. So what I'm getting at is, yeah, half-truths and lies can be used to present something that's totally not actually true. Let me give one more example before I leave my history lesson. In 1840, we had the first presidential election in the United States where I say the campaign was totally based on image. There used to be a commercial for some type of camera where Andre Agassi came out. He said, image is everything. You remember that? Image is everything. And Andre Agassi, remember, had the long hair, which later, put down with a wig.

But in this election, we had Martin Van Buren running for re-election. And in the opposition party, the Whigs portrayed Martin Van Buren as a dandy. They said he's dainty and soft. He's spoiled and rich. You know, and they said, oh, he wears long, silk gloves. He had a billiard table brought into the White House. Now, all these things were true. But it's interesting that they pulled those facts out to portray him as a softy who was rich and spoiled. When the truth was, if you investigated it, Martin Van Buren was born in a log cabin with a dirt floor, had come from a very poor family, and worked his way up to what success he had. Now, the person he was running against, William Henry Harrison, was portrayed as being this country hick. He lived out in a log cabin. He was just dumb as a stump, and he loves to drink hard cider and live in a log cabin. And they called it the hard cider and log cabin campaign. Because, basically an editor at one point said, oh, he'd be just as well if you give him a barrel of hard cider and let him stay out in his cabin. Well, his cabin was actually a mansion built not far from where Cincinnati is now. William Henry Harrison was born to a wealthy family in Virginia and enjoyed a very good education and held high posts in the Army and then the government. But that wasn't the image portrayed. So they said he had two candidates being portrayed as the exact opposite of what they were. And I would say that the press has been doing that ever since, using half-truths, using facts out of context to portray something that shouldn't be. And then I say, do we do that as Christians, dealing with other Christians or dealing with non-Christians?

The law of the land says we can say anything we want as long as it's true, but should we do that? Let's turn to the book of 1 Corinthians, 1 Corinthians chapter 10.

And let's consider 1 Corinthians 10 and verse 23. I'm pouring this a little bit out of context, but because he's dealing with people, whether they're eating meats is in sacrifice for idol or not.

But I think that this whole is true, dealing with the law of libel and how we talk to each other. The Apostle Paul says, all things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful. Just because it's legal to do something, it's not necessarily helpful. All things are lawful for me, but not all things edify, that is, build up. Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being. And he goes on to talk about meats sold in the general market. But that's what we want to think of. Why are you talking about something? Why do you present a certain fact? Is it for your own well-being or for someone else's? And I had the note, within God's curse in the last few years, we've seen a bad example of the former, of pulling out half-truths and facts among the ministry. And this is not an off on most of the church members. In the ministry, there were accusations and portraying things, something that might be true out of context, and most of us got involved to one degree or another. And, frankly, shouldn't have. Let's go back to the book of Proverbs, Chapter 13. Proverbs 13 and Verse 3. And as I said a year and two years ago, if more of us had given attention to this, we might have come out a little better. Proverbs 13, Verse 3 says, I think there's another place where it says, in a multitude of words, there's no lack or sin. Go over a few pages to Chapter 26, Proverbs 26 and Verse 17.

This is some of the best imagery, and I did think of this actually when it was, when the problems at the home office and accusations were going on. It says, Now, years ago, someone, I heard, actually, someone asked another person in my presence, What in the world does this mean? Taking a dog by the ears. And he said, Okay, have you ever thought about, you have your dog here, you grab one ear, you grab the other ear. Now, your hands are occupied, and where is his mouth? Probably facing right at you to him. So, your hands are occupied, and you've got a mouthful of sharp teeth right at you. Don't go meddling in something that's not your affair, or you might get mauled and beat up. These principles apply to us in the ministry, and they apply to all of us regarding the challenges, problems, and sins of our brethren. Now, when I say that, though, I made a note to myself, I don't want to sound as though I'm condoning sin. When I say don't talk about someone else's sins, doesn't mean that we're changing our policy or watering things down to where, oh, anything's okay. Now, as a church, we try to teach what's right and wrong, and we say do the right and we condemn the wrong. But sometimes, as individuals, we need to mind our own business. Let's go to Romans 14. Romans 14 and verse 4. If I said when we leave someone else's affairs or don't talk about them, we leave them private. That doesn't mean we're saying that living in sin or continuing the wrong action is okay. We're just saying it's not for us to be the one judging and passing it on. Romans 14 and verse 4, Paul says, Who are you to judge another's servants? Each of us are servants to God. And he says, To his own master he stands or falls. So each of us are accountable to our master. And indeed, he'll be made to stand, for God is able to make him stand. Sometimes I'll turn that around and say myself, you know, sometimes I might be stumbling, but God is able to make me stand. He can provide the strength that I don't have, and we need to account that for someone else. If we see them struggling, we don't condone their sin, but we need to remember they're not answerable to us.

