Stronger Marriages

I am giving a sermon on a topic, though, that it would be nice to have a few others here because of this sermon. At the same time, it's a message that's good for all of us because there are certain principles in it that will certainly apply to everyone. But it is a sermon that is somewhat focused, and you'll see as I develop this. I've been very encouraged by the Pentecost season. As I always am, I just really enjoy days of 11 bread, Passover, leading into Pentecost, and the whole idea of counting 50, God's Spirit being given, God's Church being raised up, and learning to walk in the Spirit.

So every year I enjoy talking about that theme because to me it's a very, very important theme. If God's Spirit is dwelling in us, then obviously we are among the first fruits. We are the ones that will be in that first resurrection at Christ's return. Now is our day of salvation, and so there's so much that can be talked about during the spring holy day season. Now the spring holy day season is past us now, but certainly we still need to stir up God's Holy Spirit on a very, very regular basis.

And we really need to learn to walk in the Spirit more faithfully because if we do that, then we're going to be so much better off. It's when we start walking in the flesh. That's when we get ourselves in trouble. And that's when we have various types of heartache that often occur when we do something where we're walking in the flesh, where we're sitting against God.

There are always consequences. The Scripture says, Be sure your sins will find you out. And I know my wife Barbara, who I get to pick up at the airport Monday, by the way, so I'm really looking forward to having her back for a while. She's actually going back to Alaska in about a month for probably another month. So she's needed this time of year with Alex gone. He's gone all summer long. So my daughter with two small children basically pleaded with her to some degree. And I'll be doing quite a bit.

I'm always busy anyway, but I'd prefer we were together, of course. So I get to pick her up. Barbara and I have been counting down to Pentecost for almost 40 years together. Almost 40 years. We'll be married 40 years this October 8th coming up. Now, I was going to say that might seem like a long time to you, but probably not to this group.

Aaron probably thinks 40 years is a long time to be married. Yeah, because he's just a young whippersnapper. But the rest of us, a lot of you have been married that long or longer. So I'm not talking to too many youngsters out there today. But Barbara and I, like I said, we've been married almost 40 years, and thankfully we've had a very strong marital relationship throughout those 40 years. We've had the tremendous benefit of the blessing of God's Holy Spirit that whole time, because we were both baptized before we got married.

So when we were married, we obviously had God's Spirit dwelling in us. So that has really helped. In fact, I don't think there's any way to minimize how much God's Spirit in a person, in two people, in a marriage, how much difference that makes and how wonderful that is. So today I'm going to talk about stronger marriages and the Holy Spirit. Now, again, this sermon will apply to all of you, because we're going to talk about God's Spirit.

And anytime we talk about God's Spirit, it's going to be helpful because God's Spirit works in our lives on a daily basis. And we do need to stir up the Spirit of God, but this is specifically about using God's Spirit in our marriages. So that's why I wish there were a few more couples here today to hear this message. But hopefully they'll go back and listen to it, get it online. I'm sure Mr. Capings is doing his job back there and getting an audio copy of it. So, you know, we know that love is the first fruit that's listed in regard to the fruits of God's Holy Spirit.

Love is the very first one, and I'm sure in a way it encapsulates all of the fruits of God's Spirit. God is love, and God has all of the fruits of his Spirit. In abundance, obviously, he produces all of the Spirit, all of the fruits of God's Spirit. Now, one thing about love and being married 40 years is that time goes by quickly when you're in love. You know that, right? Yeah, in fact, it talks about it in the Bible.

Let's go to Genesis 29. I always thought this was kind of cool, the way this was written here in Genesis chapter 29. It has to do with Jacob. And you know the story about how Jacob really loved Rachel, but somehow he marries Leah.

I still have some questions I'd like to ask them about the wedding night and various other things, because I have some things that don't make a lot of sense to me when it comes to that whole situation. But in Genesis 29 verse 18, let's read it.

And Laban said, it is better that I give her to you than that I should give her to another man. Stay with me. So Laban was a bit of a conniver and a deceiver. There's no doubt about it. He had a certainly a huge role in Jacob marrying Leah. So he was quite a character, I'm sure. So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love that he had for her. So the more in love we are with our mate, the more quickly time will go by. It'll fly. Certainly it has gone quickly for my wife and I. And as I mentioned already, if two people who are husband and wife yield to the lead of God's Holy Spirit in their lives, their marriage will naturally be among the strongest possible. Now that's not to say that there aren't some strong marriages out there, but stop and think about what I just said. If they yield to the lead of God's Holy Spirit, it doesn't necessarily mean that the Spirit has to be dwelling in them.