And further down in verse 12, he makes that point. Verse 12, So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. So we're all going to be answerable. Therefore, though, let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother's way. So we don't want to do that. Now, hopefully that's more than enough talk about the things we don't want to do. Let's turn to the more edifying discussion of what we can and what we should do and say. And as I wanted to make this point, if words can be like an arrow piercing the heart, that's very poetic, and that's from Proverbs somewhere. But they can also be wonderfully helpful. Let's go back to Proverbs and Chapter 16. Proverbs 16 will read verse 24. I should have told you to stick something in Proverbs because we'll be coming back there a lot.

Proverbs 16 and verse 24. And these are ones that came to mind quickly as I was working on this, because any time you're in the business where you talk for a living, being serving in the ministry, if you're a teacher, if you're some type of counselor, these are important. Or if you just talk with people a lot, just because you come in contact with people a lot. Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.

Interesting. Sweet to the soul. I said, gossip can be like tasty trifles, but it goes down and can cause poison. But pleasant words also can be tasty. There's sweetness to the soul and health to the bones. That's where I got the idea of words that heal. They can heal our spirits. Let's go back a couple of pages to Proverbs 15 and verse 23. Proverbs 15 and verse 23. A man has joy by the answer of his mouth.

A man has joy by the answer of his mouth. And a word spoken in Deucees and how good it is. And getting the right word at the right time? Boy, you've all experienced it, I'm sure. Now, we might have the natural question, well, what are the right words? How do we know? Well, one good rule of thumb is simply to think of the golden rule. Now, the golden rule talks about actions. Whatever you would have others do to you, do to them.

But we can express that in speaking. Whatever you would have people say to you, say to them. Do you like people expressing appreciation? Well, go out of your way every now and then to express appreciation. I had an example of that recently. And let me just tell the story. I was visiting the Rubbles. And you all know Red Rubbles passed away recently. And I hadn't been there a lot before I visited a few times. But when he was feeling badly, he didn't want people coming around so much. So I came shortly after the death and I was visiting with his wife Naomi. And their son Jerry came in.

And I've never been there, but what Jerry came by. He was there a lot helping him. And I learned later that he came by and spent much of every day. And Naomi said, I couldn't have done this without him.

So I spent a brief time. And as I was leaving, Jerry walked me out to the door. And I used their oldest son. He's in his mid-sixties, I think. And I wanted to tell him something. I said, Jerry, I just wanted you to know that people will notice what you're doing. And I want you to realize how much we appreciate what an honorable thing it is.

And he just stopped. He didn't say anything, but his face lit up with a smile. Briefly, now he just lost his father. So he's in time of grief. But I felt so good that I don't do this very often, but I said the right thing that time. And he just realized that someone noticed, but having someone say it meant a lot to him. So that's something to keep in mind. Sometimes a small thing from you can be a big thing to someone else.

And I'll advise you, it's just a couple other words. I worked for several years in the Watts office back in Pasadena. And you all remember back then, Watts stood for Wide Area Telephone Service. Before modern, you know, the telephone's gotten out of where a lot of us have unlimited long-distance calling. But back then, a toll-free number was important. So we dealt with people from all over the country. And one thing they trained us on, they said, two important phrases will make things always go better.

Please and thank you. Say please and thank you. Even if someone doesn't deserve to hear please and thank you, it really goes along the way. And it fits in what, if you're there, Proverbs 15, the first verse says, A soft answer turns away wrath. A soft answer. It's not always what you say, what words you use, but sometimes the tone of your voice makes a world of difference. And I thought of that when I was talking about Watts, because, you know, someone can't see your facial expression. They say they can't see you smile.

But I've been told, if you have a job where you talk on the phone, smile while you're talking to them. It will affect the tone of your voice, and they'll be able to tell. And you might have experienced that talking to people. I don't know how it works, but somehow we can tell if the person on the other side of the phone is smiling or not. So if you make yourself smile, use those words, please and thank you. It makes a big difference. Now let's turn to the Book of Acts.

I want to talk about an example of someone who was very good at doing this. Acts 4, and we're going to look at the example of a fellow who came to be doing this, Barnabas. But it's interesting, Barnabas wasn't actually his real name. And we tend to forget that because that's what we know him by. But we go to Acts 4, and we'll begin in verse 36. It's almost as an aside, but it's a time when almost all the apostles were staying in Jerusalem.

They expected Jesus Christ to return at any time. So they're all living together, sharing what resources they have, not wanting to leave. And so some people are saying things like this here, and Joseph. His name was Joseph, but who was also named Barnabas by the apostles, which is translated Son of Encouragement. He was a Levi from the country of Cyprus, and he sold some of his land and brought the money and laid it to the apostles' feet. So he sold some land and donated it to help everyone out.

But it's interesting that they say Son of Encouragement was a translation. Even that is still kind of archaic. We would just say, Barnabas, we would call him the Encourager. That was his nickname. Look, here comes the Encourager. They're not saying something. That's what they called him. To get that nickname, he must have been encouraging people. He must have used those kinds of words. And you can probably think of someone you know like that. Now, I'm thinking of something I don't want to get into a whole lot, but we had a lot of discussions among the camp directors on the magazine that's coming out.

And we were talking about using types of certain people. And one of the types that they were thinking about representing is someone... There's always someone in the dorm that you could call the Encourager.

He always has the right word, or she. And he's almost like a superhero. The Encourager is on the scene. Well, let's go ahead a little bit in Acts 9, and we'll see how the Encourager can come on the scene and accomplish so much. A little bit more in the life of Barnabas. Now, when we're breaking into a story, again, this is after Saul, who had been a Pharisee of the Pharisees and been persecuting Christians, was on his road to Damascus where he was going to persecute Christians and throw them in jail.

But Jesus knocked him down, struck him blind, and said, hey, you're going to work for me now. So he does this. He goes to Jerusalem, saying, I want to join the apostles and learn from them. But we're in verse 26. When Saul had come to Jerusalem, he tried to join the disciples, but they were all afraid of him.

They didn't believe that he was a disciple. They thought, this is just a trick so he can get us and throw us in jail. But Barnabas, the Encourager, took him and brought him to the apostles. And he declared to him how he had seen the Lord on the road and that he had spoken to him, and how he preached boldly in Damascus in the name of Jesus.

So he was with them at Jerusalem, coming in and going out. Eventually, they were all afraid and they were hiding. Barnabas, the Encourager, took that chance. And he went and must have talked to Saul and then brought in and told the people, look, we've got to give him a chance. Let's listen to him. And it worked. Now, we move ahead to Chapter 11. Acts 11 and verse 22. We'll see Barnabas, the Encourager, again doing a big work. This is after many of the disciples had been scattered. They found out Jesus wasn't going to return real soon, so they might as well go back to their places and teach other people. So it says, Then news of these things, which is the church growing in some areas, came to the ears of the church in Jerusalem.

So they sent out Barnabas to go as far as Antioch. People are learning the truth. They need help. Let's send the Encourager. I suspect I'm running with a cape. Here he comes. And when he was coming, he saw, he had seen the grace of God. He was glad and he encouraged them. And he encouraged them all that with purpose of heart they should continue in the Lord. So he encouraged them to keep going.

They were on the right track and he started teaching them. He was a good man. He was full of the Holy Spirit and the faith. And a great many people were added to the Lord. So God is calling people into the church like crazy. And Barnabas, he's great at encouraging. But he starts thinking, I could use some help here.

So it says, Barnabas, the Encourager, departed Pertarsus to seek Saul. Okay, this person he'd had this relationship with before, not a real close relationship, but he remembered, there's a guy of talent.