Because if they have a good, solid marriage, and they're producing a good marriage, and they truly love each other, that's the fruit of God's Holy Spirit. So isn't it likely that even though the Spirit isn't dwelling in them, that the Holy Spirit is still working in them as it does us before we're baptized? So that's something to think about. I've seen some really good marriages that aren't among converted people. My sister has had a very good marriage, from everything that I can tell, for over 40 years. She and her husband, I believe they've been faithful to each other, they've loved each other, they've been there for each other, they've set a good example, frankly, in their marriage. But I do believe that a person does have to yield to God's Spirit in order for it to be stronger, in order for it to be a good, healthy marriage. Whether they're in the church or not in the church. Because God's Spirit can certainly make a huge difference. If both husband and wife are producing the fruit of God's Spirit abundantly, they're going to have a very strong marriage indeed. And certainly it's better if God's Spirit is dwelling in you, and you are stirring up the Spirit of God in you, so that you will have a stronger marriage. A marriage like that will be vibrant, it will be a living marriage. A marriage that's full of love, of joy, of peace, of patience, being able to suffer long and to hang in there, to be faithful. A marriage of kindness, of goodness, of self-control will certainly thrive and will flourish. Exercising the Holy Spirit in your marriage will surely produce a strong marriage indeed. Now, if you aren't doing that, and if you're walking in the flesh, then there's going to be a lot of problems along the way. If you're letting a carnal mind direct you, guide you, if you're yielding to a carnal, fleshly mind, where there's envy, where there's lust, where there's unfaithfulness, just the opposite, the works of the flesh, jealousy, envy, strife. If you allow all those things to happen in your marriage, your marriage will suffer greatly.

So God's Spirit must be stirred up, and we need to walk in the Spirit as husband and wife. So as we continue in our lives, let's stir up the Spirit. Let's not wait until next Passover and start counting down again to Pentecost to stir up the Spirit of God. So let us walk in the Spirit, and then our marriages will become even stronger than they are already. Love must be nurtured along the way. It is vitally important that both husband and wife love each other strongly from the outset. I mean, that's best if you love each other. If you get married because you love each other, that's best. But even some arranged marriages have turned out pretty well when love was nurtured. Now, even though they really didn't love each other when they got married, but they nurtured love toward each other, and their marriage could have lasted 40, 50, 60 years, and could have been a pretty decent marriage. So it's more important to nurture love along the way than it is to even have a strong love from the beginning. Because you could have a strong love from the beginning, and then you could not nurture your love, and it could deteriorate along the way. And there would be problems.

What can we do to nurture our love for one another? That's basically what we're going to be talking about in the remainder of the sermon. So first, let's think about what love is. The Scripture tells us what love is. We know what love is. God is love. Becoming like God and having his attributes, his character, that's what love is all about. Mr. Armstrong used to say, love is outgoing concern. It's really caring about other people and being outgoing about it, not keeping it within, not passive, but an act of love. I watched a movie once upon a time. It's been several years ago. I don't know if you saw it or not. It's a movie called Stepmom. It was a pretty interesting movie. It starred Julia Roberts and Susan Sarandon, who are both very popular actresses. It's about the strained relationship between a new stepmother and her husband's ex-wife. That's the dynamic that's going on. To really complicate matters, the ex-wife and mother, she's dying of cancer. I think there were two children by a husband and a wife, the first wife. They get divorced. You have two kids, it's a broken family, sometimes living with mom, sometimes living with dad. Dad remarries. That's Stepmom. The biological mother has cancer, so they move in together as she's dying. They all move in together for the sake of the children. That's what this was all about. At the start of a particular scene, the father, whose name is Luke, played by Ed Harris, brings his two children, Anna, who's 12 years old, and Benjamin, who's 8 years old, to a park where they're sailing remote-controlled sailboats. As Luke and Benjamin launch their sailboat, Anna, looking sad, asks why Luke's new wife, Isabelle, who is Julia Roberts, that's the Stepmom, why she has moved in with them. I guess what was happening, I think the kids were living mostly with their mother, but then they all moved in together with the father, and of course the Stepmom was there. Now they're all together, and she's wondering what's going on. So momentarily, surprised at the question, Luke answers, because we love each other. That's why we're together. We love each other, and we want to share our lives together. Anna says, well, we already had a life together with Mommy. So you really challenge your kids when you end up doing this sort of thing. We already had a life together with Mommy, Anna replies. But Mommy and I weren't getting along well, says the father, and it wasn't fair to you guys fighting all the time. Okay, well, I would interject. Well, stop fighting then! Stop fighting, work on your marriage, get a grip on things. But, you know, of course, that's not the way it often goes. So that's what he says. Well, we were fighting all the time. Benjamin, the young boy, eight years old, interjects. I fight with Anna all the time. Can I move out?

Luke smiles and says, no, but you guys are brother and sister. You were husband and wife, says Anna. Doesn't that mean something? Pretty good question, huh?

Luke caught off guard, slowly says, yes, it does. But, well, when you get older, your relationships get a lot more complicated. And there's all kinds of feelings flying around. And sometimes some of those feelings change. Sounds like a lot of justification to me. Anna then asks, but did you fall out of love with Mommy? Well, yeah, I guess I did. I still love your mom, but it just became a different kind of love, that's all. We're still really good friends, and we always will be. Of course, she's dying of cancer now. Benjamin asks with a serious look, can you ever fall out of love with your kids?

See, that's tough, isn't it? You know, Mom and Dad are together. They fall out of love with each other. They divorce. Okay, the next question is, well, what's going to happen to us? They're going to divorce us, too? But thankfully, that doesn't happen often, does it? You know, normally there's more love for the children than it seems to be between husband and wife. And that's an interesting thing to contemplate and consider. Love has to be nurtured all along the way. You know, if you're in a marriage and there's fighting going on, then you need to start nurturing your love and not continuing down that path, because that's walking in the flesh.

And I believe with God's Spirit, changes can be made. You know, it can make a difference if you stop the bad behavior, and start doing what God would direct you to do by the power of His Spirit. So, love has to be nurtured.

The Bible speaks of a love that cannot be broken. Let's go to 1 Corinthians 13. This is a powerful love. You know, love is a powerful force. Maybe you remember Huey Lewis and the news, sang a song, The Power of Love. It's got a catchy tune. I won't sing it for you.

But there is great power. Yes, I know. I'm sure you'd love me to sing it for you, but I don't think I'd better. Okay, in 1 Corinthians 13, let's read some of this together. And think about love in your life. And is this the type of love that you have? Paul writes, Though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

Love suffers long and is kind. Okay, that's what love is. Love is not mean.

No, love is it. Love does not swear at your mate. No, that's not love. You know, love doesn't browbeat your mate. That's not love. You know, love doesn't take advantage of your mate. So it's walking in the flesh when you're having that kind of strife in a marriage. Love suffers long and is kind. Love does not envy. Love does not parade itself. Love isn't puffed up. Love is not vain or proud. Love does not behave rudely.

Love does not seek its own. It is not provoked. And it thinks no evil. So if love is in a marriage, things are going to go pretty well, aren't they? If both people love each other and really love each other enough to where they act like it, they actually put into practice that love, because love is not provoked. We live by our decisions, don't we? We decide whether we're going to get angry. We decide whether we're going to get jealous or envious. We decide. You might think, well, it's just natural. No, it's not just natural.

There are decisions that are being made. Yeah, there might be a natural inclination, but that doesn't mean you have to go that route. You can decide not to. So, love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. So love is very positive. It believes in each other. A wife believing in her husband, a husband believing in her wife, encouraging the wife, encouraging the husband, really believing in them and showing that love and that trust in them. Love never fails, but whether there are prophecies, they're going to fail. Whether there are tongues, they will cease. Whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.

For we know in part, we prophesy in part. We don't have complete understanding. We see through a glass darkly. Sometimes we misunderstand things. He says, well, let's just drop down to verse 12. For now we see in the mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know, just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, and love. These three, but the greatest of these, is love. And love, again, needs to be nourished and it needs to be nurtured throughout our lives. Now let's go to Galatians chapter 5, where we find one of the most powerful passages of scriptures on the topic of marriage. It's one that's often referred to when sermons on marriage are given. So let's go to Galatians chapter 5. Galatians chapter 5, verse 22.

This is after a listing of all the fruits of the works of the flesh. You know, all the things that are walking in the flesh, those are all listed there. And actually, they're not all listed because it says, and if there's anything like it, and there are other things. It's not a complete exhaustive list. And I've wondered about the fruits of God's Spirit. You know, would you say that's an exhaustive list? Not necessarily. There are nine fruits of God's Spirit that are given here. But that doesn't mean we might... Maybe you could fit something under all nine of those somewhere. But there are other attributes as well that possibly could be considered the fruit of God's Spirit. Now, notice verse 22. But the fruit of the Spirit is... And he doesn't say this is the totality of the fruit of the Spirit. He says this is what it is. And he lists nine, which I would agree with all nine of them. But again, perhaps we could think of others. The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness. So do you believe what the Scripture says?