And I wonder what Saul had been doing. Remember, he'd been active as a Pharisee, perhaps served on the Sanhedrin. Later on he reveals that he was above most people his age. He was going places, so to speak. But he had to turn away from that when Jesus called him. He left the Sanhedrin. He wasn't successful as a Pharisee. He'd gone back to his hometown. And I suspect, although it doesn't say, he was probably working in a tent shop.

He was trained as a tent maker, so Saul walked away from his former career. He's there so intense. And one day into a shop, he walks the Encourager. Saul went to seek him, and when he had found him, he brought him to Antioch. And so it was, for a whole year they assembled with the church and taught a great many people. And the disciples were first called Christians at Antioch. Just think of what Barnabas must have done. He came to Paul, who was still known as Saul then, said, We need your help. You're good at making tents, but I've heard you preach. And I'm guessing at what he said. I'm guessing he didn't say, Boy, you sure owe us because you persecuted so many people, and you voted to have people put to death. He probably said, No, I know you've got knowledge, and you're a good teacher. We need someone like you. Come with me and help me teach these people. You know, words of encouragement would be what would work then. And think of what we owe to Barnabas, because Saul did go, and he became active in the ministry, and he wrote most of the New Testament. The words of encouragement can mean so much. Barnabas truly was the encourager, and that's what we want to do, what we should do. Now, we can't travel to distant lands. Well, maybe we can, but we usually don't have opportunity. But nowadays, we can encourage people who are far away by sending cards and emails. What is on Facebook? You can poke people or something. I'm not sure how that works, but I know even today, sometimes getting a word electronically can make a difference. Just think whoever it is that you might be tempted to gossip about or tell stories, you could instead try to encourage him or her. You can let that person know that you're praying for him or her. You might have an opportunity to give him or her, I'm saying him or her, because it could be male or female.

We all have a problem, but you give that person a word of encouragement. Now, there are some things we have to look at. Sometimes, someone has a problem that deals with you and you can't just not talk about it. And you can't just be encouraging. What happens when that happens? What if someone's doing something wrong that affects you? Well, let's turn to Matthew 18. This is a well-known, at least within the church, a well-known section of Scripture, and it gives us good guidance for how we should work with our fellow Christians when they're in a fault or they're doing something wrong and it's not something that affects someone else, it affects us. See, Denby, I told you I'd use your water. Matthew 18, beginning in verse 15. Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him this fault between you and him alone. Interesting. He didn't say, go tell everybody else, so they'll ignore him or leave him alone. He says, go and tell him between you and him alone. And if he hears you, you've gained your brother. Now, that is one of the hardest things to do, and I'm not going to sugar-coat it or tell you, I'm great at that. I'm terrible at this. I hate confrontation. So, for me, one of the hardest things is to go to someone and say, you've done me wrong.

But, I can tell you, I've had people do it to me. I've had good friends of mine come to me and say, I need to come and tell you, you're doing something wrong. And I'm so grateful that they've done it. So, think if there's somebody that you're going to have a hard time going to, keep in mind how glad they might be later on that you did that. Now, they don't always immediately respond. It says, if he hears you, you've gained your brother.

But if you won't hear, take with you one or two more. Only a couple of people. Get some support to show him, yeah, it's not just me. You do have this problem that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every word may be established. So, hopefully, the goal is still to help this person change their way. But if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church.

Then you go to a broader court, so to speak. But if he refuses to hear the church, or even to hear the church, let him then be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. Now, you might have heathen and a tax collector now. I think for us, if I say, treat him like a heathen and a tax collector, say, well, how do I treat heathens and tax collectors? Well, you know, I don't deal with very many heathens and tax collectors. But what we can interpret that is, treat him like a non-church member.

It doesn't mean treat him as an enemy. Don't treat him as someone you're trying to destroy. Just say, okay, he's not willing to follow the lead of the church, but I'm going to treat him as though he's not a member of the church. Which might be the exact way you treat your next-door neighbor, your coworkers, all kinds of people. You know, it's not the same as, I'm going to get that person. But I do want to note something also. There are a couple of things here. Well, I'll come to that. The first one says, tell it to the church. I don't think Jesus had in mind saying, tell it to every person in the church.