This is what the Scripture says. That's the fruit of God's Spirit. Love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness, gentleness, faithfulness. And if you're not doing that in your marriage, then you're not allowing the Spirit of God to lead you and guide you. You're not yielding to the Spirit. So we should stop making excuses for why our marriages fail. And that's realized because we may not be yielding to the fruit of God's Spirit as much as we should.

Our mate isn't either. It's usually two people, not just one. I mean, sometimes it could just be one, depending on what they do, what actions they've taken. But usually, oftentimes, it's two people not yielding to the Spirit of God as they should. Now, again, there are exceptions to that. Sometimes it's way lopsided, where one person is just really sinning against God and against their mate and causing all kinds of trouble.

But these are things that we should consider. Notice it says in verse 24. By the way, it says there's no law against self-control and gentleness. There's no laws against that. So you can do that in abundance, and that's good. Produce as much of that as you can. Gentleness, kindness, love, peace, patience. There's no law against that. Now, there is law against all those other things that were listed earlier, the works of the flesh. God's law is against that. Now, God's law is against envying one another. It's against the wrong kind of jealousy.

It's against strife. It's against uncleanness. It's against lewdness, against idolatry and sorcery and outbursts of wrath. Those are sins. When we don't have a grip and we have an outburst of anger, there might be a time to be angry and to have, you know, there might be some circumstances where it would be a godly thing.

God gets angry at times because of behavior and so forth, the circumstances of what's happening around. But he says, and those who are Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we are truly Christ, if we surrender to Christ, then we've crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. So we don't have so many issues with the works of the flesh. If we're truly converted and we've been crucified with Christ at baptism. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. If you have God's Spirit dwelling in you, if you live in the Spirit, then by all means walk in the Spirit.

Stir up the Spirit, yield to the Spirit. Notice verse 26. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another and envying one another. Our relationships are important. How we treat each other are important. So again, how do we nurture our love toward each other in a marriage? Viewing marriage as a lifelong commitment of faithfulness is very, very important. Viewing marriage as a lifelong commitment of faithfulness. Faithfulness is another fruit of God's Holy Spirit.

Being faithful. Philip Yancey writes a lot of books. He's a minister of some other faith. He's not of our faith, but he is a professing Christian. He says he wrote of a friend of his named Susan, who was also a professing Christian, who told Yancey that her husband did not measure up and she was actively looking for other men to meet her needs for intimacy. He goes on to say, when Susan mentioned that she rose early each day to spend an hour with the father, I asked, Philip Yancey asked her, in your meetings with the father, do any moral issues come up that might influence this pending decision about leaving your husband?

Susan Bristle. That sounds like the response of a white Anglo-Saxon male. She says, the father and I are into relationship, not more morality. Relationship means being wholly supportive and standing alongside me, not judging. Okay, I hope none of you agree with her, because she is way off base. Not only was this woman being immoral in her thoughts and her actions, but she was also a big hypocrite. She was certainly being very critical and judging of her husband, wasn't she? So it's really remarkable what people justify as they go down that road to divorce.

Relationship with the father is all about morality, isn't it? Relationship with Jesus Christ is all about morality. God's the one that says what's moral, what's right, and what's good. He sets the standards. He tells us. His word tells us that we should keep the Ten Commandments, not just in the letter, but going beyond the letter and keeping it also in the spirit of His law.

Now, a lot of you are old-time timers. Have you ever heard of Morton Kondraki? Anyone here ever heard of Morton? Okay, Alec has. No one else? You probably have heard him. He was on TV a lot. He was a commentator on political things and so forth. He was a no-nonsense, independent-thinking journalist as well. So he had an interview with Dick Staub. I remember Dick Staub, but he goes back a long time, too. I thought this was interesting. I was reading this about how Kondraki described how he and his wife first discovered that she had Parkinson's disease. This was a devastating thing to find out that your wife has Parkinson's disease.

She had been very healthy. In fact, he says she had beautiful handwriting, his wife. She was writing a check and she couldn't form the letter K. He says, I didn't appreciate that there was any difference. It looked fine to me, but she insisted that no, there was something wrong. She felt that there was something wrong.

Later, she had a tremor and the little finger of her right hand, and then her foot would start to wobble on the brakes when she was driving the vehicle. She had been a counselor at the Neurology Center in Bethesda, Maryland, helping families with patients with chronic neurological diseases.

In the course of time, she was given a drug called Simitrel, which is a Parkinson's medicine, by a doctor, and he didn't tell her what it was. She called me up at work one day, totally distraught and hysterical, in a way that I'd never heard Millie before. She said, you have to come home right away. Something terrible has happened. I thought that one of the kids had been in an auto accident or something, so I raised home. There she was, standing in the bedroom with this bottle in her hand. She said, this is a Parkinson's medicine. It can't be Parkinson's. I've seen Parkinson's. It's a horrible disease. I won't be able to talk. Now, I think she's talking about the extreme, because I've known people with Parkinson's disease, and I think it leads to what she's talking about here. It's not always this bad, and with some medication, it can be certainly helped.

I've seen Parkinson's. It's a horrible disease. I won't be able to talk. I won't be able to walk. I won't be able to swallow. I won't be able to eat. You'll have to take me to the bathroom. I'll be totally dependent.

You won't love me anymore. You'll leave me. He says, I had to convince her that I was not going to bug out. Apparently, 50% of men whose wives have chronic illnesses split. They leave their wives because of a chronic illness. Women tend to stick with their husbands a lot more than men do. Men only about half the time. She couldn't be sure that I wasn't one of the wrong 50% in the beginning. But after a certain point, she realized that I was there for the duration.

As he continued to take care of her and was there faithfully for her, she no longer doubted. She knew that he was going to be there for her. Kondraki says, you just ask God's help every day, multiple times a day. I couldn't do this without God's help. I pray for help. Again, he was a professing Christian. He had a certain relationship with God as he understood God.

He says, I pray for her. I pray for help, he says, and strength and Millie's deliverance all the time. I simply could not do this without feeling that I was doing God's work in a small way. I've asked God innumerable times, you know, so what is my purpose here on earth? Hoping that he would he will add a new and grandiose dimension to this, which he never does. Now, I think we have that new and grandiose message that helps put everything in perspective. It helps us understand why people end up with Parkinson's disease, why mates die, why people commit suicide.

It helps us understand it. It helps us put it in perspective. And I don't think we can minimize the value of that understanding because that's what helps us through life. Knowing God's plan, knowing his agenda, knowing what God is doing, you know, what's going to happen in the future and realizing that God does allow bad things to happen in this life. This is not God's world. Satan is the God of this world. I mean, God is over it all, obviously. God knows what he's doing, but he allows Satan to be the God of this world.

And that's why we see all the suffering. And that's why young people commit suicide because Satan's the God of this earth right now. And he has a powerful influence. He has a powerful influence in our marriages, too, if we allow him to. But the Scripture is clear that if we resist Satan, he will flee from us. And that is true in our marriages, too. If we resist Satan, he has to go. He can't continue. Now, he'll come back later on. He's seeking an opportune time when we're weak, when we're not as strong, when we don't resist him.

That's what he's looking for. So the more we resist, the stronger we get. The more we compromise, the weaker we become. So I thought that was quite interesting. You know, he's looking for purpose in life. He says the message always comes back to me the same. Your job here is to take care of Millie. That's your job. Now, that was a super important part of his job, wasn't it? And maybe that was the most important thing for him. To take care of his wife. So that was from a Dick Staub interview with Morton Kondrocki that came out of ChristianityToday.com back in August of 2002.

He wants some details. Now, in sharp contrast to what I've just said, here I've just talked about a couple, not a part of God's Church, as we understand it. And now I'm going to contrast a different type of attitude in regard to faithfulness and commitment from a rock star named Rod Stewart. Have any of you ever heard of Rod Stewart? Okay, more of you have heard of Rod Stewart than you have of Morton Kondrocki.

Funny how that goes. You've heard of Maggie May, which has a lot of immoral lyrics to it. But Rod Stewart had this to say. He says, I think marriage vows should be changed because they've been in existence for 600 years. I mean, he doesn't know what he's talking about, for one thing. But this is what he says. They've been in existence for 600 years. It goes back to the Middle Ages. Okay, for 600 years, when people used to live until they were only 35.

So they only had to be with each other for 12 years. I think his math is bad because I think people were getting married sooner back then than they do today. Anyway, he says they have 12 years together. Then they're going to die anyway. But now, it's a big commitment because you're going to be with someone for 50 years. It's impossible. It's impossible. The vowels should be written like a dog's license that has to be renewed every year.

Wow. Unbelievable. That's how people think. That's how some people put these rock stars up as idols. And this is how they think. No wonder we've got a twisted, perverse society today.

That was from page6.com in 2001. So I'm dipping back. I gave this sermon a long time ago. Only I changed it. It wasn't the same sermon because I gave it in Dallas recently and channeled it toward God's spirit. So it's changed. Some of the examples, they're still valid. They may be old, but they're still valid.