Like, go around the congregation and say, let me tell you what's going on. I suspect he's describing a formal process. I suppose my thinking on this is, when he says, tell it to the church, he means, tell it to the government of the church. Go to someone in authority. It might be a deacon that you have a good relationship with, or the pastor, or a council. I mean, the church over the eras has had different types of organization. But I think it's saying, you know, you try to work things out privately, and if that can't be done, you might have to seek some type of arbitration or formal hearing, not spreading the word around everyone.

But here's where I want to add something also that's not there, because I always tell people, be prepared. If you go for a formal arbitration or a decision by someone in authority, you might not get what you want. Now, in Jesus' case, he's saying, if your brother sins, so it's a given, the brother's sinned, and you want to get him to repent and change.

But sometimes, you might think your brother's sinned, and he won't listen, and you end up going to an authority in the church, and then you find out, oh, your brother hasn't sinned, you're the one that has a problem, and you need to change. Now, that can be tough, too. Now, it's not always like that, but I thought it's worth keeping in mind that someone can perceive that he's been wronged with someone when it's not the case at all.

So, when we go to our brother and say, I've got fault with you, you need to also be willing to listen to your brother. And if you both have two different sides of it, and you just can't reach an agreement, you go to a higher authority, be prepared to have that high authority, it might rule against you, it might rule in favor of you, but we want to be... Well, if we're going to call on that authority, we have to respect the authority whichever way it goes. Now, the important thing, though, is the goal here through all this, and I want to come back to this.

Your goal in this is not punishment, it's reconciliation, it's restoration of good relations. That's why you go to your brother, because you want to be on good terms. You want him to stop sinning if it's a sin, or hurting your feelings. The idea is to restore good relations. Look back in chapter 15. He started off with the word, moreover. Moreover, if your brother sins. That means he was continuing the previous thought.

He got to this because of what he was talking about earlier. So, let's back up and look at what he was speaking of earlier in verse 10.

If you should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that one sheep than over the 99 that did not go astray. Even so, it's not the wool of your father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish. So, after having said that, he says, moreover, if your brother sins against you. So, the underlying basis is, you want to restore, you want to bring back. If it's revealed that you're the one that's drained, you want to bring yourself back. We all want that. And that's the time when someone is being restored or going through that process. That's when we want to use words that heal. We want to use comfort and encouragement. It only makes sense while we're here that we should look at Matthew 7. Matthew 7, beginning in verse 2. It fits so well, although I should have had a better transition, maybe, than saying, well, we ought to look at this while we're looking at the other. But as transitions go, we'll take what we can sometimes. But Jesus here, and this is part of the sermon on the Mount, he says, with what judgment you judge, you'll be judged. And with what measure you use, it'll be measured back to you. However you're looking at other people, you can expect that back.

He says, why are you looking at the speck in your brother's eye? And don't consider the plank, or the Old King James says, the beam in your own. And I wonder if some of you men have had the old spokesman's club manual. Remember the Basal-Wolverton illustration, where there's a guy, I think it was for the evaluation, that shows this big old beam sticking out of his head? And he says, that's the guy that's trying to help somebody get a speck out of their eye. And he says, how can you save your brother, let him remove the speck when you look, there's a plank, there's a beam in your own eye? He goes, hit the grip first, get the plank out of your eye, and then you'll see clearly to remove the speck from your others. Now, I think about that in those terms. I think, well, you know, we've all got what we could call specks, or even planks, in our eyes. We could spend our whole lives just working on cleaning up our faults, and maybe never have time to look for faults in our brothers. But, if that's the case, while you're working on getting a speck out of your eye or a beam, wouldn't you like your words of encouragement? Wouldn't you love, the words that you want to hear from your brothers aren't, yeah, you're no good, you look at the problem. It's, no, you want to hear, yes, you can do it, or how can I help?

I want to go to a case study that I consider kind words. In a section of Scripture, we don't go to that often, but if you'll turn with me, we're going to go to the book of Philemon.

And I say book almost with a laugh because it's one page long. Philemon comes right after, you know, right before Hebrews and right after Titus.