I thought to myself, what about Adam and Eve? Okay, Rod Seward. What about Adam and Eve? They were 900 years old. They must have lived a long time together. And lots of children.

God instructed them about marriage around 6,000 years ago. So he's got his facts all messed up. Again, some of those people lived 800-900 years old, so they were married a long time.

Now, let's go to Ephesians 5.

I think I mentioned something about Galatians 5 being about marriage or something. I meant to say that about Ephesians 5, because Galatians 5 isn't so much. It's about God's Holy Spirit. It's the fruit of God's Spirit. So sorry about that. I mistakenly made the reference that I should make now about Ephesians 5, which is about marriage. Let's go to Ephesians 5.

Ephesians 5, verse 21.

Okay, good instruction. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Well, if every wife is doing that...

I mean, you know, marriages are going to be a lot better if wives are submitting to their own husbands as to the Lord. Of course, that's not where the Scripture ends, is it? That's where a lot of men would like to begin and end things. But that's not how it goes. In fact, the verse right before that, verse 20 and 21, giving thanks always to God in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another. I mean, that would include husband and wife. There are times when we should submit to one another and do the right thing.

Right? And that's when we men should submit to our wives when they're talking sense.

When it's the right thing, when it's the best thing to do. Then I believe that's the time when men should submit to their wives, you know, when they're making good sense. And when they're trying to give some instruction that might keep us out of trouble, it might actually help things. That's when men should humble themselves and admit their wife is right, instead of sticking to their own carnal thoughts, you know, leaning to their own understanding. So anyway, but I do believe it marries the way God designed it. You know, God designed wives should submit to their husbands. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church. And he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ. Okay, we're supposed to be subject to Christ. We're God's church. Christ is the head of the church, and we are to follow Him. We haven't done this perfectly, as we all well know, and we've paid the consequences for it. As the church of God, we reap what we sow. Alright, so, church is to be subject to Christ. So let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now, He talks to the husbands. Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the Word. That He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. So, men, if we're really loving our wives the way Christ loved the church and gave Himself for the church, it's going to be a lot easier for wives to submit to you. You know, if they see that love coming through and that you're willing to die for them and do the right thing for them, you're not going to ask them to do things you shouldn't anyway. If you're allowing Christ to guide you and direct you, you're going to help lead her and guide her in the proper way, in a godly way. So she's going to be a lot more receptive and willing to submit to that kind of leadership.

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Yeah, you know what? If you take care of your wife, she's going to treat you better. You know, it's amazing to me that men are so thick. If you want your wife to treat you well, then treat her well. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You know, don't abuse your wife. She's not going to like it. Whether it's emotional, mental, physical, whatever it is, no one responds well to that.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. So if you want to be good to yourself, then treat your mates with love and respect. And this is a principle that goes beyond marriage, obviously. It's true in every relationship. It's true in our friendships.

If you want to be treated well by someone, then treat them well. Now, of course, he's talking about the church as well, but he's talking about marriage. He's using marriage as a type of the church. So it shows how important it is for us to have good, solid, godly marriages. That's what God wants. So viewing marriage as a lifelong commitment of faithfulness will help nurture your love for each other.

Also, being joyful, being considerate and thankful. Those three things. Joyful, considerate, thankful. I've talked about this some because we've talked about God's Spirit and the fruits of his Spirit, but being joyful, considerate, and thankful. It will also help nourish one's love. Now, there was an efficiency expert who concluded a lecture with a note of caution. He said, now, you don't want to try these techniques at home. Why not ask someone from the back of the audience? He said, well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years. The expert explained. She made lots of trips. This is an efficiency expert. He decides how to do things most efficiently. I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, to the stove, to the table, to the cabinets, often carrying just a single item at one time. Honey, I suggested, why don't you try carrying several things at once? So the person in the audience said, well, did it save time? The expert replied, actually, yes, it did. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast. Now I can do it in seven. We need to be joyful, considerate, and thankful. Be careful what we say. Someone might not respond too well. Not that she should have responded exactly that way. He was just trying to help her be more efficient. There might have been more to it than that. Husbands are to dwell with understanding, according to 1 Peter 3. Let's go there and consider this scripture in light of marriage. 1 Peter 3, verse 1, wives submit to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. I've seen that happen. I've seen where God was calling the wife first, and then he started working with the husband through the wife. The wife handled herself well. The husband saw what was going on, and he responded well. A person such as this may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe your chaste conduct, accompanied by godly fear, is what it's saying. He says, Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart. God looks on the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Sarah respected her husband Abraham. I'm sure Abraham was good to her as well. Verse 7, Husbands likewise dwell with them, with your wives, with understanding, giving honor to the wife, respecting the wife, giving her honor as to the weaker vessel. Now, I think that's primarily talking about physically weaker. That's generally a given that the woman is usually weaker than a husband of the same age. Typically, until they get older, then who knows? Then the wife might actually be stronger than the husband, depending on their health and that sort of thing. But typically, men are just made stronger, bigger and stronger. That's primarily what it's talking about. I don't think it's so much emotional or character or anything like that, because there are women who have very strong character. There are women who are emotionally very solid, very strong, very stable, sometimes more than men. So it's evidently talking mainly about just physically. As being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. So we are to dwell with our wives with understanding. Again, use some good common sense, husbands. Dwell with your wife with understanding, knowing what God teaches, treating her well, loving her, respecting her, and you will reap what you sown. And it will go well with you.

1 John 3. Let's go there for a moment. And by the way, if you do that, you may be eating omelets and pancakes instead of making your own breakfast. 1 John 3.

1 John 3, verse 10.

Here it says, "...in this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest. Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother." So we should be practicing righteousness. We should love one another. For this is the message that you heard from the beginning that you should love one another.

So we obviously do need to love one another. He says, "...not as Cain who was of the wicked one, the God of this world, Satan the devil, and murdered his own brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brothers were righteous. Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you. We know that we have passed from death to life because we loved the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death. Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." So having hatred is essentially the same as murdering someone. It's in the spirit of the law. So be careful that you don't harbor resentment or hatred. I've seen that happen in marriages where they just begin to resent each other. They have a root of bitterness that they've allowed to develop between them.

And then if we drop down to verse 22, it says, "...and whatever we ask we receive from him, from God, because we keep his commandments, and we do those things that are pleasing in his sight." And this is his commandment, that we should believe on the name of his son Jesus Christ and love one another as he gave us commandment. How much more so in our marriages should we love one another? Love our mates.

Now, children have interesting viewpoints on love, so I thought I'd share a few with them. This is from a website called Light Singer. What is love from a kid's point of view? An article about what is love from a kid's point of view.

One child said, "...when my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too." That's love. Another child says, "...love is when someone hurts you and you get so mad, but you don't yell at them because you know it would hurt their feelings." So you restrain yourself. It's off control. "...love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him to make sure the taste is okay." No, I'm not so sure that that's why.

She may like the coffee or so. I don't know. But that's what the child said. We're to become like little children, aren't we? Innocent. See, I think, I think ulterior things where the kids just think pure things.

"...love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well." And another child said, "...you really shouldn't say, I love you unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot because people forget." So it is good to say, I love you in your marriage. And if you haven't been doing that enough, do it more. Okay, let's go on to another way in which we can nurture another principle in nurturing our love.

And that is find things that you like to do together, common interests that you enjoy doing together and do them together. Now, that reminds me of a story about an elderly man and woman. You see, there was a huge rivalry, and still is today, between the University of Louisville and the University of Kentucky. So both colleges in Kentucky. A big huge rivalry. And the story is told that one of the games between the two schools, an elderly woman, an elderly woman was sitting there alone with an empty seat next to her.

Someone approached her and said, Ma'am, I have rarely seen an empty seat in Rupp Arena. I think it was Adolf Rupp. He was a coach for many years. Very, very successful. I've rarely seen an empty seat in Rupp Arena, let alone at a game between these two teams, the University of Kentucky, the Wildcats, and Louisville. Whose seat is this that's empty? The woman responded that she and her late husband had been season ticket holders for 28 years.

So they had sat together, and that seat was never empty. They had sat together, and the seat had belonged to him. Well, couldn't you find a friend or a relative to come to the game with you? The observer asked, are you kidding? She replied, they're all at my husband's funeral. Well, I don't know if he was the one that liked basketball in the beginning, but they did it together, and she certainly caught on. Maybe a little too much. But the point I'm making is try to find things that you like doing together. If it's going to basketball games, go to basketball games together. If you like fishing together, then take your wife fishing. That doesn't work that well with my wife and I.

She's not that huge on fishing. We've done it a few times and have enjoyed it a couple times, but I could certainly drag her out there where she might actually resent fishing. I don't want her to do that, so you know, you got to use some wisdom here. Try to find things that you enjoy doing together. Take walks together.

Go shopping together. If you enjoy that, some men actually like shopping. I guess some women do, too. I don't think they all do, necessarily. That's the stereotype, right? That all women love shopping and all men hate it. By the way, this little story came from an article. May all who come behind us find us faithful. It was submitted by Jeff Allen of Flora, Illinois.