It's easy to slip right by. But the epistle of Paul, and it's better to call it an epistle because, as I said, that's a letter. It was a brief letter Paul wrote to Philemon. But it's a great case study of using tact, tact and discretion. I'm emphasizing that last T because it's easy to mispronounce. But how do you deal delicately with someone that you have to talk about something that's uncomfortable? Well, Paul gives us a good example. He had to deal with a man in the church named Philemon. Now, Philemon was a Christian who was the master of a slave who had run away. Now, we said, oh, a slave owner, that's terrible evil. But let's keep in mind slavery was an accepted part of society at that time. And the way it was practiced in the Roman Empire, although not sunshine and flowers and all kindness, it wasn't like what we studied in the American South with Negro, Black African slavery. So it's a bit different. And the church didn't come out and say, all slaves have to be free.

So Paul has to deal delicately because Philemon's slave named Onesimus had run away. He broke the law in running away. But while he had run away, he came in contact with the Apostle Paul and heard his preaching and converted. And Paul dealt with people enough. I'm sure he realized that God was calling and he baptized him and he had the Holy Spirit. Paul was certain this man was now converted. Now, Paul has a quandary. He knows Onesimus broke the law and running away illegally.

He's still bound to Philemon. Paul doesn't want to condone law-breaking. So he needs to... He convinces Onesimus, you need to go back. You need to submit yourself. You know, if he wants to free you, that's great, but you have to submit. But Paul will send a letter by the hand of Onesimus to Philemon. Now, how do you address this subject?

We'll see very carefully, but we'll notice Paul doesn't lower the boom. He doesn't say, okay, now you've got to let him go and here I'm going to tell you what you have to do. No, he uses gentle words. Very tactful, very kind, but in doing so, he makes it easy for...

Boy, that's hard to say. Easy for Philemon to see what would be the best thing to do. So let's begin. It won't take long to go through here. And of course, he introduces himself, Paul, the prisoner of Jesus Christ and Timothy, our brother, to Philemon, our beloved friend and fellow laborer, and to the beloved Ephia and Archibeth, our fellow soldier, to the church in your house.

Philemon had a church meeting in his house. Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Now he's talking to Philemon and he says, I thank my God, making mention of you always in my prayers. I hear him of your love and the faith that you have towards the Lord Jesus and towards all the saints.

That the sharing of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgement of every good thing which is in you in Jesus Christ or Christ Jesus. So he thinks, your faith is well known. You're doing things and we're praying that it will continue to be effective, doing good things. And you might think, okay, he's going to lead up to something that he considers a good thing. We have great joy and consolation in your love because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed by you, brother.

So he doesn't say, boy, you ought to straighten up. You shouldn't be having faith. You're a brother. You're on my team. We've been working together. I know you're doing well. Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, he mentions, I could just give you orders. But because you're so loving and doing such great work, for love's sake, I rather appeal to you.

I'm begging you to do something. And he says, not as Paul the Apostle. He doesn't say, I'm the Apostle and you'll do what I say. He says, as Paul the aged and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ. He says, I'm an old man. I don't have the physical power to force anything on you and I'm a prisoner. And Paul, we believe this was written when he was in prison in Rome. So you could say, Paul is acknowledging, I don't have the means to make you do this.

And I'm not even going to cite my office. I'm just going to say, I'm an old man and a prisoner. But knowing your love and your kindness, I'm appealing to you to do something that's fitting. So I'm appealing to you for my son, Onesimus, whom I've begotten while in my chains. Now, he's not literally his son. He means begotten of the spirit. Onesimus had been converted. And Paul's showing that he's very dear to him. And he was once unprofitable to you. He acknowledges that he wasn't a good servant. But now, he is profitable to you and to me.

Consider anything, there's been a change. He was unprofitable. We acknowledge that. But now he can be profitable, not only to you, but to me. So he says, I'm sending him back. You, therefore, receive him. So he says, don't throw him in jail. Don't have him executed. Please receive him. That is my own heart. Paul's showing a strong affection for this person. Now, if you're Philemon, remember, this is being okay.

Paul loves this person. I might have been angry at him, but it's at least going to make you think twice. And then Paul lays something out. He says, whom I wish to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me and might change for the gospel. I would have loved to have had Onesimus stay and be, help me during my work.

And he makes a point. He could have been doing it in your place. If Philemon, you're a servant, you would want to help God the Apostle do the work. Now, it's not convenient for you to come to Rome and do this, but you could donate your servant. But, he says, but without your consent, I wanted to do nothing. I wouldn't do it without your consent. That your good deed may not be by compulsion, but as it were voluntary. He says, Philemon, I'm putting the choice in your hands. You can do this voluntarily, but dropping some strong hints of what I hope you'll do.