He's doing my job to give sources here. All right. So we should strive to do things together. Maybe riding bikes together is something that you would enjoy. Doing things together and finding common interests helps nurture one's love. Those are the things that we should do in our marriage. By the way, if you think this is a good sermon, make sure you tell those who aren't here today that they need to go listen to it. Another principle in nurturing our love toward each other in our marriage is to support each other and encourage each other knowing that it will certainly nurture your love if you support one another and you encourage each other.

I'm sure you've heard of Nathaniel Hawthorne, right? You've heard of him. He's been around a long time too. He's been dead a long time too. But if it had not been for his supportive, encouraging wife, Sophia, we might not have him listed as one of the great names in literature. When Nathaniel was fired from his job at a custom house, he was heartbroken.

He came home. He was dejected. He felt like a failure. But his wife, Sophia, surprised him with an exclamation of joy. Now, she said triumphantly, you can write your book. You'll have time to write your book. Yes, replied the man, Nathaniel Hawthorne, but with sagging confidence. And what shall we live on while I'm writing the book? To his amazement, she opened a drawer and pulled out a substantial amount of money that she had been saving. Where on earth did you get that? He exclaimed. She said, I've always known you were a man of genius.

I knew that someday you would write a masterpiece. So every week, out of the money that you gave me for housekeeping, for groceries, I saved a little bit. So here is enough to last us for an entire year. Very resourceful woman, I would say. From her trust and confidence came one of the greatest novels of American literature. You've maybe read, or at least heard of, The Scarlet Letter. It was a masterpiece, I guess.

Well known, I don't know. It's got some immoral things in it, which is hard to find something that doesn't these days. But it wasn't, I don't remember, it's been a long time. I did read the book several years ago, and I remember some of the story line. I don't remember all of it. I remember The Scarlet A for adultery. Very interesting book, though. Well written. Now this little segment came from David Jeremiah, a book called The Power of Encouragement from Vision House Publishing in 1994.

Let's talk a little bit more about love from a kid's point of view. Another child says, when someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth.

Another child said, love is when mommy sees daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he's more handsome than Robert Redford.

And another child said, love is when your puppy licks your face even after you've left him home all day. Puppies are good about that, aren't they?

That's what he thought love was. Alright. Supporting each other and encouraging each other. So be more like the puppy, I guess, in your marriage. Support your husband and your wife. Encourage them. This will help nurture your love. And last principle is let God change your mate. Don't you try to do it yourself.

Someone once said that when the wedding march begins, a bride sees three things. Number one, she sees the isle. She sees the altar. And she sees him. And from that time on, her motto is, I'll alter him.

And when it doesn't work that way, there is disillusionment and difficulty. So don't marry someone that you want to alter right off the bat. Use more wisdom in who you marry.

This came from Take Comfort Encouraging Words from 2 Corinthians. It was from The Living Word, Incorporated, 1991, submitted by Alan Beck from Prince Edward Island in Canada. Okay, see... Oh, I won't go into that. Anyway, let God change your mate. Don't you try to do it yourself. Too often we try to change our mates, and they become very defensive because they think you're being self-righteous, for one thing. Look at yourself. Why don't you change yourself instead of always picking on me?

Let God change your mate. Again, you know, if both mates are working together and yielding to God's Spirit, then God will change their mates. Because it's axiomatic. If you're yielding to God's Spirit, you're moving in the right direction. You're going to change. You're going to be a better person.

So, brethren, why not think about all of God's spiritual fruit, the fruit of God's Spirit, in light of your marriage? Think about that more often. Are you producing the fruit of God's Spirit in your marriage? Are you being more loving, more joyful, more peaceful, more patient, more kind, more good, more gentle, more faithful, and more self-controlled in your marriage? Wouldn't exercising God's Holy Spirit, yielding to it and stirring it up, make your marriage even stronger than it is? God's Spirit and marriage really do go well together. So nurture your love and produce the fruit of God's Spirit in your life and in your marriage, and you will be amazed how quickly time flies. It does go better when you're happier and when things are going better. So I was going to say, for you young couples out there, I don't see too many of those in this context. But even for a young couple, it won't seem that long, and you'll be celebrating your 40th anniversary. So as we continue to count down, not to Pentecost, but throughout our lives, we need to count every day. Every day is important. Barbara and I have been counting the days for 39 years. I mean that in the most positive way. We actually do enjoy each other. We miss each other. We do text back and forth. We call each other. We FaceTime. We do stay in touch when we're apart. But let's walk in the spirit, and we'll have a healthier, happier, stronger marriage.