For perhaps, he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever. No longer is a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more do you, both in the flesh and in the Lord? So he's saying, he's a Christian now. You can have him back as your slave, but you can treat him as something so much better. But I like the fact that Paul used the word perhaps. I wanted to emphasize that, because it's very different if you want to, they say for teachers, you can say, Philemon, this is the way it is, but if you can lead them to draw the conclusion themselves, how much more effective? And I know I'm dealing with teachers here, so I hope I'm saying that the right way. You know, lead someone for the conclusion themselves, they'll be so much happier that you gave them that freedom. If then you count me as a partner, you want to be my partner, which means Jesus Christ's partner, count him or receive him as you would me, please treat him the way you would treat me. If he's wrong to you or owes anything, put it on my account. I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. And remember, the officials, Paul doesn't write most of these himself, because apparently he had bad eyesight, so he'd have someone write, and usually just at the end he would write the signature. And he'd say, me, Paul, that's when people would know it was from him. I get the feeling he might have written this whole letter, which might have been really big, because he couldn't see that well. But he's saying, I'm writing by my own hand, and he's saying, I'll repay, whatever he's done to me wrong, I'll pay it back. You can put that on me. I'm asking you to treat me like you would him. I'm going to serve in his stead as far as paying his debts. But he does add something. He says, not to mention, though, that you owe me even your own self, besides. Paul's pointing out, by the way, I helped you come to the greatest thing ever, conversion. So, just a subtle reminder. He says, yes, brother, once again, still brother, let me have joy from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in the Lord. Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you'll do even more than I say. And Paul's saying, I know your quality, a good quality. I know you'll go above and beyond. You know, that's the way you are. So, I like to say that he's not saying, you better do more than I say. He's saying, you've demonstrated this high quality. I trust you to do that. I'm just letting you know, you know, situations change from where it was. But if, you know, if you count me as your partner and brother, here's the way to go. This is what would be fitting. And, of course, then he drops his thing. But meanwhile, also prepare a guest room for me. I trust that through your prayers I'll be granted to you. That's his way of saying, get a place ready. I'm coming to visit.

Now, we could say, remember, Paul was in prison. That's why it would take, you know, Philemon's prayers. But I'll bet Philemon, along with many others, had been praying that Paul would be released. Praying that God would grant him safety. Not letting him be executed or fed the lions. So, I'm saying, you know, I'm sure your prayers will be answered and I'm going to come and visit. Now, if visiting, that could be seen as a veiled threat. I'm coming to check up on you and how you really did treat Onesimus. But it's so, it's very veiled. I wonder if I could say that. You know, it's very subtle and it's saying, hey, I love you, you love me, you want me to come and visit. You know, but until I do, treat Onesimus the way you would treat me. And I should point out, I wrote it in red ink here. You know, I'm not examining Philemon as a demonstration of how to manipulate people. Some people would look to it that way, but it's giving us an example of how we can talk to someone about a delicate situation. You know, we can use kind words. We can, you know, not confront someone, but you can go to someone about something pretty tough. You have to talk to someone about something that's unpleasant. We need to think. Choose our words carefully and keep love as our motivation. Paul made it clear that he loved fine women, but he also loved Onesimus. And so, he left him room saying, we want to continue in love, and so we have to treat each other accordingly to that. If we look at our brothers in the Church, and also with people who aren't in the Church, who we hope to be our brothers eventually, treat them with that delicate, you know, words that heal. We'll do well. Now, and I think also, in the course of our lives, we'll all be on both sides of the situation. We'll have times when someone needs to come to us about something delicate, to ask us to do something unpleasant, or point out what we're doing wrong. We might need to go to someone. James said that if anyone doesn't offend in word, he's perfect. Now, we all want to be perfect. Let us a lifelong process to get there. We're on the way. We just need to think, you know, in our dealings with one another, and our talk about one another. We need to remember that we're brothers, because God is our Father. We need to show proper respect for the potential sons and daughters of God, and avoid using words that hurt. And instead, we can use words that heal.